Self-esteem is an assessment of the value that, from the point of view of the individual, he represents as a person. She is credited with performing three functions: protection, regulation and development.

Types of self-assessment

Self-assessment is the assessment by the individual of his actions, judgments and thought forms. There is a division into types of self-esteem. So it is adequate, underestimated and overestimated. From what type the self-esteem of a particular person can be attributed, its behavior in the human community directly depends.

There is a common misconception that it is supposedly productive. However, this is not quite true. Any deviation from an adequate perception of oneself, one's abilities and one's position entails numerous problems in the psychological state, relationships with people and personal development.

Low self-esteem entails indecision and stiffness in their actions. It makes a person insecure, timid and prone to influence from other people. Often such people are afraid to express their point of view and feel guilty. They often become envious and vindictive, looking for any opportunities for self-assertion. Low self-esteem often develops at an early age. However, there are times when it also occurs in adults.

Inflated self-esteem introduces a person into a state of illusion about their real capabilities and their potential. Too high an assessment of one's own qualities often enters into dissonance with respect to the real achievements of a person and, accordingly, the opinion of the surrounding community. This can lead to conflicts, as an individual prone to inflated self-esteem will feel that he is underestimated. They are sure that they are superior to other people and constantly strive to prove it. This approach often leads to the fact that the people around them begin to avoid their company.

Self-esteem and self-confidence

There are two main factors that affect a person's ability to become successful, they are adequate self-esteem and self-confidence. They are directly related to each other. If a person has problems in adequately assessing his own capabilities, he will not be able to acquire constructive self-confidence. Such a person needs to analyze his actions and develop the ability to assess his qualities adequately, without exaggerating or underestimating their significance. The process of such a metamorphosis can take many years.

There are several traits that are characteristic of self-confident people:

• Expressing your needs on your own behalf, without hiding behind some formation (“I need” or “I want”, instead of “for people like me”);
• A positive assessment of their capabilities and the achievement of goals that are achievable, but not easy;
• Recognition of own achievements and own failures;
• Ability to express your thoughts and accept constructive criticism.
• Perception of the achievement of the set tasks as a factor of success, and, at the same time, in case of impossibility to achieve the set goals, an adequate assessment of the result and the search for more realistic tasks;
• Execution of tasks as they come, without forcing or postponing for later.

With adequate self-esteem, a person becomes a self-confident person. For its formation, it is necessary to make a lot of efforts in practice and to make a certain impact, evaluating the actions taken in the future.

Diagnostics of self-esteem

To determine the level of adequacy in assessing one's personality, potential and achievement, it is necessary to refer to such a factor as self-esteem diagnostics.

There is a huge variety of techniques that allow this to be done:

• Dembo-Rubinstein technique. It provides an opportunity to assess the three main parameters that determine self-esteem: height, realism and stability. The main thing in this technique is to pay attention to the comments that a person gives about his being at one level or another in these scales. To evaluate an individual, talking to him is key.
• Budassi method. It is based on the correlation of the qualities of the ideal "I" and the real one. This method relies on self-assessment of the individual. A person himself finds points of contact between his real characteristics and ideal ones. Or comparing yourself to other people.
• Cattell test. At the moment, it is a very popular method for assessing a personality and its key features. This questionnaire serves to determine 16 personality factors. One of them is self-esteem. Optimal are the average numbers in the result, which show adequate self-esteem.
• Method V. Shur. It can also be called a "ladder". Both group and individual options are available. Most often used on children. It consists in the fact that in front of a person, or a group of people, a staircase of seven steps is depicted. On the first one are “good” people, and on the seventh “bad” ones. And the person must determine his location himself.
• Timothy Leary test. It consists of a list of 128 judgments, divided into 8 types of relationships with 16 items each. They are ordered according to the degree of intensity in ascending order. A feature of this method is that the judgments are not grouped in a row, but in 4 types and are repeated at regular intervals.

There are also many other techniques. It is not possible to list everything in the format of one article.

Development of self-esteem

The development of self-esteem occurs constantly, throughout life. However, the most important stage is early childhood. Therefore, parents, as well as educators and teachers in kindergartens and primary schools, have a very significant influence. It is at this stage that the foundation of ideas about the world and one's position in it is laid.

The child primarily imitates those adults who surround him. It also seeks their approval. Thus, having no experience of resisting authoritative opinion, self-esteem, which is given to the child by parents, is accepted by him unquestioningly.

At preschool age, a stereotype of human behavior is formed. It is laid by parents along with the socialization of the individual. The child is taught to be courteous, sociable, modest. Often patterns of social behavior are also transmitted, which can eventually become an obstacle to achieving personal goals.

When surrounded by other children, the child begins to compare himself more with his peers, and not with his parents. Although adults still play a key role. Particularly the teachers. Here academic performance and adequacy to the norms of behavior in the school environment come to the fore. At this age, the basic labels of behavior are instilled.

Often this happens not quite adequately to the real picture, or even completely inadequate. a restless person will be called a bully. If he does not cope with the curriculum, then he will be called lazy. Such judgments are also taken on faith, being authoritative.

Approaching adulthood, a teenager takes less and less into account the opinions of elders, now taking the assessment of his peers as authority, since at this age a person strives to occupy his own specific niche in the social hierarchy. Initially, a person develops a critical attitude towards other people and only then towards himself and his actions. This often leads to the fact that the child may act unnecessarily cruelly towards other people. An important criterion for a person is belonging to a particular social group. If an individual does not feel accepted in one company or another, he will look for another where he will take his rightful place. Often it is this factor that plays a role in the fact that the child joins the "bad" company.

After graduating from school, having passed the transitional age, a person enters adulthood, already possessing the set of attitudes that have taken root in him from early childhood. They can be both “with a plus sign” and “with a minus sign”. A positive attitude promotes resilience in one's self-esteem and resilience in perceiving one's failures, which will be more like a regrouping.

Adequate self-esteem

In the human community, there are many truly talented and gifted people who could not reach the desired heights only because of their low self-esteem. Adequate self-esteem is the foundation on which you can build a strong dynamic of success. It can be assessed either in practice in achieving the set goals or with the help of the conclusions of specialists in this field.

Adequate self-esteem is expressed in a realistic view of oneself and one's own achievements. It allows a person to critically assess their capabilities, set goals that can be realized, and achieve them. There are many factors influencing its development. Among them are both the structure of one's own perception of oneself and the surrounding reality, and the influence of the judgments of people around.

An adequate assessment of one's personality brings a person a state of harmony and confidence in himself and his abilities. It helps not only to compensate for their negative qualities, but also to give a worthy realization to their talents.

A high self-evaluation

There is an opinion, often erroneous, that high self-esteem contributes to successful implementation in the human community. From the point of view of psychologists, this statement is very far from the truth. In fact, overestimated self-esteem is just as dangerous as underestimation, because it forms an inadequate idea of ​​yourself and the people around you. It contributes to the fact that a person perceives constructive criticism with hostility.

Such people often find in any case an attempt to hurt them. They react aggressively to any attempt to correct them or point out a flaw. In contrast to people with high self-esteem, people with adequate self-esteem are able to perceive the criticism of others and are aware of their shortcomings and defects. They do not feel threatened by the opinions of the people around them, and therefore are not in constant tension, expecting "aggression" from other people in their direction.

There are two signs of high self-esteem:

• Exaggerated judgment of oneself, one's personality, and one's abilities
• High level of narcissism

Although moderately high self-esteem is not so bad in itself, it has one dangerous property. If such an assessment is not supported by real achievements, a person may acquire the opposite, low self-esteem.

Raising self-esteem

More than 80 percent of people have low self-esteem. They are not able to adequately assess their abilities and qualities, being in captivity of constant self-criticism.

He can solve the problem of his own realization and achievement of both success in communication in his environment, and the achievement of certain career heights.

So what do you need to do to improve your self-esteem?

First of all, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. Always, in all cases, you can find a person more or less successful than you. You just need to be aware that your personal qualities are unique. You need to find your own strengths and positive traits.

