Examples of the manifestation of Tactlessness

Tactlessness is manifested in the form of an inability to measure one's own words, feelings, intonations and actions with the behavior of the Society of other people. This is the inability to choose the right moment for communication, which causes an unpleasant moment for the interlocutor.

A tactless person, as a rule, does not have malicious intent, but acts at the wrong time and at the wrong time. To come for advice to a busy person and insist on an immediate solution to their problems. Seek reassurance from someone who has already suffered from this.
Scold the female gender at the wedding. Invite a tired and just arrived home person for a walk.
Start telling everything from the beginning when the essence of the matter is already understood by the audience. Try to quarrel the parties wishing to reconcile in the arbitration court. Starting to dance, drag a not yet drunk neighbor along with you.

Characteristics of Tactlessness and combinations

Tactlessness without a brain, thoughtless and lazy. Most often, these are automatic retaliatory or deliberate actions. This is selfishness in feelings for other feelings, visual indifference to the emotions of others.
Tactlessness is absolutely indifferent to the subtleties of people's perception, the vulnerability of their hearts.
Tactlessness projects all its negative personality traits onto others. The combination with impudence and rudeness increase the hostility of the behavior of such a person.
In combination with Greed and Envy, it will manifest itself in the form of ridicule of Greed and Envy in others.

There are no taboos for tactlessness and it shamelessly spreads about intimate relationships and sensitive issues of people.
Tactlessness, as the lack of a sense of tact, measure and taste, suits outsiders with a sincere cry, who trusted her to people, shows importunity, burdening everyone with their revelations.

Tactlessness combined with Intrusiveness, wants to be in the spotlight, look cheerful, witty and resourceful in the eyes of others. To sting a person in which tactlessness does not spare the Ego and Dignity of other people.
Unceremoniously imposed their opinion and taste. Roughness allows for harsh, irresponsible judgments.

Distinctive words in the speech of a tactless person are nonsense, stupidity, nonsense.

In a word, he wants the best, but it turns out, as always, a bad interlocutor. Tactlessness arises where there is a conflict with one's own Self.
Once in the spotlight in an unusual environment, Tactlessness tends to lose himself, disorients.
When tension builds up, a tactless person gives out everything that the subconscious mind throws in the most negative way, and negative energy in the form of offensive words that are born by themselves. Often, it is impossible to stop this fountain of nasty things by the forces of the person himself.

Unconscious manifestations of tactlessness

Our unconscious manifestations of Tactlessness are also a kind of Goal-Achievement strategies that the unconscious uses to express our hidden desires, unconscious impulses and feelings, usually held back by the Inner Self.

Correct Behavior and Response to Faux-pas

If a tactless person is in an educated and socially moral environment, then the answer to his barbs can be a significant silence of people. A technique to stop a tactless person might be a phrase like: "Something you're not in the mood today" or "You really need to rest."

Dishonesty in family relationships

The most common manifestations of tactlessness are in family relationships.

The secrecy of a woman's character causes distrust and tactlessness in a man.
When a woman is closed to her husband, that is, does not tell him what worries her, what she fears, what she doubts, the man begins to behave tactlessly and rudely.

And of course, on the contrary, if a woman begins to think that a man has also become secretive, she herself becomes tactless and cold.

The beginning of the collapse and destruction of family relationships is Secrecy and reciprocal tactlessness

As soon as a woman attributed secrecy to her husband, she immediately turns into a tactless beast and shows excessive suspicion and incredulity.
Male tactlessness is manifested in doubts about the Purity of a woman and her fidelity.
In the case of constant secrecy, the wife in his ideas begins to appear in the form of a depraved woman.

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“When will you get married? Why don't you have a baby? What does your tattoo mean? Do you know that vegetarianism is bad? Anna Zlatkovskaya recalls all the dumbest questions that can be heard from her neighbor, and comes to the conclusion that tactless people do not care about our feelings. Their task is to knock us out of the saddle, to make us doubt our own worth.

