It is no secret that sometimes problems in relationships arise due to the fact that we are trying to continue spiritual intimacy, to express physical intimacy. Of course, we are not talking about relationships between people of the same sex, but how often, starting to communicate with a person of the opposite sex and discovering how much unites you, there is a desire to supplement these relationships with others, on a physical level, even if at first it seemed that this person was completely not suitable for this. What if the person was originally sexually attractive in our eyes? Oh, this is all the more serious test.
Physical intimacy as a continuation of spiritual intimacy
Physical intimacy seems to be a higher level of intimacy in general, and that is why the desire to rise to it is often so strong. I would like to translate spiritual vibrations, as something elusive and intangible, into something more material, tangible, something that you can hold in your hands, feel next to you.
But is the physical plane really a higher level of intimacy? Spiritual experiences, platonic adoration, a sense of soul kinship transform a person in our eyes, but this does not stop him from being what he is - in appearance, in his attitude to life, in terms of social status, intellect, aspirations. And intimate relationships, moreover, as a rule, serve as a reason for the emergence of something other than intimacy - responsibility and obligations, the need to somehow take them into account in the material, social, financial spheres of one's life. And how often it destroys spiritual relationships as well.
The desire to transfer relationships to the physical level is not only a desire to become even closer to a person, but in a sense, it is an attempt to bind him with something more than an intangible spiritual kinship, to keep him, to receive some kind of guarantee. Yes, we know that sometimes it ruins everything, but it can be so difficult to live in the uncertainty that a platonic relationship causes, as if something is missing, as if there is some kind of incompleteness, an opportunity to continue in order to get even more pleasure. that it is impossible to resist the temptation to fix them with something, to bring greater clarity and accuracy to them on a material level, to bring them to an end in a sense.
The physical can destroy the spiritual
Only the end is sometimes the end. Sometimes the physical lands everything spiritual with a roar, and all the relationships that seemed so mutually penetrating suddenly completely come to naught.
No matter how much you sometimes want to develop spiritual intimacy into something more, it is better to leave it at the level of vibrations. As great as one's impatience with the feeling of uncertainty it causes, it is better to realize that it is this elusiveness that gives special value to this relationship, which has no other future, gives the greatest pleasure from them. And then it is worth dwelling on them, without supplementing them with physical ones - this will be the best and most durable form of intimacy, the one whose presence always adorns life so much.
Nowadays, there is so little spiritual closeness of people. Everyone is moving away from each other. They strive for loneliness, as if there is happiness in loneliness. Most people think that all misfortunes come from other people. That other people bring a lot of suffering. Therefore, they try to fence themselves, moving away from people. Where can we look for spiritual intimacy, even if we are physically far from each other?
There is no need to talk about spiritual closeness between a man and a woman. Family and family values are gone. They cease to be important and relevant. Fewer people are thinking about how to save love and family. Relationships between men and women are increasingly becoming consumer. You to me, I to you.
Or a relationship without commitment.
But despite all this, a person is drawn to the spiritual. In our time, the need for the spiritual has increased exponentially. Many believe that the spiritual is only that which is associated with religion, spiritual practices, and esoteric teachings. But all this no longer fills, does not satisfy our need for the spiritual. People leave disappointed, never having found what they were looking for… What to do now?
Search elsewhere.
Men and women are less and less likely to talk to each other on emotional topics. But it is in heartfelt conversations that the very invisible bond that connects a man and a woman is born. Emotional connection contributes to the creation of the same spiritual intimacy between a man and a woman. When it is felt that souls merge into one soul and become something united, indivisible, integral. You can understand what an emotional, spiritual connection is, learn how to create and develop relationships based on them at the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. Register using this link.
Spiritual connections begin with pair relationships, with a deep understanding of each other. It is important to remember that the tone in such relationships is set by the woman. And the man picks up, and the relationship begins to develop further, stronger. And so on ad infinitum. This is love with the sign of infinity.
Spiritual closeness gives meaning to life. Fills. Gives a feeling of joy and happiness to the one who experiences it. And sexual sensations become much brighter, much deeper. All this is confirmed repeatedly by the results of people who left their reviews on the main portal Systemic Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Give yourself a chance for happiness to experience spiritual intimacy. Come to introductory free online lectures. You will not regret.
