By applying at least some of the tips and getting even a slight increase in your self-confidence and self-esteem, you will significantly make your life easier, increase your income, improve your well-being and the quality of your life in general! You can actually achieve this quite quickly and easily.

Why is it important? Or what is self-confidence?

Your success in life = Your Professionalism/Skills , multiplied by Self-confidence and self-esteem. Which means that you cannot compensate with new knowledge and professionalism for a lack of confidence and self-esteem. If you want to live better and earn more, develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Have you noticed that there are not very smart, but successful people, self-confident, perhaps arrogant, boorish, rod forward like an innocent bulldozer and, oddly enough, “for some reason”, achieve what they want?

And vice versa, there are very smart, kind people, perhaps with 2-3 higher educations, but unsuccessful, because they are insecure and with low self-esteem? And no matter what they do, somehow everything does not work out very well, it falls out of hand. It's not about professional knowledge, besides them you still need courage, pressure, determination.

This is what it means to have or lack self-confidence and good self-esteem. You cannot compensate for them by getting another university degree or an MBA, reading another hundred books.

I know excellent, kind, beautiful people, with 3 higher educations, living in cities, who can hardly earn their own food, because they have a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Having even a small grain of self-confidence, you will be able to “move mountains” of cases. And it's really easy to implement, develop in yourself.

Tip 1: Insecurity and low self-esteem - no need to be ashamed.

We live in a very difficult time and go through several structural crises at once. We were not prepared in school for such difficult times and rapid changes. Therefore, economic crises are called depressions.

They hurt the self-esteem and self-confidence of almost all people. Even businessmen can't stand it. Stress, chronic fatigue and burnout are the main diseases that lead to heart disease, cancer and even death.

Shame - pushes the problem out of consciousness. In other words, what you are ashamed of - you try not to notice, not to talk about it and not pay attention to it. The problem will remain, only you will not notice it and will not know what you are suffering from. For example, I spent 10 years to understand what was the matter - I was ashamed. During this time, you could become dozens of times more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem. And forget about it.

Living with low self-esteem creates a risk to health and life in modern conditions. Therefore, it is vital to figure out how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Fear, shame and laziness have big eyes. Everything is much simpler than it seems, the road will be mastered by the walking one, and luck is a reward for courage.

Tip 2: Perfectionism or learn to live with self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Even many celebrities - admit that they consider themselves not very confident people. That doesn't stop them from being successful. There is no limit to perfection. There is no limit to self-confidence. The theme is natural for everyone - it's just that everyone has their own level.

Some lack the confidence and self-esteem to find a decent job. Others, in order to raise their business to a new level, earn another million, implement a grandiose project.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem will always bother you a little - this is normal. We are all living people. As soon as you reach your current goal, you will want more and again you will lack self-esteem and self-confidence for a new goal.

Learn not to give a damn about insecurities and learn to keep moving forward in a state of low self-esteem! Ideal conditions do not exist, and they are not needed. You will go through the next step and you won’t even notice how confidence and self-esteem have pulled themselves up.

Tip 3: Why most training doesn't work? The psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem are very deep subconscious a habit that you developed and, alas, consolidated for decades. And then, through negative experience and stress, they literally “concreted” in subconscious. We are controlled by the subconscious and habits - you need to change them first of all.

The work on changes must be carried out at two levels - at the conscious and subconscious levels. On a conscious level, for example, with the help of self-hypnosis, a quick effect is obtained, but short, and one has to constantly do self-hypnosis exercises or others. Only on a subconscious level can you develop deep changes and fix the result forever.

Most of the trainings that I have seen do not work on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence on subconscious level. Coaches just don't know how to work with the subconscious mind. Well, or they are too lazy to bother. And the practice is somehow more like self-hypnosis - self-esteem "bursts" like a soap bubble from the first difficulty.

It's much easier to create a short-term boost of confidence in one day - to quickly get great video reviews. The student will leave happy, but after 2 days, confidence and self-esteem fall below the plinth. The trainer does not care about this anymore - the feedback has been received and will be used to sell the course to other similar people.

Attempts to contact the coach again may end with a hint “that you are a fool”, “do more exercises”, pay again. This may be repeated several times. The student, having wasted money, remains in the cold and continues to soar over the same situations, but with ineffective exercises.

Tip 4: What should be the training? Secrets of the psychology of confidence and self-esteem.

A training that truly teaches how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence and leads to long-term and profound changes:

1. It lasts from 1 month to form the habit of thinking in a new way, the skills to stop doubting and being afraid.
2. It contains meditation exercises to form changes and consolidate the skill of “stop being afraid”, doubt at the level of consciousness and subconsciousness.
3. It has exercises that let go of previous negative experiences and doubts that concrete self-esteem below the plinth.
4. Improves life for literally a month, and even increase the income of the participant.
5. Tips and exercises should be simple. So that even the most insecure get the result, stupidly doing the exercises. The number of exercises performed turn into quality - the skills of inner confidence and strong self-esteem are formed.
6. Should not take a lot of time and a lot of effort. They simply do not exist in modern man. Approximately 1 hour a day no more.
7. "Shell" of tension- released? (“Shell” of tension - constantly tense muscles on the body on the lower back, shoulders, neck, hips, face - everyone has it, but not everyone feels it) If not, then this is not personal growth training, but nonsense, with a loss time and money. The effect will be short-term - a few days or weeks, a maximum of a month.

1. Qualitatively form new behavioral skills at the subconscious level - through simple exercises.

Exercise 1: You as an asset. How to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem based on previous experience.

The title suggests the solution. People with low self-esteem and self-doubt do not value themselves, their experience, their knowledge, their past achievements, their skills. They say -

“Well, it happened by chance, I was just lucky”, “oh yes, this is nonsense.” Just remember that accidents are not accidental.

If you yourself do not appreciate yourself and your achievements, who else will appreciate you? First you learn to appreciate yourself, and then others around you will catch up.

Get a notebook that will be your "diary of success." There is something magical about keeping your diary - just by keeping a diary, you can achieve sustainable personal growth, develop the skill of analyzing situations, changing yourself, and forming the desired character traits.

Remember your past experience and life stages: work, youth, studying at a university, school in different classes.

What successes, successes, victories, awards, achievements, skills, positive personal qualities did you have? What obstacles did you overcome to get them? Write it all down with your progress in your diary.

• What did you do well?
• What did you do on your own, “did your hands do it yourself”?
• What could you do for free?
• What activities do you lose track of time?
• What got you excited?
• Why did your eyes burn in childhood or youth, and your heart began to beat in pleasant excitement?

Write down everything you remember in your notebook. Consciousness is able to displace (forget) insignificant events. And such events are clearly underestimated in you. You will need several attempts to remember everything and do not require yourself to remember everything now. Just do this exercise for a few days. When you remember something, write it down.

Exercise - Daily experience.

People tend to pay more attention to negative events and forget, belittle their dignity. It is recommended that every day, mentally go through the events of the day, remember what you did today. Remember your small daily victories that you did not notice during the day, good luck, new opportunities, qualities.

Do the exercise for several weeks or even months until you have a stable habit, a new habit of noticing and appreciating any of your small achievements, noticing even small opportunities.

You will be surprised how effective this will be for you. It is from such “small” achievements that strong self-confidence is formed, stable high self-esteem and a successful life are developed.

Exercise 2: Subconscious changes or how to gain self-confidence and raise self-esteem from deep within.

Do you have grievances, doubts? For example, I considered myself not a touchy person. But everything turned out to be exactly the opposite. I was very touchy and actually took offense even at the smallest matter. Gradually, the understanding came that this was not normal and that it was only me. Gradually began to let go of resentment.

Remember the movie "Gentlemen of Fortune"? One of the main characters was constantly offended by the other: "I tell him - I have the flu, and he: - Get into the water, get into the water!" Because of this resentment, he forgot that he was forced to climb into the water to hide that very golden helmet. Which they could not remember where they hid and find, the whole movie.

It's the same in life because of resentment, we concentrate on the bad, and lose sight of the opportunities. And over time, it hurts self-esteem.

First, I wrote down in my diary all the grievances that bothered me at the moment, and what I could remember. There were 10-30 grievances. Then he released everything on the list. Then he wrote it down again and again, and let go until he let go of everything. Now a strong skill has been formed and I need exactly a couple of seconds to let go of resentment.

How much easier it became to live and communicate with other people.

The times when I was offended - I remember with horror. Letting go of resentment is an indescribable relief. Take a diary, write down 10-30+ grievances, start letting them go from the easiest to the most difficult. With each resentment released, you can gain a drop of self-confidence and slightly raise self-esteem.

“Only the weak can be offended.

Is it possible to offend a strong, confident person with strong self-esteem? It turns out that any offense initially positions you in weakness, vulnerability, in touch. Letting go of resentment means regaining your strength, self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence that you can handle it. How nice it is to be strong from the inside and gain self-confidence and well-deserved self-esteem.

- All grievances are such trifles - complete nonsense.

Stop acting like a sissy - you are much stronger than you seem. Life can give you a beating and kicks, so what? Is it worth it to be offended on every occasion? A kick in the ass means a step forward. A kick is not as terrible as our consciousness paints it. Discomfort from some situations is greatly exaggerated by our consciousness.

And do not waste precious energy on them - offended. Start letting go of resentment, and you will see how you will become much stronger than yourself. Let go of resentment for yourself, not for someone else. You need it first. Others do not care about your grievances - they carry water on the offended. Do the exercise, get rid of resentment and “they will stop carrying water” on your back.

You will gain your strength, become self-confident with strong self-esteem.

Exercise 3: Mistakes in life or how to be self-confident, increase self-esteem and love yourself despite past experiences.

Folk wisdom says:

• no bad without good
• not flour, but science in advance
• there would be no happiness, but misfortune helped.

The list of such proverbs could go on and on. The world is so arranged that everything is known in comparison. Achievements and victories are therefore valuable, because losses can be painful. Only good things would be like butter, cloyingly sweet.

Again, we are not taught and prepared for a real and tough life. Yes, it is a beautiful world - but it is full of dangers. Society is the same jungle with the struggle for survival, only tougher. And all life is a struggle: with sleep, with your weaknesses, with challenges, and with anything else ...

If you succeeded in something, then you received some benefit or reward. If you made a mistake and made a mistake, then you have learned a life lesson. If you want to achieve a lot in life, you need to increase the number of mistakes. Without mistakes, you cannot be successful.

Exercise: Write down the mistakes that bother you.

What lesson did you learn from this mistake? Yes, it may have been painful - accept the lesson and let go of resentment, at the situation, at yourself or others for what happened. This is a stage in life that you need to go through. Take the lesson and move on.

Everyone is wrong. But not everyone gets hung up on mistakes. Rejecting the painful "lesson" - you will attract similar situations to yourself again and again. By accepting the lesson, you return your strength, self-esteem, self-confidence that you can achieve what you want and reach a new level. By accepting the situation, you recognize that you are stronger than you thought about yourself. The way it is.

All your mistakes - dust, nonsense raised to a power - are not worth even one of your gray hairs. This is a fly turned into an elephant due to resentment. Let go and move on to new heights. This is exactly how strength, strong life skills are acquired, this is how self-confidence and iron self-esteem are forged and tempered.

Exercise 4: The roles you play. How to become a confident person and increase self-esteem.

We all play some role. For example, I played a role for a long time, a pretty guy, a shirt-guy, a cheerful perky guy. Still - it's so liked by others. Others play roles - I don't care, I don't need anything, I'm the most important, I'm cool / cool. All these roles are not yours and are imposed in the process of socialization.

Externally, they can manifest themselves in the choice of clothing, gait, gestures, facial expressions, and behavior.

Naturally, the role interferes with being yourself. By itself - to show their strength. For example, playing the role of a good guy, I could not say "no" - I'm a good guy - I was used accordingly. Playing some roles creates the illusion, security, that everything is in order.

In fact, playing a role creates a rejection of a part of yourself, naturally this leads to an underestimation of self-esteem and self-confidence. Embarrassment and embarrassment from oneself. Renouncing the role - you return yourself to yourself, find yourself, your strength, self-confidence. You allow yourself to claim what you really want in the depths of your soul!

Look into your past. What roles have you played or are you currently playing? Why do you think you are playing this role? What are you running from hiding in this role? What do you give up in yourself playing this role? What are you afraid of and hiding behind this role? Write down how you should behave in such situations in order to be yourself?

Write it down in your diary. Get yourself in the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you wrote down in your notebook. And you will become more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem at the deepest subconscious level.