Most people of our nationality have a typical feature - tactlessness. Although, perhaps, I got excited, making this property a national spot, but since my communication takes place with a typical Belarusian, I say it as I see it. I will not pour statistical data and try to develop this issue to some psychological depths. I am an ordinary girl, okay, a woman of thirty-two years old - I express, no, I shout about what is really humanly tired. Tactlessness.

Why are you so skinny?
I'll start with the first example. I am a slim girl. Even too much. Weight ranges from 42 to 45 kilograms. I confess: in a strong wind I hold on to my bag. In the institution where I worked for a long time, I was not carried by an elevator. It has a certain weight limiter so that children do not ride in the elevator without adults. So I, an adult aunt, was also gratefully ignored by the elevator. I'm not anorexic, just a fragile creature that doesn't eat sweets. I do not like. My weight suits me, my grandmother and mother are also of small stature and weight, I don’t observe any deviations in myself. But many ladies who meet on my way, to their horror (and to mine too), note that I am too thin. This is communicated to me in a straightforward manner by asking: “When will you finally get better?”, “How thin can you be?”, “When will you start eating?” - in general, the variability is changing, but not the annoying fact of my thinness. I must, apparently, justify myself, how dare I be so skinny. A few thoughts come to my mind. First, is it proper to ask such questions at all? Weight, hair color and appearance is always a purely personal matter, and does not concern others. The second thought: why do these people think that they can show me that my complexion does not suit them. I don’t approach them with the phrases: “Why are you so fat, do you eat a lot?”

When will you have a baby?
The second example is children. I think many girls will join me with this little tragedy: the question “When will you give birth?” It is asked by relatives, work colleagues, a familiar cashier in a store. You give birth to the first - they will ask about the second. When asked about children, you are forced to either make excuses, or lie, or tell the truth to a complete stranger. Someone deliberately does not want children, someone had a sad experience. The most disgusting thing in such a situation is that we are talking about the tactlessness of women, who, by nature, should seem to have sensitivity. So, one of my close friends, Alya, became pregnant at the age of twenty, gave birth, but the child died. It took Alya eleven years for her desire to become a mother to visit again. Without horror in the eyes and stomach cramps at the thought that this nightmare could happen again. All these years she had to answer questions from people unaware of her tragedy, when will she become a mother, the years go by! Can you imagine what it's like? Things like the death of a child are not talked about at every crossroads. Another friend, Svetlana, has not been able to get pregnant for two years now. Experiencing, but not reflecting. Get only these most tactless comments. So, when she was once again told: “Why don’t you give birth to children?”, She answered: “I don’t give birth, because it doesn’t work out!” The questioner immediately hesitated, became embarrassed and immediately began to feel sorry for Svetlana. In pity, by the way, she did not need at all. I am absolutely sure that it is categorically impossible to climb to people with questions about their appearance, personal life, death and religion.

Do you know that vegetarianism is bad?
Somehow we gathered in a large company, in which friends bring friends: you pull your own, and now there are a lot of you, unfamiliar acquaintances. Barbecue, sausage, tomatoes, summer, cottage, good. One young man refused barbecue, explaining that he was a vegetarian. And then many began to ask him: “Do you wear substitute shoes?”, “And what, is the belt the same?”, “What, you feel sorry for the animals?”, “You are not afraid to get sick, you know what a lack of protein in the body leads to ? Looking at the guy, I saw that he heard it for the thousandth time. Cracking a cucumber, he waited for the questions to end. How difficult it is in our environment to be yourself and have a position! You are not doing anything wrong, but for some reason you are obliged to report to society. Someone will ask: what's wrong with questions? If you're just curious? I will answer - it is simply interesting for children under five years old, who learn the world with the help of adults. This is not appropriate for adults. Interesting? Read on the Internet, go to the library, ask for an audience with the object you are interested in, but do not expose everything in this way, as if a person is under interrogation, if you are in a friendly company.

