Why are people envious and evil, huh? What to do if there is an envious person at work? I will answer these questions especially for the readers of Popular about Health. Unfortunately, there are people who cannot rejoice in the happiness and success of others. At the same time, not only colleagues at the workplace, but even the closest people can become envious.

First, envy is the desire of a person to have what another has in abundance. Secondly, the envious person wants evil for a person and he has such behavior that if I don’t have it, then you won’t have it either. You can envy in different ways: someone is more beautiful, smarter, richer, someone has a better position, having children and a family, and so on.

If a person envies and at the same time wishes evil, then this is a destructive feeling. But it can also be said that if a person wants to reach the same heights that the one he envies has reached, and at the same time treats him well, this, on the contrary, will spur him to achieve what he wants, but this does not happen often, basically the envious person experiences a negative feeling towards a more successful comrade, which is bad. Envious people often do not rejoice in other people's successes, they regard it as a kick to achieve their own successes.

Why do people envy other people?

Envy, as a feeling, is formed in the process of education in childhood. Of course, parents wish only the best for their children, but due to their ignorance, they give the child the wrong upbringing.

Often, envy is formed due to seemingly simple phrases: "Look, what a beautiful picture Valya got, and what did you draw?" And how will the child feel? He will probably just hate Valya and just want to tear her picture. It will seem to her that she is less loved because of this. As a result, children's complexes will be gradually cultivated, which will definitely manifest themselves in adulthood.

Adults, when they compare children between children, spoil the relationship between children, and also instill a sense of insecurity, fear, distrust. Such a child will feel deprived, offended, he will be uncomfortable.

How to recognize an envious person at work?

Usually an envious person can be calculated, and if such a frame appears at work, there are a number of signs by which it can be identified. For example, such a person has hatred without any objective reasons. If you noticed this from your colleague, then the best option would be not to go into a conflict situation, but simply let her go.

Another feature of an envious colleague is the desire for constant gossip. In addition, the envious person will talk behind his back, they have little courage to go into some kind of direct conflict with the person. A weapon against this can be a frank conversation with the gossip.

In addition, an envious person will simply fly on wings if he finds out that the one to whom he feels envious has suffered a defeat. Nobody is immune from mistakes. Skills and diligence will gradually return the former results, and the envious person will remain where he was. Don't give in to negativity and boldly move forward.

Envious people are the closest competitors. They will always try to get on the same level with you, although you just do your job without looking at others. Do not pay attention to those who burn you with a look of envy from behind, just do not turn around and do not have contact with such people. And yet - the best weapon against envious people is self-confidence, self-control and a sense of humor.

You can talk to someone who is jealous of you, explain to him the importance of being yourself, that you should not copy another. You can admire the success of the envious person, which will give him confidence. If this is difficult and impossible to do, then just be patient. More often than not, envy is self-doubt. Try to praise the one who envies you, try to celebrate his successes.

People who are envious are the most miserable creatures at heart. Inner fear does not allow them to move forward. If in your power, then think about how you can help such a person so that he becomes happier. Do not waste your energy on a conflict situation, do not spoil the mood.

Recommendations will be like this. Try to limit the time of communication with him to a minimum. Jealous evil people do not know how much effort it takes to achieve success, so you can tell them how much effort you have invested in order to achieve everything. Perhaps the interlocutor will make sure that nothing just fell on you from the sky, but you just need to work and achieve your goals.

Probably, many have heard that you need to be happy quietly. Therefore, do not talk about successes and good relations with your spouse, always guard your world so that happiness is only yours. Never complain about failures, as this is used by the envious against you and do not react to barbs. Be confident and love yourself. Let go of all past negative events. Live for today, enjoy every little thing.

You can find an amulet that will save you from evil envious people, do it, for example, just pin a pin, especially if you believe in such amulets, then it will work and you will feel much more comfortable on a psychological level. But better than a talisman is a kind and loving attitude towards that person who experiences destructive envious emotions towards you, as a result of such behavior you will experience psychological comfort.

“O pale envy, with clawed hands!” - so wrote Beaumarchais about envy. Perhaps there is no person who at least once in his life would not encounter envy. They envy us, we envy ourselves. Where does this destructive and all-consuming feeling come from?

Our psychologist Ekaterina Gorshkova tells readers about how to behave with envious people and how this “ailment” is treated.

Anything can be the object of envy: a renovation in a neighbor’s apartment, a successful marriage of a girlfriend, a former classmate’s villa located in a picturesque place on the Cote d’Azur, beauty, youth, health, wealth, even a new colleague’s dress.
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Reason for envy

There will always be if a person constantly compares himself with other people. We are taught to compare ourselves with others from early childhood - at school and at the institute, excellent students and activists are always set as an example, demanding to be equal to them.

