What to strive for Just starting to teach young people how to meet girls and seduce them, I did not even know what I was getting myself into. I was young, adhered to the position: “You can’t fuck all women, but you need to strive for this,” and I imposed it on everyone and

What goals should you strive for? There is compelling evidence that striving to realize your dreams is an essential component of happiness. But does it matter what this dream is and how we strive for it? Yes, it is important. It turns out that it depends on what goals or important life

4 "I hate talking to strangers, and why should I?" Most of us have developed a negative attitude towards talking to strangers since childhood. During the years of personality formation, parents could, for example, warn that "outsiders" should be kept away. And these

Why talk to strangers at all? Let's deal with the "why" question first. The word "outsiders" is rather strange in itself. We are all human and we all live on this earth. We all breathe, talk and eat. So, maybe we should perceive "outsiders" simply as people with

If you have ever missed the opportunity to use personal contact with people important to you, heed the advice of Mark Rhodes. It will help you figure out exactly what reasons prevent you from communicating freely in a variety of situations, explain how to make your voice work for you and how to deal with the pitfalls that absolutely always show up when talking face to face. You will be able to change your attitude to communication and look at it as a pleasant process that can change your life for the better. Published in Russian for the first time.

* * *

The following excerpt from the book How to talk to anyone. Confident Communication in Any Situation (Mark Rhodes, 2013) provided by our book partner - the company LitRes.

Part one

Typical fears and barriers that prevent you from talking to absolutely anyone

Fear: Is it holding you back?

Like most people, you must have found yourself in situations where you hesitated to say something or start a conversation. In this case, in front of you there may be a person well known to you, and an unfamiliar one. This is partly due to a lack of the right skills: you just don't know how to strike up or carry on a conversation. But there is another deterrent for many - fear. You may not consider your feelings as fear. Perhaps you call them insecurities, or maybe the moment “seems inappropriate” to you. But no matter how you justify them, it is fear that stops you - no matter how it manifests itself.

It may be worrying about what others think of you, fear that you will look stupid or make a mistake. Finally, it may be the fear of rejection. You're hesitating not because you're afraid to please!

So, what is fear and how can you transform this feeling to act calmly and confidently?

Fear is an emotional response to a situation you are in or imagine. Your thoughts about the situation determine how you feel and the emotions that motivate you to act (or refrain from acting). The quality of the action, in turn, determines the end result, and this, in turn, is reflected in the thoughts that you will later associate with this situation.

Naturally, the same thing happens when you are afraid of something. If you think that everything will go badly, then the situation makes you feel uncomfortable and you are unlikely to be able to show your best side.

Remember the important formula:

What is fear?

Fear is an emotional response to a situation you are in or imagine is possible. This reaction is individual: after all, it happens that in the same situation out of two people only one experiences fear. Fear can also be associated with a "primal" area of ​​consciousness, which, when you submit to it, causes an instinctive reaction: you either fight or flee.

What you are afraid of in everyday life, as a rule, does not pose any threat to life at all, but the primitive area of ​​\u200b\u200bconsciousness does not care much about this. It doesn't matter what kind of situation makes you afraid: you've been asked to stand up and make a presentation, you're talking to a stranger, you're doing something really dangerous, the primal realm of consciousness doesn't care.

Fear responses over time—when we watch our parents react to something, get ourselves into frightening situations, or learn about them from other people—only get stronger. Therefore, in order to reduce the feeling of fear or get rid of it, you must first change the thoughts and feelings in the formula

Thoughts → Feelings → Actions → Results

It is necessary to reduce or get rid of the emotional tension caused by fear, because it is it that keeps you from action.

How scared are you?

When you have to start a difficult conversation or strike up a conversation with a stranger, how scary is that for you? It is important to understand how much fear you experience in a particular situation. Many people do not need to completely get rid of fear in order to gain the ability to act - it is enough just to reduce it to an acceptable level.

Some consider fear in such situations natural and do not back down, even when experiencing moderate or strong fear. For others, very little is enough to stop the action. If you have already achieved something in spite of fear, then you most likely endure fear more easily. When you did what you set out to do, despite the fact that you were scared, you must have convinced yourself that fear is not a reason to retreat and refuse to act.

Release your fear

A very useful exercise that you can start right now is to measure the level of fear you experience in different situations. Once you've established your baseline, you'll be able to measure your progress later on when you act in spite of your fear or do exercises designed to reduce it.

