Tension between colleagues at work? Do not get along with peers at school? Or maybe a storm is brewing in the circle of friends? Do you think that a collision is unavoidable? Wait, we will reveal to you all the ins and outs of the conflict and you will understand that everything is fixable. Even if you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, remember that there is a solution to the problem! In order to avoid aggravation, you need to recognize the enemy, who is pushing for the deterioration of relations, in person. Let's take a look at what interpersonal conflict is. , where does it come from and what are the ways to solve it.

Controversy and incident

An essential condition for the emergence of any conflict is a conflict situation, that is, different positions of two (or more) parties on any issue. What are the signs of conflict in interpersonal relationships? are always complex: there is a desire for opposite goals, and the use of various means to achieve them, and conflicting desires or incompatible interests. But these contradictions do not always lead to an explosion in communication.

In order for conflict situations to develop into a conflict, the impact of external phenomena is necessary: ​​a push or an incident.

“As soon as you learn to mirror a conflict situation - not plunging into it up to your ears, but contemplating it from the outside - then believe me, it will certainly be resolved with minimal losses for you! You just need to put yourself in the place of another person and imagine: what would you do or want to do in this case? — Vladimir Chepovoy, author of Crossroads.

An incident, or, as it is also called, an occasion means some actions of one of the parties that affect, even accidentally, the interests of the other side. The reason may be the activity of a third party that has not previously participated in the situation. For example, caustic remarks from a friend when you were just fired.

The formation of an incident can be influenced by both objective reasons (not dependent on people) and the usual “didn’t think” (when the psychological characteristics of another person are not taken into account).

Conflicts between people and their causes

If the reason for the escalation of the conflict situation nevertheless arose and a clear conflict forms on the face (k. - hereinafter the reduction of the “conflict”), one should act deliberately and carefully. To begin with, it is worth determining how many people are involved in k. Based on the number of participants, k. are divided into intrapersonal, interpersonal, intergroup.

Now we are interested in conflicts in interpersonal relationships - this is between people during their psychological and social interaction, the clash of individuals in the struggle for their interests. Interpersonal conflict is the most common type of conflict.

Causes of interpersonal conflicts:

1) socio-psychological:

• rumors, gossip, slander and other misrepresentations of information;
• inconsistency in relations between people (after all, no one likes it when a colleague suddenly begins to take on the role of commander, when no one has given him such authority, for example);
• bias in assessing oneself and others;
• psychological incompatibility;
• craving for power.

2) personal (they are also psychological):

• various moral and ethical attitudes;
• low emotional intelligence;
• psychological instability;
• inability to empathize;
• low or high expectations;
• excessive impressionability;
• bias in individual character traits.

The problem with interpersonal relationships is that each side can have its own reasons, and even more than one. This complicates the diagnosis of relationships, but how boring it would be to live if everyone was perfect!

In this case, the dynamics of k. can be different:

• sluggish (for example, between colleagues who are not very comfortable working with each other);
• protracted (generation conflict);
• acute (quarrel between friends or partners).

Signals of conflict

After we have decided on the reasons due to which conflicts appear in interpersonal relationships, we can move on to obvious manifestations of contradictions. Signals to. in interpersonal relationships (according to H. Cornelius) are:

1) Crisis

• emotional extremes, expressing in behavior unusual for a person;
• loss of control of feelings;
• confrontation and bickering;
• manifestation of violence, physical force;
• parting with a loved one.

• any misunderstanding can develop into a confrontation;
• communication with a person becomes unpleasant and delivers negative emotions;
• there is a prejudice against the other side;
• the attitude towards a person is distorted and the motivation of his actions is distorted.

3) Misunderstanding

• one thought sits in the head, from which it is impossible to get rid of and which leads to nervous tension;
• the desire to even try to understand another person disappears, his words are distorted in the mind of the listener.

4) Incident

• hidden (internal irritation): participants are aware that their relationship is tense, but this is not expressed externally in their communication;
• an open problem of interpersonal relations: k. comes out and is expressed in the active actions of the parties directed against each other.

5) Discomfort

• Inside, there is a feeling that something is not right.

Remember that it is easier to avoid conflict than to deal with its consequences later. Pay close attention to the signals to prevent deterioration in the relationship. After all, as Hans Richter wrote: “A smart person will find a way out of any difficult situation. The wise will not be in this position.

In addition to the signals analyzed by the Australian psychologist, there are so-called harbingers that slip through the relationship between people. For example:

• a person gossips behind your back or offends you in person without hesitation;
• or vice versa, avoids communication, personal contact, direct eye contact, completely breaks off communication;
• topics of conversation change: no personal involvement, does not share his problems, does not ask about your affairs, communication now consists of formal topics (about the weather, about minor events);
• starts to be late or does not come at all to meetings that were agreed upon in advance.

In addition to the aggravation of ties between two or more acquaintances, the problem of interpersonal relations in the team as a whole is also important. The signals of its appearance are:

• a series of dismissals of their own free will;
• negative atmosphere and psychological background, clashes between employees;
• decrease in the productivity of the work process;
• the appearance of gossip, the division of the team into small groups;
• joint boycott of the leadership and its instructions.