In adult life, our success at work and material wealth also depend on how much we are better than others. Moreover, it is very profitable for corporations to focus on comparing employees: work like Kurochkin, and you will also have a Mercedes and vacation in Florida!

And in principle, such a comparison gives rise to healthy competition, which forces us to gather all our strengths and abilities and achieve the desired result for ourselves.

But envy, unlike competition, has the opposite effect - a person either complains about fate and hates successful people, without taking any action to change his life; or actively wants to take away what these very lucky ones have.

Unfortunately, even such active envy is not constructive, because the envious person himself begins to live with other people's goals, watching the fruits of other people's successes and wanting to get them. And his own life is passing by. When we compare ourselves to others, we mainly pay attention to the attractive external side.

For example, a woman, envying her friend's beauty, completely loses sight of the fact that her friend spends a lot of time keeping herself in shape, attends the gym, and has already called her many times with her.

And if at work someone gets a promotion, the thought of which only supported the flame of life in the hearts of other colleagues, then the first thing everyone experiences is disappointment and envy: he is unworthy of this, but some people know how to suck up to the authorities!

And they completely lose sight of the fact that it was this person who offered the management the most interesting and promising ideas and, most importantly, brought them to life at a time when others were discussing in the smoking room the features of the bad character of the boss.

Unfortunately, envy is very difficult to get rid of.

It never ends, like water in the ocean. Because always, no matter how outstanding success you achieve in life, there will always be someone who is better, younger, more beautiful than you. That's why
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The first rule of a successful person: envy yourself.

You are the only reason for what happens to you. Get into the habit of comparing yourself to…yourself. Set goals you want to achieve and work towards them. And then compare: what success have you achieved compared to last year? How close are you to your goals? Have you achieved everything? Excellent!

Then go ahead, compete with yourself - set new goals and achieve them, be sure to celebrate all your successes. By the way, a very good way to start a "success journal" in which you can record all your victories.

Very often, envy is facilitated by the absence of one's own goals and a real plan for achieving them. Then your own life seems boring and insipid, or is it the case with others! Here, for example, why does your girlfriend have such an interesting life, even though she has been married for several years, and you hang yourself out of longing when you have a completely happy family?

Because nothing happens just like that, and if you figure it out, a friend is a very enthusiastic person, she always comes up with something, finds interesting places, events, plans, organizes, implements. From here
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rule two: fill your life with meaning.

Think about how you really want to live in order to feel happy? Where would you like to go, what to do, what to learn? And then develop a plan and act. When life is varied and interesting, there is no room for envy at all.

Agree, it’s not very pleasant to communicate with people you envy? Because in response to their stories, all sorts of barbs climb into your head: “this is your new job, maybe with a big salary, but the boss is probably a complete idiot”, or “you are unlikely to cope with your duties”, or you want to tell your friend bitterly that her new rich and handsome admirer is probably married or gay ... In general, do something to compensate for your moral damage from someone else's happiness.

Indeed, most people prefer to communicate minimally with those they envy. But in vain. Of course, if you communicate only with losers, against their background you can feel like an unattainable ideal.

But, as you know, we are greatly influenced by the environment in which we live. Success attracts success and failure attracts failure. Therefore, it is more profitable for ourselves to communicate with as many successful people as possible. That's why
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rule three: rejoice in someone else's success, communicate with successful people.

Direct your jealousy in a constructive direction. For example, instead of being angry, find out how these people managed to achieve success? What did they do for this? You can get a lot of useful information and advice. And if you use them, then soon you yourself can become the object of envy.
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And then another question will already worry you: what to do if they envy you?

As practice shows, it is better not to communicate with such people. And if this does not work out, then try not to talk about your successes, because you know what kind of blow you are inflicting on the envious person's pride, so do not provoke him. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to help an envious person. Even if you give him useful advice, offer practical help, you will only cause an even stronger wave of envy and hatred.

And how do you usually react to other people's successes? We have the right to count only on the attitude that we deserve - this is a common truth.

Ekaterina GORSHKOVA

Ecology of Consciousness: Psychology. Until you clearly and carefully understand the praise or flattery of other people, you should not take their words seriously. Behind all these compliments, secret intentions towards you may be hidden.

"Envious people are a problem for others, but at the same time they torment themselves" - William Penn.

There is nothing worse than having achieved success, to realize that the people around you do not feel pride in you, but rather cultivate envy in themselves. Moreover, a zealous attitude can provoke extremely unfriendly actions, especially when it comes to your achievements.

8 Signs That Someone Near You Is Feeling Envy

Psychologist Stephen Stosny says that feelings of envy “make you think the same thing over and over again, and the more you do it, the further away from reality you become. Emotions create the illusion of confidence, and envy makes you confident in your perception of the world.