If you receive a compliment, accept it gratefully. Don't give it up. And finally, change your environment. Since people who are constructive and thinking positively will be able to adequately perceive your qualities and will help increase your self-esteem. There should be more such people in your area of ​​communication than others.

Heightened self-esteem is an overestimation of one's own potential. Such self-assessment can reveal both positive influence and negative influence. Positive influence is expressed in the confidence of the subject. Negative influences include increased selfishness, disregard for the point of view or opinion of others, overestimation of one's own strengths.

Often, inadequately high self-esteem in case of failure and failure can plunge the individual into the abyss of a depressive state. Therefore, no matter how beneficial an overestimated self-esteem of a person is, it is still better to try to keep it under control.

Inflated self-esteem signs

An overestimated self-esteem of a person manifests itself more uniformly in comparison with an underestimated self-esteem. First of all, such a person puts himself above others, considers himself a luminary, and all the rest unworthy of him. However, the person himself does not always put himself above others, often the people themselves elevate him, but he is not able to adequately relate to such an assessment of himself, and pride seizes him. Moreover, she can stick to him so strongly that even when the moment of glory is far behind, pride remains with him.

Inadequately high self-esteem and its symptoms:

• a person is always sure of his own rightness, even if there are constructive arguments and arguments in favor of the opposite point of view;

• in any conflict situation or in a dispute, the individual is sure that the last phrase should remain with him and it does not matter to him what exactly this phrase will be;

• he completely denies the existence of an opposing opinion, rejects even the possibility that everyone has the right to their own point of view. If he nevertheless agrees with such a statement, he will be sure of the “incorrectness” of the interlocutor’s point of view, which is different from his;

• the subject is sure that if something does not work out for him, then in this situation it is not he who is guilty, but the surrounding society or the prevailing circumstances;

• he does not know how to ask for forgiveness and apologize;

• the individual constantly competes with colleagues and friends, always wanting to be better than others;

• he expresses his own point of view or principled positions all the time, even if no one is interested in his opinion, and no one asks to express it;

• in any discussion, a person very often uses the pronoun "I";

• he perceives any criticism directed at him as a manifestation of disrespect for his person, and with all appearance makes it clear that he is absolutely indifferent to the opinions of others about him;

• it is important for him to always be perfect and never make mistakes and misses;

• any failure or failure can knock him out of his working rhythm for a long time, he begins to feel depressed and irritable when he fails to do something or achieve the intended result;

• prefers to take only cases, the achievement of results in which is associated with difficulties, while, often, without even considering the possible risks;

• the individual is afraid to seem weak, defenseless or insecure to others;

• always prefers to put his own interests and hobbies in the first place;

• the individual is subject to excessive selfishness;

• he tends to teach the people around him about life, starting with any little thing, for example, how to fry potatoes, and ending with more global ones, for example, how to make money;

• in conversations, he likes to talk more than listen, so he constantly interrupts;

• his tone of conversation is characterized by arrogance, and any requests are more like an order;

• he strives to be the first and the very best in everything, and if this does not work out, he can fall into.

People with high self-esteem

The characteristic of inflated self-esteem lies in the fact that people suffering from such a “disease” have a distorted, in the direction of overestimation, idea of ​​their own person. They, as a rule, somewhere in the depths of their souls feel loneliness and dissatisfaction with themselves. It is often quite difficult for them to form relationships with the surrounding society, since the desire to see them better than they are in reality leads to arrogant, arrogant, defiant behavior. Sometimes their actions and deeds are even aggressive.

Individuals with high self-esteem are very fond of praising themselves, in conversation they constantly try to emphasize their own merits, and they can afford disapproving and disrespectful statements about strangers. In this way they assert themselves at the expense of the people around them and strive to prove to the whole universe that they are always right. Such people consider themselves better than everyone, and others are much worse than them.

Subjects with high self-esteem react painfully to any, even harmless, criticism. Sometimes they can even perceive it aggressively. The peculiarity of interaction with such people contains a requirement on their part that others constantly recognize their superiority.

Inflated self-esteem causes

More often, inadequate assessment towards overestimation arises as a result of improper family upbringing. Often, inadequate self-esteem is formed in a subject who was the only child in the family or the firstborn (less common). From early childhood, a kid feels like the center of attention and the main person in the house. After all, all the interests of family members are subject to his desires. Parents with tenderness on their faces perceive his actions. They indulge the child in everything, and he develops a distorted perception of his own "I" and an idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhis special place in the world. It begins to seem to him that the globe revolves around him.

Inflated self-esteem in a girl often depends on the circumstances associated with their forced existence in a harsh male world and the struggle for their personal place in society with chauvinists in their pants. After all, everyone strives to show a woman where her place is. In addition, high self-esteem in a girl is often associated with the external attractiveness of the face and body structure.

A man with inflated self-esteem imagines himself to be the center object of the universe. That is why he is indifferent to the interests of others and will not listen to the judgments of the "gray masses". After all, this is how he sees other people. Men's inadequate self-esteem is characterized by unreasonable confidence in their subjective rightness, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. Such men can still be called.

According to statistics, a woman with an overestimation of herself is much less common than a man with an overestimated self-esteem.

Overestimated and underestimated self-esteem

Self-esteem is an internal representation of the subject about himself, his own potential, his social role and life positions. It also determines the attitude towards society and the world as a whole. Self-esteem has three facets. So, for example, love for people begins with love for oneself, and can end on the side where love is already turning into low self-esteem.

The upper limit of self-assessment is an overestimated self-esteem, as a result of which the individual perceives his personality incorrectly. He sees not the real himself, but a far-fetched image. Such an individual incorrectly perceives the surrounding reality and his place in the world, idealizes his external data and internal potential. He considers himself smarter and more sensible, much more beautiful than those around him and more successful than everyone else.

A subject with inadequate self-esteem always knows and knows how to do everything better than others, knows the answers to any questions. Inflated self-esteem and its causes may be different, for example, a person strives to achieve a lot, become a successful banker or a famous athlete. Therefore, he goes ahead to achieve his goal, not noticing either friends or relatives. For him, his own individuality becomes a kind of cult, and he considers those around him to be a gray mass. However, high self-esteem can often hide a lack of confidence in one's own potential and strengths. Sometimes inflated self-esteem is just a kind of protection from the outside world.

Inflated self-esteem - what to do? To begin with, you should try to recognize the uniqueness of each individual person. Everyone has the right to their own point of view, which may be true, despite the fact that it does not coincide with yours. Below are a few rules for bringing self-esteem back to normal.

During a conversation, try not only to listen to the speaker, but also to hear him. You should not adhere to the erroneous opinion that others can only talk nonsense. Believe that in many areas they can understand much better than you. After all, a person cannot be an expert in everything. Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes, because they only help to gain experience.

Do not try to prove anything to anyone, each person is beautiful in his own individuality. Therefore, you should not stick out your best features all the time. Do not get depressed if you could not achieve the desired result, it is better to analyze the situation for why it happened, what you did wrong, what is the reason for the failure. Understand that if something didn’t work out for you, then it happened through your fault, and not the fault of the surrounding society or circumstances.

Consider the fact that everyone has flaws as an axiom and try to accept that you are also not perfect and that you have negative traits. It is better to work on and correct shortcomings than to close your eyes to them. And for this, learn adequate self-criticism.

Low self-esteem is manifested in the negative attitude of the individual towards himself. Such individuals tend to belittle their own achievements, virtues and positive traits. The causes of low self-esteem can be different. So, for example, self-esteem may decrease due to the negative suggestion of society or self-hypnosis. Also, its causes can come from childhood, as a result of improper parental upbringing, when adults constantly told the baby that he was bad or compared with other kids not in his favor.

If a child’s self-esteem is overestimated and he notices only positive traits in himself, then it will hardly be easy for him to build relationships with other children in the future, together with them to find solutions to issues and come to a consensus. Such kids are more conflicted than their peers and are more likely to “give up” when they fail to achieve the set results or goals that correspond to their self-image.

