There were times when parents agreed on the wedding. The newlyweds might not even know each other and, even, do not see each other before marriage. And then there was a tendency to first meet some time before the wedding, so that the future newlyweds could get to know each other, see if they fit in character, views, concepts. Now they practice cohabitation even before the wedding. And rightly so, because first you need to meet, build relationships, get to know each other from all sides. And it is desirable to meet no more than necessary and no less. There is no regulation, no law, no postulates about how long should you date before marriage, but there are recommendations from psychologists.

And marriage and marriage is a very important step in life, which must be approached with full determination and great responsibility. People who understand this are looking for a mate for a long time, but having chosen, they are in doubt for a long time. And there is always a fear that having officially registered your marriage, feelings can fade away and leave, life and other things will bother you. It is scary to make a mistake and connect your life with the wrong person. And first of all, relationships are built in order to make the right choice and not make a mistake.

Family psychologists say that the optimal period of romance, flowers and night walks before the wedding should last at least six months. Some people think it's too short. But it's not. During this period, the couple already manages to recognize themselves in different situations, show their positive and negative qualities, quarrel and see how ready they are for compromises, find ways to reconcile, understand life positions, learn about life priorities, goals. And also during this period they already have time to get acquainted with relatives, look at the social circle.

It often happens that a girl () or a guy () takes falling in love for love and is mistaken. This happens at the age of 18 - 19 years. Therefore, it is not advisable not to marry before this age. During these six months, the couple already has time to understand their love or love. At least one of them, if it is love, will lose interest after six months. And if this is love, then feelings will only intensify, and will motivate you to get married.

A short period brings with it the uncertainty about the future spouse. Without having time to learn enough about each other and having created a couple, you can face so many unpleasant surprises, as in the proverb “the more into the forest, the more toadstools”. This attitude towards marriage and weddings can be called frivolity.

Too long relationships are also not in favor, as they weaken feelings and hinder the development of the couple. They are waiting for something to light them up. They already know all the most intimate things about each other and just go with the flow. It often happens that new acquaintances, career growth and incentives in life lead such a couple to a break.

Summing up the question "?", you can download the following. First, you need to meet for at least six months. Secondly, it is desirable to live together for at least three months. Third, don't get married too early.

Having consulted people for more than a year, I periodically come across this question: “How long should I meet before the wedding?” I heard hundreds of stories that allowed me to form my opinion on this matter. This will not be a recipe for family happiness, but it may save you from some illusions.

When a client or client comes to me and starts talking about their relationship, the first thing I'm interested in is the history of their relationship, as well as the term. And you know

when I hear that the relationship is 4-5-7 years old, and the couple is not yet married, I consider this an alarming symptom. Something is not right in this relationship!

Of course, I'm interested which of the two does not want marriage? As a rule, a man does not want, but it happens the other way around (but very, very rarely). Logically! After all, it is the man who offers his hand and heart, offering to marry him. And the woman chooses or rejects this proposal. A woman always chooses, and a man can only offer.

What's wrong with pre-marriage relationships?

And here you can learn a lot of interesting things about the relationship in a couple. It often turns out that such conversations in a couple periodically arose, but always came to naught. The man deftly turned the conversation in a different direction, citing various arguments, arguments, and talking about grandiose plans for the future. Or he reacted sharply, making it clear that he was “pressed, and he does not intend to endure pressure”

As time went on, the woman tried to raise this issue less and less, so that God forbid not to spoil the relationship, or believed in a bright, but very distant and foggy future, which her man painted for her. Years could pass like this, and the woman even began to believe that their cohabitation is such a modern form of marriage, and the seal in the passport means nothing, or only ruins everything.

If the "stamp" means nothing, then what's the problem to put it? And if the seal in the passport is capable of destroying relationships, then what are these relationships worth?

Dear ladies, if you are reading this text, do not be so naive and stop deceiving yourself!

According to my observations, “protracted relationships” (5 or more years), when a man “gives up” and agrees to marriage under pressure from a woman, are rather doomed to failure. But maybe your case will be an exception? Who knows?..

So how long do you date before marriage?