Each of them had to experience this unpleasant emotion. It is not easy to feel that other people envy you. We tend to control our own feelings, but we cannot control the emotions of others.

The ability to recognize the signs of envy will help you get out of an unpleasant situation without loss.

1. You get insincere compliments.

When people begin to envy you, as a rule, the first thing they do is compliment you. They can sound both quite sincere and with secret malice. However, as soon as you leave the room for a minute, they will immediately begin to roll their eyes.

Most likely, envious people will prefer to pretend that they are not envious than to directly express their emotions. The only way out that will help in this situation is to sincerely praise the envious person when he really succeeds. Such behavior will help people see you as a good and sincere person, curb their envy.

PhD and clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer says:

“Unless you clearly and carefully understand the praise or flattery of other people, you should not take their words seriously. Behind all these compliments, secret intentions towards you may be hidden. This way, you can minimize the possibility that their seemingly sincere compliments may actually turn out to be nothing more than a two-faced attitude.

2. Your success is not taken seriously.

It does not matter what exactly you managed to achieve, or how hard you had to work in order to achieve your goal, your envious people will always act like you were just lucky.

Master M. Farooq Radwan said:

"The people who envy you the most are the ones who need what you have the most."

You should not follow their lead, most likely, this will only provoke negative conversations about you. Keep yourself in control and don't lose confidence. You should not stick out your success in front of envious people, as you will only increase the negativity towards yourself.

3. Show off their accomplishments.

Envious people, as a rule, tend to stick out their success themselves, moreover, to a greater extent than they deserve it. Such people try to show off even more just at the moment when you are celebrating your own achievements. As a rule, envious people are quite capable of announcing their engagement right at your wedding.

What makes them do this? Most likely, they are not as successful as you.

Bob Bly says:

“There are always people in our world whose heads are filled with negative thoughts. And not necessarily about those they envy, but also about themselves, their perceived inability to achieve goals.

Such people can only be sensible about their behavior when they are upset. Try expressing your sincere praise to them for what they themselves have achieved. In order to change the way a person behaves, it is best to show him how to do it by example.

4. You are imitated

People who are prone to envy subconsciously want to appear better than you, or they try to imitate you. In order to feel better, such people may imitate your manner of communication or clothing style.

Instead of getting frustrated, try to inspire them to follow their own path. Try to cheer them up when they try to do things on their own. Show them that it is not necessary to imitate you in order to be yourself.

5. Compete with you

Envious people are characterized by a constant struggle for leadership, because they are in a permanent pursuit of success.

Psychologist Melanie Greenberg writes that such people “they can be dangerous, or they can be too arrogant and want to seem better than others”.

Nevertheless, you may have a desire to put the envious person in his place. If they try to argue with you about a promotion at work, it is best to stick to this phrase: "I'm not competing with you". If you do not go along with them, they will lose interest in competing with you.

6. Rejoice in your mistakes.

An envious person is always happy when something doesn't work out for you, or when you get a reprimand. And although such people may hide their true feelings from you, in their hearts they are always satisfied with your defeat.

Take it easy on your mistakes! It's never too late to tell envious people that we all learn from our mistakes. If you do not show your frustration, your envious people will not be able to enjoy your failures.

7. Gossip behind your back.

Envious people always manage to secretly discuss you. This is not at all funny, as they tend to spread very ugly rumors. In order to stop such people, it is best to confront them directly.

“The negativity of people is a kind of wall. The concentration of thoughts only on the negative, as a result, will be able to start the mechanism. Negative emotions, anger and feelings of self-doubt are guaranteed to win. Your consciousness will follow whatever your attention is focused on. Criticism and negativity won't get in the way of achieving your goals, but they can definitely distract you from it."

Since envious people are usually not hostile, a serious conversation may be enough to get them to think and stop spreading rumors.

8. They hate you for no reason.

If you are hated for no reason, most likely you are just jealous. The realization that we are hated by others when we do nothing wrong can be a very difficult test. It is possible that you will have a desire to please your envious person. However, you may not get anything. In this case, it is better to simply delete such a person from your life.

You do not need this negativity, and most likely, envious people themselves are tormented by the fact that they unjustifiably hate others. Just let those people go.

Envy is a very difficult situation for each of us. A person may have a desire to tell the envious everything that he thinks about him. However, calm and positive behavior will be the best way to solve the problem, both for you and for your envious person.

Perhaps there is nothing worse for a person than talking about success to those people who do not appreciate it and are not proud of it. All they feel is envy. This negative feeling can be very damaging at its worst, especially if you are successful and reaching new heights.