A characteristic of a child's inflated self-esteem is his overestimation of himself. It often happens that parents or other significant relatives tend to overestimate the achievements of the baby, while tirelessly admiring any of his actions, intelligence, quick wits. This leads to the emergence of the problem of socialization and intrapersonal conflict, when the child enters the environment of peers, where he transforms from “the very best” into “one of the group”, where it turns out that his skills are not so outstanding, but the same as those of others or even worse, which is even more difficult for a child to experience. In this case, overestimated self-esteem can sharply become underestimated and cause mental trauma in the baby. The severity of the injury will depend on the age at which the child has joined an alien environment for him - the older he is, the more he will experience intrapersonal conflict.

In connection with inadequately high self-esteem, the child develops an incorrect perception of himself, an idealized image of his "I", his own potential and value for the surrounding society. Such a child emotionally rejects everything that can violate his idea of ​​himself. As a result, the perception of reality is distorted, and the attitude towards it is transformed into an inadequate one, perceived only at the level of emotions. Children with high self-esteem are characterized by difficulties in communication.

The child has high self-esteem - what to do? A huge role in the formation of children's self-esteem is played by the interested attitude of parents, their approval and praise, encouragement and support. All this stimulates the activity of the child, his cognitive processes, form the morality of the baby. However, it is also necessary to praise properly. There are a few general rules for when not to praise a child. If the baby has achieved something not with the help of his own labor - physical, mental or spiritual, then there is no need to praise him. Also, the beauty of the child is not subject to approval. After all, he did not achieve this himself; nature rewards the spiritual or external beauty of children. It is by no means recommended to praise for his toys, clothes or random finds. Feeling sorry or wanting to be liked is also not a good reason for praise. Remember that excessive praise can backfire.

The constant approval of everything that the child does or does not do leads to the formation of inadequate self-esteem in him, which subsequently negatively affects the process of his socialization and interpersonal interaction.

Life proves that you can never be better than what you think of yourself; those. your self-esteem, based on a sense of agreement with yourself.

E. Robert

A high self-evaluation… Who is its happy owner? And what are the advantages of a person with high self-esteem in front of a person with low or low self-esteem.

A high self-evaluation is actually self-confidence. And self-confidence is a personality trait that should be considered from three angles:

• it is the belief that there is something more in you than you think about yourself, i.e. hidden potential
• it is the belief that in a difficult situation you can rely on yourself
• this is the answer to the question “What do I represent in this world: a bright personality or gray mediocrity?”

Man with high self-esteem has a number of advantages over a person with low self-esteem.

A person with high self-esteem is characterized by:

1. Optimistic view of the world, awareness of the power of positive thinking, understanding of the colossal opportunities that life gives him.

2. Awareness of being the master of your own life.

3. Acceptance of oneself as he is (this also applies to external data).

4. Moderate attitude towards the world of things (shopaholism and materialism are not included in the system of his values).

5. No need to compare yourself to other people and compete.

6. Assertiveness - a "moderate" attitude towards the opinions of other people. The ability to defend one's position in life, while maintaining a respectful attitude towards other people.

7. Recognition of one's abilities and talents. Awareness of the uniqueness of one's own personality.

8. The ability to accept praise and compliments addressed to you.

10. Taking responsibility for your decisions and actions on yourself.

11. The absence of bad habits, which may include gluttony and malnutrition, smoking, drug and alcohol use, and much more.

It is important to realize that the formation high self-esteem- not selfishness, but a deep understanding that you are a unique and worthy person, a person who does not need to imitate others with his achievements or well-being. Developing self-confidence is not just a way to become a happy person, It is the foundation upon which all life must be built..

What contributes to the formation of high self-esteem?

1. Defining and realizing your life purpose. Only a person who follows his true path can respect himself, benefit other people and receive satisfaction from life.

2. Continuous self-improvement and self-development of personality. Regular implementation of a personal growth program and unleashing spiritual potential.

3. Creative self-development. After all, each of us is endowed with creative potential from birth. And if the creative abilities of a person are not realized, they are transformed into negative emotions, dissatisfaction with life and self-doubt.

Dear friend! Formation high self-esteem does not happen by magic. This is not a single day's work, but a very exciting process. Invite you subscribe to my newsletter (under the left menu of this site) and start purposeful work on gaining self-confidence, determining your life purpose and planning your achievements right now.

In psychology, such a concept as self-esteem is actively used. It affects human behavior, decision-making in various situations, attitude towards the world and oneself. There are several types of self-esteem, among which the most acceptable is overestimated. It is better to show signs of overestimation than underestimation. What are the reasons for its appearance?

What is self-esteem? This is an assessment of a person himself. The most surprising thing is that some types of self-esteem are based on the individual's assessment of himself, while others are based on the assessment given by others. Thus, self-esteem is how a person sees himself. What this opinion is based on already affects what kind of self-esteem a person develops.

There are the following types of self-assessment:

• “I +, You +” - a stable self-esteem, which is based on a positive attitude towards others and oneself.
• “I-, You +” - in which a person shows such a quality as self-flagellation. A person feels worse, lower and more unhappy than the rest.
• “I +, You-” - an overestimated self-esteem based on the search for flaws, hatred of others and confirmation of the position that people around are bad. Usually such a person blames everyone except himself, and considers others "goats", "idiots" and other names.

A person is not born with self-esteem. It develops throughout life. Often it becomes the same as it was with parents, which is explained by the qualities of character and the attitude that a person adopts from his mom and dad.

It is believed that it is better to have an overestimated than an underestimated self-esteem. There are indeed advantages to such self-assessment, which should be discussed on the psychological help website.

What is high self-esteem?

What is high self-esteem? It is understood as an overestimation of one's own potential by an individual. In other words, a person thinks of himself better than he really is. This is why it is said that people with high self-esteem are often out of touch with reality. They evaluate themselves biased, most often they notice shortcomings in others, rather than virtues. To some extent, this can be associated with the reluctance of the individual to see the good in others, against which they will notice their own shortcomings.

Inflated self-esteem means to see only advantages behind you, ignoring the shortcomings. At the same time, other people seem weak, stupid, underdeveloped. That is, a person sees only other people's shortcomings, not paying attention to the existing advantages.

However, not everything is so simple with inflated self-esteem. Its appeal lies in the fact that a person with such self-esteem experiences absolute self-confidence. He does not doubt himself, does not humiliate, does not suppress. He is confident in his own abilities - this is the positive side of inflated self-esteem.

The negative side can be:

1. Disregard for the opinions and interests of others.
2. Reassessment of one's own strengths.

It is noted that high self-esteem, like low self-esteem, can plunge a person into a depressive state. This happens when there are multiple failures. A depressive state can be described as "I-, You-", that is, a person sees the bad in himself and in others.

Signs of high self-esteem

Inflated self-esteem can be easily identified by its characteristic features. The most remarkable thing that catches the eye is that a person rises above those around him. This can happen both at his will, and because people themselves put him on a pedestal. Inflated self-esteem is an attitude towards oneself as God, a king, a leader, and a vision of others as insignificant, unworthy people.

Other signs of high self-esteem are:

• Belief in one's own rightness, despite the fact that evidence and arguments can be given to confirm the opposite point.
• The belief in the existence of only one correct point of view - his personal one. A person cannot even accept that there can be another opinion, especially if it is the opposite. Even if he suddenly takes someone else's point of view, he will definitely consider it wrong.
• Leaving the last word behind. A person is sure that it is he who must draw conclusions and determine what to do next and how things are.
• Inability to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
• Belief in the guilt of other people and the environment in their own troubles. If something doesn't work out, other people are to blame. If an individual achieves success, then it is all thanks to him.
• Constant rivalry with others for the right to be called the best.
• The desire to be perfect and not make mistakes.
• Expressing your opinion even when it is not asked. A person is sure that other people always want to hear his opinion.
• Frequent use of the pronoun "I".
• The onset of irritability and feeling "unsettled" when failures and misses occur.
• Disdainful attitude to someone else's criticism. The person believes that criticism is disrespect towards him, so he does not pay attention to it.
• Failure to calculate risk. A person is always ready to take on difficult and risky business.
• Fear of appearing weak, insecure, defenseless in front of others.
• Excessive selfishness.
• Personal interests and hobbies that are always put in the first place.
• A tendency to interrupt, as he prefers to talk rather than listen.
• The tendency to teach others, even if it is about some little things. This happens even when he is not asked to teach anything.
• The tone of an arrogant character, and requests - orders.
• The desire to be the very best in everything, the first. Otherwise, he becomes depressed.

