Hello dear friends!

I think you may have noticed how negative beliefs can destroy any construct. This trend is most clearly seen not only in the prospects of professional relations, but also in relationships with relatives.

Negative attitudes are programs that, if systematically introduced into, can turn life in a radically different direction. It happens imperceptibly: a person, having stumbled once and not making the right conclusion, gradually begins to believe that he is unlucky.

As the great Mark Twain said:

If everyone living on planet Earth would think identically, then no one would dare to play at the races!

Of course, sometimes events happen that can knock the ground out from under your feet, everyone lives such an experience. But what if the constant noticing of the negative becomes a habit?

In today's article, I would like to reveal the most important and deepest aspects of the influence of bad beliefs on a person's life, which are directly proportional to the lack of success.

It's all about past experience.

I am convinced that the most unfortunate situation hides a huge layer of positive manifestations. That is, under the weight of negativity, if desired, you can always consider the minimum, but the benefit.

It is important, donated by the event and to notice the lessons you need for yourself. Many individuals are not able to properly experience difficulties, relying on or attracting emotional reactions to the cause.

They make it difficult to see the picture holistically and coolly, to conduct the most effective analysis of what happened. As a result, we are dealing with a fatal sign that can move an individual from its place under the Sun to the very plinth.

But what needs to be done to change the approach? I recommend that you pay attention to trying to stop making your principles or beliefs redundant.

It is not worth believing with bulging self-sacrifice in previously established truths that today they may not work. In order to clearly demonstrate how this works, I will give examples in several planes at once.

Relationships with the opposite sex

For example, a woman has been cheated on by her beloved man. Feeling sorry for herself for the longest time and painfully, blaming the Universe for injustice, she maniacally searches for an answer to the question “ Why?».

And most often she comes to the conclusion that men do not belong to the human race, but to the species of artiodactyl animals, and later, having met a worthy gentleman on her life path, she recalls her most familiar song: “ All men are goats!».

Negative beliefs that interfere with women's happiness are most often based on the painful experience of the past, making it difficult to take a different look not only at the renewed self, but also at the people around her.

Health

Sometimes people are able to attract a serious illness into their lives because they believe in it. Moreover, some go to such an extreme that, noticing some problems in their health, they turn to His Majesty the Internet, and there they are certainly convinced of the presence of all types of oncology overnight.

• Next, the most powerful affirmations are included, which give rise to a real, not mythical problem: “ Everyone gets sick and so do I»;
• « Impossible to be healthy»;
• « I'm dying!»;
• « My body is very weak and there is a predisposition»;
• « If I get sick, I can finally rest» it. d.

Work

Suppose a person, among his social circles, does not have a worthy example of a person who was able to get rich in an honest way. Thanks to this conviction, one can piously believe that all people with prosperity are scammers, and the poor are left with the opportunity to pick up crumbs and be content with little.

By repeating the “prayer” systematically, a person programs himself to stay in poverty, because he does not want to see himself in a role of a self-invented scammer in a panic.

The impact of negative energy on money is enormous! Given that the emotion spills out in verbal form, it gets even more power and influence. It extends not only to the head of the individual, but also to the potential progress along, and to the achievement of success.

Moreover, here one can see a trend of ethnic attitudes, when belonging to a people determines a typical or atypical behavior of a person. This is especially pronounced in the infringement of rights, prejudice or far-fetched prohibitions.

A family

A common mistake bad parents make is to instill in their children a sense of underestimation and imperfection. Think about the fact that if a person daily says that she is a dog and addresses them accordingly, after a couple of months, she really barks!

Children are very sensitive to thoughtlessly thrown words, in principle, like any other individual. But hearing from loved ones the phrase " you're stupid!», « not pretty!», « bad» « not like that» it. It's very hard to believe otherwise.

The attitudes are so strongly eaten into the subconscious that in the future they can only lead to complete and walking along the very edge of the abyss, calming the soul with drugs, surrogates of fun and attention to one's nature, wounded in childhood.

Whether we like a fact or not, we are like robots carrying out secret, often unconscious beliefs that are masterfully hidden in the subconscious.

reflection in the mirror

A list of words and phrases that negatively affect a person can be long and tedious. But have you ever thought about what harm you can do to your loved one without a special plan for this venture?

You could hear examples of appeals at home, in a work team, at a school desk, and even on TV. But all of them, without your permission and consent, perform one simple mission - they destroy a person from the inside.

And if you do not take action, the results can be to get poor health, mental problems and lack of growth:

• « I'm incapable of success!»;
• « I am fat»;
• « I am a bad husband, worker, family man...»;
• « I am absolutely not feminine, not beautiful, sick, stupid»;
  And at the same time, the programming of loved ones is no less dangerous. When offensive insults can be thrown out in the hearts and in the absence of control, think about the fact that everything you have agreed upon will definitely come true!
• « You can't even hammer in a nail, master!»;
• “You disgusting mother and wife!»;
• “You are not a child, but horror!» it. d.
  Carefully reread the phrases and be horrified at how rudely you self-hypnosis your wonderful life and family relationships, in fact surprised after: “ Lord, why do I need all this?"- so you also wished!

What we believe in is what we get!

Removing negative beliefs is impossible without changing thinking and rebuilding it in an optimistic way. Today, ideas that allow you to qualitatively manage your subconscious are getting a huge influence.

Although, these are not just ideas, but entire schools, practices and effective methods. All of them are created so that people understand the fact that there are no blocks and frames that are born only by their sick subconscious.

Programs in which there is no constructive can quickly destroy the harmonious flow of energy, which is inefficiently used to deal with fears and internal conflicts with oneself.

We absorb the affirmations of mother and father, society and other people's opinions, and then spend our whole lives fighting them. I think it's time to get rid of the malevolent and negative influence!

1. Say "No" to bad scripts!

A huge number of people do not share the term "realism" and "negative" in relation to the world. Remember, if you sincerely believe that any undertaking is doomed to failure, then this will be read in your behavior, and especially in speech!

Therefore, as soon as you notice the first signals of an accident, completely change your negative approach to life, otherwise failure is inevitable!

2. Bet on the positive!

Try to notice pleasant bonuses and gifts of fate instead of looking for an excuse to say " But! Everything went wrong, which means that my gloomy mood was justified!»
Smile more, charge for positive and by all means, believe only in a good outcome. It cannot be otherwise.

3. Visualize

I suggest that you create by surrounding yourself with specific and clear guidelines for action. In addition, by doing what you like, you run the risk of succeeding as much as possible by enjoying the process.

On this I will finish!

Be sure to subscribe to updates and advise your friends to read the blog. Improve your life by getting rid of unnecessary things, and in the comments, share your own methods for eliminating annoying and dangerous installations.

See you on the blog, bye bye!

We continue the theme of deep subconscious attitudes.

Have you noticed that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we fail to fulfill our plans or achieve our goals for some reason?

Why is this happening?

The reasons may be dark darkness. And each of us will find any excuse.

However, no matter how we look for excuses for our own failures, we ourselves remain the main reason for them.

Let's see why this happens and how you can deal with it.