Why don't you drink?
Another striking example. A colleague complained to me that many of his friends stopped communicating with him when he stopped drinking alcohol. I once met with friends, ordered tea - and it began. “Hey buddy, what happened? Why don't you drink? Encoded? Are you sick? What do you talk about if you don't drink? These questions haunted him everywhere, in any company, for any reason. And friends after all and not alcoholics at all. But from their point of view, a person cannot abruptly stop drinking alcohol without an important reason. Obliged to explain. "Well, at least one glass!" If you do not drink, you are suspected of some terrible disease, which you are silent about. The colleague was not sick, he simply decided to live an alcohol-free life. He became a father, he really wanted to have a clear, sober mind and be a full-fledged assistant to his wife. But in our society it is not customary to accept people who are different from the masses. You need to be constantly on the alert. Are you different? Justify!

What does your tattoo mean?
It seems to many that if you got a tattoo, then from now on you are a TV man: look at me, ask questions! I have a tattoo on my arm. Inscription. One woman twisted my arm in order to memorize the inscription and search the Internet for what it means. Because I refused to reveal the secret of my tattoo, she considered me a nasty person who let in an incomprehensible mystery. A friend complained that she was also tired of the questions “What does your tattoo mean? When are you going to hit the next one? You all suffer from the blue disease, we know!” One little girl about seven years old pulled up her sleeve to better see what kind of drawing she had there. A friend made a remark to a curious girl, to which she heard from the mother of the child: “What did you want? She's interested!" That is, you are obliged to entertain all the curious around, even let them climb under the T-shirt. It's okay, it's my own fault.

Where does this vicious desire to question every manifestation of individuality come from in our people? People who dare to differ from others in their appearance become circus clowns, designed to entertain the idle crowd, causing ridicule and curiosity.

I remember how, in the sixth grade, in front of my classmates, the teacher of Russian language and literature asked me why I was so tastelessly dressed. Like, how did such a smart girl dare to dress so ugly? I was dressed normally, I just had my mother's clothes on, they were two sizes too big. We then lived in poverty, there was barely enough money for food, and there is nothing to say about buying clothes. I didn't tell my teacher about all this. I kept silent. But it was very embarrassing. Tactless people don't care about your feelings. Their internal task is to knock you out of the saddle with their action, to make you doubt your own significance.

Why don't you baptize the child?
Unfortunately, it is not always possible to resist someone else's tactlessness. Silence, evasiveness, a smile are a good weapon in this strange war against lack of culture. But sometimes you have to give up. So I gave up when it came to the baptism of the child. Now I will talk about my understanding of religion, so I warn especially sensitive believers that I am expressing my point of view and I am not trying to offend anyone or anything. As soon as I hinted that I would not baptize my son, I was sharply attacked by relatives. I learned that my son would not have a guardian angel, he would be constantly sick, he could be jinxed, he would not go to heaven. "Why?" they asked me loudly. The thing is, I don't believe in any of the above. If angels exist, then every person has them from birth. And no rituals, sacrifices, pandemoniums will help you get to heaven. If there is something good after our death, then it can be earned without harming anyone.

All church rites, or rather baptism, reminds me of some subtle psychological move, similar to the concept: if you are not with us, then you are not in a party. It's like going to a fancy nightclub in ballet shoes. You don't get through, baby. Face control, things like that.

I do not want to believe in a world where rituals are more important than a person and his soul. But when I imagined that all my life I would have to answer the question about baptism, to defend my point of view, naturally, offending my deeply believing relatives, I realized that I would lose. Every time my child gets sick, I will be reminded that it is my fault. Why? That is why I am writing this article about our tactlessness, where people consider themselves entitled to climb into our lives, like cats in bed, without asking. And I'll just get tired in this senseless war of religions and opinions. I christened my son. I decided if it was harmless, then so be it. Now it’s enough for the question “Did you baptize your son?” - answer "Yes". But the difference in worldviews is normal. They prove theorems in mathematics, and not their own vision of life order.