Conflict Strategies

Conflicts in interpersonal relationships were, are and will be. But there are also ways to resolve them. First, you should realize that there is a conflict. And then - choose a way to solve this problem.

A behavior strategy is the orientation of an individual or a group of people in relation to someone, the choice of a certain tactic of behavior in the prevailing conditions.

K. Thomas and R. Kilmann typified five main styles of behavior in a conflict situation, based on the degree of achievement of the goal and the measure of taking into account the interests of the enemy:

1)Avoidance/Evasion- the desire not to participate in the decision to. and defend their own interests, the desire to get out of the conflict environment.

2) fixture- an attempt to soften to. and maintain relationships without resisting the pressure of the other side (especially common between subordinates and the leader).

3) Rivalry/Competition- achieving one's desires at the expense of another.

4) Compromise- Finding the golden mean through mutual concessions.

5)Cooperation involves a joint search for a solution that meets the interests of all parties.

Some psychologists distinguish separately: suppression and negotiations, but such an addition is not widely used.

Optimal conflict resolution

Let's take a look at the conflict resolution schedule

Obviously, the best way to resolve tensions is cooperation. With this approach, there is attention to both one's own interests and those of others. It turns out that both conflicting parties win, which is pleasant in the end for everyone. Other methods and methods are ineffective. Any other approach is like pulling the blanket over yourself - someone will be left deprived. And this means that the c. will not be completely resolved.

What does cooperation look like in practice?

To begin with, it is worth discussing with the enemy whether he wants to resolve the controversial issue or not. If the answer is yes, you can proceed to exit the current conditions. To do this, you must follow certain rules:

1) Deal with the causes of the conflict through mutual questions. Leave emotionalism aside, the discussion should be as objective as possible.

2) Do not give up your position, but do not force the other party to change his point of view

3) Choose your words carefully during negotiations so as not to aggravate the situation.

4) The subject of the conversation should be a specific problem, not a person.

5) The main thing is to be sincere. Tell the person who offended you about your emotions and experiences.

6) Accept your partner's emotions, try to put yourself in his place and feel what he is going through. This will help better the other person and his motives.

7) If you feel that the confrontation is fading, forgive your opponent, let him know about it.

8) If the partner does not believe that the conflict has been resolved, continue the conversation until there are no unresolved issues left. If the problem cannot be solved together, then work it out within yourself so that it does not cause you problems in the future. Forgive yourself and don't dwell on the situation.

Now you know how to prevent conflict and how to get out of a difficult situation if it does arise. Forewarned is forearmed. We hope that this knowledge will be useful for you and will play a positive role in your life.

Interpersonal conflict is one of the strongest stressors affecting mental and physical health. At the same time, conflict is part of everyday life, and not necessarily a bad part. Relationships with frequent conflicts can be more alive than those without visible conflicts. Conflicts arise at all levels of social interaction - at work, between friends, between family members and between people in love. Conflict can either weaken relationships or strengthen them. Thus, the conflict can be called a critical event in the development of relationships. However, if the conflict is resolved optimally, it can lead to deeper understanding, respect and closeness between people. The quality of relationships does not depend on the number of conflicts experienced, but on how these conflicts are resolved.

Often people avoid conflict, and there can be many reasons for this. For example, they may fear that habitually suppressed feelings of anger may get out of control. Or they may feel insecure about their current relationship. Or they may not be able to express their views and feelings. Children growing up in an environment of frequent destructive conflicts, growing up, avoid participating in any kind of confrontation, since they did not have before their eyes an example of effective communication during conflicts.
Usually people use several styles of behavior in conflict situations. The most common of these is avoidance and negation the existence of a conflict. In this case, the conflict itself does not disappear anywhere, but continues to “hang” over the participants and create tension, thus increasing the potential for conflict. Another common style of behavior is anger and accusation- this style is resorted to when the conflict itself is mistakenly equated with the feeling of anger that it can cause. This style of behavior does not contribute to the resolution of the conflict at all, but, on the contrary, increases the disagreement between the participants, strengthening the protective measures they take.
Another style of behavior is applying strength and influence to pull the parties to the conflict to their side. Proponents of this approach like to participate in conflicts, as they allow them to satisfy the need for competition with other people; however, the conflict itself is not resolved, as the losing side continues to resist, hiding and suppressing their feelings. Close to this style manipulation- when one participant in the conflict pretends to accept a compromise, while using the truce to manipulate other participants. This style of behavior in a conflict situation leads to a loss of trust between the parties and the strengthening of conflict positions.

There are more constructive methods of conflict resolution.
Conflicts usually develop from small, unimportant issues to disputes and disputes that can jeopardize the relationship itself. Conflict situations with close people and friends, of course, are different from conflict situations with outsiders who do not care about your feelings and needs. However, there are general principles that unite all constructive ways of resolving conflicts.
The main one is that both sides of the conflict should see the conflict as a problem requiring a rational solution. It is the awareness of the conflict as such that will allow all participants to take part in the search for a solution and subsequently feel satisfaction from its resolution. Each participant should make an effort to find the optimal solution suitable for all interested parties - a seemingly simple principle in theory, but difficult to implement in practice.
We can become so preoccupied with advancing our own interests that we risk putting the relationship itself at risk. If we neglect the interests of another person, if we use fear and power to get what we want, if everything always turns out “our way”, then the other person will feel hurt, and the relationship with him will suffer irreparably. Conversely, if we always give in to others in order to avoid conflicts, we make it clear that it is normal to act on our own interests and ignore our opinions. As a result, self-esteem suffers, internal resistance increases, and we feel deceived. It is much better when both parties are open and honest in expressing their feelings and desires, as well as respectful of the feelings and desires of the other side. Mutual respect and trust, as well as a benevolent attitude, is a necessary basis for a good relationship.