We unconsciously interfere with the implementation of our plans

For example, we have important, but not very pleasant work ahead of us. Instead of getting it over with quickly, we quite CONSCIOUSLY find thousands of reasons and explanations WHY we DID NOT do it. And immediately a heap of urgent matters is discovered, pushing the work back to the very time when the “fried rooster” begins to sharpen its beak ...

Many decide to start a new life on Monday. We assure ourselves that from Monday we will definitely START A NEW LIFE: we will go in for sports, stop smoking, give up beer / sweets / favorite cakes (favorite drugs). But Monday comes, and the implementation of the plans is again postponed to the future. And often, "that same Monday" - NEVER COMES ...

Sometimes the body resists actions or events that are potentially threatening so actively that a person can even get sick. Surely, some are familiar with the situation when, before a responsible meeting, the temperature suddenly jumps and the head splits. You can no longer go anywhere, do nothing.

The destructive work of our subconscious. Negative programs

It’s all because of the negative internal attitudes that block our efforts and erect obstacles on the way to success. Attitudes predispose a person to the same reactions and actions in repetitive life situations. And, over the years, this “baggage” in the subconscious, which we drag along with us, will become stronger and replenished with new negative experiences.

In childhood, mistakes in education contribute to the formation of negative attitudes. When critical remarks are made to a child in the form of categorical generalizing judgments, such as “you are always late”, “you are good for nothing”, “your work is terrible”, “stupid”, etc., subconscious attitudes are formed that deny any possibility of success and programming appropriate behaviors.

I call them negative programs.

Most often, negative programs in our country relate to such burning topics as health and money (there is also sex, but everything is easier with it, and therefore I will not write about it).

For example, people who have learned from childhood a prejudice against wealth, who believe that it is a synonym for dishonesty, a negative attitude will subconsciously prevent them from achieving financial success.

A kind of psychological ban on wealth will work.

Remember, the rich, even in fairy tales, appear as "dishonest deceivers." And not to mention the "hated bourgeois" who were defeated by our valiant people in the heyday of communism.

We have learned very well what is good and what is bad. Public morality took care of this, just in time, having introduced into our heads the installation: what to be and what not to be.

Can an honest person be rich?

Think about why such a manipulation was created.

The same applies to health. We have been very cleverly programmed into what diseases we SHOULD get, and by what age IT WILL HAPPEN.

You are sitting with the letter "Zu"! Your back is bound to hurt!

That is why, if we want to improve our health and get rich, we must overcome negative internal attitudes.

To prevent malicious installations from ruining our lives, we first need to identify and recognize them. After all, as you know, in order to defeat the enemy, you must first find him.

After all, sometimes we don’t even suspect that we are PROGRAMMED TO FAIL.

Imagine such a common life situation. A beautiful and smart girl is chronically unlucky with men. She considers herself a failure, but does not think about what exactly prevents her from arranging her personal life. And the point, perhaps, is in a subconscious attitude, which forms confidence in failure in advance, and disappointment does not keep itself waiting.

But, even if the presence of a blocking installation is realized, often we DO NOT WANT to admit it to ourselves. Indeed, it is easier to blame bad luck or fatal bad luck for failure than to try to break down psychological barriers to success.

How to identify negative programs in yourself?

The problem is that there can be many internal complexes and barriers, they are often so closely intertwined with each other that only a good shrink can unravel this tangle of contradictions.

I recommend turning to specialists in such matters: to trainers and coaches, in extreme cases - to practicing psychologists (“desk” and “room” psychologists should be dismissed immediately, I’ll tell you from personal experience, often such guys cannot put things in order in their lives. But to teach other life is much more)

However, you can try to solve the problem yourself. To do this, you need to master a few simple techniques of psychotechnics. I will help you with this.

Ways to identify negative programs

1. Visualization.

Mentally imagine the area of ​​your life in which you face the greatest difficulties and work through them. This will allow us to figure out what unconscious fears prevent us from putting things in order in this area.

Consider, for example, some of the most common financial problems today.

Sit comfortably. Breathe deeply. Relax.

Start imagining.

Imagine that you have become the owner of a large amount of money.

Represented?

Now think about what problems wealth will bring you. And write down everything that comes to mind: envy, which you will certainly feel; aggravation of relations with friends and girlfriends; possible danger to your loved ones; maybe they even want to rob you, etc. Then consider whether the unpleasant consequences that the subconscious mind warns you about are so terrible. Try to mentally write a positive scenario of your actions, to imagine in detail how you cope with the difficulties that have arisen.

2. Analysis of the environment.

To identify psychological attitudes, it is useful to look around and try to understand what stereotypes of thinking are characteristic of our environment. Because, most likely, they are inherent in us.

The influence of the environment on a person: family, friends, neighbors is very great. Often, people who constantly communicate with each other form similar internal attitudes, the same programs. Therefore, if you find stereotypical ideas and prejudices among your relatives and friends, it is possible that these same harmful attitudes prevent you from living.

3. Analysis of authority, media, films, books.

And one more exercise.

We analyze on paper our favorite movie characters, favorite book characters, fictional self (who you like to be in your dreams), authorities (those you would like to be like). Such an analysis will answer important questions: with whom we tend to identify ourselves, what type of behavior is a role model.

Most likely, you will find certain psychological attitudes or stereotypes of thinking in your favorite "heroes". And, therefore, you will be ready to identify negative programs and overcome them in your subconscious.

The main thing:

make your analysis in WRITTEN. Go through three exercises and write everything down on sheets of paper (if you really started working on yourself, then there may be a lot of sheets - and this is normal).

At the same time write everything as it is! Write curse words if necessary. You shouldn't hold back.

Don't be fooled!

Write out all the negative attitudes! Because right now, you will receive a technique that will allow you to CHANGE your LIFE.

So,

These exercises are aimed at finding internal attitudes. When they are discovered, we will begin to consciously get rid of them. We will try to break the stereotypes of our thinking and overcome negative attitudes using the special BSFF technique. We will also work on creating new positive attitudes and behavioral mechanisms that can lead us to success in life.

However, before you get down to the actual work, you need to learn one more thing.

On this difficult path, many serious difficulties and obstacles lie in wait for us.

First, we may experience pressure from our immediate environment. After all, having changed the model of behavior, we continue to be in an environment in which the old attitudes are inherent. And this must be fought. That's why,

Start CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT!

Try to communicate more often with positive, purposeful, successful people and like-minded people. Change your negative environment.

Secondly, bouts of bad mood and disbelief in one's own strength can periodically roll up. This is completely normal and happens to everyone. As in nature there are ebb and flow, so in human life periods of vigorous activity are replaced by periods of recession and calm. However, such psycho-emotional destabilizations in your life must be minimized.

Therefore, it is important to understand what is happening HERE AND NOW, in no case give up, do not give up trying to change your life for the better and constantly develop.

Dissatisfaction with yourself is a sign of growth only if you are ready for change.

In working on oneself, it is very important to strive for positive thinking (not for the “positive thinking” of pop psychology, but for the correct positioning of oneself in the world). No need to think about the bad, prepare in advance for failures. You should not waste your life on fruitless worries and worries. The energy of our thoughts is a powerful force. Therefore, it is worth paying attention to the bright sides of life more often, making plans and WISHING YOUR SUCCESS.