People with high self-esteem

It is easy enough to identify people with high self-esteem by their arrogant and haughty behavior. In the depths of their souls, they can feel loneliness and longing, dissatisfaction with themselves. However, on the outer plane, they always try to be on top. More often they are not the best, but they always perceive themselves as such and strive to seem to be. At the same time, they can treat others with arrogance, defiance, arrogance.

If you talk to a person with high self-esteem, you can trace one line - he is good, and other people are bad. And this happens all the time. A person with an overestimation of himself sees only dignity in himself. And when it comes to others, here he is ready to talk only about their shortcomings and weaknesses. If the conversation starts to go in the direction that others are good, and he turns out to be bad in something, then he falls into or aggression.

Thus, criticism of them always provokes negative emotions. They begin to react negatively to those who criticize them.

The only thing they expect from others is confirmation of the position that they are superior in everything. This happens through praise, approval, admiration and other manifestations towards people with high self-esteem.

Causes of high self-esteem

Self-esteem begins to form from childhood, so the reasons for its overestimation can be found in improper upbringing. Inflated self-esteem is the result of the behavior of parents who constantly admire, touch and indulge their child in everything. Whatever he does, everything is right. Whatever it is, it's all good. As a result, the child forms an opinion about his own "I" as absolutely ideal and perfect.

Inflated self-esteem in a girl is often hypertrophied when she is forced to take her place in the male world. Often it is based on external data: beauties always overestimate themselves than non-beauties.

In men, inflated self-esteem is formed on the belief that they are the center of the universe. If this is confirmed by the behavior of other people, especially women, then self-esteem grows. Such men are often narcissists.

There are much more people with high self-esteem among men than among women, which psychologists associate with the norms of upbringing of both sexes.

Overestimated and underestimated self-esteem

The opposite of high self-esteem is low self-esteem. Self-esteem is an internal assessment of a person himself, his potential, life position and social status. This affects how he will live, treat himself and others.

• Inflated self-esteem is characterized by an incorrect assessment of oneself in the direction of elevation. A person does not see himself as real, but evaluates a far-fetched image. He considers himself better than others in everything. He idealizes his potential and external data. It seems to a person that his life should be better than others. That is why he is ready to go over the heads of even friends and relatives.
• Low self-esteem is also the result of improper upbringing, but when parents constantly argued that the child was bad and other children were better than him. It is characterized by a negative assessment of oneself and one's potential. Often it is based on the opinions of others or self-hypnosis.

Overestimated and underestimated self-esteem are extremes when a person does not see the real state of affairs.

That is why it is proposed to remove distortions in your character. For example, inflated self-esteem is proposed to be removed by the following methods:

1. Listen to someone else's opinion and consider it also correct.
2. Listen to others silently.
3. See your own shortcomings, which are often hidden behind a screen of inflated self-esteem.

Inflated self-esteem in a child

The formation of inflated self-esteem in a child begins from childhood, when the baby obeys parental upbringing. It is formed on the behavior of parents who admire any little things that the baby shows - his mind, quick wit, first step, etc. Parents seem to ignore his shortcomings, never punish, but always encourage in everything.

The inability of the child to see his shortcomings leads to a lack of socialization. When he gets into a peer group, he cannot understand why he is not admired, as his parents did. Among other children, he is “one of”, and not “the most-most”. This can cause aggression towards children, who may be better than him in some way.

As a result, the child has many difficulties in establishing contacts with others. He does not want to lower his self-esteem, while aggressively treating everyone who seems better than him or criticizes.

In order not to develop inflated self-esteem in a child, parents should understand when and for what to praise him:

• You can praise for the actions that the baby himself did.
• They do not praise for beauty, toys, clothes, etc.
• They do not praise for everything, even for the smallest.
• Do not praise for feeling sorry or wanting to please.

Outcome

All people have self-esteem. Inflated self-esteem is in second place in terms of frequency of distribution. It seems that it is better to have it than low self-esteem. However, often the result of inadequate overestimation of self-esteem is a sharp transition to its underestimation.

Psychology of Personality. A high self-evaluation

At every moment of time, each of us evaluates himself in one way or another, positively or negatively. Therefore, each person understands well what is at stake when they talk about self-esteem and can ask themselves at any time, what is my self-esteem now? What prevails in it, good or bad? However, it is not easy to give a clear definition of the concept of self-esteem. Self-esteem has many sides: it is a person's attitude towards himself, the feeling that we experience in relation to ourselves, the idea of ​​​​self.

The problem of self-esteem was dealt with a lot by the American psychologist Virginia Satir. She believes that high self-esteem, which consists in a person's ability to honestly, lovingly and worthily evaluate himself, is the basis of psychological well-being.

As V. Satir notes, as a rule, people with high self-esteem have the following qualities:

◦ Such a person creates around him an atmosphere of honesty, responsibility, compassion and love.
◦ He feels important and necessary, feels that the world has become better because he exists in it,
◦ He trusts himself, but is able to ask for help from others.
◦Through a sense of self-worth, a person is able to see, respect and accept the high value of other people.
◦ Such a person never uses rules that would be contrary to his feelings, but on the other hand, he never follows his feelings.

Note that the possession of high self-esteem does not at all guarantee a constant feeling of success and the absence of life's defeats or failures. A person with high self-esteem does not always feel at his best, he can face life's difficulties, experience negative emotions. But high self-esteem allows such a person not to hide from difficulties. He is ready to admit and accept the experience of his own failure, not to turn a blind eye to it and not to behave as if it does not exist. He perceives difficulties as temporary, as a natural result of the crisis that has arisen, which may turn out to be the beginning of some new opportunities.

If a person's self-esteem is not high enough, then such a person, as a rule, will deny the existence of any life troubles, ignore negative experiences and in any situation behave as if everything is in order. This reaction to life's difficulties can be a sign that we underestimate and do not recognize ourselves and, as a rule, only exacerbate them.

At the same time, low self-esteem makes a person accumulate experience of failure, mistakes, defeats, which can form a feeling of own failure or even hopelessness. Therefore, as V. Satir writes, people with low self-esteem are characterized by constant fear. Such a person constantly foresees something unpleasant in the future.

How is self-esteem formed?

The first five years of life are the most important for the formation of self-esteem. At this time, the child focuses only on the assessments that people around him give him as individuals.

In adulthood, various factors influence the formation of self-esteem: our relationships with loved ones (friends, parents, loved one), our educational and professional successes or failures, and much more.

The process of communication plays a huge role in the formation of self-esteem. How we are perceived by other people influences our perception of ourselves. Here, every word, facial expression, gesture or intonation addressed to us by another person can be important, although as a rule we are not aware of our reaction to them.

V. Satir suggests conducting such an experiment: in dealing with people who are significant to you, carefully monitor what happens to you when they contact you. What reaction does the other person’s words evoke in you: a sense of self-worth or, on the contrary, a feeling of humiliation?

What helps maintain high self-esteem?

First, maintaining high self-esteem helps to be attentive and caring about your own feelings and experiences. At any time, especially in a difficult or tense situation, it is useful to answer yourself the following questions:

What do I feel now?

What is happening to me now?

How do I react to what is happening?

How do I feel about my reaction?

To better understand what high or low self-esteem is, it is also useful to analyze our past life experiences:

At what point in your life did your spirits lift and you feel deeply self-worth?

What events did it involve?

What were your feelings, feelings, experiences in those days?

We can recall other situations when we made some kind of mistake or mistake, felt powerless and humiliated. Although such memories may bring some pain, they allow you to look at the difficulties experienced from a new perspective:

What feelings did you experience in these situations?