Exercise 5: How to become self-confident, love yourself and increase self-esteem?

In general, there are no special differences for men or for women how to become confident in themselves, love themselves and increase self-esteem. There are male troubles, patterns of behavior, roles, weaknesses, prejudices of expectation or suppression of oneself. And there are women. Therefore, in this section we will talk about gender patterns of behavior.

Letting go of men's troubles as a way to build self-esteem and self-confidence.

For example, I had a pattern of behavior - unwillingness to cook, clean the apartment - this is not a man's business, but I'm a man! As a result, often trying to cook something, I unconsciously did something wrong, either the food burned out, or something else. It was a kind of unconscious protest that I lived alone. How would he complicate his life in order to “kick” himself for living alone.

Doing cleaning - I was very annoyed, angry with myself - this is not a man's business. Trying to jump out of your pants to make yourself a "real man". Well, and other male troubles that really interfere with life. After letting them go, for example, I realized that I really like to cook and I'm great at it.

And having accepted the fact that cleaning the apartment is a matter for both men and women, the perception has changed - I began to see in women precisely femininity, and not the cleaner of the apartment. By the way, women began to feel more comfortable next to me. And now we do the cleaning together, quickly, dividing duties and helping each other.

Letting go of women's troubles - the psychology of real femininity.

Naturally, these gender troubles interfere with life, interfere with being yourself. Similarly, there are female troubles. For example, for many women, femininity and weakness are synonymous. And in an attempt to "strengthen" their femininity, some women make themselves not just weak, but infirm.

I saw one like that - she could hardly carry a folder with documents, and at the same time she was very angry that she had to endure such a horror-horror weight of 1 kg so feminine. Well, how can a weak woman be confident or have strong self-esteem? Yes, no way. Best the enemy of the good. No one is forcing you to carry heavy things, just don't make yourself weak.

Another example of a female template is to live for others: for children, for a husband, for someone else. Which means the very suppression of oneself, the sacrifice of oneself in the name of "good" goals.

Such people are unpleasant and cause rejection, hostility. Get rid of this "tuning". Think - what female / male roles do you play? What gender pattern do you have. Why are you actually playing this role or trouble? What are you protesting against? Or what are you trying to prove? Did playing this role help you?

Discard this template - it is probably already very outdated and has become ineffective. What new behavior would be more adequate for you in the current conditions? Write it down in a diary and set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way and will no longer sweat because of these troubles.

Exercise 6: Unfinished business. Performance. Imitation of violent activity.

Unfinished business drains you of strength, health and reduces your productivity. It is impossible to deceive yourself or your subconscious - the subconscious or some inner part of yourself always knows who you really are.

If you are trying to get some new contract, customer or job, but at the same time you have a lot of unfinished business behind you, then your subconscious mind will slow you down. As if hinting - well, where do you need a new business, if you have not finished the old one yet? You won't make it. And it will start to fill you with doubts.

Unfinished situations keep you in the past and do not let you live. Incomplete relationships - interfere with personal life and are not allowed to create new relationships. Not letting go of unnecessary people from you - you do not let the right people into your life. All this lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of something or someone.

I remember I could not let go of some situation and addressed this to my teacher. He listened and asked - do I know how monkeys are caught in India? They eat there. I answered no. Hindus tie a glass jar and put a banana inside. The monkey sees a banana and sticks his hand, but the hand does not pass with the banana through the neck of the jar.

The monkey is unable to open his fist and release the banana, so he loses his life. My teacher looked at me and added - Let go of the "banana", don't be a monkey. Let go of the situation - do not waste your health and strength on it.

Do the exercise as quickly as possible: write down in your diary what unfinished business, relationships, situations do you have? Think about how you could finish them in order to free yourself? Write down your new steps in order to complete the situations. Start taking action immediately. Release those who need to be released.

You are doing this for yourself first of all, and not for someone else. Set yourself up for the future, that you will finish situations, projects, work. Stick to this new rule. Remember - you have no limits, except those. What you have created for yourself. You are the person who is holding you back the most.

Exercise 7: How self-doubt and low self-esteem affect health.

People with low self-esteem and self-doubt tend to relate to themselves, to their lives. Health is disdainful, disregard. Low self-esteem and self-doubt create a state of apathy. They discourage the desire to do something for themselves. Includes self-ignoring.

Even some revenge is possible. For example, one of my acquaintances, in moments of hopelessness, could drink, and then get behind the wheel and drive around the city “dizzy”. Well, this is her form of self-blame, self-punishment of herself for the fact that something in life does not work out. There are other forms which I will not describe.

Remember that you need to take care of your health. Neglecting your health is tantamount to neglecting yourself. If you don't value yourself, who will value you? And at the same time, appreciating yourself and your health is almost the same thing. Be sure to take care of your health - do regular exercises - it's not difficult.

In a healthy body healthy mind. A healthy mind means healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. Take care of your health and do not wait for better times - start taking care of yourself today and every day.

Exercise 8: Letting go of self-pity or how to become self-confident, love yourself and raise self-esteem.

There is such a pattern in behavior - poor baby, self-pity. Oh, the pain of self-pity. When you feel sorry for yourself, some muscles on your head tense up and cause incredible pain! Self-pity literally blocks your progress, ramming your self-confidence and self-esteem into the dirt.

Self-pity is very stressful to those around you. It's incredibly difficult to communicate with them. Therefore, people subconsciously avoid those who feel sorry for themselves, they subconsciously want to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Run away further. Surprisingly, people do not like to be miserable, but often fall into self-pity, they want to be pitied.

Which means they'll look pathetic, though logically few people can relate that. Get rid of this relic, hard times. With the help of pity, the maximum that you get is a handout in the form of a “crust of bread”. If you really want to succeed, you can't do it with handouts. Success must be taken by force, firmness, character.

By letting go of self-pity, you regain your strength, restore and strengthen your self-confidence, increase your self-esteem.

Write down in your notebook why you feel sorry for yourself? And start to paint why do you really feel sorry for yourself? Let go of pity until a strong skill is formed. Over time, you will be able to let go of pity in a few seconds. And there will be a habit to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Exercise 9: Look fear in the eye or the psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

All people have fears and are afraid of something. Again, everyone has their own level. We need fear to survive - it is a harbinger of danger. But when emotions are added to fear, then "the fly turns into an elephant." People say fear has big eyes. Because rational in your fear is no more than 1-3 percent.

And everything else that you are afraid of is dust, nothing. The other 97% of your fear is an exaggeration. Fear binds and hinders action. What can be self-esteem if there are fears? Fear is deposited on the body - a thick layer of tension. Letting go of fear releases tension in the body.

Castaneda (the most quoted mystic of the 20th century) argued that fear is our first enemy to be conquered. But if you lose to fear, then the loss will be for life. I met a girl who lost the battle to her fear. Those. she could not let go of some fear at the right moment.

Her fear turned into paranoia. She was afraid of everything. Most of her fears were contrived by her fertile imagination. For example, she was afraid to stand with her feet on a chair 30-40 cm high. How can you let go of fear? Look deep into fear. Figure out what you're really afraid of. Write it down in detail in your diary.

Imagine what would happen if something happened that you are afraid of? Is it really as terrible as the fear makes it out to be? Do you really not survive this? Keep looking "in the face" of fear and try to understand, to feel what you are really afraid of. Write down all your thoughts.

Before my final battle with fear, I tuned in for several hours.

I was shaking with fear, like a perch in the wind. But I gathered my courage, mentally tuned in, prepared to look him in the face - to sort out this fear. Everything turned out to be so banal. It was some kind of utter nonsense, which he himself came up with.

Let go and feel better. As if a great weight had fallen off the shoulders - the muscles of the shoulders and near the neck relaxed. Then I let go of many more fears. How many there were. And how they interfered with life. Has the fear disappeared completely? No, it is still there, just a little, 100 times less than it was.

So much should remain. Fear - as a harbinger of danger, which without fear we will not notice. Does it prevent you from living, acting, reaching new levels? No.

Exercise 10: Letting go of guilt or how to gain self-confidence, increase self-esteem and love yourself.

As Confucius said: The one who imposes on you a sense of guilt wants to command you. Feelings of guilt literally hammer self-esteem and self-confidence into the ground. Trying to gain self-confidence and self-esteem while feeling guilty is like trying to fill a sieve with water.

When you have a feeling of guilt, ropes can be twisted out of you. And the worst thing is that there will always be people who will do it. First, a person is accused of omissions, negligence, mistakes, and half of them are invented, and the rest is exaggerated. And then they allegedly do a favor and forgive, but in fact they plow on free work, obligations, etc.

Feelings of guilt are released, like resentment, only more difficult. Guilt is such a big offense at yourself. I recommend letting go of a few dozen grievances first in order to gain experience before taking on letting go of feelings of guilt. The moment when the feeling of guilt was released - you will not confuse it with anything.

This is the moment of the strongest relief, liberation, as if a heavy burden was removed from the soul. The biggest difficulty in letting go of guilt is that people really believe that they deserve it, that they themselves are to blame and should be punished.

You will be surprised, but you have no reason to feel guilty, even if you made some mistake.

And if you let go of guilt, this does not mean that you will make mistakes more often, it does not mean that you will go into all serious trouble and become without a tower. Rather, the feeling of guilt attracts mistakes and problems like a magnet.

Feel free to get rid of guilt - remember no one owes anything to anyone. Just as you don't owe anything, so do you. If you feel guilty, then you have loaded yourself with something superfluous. This kind of ego, look what a cool anti-hero I am, I was able to ruin the lives of so many people. But deep down, I'm good, so I'm tormenting myself with guilt.

You cannot be held responsible when you feel guilty. Guilt replaces responsibility. You will act extremely irresponsibly, people will be angry with you, offended, but your conscience will torment you. It's not conscience - it's irresponsibility that torments you. Do you want to be responsible? Let go of guilt towards others.

Exercise 11: Self-deceptions and delusions. Self-hypnosis of negativity or who are you really trying to deceive?

I remember how in the very beginning, when I was just starting to work on my self-esteem and self-confidence, my teacher carefully caught me in self-deception. For me it was like a bolt from the blue. "How? Am I fooling myself? It can't be like that.”

In the future, of course, many self-deceptions were revealed and released. Each time it brought incredible relief and gave a drop of self-respect and strength. If you think that you are not deceiving yourself, then this is your first self-deception! Nothing human is alien to you. Actually, like any other people.

You don't have to blame yourself for it. We are all like that, to one degree or another. Such are people, and you are the same - also, first of all - a person. Think about situations in which you have deceived yourself. Think about why this happened? Write down in your diary the reasons for self-deception in more detail. Don't be afraid to tell yourself the truth.

Remember or find in the situation the moment when you made the Choice in favor of self-deception. Mentally replay the situation. Imagine that you acted differently - as you should have. And set yourself the mood that next time in a new situation you will act differently - without self-deception.

Your environment pulls you in. If they are higher than you, they will pull you up. If it is lower than you, then they will accordingly be pulled down, and your confidence and self-esteem will fall. You can also choose a circle of like-minded people - those people who strive for more and really work on themselves - you will also grow with such people.

There is a category of people from whom you need to run away - it is impossible to help them. You will not have enough strength, health, or life to help them get out of the pit into which they stubbornly plunge themselves. This is not bad. This does not characterize you as bad. Save yourself and thousands around you will be saved. If you try to save someone around you, you will not save anyone, including yourself.

I am not saying not to help others. You can help if they help themselves. What if they drown themselves? Wouldn't it turn out that the drowning man would drag the rescuer along with him, i.e. You? There are some things life has to explain. And if people harm themselves so much, then only life can make them change their attitude towards themselves in order to start digging out of the hole.

There is nothing shameful in choosing the right social circle for yourself, refusing to communicate with those who drown themselves and drown others. Who will you hang out with...

Exercise 13: A mess in the head leads to low self-esteem and interferes with the development of self-confidence.

There is such a law of nature - what is outside, so is inside. (maybe someday I will describe all the laws of nature in interpersonal relationships in a separate article.) If a person has a mess around, then there is also a mess in his head. Excuse me. Living in a mess is hard. And by the way, putting and maintaining order around you leads to order in your head.

I know people who have a complete mess everywhere: at the desk, garbage in the car, dislike for cleaning the house. And, "oddly enough", in personal relationships, in business relationships, in friendships, with children and even with parents - also a complete mess. Without translucent. It's a pity for children - they can follow in the footsteps of a parent.

Well, I understand that unwritten rules must be broken if you want to achieve something. Serious projects cannot be realized in a perfectly ordered office. Working for the result implies some mess. And I'm not going to dispute it. But only a working mess, as a result of a working or creative process. And not a household mess, as a result of a mess in the head.