To measure fear, we will use a metric called SUD level, where SUD stands for Subjective Unit of Discomfort. You will take measurements yourself: this is your completely individual scale.

To determine your level of SED in a particular situation, it is not necessary to be in this situation and experience real fear. If you imagine this situation, it will usually be enough to understand how much fear you would experience.

Here is how this method works.

When you find yourself in a situation that inspires fear in you, ask yourself:

“How scared am I? How high is my fear level on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is “It’s not a problem at all, I can do it with ease” and 10 is “I know for sure that I will die if I do this.”

The following step-by-step instructions will help you measure your level of fear.

1. Think back to the last time you were in a situation that made you fearful.

2. Mentally imagine what you saw at that moment.

3. Imagine that you are able to hear any sounds that were then heard, or the words that someone spoke to you, or what you said to yourself.

4. Ask yourself: “How scared was I in that situation on a scale of 0 to 10?”

If you find it difficult to experience fear just by imagining something, put yourself in a fear-inducing situation and measure it.

For example, if you are afraid to talk to strangers, do the following exercise:

1. Go to a crowded place.

2. Tell yourself that you are going to force yourself to talk to someone.

3. Think of what you will say or what question you will ask - even "Could you tell me what time it is, please?"

4. Start moving towards the stranger.

5. Talk to him.

Whether you really talk to him or not, it doesn't matter. The main thing is that you measure your SAD by asking yourself, "How high was my fear level on a scale of 0 to 10?"

It doesn't matter what score you have now. This is just a starting point for you, and only for you. Now, as you work with this book, you will be able to regularly measure your SED level and evaluate your progress.

For some, it is enough to understand that they have a set of skills that allow them to start and maintain a conversation and resolve difficult situations, then they begin to enter into conversations, regardless of their level of fear or the value of the SUD score. For others, fear binds to such an extent that it should be treated with all attention and try to reduce it to an acceptable level on the SED scale. We will now deal with such a case.

Fear and anxiety

It is important to understand the difference between fear and anxiety.

Fear is usually associated with a specific current situation. Let's say you're told, "Get up and tell us what you've been up to this week." If it is unbearable for you to do this, you will experience fear.

Anxiety is somewhat different, although it has symptoms similar to fear and manifests itself in similar sensations. Anxiety is an uneasy feeling associated with a future situation that may never actually take place. Therefore, we are not dealing with fear about something, but with anxiety about something, and for many, this very change in concepts helps to make the situation that they have to go through less frightening.

How to reduce fear or act in spite of it

There are several ways to reduce SED levels. Some people use one way, some others.

1. It can help you learn the right skills in the area you fear. By repeating some actions over and over again, you experience less and less fear, and often it completely disappears. But even if its level does not drop to zero, then for most people a one or two on the SUD scale is already a good enough indicator. A slight fear is natural, normal and completely harmless.

2. Fear is based on ideas about the situation and, as a rule, assumptions about its outcome. One easy way to reduce feelings of fear is to look at the situation differently. Try to imagine the situation that scares you the way you imagine something not scary. For example, I realized that my fear of public speaking grew stronger because I imagined that I would fail. At the same time, I was not afraid of meetings where issues of sales organization were discussed, I liked them. And I realized that I always expected good things from such meetings. Then I decided to apply the same approach to public speaking: I stopped thinking about what could go wrong and developed the habit of imagining that everything would go well. In addition, I have noticed that when I imagine a sales meeting, my inner voice is full of optimism, and when I think about public speaking, it is bleak and dull. I changed this habit too: catching myself talking to myself in a voice full of sadness, I began to mentally repeat the same words, filling my inner voice with optimism. By changing the way you think, you change your feelings, and fear is rooted in them. It may be helpful to consult a hypnotherapist or NLP specialist.

End of introductory segment.

Prior to maternity leave, I worked several jobs where I had to interact with clients and visitors, and I was great at it. I have never been a talker, but to say something smart and to the point is my prerogative.
After being on maternity leave for 3 years, I forgot how to talk to people, not literally, I still know how to speak, but figuratively - it’s difficult for me to communicate with strangers, offer them my products, I have to make an effort on myself to do something then recommend or advise or just chat.