The fight against negative internal attitudes is the first, and at the same time a very important step on this path.

Many people often complain about life, blaming authorities, neighbors, weather, bosses or loved ones for their problems. To be happy somehow is even indecent, and talking about your successes and achievements is certainly boasting. A smiling passerby is perceived as crazy, and declaring "I'm happy!" - like a real eccentric in rose-colored glasses. But let's still talk about it and try to figure out what happiness means to you personally, how much it depends on the people around you, things and public opinion.

Usually the movement to happiness begins with the question “Am I a happy person? What is happiness for me? I insist that happiness is a way of perceiving the world, a worldview, a perspective that allows you not to dwell on problems, easily overcome them, notice the beauty around, be able to have fun, strive for development and creation.

How to be happy if I can't have what I want

We will never have everything we want - and this is normal: desires tend to never end and constantly multiply (and are also imposed by advertising, false prestige and a consumer society). No matter how much and what a person has, it is always not enough for him. Little money, little love, few dresses in the closet, few likes, etc. But the benefits received, so desired yesterday, today lose their charm and novelty, the possession of them ceases to seem like something so attractive, and again one wants something else. And again we want something inaccessible and maybe that's why it's so desirable. This eternal pursuit of what you do not have gives rise to dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction with the present - and as a result, a person feels unhappy and depressed. So maybe happiness is not in this? What then, you ask? It seems to me that the point is not at all about what you have and what you don’t, whether you get what you have planned or not, and not even how others perceive you, whether they love, support, admire. The question of happiness is much deeper.

The question is, how can you be content with what you already have? How to be happy in the present moment (strive for perfection, of course) - with that level of prosperity, with those imperfect people around, with that imperfect version of yourself? In order not to suffer from the impossibility of owning something or someone, learn to appreciate what you already have now.

Being grateful for everything is also an art that can be learned.

We are looking for negative installations and programs

Most people live according to circumstances - as they say, they go with the flow, and their emotions and mood are determined by external factors. But, in fact, we ourselves choose how and what to react to, what to pay attention to and what to let into our world. I really like the statement that our life is like the movies we choose to watch. I myself was once a lover of dramas with a tragic ending, getting some kind of masochistic pleasure from it. But recently I realized that I have been avoiding such films for several years - I just stopped liking suffering and hopelessness. I must admit that in my life there were about the same changes: I abandoned dramas and destructive scenarios, preferring creation and creation.

Indeed, we very rarely think about our mood in life, and more specifically - about the programs and installations that we implement. And if we think about it, then in especially difficult moments (the loss of loved ones, an accident, a serious illness) - naming and scolding a difficult fate, which now and then presents us with trials and puts trips. Less often we ask ourselves questions - why is this happening and how to change it? Asking yourself this is extremely important - these are the questions that can take you out of where you are now and lead you to where you would like to be.

Awareness of the negative attitudes in your life is already half the solution to the problem. As soon as you manage to fish them out of your subconscious, you will immediately begin to notice when you express them, with what reactions and phrases you embody them in your life. Notice and laugh at your own reactions! For example, I repeat to myself - “Oh, again I am playing the drama“ How hard is my life!

Why do we have this desire to suffer, to feel sorry for others who suffer, to blame someone for something, to present ourselves as a victim of circumstances? Nobody likes the answer, but it is obvious: from the desire to shift responsibility to someone else for your life, for your inactivity, inability to successfully act and overcome obstacles on the way to your goals. Sympathizing with other suffering, we seem to be convinced that not only our life is hard and it is impossible to change anything. The success of these endless series about suffering women is precisely due to the fact that after watching them, you can give up, justify and feel sorry for yourself and calm down on this.

To discover negative attitudes, I suggest you honestly answer yourself the following questions.

• What am I unhappy with in my life? What specifically does not suit me?
• What or who makes me feel negative emotions?
• What negative attitudes do I implement in my life?
• How often do I express dissatisfaction?
• How often do I complain about life?
• How do I react to external stimuli? Is it easy to piss me off and provoke me to negativity?
• How dependent am I on the opinions of others?
• What are the attacks of anger, despair, sadness, longing (your version?)
• What parenting programs do I implement in my life?
• What concept of life am I embodying?

You need to try to realize your current state, feelings, emotions, and also try to isolate from the swarm of passing thoughts those negative ones that prevent you from living easily and joyfully. These can be phrases learned in early childhood, heard from parents, or acquired already in adulthood. The most common and typical: “Such is the woman’s fate!”, “This is my cross, and I have to carry it until the end of my days!”, “I, as always, will not succeed!”, “Well, this is me - how can I something normal?”, “I’m never lucky!”, “I’m a loser!”, “We live in such a state!”, “No one loves me, no one needs me!”, “All men are weak / dishonorable / (your choice)”, etc. Watch yourself as if from the outside - note which phrases are spinning in your head more often than others, write out your complaints - and you will certainly be able to find those monsters that suck your energy and deprive you of a joyful existence.

Is it possible to change your perception of life?

A person who is trying to change his life for the better and become happy must certainly do something for this - first think, and then take active steps to translate these thoughts into reality. And here is the first catch and the cornerstone of a happy life - Stop complaining and start making changes. Complaining about life and living an active life are two different approaches of two completely different types of people, even two civilizations from different planets. The only good news is that these castes are not closed and the transition from one to another is possible (although it happens, to tell the truth, rarely).

It's easy to say - change your perception of life! In fact, this means - completely change yourself, your views, do not listen to your experience and common sense, become a different person. Is it real and why? If you move gradually in small steps - absolutely real! Why - in order to move to a new, higher quality level of life, discover new opportunities and reach your potential, live consciously and joyfully, finally become happy

Rewriting negative programs

Detection of negative attitudes gives an understanding of what exactly slows you down and what needs to be changed in your life. Try to write opposite each answer to the above questions - why is this happening? what can i change? how to deal with it? For example, limit your interactions with people who annoy you, treat you badly, or are just plain mean. If you don't like your job, check out an ad for another right now or consider changing your profession! If you are gnawed by resentment, negative emotions from the past - finally forgive your offenders, accept these people as they are and let them move on in peace. Usually people offend others because they themselves are in desperate need of recognition, understanding, love. Treat all the events and people in your life as an experience necessary for your growth. You can blame your parents for missing love, men - for unfair treatment of you, or you can ask yourself - why was I born in this family? what was that supposed to teach me? why did I let such a man into my life and what lesson did he teach me? The answers to these questions and forgiveness will bring you relief, understanding and gratitude for invaluable knowledge.

Feel free to rewrite negative programs! For example, the settings “Life tests me for strength, sending one test after another!” can be replaced with "Life is a wise teacher that gives invaluable knowledge and teaches me through difficult situations." Or “I never succeed, I can’t do anything!”, “No one loves me and doesn’t want to communicate with me!” to “I’m lucky and I always get what I want! The universe loves me and promotes me!”, “I am a positive person who attracts others and arouses interest!”. It really works - with the same initial data, you can get the opposite results, changing the way you look at yourself and the world.