Each of us has experienced this terrible feeling at least once in our lives. And the truth is that many experience it much more often. But it is even more difficult for those who experience envy on themselves. Yes, with some effort we can learn to control ourselves and our emotions, but we cannot influence the behavior of others. Therefore, you need to be able to calculate envious people and take appropriate measures in order to avoid trouble.

Listed below are 8 signs on how to identify people who are jealous of you.

1. False joy

An envious person tries to be the first to congratulate you or anyone else on your success. He will scatter in compliments that at first glance will seem sincere. But be aware that aggression is hidden behind this mask. As soon as you leave the room, he will immediately change his tone and behavior.

Such people prefer to pretend, pretending that they do not envy anyone or anything, diverting attention from their true feelings. The most effective way to deal with such personalities is to reciprocate them. That is, do not hesitate to approach them and express admiration for their achievements at the right time. This will help you disarm them and let them know that they, too, are worth something in this life. So, you will curb their envy.

Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., says, “You don't have to get paranoid and look at everyone with suspicion. Not everyone will show envy, praising and admiring you. It is easier to start analyzing your acquaintances and assess for whom exactly you can become the object of envy. So you will be prepared in advance for the appropriate behavior and will not become nervous over trifles.

2. Belittle success

No matter what heights you have reached and how much effort you put into it, an envious person will try to belittle your efforts so that it looks like a pure accident or coincidence. As if you didn’t do anything and everything fell on your head. Perhaps this is one of the most unpleasant manifestations of envy.

The more your success, the more the envious person will speak badly about you. Therefore, try to remain in the background and be modest. But do not lose confidence in yourself and understand that your merits are the result of your efforts. Showing off your achievements will only cause another stream of negative emotions in your direction.

3. Exaggerate your own success

An envious person will try to give more importance to his own success than he really deserves. This can happen while you are celebrating yours. This is especially noticeable, for example, at a wedding.

But why do they flaunt their success in the first place?

Because, most likely, they are not as successful as you. Author Bob Bly says, “There are always people who are overwhelmed with negative thoughts—not only about others, but also about themselves, about their fictional inability to achieve certain goals. They are often connected with finances and with the desire to be richer than now.

Of course, this may be unpleasant for them, but excess sadness can only convince them of their envy. Instead of exacerbating their poor health, try to admire their efforts and achievements. Become a model of good behavior and you can change someone's behavior.

4. They imitate your behavior

An envious person wants to be better than you and also to be just like you. They may imitate your conversational style or the way you dress to make you feel better. Instead of letting them frustrate you, try to inspire them with your example, not just make them jealous. Show them that they don't have to be your copy and that they can be who they are.

5. Feeling of competition

Envious people tend to show a high level of competition because they always want to be the ones who achieve success. Clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg says of them: “They are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove their superiority.”

You may be tempted to take the fight, or refuse to compete, which may not lead to the best results. Try to tell them, in the case of the same promotion at work, that "this is not a competition." Playing against their rules will cause envious people to reconsider their position and may encourage them to completely abandon the fight with you.

6. Celebrate failure

The one who is envious will be in seventh heaven when you make the slightest mistake. It could be a reprimand at work or even a bad grade in school. Although they will never show it, they will secretly enjoy your failures. Handle failure with your head held high. You can always remind them that mistakes are part of life and learning. If you're not upset, they don't enjoy it. Everything is simple.

7. They gossip behind your back.

Jealous people will always find a way to gossip about you behind your back. And this often only harms you and your reputation. The best way to deal with this is to confront them directly.

As author James Clear notes, “…negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on that, then you will stumble upon it. You will fall into the trap of negative emotions, anger and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is. Criticism and negativity cannot stop you from reaching your goals. But they can distract you from that."

Because envious people don't tend to be overtly confrontational, having a serious conversation with them about what they're doing can disarm them. And this will be enough for them to rethink their behavior or stop spreading rumors altogether.

8. They hate you

If you encounter a person who openly hates you for an unknown reason, know that he may just be jealous of you. This is hard to deal with because each of us doesn't like to hate for no reason. You can start trying to prove to this person that you want to build a relationship with him. But it might not be the best idea. Sometimes it's better to do nothing. If you can’t charm them, fall in love with you, then it’s better to just cut them out of your life. You do not need this negativity, and such people are likely to force themselves to hate you. Therefore, the best way to fix this is to let go of the situation.

Conclusion

Faced with someone else's envy, you can experience big problems. You can try to fight them back. But you need to understand that when dealing with such people, it is better to show a positive attitude and let them know that you are not rivals. These are people who are experiencing a self-esteem issue that they need to contend with. And extra pressure on your part will not improve the situation. Try to identify these signs in your environment in time and prevent negative consequences in order to continue moving towards your dreams!