What was especially unpleasant for you?

What have these situations taught you?

What would you do differently now?

Maintaining high self-worth is possible only if we maintain special honest, trusting and sincere relationships with other people. As V. Satir writes, “a sense of self-worth can only be formed in an atmosphere where any individual differences are accepted, where love is expressed openly, where mistakes serve to gain new experience, where communication is frank and trusting, and the rules of behavior do not turn into frozen dogmas, where personal responsibility and honesty of each is an integral part of the relationship.”
Of course, the relationships described above can be viewed as an ideal to strive for, but how our relationships with others are built very much depends on us. It is in our power to accept the people around us as they are, to openly express our feelings, to behave towards them with respect, responsibility and honesty, and as a rule, this style of behavior has a huge impact on our relationships.

Inflated self-esteem implies abnormal egoism and the desire for an ideal in all endeavors on the part of a person. Such people can rarely find a partner close in their interests, because they usually cause irritation and anger from others. Under the outer mask of a successful and independent person, one can find a vulnerable and dissatisfied person with his own life.

The psychological norm is the presence of adequate self-esteem, when a person adaptively perceives the surrounding people and life situations. Every disappointment in life and deviation from the set goal exposes such egoists to a protracted depression. Overestimated self-esteem, as well as underestimated, requires mandatory adjustment by specialists.

You can identify signs of an overestimated self-esteem in an opponent if you watch him from the side during a meeting or conversation. The psychology of the personality of such a person implies the presence of certain traits in character:

• Being right and having the only correct opinion and solution to any problem is the main argument in any dialogue. The opponent's options are not perceived by him, even if they have a clear justification and an extensive evidence base. For such people, accepting someone else's point of view in the presence of their own is tantamount to betraying oneself.
• During a conflict or dispute, a person with high self-esteem does not leave a single phrase or action from the opposing side without comment. It is extremely important for him to leave the last word to himself, while the outcome of the dispute or conflict does not matter.
• A clearly expressed own opinion excludes the presence of any other. Even if such a person aloud agrees with another, then in his thoughts he is still sure that he is right.
• Problems in business, work, at home and in all other areas never occur through his fault. It's all about circumstances and the environment.
• People with high self-esteem will never admit their guilt to the end. It is extremely difficult for them to fully understand the problem, understand the reasons and apologize to the opponent.
• The whole life of a person with high self-esteem is built on endless competitions and competitive races. This happens among friends, colleagues, casual acquaintances and even relatives. It is always important to remain a leader and be a few points above others. As soon as a more successful person appears in some matter, he inevitably becomes a rival.
• In the course of a conversation, the pronoun "I" often slips. It seems that the interlocutor is clearly pulling the blanket over himself.
• He always tries to clearly define his position and express an opinion, even if there is no justification for this and it is of no interest to anyone.
• Does not accept criticism. Any impartial opinion in his direction, albeit justified, causes discontent and denial. The critical person becomes unpleasant to him.
• The presence of inflated self-esteem does not allow mistakes and failures, the pursuit of the ideal in everything becomes the main goal in life.
• Defeat or partial failure in the planned business plunges into a stupor, causes irritability and depressive behavior.
• Often takes risks, choosing the most difficult solutions. In search of another overwhelming task, sometimes he does not even study all the requirements and the other side of the coin to the end.
• The worst thing for this person is to show the true inside, which is not alien to pain, suffering, failure, etc. It is simply unacceptable for him to be defenseless and unsure of himself.
• Personal interests, entertainment and desires always come first, the interests of a partner do not matter.
• There is a tendency to teach others anything.
• He loves to talk and to be listened to attentively at this moment. He very rarely acts as a listener, only if it is beneficial for him. In a conversation, he always interrupts and is inattentive towards his interlocutor.
• The tone of the conversation can be described as arrogant. Requests and wishes are more like orders.

Thus, it can be argued that people with high self-esteem cannot give an adequate description of themselves and their actions. Raising themselves above others, they often face loneliness and misunderstanding. This leads to aggression and conflicts in the social environment. Increased attention to one's personality, unwillingness to accept other points of view and defiant behavior cannot go unnoticed. It is quite difficult to communicate with such a person.

High conceit constantly pushes for excellence. Those around him have no other choice but to admire and bow, thereby expressing approval and praise for any of his actions.

The reasons

Causes of high self-esteem most often rooted in childhood. The only child in the family is most susceptible to it. In the process of growth and development, he has no competition among brothers and sisters. Each act receives approval and praise among relatives. Without realizing it, the kid seeks to earn as much praise as possible in his address, even without objective reasons. There is no one better - only he is able to please loved ones. The self-image is much higher than it is in reality. The first problems with perception arise when entering the social environment, it can be a school, college, sports section, work, etc.

There is another mechanism for the development of this mental phenomenon, when high self-esteem is a protective reaction from the outside world and relatives as well. The presence of children's fears and complexes, instilled by parents or peers, push the child to withdraw into himself. Most often this happens in adolescence, when the final formation of personality takes place. At this moment, the teenager is trying to prove something to others and demonstrate his uniqueness and superiority. Often takes on overwhelming tasks and, not getting the desired result, closes in on himself with even greater force, expressing aggression.

In adulthood, self-esteem can rise sharply at work, for example, when a girl comes to the staff, where there are only men or the majority of them. A lot of attention is focused on her, she receives a lot of compliments with or without reason. The perception of oneself is distorted. There is an inner conviction that in ordinary life it will be the same. She begins to demand attention in her circle of friends and relatives. Faced with competition among girlfriends or strangers, when the chances of making a first impression are equalized, there is discomfort and a desire to prove that only she is worthy of increased interest.

One-time success or popularity contributes to the development of high self-esteem. At work, frequent praise from management or a promotion elevates the individual several levels above the rest of the employees. The feeling of unsurpassedness quickly absorbs the mind, and a person gradually acquires such qualities as arrogance, selfishness and narcissism. This mechanism of development in psychology is called the "star" syndrome. Success ends, the demand for services decreases, popularity fades, but the desire to be above everyone else remains. Such a person begins to show aggression and demand the same attitude, without doing anything for this.

Positive and negative sides

From a scientific point of view, inflated self-esteem is a deviation from the norm. It is believed that for optimal social adaptation, an adequate perception of oneself is necessary. Everyone who has a similar ailment should strive to get rid of negative personal qualities. But there is another point of view, when psychologists recommend using the qualities acquired in the process of development, achieving great heights.

Inflated self-esteem has certain advantages and disadvantages. Arguing on the topic of whether it is good or bad to be an egoist, there will be supporters for each answer, because this is a relative concept. Many people with obvious signs of selfishness have become successful and famous personalities.

Advantages

People with high self-esteem have faith in themselves and their intentions. Expressed ambition allows you to take on the most daring projects and achieve high results in your career. The leaders of large holdings often lean towards ambitious young people, because due to their courage and determination, you can get a lot of benefits. Such individuals love themselves, usually look nice and neat.

High conceit constantly pushes such people to develop and achieve new heights. The unwillingness to acknowledge negative criticism does not prevent them from going to the intended goal and doing only those actions that they themselves seem more appropriate. Distrust of others allows you to avoid crafty envious people and ill-wishers in life situations.

Flaws

Overestimation of one's capabilities often leads to disappointment and other negative consequences. Inadequate perception of the situation and unwillingness to accept a third-party point of view leads to conflicts. Grandiose plans and anticipation of the desired result make such people become depressed. Frequent mood swings and impulsiveness negatively affect the building of interpersonal relationships. Most often, such individuals are careerists and do not take into account the opinions of colleagues, it is difficult for them to work in a team.

In their personal lives, when building love relationships, people with high self-esteem are more likely to fail. It is easier for them to be single, and the presence of a partner nearby complicates the development of events. It is extremely difficult to find a person who will indulge in everything and endlessly admire and support an egoist.

You can cope with high self-esteem on your own or by visiting a psychologist. The development of such a state in early childhood is difficult to correct to adequate perception, because a person does not know how to live differently. It is necessary to rid a person with high self-esteem only of those qualities that hinder adaptation in society.