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Relationship Basics
This is perhaps the most pleasant and most short-lived, in the absence of other bringing together factors, the basis of relationships - most often they begin with the fact that partners attract each other physically. Mutual liking and attraction can burn out very quickly, even without the proverbial physical contact, if not combined with other levels of attraction. In order to stay together, you need something much more than just passion, and it seems to me that everyone knows this feeling - when you really want to be together, but you understand with your mind that apart from "chemistry" nothing unites you with a person. On the other hand, relationships that are built on other foundations in the absence of physical attraction cannot give people complete satisfaction. You can’t throw words out of a song, and this is exactly the case.
This is a commonality of interests, an intellectual “enchantment” with each other: even if you do not adhere to the same views on everything, you are happy to share points of view, are able to understand and teach each other. Here, not only approximate equality in intellectual development is important, but also the direction of this development: both people can be smart, but their interests do not intersect at any point, or there is a constant clash of views. American films often illustrate the impossibility of a man and a woman being together if one of them is a staunch democrat, and the other is an ardent republican. In our country, political views do not play such a big role, but the life priorities of the partners must coincide.
This is the highest and most difficult to explain level of intimacy. In my understanding, intimacy in spirit is, firstly, accepting your partner as he is, and the features of his character as part of a single whole, and not trying to change him. If he changes himself (and this inevitably happens in the process of development), accept these changes with love and joy for the beloved. Secondly, spiritual intimacy allows us to experience “giving” love, not “taking” love: in the first case, we want to give happiness to a partner, and in the second, we want to receive from him. On a spiritual level, we understand that giving love is the highest happiness for ourselves. Thirdly, relationships in which there is spiritual intimacy motivate us to work on ourselves and develop - not because it is required of us, but because it is our sincere desire.
Relationship Basics
When you hear the question “what is the foundation of a successful (mature, good, lasting) relationship?” what comes to mind? I still remember the phrases from childhood: “mutual understanding”, “respect”, “support” - and I don’t diminish the importance of these components in a relationship, but, in my opinion, this is still not their basis. I was prompted to write this article by one of the short stories that are the basis of the wonderful Russian film "Stories", which is called "The Flame Will Kindle". I won't spoil it because I hope you dear readers see the movie for yourself, but the bottom line is that if a relationship lacks the very foundations that I want to talk about, it will inevitably fall apart like a house of cards without a foundation.
Ah, please! In order for a relationship to be happy, and, most importantly, long-term, four foundations are needed, or rather, intimacy:
- at the physical level
- on the emotional
- intellectual,
- and finally spiritual.
I’m willing to bet that I didn’t discover America for you, but try to analyze your last relationship - did they have all of the listed fundamentals or not? I immediately remembered an example from my own life, which was based on only the first kind of intimacy.
Physical proximity. This is perhaps the most pleasant and most short-lived, in the absence of other bringing together factors, the basis of relationships - most often they begin with the fact that partners attract each other physically. Mutual liking and attraction can burn out very quickly, even without the proverbial physical contact, if not combined with other levels of attraction. In order to stay together, you need something much more than just passion, and it seems to me that everyone knows this feeling - when you really want to be together, but you understand with your mind that apart from "chemistry" nothing unites you with a person.
On the other hand, relationships that are built on other foundations in the absence of physical attraction cannot give people complete satisfaction. You can’t throw words out of a song, and this is exactly the case.
Emotional intimacy. People are attracted to each other according to different principles, for example, similarity or opposite temperaments. I don’t know a formula that would guarantee success here, I only know that if you are emotionally uncomfortable with a person, if he dominates you or you discover behavior that is not characteristic of you next to him, you literally change beyond recognition, and you can say “it’s not me ", such a relationship is doomed. I believe that we can change and mutually enrich each other in a relationship, but if a partner, for example, reinforces your bad qualities, this is the opposite direction of healthy development. One of the most precious gifts that relationships bring is the ability to be yourself, and you can’t refuse it, just as you can’t agree to conditions when you have to be someone else.
In my understanding, emotional intimacy is also the speed with which both partners move forward in a relationship, passing through the stages of passion, falling in love, coming to love. You will not necessarily come every second, but it is important to understand where and how you are going, and for this you need to talk.