Preventing conflict
Most people don't look for conflict. Most of us understand other people's behavior well enough to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. It is in our interests to maintain soft, flexible and mutually developing relations. The problem arises when we stop adhering to constructive methods of interaction. We rarely consciously stimulate conflict; most often we do this because we do not understand how our own behavior affects the occurrence of interpersonal conflicts. There are days when everything falls out of hand from the very morning; sometimes we forget something or get very annoyed. At times, we are so focused on our own feelings that we completely ignore the needs of other people. It is at this point that we find ourselves involved in conflict.
In order to prevent conflict from arising, it is important to be aware of our own involvement in the misunderstanding. To do this, you need to remember the last conflict situation, your remarks in it and think about them, trying to find a better version of the phrases. Try to find language that could reduce tension and help establish a trusting tone. In the future, you need to try to apply the found options in practice and see how successful they are in preventing conflicts.

Using Effective Communication Techniques to Reduce Conflict
Once you find yourself in a conflict situation, it is worth making an effort to mitigate and reduce the emotional intensity so that you can discuss your differences in a calmer state and possibly find a compromise.
Stress Relief: Your opponent may be angry and armed with a lot of good arguments proving he is right and why you should be blamed for all the troubles. Your task is to address the very emotion of anger, and in order to do this, you need to agree with what the opponent says. If you find some truthful points in his accusations and agree with them, it will be difficult for the person accusing you to remain in a state of anger. Yes, from your point of view, the accusations may be completely unfounded, but it is worth recognizing that there is always a particle of truth in what the other person says - if only because he sees the situation from a different side, which you may not see. This does not mean that you should compromise your principles. We simply indicate that we recognize the right of another person to have their own opinion on this issue so that we can move on to the stage of finding a solution. Such a method is not easy to apply in a rapidly changing situation or with a quick-tempered opponent, but the ability to restrain momentary reactions in order to achieve more important goals - in this case, conflict resolution, is precisely the indicator of a stronger and more integrated personality.
Empathy: Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes, see the situation through their eyes. First of all, it is worth showing the opponent that what he is trying to say is understood by other people. To express empathy, use the opponent's paraphrased remarks. For example, "I understand you say you can't trust me like you used to."
It is also worth trying to understand exactly how your opponent feels. At the same time, it is better not to attribute to others feelings that may not be there, for example, “You are in turmoil from everything that has fallen on you.” Instead, it is better to voice a more believable option, like "I think you must be very angry with me now" - that is, to say your perception of how the other person feels.
Study: Ask about what the other person is feeling and thinking. Encourage others to openly express their feelings. For example, "Is there anything else you want to tell me?"
I-messages: Take responsibility only for your own motives and thoughts, expressing this in the form of special phrases called “I-messages”. For example, "I'm very upset about this spat" instead of "You made me very upset." This form of expression removes the need to take a defensive position, which means it will relieve unnecessary tension.
Stroking: Say nice things about the other person, even if that person is angry with you. Be respectful. For example, "I sincerely respect you for the courage to raise this problematic issue."

A rational way to resolve conflicts
Here are a few steps to help resolve interpersonal conflicts constructively:
1) Define the problem. Discuss the issue from all sides - both you and your opponent will have a chance to express their point of view. Find the points that you both agree on, as well as the points that cause the strongest disagreement. It is important here not to interrupt and listen to what all participants in the conflict will say, as well as to use I-messages and avoid direct accusations.
2) Come up with several different solutions. No matter how far-fetched ideas may be, try to draw on all the resources of your imagination.
3) Weigh the solutions found. Consider the options one by one, list all the pros and cons until the list is reduced to 2-3 acceptable options. It is very important that each participant is honest and participates in the discussion. The solutions found will most likely not be ideal, and will require some compromise.
4) Choose the best solution - that is, acceptable to the largest number of participants in the conflict. Perhaps it will not fully satisfy everyone and everyone. But such an approach will be more just, which means that all parties will be willing to adhere to this decision, and the conflict will be settled.
5) Implement your decision. State all the steps that each side must take to make the decision work, as well as the actions that will need to be taken if the agreement begins to unravel.
6) Don't stop thinking about your decision. Conflict resolution is more of a process than a one-time event, so check back from time to time to see how each side is doing. Unforeseen circumstances may arise, or important points may emerge that were overlooked in the initial discussion. The adopted agreement should be open to changes, but the need for these changes must be approved by all participants.