Yes, of course, in fairness it should be noted that many circumstances are beyond our control. We are practically unable to change other people, to force them to act as we want and see fit. But that doesn't mean we can't change anything. As the saying goes, if you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it.

Change not the people around - but yourself and your attitude towards them!

Act and form your attitude towards circumstances and people based on your personal priorities and values ​​(yes, you can directly write down a list of your priorities) - and then it will become easier for you to relate to many situations, including public opinion, condemnation or criticism from sides. For example, if your behavior causes public censure or envy - do not be upset, but rejoice: it means you are popular! People usually envy those in whose place they would like to be themselves, or those who they secretly really like!

Remember that this is only your life and you decide how to live it. It is up to you to decide which emotions to let in, and which ones to shut out or simply ignore. Only you have the right to decide what is good for you and what is bad. And even if you made some kind of mistake - it is your mistake, you have every right to make it! At that moment in your life, you acted on the basis of the experience and knowledge that you possessed, considering this option to be the most correct at the moment.

Everyone makes mistakes - it's another matter how you treat them. Either reproach yourself for the rest of your life, or take it as an experience, say thank you for these lessons and easily move on to your goals and personal happiness.

Shaping your image of happiness

Happy people - who are they to you? When was the last time you experienced happiness - where, with whom, what surrounded you at that moment?

The answers to these questions will help you understand how to attract more positive emotions and joyful moments into your life. It is important to see what makes you happy and what your idea of ​​happiness is. So the following questions will help you do that:

Well, now the final and most important part of our work on happiness is to combine the knowledge gained from the two previous exercises and answer our main question - How can I become happier today? What will I treat myself to today and what will I do to enjoy it? Make plans for the future, come up with a dream for yourself, mentally move into your ideal life! Well, and, of course, love yourself - learn to hear your desires and be sure to fulfill them (however, we will talk about self-love in a separate article).

Instead of a conclusion or “Be happy!”

Many people see only problems in life, constantly talk about them, increasing their importance in their lives. At the same time, not noticing the beautiful and amazing nearby, simple things that can please the eye and soul. Everyone has problems in life - the question is how to respond to them and how to perceive them. Some people react calmly, without unnecessary emotions and panic - as if they were just another task to solve (There is a problem, then we will solve it!). Other people, when unforeseen situations arise, begin to panic, sound the alarm, lament, without doing anything. Obviously, the first approach is more productive. If you worry about the slightest reason, imagine terrible situations and their consequences, then life will turn into hard labor, only threats and dangers, illnesses and adverse circumstances will appear around. The golden rule - do not think about the bad, do not remember the unpleasant, drive away negative thoughts and replace them with good ones! Do not spin a film of problems and difficulties in your head, do not dwell on them - imagine a positive outcome of the situation, pictures of your happy life.

If you dwell on negative thoughts, life will certainly turn into a series of problems and failures.

If you already spend energy on thoughts, then it’s better for positive ones - imagine your happiness more often, feel how your eyes glow and your soul sings when events turn out for you in the best way, you meet bright interesting people who help you and support you in your aspirations. Smile at your reflection in the mirror, thank life for all the good things, notice the beauty around you - birdsong, lush clouds, rays of light in green foliage ... And you will be happy!

With best wishes for you,

Sasha Leonova

Photo by Julia Okhremenko (julia_truefriend on Instagram)

Fragment from the book. Kovpak DV, "How to get rid of anxiety and fear". A practical guide for a psychotherapist. - St. Petersburg: Science and technology, 2007. - 240 p.

In the course of life, on a relatively blank sheet, which is our psyche at birth, our reactions to stimuli are recorded in huge numbers, and over time turn it into a manuscript streaked with many letters.

And, as the outstanding Georgian psychologist and philosopher Dmitry Nikolaevich Uznadze (1886 - 1950) established, the so-called installation, or willingness to respond in a certain way in a certain situation. For the first time this concept was formulated by the German psychologist L. Lange in 1888, but the modern generally accepted and recognized by the scientific community concept of "setting" appeared later in the works of Uznadze.

Our perception of the world is not a passive, but a very active process. We see events, people and facts not objectively and impartially, but through certain glasses, filters, prisms that distort reality in a whimsical and varied way for each of us. This bias, selectivity and arbitrary coloring of perception in psychology is referred to by the term "attitude". Seeing the desired instead of the real, perceiving reality in a halo of expectations is an amazing human property. In many cases, when we are sure that we are acting and judging quite sensibly, upon mature reflection it turns out that our certain attitude has worked. Information that has passed through this mill of distorting perception sometimes acquires an unrecognizable appearance.

The concept of "attitude" has taken an important place in psychology, because the phenomena of attitude permeate almost all spheres of a person's mental life. The state of readiness, or installation, is of fundamental functional importance. A person prepared for a certain action has the ability to carry it out quickly and accurately, that is, more efficiently than an unprepared one. However, the installation may work erroneously and, as a result, may not correspond to real circumstances. In such a situation, we become hostages of our attitudes.

A classic example explaining the concept of installation is one of the experiments conducted by Dmitry Nikolayevich. It consisted of the following. The subject received a series of words written in Latin. For a period of time he read them. Then the subject received a series of Russian words. But continued to read them as Latin for some time. For example, instead of the word "axe" he read "monop". Analyzing experience. Uznadze writes: "... In the process of reading Latin words, the subject activated the corresponding setting - the setting to read in Latin, and when he is offered a Russian word, that is, a word in a language that he understands well, he reads it as if it were Latin Only after a certain period of time the subject will begin to notice his mistake ... When it comes to setting, it is assumed that this is a certain state, which, as it were, precedes the solution of the problem, as if in advance includes the direction in which the problem should be resolved ..."

Unconscious automatisms usually mean actions or acts that are performed "by themselves", without the participation of consciousness. Sometimes they talk about "mechanical work", about work in which "the head remains free." "Free head" means the absence of conscious control.

An analysis of automatic processes reveals their dual origin. Some of these processes were never realized, while others passed through consciousness and ceased to be realized.

The former constitute the group of primary automatisms, the latter - the group of secondary automatisms. The first are automatic actions, the second are automated actions or skills.

The group of automatic actions includes either congenital acts or those that are formed very early, often during the first year of a child's life. For example, sucking movements of the lips, blinking, walking and many others.

The group of automated actions or skills is especially extensive and interesting. Thanks to the formation of a habit, a two-fold effect is achieved: first, the action begins to be carried out quickly and accurately; secondly, there is a release of consciousness, which can be directed to mastering a more complex action. This process is essential to the life of every person. It underlies the development of all our skills and abilities.

The field of consciousness is heterogeneous: it has a focus, a periphery, and finally, a border beyond which the area of ​​the unconscious begins. The latest and most complex components of the action are in the focus of consciousness; the following fall on the periphery of consciousness; finally, the simplest and most developed components go beyond the boundaries of consciousness.