Intellectual closeness. This is a commonality of interests, an intellectual “enchantment” with each other: even if you do not adhere to the same views on everything, you are happy to share points of view, are able to understand and teach each other. The lack of closeness of minds burned the heroes of the short story, which I mentioned at the beginning of the article, and it also ruined many other relationships. Here, not only approximate equality in intellectual development is important, but also the direction of this development: both people can be smart, but their interests do not intersect at any point, or there is a constant clash of views. American films often illustrate the impossibility of a man and a woman being together if one of them is a staunch democrat, and the other is an ardent republican. In our country, political views do not play such a big role, but the life priorities of the partners must coincide.
spiritual intimacy. This is the highest and most difficult to explain level of intimacy. In my understanding, intimacy in spirit is, firstly, accepting your partner as he is, and the features of his character as part of a single whole, and not trying to change him. If he changes himself (and this inevitably happens in the process of development), accept these changes with love and joy for the beloved. Secondly, spiritual intimacy allows us to experience “giving” love, not “taking” love: in the first case, we want to give happiness to a partner, and in the second, we want to receive from him. On a spiritual level, we understand that giving love is the highest happiness for ourselves. Thirdly, relationships in which there is spiritual intimacy motivate us to work on ourselves and develop - not because it is required of us, but because it is our sincere desire.
Of course, we learn best from experience, but there are a few things you can do ahead of time to determine if two people have all the foundations for true love and a lasting, productive relationship. Ask yourself and your partner questions: “how, in what direction should the relationship develop?”, “what is the common goal?”, “why do we want to build a happy union - just to pass the time or for the sake of joyful and meaningful joint growth?”. Being honest with yourself and each other can keep you from getting into a relationship that has no future because some of the basics are missing.
Sources:
Spiritual closeness of people
What is it, spiritual intimacy between a man and a woman? Read the article.
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Relationship Basics
The basics of relationships This is perhaps the most pleasant and most short-lived in the absence of other bringing together factors, the basis of relationships - most often they begin with the fact that partners attract each other
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Relationship Basics 1
The Basics of Relationships When you hear the question “what is the foundation of a successful (mature, good, lasting) relationship?” what comes to mind? I still remember the phrase from my childhood:
http://improve-me.ru/9843
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Nowadays, there is so little spiritual closeness of people. Everyone is moving away from each other. They strive for loneliness, as if there is happiness in loneliness. Most people think that all misfortunes come from other people. That other people bring a lot of suffering. Therefore, they try to fence themselves, moving away from people. Where can we look for spiritual intimacy, even if we are physically far from each other?
There is no need to talk about spiritual closeness between a man and a woman. Family and family values are gone. They cease to be important and relevant. Fewer people are thinking about how to save love and family. Relationships between men and women are increasingly becoming consumer. You to me, I to you.
Or a relationship without commitment.
But despite all this, a person is drawn to the spiritual. In our time, the need for the spiritual has increased exponentially. Many believe that the spiritual is only that which is associated with religion, spiritual practices, and esoteric teachings. But all this no longer fills, does not satisfy our need for the spiritual. People leave disappointed, never having found what they were looking for… What to do now?
Search elsewhere.
Spiritual closeness of a man and a woman
Men and women are less and less likely to talk to each other on emotional topics. But it is in heartfelt conversations that the very invisible bond that connects a man and a woman is born. Emotional connection contributes to the creation of the same spiritual intimacy between a man and a woman. When it is felt that souls merge into one soul and become something united, indivisible, integral. You can understand what an emotional, spiritual connection is, learn how to create and develop relationships based on them at the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. Register using this link.
Spiritual connections begin with pair relationships, with a deep understanding of each other. It is important to remember that the tone in such relationships is set by the woman. And the man picks up, and the relationship begins to develop further, stronger. And so on ad infinitum. This is love with the sign of infinity.
Spiritual closeness gives meaning to life. Fills. Gives a feeling of joy and happiness to the one who experiences it. And sexual sensations become much brighter, much deeper. All this is confirmed repeatedly by the results of people who left their reviews on the main portal Systemic Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Give yourself a chance for happiness to experience spiritual intimacy. Come to introductory free online lectures. You will not regret.
Stage Four: Achieving Intimacy
If you are able to show your best side and fully appreciate the merits of your partner, then you can reach full understanding with him. When a man and a woman are attracted to each other on a physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual level, they are ready for physical intimacy.
Each level of attraction corresponds to certain feelings and sensations.
On the physical level, desire arises and excitement is felt.
On an emotional level, a person experiences affection and trust.
On an intellectual level, one feels interest and becomes sensitive to the other.
On a spiritual level, a person opens his soul, experiences love, shows respect and understanding.
If you are attracted to your partner on all four levels, your relationship may be entering its fourth phase.