Soon I have to go to work, and I thought about this question, it seems nothing terrible, but it can complicate life quite seriously.
The answer to all my questions was the book How to Talk to Anyone: Confident Communication in Any Situation by Mark Rhodes. It describes in detail our experiences and fears, why we cannot communicate with people freely and comfortably, how and why they appear and how to overcome it.
Most often we are driven by fear, but fear is not reality. It is an emotional reaction that we evoke in ourselves under certain circumstances. It can occur in response to something actually happening, or when we think about something that might yet happen. And, indeed, how many times we play in our head an unpleasant conversation that should take place, and each time it becomes more and more terrible for us, we experience moral suffering, although nothing bad has happened and probably will not happen.
We fear being rejected and driven away, but this rarely happens to adults—almost never. We are our own masters, we make our own decisions and act on our own. If someone does not agree with us or does not approve of our actions, this does not mean that we are wrong. What we do is right for us.

The book offers real advice and ways to overcome our fear, with the help of exercises that can be done here and now, overcoming all negative emotions.

The second part contains a description of the four stages of communicative interaction, thanks to which communication will always be successful and enjoyable.
Then there is learning when and how to strike up a conversation correctly so that it does not become a burden. Teaches you to analyze the situation and appearance, the relevance and inappropriateness of the conversation, how to properly attract attention. People are convinced that talking to people is fun, valuable and beneficial for everyone. For them it's like a game, an adventure: it's interesting to see what happens. You need to develop your own belief system that will serve your purpose.

Of course, I don’t quite agree with the exercise when you have to go into a room, stand in the middle and put your hands on your hips, thereby showing that you are ready for communication - a Russian person will perceive this position differently.

The next step is to get the person interested. You should always try to draw topics for conversation from the words of the interlocutor and the information that he gives you; you need to ask him about it, express opinions or comments on this matter. You can start to change the subject and take the conversation in the direction you want only when there is already a mutual understanding.
By counting on a good outcome, you significantly increase your chances of achieving such an outcome or for the person to make the decision you need. When you expect a good result, your gestures, facial expressions, tone and speech change. This, in turn, is reflected in how the person perceives your words, and he is much more likely to be interested and follow you.

A separate chapter deals with language techniques: tone, pauses, facial expressions and gestures, intonation - everything that will help us make our conversation interesting, useful and unforgettable.

Despite the fact that there are no pictures in the book, it is easy and simple to read, the sentences are clear, not overloaded with professional terms.
After reading, I learned:
1) Do not be afraid to talk with strangers on any topic, and I began to succeed in this.
2) Do not worry about the upcoming conversation and do not scroll through the negative consequences in your head.
3) I stopped worrying about stupid things and if I start, then I pull myself up with words - why are you inventing this for yourself, stop inventing nasty things!
4) Imagine that all conversations and communication are going well, I charge myself with a positive attitude and positive.
I recommend reading for those who want to work or are already working in the field of trade, a lot of useful information for public people who are preparing to conduct and conduct seminars, lectures, training.

Mark Rhodes

HOW TO TALK TO ABSOLUTELY ANYONE

Confident Communication in Every Situation

Published with permission from John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and literary agency Alexander Korzhenevski

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.

© Mark Rhodes, 2013

© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2015

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny and Ron MacMillan

* * *

They say everyone needs a mentor. But I always thought: yes, to everyone except me! I thought I didn't need a mentor. I have enough other sources: books, videodiscs, my own thoughts - I am able to instruct myself!

But just recently I realized why I don't need a mentor: because I already have one!

All this time I had a mentor who supported me when I was overcome by doubts, and encouraged me when it seemed to me that something would not work out for me.

My mentor even helped by believing in me when things got tough and reminding me regularly of all my accomplishments.

In addition to my mentor, I have two other inspirations that encourage me to do more and improve.

Therefore, I lovingly dedicate this book to my mentor and wife, Jackie Rhodes, and, of course, to my two inspirations, our children Holly and James.

Foreword

Frankly, I was a little surprised and puzzled when Mark suggested that I write a preface to his book. You see, I am a make-up, cosmetics, body care and style specialist. So I didn't really understand why Mark asked me to write a foreword for such a book. But then, when I started reading, everything became clear!

As a makeup artist, beautician and stylist, I have been fortunate to work with some of the most beautiful and successful men and women in the world. With those who exude confidence wherever they are - on the red carpet or on stage in front of thousands of spectators!