Remember how you mastered the computer (those who have already mastered it). At first, searching for the right key required, at best, tens of seconds, if not a minute. And each action was preceded by a technological pause: it was necessary to inspect the entire keyboard in order to find the necessary button. And any interference was like a disaster, because it led to many mistakes. Sounding music, noises, someone's movements - terribly annoying. But time has passed. Now these "first steps" in the distant past (approximately at the level of the Mesozoic era) seem to be something unrealistic. It is hard to imagine that more than one minute was once spent in order to find the right key and press it. Now there is no thinking about "when to press which key", and the duration of pauses has been drastically reduced. Everything is done automatically: the fingers seem to have gained sight - they themselves find the right button and press it. And while working, you can listen to the sounds of music, be distracted by some extraneous topics, drink coffee, chew a sandwich, without fear for the result, because a clear, so-called dynamic stereotype has developed: actions are worked out and controlled unconsciously.

The unconsciousness of attitudes, on the one hand, makes our life easier by "unloading our head" from regular routine tasks, on the other hand, it can significantly complicate our life if we mistakenly turn on attitudes that are unsuitable or become unsuitable due to changed circumstances. Erroneous or inadequately used settings will be the reason for our unpleasant surprise caused by our own behavior, striking in its groundlessness and uncontrollability.

One example of the determining effect of the mindset on human life is the amazing effectiveness of witchcraft in lullaby civilizations. A Western anthropologist doing field work in the Australian desert and the natives crowding around him are, despite their spatial proximity, in completely different worlds. Australian aboriginal sorcerers carry with them the bones of giant lizards, which play the role of a magic wand. As soon as the sorcerer pronounces the death sentence and points with this wand to one of his fellow tribesmen, he immediately develops a state corresponding to severe depression. But not from the action of the bones, of course, but from the boundless faith in the power of the sorcerer. The fact is that, having learned about the curse, the unfortunate cannot even imagine another scenario, except for his inevitable death from the influence of the sorcerer. An attitude was formed in his psyche, dictating an imminent death. In the body of a person who is sure that he will die anyway, all stages of stress rapidly pass, vital processes slow down and exhaustion develops. Here is a description of the action of such a "death command":

But if the sorcerer tries to do the same with one of the Europeans, even with the same anthropologist, he is unlikely to succeed. A European simply will not understand the significance of what is happening - he will see a short naked man in front of him, waving an animal bone and muttering some words. If it were otherwise, Australian sorcerers would have ruled the world long ago! An Australian aborigine who got to the session of Anatoly Mikhailovich Kashpirovsky, with his "setting for good", would hardly have realized the significance of the situation - most likely, he would simply have seen a gloomy man in a European suit, muttering some words and looking intently from under his brows into the hall. Otherwise, Kashpirovsky could have become the chief shaman of the Australian aborigines long ago.

By the way, the very phenomenon of Voodoo rituals or the so-called zombification can be easily explained from scientific positions, primarily based on the concept of "attitude".

Set is the general name for the mechanism that guides our behavior in particular situations. The contents of the installation are ideational. that is, mental processes. It is the attitude that determines the readiness in one situation to respond with positive emotions, and in another - with negative ones. The installation performs the task of filtering and selecting incoming information. It determines the stable, purposeful nature of the flow of activity, frees a person from the need to consciously make a decision and arbitrarily control the activity in standard situations. However, in some cases, the set can serve as a factor that provokes stress, reduces the quality of a person's life, causing inertness, rigidity of activity and making it difficult to adequately adapt to new situations.

Irrational stressful attitudes

All attitudes are based on normal psychological mechanisms that provide the most rational knowledge of the surrounding world and the most painless adaptation of a person in it. After all, as already mentioned, an attitude is a tendency to a certain interpretation and understanding of what is happening, and the quality of adaptation, that is, the quality of human life, depends on the adequacy of this interpretation.

What is more in your attitudes - rational or irrational - depends, of course, on biological factors, but to a greater extent on the influence of the psychological and social environment in which you grew up and developed.

However, almost every person is given the opportunity to get rid of conscious and unconscious cognitive (mental) errors and delusions through the formation of more rational views and attitudes, reasonable and adaptive thinking. But in order to do this, it is necessary to understand what exactly prevents us from living in harmony with ourselves and the world. It is necessary to "know the enemy by sight."

The decisive factor for the survival of the organism is the rapid and accurate processing of incoming information, which is greatly influenced by systematic bias. In other words, people's thinking is often biased and biased.

"The human mind," said F. Bacon more than three hundred years ago, "is likened to an uneven mirror, which, mixing its nature with the nature of things, reflects things in a distorted and disfigured form."

Each person in his thinking has his own weak point - "cognitive vulnerability" - which determines his predisposition to psychological stress.

Personality is formed by schemes or, as psychologists say, by cognitive structures, which are basic beliefs (positions). These schemas begin to form in childhood on the basis of personal experiences and identification with significant others: people, virtual images, such as characters in books and films. Consciousness forms representations and concepts - about oneself, others, about how the world works and functions. These concepts are reinforced by further experience and in turn influence the formation of beliefs, values ​​and attitudes.

Schemas can be helpful, helping to survive and improve the quality of life, and harmful, contributing to unnecessary worries, problems and stress (adaptive or dysfunctional). They are stable structures that become active when they are "turned on" by specific stimuli, stressors and circumstances.

Harmful (dysfunctional) schemes and attitudes differ from beneficial (adaptive) ones by the presence of so-called cognitive distortions. Cognitive biases are systematic errors in thinking.

Harmful irrational attitudes are rigid mental-emotional connections. According to A. Ellis, they have the character of a prescription, a demand, an order, and they are unconditional. In connection with these features, irrational attitudes come into confrontation with reality, contradict the objectively prevailing conditions and naturally lead to maladaptation and emotional problems of the individual. The lack of implementation of actions prescribed by irrational attitudes leads to prolonged inadequate emotions.

As each person develops, he learns certain rules; they can be designated as formulas, programs or algorithms, through which he tries to comprehend reality. These formulas (views, attitudes, attitudes) determine how a person explains the events happening to him and how they should be treated. In essence, from these basic rules, a personal matrix of meanings and meanings is formed, orienting the individual in reality. Such rules work at the moment of understanding the situation and inside the psyche they manifest themselves in the form of latent and automatic thoughts. Automatic thoughts are thoughts that appear spontaneously and are set in motion by circumstances. These thoughts “develop between an event (or, as it is commonly called, a stimulus) and the individual’s emotional and behavioral reactions. They are perceived without criticism, as indisputable, without checking their logic and realism (confirmation with facts).

Such beliefs are formed from childhood experiences or are adopted from parents and peers. Many of them are based on family rules. For example, a mother says to her daughter: "If you don't be a good girl, then dad and I will stop loving you!" The girl thinks, repeats what she heard aloud and to herself, and then begins to say it to herself regularly and automatically. After some time, this commandment is transformed into a rule - "my value depends on what others think of me."

The child perceives irrational judgments and ideas, in the absence of the skill of critical analysis and sufficient experience, as given and true.: Using the language of Gestalt therapy, the child introjects, "swallows" certain ideas that dictate a special type of behavior.

Most emotional problems are often based on one or more central ideas. This is the cornerstone that lies at the basis of most beliefs, opinions and actions. These central attitudes can serve as the underlying cause of the vast majority of psychological problems and inadequate emotional states.