Let's make it clear right away that marriage is not an end in itself! Marriage is a form of relationship between a man and a woman (I will write in the old fashioned way, meaning heterosexual orientation). So here it is

marriage is a logical and natural continuation of an established relationship!

First, people get to know each other, look closely, communicate, meet, go through the so-called “flower-candy period”. Then people enter into an intimate relationship, thus becoming closer. Then they introduce their partner to their inner circle, becoming a couple in the eyes of others. They may meet periodically at this time, or decide to start living together, it all depends on the situation and moral principles. Their status at this time is a couple. Usually, no one takes an oath of allegiance at this time, hoping that this option is the default. But now is not about that! And having met in the status of a couple for some time, people decide that they are ready to tie their lives, ready to make the final choice and start a family, and subsequently have children.

Marriage is a transition from the status of a couple to the status of husband and wife.

How long should you look closely at a partner before marriage?

In my opinion,

the optimal time to consider a person, to get to know him in various life situations is around two years.

This is not a hard and fast rule, perhaps you are an extremely perceptive person who has learned to understand people, so you are able to learn about a person in less time. God, as they say, help! In the first year, there is a big risk of making a mistake, because “hormones”, a feeling of falling in love, passion and your projections have a strong and even excessive influence on an adequate perception of a partner. But I sincerely do not understand what else you can learn about a person after 3 years of dating?

For three years you cannot answer for yourself the question: “Is this person suitable for me as a husband or wife? Do I want to live with him (her)? Am I ready to have children with this person?

Let's be honest, you don't want a family with this person!

Should relationships end in marriage?

You might think that I insist that all relationships should end in marriage? Absolutely not! The relationship of lovers can continue for as long as you like, as long as it suits both, as long as both voluntarily use each other. Whether to continue to remain in the status of a couple, cohabiting and being lovers, while leading a kind of joint life, is up to you to decide! Want to? Please! Do you not want or has your partner changed his mind? So it's time to end this relationship!

That's the whole story about how long to meet before the wedding?

In the old days, the engagement and marriage of a man and a woman was arranged by their parents. Future spouses might not even see each other until the moment when the words of fidelity were spoken before the altar. Now everything is simpler, boys and girls decide for themselves with whom they will connect their fate. But this does not protect them from error.

Attitude towards marriage has become somewhat frivolous - in modern society, neither civil marriage nor divorce is condemned. But neither of these makes people happy. In order for a life together to bring joy, spouses must have common interests and goals. How long should you meet before the wedding - a month, six months, a year? Psychologists do not give an exact formula.

Optimal time

The minimum time from the date of the first date to the engagement is 6 months. During this time, a man and a woman learn how a partner behaves in a given situation, someone manages to move in and live under the same roof during this time. Love during this time also fades a little and rose-colored glasses subside. And if two people are united only by attraction, then during this time it can fade into the background and third plan. If these are true feelings, they only intensify day by day. That is, six months is more than enough to understand whether they are suitable for each other or not.

If extramarital affairs drag on, this does not bode well. Let's say you've been dating for three years, spending weekends together, celebrating holidays, but prefer to maintain your independence, the likelihood that you will get married tends to zero. If you want to change the situation, you need to get rid of phobias.

Overcoming fear

The main problem in long-term couples is that partners cannot get rid of the fear that As status changes, relationships change as well. and, in a bad way. Even those who already live together have these experiences, and after all, the main destroyer of the family is everyday life.

The second reason for postponing registration indefinitely is fear of making a mistake. This fear usually has roots in the past - a bad relationship experience, problems between parents.

The third reason is reluctance to change anything. Typically, this position is occupied by men. If the romance lasts more than six months, and he did not even make an attempt to introduce his beloved to his parents or friends, most likely these relationships are temporary for him and he does not consider her as a permanent life partner.

When to get married

Dating & Pickup

When to get married

Obviously, there are a huge number of reasons and arguments in favor of marriage for a man. Starting from the desire to have children and possess this woman until the end of her days, ending with the material benefits from such an alliance if the bride's parents are influential people. However, many men ask this question: “And when do you need to marry this girl, when does the maturation period come?”