On the other hand, I have been doing British television image shows for years, where I gave advice and turned ordinary British people from gray mice into chic beauties and beauties. The demand for such shows is unabated... People want make the most of what they have. And it does not have to cost a lot of money, take a lot of time and require huge efforts.

Really chic look and feel like a star given Not only rich and famous… This is an achievable goal that fits into the schedule and budget of any person!

The main thing you need is not the beautiful plump lips of Angelina Jolie and not the relief muscles of Hugh Jackman, but confidence! By identifying and emphasizing your main advantages, you will embark on the path of gaining self-confidence!

How to Talk to Anyone has simple, step-by-step instructions and ideas on how to boost your self-confidence so you can approach anyone in any situation. From dealing with delicate problematic situations at work to breaking painfully awkward silences in an elevator... This easy-to-understand book will help you rethink how you deal with situations that you find difficult, both socially and personally.

I think it will be an excellent travel companion: scrolling through it, you can easily find what you are currently interested in, and, in addition, it outlines the available methods to increase self-confidence in a variety of tricky cases.

This book helps the reader to expand their comfort zone, just as red lipstick could help any woman, or everyday skin care would help any man, if it were not for the good old Fear Factor: “I will never be able to say that!”, "There's no way I can wear this..."

Mark's fresh approach to real everyday situations will instantly translate into your interactions with friends, family and complete strangers. Even I, with my years of public speaking and event experience, found some invaluable advice from him.

Like Mark's sold-out seminars, this book is infused with his sense of humor and enthusiasm, and it gives you the ability to deal with a wide variety of situations, no matter your experience.

Enjoy reading!

Armand Bisley,

international expert in the field of cosmetology and style, make-up artist of world stars

Introduction
Why would you want to talk to anyone

The ability to communicate, talk with people is one of the most important skills that you can develop in yourself. We are constantly talking to someone. Sometimes it's easy, but sometimes communication seems impossible.

This book will introduce you to tools to help you communicate more naturally and effectively. You will become more free to talk with people you know and find out what prevents you from talking with those who you do not know yet. By the end of the book, you will communicate more confidently and more, the communication process will become more intense, and you will begin to achieve the results you are striving for more often.

Part one deals with the fears associated with entering into a conversation, from the fear of rejection to worrying about what they might think of you. You will also learn how to overcome and enjoy the reluctance to socialize with strangers, which many of us have since childhood.

The second part analyzes in detail the four main stages of communicative interaction. You will learn many new skills that will help you get more out of your conversation and communication, such as knowing who to talk to and who not to talk to; how to strike up a conversation; how to make the interlocutor interested in what you want to say; how to direct the conversation with him in your preferred direction.

Part three is a master class on further improving communication skills, on working on voice and other conversational techniques. I'll also cover how to get around common pitfalls and how to build a difficult conversation, such as telling the person you've made a mistake or asking them to do something for you.

But armed with all this information, you will, of course, have to move on to action: get out of your shell and start connecting with people. As a result, you can talk to absolutely anyone - if, of course, you want to!

The essence of communication is understanding

The person you are talking to needs to feel that you understand him, and, of course, he must understand you too. Only by reaching a mutual understanding can you achieve real success and establish closer contact.

Information transmitted during communication has two main levels.

1. Basic information: the words you say and the immediate meaning that the interlocutor extracts from these words.

2. Side information: what the interlocutor may assume or conclude from your words, although you did not intend to tell him this.

Side information is what is conveyed beyond the words you speak, from the impression you make to the many interpretations that your words allow.

Let's say you tell someone that you're paying for your friend's vacation. You may assume that you will be considered a generous person, but the interlocutor may receive a negative impression of your friends as side information. He may think that you have friends who live on handouts, although in a conversation you pursued a completely different goal.

Many communication problems stem from mutual misunderstanding - from the discrepancy between what you want to put into your words and meaning that the interlocutor extracts from them.

Where does this discrepancy come from? Why does mutual misunderstanding appear? Language is, among other things, a means of expressing human feelings. Emotions arise when we think or experience something happening in the outside world. We then put words into sentences to express those emotions and communicate what we want, what we think, what we need, etc. All this happens on a subconscious level, and we do not have to think about every word we say.

Mutual misunderstanding arises from the fact that different people use different phrases and words to convey their experiences. When you describe something to another person using specific words and phrases, those words and phrases may not be exactly what your interlocutor would use when describing the same event. And this means that, most likely, no one else will be able to perceive and assimilate your speech exactly as you would do it yourself.