I urge you to fight against the domestic mess.

We worked - remove the excess, put things in order as much as possible. Similarly, at home - put things in order in the rooms, in the cabinets where your things are stored, in personal documents, in your car, in the tools of men or in cosmetics for women, in the kitchen among dishes and utensils.

Don't stress if you need help - find and watch a few video tutorials, there are a lot of them now. Buy accessories for this: different hangers, drawers, folders, shelves are now full of them for all occasions - everything you need to restore at least some order.

Start striving for order. It can be difficult at first, then it will be natural. Learn to put the used item back immediately after use. This will take 3 seconds maximum. Take off your clothes - put them in your place straightaway or in a laundry basket. No need to accumulate it on chairs in order to collect everything later.

Put things in order in your apartment, in closets, on your desk, in things. Throw out the junk.

When you use a tool or accessory, put it right away. Used dishes - put immediately in the dishwasher - do not put them in the sink first, because it is faster for a second, so that later you can put everything separately in the dishwasher. By adhering to this rule, you will have order, cleanliness and you will be able to do much more. A lot more.

And I guarantee you that you will respect yourself more, find yourself, become more confident, self-esteem will increase - after you put things in order around you and when you strive for order. You will gain inner strength. Self-respect is the foundation of self-esteem and confidence.

Exercise 14: Comparing yourself to others or how self-doubt and low self-esteem are developed.

Probably one of the most damaging habits for self-esteem and self-confidence is comparing yourself to others. This habit feeds and concretes your self-doubt and low self-esteem. One way or another, everyone has this habit. Some have more, some have less.

If you take a closer look at this habit, you will notice features. Usually the comparison takes place selectively, with those who are more advanced, with those who are more successful, who are at a higher level, and without noticing the shortcomings of the object of comparison. In themselves, on the contrary, flaws are looked out under a microscope when compared.

If the object of comparison is not cool enough, then consciousness quickly finds another, more advanced object for comparison. It turns out a priori without a winning option, lowering self-esteem and self-confidence lower and lower than the plinth. This unconscious self-torture, framed in a "sweet" BDSM habit.

Naturally, such a comparison discourages, demotivates, prevents you from acting, improving your life, and can drive you into hopelessness, depression. To realize and get rid of such a habit - take a diary and for a while observe how you compare yourself with someone.

• How do you choose an object for comparison?
• How do you choose what to compare with what?
• What details do you pay attention to?
• What advantages do you not see?
• What flaws do you see in others?

You need to notice, realize in habit - everything that is described above. After you have painted the details, try to do exactly the opposite: look for your own advantages, and the object of comparison for shortcomings. You'd be surprised how much of both.

Tell yourself honestly - what are you better than, with whom you compare yourself?

I am almost sure that you will find virtues in yourself, qualities that you have underestimated in yourself until now. Keep looking for your virtues and write in your diary. Do this every time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone.

Having done this exercise several times, first in writing, then it will be enough orally - you will begin to notice more advantages in yourself, while others have more shortcomings and, in principle, you will get tired of comparing yourself with someone, this is an empty thing. You will just know that you are okay. You will succeed.

form an internal ban on the use of their strengths, qualities and advantages. Over time, you stop noticing them at all. You need to bring this quality back - to notice what you are superior to others. With practice, your mindset will change and the skill will develop.

You must learn to notice the weaknesses of your competitors.

Your mind and thinking must be sharpened to identify them. And develop this skill to the smallest detail. And somewhere in the background in the subconscious, your powers of observation should constantly work to identify your advantages over others.

I am sure that you have incredibly many advantages, you just do not notice them and forbid yourself to use them. And it has become a deep subconscious habit. Start changing your mindset. Find your strengths and other people's weaknesses. Allow yourself to use it for business, in order to win this competition.

Compare yourself today with yourself yesterday. This is necessary for a guide, so that you can see that you are growing, that you are advancing. Do something every day to be better than yesterday. And with these small steps you will gradually, but ironically increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. You will be surprised how fast you will move forward and up.

Exercise 15: Excessive modesty, shyness, honesty, truthfulness - or how they hide in themselves.

Many people overestimate modesty. Modesty is considered too strongly, as a benefactor, almost in the last resort. But in the current world, it is impossible to succeed with excessive modesty.

I want to warn you right away - I do not call for abandoning modesty in general. There is some benefit to it. But too much modesty is extremely harmful in modern society. I urge to refuse only "excessive modesty". And I really hope that you are smart enough to distinguish between "modesty" and "excessive modesty", because there are huge differences between them.

Excessive modesty, i.e. when there is a lot of modesty - this is nothing more than - suppression of oneself, an internal barrier, self-deception, when a flaw hiding under modesty in the form of low self-esteem and self-doubt is presented as a virtue.

A complete lack of modesty is bad, too much modesty is also bad.

There must be some golden mean, neither more nor less. And so part of the modesty you need to let go. Well, you are your own judge and are free to choose how much modesty to leave, and how much to let go - it depends on the life you want to live.

Recall situations in which you were too modest and missed something. Write them down in a notebook, then analyze each one in detail. Find the line when modesty was too much and it began to harm. Think about how you should behave differently so that you might not be missed?

Write down in a notebook, a new model of behavior. Set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you yourself have chosen.

All of the above applies to shyness, honesty, truthfulness - there should be neither too many nor too few of them. Who speaks a lot of truth is a truth-teller. Who is too honest - holier than the "Pope".

If you tell only the truth for at least 1 day and not lie, then by the evening you can become divorced, unemployed, without friends, beaten with broken bones in intensive care. Yes, I know we are taught to be too honest from the very childhood, and then such “too honest” - they cannot get along with anyone, because of their “too honesty”.

Busting with honesty, shyness, modesty - disguised self-repression, elevated to benefactors, which they are mistakenly proud of. There should be neither too many nor too few. Do an exercise with all the situations when you were too honest and shy - find an acceptable middle ground.

Exercise 16: Criticism - how to benefit and ignore bias?

A wise man was asked:
- Who was your teacher?
It's easier to answer who they were not,
the sage replied.

Everyone needs feedback and it looks like nothing but criticism. On the other hand, criticism can be unpleasant, annoying, painful, demotivating, hurts self-esteem and lowers confidence. Criticism can be helpful or useless, or it can be revealing.

The worst and most offensive criticism is its complete absence., which means that you swim too shallow and you are of no interest to anyone. It’s better to let it be non-constructive, negative, useless - anyway, at least some benefit can be extracted from it.

It follows that any criticism you receive is of HUGE value. As your self-esteem and self-confidence increase, you will be able to take harsher criticism more easily and get more out of it.

The most dangerous criticism is only positive feedback or praise. If you are not criticized negatively, then you are too authoritarian, suppress people or they are afraid of you, so they prefer to keep quiet, away from sin. Only positive feedback means that you are being deceived, possibly robbed, and you are missing something.

Criticism comes in several forms:

• Constructive criticism or feedback.

  Very valuable criticism, when useful - well contributing to the correction of errors. Available to fairly advanced people who respect you. It requires incredible efforts, life experience and wisdom to say exactly on target and without transitions to personalities and emotions. It can often take time to think about a topic and give accurate advice.

If you have found a person who can give you constructive and useful criticism, feedback - hold on to him, hands, feet, teeth, money, gifts. This is the kind of criticism that is worth and must be paid for, because it pays off with interest.

Often, the majority forgets to pay for such criticism, and this is very, very stupid - such people also need to eat something, and even they are not fed for free. If you want more such criticism, which is essentially support - pay!

If the criticism is constructive and useless, biased, it means that you are being discredited by a professional. You may be facing a serious challenge. Which reveals that big interests or money are at stake. You have grown up, you have been noticed, perhaps you are biting off someone else's piece or someone wants to bite off yours.

• emotional criticism.

  With transitions to personality, with some displacement of discontent. The most common criticism Most people have no other way to express their thoughts. You shouldn't be angry with them. Although this is the most offensive, demotivating criticism. Develop detachment.

  And it is certainly difficult to criticize without emotions for everyone - this is not taught at school, this requires a subtle mind, education, and life experience. A person who criticizes like this is touchy, full of discontent, does not quite understand what he wants to say, and he also has little experience, education, and patience.

It may be significant in this criticism that this person does not quite respect you, otherwise he would choose words. Perhaps you do not respect yourself if you allow such an attitude towards yourself.

• Unconstructive criticism.

Over which you need to think, meditate in order to figure out what the critic wants to convey. It can be useful when the critic cannot express his thoughts accurately and does not fully understand what he wants to say.
Often useless: someone wanted to be clever or pursues some other interests - it is difficult to remain silent when no one asks. Learn to completely ignore useless criticism: The dog barks, the caravan moves on.

• Biased criticism, accusations, insults.

  Very revealing situations. When you are subjected to such criticism, you are trivially deceived, discredited or want to use. You are either not there, or have seriously crossed someone's path, you have been noticed and they are trying to eliminate you by dishonest methods. Well, or you stepped on someone's tail hard and painfully.

  Oddly enough, but it can be useful. Perhaps you accidentally hooked someone to the living and the person broke through. It's pretty hard to get anything useful out of this. Rather, such criticism is indicative - in, than it is indicative - you need to figure it out yourself. If there is no benefit, feel free to ignore it 100%, as if it does not exist.

  The presence of such criticism from enemies and serious competitors means a big fat plus for you. And vice versa, the presence of praise from competitors means a big fat minus - you are missing something, making mistakes or doing it wrong.

• Trolls.

  Mostly online. You are envied. Someone takes out their dissatisfaction on you. Perhaps you have gathered the wrong audience, they have nothing to do, they have a lot of time, little money and are too lazy to think - people are having fun, stupid, mischievous.

  This is a telling criticism. Starting from some level of popularity, trolls are a must, otherwise your popularity is a myth. Completely ignore what they say, write. But watch out for the numbers - it's indicative. If there are no trolls, then you are still of little interest to anyone. Change your strategy - start doing more confident actions.

Too much negative and emotional criticism, which a person does not have time to realize and let go, can make a person neurotic by leaps and bounds, drives into apathy, depression. However, we are not taught in school or universities how to benefit from different types of criticism. It's a pity.

In fact, it means that education and upbringing does not teach how to live. This can only be taught by parents if they have such skills or in training. And first of all, it is your task to independently form the skills you need for a successful life. Remember - no one owes you anything, not even your parents.

Good feedback and soft constructive criticism - on the contrary, moves forward by leaps and bounds. Do not spare money for such criticism - pay, you will avoid many mistakes that will cost you ten times more.

There are people who are completely closed from criticism.

And therefore, for years, banging their heads into the same situations in which they periodically find themselves, like kicking on cow cakes. If a person is closed, then he is closed. To criticize such a person is to make an enemy. If you perceive criticism painfully, it seems to you that everyone bothers you - perhaps you are also closed to criticism. Do the exercise and begin to gradually open up.

It is vital for you to be able to be open and take advantage of criticism, and include detachment. Psychological armor "like in a tank", from incorrect criticism - let them beat their heads. Learn to distinguish one criticism from another. To do this, periodically analyze the situations and context of criticism in which you find yourself.

Recall now one situation when you were criticized. It is very revealing why it really hooked you? Do not think about what the person said - think about why it really hooked you, offended you? Very often, during painful criticism, I caught myself thinking that I myself also consider it horror and condemn myself for it.

I don’t change anything, I pretend that everything is in order - that’s why the criticism was so catchy. Think about what mistakes you actually made? What should you do differently to avoid such situations in the future?

For example, I had a conflict with an employee of the rank below.

Formally, I was right - in "everything for a common cause", but only formally. He spoke very badly about me and constantly created problems for me, the work was done terribly, they even almost got into a fight. After meditating on situations, I realized that I was behaving arrogantly, overly demanding, in relation to him.

Having removed my arrogance towards him, the situation “itself” was exhausted in 5 seconds. We began to understand each other from half a word and implemented a large number of cases together, which was almost impossible before. We both forgot about the situation and only after 1.5 years I accidentally remembered that we once had a conflict.

To some extent, every person who criticizes you is your teacher.

Exercise 17: Responsibility = control = result = confidence = self-esteem.

We live in a very, very difficult time. We were not prepared for this. Now several crises have coincided in time: structural economic crisis, cultural, civilizational, demographic, religious, informational and others. It's not that we weren't prepared for this - we were created all these difficulties, one way or another, on purpose or not on purpose - it doesn't matter.