There are five main interpersonal conflict resolution styles:

Evasion. This style is characterized by implying that the person is trying to get away from conflict. One of the ways to resolve the conflict is not to get into situations that provoke the emergence of contradictions, not to enter into discussions of issues that are fraught with disagreements. Then you don’t have to get into an excited state, even if you are solving the problem.

Smoothing. This style is characterized by behavior that is dictated by the belief that it is not worth getting angry, because "we are all one happy team, and we should not rock the boat." The Smoother tries not to let out signs of conflict and bitterness, appealing to the need for solidarity. Unfortunately, they completely forget about the problem underlying the conflict. You can extinguish another person's desire for conflict by repeating, “It doesn't really matter. Think of the good things that have manifested here today.” As a result, peace, harmony and warmth may come, but the problem will remain. There is no more room for emotions to show, but they live inside and accumulate. A general unease is becoming apparent, and the likelihood is growing that an explosion will eventually occur.

Compulsion. Within this style, attempts to force people to accept their point of view at any cost prevail. The one who tries to do this is not interested in the opinions of others. A person who uses this style usually behaves aggressively, and usually uses power through coercion to influence others. The conflict can be brought under control by showing that you have the strongest power, suppressing your opponent, wresting from him a concession by right of the boss. This style of coercion can be effective in situations where the leader has significant power over subordinates.

The disadvantage of this style is that that it suppresses the initiative of subordinates, creates a greater likelihood that not all important factors will be taken into account, since only one point of view is presented. It can cause resentment, especially among younger and more educated staff.

Compromise. This style is characterized by taking the other side's point of view, but only to some extent. The ability to compromise is highly valued in managerial situations, as it minimizes ill will and often makes it possible to quickly resolve the conflict to the satisfaction of both parties. However, using compromise early on in a conflict over an important decision can interfere with the diagnosis of the problem and shorten the time it takes to find an alternative. Such a compromise means agreement only to avoid a quarrel, even if prudent action is abandoned. Such a trade-off is one of being satisfied with what is available, rather than a persistent search for what is logical in the light of the facts and data available.

Solution. This style is an acknowledgment of differences of opinion and a willingness to get acquainted with other points of view in order to understand the causes of the conflict and find a course of action acceptable to all parties. The one who uses this style does not try to achieve his goal at the expense of others, but rather looks for the best way to resolve the conflict situation. Differences of opinion are seen as the inevitable result of smart people having their own ideas about what is right and wrong. Emotions can only be eliminated through direct dialogue with a face other than your gaze.

Deep analysis and resolution of the conflict is possible, only this requires maturity and the art of working with people ... Such constructiveness in resolving the conflict (by solving the problem) helps to create an atmosphere of sincerity, which is so necessary for the success of the individual and the company as a whole.

Studies show that high-performing companies used problem-solving style more than low-performing companies in conflict situations. In these high-performing organizations, leaders openly discussed their differences of opinion, neither emphasizing the differences nor pretending they didn't exist.

Some suggestions for using this style of conflict resolution:

2. Once the problem is identified, identify solutions that are acceptable to both parties.

3. Focus on the problem, not the personality of the other party.

4. Create an atmosphere of trust by increasing mutual influence and information sharing.

5. During communication, create a positive attitude towards each other, showing sympathy and listening to the opinion of the other party, as well as minimizing the manifestation of anger and threats.

An example of a conflict situation

The staff includes both men and women of various ages. At the next meeting of the managers of the institution, it was decided to accept the second administrator of the hall into their staff. During the meeting, the current administrator was absent for some reason, and was not aware of this decision. The next day, management began recruiting for the new position and reported it to the administrator. The reaction of the latter played out a quarrel with the manager. His opinion was contrary to the management's opinion about the need for a second vacancy.

The conflict went on a new round; our staff began to complain about the unpleasant psychological atmosphere at work.

As a result of misunderstanding and conflict, the administrator quit. Reserving the last word in the leadership's prejudiced attitude towards him.

Let's start with:

The basis or basis of the above proposed conflict was that the management of the institution was clearly not satisfied with the work of the existing administrator of the hall, and the current situation provoked a conflict that was brewing between them earlier.

The object of the conflict is the opinion in the personal superiority and authority of the administrator among the staff.

The subject of this conflict is the impossibility of reconciliation, since the conflict already had a mature character.

The parties to the conflict are the leadership and the subordinate.

The social position of the subjects is a different social position.

The environment - a cafe, an entertainment facility, a friendly staff, however, of course, takes place, as well as responsible work with staff, requiring high professionalism and qualifications.

The conflict incident is the transition of the conflict to the review of the entire team.

The outcome of the conflict situation is the departure of the dissenting party and the accusation of the leadership of incompetence.

In my opinion, in this situation, a cooperation strategy aimed at constructively resolving the conflict, that is, working with the problem, and not with the conflict, would be the best fit. Employees should, firstly, recognize the conflict (emphasizing the common basis for interaction, which can be even one desire to find a way out of the situation together), and secondly, discarding emotions, openly discuss their interests and positions on this issue, and, thirdly, to find a joint solution to the problem and alternative ways out of the conflict, transferring it to a peaceful constructive course.

Conclusion: I think the solution to the existing conflict is real, because. management should have been at the initial stage of the conflict, to settle relations with the administrator. But since it missed this situation, a serious conflict occurred that affected everyone around.