Thanks to the fact that you managed to reach mutual understanding in the previous stages of rapprochement, you understand how strong your feelings for your partner are. Of course, mastering the art of courtship will not make you love more or make your partner love you more, but this art will help you understand how much you love each other.
You won't be forced to be nice
No one can cause attraction in his chosen one at all levels. You simply cannot, by an effort of will, inspire your chosen one with the idea that you are outwardly attractive or good-looking. You can only create optimal conditions for your chosen one to feel physical attraction. No matter how hard you try, you won't be forced to be nice.
Probably, all of us have seen such a scene: some woman is walking through the hall of the restaurant, and an unfamiliar man is watching her. So, she either attracts him or leaves him indifferent. Meanwhile, to another man, she may seem interesting and attractive.
The same can be said about emotional attachment, intellectual interest and spiritual intimacy. A person either experiences such feelings, or does not feel anything like that. A person is only able to create favorable conditions necessary for the other to understand how deep his feelings are and how strong his interest and desire to make his partner happy. In a word, we can only reveal those hidden feelings that we have for each other.
If you managed to overcome all obstacles in the early stages of building intimate relationships, you can hope that your partner will open his heart and show the feelings that lurked in his soul. I must say that you, too, will be able to open your heart only if for some time you tried to pay attention only to the merits of your partner. When your heart is filled to the brim with love, you are ready to forgive another for his shortcomings and accept him for who he is.
Power of love
When you treat your chosen one with an open heart, love, respect and understand him, he remains a dear person to you even if over time you are convinced that he is not as perfect as you thought at first. Spiritual intimacy with a partner allows us to rise above everyday problems, discontent and doubts. Even if you feel lonely at times, remembering the moments of happiness experienced together with a partner can bring you back a sense of emotional and spiritual closeness.
Resurrecting the feeling of love in your soul over and over again, you will eventually gain the confidence in your feelings that is necessary in order to find a life partner. At the fourth stage of rapprochement, you can gain experience and already fully equipped to face the problems that inevitably arise in married life. If you manage to succeed in the fourth stage of intimacy, then in the future you will be able to avoid many of the conflicts that burden the lives of married couples. The feeling of spiritual closeness will allow you to find a compromise in any situation. If you commit an unseemly act, you can apologize to your partner. If your partner makes a mistake, you can forgive them.
The art of courtship in the fourth stage of intimacy
The art of courtship in the fourth stage of personal relationships comes down to the ability to get close to a partner and get to know each other as best as possible. At this stage, you can relax a bit and study your partner. Now you no longer need to strictly monitor yourself and share with him only pleasant experiences, as in the previous stages.
At this stage, a woman is free to express her feelings even if she is in a bad mood. Now is the time to talk about what annoys you the most in life and in relationships with other people. Sometimes it’s even helpful to talk to your partner at the moment when your mood has deteriorated. If you are going to be together for a long time, you should get used to the fact that your partner is not always in a good mood.
At the fourth stage of rapprochement, a woman experiences real relief. Finally, she can explain to her partner why she is sad. She can relax and open her soul without any hesitation. If a woman is ready to speak frankly about herself to a man, and he, after listening to her, retains love and respect for her, then these partners are ready for greater physical intimacy. When a woman gradually approaches her partner, she can reveal the full potential of her sensuality.
Women are like waves
At the fourth stage of rapprochement, it can be difficult for men to come to terms with the fact that in women, a spiritual upsurge is always followed by a downturn. Women are like waves. After rapprochement, a woman feels more vulnerable, and therefore her feelings either increase or decrease. For several weeks she can revel in love, but then suddenly her feelings fade. This is due to the fact that feelings reach a peak and inevitably decline.
Rapprochement makes a woman more vulnerable, and therefore her feelings either rise or fall, like waves.
When a woman's feelings decline, she loses the ability to bestow love on a man for a while. Therefore, in the fourth stage, it is necessary for a man to treat a woman from time to time in the same way as in the third. During periods of cooling, he should show his best qualities, not counting on the fact that a woman will immediately reciprocate him. A man must remember that he has enough strength to make her happy. If in such a situation a man mistakenly believes that he failed to make his chosen one happy, he begins to doubt his feelings.
The more fond memories a man has of the third stage courtship process, the easier it is for him to cope with the problems that arise in stage four, when it seems like one setback follows another. If a man is aware that women are like waves, he can minimize the consequences of the disappointment that he experiences at the moment when the wave of female feelings crashes down. Such a man does not indulge in despair, because he knows exactly what is happening to a woman, and understands that sooner or later she will begin to get emotional again.