Hello dear friends!

Have you ever come across people suffering from narcissism syndrome? Or maybe you have noticed similar manifestations in yourself? Then today's article will be very useful for those individuals who are trying to overcome the reverse effect of an inferiority complex.

Inflated self-esteem is a categorical overestimation of one's own merits and potential. A person with such a piquant sense of self has a distorted and overestimated idea of ​​himself, which is expressed in behavior.

Are there any advantages in such a behavioral norm of self-expression? Yes, high self-esteem can act as an engine that stimulates the inexhaustible development of self-esteem and strength.

But in fact, people in this category experience strong dissatisfaction with both personal and professional qualities. As a rule, they have a hard time building relationships with opponents due to the fact that they cannot adequately perceive and pay attention to other individuals.

The reasons

Why is this happening? The reason lies in the fact that a person who vividly expresses his virtues often sins by excessively embellishing his abilities.

They want to appear better than they really are, and this leads to the fact that the most base and arrogant side of their soul is torn out in a distorted form.

People with high self-esteem love to praise their loved ones, attributing to themselves simple merits, which, unfortunately, are not confirmed. The presentation of their superpowers can sometimes reach an aggressive demeanor or even intrusive.

In addition, a person literally and deliberately can afford to speak about the skills of other people in a negative way, focusing on the fact that only he has the right to talk about merit.

Such a demonstration of achievements is caused by the desire to assert oneself at the expense of others. The individual is maniacally determined to prove to the whole world that the truth is on his side and that he is the most-most ever born. And at the same moment, he very clearly makes it clear that the rest of the people are no match for him! In a word - fools!

How is the desire to prove superiority born?

Before thinking about how frightening the consequences can be, the science of psychology recommends understanding the cause of the manifestation of the syndrome " I am the best!».

The complex of the "star" or the Lord of Russia is most often formed in early childhood and most likely in a child who grows up as the only child in the family. He has a sense of himself as the king of the atmosphere. Because he constantly has unlimited attention, free from competition between a brother or sister.

This is because all the interests of the family are focused on his beloved. Adults with joy and immense tenderness perceive any actions of the baby, laying the thought of an unhealthy feature in the head. Growing up, such a person still strives to find beliefs that the whole world revolves around him.

In truth, excessive self-confidence is still the same, but on the other hand and in profile. Not a small reason lies in too low self-esteem. And self-confidence in this case plays the role of a protective barrier and bunker.

But there are other mechanisms that can provoke an attack. So:

• children's fears, complexes or (the desire to prove to relatives and others that he is not an empty place);
• working conditions: the only man in the team or an employee who has succeeded in the effectiveness of his work (one-time, like a flash);
• publicity, especially sudden;
• propensity to be influenced (we are talking about participation in the movement for increasing self-esteem, development, etc.)

How to recognize the symptoms?

Revealing the owner of an inflated ego is quite simple. This is because the manifestation of "illness" is always typical and monotonous. People with inflated self-esteem are too similar to each other in their beloved narcissism.

If you hear phrases like: " I am the most successful», « only i can know», « I'm smarter than everyone else", etc., then be sure that in front of you is "Common Narcissus".

But in order to try to solve the problem of deliverance, you need to understand the signs of a cunning disease for further correction of behavior and worldview. So you can watch:

How to overcome self-confidence and return it to normal?

1. Analysis of the situation

Conduct a systematic analysis of failures and strive to identify the "guilty" of what happened. Every time the desire to put the blame on someone else begins to outweigh, try to evaluate your own contribution to what happened.

2. Communications and communities

In relations with people, it is worth adhering to the "golden mean". This means that you should not ascribe a level of insignificance to yourself, but it is also not necessary to demonstrate jumps above the heads of others. Refuse to criticize colleagues, acquaintances and people you do not know. Reduce the level of personal importance and try to hear the interlocutor.

Ask more questions, be interested in their lives, successes and present yours as needed and appropriate. Learn to give compliments and admit failures. After all, we are all people, not machines.

3. Work on yourself

In order to evaluate your own and skills as objectively as possible, I recommend that you write out your merits and areas for study on a piece of paper.

After analyzing your own pros and cons, examine each item carefully and with the help of critical thinking. It may happen that their significance will be exaggerated.

4. Meeting with a reflection of yourself

Carl Jung stated that the most important meeting in our life is the meeting with ourselves. Until you look at yourself frankly and honestly, the situation will not change. As a result, you will live your days in a fictional and illusory world, offending people.

A person with high self-esteem is most afraid of such a meeting. Indeed, in order to achieve what was planned, a reserve of courage and determination is needed. Perhaps it's time to open your eyes to the inner world, and not to external tinsel and opinions?

Be sure to subscribe to blog updates and advise your friends to read it. Suggest other ways to get rid of it in the comments!

See you on the blog, bye bye!

In my practice, I constantly face the question that clients ask me: "Why do people treat me this way, what is wrong with my self-esteem?" First, let's understand what self-esteem is in principle. This is an assessment of oneself, one's strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem is:

• underestimated - underestimation of one's own strengths;
• overestimated - overestimation of one's own strengths;
• normal - an adequate assessment of oneself, one's own strengths in certain life situations, in setting one's goals and objectives, in an adequate perception of the world, in communicating with people.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

1. The attitude of others as an indicator. As a person treats himself, so others treat him. If he does not love himself, does not respect and does not value himself, then he is faced with the same attitude of people towards himself.
2. Inability to manage one's own life. A person believes that he cannot cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing in this life depends on him, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his abilities and strengths, he either does nothing at all, or shifts the responsibility for the choice to others.
3. Tendency to blame others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it suits them, they self-flagellate in order to be pitied. And if they want not pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.
4. The desire to be good, to please, to please, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one's personal desires.
5. Frequent claims to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others, constantly blaming them, thereby removing the responsibility for failures from themselves. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that the best defense is an attack.
6. Focusing on your weaknesses rather than your strengths. In particular, excessive criticality to their appearance. A sign of low self-esteem is pickiness to one's appearance, constant dissatisfaction with one's figure, eye color, height and body in general.
7. Permanent nervousness, baseless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from the loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure that has occurred, criticism from the outside, a failed exam (interview), etc.
8. Loneliness or vice versa - fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: "You cannot love someone like me."
9. The development of addictions, addictions as a way of temporary escape from reality.
10. Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Failure to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence / suppression of one's own desires.
11. Closure, closed off from people. Feeling sorry for yourself. Inability to accept compliments. The permanent state of the victim. As they say, the victim will always find an executioner.
12. Heightened sense of guilt. He tries on critical situations for himself, not sharing his guilt and the role of the circumstances. He accepts any disassembly in relation to himself as to the culprit of the situation, because this will be the "best" confirmation of his inferiority.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself?

1. Arrogance. A person puts himself above others: "I'm better than them." Constant rivalry as a way to prove this, "bulging" to show off their merits.
2. Closeness as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the idea that others are below him in status, intelligence and other qualities.
3. Confidence in one's own rightness and constant proof of this as the "salt" of life. He must always have the last word. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, others should dance to his tune.
4. Setting high goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, rots himself.
5. The inability to admit their mistakes, to apologize, to ask for forgiveness, to lose. Fear of evaluation. Painful reaction to criticism.
6. Fear of making a mistake, appearing weak, defenseless, insecure.
7. The inability to ask for help as a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, it is more like a demand, an order.
8. Focus only on yourself. Puts own interests and hobbies first.
9. The desire to teach the lives of others, "poke" them into the mistakes they have made and show how it should be on the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity. Arrogance.
10. The predominance of the pronoun "I" in speech. In conversations, he says more than he does. Interrupts interlocutors.

What are the reasons for self-esteem failures?

childhood trauma, the causes of which can be any significant event for the child, and there are a huge number of sources.

oedipal period. Age from 3 to 6-7 years. On an unconscious level, the child acts out partnerships with their parent of the opposite sex. And the way a parent behaves will affect the self-esteem of the child and his building a scenario for relationships with the opposite sex in the future.