There are many theories and ideas on this subject, but we will start from the fact that you love this girl and want to marry once and for all, so that later you do not change wives ten times and do not pay alimony to unnecessary aunts. It is this principle that will dominate our explanations.

It is also worth noting that the advice of parents is no longer relevant, since earlier times were different, and people got married in a completely different way. Nevertheless, upbringing and cultural values ​​in the USSR and in Russia have colossal differences. And if so, then it is no longer necessary to compare square with round.

Required time before marriage

Many family experts now put the deadline before the wedding at least six months. This is exactly the period when strong love passes, and the true qualities of a person appear outward. But this is extremely important, since you must be fully aware of what kind of person you want to marry, and what he will be like in your future family life.

You must understand that the characteristic features of a person will increase with age, and if a girl is now trying to scream and behave individually, then with age her screams will increase, and her behavior will not completely depend on your opinion. Fortunately, the same is true with positive traits.

Therefore, you need at least six months to show the true face of the girl and soberly assess your desire to “cooperate” with this woman until the end of your days. We know many cases when a man later changed his mind to the opposite. Remember this!

When You Shouldn't Delay Your Wedding

Unlike men, many girls are well aware that every year their chances of finding a worthy man decrease, and the optimal age for having children will also not wait until a man decides something for himself. Therefore, almost all girls set themselves a period of 3 years before the wedding.

If a man does not have time to make an offer during this period, then the girl, almost on a subconscious level, begins to look for another man for herself, and the moment of parting with the past depends on how quickly the girl finds herself a new one.

The beginning of such a search can be a certain detachment of the girl from the problems of a man, as well as a depressive state, which is expressed by an unwillingness to have fun in any way and do something. After all, how can you have fun when the years go by, and this “goat” bleats about feelings, and does not call for marriage.

What men do wrong: When a girl tells the guy about her departure, the man in a hurry runs for the ring and makes the girl a marriage proposal. Naturally, she no longer needs this, she has already let go of this "pause" with his indecision.

Therefore, if it happens that you find yourself in such a situation, then you do not need to make this mistake. And you need to behave exactly the same as before. You will still have a chance in a couple of months to start a conversation with your girlfriend again and try to drag her to your side: stories about determination and the desire to take a serious step with her. But not at once!

Social security and money

Girls by and large do not care about the possibility or impossibility of a man to marry and support his family. Women are such creatures that they are more likely to trust this to a man and will not even delve into this issue. Therefore, a man needs to decide for himself the question: will he pull the maintenance of the family or not?

As experience shows, almost every man doubts this, even if his income level is several times higher than that of others. In general, you need to have a supply of money for about a year of life in order to boldly take a girl as a wife and start a family together.

Of course, this amount varies from case to case, because somewhere the girls work and get good money, and somewhere the family can help a lot. But you still need to be prepared for the fact that the girl will become pregnant, and you will have to pull the strap in a solo performance.

Parental approval

Although there are situations when parents frankly begin to slander the potential wives of their sons, but most often you need to listen to the opinion of the parents about your girlfriend. Perhaps at some point love closes your eyes, or you do not see the obvious things that, thanks to life experience, parents see clearly.

Therefore, if your parents played a big role in your life, and not just left you to the mercy of fate, then it is advisable to obtain the consent of the parents before marrying some girl.

If such consent is not destined to be obtained, then you need to calmly ask them for reasons, and only then draw a conclusion. If the reasons are objective, then make adjustments and additionally check the girl, and if the reasons are far-fetched, then prepare for the wedding against the wishes of the parents. This is also, unfortunately, not uncommon.

fidelity girl

Unfortunately, many guys are too much influenced by girls and completely fall under their influence. However, you need to remember that a wife should not only be your love, but also your life partner. And if this girl previously gave reasons to doubt her loyalty to you, then we categorically warn you not to do stupid things and not take such a girl as your wife. Experience suggests that if a girl betrayed a particular man at least once, then nothing will stop her from doing it again. So answer yourself honestly to the question: “Can you completely trust this girl or not? When in doubt, don't waste your time!"