Fortunately, because cognitive phenomena can be seen through introspection (observing one's verbal thoughts and mental images), their nature and connections can be tested in a wide variety of situations and systematic experiments. By abandoning the notion of oneself as a helpless product of biochemical reactions, blind impulses or automatic reflexes, a person is able to see in himself a being prone to give rise to erroneous ideas, but also capable of unlearning them or correcting them. Only by identifying and correcting errors of thinking can a person organize a life with higher levels of self-fulfillment and quality.

The cognitive-behavioral approach brings the understanding (and treatment) of emotional disorders closer to everyday human experience. For example, realizing the presence of a problem associated with a misunderstanding that a person has shown many times throughout his life. In addition, everyone, no doubt, has been successful in the past in correcting misinterpretations - either by obtaining more accurate, adequate information, or by realizing the fallacy of their understanding.

Below is a list of the most common harmful irrational (dysfunctional) attitudes. To facilitate the process of their identification, fixation and clarification (verification), we recommend using the so-called marker words. These words, both spoken and discovered in the course of self-observation as thoughts, ideas and images, in most cases indicate the presence of an irrational attitude of the type corresponding to them. The more of them in the analysis revealed in thoughts and statements, the greater the severity (intensity of manifestation) and the rigidity of the irrational attitude.

Setting a must

The central idea of ​​such an attitude is the idea of ​​duty. The very word "should" is in most cases a language trap. The meaning of the word "should" means - only this way and nothing else. Therefore, the word "should", "should", "should" and the like denote a situation where there is no alternative. But such a designation of the situation is valid only in very rare, almost exceptional cases. For example, the statement "man, if he wants to survive, must breathe air" would be adequate, since there is no physical alternative. A statement like: "You must appear at the appointed place at 9.00" is inaccurate in reality, since, in fact, it hides other designations and explanations (or just words). For example: "I want you to come by 9.00", "You should, if you want to get something you need for yourself, come by 9.00". It would seem, what's the difference how to say or think? But the fact is, by thinking this way regularly and giving the green light to the must-set, we inevitably set ourselves up for stress, whether acute or chronic.

The attitude of duty manifests itself in three areas. The first is the attitude of obligation towards oneself - that "I owe others." Having the belief that you owe something to someone will serve as a source of stress every time someone or something reminds you of this debt and something or someone at the same time prevents you from fulfilling it. .

Circumstances are often not in our favor, so the fulfillment of this "duty" in the face of some unfavorable circumstances becomes problematic. In this case, a person also falls into the error he created: there is no opportunity to "repay the debt", but there is also no opportunity to "not return" it. In short, a complete dead end, which also threatens with "global" troubles.

The second sphere of setting the duty is the duty of others. That is, we are talking about what "other people owe me": how they should behave with me, how to speak in my presence, what to do. And this is one of the most powerful sources of stress, because never and no one in life, in the entire history of mankind, has had such an environment that it always behaves "properly" in everything. Even the leaders of the highest rank, even the pharaohs and priests, even the most odious tyrants (and this attitude is one of the reasons that they became tyrants) appeared in the field of view of people who acted "not as they should." And, naturally, when we see a person who does not act as he supposedly "should in relation to me", then the level of psycho-emotional indignation is rapidly increasing. Hence the stress.

The third sphere of the installation of duty is the requirements for the world around. This is what acts as a claim to nature, weather, economic situation, government, etc.

Marker words: must (should, must, must not, must not, must not, etc.), necessarily, by all means, "blood from the nose."

catastrophizing installation

This attitude is characterized by hyperbolization of the negative nature of the phenomenon or situation. It reflects the irrational belief that there are catastrophic events in the world that are assessed so objectively, outside of any frame of reference. The attitude manifests itself in statements of a negative nature, expressed in the most extreme degree. For example: “It’s terrible to be alone in old age”, “It will be a disaster to start panicking in front of everyone”, “Better the end of the world than to blurt out something wrong in front of a lot of people.”

In the case of the influence of the catastrophizing attitude, an event that is simply unpleasant is assessed as something inevitable, monstrous and terrifying, destroying the basic values ​​of a person once and for all. The event that happened is assessed as a "universal catastrophe" and a person who finds himself in the sphere of influence of this event feels that he is unable to change anything for the better. For example, having made a number of mistakes and expecting imminent claims from management, a certain employee begins an internal monologue, which may not even be aware: "Oh, horror! Hv everything. this is the end! I will be fired! This is monstrous! !.." It is clear that, thinking in this way, a person begins to create a lot of negative emotions and, after them, physical discomfort appears.

But it is completely pointless to consciously “wind up” oneself, to oppress and suppress oneself by reasoning about what happened, perceiving it as a universal catastrophe. Of course, being fired is bad. But is it a disaster? No. Or is it something life-threatening, mortal? Also no. Is it rational to go into tragic experiences, and not look for ways out of the circumstances?

Marker words: catastrophe, nightmare, horror, doomsday.

Setting the prediction of a negative future

The tendency to believe one's specific expectations, both verbally stated and as mental images.

Remember one famous fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm. It's called "Smart Elsa". In a loose retelling, it sounds like this:

Once the wife (Elsa) went to the basement for milk (in the original - for beer!) And disappeared. The husband (Hans) waited and waited, but his wife was still not there. And I already want to eat (drink), but she does not come. He was worried: "Has something happened?" And went to the basement for her. He goes down the steps and sees: his missus is sitting and sobbing with bitter tears. "What happened?" exclaimed the husband. And she answered: "Do you see the ax hanging by the stairs?" He: "Yes, so what?" And she bursts into tears more and more. "Yes, what happened, tell me, finally!" the husband pleaded. The wife says: "Here we have a child and he will go when he grows up in the basement, and the ax will break and kill him to death! Here is horror and bitter grief!" The husband, of course, reassured his half, not forgetting to call her “smart” (in the original, he was even heartily delighted: “I don’t need more intelligence in the household”), checked whether the ax was firmly fixed. But the wife has already spoiled her mood with her far-fetched assumptions. And she did it in vain. Now you have to calm down and restore peace of mind for more than one couple of hours ...

So, becoming prophets, or rather, pseudo-prophets, we predict failures, then do everything to bring them to fruition, and in the end we get them. But, in fact, does such forecasting look reasonable and rational? Clearly not. Because our opinion about the future is not the future. This is just a hypothesis, which, like any theoretical assumption, must be tested for truth. And this is possible in some cases only empirically (by the "trial and error" method). Of course, doubts are needed in order to find the truth and not be mistaken. But sometimes, getting in the way, they block the movement and interfere with the achievement of the result.

Marker words: what if; but what if; but maybe.

Installation of maximalism

This setting is characterized by the selection for oneself and / or other persons of the highest hypothetically possible standards (even if no one is able to achieve them), and then using them as a standard for determining the value of an action, phenomenon or person.

The well-known expression is indicative: "To love is like a queen, to steal is like a million!"

Thinking is characterized by the position "all or nothing!" The extreme form of setting maximalism is the setting of perfectionism (from perfectio (lat.) - perfect, perfect).