Teenage years. Age 13 to 17-18 years old. A teenager is looking for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself by asking the question: "Who am I?"

Certain attitudes towards children from significant adults(lack of affection, love, attention), as a result of which children may begin to feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, unrecognized, etc.

Some patterns of parenting behavior, which subsequently passes to children and becomes already their behavior in life. For example, low self-esteem in the parents themselves, when the same projections are superimposed on the child.

The only child in the family when all attention is focused on him, everything is only for him, when there is an inadequate assessment of his abilities by his parents. From here comes an overestimated self-esteem, when a child cannot adequately assess his strengths and abilities. He begins to believe that the whole world is only for him, everyone owes him, there is an accentuation only on himself, the cultivation of egoism.

Low assessment by parents and relatives of the child, his abilities and actions. The child is not yet able to evaluate himself and forms an opinion about himself based on the assessment of people who are significant to him (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). As a result, the child develops low self-esteem.

Constant criticism of the child leads to low self-esteem, low self-esteem and closeness. In the absence of approval of creative undertakings, admiration for them, the child feels the unrecognizedness of his abilities. If this is followed by constant criticism and abuse, then he refuses to create, create, and therefore develop.

Excessive demands on the child can nurture both overestimated and underestimated self-esteem. Often parents want to see their child the way they would like to see themselves. They impose their fate on him, building on him the projections of their goals, which they could not achieve on their own. But behind this, parents stop seeing the child as a person, starting to see only their own projections, roughly speaking, of themselves, their ideal selves. The child is sure: "For my parents to love me, I must be the way they want me to be." He forgets about the present himself and can either successfully or unsuccessfully meet parental requirements.

Comparison with other good kids lowers self-esteem. Conversely, the desire to please parents inflates self-esteem in pursuit and competition with others. Then the other children are not friends, but rivals, and I must/should not be better than others.

Overprotection taking excessive responsibility for the child in making decisions for him, down to who to be friends with, what to wear, when and what to do. As a result, the Self ceases to grow in the child, he does not know what he wants, does not know who he is, does not understand his needs, abilities, desires. Thus, parents cultivate lack of independence in him and, as a result, low self-esteem (up to the loss of the meaning of life).

The desire to be like a parent, which can be both natural and forced, when the child is constantly repeated: "Your parents have achieved so much, you must be like them, you have no right to fall into the mud face." There is a fear of stumbling, making a mistake, not being perfect, as a result of which self-esteem may be underestimated, and the initiative completely killed.

Above, I have given some of the common reasons why self-esteem problems arise. It is worth adding that the line between the two "poles" of self-esteem can be quite thin. For example, overestimation of oneself may be a compensatory-protective function of underestimation of one's strengths and capabilities.

As you can already understand, most of the problems in adulthood stem from childhood. The behavior of the child, his attitude towards himself and the attitude towards him from the surrounding peers and adults build certain strategies in life. Childish behavior is carried over into adulthood with all its defense mechanisms.

In the end, whole life scenarios of adult life are built. And this happens so organically and imperceptibly for ourselves that we do not always understand why certain situations happen to us, why people behave this way with us. We feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, we feel that we are not appreciated, we are offended and hurt by this, we suffer. All this is manifested in relationships with close and dear people, colleagues and superiors, the opposite sex, society as a whole.

It is logical that both low and high self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot make you a truly happy person. Therefore, something needs to be done about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it is time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

1. Make a list of your qualities, strengths, qualities that you like about yourself or that your loved ones like. If you don't know, ask them about it. In this way, you will begin to see the positive aspects of your personality, thereby starting to cultivate self-esteem.
2. Make a list of the things that bring you pleasure. If possible, start doing them for yourself. Thus, you will cultivate love and care for yourself.
3. Make a list of your desires and goals and move in this direction. Sports give tone, cheer you up, allow you to take good care of your body, which you are so unhappy with. At the same time, there is a release of negative emotions that have been accumulated and had no way out. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy for self-flagellation.
4. A diary of achievements can also raise your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.
5. Make a list of qualities you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with the help of various techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty both on the Internet and offline.
6. Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, from communication with whom "wings grow". At the same time, minimize contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc. to the possible level.

Scheme of work with high self-esteem

1. First you need to understand that each person is unique in his own way, everyone is entitled to their own point of view.
2. Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important for them, they have their own desires and dreams.
3. When caring for others, do it based on their needs, not what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, and you think that tea will be more useful. Do not impose your tastes and opinions on him.
4. Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes. This provides a real basis for self-improvement and valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.
5. Stop arguing with others and stop proving yourself right. You may not know yet, but in so many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.
6. Don't get depressed if you can't achieve the desired result. It is better to analyze the situation on the subject of why it happened, what you did wrong, what is the reason for the failure.
7. Learn adequate self-criticism (of yourself, your actions, decisions).
8. Stop competing with others for any reason. Sometimes it looks extremely stupid.
9. As little as possible stick out your own merits, thereby underestimating others. The objective virtues of a person do not need a vivid demonstration - they are seen by actions.

There is one law that helps me a lot in life and in working with clients:

To be. Do. Have

What does it mean?

"To have" is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result you want to see in your life.

"Doing" is strategies, tasks, behavior, deeds. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.

"Being" is your sense of yourself. Who are you inside yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel.

In my practice, I like to work with the "being of a person", with what is happening inside him. Then "to do" and "to have" will come by themselves, organically forming into the picture that a person wants to see, into the life that satisfies him and allows him to feel happy. It is much more effective to work with the cause, and not with the effect. Removing the root of the problem, that which creates and attracts such problems, and not alleviating the current state, allows you to really fix the situation.

In addition, not always and not everyone realizes the problem, it can sit deep in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to bring a person back to himself, to his unique values ​​and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding of this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason, I consider the optimal way for a person to interact with himself to be therapy "being" and not "doing". This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest way.

You were given two options: "to do" and "to be", and everyone has the right to choose which way to go. Find a path to yourself. Not what society dictates to you, but to yourself - unique, real, holistic. How you will do it, I do not know. But I'm sure you'll find how it works best for you. I have found this in personal therapy and have successfully applied it in certain therapeutic techniques for rapid change and transformation of personality. Thanks to this, I found myself, my path, my calling.

Good luck in your endeavors!

Sincerely, consultant psychologist
Drazhevskaya Irina

One of the main manifestations of personal development is the ability of a person to evaluate himself. The totality of an individual's ideas about himself, the analysis and evaluation of his qualities, whether it be: external data, character traits, advantages and disadvantages, the presence or absence of any abilities, skills, talents - all this forms a human self-esteem. The level of harmony in his life depends on how adequately a person perceives himself, both in relations with himself and in interaction with other people.

Self-assessment performs many functions, the main of which are:

• developing - a sober look at oneself, allows a person to understand what qualities or skills should be developed and improved; encourages him to self-improvement and expanding the range of his capabilities;
• defensive - an adequate assessment of one's strengths, warns against rash acts, for example, a person will not take on some business, understanding that he does not have enough knowledge or resources to complete it. In addition, stable, stable ideas about oneself allow a person not to break under the onslaught of any external forces (for example, because of the opinions and judgments of other people);
• regulatory - most of the decisions a person makes based on ideas about himself. For example, the choice of a future profession is based on an analysis of more developed qualities.

In addition, self-esteem contributes to the adaptation of a person in society, allows him to feel satisfaction from himself, reflects his attitude towards himself, motivates him to act, or, conversely, encourages him to stop activity in time if its result can lead to disappointment and self-criticism. The formation of self-esteem affects all aspects of a person's life.

There are three types of self-assessment: adequate, overestimated and underestimated. It goes without saying that in order to perform all the functions listed above, self-esteem must be adequate, that is, a person must realistically evaluate himself, see his strengths and recognize his shortcomings, understand what he can do, what he needs to strive for, and what, alas, he will never master . With this approach, the individual does not suffer from unjustified expectations and does not set himself unattainable goals.

Inflated self-esteem is a distorted view of a person about himself, characterized by an unreasonable overestimation of his own merits and an absolute unwillingness to recognize any shortcomings.