When a woman's feelings are on the decline, a man mistakenly believes that he cannot make her happy.
When a wave of female feelings soars up, love for a man flares up with renewed vigor. When the wave crashes down, a woman for a while loses the ability to love a man, no matter how wonderful a partner he may be. At such moments, she simply cannot be sensitive, understanding and receptive.
In such a situation, a man sometimes tries to reason with a woman. He talks about how she should express her feelings, while he himself should support her, because that's what they do on Venus, where women come from. Instead of inventing ways to solve the problem, a man needs to treat a woman with understanding and sympathy. This will bring both partners much more benefit. What a woman needs at a time when the wave of her feelings is on the wane is the confidence that her partner does not condemn her for being cold.
When the wave of female feelings is on the decline, a woman needs a man's love even more urgently.
Providing support to a woman, a man should not expect that she will immediately feel a surge of warm feelings. This usually takes time. If her feelings are on the decline, a man can only help ensure that this process is not too painful. When her feelings reach a low point, but she still feels support from a man, her feelings soar up again.
When a wave of feelings breaks on the shore
I will give as an example a few typical situations that develop at a time when the wave of female feelings is on the decline.
1. Feeling overwhelmed
When a woman's feelings decline, she begins to complain about her fate. At this moment, you should not convince a woman, you just need to listen to her, showing understanding and sympathy. If a woman complains that she has too much to do, a man should not give her advice. He would do much wiser if he just complimented her.
Suppose a woman says:
“I don't have time for fun. I have so many things to do. I just can’t handle everything…”
If a woman is having a hard time, a man should offer her help. But do not count on the fact that this will immediately perk her up. She won't tell you, "Thank you for offering to help me. Now I'm much better." She can say this only at the moment when the wave of her feelings rises again.
A man must take into account that during a period of mental decline, a woman is simply not able to sensitively respond to his advances. But when the wave of feelings begins to grow, she will be very grateful to him. After all, it's not hard to love a person when they're in a good mood. Love is tested for strength at a time when a woman is depressed. If at such a moment a man is ready to come to her aid, she will never forget this and will always treat him with tenderness. It is at such moments that a woman begins to truly trust her partner.
2. Feeling insecure
When a woman's feelings are on the decline, she begins to ask a man about how he feels about her and what he thinks about their relationship. She can ask him how much he loves her and how he feels about her body. These questions should not be taken literally. Don't try to reason with her. She just wants you to dispel her fears.
Suppose a woman asks:
"Don't you think I'm fat?"
| Don't say back: | Better say: |
|---|---|
| "Well what can I say. Of course, you can't be called a model. But models are starving themselves." | "To me you are beautiful and I love you just the way you are." And then hug her. |
| “Don't judge yourself too harshly. Take my example." | "You look great. I admire you". And then hug her. |
| "If you want to lose weight, you need help." | “I'm crazy about you. I think you look amazing." Then hug or kiss her. |
| "If you want to lose weight, let's go to the gym together." | "I really like you. I think you're in great shape." Then hug or kiss her. |
"Are you sure we're right for each other? Do you still love me?"
| Don't say back: | Better say: |
|---|---|
| "I think we're still interested in the two of us." | “I am sure that we are suitable for each other. I go crazy about you. You changed my whole life." |
| “Well, time will tell. That's why we meet." | "Yes I love you. I've never met such a fantastic woman like you." |
| “If I thought differently, would I date you for a whole year?” | "Yes. I love you more and more every day." |
| “How many times can you talk about it? I thought we'd already discussed all this." | "Yes, the better I get to know you, the more I love you." |
Suppose a woman says:
"How can you love me? I can't get my affairs in order. I'm literally torn to pieces."