But you are still stronger than external shocks and problems. You have been given a LOT of strength from within to cope with all the difficulties. There are still incredibly many opportunities to succeed even in this time of crisis. Raise your confidence and increase your self-esteem - you will see for yourself.

And it doesn't take much time. And in order for everything to become accessible to you, you need to take responsibility for your life, for the position in which you are.

You need to firmly tell yourself that you are the only one responsible for the troubles and victories that happened to you. Neither victory nor achievement was an accident. Your current position is the result of decisions you made earlier, or inaction, the result of your earlier choices. Only in some cases it led to victories, and in others to mistakes.

If you are not involved in your mistakes, then you are not involved in your victories either.

By accepting your involvement in your mistakes, you thereby unlock your inner strength. If you made a mistake, then it was you who also made the victory, and not someone or something. And this is not an accident. And, therefore, if you could win then, then you can win now and in the future!

Just keep in mind - DO NOT beat yourself up, condemn yourself for mistakes. One must accept oneself, although it can be difficult - otherwise it is not acceptance, but rejection of oneself. Acceptance is when you accepted a mistake, do not condemn yourself for it, you are not ashamed to say to yourself - yes, I made a mistake, I am, first of all, a person.

By accepting responsibility for what is happening to you, you can change. As Karen Horney, a world-famous psychologist, said: External problems are nothing if you are strong from the inside.

Take responsibility for what is happening - start doing these exercises, and your life is guaranteed to begin to improve by leaps and bounds.

Did I do all these exercises myself?

Yes, I have done them dozens of times, each. And I know many such people. And by the way, not only these - I did many times more exercises. I have painted for you only the most necessary and effective. Their lives have changed drastically.

And the period of my life, my youth, which should be the most beautiful part of life, is now remembered as a nightmare - because of all these stupid and petty mistakes. Like a headbutt against a wall. Like a lot of mistakes, a lot of noise, disappointments and few results.

With each exercise performed, life became better and better. I keep doing them - life keeps getting better. And oh, how nice! And I am sure that you can significantly improve your life with the help of these exercises! And is there anything more important than that?

Performing such an exercise means to truly appreciate yourself and your life. It means self-respect, self-care. Getting rid of these petty troubles means loving yourself, finding yourself, returning yourself - squeezing a slave out of yourself drop by drop. The unwillingness to change, to take care of your health is indicative: subconsciously (unconsciously) you do not value yourself and your life.

A person who does not do such exercises is simply deceiving himself. I hope this is clear to you. I hope it is clear to you that a nightmare life and old age awaits you if you leave all these small bad habits?

How to perform these exercises quickly and accelerate your progress? Self-confidence training.

Now it is not enough to practice the right exercises. Life is changing too fast, getting more complicated. People are overloaded with work, household chores, and there is little time left for practice, as well as strength. It is vital to achieve quick results.

1. An environment that motivates change or practice in the company of like-minded people.

“It’s bad for a person when he is alone.
Woe to one, one is not a warrior"
V. Mayakovsky.

Internal changes are easier and faster when you are in the right environment set up for the same changes as you. In such places, a chain reaction occurs when group members help and stimulate each other.

While your current environment will demotivate, discredit what you do. On the other hand, it is very difficult to admit to someone that you are working on self-esteem - only very strong people are able to understand what you mean and appreciate.

95% of people do not learn and do not want to change. I don't know how they will survive in 5-10 years and I think that the most serious problems await them. Look for like-minded people and an environment in which you can open up, and which will pull you towards changes and finding yourself.

One of the possible options for joint practice and work on oneself is my “Inner Circle” - the participants in my self-confidence trainings.

2. Meditations: Engine and fuel to move forward.

Any change needs energy. And where to get it, when all the forces go to work and life? Answer: meditation to accumulate energy. Yes, it is with meditation that the speed of changing oneself increases tenfold and the practice turns into an easy pleasant process.

Thanks to meditation, you can learn to let go of some grievances, feelings of guilt in just a few seconds, according to the principle of remembering and letting go.

Teaching meditation through an article is like learning to swim while sitting in the office. At the initial stage, meditation is practiced with a leader, and then independently.

Having mastered meditation once, you can then use it for the rest of your life. Meditation you can master at the training "Doubling self-confidence in 5 sessions"

3. Intensive start with self-confidence training.

I hope you enjoyed this article and exercises, and you received an exhaustive, understandable, constructive answer to the question: how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence?

• Do you agree that by applying at least half - your self-confidence will increase significantly?
• Do you agree that by practicing these exercises on a regular basis for another year, your self-confidence will increase significantly? Namely, 2 - 3 - 10 or more times?
• Do you agree that by doing at least part of the exercise, your life will improve significantly? Will you be less nervous, tired, make mistakes?

The only thing left is to start doing these exercises and get the result. The bad news is that by postponing it now for later, you will return back to your reality and forget in 1-2 days not only about the exercises described above, but also about the article in general.

You and your life will remain without the changes you desire. Perhaps you will not be able to achieve your goals and dreams - because you did not have enough self-confidence. In order to change something - you need to act!

And the best time to act is now. In six months or a year, you will greatly regret that you did not start doing the exercises today. Follow the link and register for the training.

This training is the best way to start improving your life. Register now and see you at the training!

Change, i.e. Only active actions - doing exercises - can improve your life. Do the exercises regularly - and then the result is guaranteed to come to you, you won't even notice it. Follow the link above, register for the training and start practicing today!

PS2

To be continued. Subscribe to my newsletter. And you will be aware of my new articles, new trainings, free classes.

• • Self-assessment functions and their role
• • "Symptoms" of low self-esteem
• • Signs of “healthy” (high) self-esteem
• • Reason #1. Family upbringing mistakes
  • Reason number 2. Frequent failures in childhood
  • Reason number 3. Lack of clear life goals and passions
  • Reason number 4. Negative social environment
  • Reason number 5. Health problems and flaws in appearance
• • Method number 1. Change the environment and try to communicate more with successful people
  • Method number 2. Attending special trainings, seminars and other events
  • Method number 3. Don't be afraid to take unusual actions
  • Method number 4. Let go of too much self-criticism
  • Method number 5. Sports and healthy lifestyle
  • Method number 6. Regular listening to affirmations
  • Method number 7. Keep a diary of personal successes and achievements
• 9. Conclusion

What is the essence and importance of the concept of "self-esteem". “The most important thing is how you see yourself.” This statement is the true truth, it is almost impossible not to agree with it.

Indeed, any victory, from the most insignificant to a brilliant triumph, is undoubtedly the result of the fact that at a certain stage of his life a person absolutely sincerely believed in himself, correctly assessed his own significance, gained firm faith in the strength of his capabilities.

In this article you will learn:

• What is self-esteem?
• How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? And how to develop it?
• Does self-esteem affect human behavior?

We will also discuss how most people evaluate themselves and how the course of their life depends on self-perception.

Boost Your Confidence - 7 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

1. What is self-esteem: definition and its impact on our lives

Self-esteem - this is the opinion of the individual about the importance and significance of his own personality relative to other people, as well as his assessment of personal qualities - shortcomings and advantages.

Undoubtedly, for the full-fledged harmonious functioning of a person in a social environment, an objective self-assessment is necessary.

Without a healthy sense of self and understanding of the value of one's own personality, a person's achievement of many life goals - success in society, career growth and advancement, sufficient self-realization, material prosperity, harmony in the family circle, spiritual well-being - becomes completely impossible. (Read also the article - and money in your life, there you will find all the popular ways to attract money)

Self-assessment functions and their role

Self-assessment performs the following functions:

• Protective- guarantees a certain independence of the individual from outside opinion;
• Regulatory- provides an opportunity to solve problems of personal preference;
• Educational- initiates an impetus to the improvement of the individual.

In the early stages of the formation of self-esteem, of course, it is of paramount importance assessment of the child's personality those around them - primarily parents, as well as educators and teachers, friends and peers.

Under ideal conditions, self-esteem should be determined only by the individual's own opinion of himself, but in society this is impossible. A person is in constant psychological interaction with other people, and, therefore, his formation as a person and the formation of his self-esteem are influenced by countless factors.

According to psychologists and experts, perfect self-esteem –it is an extremely accurate and correct assessment of a person's own abilities. This is extremely important!

After all, if self-esteem is underestimated, then it forces a person to constantly doubt the choice of a particular decision, to think for a long time, be afraid and, often, make the wrong choice. But too high self-esteem, on the contrary, leads to the fact that a person’s decisions are unjustifiably bold, sometimes even bold, do not correspond to the potential of his capabilities, and this also leads to a huge number of gross life mistakes.

Nevertheless, more often psychologists are faced with the problem of underestimating a person of his strengths and capabilities. Such a person is completely unable to reveal his potential properly, while he is absolutely unaware of where his problem lies, makes more and more mistakes due to constant self-doubt, and does not understand at all how to raise self-esteem. Due to the constant feeling of the meaninglessness of their existence, people with low self-esteem are often unsuccessful, poor, unhappy.

One of the most common pathological manifestations of low self-esteem is inferiority complex .

2. Learn to respect and love yourself - this is immensely important!

Raising self-esteem means learning to respect yourself, to love yourself, i.e. accept yourself exactly as you are, with all your flaws and vices. It is in order to understand how to gain self-confidence and develop it that we wrote this article, since confidence and self-esteem are closely intertwined.

How to become self-confident? How to develop confidence?

It has long been known that ideal people simply do not exist. We all have flaws. But a self-confident person differs from a constantly vacillating, indecisive and insecure person in that he notices not only his own shortcomings, but also remembers the merits, which every person probably also has. In addition, a self-confident person is undoubtedly able to present himself favorably in society.

If you do not love yourself, who else will take on such a responsibility? How can other people love you? There is an interesting psychological phenomenon - consciously and subconsciously people always strive for contacts and communication with self-confident persons. It is these people who are most often preferred as business partners, friends, and life partners.

If you tend to doubt yourself and blame yourself for every little thing, you yourself automatically program yourself for further failures, failures and make the decision-making process even more difficult.

Learn to finally notice your virtues, remember your achievements Don't hesitate to praise yourself once again. Forgive yourself for small failures and troubles, love and respect yourself - and soon you will notice how the attitude of others around you will change.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are very important characteristics when applying for a job. Therefore, we also recommend reading the article - when applying for a job "

"Symptoms" of low self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem often exhibits symptoms such as:

• excessive self-criticism, constant dissatisfaction with oneself;
• excessive susceptibility to criticism of other people, strong dependence on the judgments and opinions of others;
• an irresistible desire to please people, to always be something useful;
• a pronounced fear of making a mistake, slowness and a tendency to endless doubts when making a significant decision;
• inexplicable jealousy, irresistible envy of the success of others;
• hidden hostility to others;
• the mood for a permanent defensive position, the need to explain and justify the decisions made and the actions taken all the time;
• pessimism, negativism, a tendency to see oneself and everything around in gloomy tones;

A person with low self-esteem often perceives temporary difficulties and minor life failures as permanent, and makes appropriate negative and, remarkably, wrong conclusions regarding existing potential and future opportunities.

The worse we perceive ourselves, the less we respect ourselves, the more negative the attitude of the people around us towards us. And this will inevitably lead to alienation, detachment and isolation, and consequently - a tendency to depression and many other psycho-emotional disorders.

3. Self-confidence and high self-esteem is an essential factor in achieving success in life!

Some people consider selfishness to be a sin, or at least something negative that is best avoided.

But in reality, a person's lack of self-love and lack of self-respect is precisely the source of countless complexes and many internal conflicts.

If a person has a low opinion of himself, the people around him will never have a different point of view about him. And vice versa - people with sufficient self-esteem are usually highly valued by others: their opinion is always authoritative and weighty, their interests are taken into account, they are sought to cooperate, make acquaintances, build friendships or start a family.

Thus, having learned to respect ourselves, we will certainly gain the respect of others, and, in addition, we will learn to be sober about the opinions of others about us.

Signs of “healthy” (high) self-esteem

People with good self-esteem have the following positive characteristics:

• Accept, love and respect their appearance as it is. And if they look for any shortcomings, they sensibly strive to overcome them;
• They do not question their strength, they are aimed at success and future victories;
• They are not afraid to take risks, make bold decisions, are more prone to active actions than to reflection, are not afraid to make mistakes and draw appropriate conclusions, learn from them;
• Cold-bloodedly perceive the criticism of others, calmly treat compliments;
• They know how to communicate with people with high quality, are always interested in their opinion and are not afraid to express their own, do not experience shyness, insecurity and embarrassment when communicating with previously unfamiliar people;
• With due respect for the opinions of other people, but always have and, if necessary, can defend and defend their own point of view;
• Take care of the health of their body and maintain a positive emotional well-being;
• Strive for self-development, continuous self-improvement, constant acquisition of new impressions, knowledge, experience;
• They are not inclined to concentrate their attention and dwell on the negative for a long time in case of any failure or failure.