4.1. Interpersonal conflicts

Interpersonal conflicts can be viewed as a clash of personalities in the process of their relationship. Such clashes can occur in various spheres and areas (economic, political, industrial, socio-cultural, domestic, etc.). The reasons for such clashes are infinitely varied (from a convenient place in public transport to the presidential chair in government structures). As in other social conflicts, here we can talk about objectively and subjectively incompatible, or opposite (mutually exclusive) interests, needs, goals, values, attitudes, perceptions, assessments, opinions, behaviors, etc.

Objective factors create a potential opportunity for conflict. For example, a vacant position for the head of a department may become a cause of conflict between two employees if both apply for this position. The public (impersonal) relations between potential participants in the conflict, for example, their status-role positions, that have developed at the time of the beginning of the conflict, can also be considered conditionally objective.

Subjective factors in an interpersonal conflict are formed on the basis of individual (social-psychological, physiological, worldview, etc.) characteristics of individuals. These factors largely determine the dynamics of development and resolution of interpersonal conflict and its consequences.

Interpersonal conflicts arise both between people who meet for the first time and between constantly communicating people. In both cases, an important role in the relationship is played by the personal perception of a partner or opponent. The process of interpersonal perception has a complex structure. In social psychology, the process of reflection involves at least three positions that characterize the mutual reflection of subjects:

1) the subject itself, what it is in reality;

2) the subject as he sees himself;

3) the subject as it is seen by another.

In the relationship of subjects, we have the same three positions on the part of another subject of reflection. The result is a process of doubled, mirror mutual reflection by the subjects of each other (Fig. 1).

Similar in structure to the reflexive, but somewhat different in content, scheme for the interaction of subjects was proposed by the American psychotherapist Eric Berne (Fig. 2).

In this scheme, the basis of the conflict is the various states of the subjects of interaction, and the “provocation” of the conflict is the intersecting transactions. Combinations "a" and "b" are conflicting. In the combination “c”, one of the subjects of interaction clearly dominates the other or takes the position of a patron, the other subject is content with the role of a “child”. In this combination, conflicts do not arise because both subjects take their positions for granted. The most productive in communication between people is the position "g" (B * ^ B). This is a communication of equal people, which does not infringe on the dignity of any of the parties.

An adequate perception of a person by others is often hindered by already established stereotypes. For example, a person has a preconceived notion of an official as a soulless bureaucrat, red tape, etc. In turn, an official may also form a negative image of a petitioner who undeservedly seeks special benefits for himself. In the communication of these personalities, not real people will interact, but stereotypes - simplified images of certain social types. Stereotypes are formed in conditions of lack of information, as a generalization of personal experience and preconceived notions accepted in society or in a certain social environment. Examples of stereotypes can be statements like: “all salesmen…”, “all men…”, “all women…”, etc.

The formed, possibly false, image of the other can seriously deform the process of interpersonal interaction and contribute to the emergence of conflict.

An obstacle to finding agreement between individuals can be a negative attitude that has been formed by one opponent in relation to another. Attitude - readiness, predisposition of the subject to act in a certain way. This is a certain direction of manifestation of the psyche and behavior of the subject, readiness for the perception of future events. It is formed under the influence of rumors, opinions, judgments about a given individual (group, phenomenon, etc.). For example, an entrepreneur has previously arranged a meeting with his colleague from another firm to conclude an important business agreement. In preparation for the meeting, he heard negative comments from third parties about the business and ethical qualities of the prospective partner. Based on these reviews, the entrepreneur has formed a negative attitude and the meeting may either not take place or not give the expected results.

In conflict situations, a negative attitude deepens the split between opponents and makes it difficult to resolve and resolve interpersonal conflicts.

Often the causes of interpersonal conflicts are misunderstandings (misunderstanding of one person by another). This is due to different ideas about the subject, fact, phenomenon, etc. “We often expect,” Maxwell Maltz writes, “that others will react to the same facts or circumstances in the same way as we do, doing the same the most conclusions. We forget that a person does not react to real facts, but to his ideas about them. People have different ideas, sometimes diametrically opposed, and this fact must be accepted as a completely natural phenomenon, not to conflict, but to try to understand others.

Interacting with people, a person protects, first of all, his personal interests, and this is quite normal. The resulting conflicts are a reaction to obstacles to achieving goals. And how significant the subject of the conflict seems to be for a particular individual will largely depend on his conflict setting- predisposition and willingness to act in a proposed conflict in a certain way. It includes goals, expectations and emotional orientation of the parties.

In interpersonal interaction, an important role is played by the individual qualities of opponents, their personal self-esteem, self-reflection, individual tolerance threshold, aggressiveness (passivity), type of behavior, sociocultural differences, etc. There are concepts interpersonal compatibility and interpersonal incompatibility. Compatibility implies mutual acceptance of partners in communication and joint activities. Incompatibility - mutual rejection (antipathy) of partners, based on the mismatch (opposition) of social attitudes, value orientations, interests, motives, characters, temperaments, psychophysical reactions, individual psychological characteristics of the subjects of interaction.