Marker words: to the maximum, only excellent/five, 100% ("one hundred percent").

Installation of dichotomous thinking

In a literal translation into Russian, po means "cutting into two parts." Dichotomous thinking manifests itself in the tendency to place life experience in one of two opposite categories, for example: blameless or imperfect, blameless or despicable, saint or sinner.

Thinking under the dictates of such an attitude can be characterized as "black and white", characterized by a tendency to think in extremes. There is an evaluation of concepts (which are actually located on a continuum (in inseparable interaction), as antagonists and as mutually exclusive options.

The statement: "In this world you are either a winner or a loser" - clearly demonstrates the polarity of the options presented and their tough confrontation.

Marker words: or ... - or ... ("either yes - or no", "or pan, or gone"), or - or ... ("either alive or dead").

Setting personalization

It manifests itself as a tendency to associate events exclusively with one's person when there is no reason for such a conclusion, as well as to interpret most events as relating to oneself.

"Everyone is looking at me", "Surely these two are judging me now", etc.

Marker words: pronouns - I, me, me, me.

Installation of overgeneralization

Overgeneralization refers to patterns of formulating a general rule based on one or more isolated episodes. The influence of this attitude leads to a categorical judgment on a single basis (criterion, episode) about the entire set of phenomena. The result is an unjustified generalization based on selective information. For example: "All men are pigs", "If it didn't work out right away, then it will never work out." A principle is formed - if something is true in one case, it is true in all other more or less similar cases.

Marker words: all, nobody, nothing, everywhere, nowhere, never, always, forever, constantly.

Mind reading installation

This attitude creates a tendency to attribute to other people unspoken judgments, opinions and specific thoughts. The sullen look of the boss can be regarded by an anxious subordinate as thoughts, or even a ripe decision to dismiss him. This may be followed by a sleepless night of painful reflection, and the decision: "I will not let him get the pleasure of mocking me - I will quit of my own free will." And in the morning, at the very beginning of the working day, the boss, who yesterday was tormented by stomach pains (which was the reason for his "severe" look), is trying to understand why his not the worst employee would suddenly want to quit his job so sharply and with obvious irritation. work.

Marker words: he/she/they think(s).

Estimated installation

This attitude manifests itself in the case of assessing the personality of a person as a whole, and not his individual features, qualities, actions, etc. Evaluation shows its irrational nature when a separate aspect of a person is identified with the characteristics of his entire personality.

Marker words: bad, good, worthless, stupid, etc.

Setting anthropomorphism

Attribution of human properties and qualities to objects and phenomena of animate and inanimate nature.

Marker words: wants, thinks, believes, fairly, honestly, and similar statements addressed to inanimate objects.

Dmitry Kovpak, "How to get rid of anxiety and fear"

The muscle test is an applied exercise in kinesiology, the science of movement. It is based on the fact that the muscular reaction of the body to the truth and to a lie is different. Truth strengthens us, lies weaken us. On a subconscious level, our body knows what is good for us and what is bad, where is the truth and where is the lie. This can be used to determine choices, what you need to do, which product is useful, validate a statement, and so on.

We will use it to test the presence of certain negative beliefs in our unconscious. How to conduct a muscle (kinesiology) test yourself:

Stand up straight. hands are down. Relax your legs, your whole body.
Take 3 deep breaths. Close your eyes.
Calibrate your body. Tell him, "That's my yes." And listen to your body. It should lean forward.
Now say "This is my no." Listen to the body. It should tilt back.

Now you can ask questions and get answers from your body. And know that it definitely does not lie! It just doesn't know it's possible. It is and performing its physiological functions, it always strives for a harmonious state.

How to identify negative attitudes? 4 levels of beliefs.

I can immediately write that some of those negative attitudes that are given below may seem strange and even incomprehensible. The fact is that each of us has our own personal experience, the experience of our ancestors, the collective experience, the experience of past lives, and so on. There are 4 levels of belief in ThetaHealing.

Basic level of beliefs. Beliefs at this level are what we have been taught in our lives. What we have accepted since childhood and it has become a part of us.

Genetic Level of Beliefs. Beliefs of this level we receive from ancestors or they are added to genes during our life.

Historical level of conviction. Beliefs at this level refer to past life memories or deep genetic memory or collective consciousness experiences that we bring into the present.

Soul level. Beliefs on this level are all that a person is. To work at this level, the practitioner addresses the very soul of a person, the very essence of this person.

Where do negative beliefs (negative attitudes) come from?

Most often from childhood. A child is born and begins, like a sponge, to absorb everything that the people around him, the surrounding space, broadcast to him. On the basis of this information, a basic system of values ​​is formed in a person at an early age - a character, in accordance with which he builds his future life.

So, the beliefs that are presented below are the beliefs that I have identified while working with other people. Some of them may indeed seem very strange, but each person has his own experience. Identifying and digging out negative beliefs, attitudes, and even more so on your own, is quite painstaking work that requires great awareness. Therefore, by testing installations from other sources, you can significantly speed up the process of "clearing" your subconscious from these weeds.

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Negative attitudes blocking love, personal life, creating a family.

Negative attitudes about men / women:

The first block of negative attitudes (beliefs) are negative attitudes about men / women. Unfortunately, it happens that relationships with the opposite sex often bring not only joy, but also a lot of negative experiences. As a result, some of the following beliefs may be present in the unconscious.

• All men are bastards.
• Men are womanizers.

I would like to immediately clarify that the belief: “There are womanizers among men” is a normal belief. Since it is true that among men there are womanizers and there is no point in canceling it. God is their judge. Let them "walk". But the belief: "All men (men) are womanizers" - this is already a negative belief that should be worked with.