| Don't say back: | Better say: |
|---|---|
| “Yes, sometimes it is difficult. I really wish you'd worry less about business." | “You know, I love you and will help you clean up. You do so many things. Let me hug you. Trust me, I love you." |
| “You are not torn apart at all. You just take things way too seriously." | “Well, if you are torn apart, I will try to keep you in my arms. I love you. You can contact me at any time." |
| “You are overloading yourself. If you rested more often, the world would not seem so gloomy to you. | “I love you because you are ready to help everyone. What can I do for you?" |
| “If you didn’t worry about all sorts of trifles, it would be much more pleasant to love you.” | “I love you and I think you are special. Do not be afraid of anything. I'm with you". |
| “If you managed your time better, you wouldn’t feel like you’re being torn apart.” | "It's good that you need me. I love you. I have free time, let me help you…” |
3. Resentment
When a woman's feelings are on the decline, she begins to take care of a man, not realizing that she expects the same from him in return. In a moment of elation, she does not suffer from the fact that a man does not take care of her enough, but if it seems to her that she takes care of him better than he does, then at a moment of spiritual decline she may feel resentment. Anyone and anything can upset her: a partner, domestic problems, the situation at her or his place of work, the weather, the behavior of a waiter in a restaurant, comments from parents, troubles on the road, etc. A man in such a situation should not condemn a woman or reproach her for painting the world in too gloomy colors.
Suppose a woman says:
“I can't stand my boss. He thinks that I should do everything for him. He constantly reminds me of my duties.”
| Don't say back: | Better say: |
|---|---|
| “I don’t think your boss is overworking you. He treats you well." | “Yeah, that’s not very nice of him. He takes on too much." |
| “Maybe he just doesn't know how much you've already done. He thinks you're capable of more." | “He must know how much you have done. And you did a lot. What else does he need? Then let her talk. |
| “Tell him you can't do this anymore. Just refuse, that's all." | “It’s just some kind of horror - doesn’t he see that you are exhausted.” Then let her talk. |
| “Tell him you have a lot to do. After that, he will cease to become attached to you. | “Yeah, his demands are clearly overstated. You deserve a rest. When will you rest?" Then let her talk. |
Suppose a woman says:
“This waiter is just rude. We have been waiting for fifteen minutes for him to bring us the bill…”
When a woman feels offended, she is only annoyed by the words of a man who is trying to convince her that she is worried over trifles. First of all, a woman wants to throw out her feelings and make sure that a man is on her side. That is the essence of intimacy for her. She wants to know that he is her ally.
Difficulties faced by women
Women also have to face difficulties in relationships with a partner in the fourth stage of rapprochement. As we remember, a woman's feelings either soar up or go down. In men, too, something similar happens: a man clings to a woman, then moves away from her. When the degree of intimacy between a man and a woman increases, the man experiences conflicting feelings. On the one hand, he wants to be closer to the woman, on the other hand, he is tempted to take a step back.
A man wants to get close to a woman without losing his independence, so he is alternately possessed by the desire for intimacy and the desire to maintain independence. The closer the relationship between a man and a woman becomes, the more often a man has a desire to step back.
At the third stage of rapprochement, until the relationship between a man and a woman has become intimate, a man constantly strives for intimacy with a woman, wants to make her happy, tries to get to know her better and express his feelings. During this period, he does not have a desire to "pull off."
When the relationship between a man and a woman enters the fourth phase, he from time to time has a desire to move away from her. Whenever a man takes a step towards a woman, he unconsciously wants to take a step back. No matter how much he loves a woman, after rapprochement, he periodically moves away from her. In other words, before getting even closer to a woman, a man always takes a step back.
Before getting even closer to a woman, a man always pulls away before getting closer again.
The closer a man and a woman are to each other, the stronger the man's need to move away from her. Taking a step back, the man returns to the woman, and his love for her only becomes stronger from this.
Step forward - step back
All men in a relationship with a woman, taking a step forward, take a step back. Apparently, this is due to the fact that men in the blood contains a lot of testosterone - the male sex hormone. Since women have never experienced the effects of testosterone, it is difficult for them to understand how a man feels. Quite often it happens that a woman, not providing support to a man, involuntarily creates an environment in which the love and attraction of a man weakens.
When a man pulls away from a woman, you should not force yourself on the man or try to win him back. You just need to wait a little, and when he decides to return, you should not reject him. A man must make sure that a woman understands his condition.
Women mistakenly believe that a relationship with a man should be as close as possible. For women, intimacy is associated with good. When a man moves away from a woman, it seems to her that their relationship has gone wrong, so she seeks to bring him even closer to her. A wise woman understands that a man needs personal space, and only in this case he can return to her of his own free will. After all, the big is seen from a distance. Only by pulling away from a woman does a man begin to realize how much he misses her.
Men are like a stretched spring
When a woman is sympathetic to a man's desire to move away from her, she creates the conditions necessary for him to feel how much he needs her. Men are like a stretched spring in many ways. Whenever this spring is stretched, a stress is generated which compresses the spring again. If a woman understands the dynamics of male feelings, she has no doubt that a man loves her enough to return to her.