When will you get married?
The crown of all this tactless outrage is the eternal "When will you get married?" As one friend of the screenwriter puts it - a control shot in the head. The most unbearable thing in this situation is that the person asking this question, in principle, guesses about his stupidity and trouble. That the girl will have to somehow get out, make excuses, answering him. But this is already a kind of sadistic game, I won’t call it otherwise, to look the victim in the face and enjoy the process. Observe, scratching your face with your eyes, catching the slightest signs of embarrassment and defenselessness. The game goes on for a long time, more than one generation of women has grown up on this issue. The only way to stop this outrage, it seems to me, is to answer the question with a question: “What is your business?” During the period of spring beriberi or on Valentine's Day, you can even swear. As in Saudi Arabia, hands were cut off for theft, so here you can only beat off the desire to interfere in your own business only in a tough way. Communication between people should be easy, without the desire to offend, without obscene curiosity in its simplicity. Tactless questions can offend a person, not knowing about some inner pain, drive especially vulnerable people into depression, and confuse cultured and educated people.

I mentioned that tactlessness is our national trait - a kind of simplicity that we are often proud of. In any case, the examples I cited took place here in our day. Once, putting a person in the place who asked me one of the above questions, I heard, I quote: “What was it that I asked? What to be offended by. I'm good."

There is no excuse for this. None. People, please stop asking questions that only concern you. Learn to be educated. Paul Heise (German writer, 1830–1914) has a saying: “You protect yourself from the heartless by not showing them your heart. Stupid people can still be useful to you, because after all, everyone knows and can do something, but if tactless people surround you, then this can bring you to complete despair.

A PHOTO Getty Images

A person suffering from depression is often told: “Pull yourself together, in the end!”. To the abandoned wife - "Don't worry, you will find yourself better!" Victim of bullying on the Internet - “It's my own fault! Draw your own conclusions! Thus, people sometimes try to express sympathy for those who feel bad, to support them, to help - not noticing the inappropriateness and tactlessness of their statements, states the social psychologist Juliana Brains 1 . Their tactlessness, explains Brains, is that they underestimate or even devalue the experience of another person and the complexity of his problem. Sheryl Sandberg, a member of the board of directors of Facebook, recently wrote about this in her post on the social network. This year she lost her husband, and her fast was dedicated to the end of shloshim - a 30-day mourning, adopted in the Jewish tradition. Cheryl says how painful it is for a bereaved person to say things like "Everything will be fine": "When a person shows real empathy, he does not say that everything will be fine - he admits that now everything is not good at all."

Another version of the tactless statement, notes Juliana Brains, is an attempt to make a person responsible for something that is actually beyond his control. In this sense, it is tactless to tell a person with depression that it is his choice to be in such a depressed state, that he should just "pull himself together." It sounds as if he himself is to blame for his illness.

Six reasons for tactlessness

1. They don't know what it is. If there have been no particular difficulties in a person's life, or if he himself has never encountered that particular problem that makes his interlocutor suffer, it is difficult for him to put himself in his place. As Sheryl Sandberg admits, before she lost her husband, she never knew what to say to people in trouble. Sympathy for people experiencing physical pain is much higher for those who have experienced it themselves. As a rule, people who have experienced serious problems in their personal lives are more sympathetic to those who find themselves in a similar situation than those who have not gone through it.

2. They had to go through a similar experience, but this experience is in the past. It would seem that this is obvious: if a person himself once went through certain trials, he would rather empathize with someone who faced something similar. In fact, sometimes it's the other way around. People who successfully coped with a traumatic situation (such as bullying) then treated the victims of a similar collision much more harshly than those who did not experience it themselves. Apparently, in retrospect, their own victory did not seem so difficult to them.

3. They do not want to imagine themselves in such a situation. Suppose a person has not experienced anything similar. But can he just imagine what it's like to be in such a difficult situation? Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. Empathy hurts, which is why some of us try to "look out." Experiencing stress at the sight of other people's experiences, a person sometimes becomes less responsive; his first concern is to reduce his own stress, and not to support someone who is ill. His hurtful words are nothing more than an attempt to downplay the seriousness of the problem.