Strong self-confidence and sufficient self-respect- the same indispensable factors for achieving success in life and human happiness, as water and the sun for the growth of plants. Without them, the progress of the individual is impossible. After all, low self-esteem completely deprives a person of any prospect and even the slightest hope for the future. positive changes .

4. Factors of low self-esteem - 5 main reasons

We know an immense number of factors that directly or indirectly affect the formation of our sense of self. A small role is given to genetic characteristics and hereditary predisposition, but environmental factors still have a decisive influence to a much greater extent.

Let's analyze the five most common reasons for a person to develop low self-esteem.

Reason #1. Family upbringing mistakes

As you know, each of us comes from childhood. And, oddly enough, many of our complexes and negative blocks of our consciousness also come from there. From the upbringing of a child in childhood, his future life directly depends. After all, it is in childhood that parents form those “rules” by which a person will live in the future, those “filters” through which he will evaluate what is happening around.

Therefore, the way you raise your child today - a direct mirror image of what kind of person you will get tomorrow. Believe me, the best, most important and valuable thing that a mother and father can do for the good of their children is to teach them to love themselves, to develop in them the proper level of self-respect.

Self-esteem of the future personality begins its formation in early childhood. At an early age, a child cannot yet objectively evaluate the results of his actions and actions on his own; therefore, the main source for the formation of his opinion about himself is the immediate environment, i.e. most often parents.

For a small child, parents are his whole world. If the parents are kind enough to him, his subconscious will form the installation " good world”, - a small person will be positively tuned.

If parents in childhood never encourage their children, but on the contrary, scold, constantly reproach and punish, the child simply will not have any foundation for developing self-love - the soil on which confidence in his abilities could form will be destroyed. We in no way call for connivance, but if you wish the best for your children, learn to notice not only their mistakes, but also their achievements. And be sure to pay them not only your attention, but also the attention of the child. If the baby constantly hears from you: “you are clumsy, awkward, stupid, etc. - this will certainly be deposited in his children's subconscious, and will leave its negative imprint on the development of the future personality.

Under no circumstances should you constantly compare and contrast your child with other children. Every person without exception it's individuality . Comparing a child with someone, we infringe him as a person from childhood, we contribute to the development of an inferiority complex in him.

If a child hears too many prohibitions in childhood, endless " No" and " it is forbidden”, - he is already potentially doomed to an unsuccessful life, low income, few friends in the future.

To a sharp decrease in self-esteem and a breakdown in confidence in one's own abilities, words and deeds, the endless criticism of parents of any initiatives, first undertakings and actions affects. Any positive initiative in childhood should certainly be encouraged! After all, even years later, being an adult for a long time, a person who was often criticized in childhood subconsciously still continues to be afraid of the same criticism, condemnation of others, and mistakes. Parents, as well as teachers, caregivers, coaches, must know how to raise self-esteem and self-esteem for a child who suffers from indecision, doubts and uncertainty .

Best Method- praise, unobtrusive encouragement. Sometimes it is enough to praise the child several times from the heart for a correctly completed homework, a beautifully drawn drawing, a verse recited with an expression, and his self-esteem will certainly increase.

Do not forget that the center of the world for a child is his family. It is you who are the authors of the foundation of the core of the future personality. Passivity, lack of initiative, apathy, indecision, uncertainty and many other negative traits are a direct reflection of family, primarily parental, suggestions, attitudes, and incorrect models of education. As a rule, self-esteem is higher among the only children in families and among the first-born. For others, the “little brother complex” is common, which occurs when parents endlessly resort to comparing a younger child with an older one.

According to many psychologists , a family that is impeccable for laying good self-esteem - one where the mother is always calm, balanced and in a good mood, and the father is moderately demanding, fair and has undeniable authority.

Reason number 2. Frequent failures in childhood

It is not unknown that our life is changeable and multifaceted, in it success alternates with bad luck, white stripes with black ones, victories with defeats. At some point, absolutely everyone will face life challenges. turmoil, malfunctions, banal failure.

No one is immune from all this, besides, it contributes to the emergence of life experience, the development of willpower, the formation of character. But undoubtedly important is our own attitude to the experienced misfortunes. And they can injure the child especially strongly, since the strength of character in him has not yet been finally formed.

Any experienced negative event can affect the vulnerable psyche of the child in the form of a lifelong guilt complex and a decline in self-esteem.

For example Sometimes children reproach themselves for the divorce of their parents or their endless quarrels, and then the children's guilt is modified into continuous doubts and inability to make a decision.

In childhood, entirely and completely harmless, from the position of an adult, events often acquire universal proportions.

For example, having won a silver rather than a gold medal in sports, an adult athlete will take a break and continue training even more stubbornly, and a child may break down, get psychological trauma and complexes for the rest of his life, especially if parents and trainer do not show a proper understanding of the situation.

What fuels low self-esteem in childhood? Failures and mistakes, ridicule of classmates, reckless remarks of adults, especially parents, criticism of teachers. As a result, a teenager has the wrong idea that he is bad, unlucky, inferior, unlucky, doomed to negativity in advance, and an erroneous feeling of guilt arises for his thoughts, decisions, actions.

Reason number 3. Lack of clear life goals and passions

If you do not have clear goals that you would like to achieve, positive aspirations, and do not even try to change something for the better, do not make any volitional efforts, then your life will continue to be boring and bleak, gray and monotonous.

Often, people who underestimate themselves live “according to the pattern”, half-heartedly “on autopilot”. They have long been accustomed to gray tones, an inconspicuous "mouse" lifestyle, a complete lack of fresh impressions and picturesque colors - and there is absolutely no desire to get out of an established quagmire. Over time, these lethargic people stop even properly looking after their appearance, resign themselves to a small income, stop dreaming and craving for something more. Of course, self-esteem in this case is not only low, but completely absent.

Growing up, a person becomes passive and apathetic, and then he shifts all the problems and troubles to his wife (husband) when he starts a family.

There is only one conclusion: for such a person there is simply a burning need - to increase self-esteem. Otherwise, his life will continue to be painted exclusively in gloomy tones, until he himself makes tremendous efforts to change his life and, most importantly, himself.

Reason number 4. Negative social environment

Science has proven the existence of mirror neurons - unusual brain cells that tend to become activated not only during the performance of a specific action, but also when observing the performance of this action by others. Thus, gradually we become to some extent similar to those who make up our inner circle.

If there are people around you without certain aspirations and specific life goals, who are in a stable spiritual suspended animation, where will you get the craving for internal modifications.

High self-esteem and healthy ambitions are possible only where there are role models. If people around you boring, passive, lack of initiative, got used to the gray and inconspicuous life "in the shadows", then it is quite likely that such an existence will absolutely suit you.

If you notice that everyone around you endlessly complains about life, constantly gossip, condemn others or slander, you need to try cross off these people from the inner circle by all available means. After all, in fact, they can be an obstacle to improving your creative potential and achieving your success.

Reason number 5. Health problems and flaws in appearance

Low self-esteem is often characteristic of children and adolescents with defects in appearance or congenital diseases.

Even if parents behave correctly, carefully and tactfully in relation to a child who has health problems, then peers will probably still leave a negative mark on his sense of self.

Common situation- overweight children, who are often made fun of in the children's team, give them various nicknames, often offensive. In this case, catastrophically low self-esteem cannot be avoided if the necessary measures are not taken in a timely manner.

Of course, it is worth trying, if possible, to eliminate the existing imperfections. If this is not realistic, try to develop in a person other necessary qualities that would help him become more resilient, strong, charismatic, funny, capable and self-confident.

The world knows a lot of examples where people with irreparable physical disabilities and incurable diseases have achieved tremendous success, universal recognition, got good families and live the happiest life that many have not seen even in their dreams. (To list a few of them: Carrie Brown, Nick Vujicic, Jessica Long, etc.)

5. How to increase self-esteem and confidence - 7 ways to increase self-esteem

Let's learn to raise self-esteem, develop self-confidence and start loving ourselves! Fortunately, there are a lot of ways to awaken faith in one's own strengths, but now let's dwell on seven of them, in our opinion, quite reliable and effective.

Method number 1. Change the environment and try to communicate more with successful people

If you drastically change your social circle and start contacting purposeful, successful, self-confident people, your life is guaranteed to change for the better very quickly.

Little by little you will regain your sense of self. dignity, self-respect, determination, courage, self-love, i.e. all those personal qualities, without which it is impossible achieving success in life .

Associating with prosperous and successful people, you will begin to appreciate your own individuality, you will become more careful in using your personal time, you will certainly find a life purpose, and you will certainly achieve success on your own.

Method number 2. Attending special trainings, seminars and other events

In any city, various events, specialized trainings and seminars are held for everyone, where psychologists help people become more self-confident and raise self-esteem.

Good specialists with experience in such work in the shortest possible time will be able to turn a timid, clumsy, indecisive person into a strong, strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person. The main thing- have a sincere desire and tune in to the upcoming positive changes.

If you still do not want to resort to outside help, but are determined to deal with the problem on your own, you should read the following literature:

• Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
• Andelin Helen "The Charm of the Feminine"
• etc. (there is a lot of similar literature on the Internet)

Method number 3. Don't be afraid to take unusual actions

It is human nature to run away from problems and hide in the zone of habitual own comfort. This is quite understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to calm yourself by eating a mountain of sweets, a lot of alcohol, or just sit at home in an armchair and feel sorry for yourself, savoring your own impotence. It is many times more difficult to adequately accept the challenge and accomplish something absolutely not characteristic of you before.

At first it will seem to you that outside the comfort zone is an unusual, hostile, alien and unfriendly world, but then you will understand that real life, full of bright colors , unforgettable adventures and positive emotions, is located just where you have not been yet.

The constant presence in familiar conditions resembles life in a kind of invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave only because you are used to it and do not know what awaits you outside it.

When you manage to leave "comfort zone" and at the same time remain calm, collected and balanced, you will receive a strong incentive to increase self-esteem and create a new, more attractive image.

No one is asking you to start with global change. For starters, for example, instead of returning from work to watch a long boring boring series, visit the gym or visit old friends.

Set a goal- to learn an unfamiliar language in six months or to meet a pretty girl this evening. Don't be afraid of mistakes! If for the first time everything doesn’t turn out smoothly and perfectly, you are guaranteed a lot of new impressions and an increase in self-esteem.

Method number 4. Let go of too much self-criticism

Stop finally engaging in self-flagellation, focusing on the negative, blaming yourself for mistakes made inadvertently, not an ideal appearance, another failure in your personal life. You will immediately feel much better!

You will not waste a lot of energy on self-criticism, and you will certainly find time and energy for other, more creative, necessary and worthy tasks.

Remember: whatever you are, you are the only unsurpassed, inimitable and unique person on this vast planet. Why endlessly compare yourself to others? Try to focus better on achieving the necessary goals, reconsider your potential and your personal idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhappiness.

Open your eyes to the positive qualities of your personality. Find your strengths and constantly work to improve them.

Finally, from any failures of the past, experienced disappointments and mistakes once made, one can withdraw an invaluable benefit, the name of which is worldly wisdom and life experience.

Method number 5. Sports and healthy lifestyle

It is known that one of the simplest and most effective methods to increase self-esteem is to actively engage in sports, dance, physical education or other activities focused on improving health and self-esteem. It is no secret that a healthy body has always been known as a receptacle for a healthy spirit and pure thoughts.

Going in for sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and automatically respect himself more. Moreover, improving self-esteem does not at all depend on the results of training: even if the changes are minimal, the activity itself, the process of training, is important.

The more energetic your workouts, the more you will begin to appreciate yourself. The presented phenomenon has an explanation from the point of view of biochemistry: during intensive sports, special substances are produced in the human body - dopamines- so-called. happy hormones.

Method number 6. Regular listening to affirmations

affirmation - this is a short verbal formula, which, with frequent repetition, forms a positive attitude in the human subconscious.

It is this attitude that further leads to the transformation of character traits and personality traits for the better. Now affirmations are considered by psychologists as one of the most effective ways of reprogramming a person's consciousness.

These verbal formulas are always voiced as a fact that has already come true, which makes a person perceive them as something inevitable, something that will inevitably happen in any case.