Interpersonal incompatibility can cause emotional conflict (psychological antagonism), which is the most complex and difficult to resolve form of interpersonal confrontation.

In the development of interpersonal conflict, it is also necessary to take into account the influence of the social and socio-psychological environment. For example, conflicts between gentlemen in the presence of ladies are especially cruel and uncompromising, since they affect the honor and dignity of opponents.

Individuals face in interpersonal conflicts, protecting not only their personal interests. They can also represent the interests of individual groups, institutions, organizations, labor collectives, society as a whole. In such interpersonal conflicts, the intensity of the struggle and the possibility of finding compromises are largely determined by the conflict attitudes of those social groups whose representatives are opponents.

Options for the outcome of interpersonal conflict

All causes of interpersonal conflicts arising from the clash of goals and interests can be divided into three main types.

The first- implies a fundamental clash in which the realization of the goals and interests of one opponent can be achieved only at the expense of infringing on the interests of another.

Second- affects only the form of relations between people, but at the same time does not infringe on their spiritual, moral and material needs and interests.

Third- represents imaginary contradictions that can be provoked either by false (distorted) information, or by an incorrect interpretation of events and facts.

Interpersonal conflicts can take the form of:

? rivalry- striving for dominance;

? spore– disagreements about finding the best solution to joint problems;

? discussions- Discussion of a controversial issue.

Depending on the causes of the conflict and on the ways of conflict behavior of opponents, interpersonal conflict can have the following types of outcome:

1) care from resolving the conflict, when one of the parties does not seem to notice the contradictions that have arisen;

2) smoothing contradictions, when one of the parties either agrees with the claims presented to it (but only in this moment), or seeks to justify itself;

3) compromise- mutual concessions of both parties;

4) escalation of tension and the escalation of the conflict into an all-encompassing confrontation;

5) power option conflict suppression, when one or both parties are forced by force (threat of force) to accept one or another variant of the outcome of the contradiction.

Prevention and resolution of interpersonal conflicts

If a conflict situation has arisen, then before “getting into a fight”, you need to seriously weigh all the possible “pros” and “cons” in the proposed conflict and ask a few questions:

Are there really contradictions that are worth conflicting over?

Is it possible to solve the problems that have arisen in other ways, without resorting to conflict?

Are there any guarantees that you will achieve the desired results in the upcoming conflict?

What will be the price of victory or defeat for you and your opponent?

What are the possible consequences of the conflict?

How will the people around you react to the conflict?

It is desirable that your opponent in the alleged conflict from the same positions analyze the conflict situation that has arisen and possible ways of its development. A comprehensive analysis of the conflict situation helps to find mutually acceptable solutions, prevents open confrontation between the parties and helps not only to maintain normal relations between former opponents, but also to establish relations of mutually beneficial cooperation between them.

You can also avoid conflict by avoiding direct contact with conflicting people, with those who annoy you with something, those whom you annoy. There are various types of so-called difficult people, communication with which is fraught with the emergence of conflicts. Here are some of these types:

1) aggressive - bully others and get irritated themselves if they are not listened to;

2) complainers - they always complain about something, but they themselves usually do nothing to solve the problem;

3) silent people - calm and laconic, but it is very difficult to find out what they think and what they want;

4) super-accommodating - they agree with everyone and promise support, but the words of such people diverge from the deeds;

5) eternal pessimists - they always foresee failures and believe that nothing will come of what is being planned;

6) know-it-alls - consider themselves higher, smarter than others and demonstrate their superiority in every possible way;

7) indecisive - they hesitate to make a decision, because they are afraid to make a mistake;

8) maximalists - want something right now, even if it is not necessary;

9) hidden - harbor grievances and suddenly pounce on the opponent;

10) innocent liars - mislead others with lies and deceit;

11) false altruists - they allegedly do good, but "carry a stone in their bosoms."

If, due to certain circumstances, it is not possible to avoid communicating with difficult people, then an appropriate approach should be used in relationships with them. All these approaches, according to Gini Scott, are built on the basic principles:

1. Realize that a person is difficult to communicate, and determine what type of person he is.

2. Do not fall under the influence of this person, his point of view, attitude; keep calm and neutral.

3. If you do not want to avoid communicating with such a person, try to talk with him and identify the reasons for his difficulties.

4. Try to find a way to satisfy his hidden interests and needs.

5. Use a collaborative approach to resolving conflicts that begin to emerge after the behavior of a difficult person is assigned to a certain type, neutralized or brought under control.

One of the methods of conflict prevention is self-removal from the conflict situation. In accordance with this method, you should avoid solving problems that do not affect your interests, and your participation in solving them is not conditional on anything. For example, someone is very irritated and emotionally aroused. You are well-meaning trying to help this person, even though you were not asked to. As a result, you can get involved in someone else's conflict and become an object for a "volley release" of negative emotions.

If interpersonal conflict could not be prevented, then the problem of its settlement and resolution arises. One of the first steps in this direction is the recognition of the contradictions existing between individuals. There are times when one of the opponents has not yet fully realized the causes of problems. When both sides of the conflict are aware of the existence of contradictions, a frank conversation helps to clearly define subject of dispute outline boundaries of mutual claims, reveal the positions of the parties. All this opens the next stage in the development of the conflict - the stage of a joint search for options for its resolution.