• All men are goats.
• All men change.
• Men are dirty, lustful animals.
• Men only want sex.
• Men are not interested in anything other than sex.
• Men are only interested in eating, sleeping, having sex. (So ​​her mother said to one of my clients. And literally, it sounded like this: "Your father only needs to eat, sleep, have sex." If you decide to work on your beliefs, then remember what and with what words your parents or faces told you their substitutes.)
• Men only eat and sleep.
• Runs after everyone.
• Not a single skirt will be missed.
• Fuck everything that moves.
• Men are animals (animals, creatures...).
• Only those who have no choice remain faithful.
• Faithful men do not exist in nature.
• Men seek women only to assert themselves.
• Men seek women not in order to build a family, create relationships, but to amuse their EGO. assert yourself.
• Men are only interested in their EGO and their ambitions, and they do not care about the feelings of a woman.
• For a man, the most important thing is that his friends envy him.
• Men don't care about women's feelings.
• Men take out their anger for their failures on women (wives, children, weaker people, and so on).
• Men are rude, rude and disrespectful to their women (wives, children, weaker people). Such attitudes can arise in a woman who was brought up in a family where her father suppressed her mother. Perhaps he also demanded strict, even unquestioning obedience to himself. And severely punished for every wrongdoing.
• This is a sign of maleness (a real man) to assert itself on the weaker ones. (NU women who are attracted to the "bad guys")
• Real men, real males, always assert themselves on the weaker ones.
• To assert itself on the weaker ones is a sign of masculinity.
• The strong always bully the weak.
• I assert myself on the weaker, spreading rot on the weakest - he shows his dominance and superiority.
• For a man to show feelings is a sign of weakness.
• I condemn men who cry.
• A real man should be rude, tough, cruel.
• A real man is like a flint. Should not show their feelings.
• At the first difficulties in a relationship, men leave.
• The men are alcoholics.
• All men drink alcohol.
• All men are alcoholics.
• All real men drink alcohol.
• Men don't know how to love.
• Men are disgusting.
• Men are selfish.
• Men are the only problem.
• A normal man is hard to find.
• There are no normal men left.
• There are no real men left.
• Men are completely gone these days.
• From men, one concern.
• Men are the only problem.
• Men are nothing but trouble.
• I'm unhappy because of men (men).
• It's best not to mess with men.
• It's better not to mess with men at all.
• It's easier without men.
• It's easier without men.
• Freer without men.
• No men - no problem.
• Men are dangerous.
• Men are aggressive.
• I am disgusted with men.
• I'm afraid of men.
• A beloved man is such a judge who needs to pass the exam with excellent marks.
• In the presence of a man who likes (beloved man), I must be perfect in everything. (Women with demanding fathers may have these or similar attitudes. For one of my clients, her father demanded that she be perfect in everything. Any pimple on her face was a cause for scandal. As an adult, she unconsciously perceived any man she liked, as a strict examiner and tried to be perfect in everything in his presence, which caused severe internal tension and big problems with her personal life.)
• I have to adapt to the man.
• I have to please the man.
• I have to please a man.
• A man and his interests are in the first place for me.
• I have to be like a man wants to see me.
• I have to convince a man that he will be fine with me.
• If I cannot convince a man that he will be fine with me, then he will not want to be with me.
• I have to impose myself on a man.
• If I cannot show, convince a man that he will be fine with me, then he will go to another woman.
• I put pressure on men.

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• I suppress men.
• I am smarter than any of the men.
• Men are stupid.
• If I like this man, then all the women around him like him.
• I'm afraid of relationships with men.
• I'm afraid to let men near me.
• Men love those who do not love them.
• For a man to love you and be with you, you cannot love him.
• Men like helpless women.
• Men love helpless women.
• In order to be loved, I must become helpless
• I despise men.
• I despise alcoholics.
• I despise men who drink alcohol.
• I despise weak men.
• If a man earns less than me, then he is not a man.
• I despise weak men.
• I despise men who earn less than me.
• I do not accept the love of a man.
• I reject the love of a man.
• The love of a man is dangerous to me.
• • All women are whores.
  • I am disgusted with women.
  • I am afraid of women.
  • Dads are stupid.
  • All misfortunes are due to women.
  • From women only misfortunes.
  • Women are either smart or beautiful.
  • For women, the main thing is money.
  • Women are only interested in money.
  • Women only like rich men.
  • There are no smart women.
  • Women hang themselves on rich men (men).

  Negative attitudes, talking about the idealization of personal life.

  Idealization is some super-valuable idea, a very important expectation for us. And if something in life does not happen in accordance with this "expectation", then negative experiences arise, which block the coming into life of what is desired. In this case, family, relationships and everything related to personal life.

  • I give a man too much importance in my life. (If the answer is "yes", then this means that there is an "idealization" of men, relationships, family and everything connected with this)
  • I attach too much importance to my personal life.
  • Life without a man is incomplete.
  • A woman cannot live without love (love for a man, relationships, family, children).
  • A woman cannot be happy without love (love for a man, relationships, family, children).
  • A woman cannot live without a relationship.
  • The man must be.

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  • A woman cannot feel complete without a man (family, relationships).
  • If I don't think about a man, he will never appear.
  • If I think about something other than men and relationships, then I will never have them (men and relationships).
  • A real, fulfilling life will begin only after a man appears in my life.
  • I condemn single (divorced, unmarried) women.
  • Unmarried (divorced) women are second-rate women.
  • A woman without a man is not a woman.
  • If I stop thinking about him, then the connection between us will be interrupted. (For women who are obsessed with some man)

  Negative attitudes about family and family life.

  • When a family and children appear, life will begin to come to an end.
  • When a family and children appear, this will mean that youth is over.
  • Family, children, home, successful work - it's all so boring and dull.
  • Family, children, home - this is too big a responsibility for me.
  • The family limits freedom too much.
  • The appearance of a family and children means the end of a fun, free life.
  • It is difficult for men and women to understand each other.
  • It is difficult for men and women to get along together.
  • It is difficult for men and women to be happy together.
  • While the woman is working, the man is having fun.
  • The woman pulls everything on herself.
  • In the family, the woman pulls everything on herself.
  • A woman is better when a man is not at home. (The mother of one of my clients constantly told how happy and free she was when her father was not at home.)
  • I will not be able to create a happy family.
  • I won't be able to create a happy family.
  • I'm not made for marriage.

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  • It's better not to get married at all.
  • I must obey the man.
  • A wife must obey her husband.
  • A wife must obey her husband in everything.
  • For men, children are a burden.
  • For men, the family is a burden.
  • Money and family compete in my life with each other.
  • Money and family are rivals.
  • Money replaces my husband and children.
  • I can bring more value to the world if I don't have a family and children.
  • It is difficult for a strong, self-sufficient woman to get married.
  • If a woman can do everything herself, then she does not need a man.
  • Self-sufficient, confident women are lonely, they are too strong and they do not need anyone.
  • I can do everything myself, so I don't need anyone.
  • If I can do everything myself, then why do I need a man.
  • I can do everything myself, so I don't need a man.
  • There is nothing worse than divorce.
  • Divorce is a disgrace.

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  • Marriages are made in heaven, and therefore divorce is sinful.
  • Divorce is a sin.
  • If I become myself, I will never get married.
  • My strength, my abilities and my potential scare men away.

  Now the logical question is what to do with these negative attitudes. I dig and reverse them through Theta Healing. After that, I teach a person how to live without these attitudes and fears associated with them (I will write all this in subsequent publications), and then I upload the corresponding feelings. I highly recommend learning ThetaHealing to anyone who works independently. Take at least a basic course to learn how to do all this without outside help.

  Those who do not want to study theta-healing for any reason or do not have the financial opportunity - you can write to This email address is being protected from spambots. You must have JavaScript enabled to view. with the topic of replacing NU and we will communicate personally. Consultations are conducted via skype or viber. The consultation also uses elements of art therapy, sand therapy, body therapy, transactional analysis and much more. Let life become brighter and more interesting! For residents of the Dnieper, personal consultations are possible. The first consultation is free.

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  What's stopping you from getting married?

  What are the barriers, barriers and restrictions on the way to a happy personal life. Why is it impossible to create a family, keep a man, build harmonious relationships? How to overcome any difficulties and obstacles on the way to a happy personal life. Conversations with Alexander Sviyash. Conversation number 8.

  Useful materials:

  How to identify your negative beliefs.

  How does the subconscious influence our lives?

  Mikhail Efimovich Litvak. Writer. Psychologist.

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