If our own subconscious considers us strong, successful, and purposeful, then little by little we really will definitely become such.

Main condition when using the linguistic miracle formula - strict regularity.

Method number 7. Keep a diary of personal successes and achievements

Sometimes a diary of your own victories and achievements you have created can help raise your self-esteem. This method is especially popular among women.

Be sure to get such a diary and enter data on everything that you have achieved for day, week, month. This is truly a powerful tool that will make you believe in yourself and boost your self-esteem.

Let every day his records be replenished with information about your victories, even very insignificant ones! And don't forget to read it regularly.

Use these methods regularly and then your self-esteem will be quite normal, your life will begin to improve, material problems will move to another level. By the way, do not forget to read: "", because without these recommendations it is impossible to gain financial independence.

6. Fight against dependence on public opinion

If you attach too much importance to the opinions of others, you are potentially dooming yourself to failure.

Of course, really kind, objective and constructive criticism, pointing out your specific mistakes and getting from reliable people who can actually be trusted, is very helpful and will help you develop and constantly improve. But excessive dependence on other people's views - this is a huge mistake.

Value your own opinion, have your own point of view, do only what you think is necessary, and not someone else. Do not attach colossal importance to other people's words! No one but you knows your true desires, goals, needs and cannot judge what is good for you and what is not. If you want to do something new and different, the question “what will people say to this” should never stop you.

Don't be afraid to pursue your dream and don't dwell on the consequences.

7. How to learn to manage your self-esteem and find yourself - 5 useful tips

Here are five important tips to help you manage your self-esteem:

1. Don't compare yourself to other people It's completely useless and stupid. It makes sense to compare only “myself in the past” and “myself now”, and in this case, you need to focus only on positive changes;
2. Don't criticize yourself tirelessly, better remind yourself of a list of your positive qualities, achievements and victories (even the tiniest ones);
3. Hang out with fun, positive people;
4. Do more of what you enjoy;
5. Think less! Do more!

Never forget that you are a most interesting outstanding person with a grandiose potential of unlimited possibilities. And only the development of good self-esteem is a reliable way to bring out your many abilities and talents to the fullest.

8. Self-esteem test - determine your level of attitude towards yourself

Answer the questions "yes" or "no" and then count the number of positive and negative answers.

1. *Do you often berate yourself for past mistakes?
2. * Do you like to gossip with friends, discuss your mutual acquaintances?
3. * Do you have any goals and clear plans for your future life?
4. * Are you into sports?
5. * Do you often worry and worry about trifles?
6. *When you're in a new company, don't you like to be "in the spotlight"?
7. *When meeting a person of the opposite sex, do you find it difficult to maintain a conversation?
8. *Does someone else's criticism upset you?
9. * Do you tend to envy the success of others?
10. * Are you easily hurt, offended by a careless word?

So, if you have:
From 1st to 3rd affirmative answers, - our congratulations, you have good , "healthy" self-esteem.
More than 3"yes" answers: your self-esteem underestimated. Work on it for sure.

9. Conclusion

Now you know that believing in your strengths, not being afraid to take risks, not attaching importance to criticism of the environment and soberly assessing your own talents is entirely possible and not at all difficult. The main thing- a sincere, genuine desire to change and a willingness to work on oneself.

You can believe in anything, hope for a miracle, God's help, good luck or a happy accident, but never forget that the most important thing is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!

Realizing this, you, without any exaggeration, can radically change your whole life.

A fluttering gait, a proudly raised head, a chiseled posture, eyes that radiate confidence and charisma: these qualities are inherent in women who have been able to become self-confident and increase their self-esteem.

To become a successful person, to have many fans and friends, it is important to work on yourself, constantly strive for the best. And for this it is necessary to cultivate in oneself the qualities of absolute confidence and firm convictions.

What influences self-esteem in a woman's life?

According to psychologists, problems with self-esteem can affect all areas of a woman's life:

• success in the professional field;
• communication with friends, colleagues and relatives;
• well-being of family life;
• physical and psychological health.

How to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem? Psychological advice will help

Statistics show that the fair sex is more prone to low self-esteem than men. The interesting thing is that almost every woman knows if she has problems in this matter or not.

Test to determine the level of attitude towards yourself

Psychological tests help pinpoint whether a person has self-esteem issues.

If it turns out that self-esteem is underestimated, then it is necessary to carry out work to improve the personality.

The test below will give an accurate definition of the level of attitude towards yourself. You must honestly answer all questions and immediately count the points scored. At the end of the test, all scores are added up. The resulting figure will show what level the survey participant belongs to.

Test: Determination of the level of self-esteem

Do you often think that you shouldn't have done or said something?

1. Yes, often - 1 point;
2. No, not often - 3 points.

When communicating with a witty and excellent interlocutor, you:

1. Do everything to surpass him in wit - 5 points;
2. You do not want to participate in such a competition, thereby showing the superiority of the interlocutor -1 point.

Which opinion suits you best?

1. No luck, anything can be achieved only by hard work - 5 points;
2. Success comes only by a happy coincidence - 1 point;
3. In difficult situations, luck and perseverance will not help. Real help comes from a person who can comfort and encourage - 3 points.

How will you feel when you see your funny caricature?

1. Laugh heartily, paying attention to the good resemblance - 3 points;
2. You will be upset, but don’t give a look - 1 point;
3. Start joking with the interlocutor in response - 4 points.

Do you often do work alone that should be done by several people?

1. Yes - 1 point;
2. No - 5 points;
3. I don't know 3 points.

What perfume will you choose as a gift for a friend?

1. Those that you like - 5 points;
2. Those that you do not like, but, in your opinion, your friend will like - 3 points;
3. Those who have recently seen in the commercial - 1 point.

Do you often imagine situations in which you behave in a way that you would never behave in real life?

1. Yes - 1 point;
2. No - 5 points;
3. I don't know 3 points.

Your young work colleague has achieved better results in the service than you. Will it upset you?

1. Yes - 1 point;
2. No - 5 points;
3. Not very - 3 points.

Do you find pleasure in arguing with someone?

1. Yes - 5 points;
2. No - 1 point;
3. I don't know - points.

Close your eyes and try to imagine any of the colors. You submitted:

1. Blue, blue, white - 1 point;
2. Green, yellow - 3 points;
3. Black, red - 5 points.

How to read test results

• If the score is between 38 and 50 then your self-esteem is too high. You are a confident and satisfied person. Both in social circles and in everyday life, you often emphasize your “I”, put your personal opinion above others and try to dominate your interlocutors. Criticism of others is your usual thing, but you don't care what they think of you. "I don't love others, but I love myself." The closer your number is to 50, the more this phrase fits you. Inflated self-esteem prevents you from accepting criticism.
• If the score is between 24 and 37, then your self-esteem is adequate. You completely trust yourself, and your life is filled with agreement with yourself. You can always find a way out of difficult situations. You are usually satisfied with yourself and the people around you. You can always be a support for your loved ones and colleagues.
• If the score is between 10 and 23 your self-esteem is low. You are not at all happy with yourself. Your intellect, appearance, achievements, abilities, age and even gender provoke dissatisfaction and doubts in you. It is difficult for you to succeed at work and the opinions of others seriously affect your life.

Any woman, having understood that she belongs to the third group, must do everything to become self-confident. To improve self-esteem, you need to understand the reasons that led to this.

Causes of low self-esteem and how to eliminate them

There are many reasons that will lead to a decrease in self-esteem. Among the most common are the following:

• improper upbringing in childhood;
• frequent failures in childhood;
• no specific goals in life;
• unhealthy surrounding society;
• various diseases and defects of appearance.

It is necessary to analyze each cause in more detail in order to find a way to eliminate it. Only by getting rid of them, you can come to the result.

Improper upbringing in the family

The bulk of psychological defects originate in early childhood. Poor self-esteem is no exception. Unnecessarily high demands of parents, reproaches, criticism, lack of affection and praise lead to it. If a child gets used to such an attitude, then in the future he will already behave as if he deserved it.

Frequent failures in childhood

If parents do not support their child, in case of his failures, then their child's attitude towards themselves will only worsen. The excessive demands of the father and mother usually lead to the fact that the child begins to evaluate himself according to adult criteria. This leads to loss of self-satisfaction and self-disappointment.

A significant role in this issue is played by the attitude of peers, who tend to make outcasts out of losers. This contributes to the loss of self-confidence and negatively affects self-esteem.

Lack of goals in life

In the absence of clear and realistic goals, both a child and an adult can become a person with a negative attitude towards themselves. If a person ceases to set himself tasks, his life loses colors. These people usually do not want to pay attention to their appearance, do not want to change something, stop dreaming, and as a result, the level of self-esteem decreases.

Unhealthy social environment

The social circle plays a significant role in the formation of self-esteem, both in adults and in children. A healthy attitude towards oneself is formed where there is a good example to follow. But if you have uninitiated friends who constantly complain about life, criticize others and do not want to change anything in their lives, self-esteem will only worsen.

In such cases, it is necessary to radically change the circle of communication and get closer to people who strive for success, try to make their dreams come true, know how to overcome difficulties and constantly improve themselves.

Defects in appearance and health

In the case of defects in appearance and with certain health problems, many children develop poor self-esteem. Such a child usually feels different from others. Often the situation is aggravated by the ruthless ridicule and bullying of peers.

In such cases, improving self-esteem will help eliminate these shortcomings. If this is not possible, it is necessary to develop qualities in yourself that will help you become self-confident, more developed and attractive to others.

Techniques to increase self-esteem and self-confidence

The following are methods that will help every woman become more confident and increase her self-esteem. This work can take only a few months - this is the assertion of psychologists. The main thing is to have the desire and desire for results.

Yes, a woman needs confidence that she deserves the best - self-respect, love and respect from others, personal growth, success in life. It is important to develop this confidence in yourself, and there are proven methods for this. Take action!

Stop criticizing yourself

There are no perfect people, and you are no exception. But you can’t constantly criticize yourself for your shortcomings. Self-criticism is a useful quality, but within reasonable limits.

To overcome a negative attitude towards yourself, psychologists advise you to make a detailed list of your strengths and periodically re-read it. Stop criticizing yourself, learn to praise yourself. A self-confident person is distinguished not by the absence of shortcomings, but by the ability to ignore them.

Learn to accept praise

The ability to accept praise is an essential quality of a confident woman. Excessive modesty is just as harmful as its lack. A compliment received with dignity and gratitude is pleasing to both parties.

stop making excuses

There will definitely be someone who doesn't like something in your life. There are two possible scenarios here. If you're wrong—for example, your boss is unhappy with a poor-quality project—don't look for excuses. Admit and correct the mistake. The ability to admit one's wrong is a sign of a strong person who is able to answer for his actions.

But you don't have to try to please everyone around you. For example, if someone doesn't like the way you dress, you don't have to make excuses. It's your life and it's up to you to decide whose opinion matters to you.

Learn to ask for help

The ability to ask for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. A weak person does not ask for help because of fear of rejection, fear of being in debt, false shame and other fears. A self-confident woman is not afraid to ask, calmly endures the refusal and thanks for the help with a sincere smile.

Start small - ask to hold the door, bring a heavy bag, explain some nuance. Even if you hear "no", this is not a disaster, but a new experience that will make you stronger. Feel free to ask for help. And help yourself.

Bring your business to an end

You cannot succeed if you give up after the first difficulties. Unfinished business and unrealized plans significantly reduce self-esteem. Successfully overcoming difficulties is a great way to increase it.

A few rules to help you with this:

• consider motivation. Morning exercises - a slender figure, a completed project - a bonus received, etc.;
• don't try to do everything at once. For example, learn a new language for 20 minutes, but every day. The main thing is to start taking action;
• find like-minded people. Or an example to follow;
• Don't forget to praise yourself - even for small successes.

Learn to love your body

In modern society, appearance plays a significant role. But you don't have to have a perfect body to be successful in life. There are enough examples of successful charismatic people on the Internet, whose appearance is far from perfect.

Accept and love yourself - you are unique. The state of harmony will give you confidence - and this will certainly affect the attitude of others.

Lead a healthy lifestyle, exercise

A healthy lifestyle and regular exercise are essential for a woman deciding how to become self-confident and increase her self-esteem. It has been scientifically proven that physical activity stimulates the production of dopamine - the “hormone of joy”. A healthy lifestyle and sports improve the quality of life, improve health, improve appearance, and positively affect the state of the nervous system.

Take care of your appearance

A self-confident woman is distinguished by grooming. She loves herself and takes care of herself. Going to a beauty salon is a great remedy for depression. Get an elegant haircut, update your wardrobe. Consider it an investment in your successful future.