4. They want the problem to disappear quickly. There seems to be nothing wrong with advice and recommendations. But the fact is that some problems don't have easy solutions - and in some cases there are no solutions at all. Someone who feels bad most likely needs care and understanding, and not instructions on what to do. But advisers are often aimed specifically at solving someone else's problem - this helps them feel useful and thus get rid of the painful feelings associated with other people's difficulties.

5. They don't want to feel vulnerable. We are very upset when, roughly speaking, something bad happens to good people. The very thought of this is so traumatic that we try to convince ourselves that the victim is somehow responsible for the bad things that happened to him. But this is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, a person feels less vulnerable, on the other hand, he becomes less responsive.

6. They just say what they say. It happens that people really want to express sympathy and support, but they do not have enough words. Not knowing what to say, they grab at some stamp like “Never mind” or “Everything will get better” - and achieve the opposite effect: all these platitudes do not allow a person to feel warmth and support.

When we are suffering, kind-hearted people may make hurtful remarks about us. But if we understand why they do it, we may not be so hurt. Usually such words say more about these people themselves than about us.
Those who really want to help sometimes need a little nudge in the right direction by answering them, for example: “I would also really like to believe that everything will be okay, but in this moment My situation is too uncertain. Or: “I really appreciate your advice, but right now it’s more important for me that you just hug me.” Feel free to explain things to people that they don't understand, such as that depression is not a weakness of will, but a disease, or that there is no common time frame for grieving.

And what can we ourselves, as kind-hearted people, do to be more sensitive in such situations, instead of boringly repeating all these well-known “you must not ...”, “you must not ...”? First of all, be aware that our ideas about what a person experiences, why he experiences and what he needs are not necessarily correct. When in doubt, don't be afraid to ask questions and honestly admit that you don't know or don't understand something. And if you happened to say faux pas and you were given to understand it, do not brush it off, think about what the person wants to tell you, instead of getting defensive. Your blunder does not mean that you are a bad person. We are all in this sense not without sin.

1 Juliana Breines has a doctorate at the University of California at Berkeley (USA), works at Brandeis University (USA), co-author of the blog “Psych Your Mind: Applying Psychology to Everyday Life”.

No matter how much I have to communicate with people about their or other people's feelings, the same amount I have to deal with various myths and stereotypes. Take, for example, such a feeling as tact, and its opposite - tactlessness.

Here are the definitions given to us by the Internet.

Tact- from the Latin tactus - touch, feeling, touch. A sense of proportion, suggesting the right attitude, approach to someone, something; the ability to behave appropriately.

Tact (tact, sense of tact, sense of proportion; lat. tactus - touch, touch, feeling) - the ability to behave in accordance with accepted etiquette and ethical standards. People with a sense of tact are called tactful. Tact implies not only simple adherence to the rules of behavior, but also the ability to understand the interlocutor and avoid situations that are unpleasant for others.

Tact- this is a sense of proportion that must be observed in a conversation, in personal and official relationships, the ability to feel the boundary beyond which, as a result of our words or actions, resentment begins in the person with whom we communicate.

I liked one definition that I once heard: "tactlessness is the laziness of the soul." From the point of view of psychology, when we talk about tactlessness, we mean violation, intrusion into other people's boundaries. Tactless people violate the boundaries of the people around them with their words and actions. What is this about? Each of us has our own psychological boundaries, the space that we consider personal and are ready to protect. Depending on the degree of closeness with a particular person, we let him into our boundaries. From this point of view, any question related to my psychological boundaries can be regarded as an invasion of personal space.

Usually, when asking a question or deciding to do something, people put themselves in the place of another, evaluate how this can be perceived and interpreted. However, in life there are those who think little about the consequences of their words and actions. Folk wisdom says: in the house of a hanged man, they don’t talk about the rope. Thereby hinting that any such words can cause unpleasant associations and feelings.