Every time a man returns to a woman, his love grows stronger. Little by little, the desire to move away from her is waning. It remains, but loses its former strength. This desire is most clearly manifested if close relationships between a man and a woman develop at a time when the man is not yet ready for them. If a man approaches a woman before he begins to feel attracted to her on a physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual level, he may leave her altogether. When love is not strong enough, the spring of male feelings can burst. Let me give you an example from my practice.
Love at first sight
Derrick was thirty-two when he met Rochelle and fell in love with her at first sight. They had only been on a few dates, and they were already acting like they had loved each other all their lives. Derrick called Rochelle several times a day. They spent the weekend together. They had no secrets from each other. Derrick had never experienced such passionate love. He was crazy about Rochelle. Their relationship was full of romance; they just couldn't stop looking at each other.
But three weeks passed and Derrick stopped calling Roshell. She couldn't understand what had happened. She was afraid that trouble had befallen him. She called him at work, but it turned out that everything was fine with him. He spoke to her kindly, but not in the usual way. He said he wasn't going to meet her just yet. To Rochelle, it sounded like an insult. She could not believe her ears: how could he cool off towards her in such a short time, if just the other day he was passionately in love? She acted politely, but something broke inside her. It hurt her to know that he was talking to her like they were just friends.
She waited two more days, but he never called. She was desperate, she didn't even want to see him. In the end, she decided to call him and tell him frankly what she thought about it. They had an unpleasant conversation, after which they finally broke up. Roshell was offended by Derrick, and he was tormented by the thought that he made her suffer.
It is noteworthy that he did not want to part with her at all. He took their relationship seriously and thought she was the perfect fit for him. But one morning he woke up in the same bed with her, and for some reason it seemed to him that she was not quite the woman he dreamed of. He wanted so badly to get up and leave. When they had breakfast, he mentally compared her with the female ideal that his imagination drew for him, and noticed that she did not correspond to this ideal. He fell in love with Rochelle at first sight and fell out of love with her just as quickly.
He did not know what to do, and therefore chose to remain inactive. When she called him again and said that he was hurting her, he decided to break up with her. He felt sorry for her, but he saw no other way out. He could not change his feelings and did not want to torment her.
sudden cooling
Six months later, Derrick attended my seminar and learned that men are like a stretched spring. Suddenly it dawned on him, and he immediately understood why he first fell in love with Rochelle without a memory, and then quickly lost interest in her. They were too close, so he soon pulled away from her, at which point she called him. He could not assure Rochelle that he loved her, because he was no longer sure of his feelings. He felt like she wasn't right for him. It is possible that their relationship could have turned out differently if they first got to know each other better, instead of moving on to the fourth stage of rapprochement. Although Derrick no longer had the same passion for Rochelle, he often yearned for her. He decided to call her and explain himself. They agreed to meet at a restaurant and discuss everything he had learned from the seminar.
And now they are dating again. Despite the fact that after such a stormy relationship it was difficult for them to abstain from sex, this time they decided not to rush. They wanted to restore their relationship, so they deliberately returned to the beginning in order to progressively go through all the stages of rapprochement.
When they reached the fourth stage again, Derrick again felt like pulling away from Rochelle. His soul was torn back like a stretched spring. But this time the desire did not reach the former strength, because they had known each other for a long time. He decided to move away from her for a while, but after only a couple of days, he began to yearn for her intensely. Their connection was so strong that at that moment the spring of his feelings did not burst. A year later they got married and still live happily ever after.
Four portals to intimacy
Four portals lead to true intimacy, because true intimacy is possible only simultaneously on the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels. Until there is a connection between partners at all four levels, they cannot be called close people. If partners rush to enter into an intimate relationship before real intimacy arises between them, they may regret it.
In order to prepare for intimacy, you need to go through the three initial stages of intimacy. The origin and development of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual attraction takes a lot of time, but only after that a person feels ready for real intimacy. If partners enter into physical intimacy without feeling a genuine emotional or spiritual connection, their relationship begins to feel flawed.
Sometimes it happens that a person wakes up the next morning after a stormy night and cannot understand who this stranger is lying next to him. In other words, intimacy can bring people closer, but if they are in too much of a hurry, it distances them from each other.
When a man and a woman get intimate too early, the man tends to pull away from the woman just when she needs special attention. The need for care, the desire to move away from a partner for a while are quite natural in themselves, but if the partners are not ready for this, it is quite difficult for them.