Hang out with optimists and successful people

If there are people in your environment who live by inertia, then they will ridicule all your ambitions. Limit such contacts to a minimum.

Look for successful, active and inspired people, like-minded people. Where? In the gym, at exhibitions, seminars, trainings, online. Purposeful, confident, strong people will serve as an excellent motivation for personal growth.

Learn to get out of your "comfort zone"

The "comfort zone" is a place not so much comfortable as familiar. For example, the usual nightly watching TV shows on the couch. In the "comfort zone" it is stuffy and cramped, but familiar and safe.

Break the comfortable stereotype. Start small - return home on an unusual path. Instead of lying on the couch, go to the pool, go to the theater, sign up for courses. New sensations, knowledge, acquaintances are a powerful incentive for the formation of self-confidence.

Read positive literature

Once you decide to make your life more positive, shield it from negative experiences whenever possible. Do not read news full of negativity. Yes, and serious, but too realistic literature should be avoided.

Now it is quite possible to treat yourself to “fairy tales for adults” - novels with a good ending, humorous detective stories, etc. It will be very useful to read specialized literature on the education of self-esteem.

Find your dream job

Changing jobs is a very serious step, which can be decided only after preparation. First, give yourself a break - say, a week of vacation. And only by dropping the accumulated negativity, you can make a decision. Maybe you like the work, but not a very close-knit team? Or did you not get along with your superiors? Then submit your resume and look for the same vacancy, but in different conditions.

And if you realize that you are doing something wrong? Again, don't rush. Decide what you like and get started. Attend courses, study literature, meet specialists. And life will definitely give you a chance.

live desires

Do you want to fly on a hang glider? Look for information, experts - and it is quite possible to spend your next vacation in the sky.

Don't be jealous of other people's success

You should not compare your life with someone else's. Glossy life, which is so easy to observe on social networks, can be a beautiful package that hides a pile of problems. Someone else's success should not frighten or cause envy, but inspire and teach. Do not compare yourself with someone else, compare yourself - yesterday and today.

discard laziness

Water does not flow under a lying stone - this saying is still relevant today. A confident woman will not let laziness ruin her life. If you want to achieve something - act. There are many ways to deal with laziness: break things down into parts, accompany work with music, come up with rewards, and so on. Choose your way and implement it.

To understand how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem, you should take the help of professional psychologists. Special techniques, trainings, and exercises have been developed to solve these problems.

Use your positive qualities

Make a list of your positive qualities and analyze them. Realize how much potential you have. Consider how you can use these qualities in your daily life. Work on their development.

listen to affirmations

Affirmations are a brief statement of your desires as a fact that has come true. This is an effective form of self-hypnosis, subconscious programming, carried out by concentrated repeated repetition of verbal phrases.

Affirmations should be formulated very carefully, laying in them the quintessence of your desires, so that their repetition forms the desired setting.

You can repeat them or listen to the recording. Examples of wording: “I am self-confident”, “I love and I am loved”, “I am talented and successful”.

Diary of successes and achievements

A diary is an effective tool. Every day you need to record all your achievements, regardless of their scale. Keeping such records and their subsequent analysis is a good incentive for a woman, helping to become self-confident and increase self-esteem.

Practical exercises

Meditation

You should meditate in a calm environment, without external stimuli. Get into a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths in and out to focus. Now, with each exhalation, get rid of negative impressions.

Visualize negativity and imagine how it dissolves, giving way to calmness and optimism. Having tuned in a positive way, imagine yourself the way you would like to see. Take your time, carefully draw the image.

Movement, intonation, facial expressions, posture - work out every detail. Try to convey love and support to the created image.

This exercise takes 10-15 minutes. You can do it in the morning or in the evening, without haste. Regular meditation will gradually fix this ideal in the mind, transferring its features to the real image.

Autotraining

Auto-training can be effectively used to calm down in a stressful situation, tune in to solving a difficult task, gain self-confidence. For this, the appropriate affirmations are spoken aloud or to oneself.

For maximum efficiency, auto-training is best done in a calm environment, completely relaxed, saying affirmations aloud for 10-15 minutes. But this technique can also help in the workplace: even in crowded places, you can calm down by simply closing your eyes and repeating affirmations to yourself several times.

Psychological trainings

They are aimed at adapting to society, or rather, at developing immunity to public opinion. Of course, the opinions of others must be taken into account, but it should not completely subordinate your personality.

This requires inner strength, self-confidence, self-worth. Here are three easy workouts:

1. Learn not to be afraid of the public and even manage it. And for this, do not hesitate to speak in front of a large audience. Use all the possibilities: a song with a guitar by the fire, a joke in the company, a report at work, a product presentation to customers. Gradually, you will get rid of complexes, feel confident, learn to own the audience - an excellent quality for career growth.
2. "Double". This is where imagination is needed. If you don’t feel comfortable in public and you can’t overcome this complex, imagine yourself in the role of your favorite “star”, for whom communication is an everyday reality. Carry yourself with the same effortless freedom. Maybe not right away, but it will work. And over time, a double will not be needed.
3. Confidence no matter what. This training requires props. Add a ridiculous detail to your look (old-fashioned glasses, curlers, a defiant jacket) and go outside. Go shopping, socialize, walk around with a completely unflappable air. This is a powerful tool, so start with small details.

10 books that will tell you how to raise self-esteem

Books can tell you how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem.

1. Louise Hay "Heal Your Life";
2. Larisa Parfentyeva "100 ways to change your life";
3. Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
4. Dale Carnegie How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
5. Dale Carnegie How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public;
6. Vladimir Levy "The Art of Being Yourself";
7. Sergey Mamontov "Believe in yourself. Self-confidence training";
8. Helen Andelin "The Charm of Femininity";
9. Rafael Santandreu "How not to turn your life into a nightmare";
10. Sharon Wegshida-Kroes “How much are you worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself.

Movies for motivation and self-confidence

Cinematography has addressed the theme of a strong woman more than once.

1. The Devil Wears Prada, USA 2006;
2. "Eat, Pray, Love", USA 2010;
3. "Another Boleyn Girl", UK 2008;
4. "The Barber of Siberia", Russia, Italy 1998;
5. "Moscow does not believe in tears", USSR 1979.

How to become confident in communicating with a man?

A confident woman attracts men. She knows how to communicate without being afraid to express her point of view, which makes her an interesting conversationalist. Like all strong people, she knows how to give in, not considering it a sign of weakness. She knows how to emphasize her strengths, and leaves her weaknesses in the shade. She knows how, if necessary, to insist on her own, but at the same time she will be able not to offend her partner.

A confident woman always knows her worth. She will not tolerate the unacceptable behavior of a man, and will be able to say this delicately, but firmly. She will not grumble about anything, but will clearly articulate her dissatisfaction, remaining polite. Even in a difficult situation, she will be able to remain calm.

Perhaps not everything works out as planned. Do not despair, Develop confidence in your abilities, and everything will definitely work out!

How to gain confidence after a breakup or divorce?

This is a difficult period even for strong women. To survive it with the least loss will help:

• close people. It is desirable that during this period they are nearby, able to listen and support;
• hobby. It will help you relax;
• new impressions. Walk, go to exhibitions, to the cinema - new impressions will gradually replace the bitterness of the past;
• travels. It's great if it's possible. The sharper the change of scenery, the better.

Parting with a man is not a reason for disappointment in yourself. Your life goes on.

How to become a confident mom?

The birth of a child changes life drastically and forever. What can be advised:

• do not lose calm and confidence, despite the lack of experience. You will quickly learn how to care for a baby, your experience will grow with the child, and soon you will be able to give advice yourself;
• gratefully accept the advice and help of the older generation, but the final word in the process of education remains with you;
• don't forget about yourself. Involve your husband and other close people and find time for yourself - go to the hairdresser, take a bath, get enough sleep;
• value communication with the child. Rejoice in his smiles, first teeth and steps, and discover this wonderful world with him.

The life of a modern woman is varied and rich. To become self-confident and succeed, it is enough to believe in yourself, in your strengths, and start acting.

The successes achieved will increase your self-esteem, strengthen your self-confidence - and inspire you to new achievements. After all, you really deserve it!

Video on how to change life for the better, become more confident and successful

Tips from psychologists: How to become more confident in yourself:

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem:

How to become more attractive:

The only way to realize who you are is to find what suits you.

Talking about relationship problems reduces the fear of abandonment.

You are always trying to guess what the norm is. It is important for people with low self-esteem to know and understand that the concept of "normality" does not exist. It is more effective to ask yourself the question: what is really important to you? What is important to your family? The challenge isn't to guess what's normal for you, but to figure out what works best for you and your loved ones.

The first step in overcoming any bad habit is to recognize it. Just watch yourself. Instead of engaging in self-judgment, try to get to know yourself by analyzing how you behave. When a person begins to look at himself honestly and without judgment, can separate himself from his behavior, he is able to change, develop and grow.

Feelings can't be right or wrong, they just are. If we consider our feeling wrong, then guilt is added to it, and this makes the situation even worse. The anger you feel is real. If you decide that it is wrong to feel angry and that you should be compassionate instead, it will not help you. You cannot substitute one feeling for another.

It is impossible to completely overcome the feeling of loneliness, but there are ways to reduce it. First of all, you need to take the risk of opening up to others. The best way to get what you need is to start doing it yourself. If you want to be loved, first offer your love to other people. This is a risk - to be misunderstood, abandoned. But by avoiding risk, you doom yourself to loneliness. If you decide to take a risk, you have the opportunity to change. It's not enough to try once. Make a promise to yourself that every day you will have a little bit of communication with other people.

There is a good group exercise that shows that self-criticism is always very subjective. Participants sit in a circle, the task is to free themselves, in whole or in part, from those qualities that they no longer want to possess.

If someone likes the rejected qualities, he or she can appropriate them. Usually one participant says that he wants to get rid of his procrastination, and this quality does not have time to reach the center of the circle, as the other already says that he would like to take it, because, on the contrary, he is hyperactive. Someone else says, “I want to get rid of my guilt,” and immediately gets the answer: “I need some of your guilt. I feel too selfish."

This exercise demonstrates that our traits need to be studied. To what extent are they useful to us? How much do they interfere? Obviously, judging yourself and your shortcomings is not helpful. When you choose to be yourself, you get a lot more options.

An overreaction to a minor event—for example, friends canceling a meeting at the last minute—usually has to do with our past. Something similar has happened before - once or many times, usually in childhood. The first thing you should do is to clearly define when you start to overreact. How appropriate is your response to the circumstances? Is it worth it to react so sharply?

If these questions make you feel defensive, then you are indeed overreacting to the situation. The first step towards overcoming such reactions is to recognize their essence and understand what in your past caused them.

Another way is to consciously change your habits. Ask yourself how attached you are to your usual plans. Can you go home another way? Or go to the store on Wednesday instead of Thursday as usual? Can you change your plans without disorienting yourself? This is your chance to become more flexible. Flexibility in one area makes it possible to develop flexibility in other areas.

Analyze what kind of people are present in your life and what is the essence of your relationship with them. Do you receive from others as much as you give to them? To what extent are these people stronger or weaker than you? Perhaps if you objectively evaluate your environment, you will see that you give people more than you receive from them. Then you will have to change your social circle and maintain relationships only with those people who are capable of symmetrical relationships.

Perhaps this is because you yourself do not allow others to do something for you. You consider yourself strong enough to take care of yourself, but you should allow other people to participate in your life.

If you say to yourself day after day, “Why am I staying with this person? Why can't I give it all up?" - It is worth analyzing your relationships. People who do not deserve our loyalty are often very critical of us. They often talk about what is wrong with us. Be careful when you hear this - who is the person really talking about? Do these statements really apply to you, or is this person projecting their own shortcomings onto you?

Pain, sadness or anger can only belong to the one who experiences it. These feelings should not become yours, you can only show empathy and compassion. You may have been dragged into an unhealthy relationship by playing on guilt. If you are easily manipulated based on this feeling, you start to think that you owe the other person something. “He was kind to me. He took care of me." Feeling guilty or indebted for these reasons is wrong. You don't owe people anything for supporting you. You are self-worth. If you feel responsible for being supported, you are saying, "I'm worthless."