The sense of tact can also be attributed to a cultural phenomenon. Each society and nationality has its own characteristics. For some peoples, it is customary to hug when meeting, for other peoples, this can pass for an insult. It is impossible not to take into account the customs of the places where you are.

Can be compiled hit parade of tactless questions, which most often women hear in their address:

1. How old are you? Women experience their age differently, and for some, this can be a painful issue.
2. Why are you still not married? Interestingly, at this moment the questioner assumes that the woman should tell him about all her unsuccessful relationships, the pain of parting and disappointment? Or talk about the complexity of the current relationship? Or maybe she can start proving that she has the right to feel like a full-fledged and accomplished woman without being in a marital relationship?
3. Why don't you have kids? Does the answer mean a detailed epicrisis about the patient's state of health or a colorful description of intimate life? What is the calculation?
4. And how much do you get? How much was your purchase? Just about someone else's hands will reach into your wallet, a little more and the tax inspector will personally ring your doorbell.
5. Why don't you try a new diet (I know it helps)? You've improved a lot! No one will ask about how many unsuccessful attempts have already been, at what cost they got it, how much disappointment and shame this topic brings with it. Thank you, "good man", you burn in hell!
6. Did you have anyone before me? I wonder if a man really wants to hear the truth? So, in all seriousness, he expects to receive an answer?

But there is a reverse side of the coin. Sometimes we are so afraid of being tactless, so worried that it can be misinterpreted, that we forget about our own comfort. And again, our psychological boundaries will be violated, but at our will, because we are ashamed to seem tactless.

Here is one example I heard from a woman. Her main problem is precisely that she does not know how to defend her boundaries. At sessions of therapeutic massage with a man, she sometimes felt touches that could be interpreted as sexual (stroking the buttocks, abdomen, thighs). But she was afraid to seem tactless and to voice the fact that she was embarrassed and unpleasant such touches. She was afraid to offend the doctor by accusing him of harassment. She was surprised to discover for herself the right to speak directly about what she does not like.

An example is another woman who was riding in a taxi with a smoking driver and an open window. She was embarrassed to ask him to stop smoking and close the window from which she blew into the back seat. She did not dare to tell him about it, but got out of the taxi, angry and annoyed with herself, because she had to endure the whole journey.

I quite often have to deal with the inability of women to defend their boundaries, including sexual ones. Such women prefer to take care of the spiritual comfort of others, rather than their own well-being. They are ashamed to state directly what they do not like or do not like. It takes a long time to accustom to a seemingly banal, but very useful thought: you have a right!

It is important to think about other people's boundaries and not forget about your own.

Arseniy Volodko- psychologist, psychotherapist, hr-consultant, blogging about psychology, psychotherapy and relationships adnosiny.by. Creates hr-brands and develops corporate culture. He believes that psychotherapy is not a craft, but a way of life.

Tactlessness as a quality of a person is the inability to know the measure in communicating with people, allowing words and actions that are unpleasant for others, always and everywhere to be out of place, out of place. accept the usual manner of communication for this group of people; inability to measure one's own words, feelings, intonations and actions with their counterparts in other people.

There were many guests at the wedding. Everyone prepared their own gift. It's time to give and celebrate. Some brought gifts, others - money, others - memories and kind words. Everything went on as usual. One guest came with a guitar - he wanted to congratulate the young with a song. After its performance, everyone clapped, not because the song was good, but simply sincere people gathered. The singer sang more, the people clapped again. And then he sang and sang, was unstoppable. If, he was interrupted, the soloist was offended and ... sang again. The wedding turned into a bad concert. The audience realized that it was impossible to stop this pressure of music. They forced the guitarist to drink a glass of vodka after each song performed. Soon the musician wilted, and the wedding went on as usual.