Moreover, other people also think differently than you. Each of us has a unique experience, and we see the world and our place in this world differently. Our views and values ​​differ. At the heart of our verbal communication is that already happened what is happening now, and what we want from life. We constantly process information, and each person has this process in his own way.

Imagine that you are driving and a car pulls into the road in front of you. Before you say anything to your passenger, your brain will process the received information, taking into account the following factors:

Your values: what do you consider important in life.

Your views: how you think people should and should not behave on the road and how they should and should not treat each other.

Your experience with driving and similar situations.

Your assumptions, expectations and thoughts about what could happen in this situation.

When all this information is processed on a subconscious level, you will choose one of the possible comments that your passenger will hear.

If your passenger was driving, his reaction might be different. The same external event causes different reactions and different comments corresponding to them.

Words are perceived differently by different people and in each specific situation differ depending on who pronounces them.

If, for example, I say: “I had a wonderful vacation,” this does not mean that you will also have a wonderful vacation if you go to the same place and do the same thing there as I do.

You have a completely different set of criteria for what "wonderful" means when applied to a vacation. Another example: take the word "outspoken." For some, this is a compliment, implying sincerity and honesty. Others hear it as a condemnation.

It's all about how we perceive what is happening. Perception tells you certain words and phrases, but you can never be sure that your interlocutor perceives what is happening in the same way as you. That is why there is always mutual misunderstanding.

We pay attention to different

Why does it happen that eyewitnesses of the same event interpret it in completely different ways? According to the theory of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), when we experience something happening in the outside world, the brain selectively lets in a rolling stream of information - from five to nine circumstances that it can pay attention to at a time. But this set is different for different people.

As a rule, we notice what is most important to us or is consistent with our worldview. That is why two people present at the same event can get completely different impressions from it: in the same setting, everyone will notice their own. Suppose A. is afraid to go to football matches because a tense situation may arise in the crowd. Because of his prejudice, he will pay more attention to those who frown. A B. goes to the match, expecting to meet people there in a good mood and friendly. He will pay more attention to smiles and laughter. Same event, but completely different experience.

If you have ever bought a car, you may be familiar with the following situation. You choose the brand, model and color. Finally, you have chosen it, and are firmly convinced that it is precisely such cars that are rarely found on the road, or maybe not at all. Your brain does not consider what you only want to. But as soon as you finally buy a car, you start to see exactly the same everywhere! Either the universe decided to release all these cars on the streets - just to annoy you, or they were always there, but you did not notice them. So what has changed? Now that you have a car, your brain considers the occurrence of such cars to be particularly significant, so they fall into a set of "five to nine circumstances" information about which is currently being processed by consciousness.

We are all unique. We see the world differently even with the same external stimuli. No wonder so many of us feel insecure when it comes to starting a conversation. Communication is a real minefield, but your prospects, success and happiness depend on interaction with other people; this is where this book comes in handy. With its help, you can develop your communication skills, no matter what goals you set for yourself: communicate more, be a confident person who can strike up a conversation with anyone, or improve your sales skills, build relationships. One way or another, here you will find all the necessary strategies, ideas and tricks!

Part one
Typical fears and barriers that prevent you from talking to absolutely anyone

1
Fear: Is it holding you back?

Like most people, you must have found yourself in situations where you hesitated to say something or start a conversation. In this case, in front of you there may be a person well known to you, and an unfamiliar one. This is partly due to a lack of the right skills: you just don't know how to strike up or carry on a conversation. But there is another deterrent for many - fear. You may not consider your feelings as fear. Perhaps you call them insecurities, or maybe the moment “seems inappropriate” to you. But no matter how you justify them, it is fear that stops you - no matter how it manifests itself.

It may be worrying about what others think of you, fear that you will look stupid or make a mistake. Finally, it may be the fear of rejection. You're hesitating not because you're afraid to please!

So, what is fear and how can you transform this feeling to act calmly and confidently?

Fear is an emotional response to a situation you are in or imagine. Your thoughts about the situation determine how you feel and the emotions that motivate you to act (or refrain from acting). The quality of the action, in turn, determines the end result, and this, in turn, is reflected in the thoughts that you will later associate with this situation.