You will gain self-confidence if you can solve the tasks that you have set for yourself. Tasks can be simple or complex, but you need to be sure that they are achievable. Not always everything works out. If something worked out - it's great and did not happen by chance, you deserve your success. Reward yourself for completed tasks. Always remember the things that you are good at. Don't ignore them. Use them as a foundation to become a whole person. If you didn’t succeed, you need to get out of this situation and try something new. It shouldn't devastate you.

about the author

Janet Voititz(1939-1994) was the first in the 80s to study the problems of children and relatives of alcoholics. The impetus was her husband's alcoholism. Woititz found that children of alcoholics and children who grew up in single-parent families, as well as families where one or both parents suffered from addictions and phobias, as a rule, grow up with low self-esteem and experience great difficulties in communicating with other people. Her book, Adult Children of Alcoholics, became a bestseller and helped launch a movement that has grown worldwide.

Raising self-esteem

How to raise self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know how to act?

Hello dear reader! In this article I will give the first recommendations on how to raise self-esteem. In other articles on the site you will find even more information on this topic.

What is self-esteem and how important it is for a person - it’s not worth saying, this is already clear. And what do you need to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent of external factors, in particular, people.

Firstly, a real desire (not just a "wishlist", but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do something worthwhile in life.

It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach, you can make it faster but that doesn't mean fast.

Although there is a quick way. It " miracle", which can happen to you, or which you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then already to form yourself, your views and your self-esteem anew, unless the memory returns to you again.

Honestly, I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. miracle". In addition, self-esteem is not so difficult to change, there are much more difficult things in life, for example, finding and achieving your goal.

How to raise our self-esteem? How to become more confident?

The first thing is important to keep in mind.

Self-esteem may change not only during life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood at the moment. I think many of you noticed behind you - how until recently you felt good and confident, it seemed to you that you can do everything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone said something to you), you were upset, and immediately manifested inner emptiness or even depression.

And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not of an acute (painful) nature, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their opinion.

Many are sure that you can always be on top, you can always be stably confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you can't always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!

We have different periods: moments of decline and recovery, sadness and joy, calm and excitement; only in some it happens less frequently, in others it happens more often and in sharp, sharp jumps.

Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any moment, for example, when your plan didn’t work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances for yourself, this is a reality that makes no sense to resist.

Causes of tension, weakness and a constant drop in self-esteem

When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not feel like that internally, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he drives himself into the framework and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, as he believes, one should strive to maintain his status, and he simply cannot relax.

And if suddenly something doesn’t turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if he, in his opinion, shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then voluntarily or involuntarily gets upset, angry and criticizes himself. This takes a lot of energy, his vitality and immediately reduces self-esteem.

Therefore, for starters, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem, this is normal, just today was not your day. We all have days that we don't want to remember.

And it’s important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), at your best, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you can experience not the best mood and allow yourself to be insecure.

This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.

Fact and awareness of this already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in action.

There is another very important point, similar to what is written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, "hit" or about you, maybe they forgot (ignored), treated you disrespectfully - and you expected something else and for this reason experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem dropped , besides, you might think that it is you who are to blame, you are somehow not like that - do not engage in self-digging and destructive analysis.

The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is so, then you will not achieve anything good, except for pain, by self-digging.

What's happening? Self-esteem has fallen, you are upset and, against the background of this bad mood, you are trying to understand why it happened, what you did or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem due to such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more. Think about it, this happens a lot.

In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is just a seeming impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.

Here you just need to internally completely reconcile with what happened, leave all introspection and boldly move on.

And one of the main reasons why, in principle, you should never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging - this does not reinforce your confidence in any way, but, on the contrary, only aggravates your situation and general condition. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.

As for the experience that is important to draw from situations, this should be done calm cold introspection, without criticizing, scolding yourself and leaving an imprint of your entire past.

Such introspection is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation with a sober look. After all, only with a cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm environment, you can draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.

It's even better to do it on paper. So the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (more clearly) what is important to you and what is just harmful nonsense.

From the whole analysis, only the very essence is taken, that is, a piece of real experience, a short (laconic) conclusion without any anger and criticism in your address, you find and extract a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real introspection and useful, constructive, light criticism.

Many condemn themselves so ruthlessly that there is no way to come to inner peace, confidence and self-love. But is it possible through violence and guilt to come to spiritual harmony? How to raise self-esteem here? Think for yourself.

And yet, I know very well how it pulls, despite all the warnings, to continue introspection and introspection while remaining emotionally shattered, because I want to quickly find a logical solution to calm myself, but very often, this does not give anything good, just keep in mind.

Conclusion:

Never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging;

Do introspection when you are calm and better on paper;

Temporary insecurity and a decline in self-esteem is normal, it happens to everyone, just take it easy.

Self-Esteem and the Influence of People

It is always important to remember that no evaluations of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can cause something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of the water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. Whatever anyone tells you, learn to treat it detachedly, without unnecessary emotions.

If you did or said something wrong and you think that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on it, you have already done it, and there is nothing to return. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks of you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.

Exactly what we ourselves think about yourself, the most important thing , therefore, self-esteem is called self-esteem, and not mom-evaluation, dad-evaluation, colleagues-evaluation, etc., let the rest think what they want, it is their legal right and their problems to think about something there.

By the way, most people themselves are obsessed with what others think of them - how they look, how they are looked at, how they are treated, they think about controlling their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in fact, they do not really care to you, so worry less.

1) Your thoughts and words to yourself

Talk to yourself, your thoughts - your friends, your thoughts should to help you to act, not harm. And I only mean sound thoughts, and not everything that can come to mind.

We cannot believe everything that we consciously and unconsciously think about. Some of our thoughts depend on many circumstances: on mood, general tone and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and are useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.

The way you talk to yourself is very important.

Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself like a friend(do not be afraid, this is a non-excuse :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is first and foremost attitude towards oneself. Treating yourself well no matter what you do, no matter how badly you acted regarding morality and the opinions of others.

What words do you say to yourself? What do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?

If you say to yourself: " I can't do anything", " I can't, I can't", "yes where do I go before", "I won’t go to meet, suddenly she doesn’t like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm somehow not like that"- these thoughts are the way innowhere. You won't achieve anything with them.

The reality is that if you think you can't do it, it's doesn't mean at all that you really won’t succeed, it only says that it may not work out, but it can also work out if you pull yourself together and try hard.

And if it seems to you that they will not understand you, they will not appreciate you, and they will laugh at you, this does not mean at all that it will be so.

Courage and deeds are greatly appreciated by others, even if they are unsuccessful. Intelligent people will see that you are one of those who are able to act!

2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.

Trite, but true, although many do not succeed. Failure happens to everyone. Don't get hung up on a thought like this when you're about to do something: " I may not be able to". If you think like that, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.

Thoughts of failure are blocks that arise in our head as protection against a miss.

But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to respond to such harmful "thought blocks" correctly - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that happens around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).

A simple word or a few words spoken to oneself helps a lot. For example, this unpleasant thought came to me: BUT all of a sudden i can't do anything", answer yourself: " I can, I will do it, and let it be what it is"Next, don't have a pointless conversation that deprives you of confidence. Just do it and see the result.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Only he who pleases everyone or does nothing does not make mistakes. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience in order to correct actions in the future and do something better. We must be afraid not of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of our own (desires).

As they say: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and success cannot be achieved without making mistakes.

3) Never blame yourself. I repeat, it is important to get rid of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.

If you have been constantly blaming yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your subconscious).

And it starts to work as a background, on the machine. You yourself do not notice how suddenly you begin to feel guilty, sometimes doing absolutely nothing wrong.

For example, in your direction could any suspicions arise surrounding, and you about it just thought a little , a sense of guilt could immediately arise inside.

Whatever you did wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but do not blame yourself.

4) Don't make excuses. Justification in itself causes negative emotions. Making excuses, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you may be to blame.

But even if you prove something, the sediment on your soul will still remain, and justification, no matter how you look at it, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it’s better to just apologize if you are really guilty, and that’s it.

5) Fear. Good protective reaction of the body. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural feeling of self-defense. But if fear completely takes possession of a person, then expect trouble.

6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, are embarrassed to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not pride, pride in oneself, one's successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It nourishes you, and you may unwisely resist it. And if you are praised, then you deserve it, you need to adequately accept it.

By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously believe that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from the inside, you reinforce this unnecessary stiffness and shyness in yourself.

The next time you are praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, it may be unusual for you, but still learn to adequately accept gratitude.

As for modesty, not bad when she is on business and alternates with good impudence.

Praise yourself to your loved one - this is the name of a small, but very useful practice that is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful deeds.

Made (a) dinner - excellent, I did well, however, the chicken was burnt - nothing, next time it will turn out better. Washed (a) shorts - great, but I'm just super.

7) If you are always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinion of friends and relatives, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on yourself.

Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.

And by shifting decisions to others, you relieve yourself of responsibility for the possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure, you will have someone to shove and "get rid of", but in case of success, you will not be able to feel a "winner" inside yourself (which you YOURSELF COULD), which means you will not increase your self-confidence!

Just try to make not too important decisions to begin with, most importantly, without regard to others.

We thought it over, firmly decided, period. Even if it's the wrong decision. Just try not to harm the people around you. There is a fine line here, but it is necessary to do this in order to feel in yourself that you too can make a decision, and you have your own real opinion.

8) The level of claims also affects self-esteem. If you put yourself in front too much lofty goals that cannot be realized in a relatively short time, prolonged unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, disappoint and lower your self-esteem.

Set high goals and go for them, but they should be realistically achievable in the near future..

Plan your goals, share parts, do one, move on to another. Having achieved your goal and internally becoming more confident and strong, set yourself a more significant goal.

9) How to raise self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.

True, this exercise is not suitable for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this will continue every time for 3-4 days, leave it, it's just not for you right now. Here a different approach will be needed.

It all depends on the perception of the person and some points that I will not describe here.

When doing the practice, address yourself as your whole "I", do not focus only on appearance, individual features, some thoughts or internal state. You are all together, one whole, so you need to approach it.

Exercise can help a lot, but it takes time, because here you are programming yourself, your subconscious, and this is not so simple.

It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through your teeth, to say: "I love myself and".

You must say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if there is something you don't like about your appearance.

At the mirror, repeat these words for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not fully awake, not loaded with thoughts and still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.

Smiling slightly, say to yourself: " I love and respect myself in my successes and failures. I love myself in sickness and in health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that I have. I respect and love myself. I am a unique person, and I have my own strengths and talents, and there is no one completely similar to me externally and internally. I respect and love myself regardless of my "flaws". I appreciate and love the way I am".

Here it is very important to just calmly say this to yourself, and not to look closely at every little thing that you like or dislike, not to be drawn into all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to say it to yourself and go.

10) Make a list of what you are good at and what you are good at. .

Write everything that is and is true. Describe in detail your positive qualities (everyone has them), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it aloud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If at the end of reading you felt pleasant emotions, then everything worked out, and you should strive for this.

You can spend 2-3 minutes on this at least once a day. Take one skill of yours and describe it, then read it. The next day (or the day after) describe something else.

11) Take small steps towards what you want. Excessive tension, exhaustion is completely useless. You feel that now you don’t want to do anything at all, you want to relax, relax, gain strength and energy.

How to raise self-esteem. Important point!

Don't wait until your self-esteem is strong to make a decision. act little by little already right now.

The more you do something, the more you decide on steps that are significant for you, the faster you will feel confident, and at the same time, everything will work out better and calmer for you.

Nothing raises self-esteem (confidence) like - cessation of self-blame and new actions!

Try to do more of what you enjoy. If now you have to go to a job you hate, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing this, because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate a value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise unloved work will in itself reduce your significance and self-esteem.

If you don't like the job, don't need a drastic change, keep working, but start looking for something that will be more to your taste than what you would like to do. Favorite business (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!

I draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on oneself, pendulums can arise - this is when everything was fine, and then it suddenly became bad. Treat such moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during such periods!

The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to unfold, new perspectives open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.

Finally: how to raise self-esteem?

You can experience anxiety in any place where there are people without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others might think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.

Therefore, a small but important tip - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others. In comparison, you still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.

Do not judge others, because when you judge, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that you will always feel inside yourself that you are being evaluated.

This is manifested in the so-called "mind reading" phenomenon of the psyche, when you think that you know what other people think of you. Moreover, what you think about yourself, you kind of "transfer" into their head, and it seems to you that this is what they think about you.

By and large, all people have different thinking, and we cannot know what others think of us, we can only assume. But what does it matter if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he will not care.

The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot in any way affect your success, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you wind yourself up with some then thoughts. Only you, with your thinking, can bring yourself to emotional tension, stress and bad mood. Remember this.

When you stop judging people, the anxiety that is formed on judging and evaluating will become weaker and weaker, and there will be less and less such thoughts.