A joint search for a way out of a conflict situation also implies the observance of a number of conditions, for example:

Separate the real causes of the conflict from the incident - the formal reason for the start of the collision;

Focus on existing problems, not on personal emotions;

Act according to the “here and now” principle, i.e. solve the problems that directly caused this conflict, without recalling other controversial events and facts;

Create an atmosphere of equal participation in the search for possible options for resolving the conflict;

Speak only for yourself; be able to listen and hear the other;

Observe a respectful attitude towards the personality of the opponent, speak about facts and events, and not about the qualities of a particular person;

Create a climate of mutual trust and cooperation.

If negative tendencies prevail in an interpersonal conflict (mutual hostility, resentment, suspicion, distrust, hostile moods, etc.) and opponents cannot or do not want to enter into a dialogue, then the so-called indirect methods of resolving interpersonal conflict. Let's look at some of these methods.

1. Method« release of feelings". The opponent is given the opportunity to express everything that hurts him, and thereby reduce the emotional and psychological stress provoked by the conflict. After that, the person is more predisposed to looking for options for a constructive resolution of the conflict situation.

2. Method« positive attitude towards personality". A person in conflict, whether he is right or wrong, is always a sufferer. We must express our sympathy to him and give a positive description of his personal qualities of tin: "You are a smart person, etc." In an effort to justify the positive assessment made to him, the opponent will seek to find a constructive way to resolve the conflict.

3. Intervention method« authoritarian third". A person who is in an interpersonal conflict, as a rule, does not perceive the positive words expressed by the opponent in his address. To assist in such a matter can be someone "third" who is trusted. Thus, the conflicting person will know that his opponent does not think so badly of him, and this fact can be the beginning of a search for a compromise.

4. Reception« naked aggression". In a playful way, in the presence of a third person, opponents are allowed to “talk about their sore points”.

Under such conditions, the quarrel, as a rule, does not reach extreme forms and the tension in the relations of the opponents decreases.

5. Reception« forced hearing of the opponent". Conflicting put the condition to carefully listen to each other. At the same time, before answering the opponent, everyone must reproduce his last remark with a certain accuracy. It is rather difficult to do this, since the conflicting parties hear only themselves, attributing to the opponent words and tone that were not actually there. The prejudice of opponents to each other becomes obvious and the intensity of tension in their attitude subsides.

6. Position exchange. Conflicting people are offered to express claims from the position of their opponent. This technique allows them to “go beyond” their personal grievances, goals and interests and better understand their opponent.

7. Expanding the spiritual horizon of those who argue. This is an attempt to bring those in conflict beyond the subjective perception of the conflict and help to see the situation as a whole, with all possible consequences.

An important stage on the way to resolving the conflict is the readiness to resolve it. Such readiness appears as a result of a reassessment of values, when one or both of the conflicting parties begin to realize the futility of continuing the confrontation. During this period, there are changes in attitudes towards the situation, towards the opponent and towards oneself. The conflict setting is also changing.

“The willingness to solve a problem by itself,” according to Helena Cornelius and Shoshana Fair, “does not mean that you are wrong. This means that you have given up on your attempts to prove the other side wrong: you are ready to forget the past and start over.”

Successful conflict resolution ultimately requires both parties to be willing to resolve it. But if such a desire is shown by at least one side, then this will give more opportunities to the other side for a counter step. In an interpersonal conflict, people seem to be mutually bound by mutual insults, claims and other negative emotions. It is quite difficult to take the first step towards resolving the conflict: each believes that the other must yield. Therefore, the willingness to resolve the conflict, shown by one of the parties, can play a decisive role in resolving the conflict as a whole.

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The article provides an analysis of such a phenomenon as interpersonal conflict. The most typical causes, main signs and features of interpersonal conflict, its varieties, the possibilities of prevention and overcoming are considered.

In psychological science, a conflict that arises during the interaction (communication, communication) of one individual (or several) with another (others) is commonly called interpersonal.

Interpersonal conflict is a kind of confrontation between participants in a particular situation, when they perceive events as a psychological problem that requires mandatory resolution in favor of either all or individual participants in such an interaction.

A mandatory phenomenon in interpersonal conflict in society is contradictions between people - obstacles in communication, communication, finding a common language or achieving individual goals, motives and interests.

Causes and signs of occurrence

The concept of interpersonal conflict has a number of features and characteristics:

• the presence of objective contradictions- they must be significant for each conflicting person;
• the need to overcome contradictions as a means of establishing relationships between the participants in a conflict situation;
• participants activity- actions (or lack of them) aimed at achieving their interests, or reducing contradictions.

The causes of interpersonal conflicts are very diverse and depend on the socio-psychological context of a particular situation, the characteristics of an individual, the nature of relationships between people, etc.