In such a situation, a man may feel such a strong desire to move away from a woman that separation becomes inevitable. A woman in these circumstances begins to impose her society on him and thus finally discourages him from continuing the relationship. True intimacy between partners is possible only if they are attracted to each other on all four levels.
When a man and a woman enter into an intimate relationship too early, men are even more like a stretched spring, and a woman's feelings begin to resemble the sea even more during excitement. If the partners are not in a hurry, this excitement cannot grow into a storm, and the spring of male feelings does not stretch too much. There are ups and downs in any relationship, but in the second case, it is easier to cope with any difficulties.
Be patient
If a man and a woman have experienced everything that can happen to a couple in the first, second and third stages of rapprochement, then they are ready for real intimacy. Many men are surprised when they first realize that intellectual and emotional intimacy can be just as satisfying as physical intimacy. If a man has tasted physical intimacy with a woman who is close to him on all four levels, he will not be able to leave her.
Having sex instead of making love is like giving up a sumptuous meal in order to eat processed foods. Why settle for little? To achieve more, you need strength and time, but love is worth it. Having overcome all the stages of rapprochement, a man is convinced that by giving himself entirely to a woman, he receives in return what he could not even dream of before.
Role reversal
When a man approaches a woman, the woman feels so confident that she becomes more receptive. In the process of rapprochement of partners, not only a woman, but also a man gradually reveals his feelings. Getting used to respect and appreciate her feelings, a man sooner or later pays attention to his own experiences. That is why, over time, men also begin to feel the need to share their feelings with a woman. If a man constantly supports a woman and has sincere conversations with her, then nothing prevents him from sometimes sharing his experiences with her. In the end, he, too, has the right to count on understanding.
In the fourth stage of convergence, I would recommend switching roles from time to time. If a date was always appointed by a man, then the time has come for a woman to take the initiative. If he had always listened patiently to her, now she could listen to him too. If he was the initiator of physical intimacy all along, now she can fulfill this role. Role reversal is an important element of the relationship in the fourth stage of convergence. However, it must be emphasized that this technique should be used with caution. Otherwise, the man may become too passive and the woman too active. If you switch roles, do it consciously, realizing that this is a temporary phenomenon.
If a man is too sensitive and talkative
Some men are especially sensitive. They tend to like to talk and come across as very open people. The trouble is that such men can unwittingly destroy relationships with a woman. A woman must be sure that a man turns to her for her own sake, and not for his own sake; only in this case can she take care of him without thinking about sacrificing herself. If a man needs a woman more than she needs him, their relationship is in serious danger. If a woman is sure that a man never speaks more than her, their relationship remains balanced.
A man should take care never to speak more than a woman.
When a woman feels that a man needs help, she ceases to feel her own needs. In this sense, men are very different from women. When a man listens to a woman who shares her experiences with him, he becomes more aware of his own feelings and needs. When a woman listens to a man, she forgets about her feelings and needs.
Golden mean
If partners change roles too often, a man can become like waves, and a woman can be like a stretched spring. Because of this, serious problems arise in the relationship. The fact is that a woman whose feelings are stretched like a spring is hardly able to withstand such tension. She reaches for the man, but she can't pull back. When a man's feelings begin to resemble waves, a woman has to constantly spare his feelings, and therefore she forgets about her own needs. In addition, a man can become even more vulnerable and vulnerable. In order to avoid these complications, couples in love should stick to the golden mean. If they change roles too often, the romance may disappear from their relationship. But if they follow the measure, it gives excellent results.
Of course, a man can share his innermost thoughts, feelings, experiences and dreams with his girlfriend, but first he needs to make sure that he has managed to satisfy the needs of a woman. In addition, he should not be overly sensitive.
In other words, a woman should not get the impression that a man takes her time and energy. At first, a woman willingly sacrifices her interests for the sake of a man, but then she begins to feel that she does not receive the support she is entitled to. At this point, she will want to move away from a man, but women are not used to pulling away, so she will have to make a lot of effort. All this can complicate the transition of the relationship to the fifth stage - the engagement stage.
Transition to the fifth stage of rapprochement
After getting closer to a partner, it is much easier to understand whether he is suitable for the role of a life partner. Many people ask themselves: “How to find a soul mate?” I would answer this way: overcome the first four stages of rapprochement and everything will become clear to you. At some point, you will understand whether this person is right for you or not. From now on, you will be ready to move on to the fifth stage of convergence.
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