Naturally, the same thing happens when you are afraid of something. If you think that everything will go badly, then the situation makes you feel uncomfortable and you are unlikely to be able to show your best side.

Remember the important formula:

What is fear?

Fear is an emotional response to a situation you are in or imagine is possible. This reaction is individual: after all, it happens that in the same situation out of two people only one experiences fear. Fear can also be associated with a "primal" area of ​​consciousness, which, when you submit to it, causes an instinctive reaction: you either fight or flee.

What you are afraid of in everyday life, as a rule, does not pose any threat to life at all, but the primitive area of ​​\u200b\u200bconsciousness does not care much about this. It doesn't matter what kind of situation makes you afraid: you've been asked to stand up and make a presentation, you're talking to a stranger, you're doing something really dangerous, the primal realm of consciousness doesn't care.

Fear responses over time—when we watch our parents react to something, get ourselves into frightening situations, or learn about them from other people—only get stronger. Therefore, in order to reduce the feeling of fear or get rid of it, you must first change the thoughts and feelings in the formula

Thoughts? Feel? Actions? results

It is necessary to reduce or get rid of the emotional tension caused by fear, because it is it that keeps you from action.

How scared are you?

When you have to start a difficult conversation or strike up a conversation with a stranger, how scary is that for you? It is important to understand how much fear you experience in a particular situation. Many people do not need to completely get rid of fear in order to gain the ability to act - it is enough just to reduce it to an acceptable level.

Some consider fear in such situations natural and do not back down, even when experiencing moderate or strong fear. For others, very little is enough to stop the action. If you have already achieved something in spite of fear, then you most likely endure fear more easily. When you did what you set out to do, despite the fact that you were scared, you must have convinced yourself that fear is not a reason to retreat and refuse to act.

Release your fear

A very useful exercise that you can start right now is to measure the level of fear you experience in different situations. Once you've established your baseline, you'll be able to measure your progress later on when you act in spite of your fear or do exercises designed to reduce it.

To measure fear, we will use a metric called SUD level, where SUD stands for Subjective Unit of Discomfort. You will take measurements yourself: this is your completely individual scale.

To determine your level of SED in a particular situation, it is not necessary to be in this situation and experience real fear. If you imagine this situation, it will usually be enough to understand how much fear you would experience.

Here is how this method works.

When you find yourself in a situation that inspires fear in you, ask yourself:

“How scared am I? How high is my fear level on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is “It’s not a problem at all, I can do it with ease” and 10 is “I know for sure that I will die if I do this.”

The following step-by-step instructions will help you measure your level of fear.

1. Think back to the last time you were in a situation that made you fearful.

2. Mentally imagine what you saw at that moment.

3. Imagine that you are able to hear any sounds that were then heard, or the words that someone spoke to you, or what you said to yourself.

4. Ask yourself: “How scared was I in that situation on a scale of 0 to 10?”

If you find it difficult to experience fear just by imagining something, put yourself in a fear-inducing situation and measure it.

For example, if you are afraid to talk to strangers, do the following exercise:

1. Go to a crowded place.

2. Tell yourself that you are going to force yourself to talk to someone.

3. Think of what you will say or what question you will ask - even "Could you tell me what time it is, please?"

4. Start moving towards the stranger.

5. Talk to him.

Whether you really talk to him or not, it doesn't matter. The main thing is that you measure your SAD by asking yourself, "How high was my fear level on a scale of 0 to 10?"

It doesn't matter what score you have now. This is just a starting point for you, and only for you. Now, as you work with this book, you will be able to regularly measure your SED level and evaluate your progress.

For some, it is enough to understand that they have a set of skills that allow them to start and maintain a conversation and resolve difficult situations, then they begin to enter into conversations, regardless of their level of fear or the value of the SUD score. For others, fear binds to such an extent that it should be treated with all attention and try to reduce it to an acceptable level on the SED scale. We will now deal with such a case.

Mark Rhodes

HOW TO TALK TO ABSOLUTELY ANYONE

Confident Communication in Every Situation

Published with permission from John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and literary agency Alexander Korzhenevski

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by Vegas Lex law firm.

© Mark Rhodes, 2013

© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2015

Paul McGee

Mark Goulston

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny and Ron MacMillan

They say everyone needs a mentor. But I always thought: yes, to everyone except me! I thought I didn't need a mentor. I have enough other sources: books, videodiscs, my own thoughts - I am able to instruct myself!