The characterization of tactlessness on specific examples was given by the ancient Greek philosopher Theophrastus in his "Characteristics". According to Theophrastus, tactlessness is the inability to choose the right moment for communication, which causes trouble to the interlocutor. A tactless person does not have malicious intent, but acts at the wrong time and at the wrong time. Theophrastus gives the following examples of tactless actions: to come for advice to a busy person; break in with a drunken crowd to a sick lover; apply for suretyship to the person already affected by the suretyship; appear in court as a witness when the case has already ended; vilify the female sex at the wedding; invite a tired and just arrived home person for a walk; bring a buyer offering a higher price to the seller after the sale has already taken place; start telling everything from the beginning when the essence of the matter is already understood by the audience; come for interest to the debtor who has just spent on sacrifice; to tell in front of a punished slave how another slave hanged himself from scourging; try to quarrel the parties wishing to reconcile in the arbitration court; starting to dance, dragging a neighbor who is not yet drunk.

Tactlessness is superficial, thoughtless and lazy. It has a lot of automatism and mechanicalness and little reason. Impregnated with selfishness, she is not used to thinking about the feelings and emotions of others, she is alien to the subtleties of perception of people, the vulnerability of their hearts. Tactlessness projects all its manifested personality traits onto others - if impudence and rudeness are inherent in it, it sees the whole world as a bunch of impudent and boors. If she is greedy and envious, then all her jokes and jokes will come down to ridiculing the greed and envy of others. Who about what, and lousy about the bath.

Tactlessness, measuring everyone in its own way, does not recognize the right of others to be different. Like an inveterate trespasser, she unceremoniously invades other people's lives, not respecting modesty, shyness and modesty. They say about a tactless person: “Nature has given him so much respect for people that he only needs it for himself.” Pitying the soul, tactlessness does not know how to spare the pride and dignity of other people, imposes its own opinion and taste, allows itself rude, peremptory judgments, such as "nonsense", "stupidity", "nonsense". Even the flaws in the appearance of people do not stop her from killing "shots" in the heart. She easily climbs into other people's bedrooms and shamelessly spreads about intimate relationships and sensitive problems of people.

Tactlessness, as the lack of a sense of tact, measure and taste, arranges, in front of outsiders, a spiritual striptease for people who trusted her, shows importunity, burdening everyone with her revelations. She wants to be the center of attention, look cheerful, witty and resourceful in the eyes of others. In a word, she wants the best, but it turns out as always - a subtle, pleasant companion does not work out of her.

Tactlessness arises where mind and reason conflict. Being in the center of attention in an unusual environment, she feels a fog in her head, tension grows, because she needs to say something, and her legs are wadded, her hamstrings are shaking, her tongue is in her esophagus. Having gathered herself a little, she begins to give out everything that her restless mind throws at her without censoring the mind. In singing, this is called "give a rooster", and among the people "sit in a puddle." Offensive words are born by themselves. Often, it is not possible to stop this fountain of missteps by the forces of the person himself. If he is in a prudent environment, the answer to his barbs can be a significant silence of people. If this does not help, the owner will gently pat him on the shoulder, like an orderly slaps an agitated patient in a psychiatric hospital, and say: “Something you are not in the mood today? You need to rest". Sigmund Freud in one of his works stated: “Our gaffes are also a kind of strategy that the unconscious resorts to in order to express our hidden desires, unconscious impulses and feelings, usually restrained by the “superego”.

Tactlessness is firmly established in family relationships. The quality of secretiveness in a woman causes faux pas in a man. When a woman does not reveal herself to her husband, that is, does not tell him what worries her, what she fears, what she doubts, the man begins to behave tactlessly and rudely. If a the woman begins to think that the man has also become secretive, she herself becomes tactless and cold . This is how these personality traits work insidiously, as soon as they are turned over, they still work together. As soon as a woman attributed secrecy to her husband, she immediately turns into a tactless beast, sticking her nose into all holes. To show excessive suspicion and incredulity, to climb where you are not asked - this is tactlessness. Male tactlessness is manifested in doubts about her purity and fidelity, that is, the wife in his ideas appears in the form of a depraved woman. In a word, when two ingredients are present: secrecy on the female side, tactlessness on the male side, the marriage begins to collapse.

Petr Kovalev 2013