The classification of causes can be represented as follows:

1. Resource- reasons associated with limitations or insufficiency of material, human resources, their quantitative and qualitative indicators.
2. Interdependencies- act as the causes of conflicts in the course of the implementation of relations related to power, authority, the fulfillment of common tasks, emotional attachment, including kinship, sexual.
3. Target differences as the causes of conflicts are manifested in real or imaginary differences in the goals of the participants in the conflict, which are seen as a threat to the realization of their own results and expectations in a given situation.
4. Value-motivational differences as the cause of the conflict occur when approaches to assessing the situation, the actions of other people and their own, as well as the motives for actions, are incompatible.
5. Behavioral- the essence of these reasons is manifested in the differences in the life experience of the participants in the conflict, as well as in the manner of behaving in a certain situation.
6. Communication- Causes that arise in the course of improper communication.
7. Personal- these causes appear in the process of conflict participants in the conflict, when they show their individual and personal (personal) characteristics.

The causes of the conflict may vary depending on the specifics of its participants. So, in adolescence, the following become characteristic of a person:

• increased self-esteem (if it is hurt, the teenager tends to defend it through conflict interaction);
• unambiguity and ultimatum of moral assessments and criteria (everything and everything that does not correspond to the values ​​of a teenager is criticized);
• biased level of claims - overestimated or underestimated (the desire to prove something to the whole world or unreasonable pessimism and disbelief in one's own capabilities);
• maximalism in everything (there is no “golden mean”, which often leads to tension in relations with others).

In a family, the causes of interpersonal conflicts are also specific: from the banal incompatibility of characters or gender differences, to a mismatch in the understanding of family traditions and values ​​(raising children, sharing responsibilities, duties, etc.).

Types and structure

The structure of interpersonal conflict is quite simple and understandable. Conflictologists distinguish the following elements:

1. Members- all those who, one way or another, are involved in the conflict process. Types of participants: those who entered into the conflict directly, "support groups" of opposing individuals, neutral people (they are trying to win them over to their side), influential individuals (group leaders, bosses, moral authorities).
2. Subject- an imaginary or objectively existing problem, due to which there is a quarrel (discord) between the parties to the conflict.
3. An object- a value of a certain kind (spiritual, material, social), which is in the sphere of interests of the conflicting participants and which they seek to possess or use.
4. Micro and macro environment, in which the conflict proceeds at various stages and spheres: at the intrapersonal, personal, social, spatio-temporal level.

Typology and types of interpersonal conflicts have many varieties. Depending on the nature of the problems that are affected, conflicts are:

• valuable(conflicts over meaningful ideas and basic values ​​of the individual);
• interests(conflicts affect incompatible and conflicting interests, aspirations and goals of participants in a particular situation);
• normative(conflicts arise when rules and norms of behavior are violated in the course of interaction between individuals).

Depending on the dynamics of the conflict, they are divided into:

• sharp(occur here and now, affect significant events and values), as an example: deception in a married couple;
• protracted(last for a long period of time with medium, but constant, tension, affect problems that are significant for the individual) - conflict of generations, fathers and children;
• sluggish(not intense, flare up from time to time) - a conflict of people working together who are not suitable for each other in character.

Stages and consequences

Each conflict necessarily goes through certain stages and stages, which are characterized by the degree of intensity, duration and consequences:

1. Hidden, implicit stage interpersonal conflict. It is the foundation for the emergence of conflict and is found in the dissatisfaction of the individual with something - status in the team, unfair wages, the inability to possess something, inadequate assessment of others, etc. If the overcoming of internal displeasure is not carried out, the next stage develops.
2. Stage of tension. The conflict breaks out. This is where the positions of the participants in the conflict are formed and the opportunities to reduce the confrontation or increase it.
3. Confrontation stage. Antagonism intensifies in positions in conflicting relationships. There are active conflicts.
4. Completion stage. There is either a complete resolution of the conflict, when the parties were able to agree. Or partial completion - the conflict is preserved at a certain stage and tension is reduced. Or there is a complete break in the relations of the conflicting parties and the emergence of prerequisites for conflict at a deeper level.

Resolution methods

Ways to resolve interpersonal conflicts show the intentions of the participants in the conflict, strategies for building relationships in a tense situation:

1. offensive strategy manifests itself in the forceful scenario of conflict resolution. Only those who act in their own interests and impose them on the other conflicting side will win here. The means to achieve the result are dominance over others, emotional pressure, cunning and manipulation.
2. Avoidance and withdrawal strategy. In fact, the conflict is not resolved, but its tension is reduced by ignoring or changing the attitude towards the subject of the conflict. Or, here there are concessions by one of the parties to the conflict, a departure from their interests in order to maintain relationships.
3. Contract strategy. There is a choice of the optimal solution to the conflict through the procedure of negotiations and the achievement of a mutually beneficial result.

Prevention and principles of behavior in conflict

Conflict prevention and prevention is facilitated by a preliminary assessment of any tense situation in the relationship and response to it:

1. Conflict management should include mandatory meetings of the parties to the conflict, where the causes of the conflict and ways to overcome it are identified.
2. A necessary principle of behavior in a conflict is the setting of common goals for the conflicting parties, which are understood and accepted by everyone. This is how collaboration is formed.
3. An important principle of behavior is consent to the invitation of a mediator to resolve the conflict. It can be one person or a group of people who are equally trusted by both one and the other side of the confrontation. The decision of the mediator is unconditional and binding on all parties to the conflict.

Video: How Interpersonal Conflict Occurs