But just recently I realized why I don't need a mentor: because I already have one!

All this time I had a mentor who supported me when I was overcome by doubts, and encouraged me when it seemed to me that something would not work out for me.

My mentor even helped by believing in me when things got tough and reminding me regularly of all my accomplishments.

In addition to my mentor, I have two other inspirations that encourage me to do more and improve.

Therefore, I lovingly dedicate this book to my mentor and wife, Jackie Rhodes, and, of course, to my two inspirations, our children Holly and James.

Frankly, I was a little surprised and puzzled when Mark suggested that I write a preface to his book. You see, I am a make-up, cosmetics, body care and style specialist. So I didn't really understand why Mark asked me to write a foreword for such a book. But then, when I started reading, everything became clear!

As a makeup artist, beautician and stylist, I have been fortunate to work with some of the most beautiful and successful men and women in the world. With those who exude confidence wherever they are - on the red carpet or on stage in front of thousands of spectators!

On the other hand, I have been doing British television image shows for years, where I gave advice and turned ordinary British people from gray mice into chic beauties and beauties. The demand for such shows is unabated... People want make the most of what they have. And it does not have to cost a lot of money, take a lot of time and require huge efforts. Really chic look and feel like a star given Not only rich and famous… This is an achievable goal that fits into the schedule and budget of any person!

The main thing you need is not the beautiful plump lips of Angelina Jolie and not the relief muscles of Hugh Jackman, but confidence! By identifying and emphasizing your main advantages, you will embark on the path of gaining self-confidence!

How to Talk to Anyone has simple, step-by-step instructions and ideas on how to boost your self-confidence so you can approach anyone in any situation. From dealing with delicate problematic situations at work to breaking painfully awkward silences in an elevator... This easy-to-understand book will help you rethink how you deal with situations that you find difficult, both socially and personally.

I think it will be an excellent travel companion: scrolling through it, you can easily find what you are currently interested in, and, in addition, it outlines the available methods to increase self-confidence in a variety of tricky cases.

This book helps the reader to expand their comfort zone, just as red lipstick could help any woman, or everyday skin care would help any man, if it were not for the good old Fear Factor: “I will never be able to say that!”, "There's no way I can wear this..."

Mark's fresh approach to real everyday situations will instantly translate into your interactions with friends, family and complete strangers. Even I, with my years of public speaking and event experience, found some invaluable advice from him.

Like Mark's sold-out seminars, this book is infused with his sense of humor and enthusiasm, and it gives you the ability to deal with a wide variety of situations, no matter your experience.

Enjoy reading!

Armand Bisley,

international expert in the field of cosmetology and style, make-up artist of world stars

The ability to communicate, talk with people is one of the most important skills that you can develop in yourself. We are constantly talking to someone. Sometimes it's easy, but sometimes communication seems impossible.

This book will introduce you to tools to help you communicate more naturally and effectively. You will become more free to talk with people you know and find out what prevents you from talking with those who you do not know yet. By the end of the book, you will communicate more confidently and more, the communication process will become more intense, and you will begin to achieve the results you are striving for more often.

Part one deals with the fears associated with entering into a conversation, from the fear of rejection to worrying about what they might think of you. You will also learn how to overcome and enjoy the reluctance to socialize with strangers, which many of us have since childhood.

The second part analyzes in detail the four main stages of communicative interaction. You will learn many new skills that will help you get more out of your conversation and communication, such as knowing who to talk to and who not to talk to; how to strike up a conversation; how to make the interlocutor interested in what you want to say; how to direct the conversation with him in your preferred direction.

Part three is a master class on further improving communication skills, on working on voice and other conversational techniques. I'll also cover how to get around common pitfalls and how to build a difficult conversation, such as telling the person you've made a mistake or asking them to do something for you.

But armed with all this information, you will, of course, have to move on to action: get out of your shell and start connecting with people. As a result, you can talk to absolutely anyone - if, of course, you want to!

The person you are talking to needs to feel that you understand him, and, of course, he must understand you too. Only by reaching a mutual understanding can you achieve real success and establish closer contact.

Information transmitted during communication has two main levels.

1. Basic information: the words you say and the immediate meaning that the interlocutor extracts from these words.

2. Side information: what the interlocutor may assume or conclude from your words, although you did not intend to tell him this.