Inflated self-esteem does not always require the intervention of specialists. As one of the personality parameters, self-esteem is plastic, it tends to change throughout a person's life, depending on the events taking place in it. For example, it can greatly increase due to some major success (in studies, creativity, etc.), or, conversely, sharply decrease due to a series of failures and failures. In both cases, the person adapts to new conditions, which causes such fluctuations in self-esteem. Under such circumstances, a person just needs some time to adapt, after which everything returns to normal.

But sometimes time passes, and self-esteem remains overestimated, from which a person begins to suffer, sometimes without noticing it.

Signs of high self-esteem

Recognizing a person with high self-esteem is quite simple. It's enough just to talk to him for a while. Such people tend to:

• arrogant, arrogant attitude towards other people;
• self-righteousness (“there are two opinions: one is mine, the other is wrong”). For a person with high self-esteem, there are no authorities; it is not possible for him to recognize someone else's point of view;
• the complete absence of self-criticism, criticism from the outside is perceived painfully, with resentment, often even aggressively;
• the desire to constantly be a leader, the best in everything (among friends, relatives, colleagues). If someone nearby turned out to be more successful in any area, he immediately falls into the category of competitors, and often even becomes an enemy. To admit one's own weakness, incompetence, failure is simply unthinkable. At the same time, it is characteristic that such a person overestimates his capabilities and often takes on cases that he simply cannot pull at first. Failure plunges him into a stupor and causes irritation, aggression;
• imposing one's point of view, even if no one was interested in it;
• a constant desire to teach everyone and authoritatively share experience, even in cases where this is not required;
• "yak" in conversation. Whatever the conversation is, a person with high self-esteem will always reduce the conversation to a discussion of himself. He loves to talk and at the same time does not know how to listen at all. During communication, the interlocutor has the feeling that he is simply being used as a listener to a monologue, while counter remarks are not welcome and cause obvious boredom;
• blaming others for their problems and failures. Such a person will never admit that he could not cope with the task, there will always be an excuse and another culprit.

Inflated self-esteem in a child

Inflated self-esteem in children is expressed quite clearly. Such a child always considers himself the best, all gifts, treats, toys, and just all the attention of others should belong to him. He needs other children only in order to stand out against their background and so that adults can see how much better he is than the rest. Does not tolerate competitors in anything. If he sees that another child is better in some way, and even admires adults, he will throw a tantrum in order to switch all attention to himself. Jealous of all parents. If my mother praises someone in front of him, immediately into tears: “But what about me?”.

Such a child is very difficult in life. Over time, other children stop communicating with him (who likes to be friends with a person who considers himself the best?). He is threatened with loneliness, and in the process of growing up he will have to face the harsh realities of life. In the adult world, no one will endure whims and indulge his pride, something will not work out, and he will have to admit that he is not the best. This state of affairs can result in neurosis, which will entail the deepest depression. Adults with high self-esteem also have a hard time. Overestimation of their capabilities leads to conflicts in the family and at work. Failures, even the smallest, hurt the psyche, causing frustration, stress and irritation. Personal life does not add up, because such people are used to putting their interests above all else, they are not capable of compromises and concessions. All this can lead to mental and neurotic disorders.

Where does high self-esteem come from?

Like most problems, inflated self-esteem most often "comes from childhood." Often it is the only child in the family who does not have to share the affection and attention of his parents with anyone. He is alone, which means he is the best, the most beautiful, the most intelligent. These children have initially inflated ideas about themselves. In addition, the development of self-esteem is affected by improper upbringing of the “family idol” type - excessive admiration for all, even the most insignificant actions of one’s child, the lack of reasonable criticism from adults, indulgence in any desires and whims of the child. All this forms in a small person confidence in his own exclusivity. Oddly enough, the reasons for high self-esteem are also: self-doubt, inferiority complex, childhood psychological trauma and complexes. In adulthood, the cause can be some serious mental shock, working conditions (for example, the only girl in a male team), often people with attractive external data are prone to overestimated self-esteem.

What to do?

When a person suffers from his self-esteem for a long time, he cannot bring it back to normal, and the situation only gets worse - these are already signs of a disorder. In such cases, it is quite difficult to correct self-esteem on your own. First, people with inflated self-esteem almost never admit that they have a problem. Secondly, for this you need to have strong self-control and self-discipline, which, unfortunately, is also unusual for them. In addition, inflated self-esteem can be a symptom of psychological problems, such as narcissistic personality disorder, and some types of psychopathy. In order to minimize this problem, it is best to contact or consult a psychotherapist. And the sooner the better. With the help of psychodiagnostics, the specialist will identify the reasons that contributed to the development of inflated self-esteem and, using various methods of psychotherapy, correct it. When working with self-esteem in children, it is imperative to conduct conversations with the adult environment of the child (parents, grandparents) in order to help build the correct child-parent relationship, to form the right type of upbringing in the family.

Inflated self-esteem of a person (in psychology) is a person's problem associated with an adequate assessment of oneself. There is no single answer to the question of whether high self-esteem is good or bad. This phenomenon has both positive and negative sides. A positive characteristic is self-confidence. Bad characteristics: an increased level of egoism, overestimation of one's own strengths and capabilities.

Signs of high self-esteem

Signs of inflated self-esteem are manifested in human behavior. The psychology of how a person evaluates himself directly affects relationships with other people. If self-confidence prevails, problems arise in the process of communication. The worst of them is when a person is left completely alone.

Inflated self-esteem has signs:

1. Man is convinced that he is always right. At the same time, significant arguments can be given in favor of an alternative opinion, but this does not affect the individual in any way.
2. Confidence in the existence of the only correct point of view - personal. The person denies the existence of the opposite opinion as such. If, due to some circumstances, he still needs to accept someone else's point of view, he will still consider it wrong.
3. Another characteristic of high self-esteem is to have the last word. A person is sure that only he can draw conclusions, determine the further course of events.
4. One of the signs of a self-confident person is the inability to apologize, to ask for forgiveness.
5. With high self-esteem, a person blames others for his troubles. If something doesn't work out, then other people are to blame. If a person reaches some peaks, then this is only his merit.
6. An individual has an opinion that only he and no one else can bear the title of “best”.
7. A great desire to be the first in everything, not to make mistakes.
8. Having high self-esteem, a person expresses his point of view even when it is not asked. He believes that others are always interested in his opinion on any issue.
9. Personal pronouns are often used in speech.
10. With any failures, misses, a feeling of irritability, confusion sets in. A person is easily off course.
11. Increased self-esteem is characterized by a dismissive attitude to someone else's criticism. A different opinion is perceived as disrespectful, so you should not pay attention to it.
12. Failure to soberly consider risks. A self-confident person often takes on difficult cases that are fraught with certain dangers.
13. Fear of looking insecure, weak, helpless.
14. High level of selfishness.
15. Personal interests and needs always come first.
16. A person often interrupts the interlocutor, as he is used to talking more than listening.
17. With signs of self-confidence, the individual is inclined to teach others, even in small things.
18. High tone.

Causes of high self-esteem

Most often, high self-esteem is formed at the time of primary socialization. Overestimation of opinion about oneself occurs in the process of education by parents, training in preschool educational institutions, school. A person with high self-esteem at a more mature age is no longer able to break the directions of communication with others that have been established in the mind.

The reasons for high self-esteem are as follows:

1. Parental narcissism. The problem begins to arise in the period of raising children. The child does not receive the satisfaction of emotional needs in due measure, tk. parents perceive it and treat it as a way of self-affirmation. Inflated conceit compensates for the lack of these positive experiences.
2. The reason for overestimation of self-esteem may be that the individual is the first or only child in the family. This problem is especially manifested in families that have not been able to have a child for a long time.
3. Childhood spoilage can be a problem. This happens in cases where the parents incorrectly built the “child-adult” relationship: they paid him excessive attention, put his interests in the first place, did not limit the baby in anything, satisfied all the whims on demand, no matter what.
4. Appearance. In some cases, a person tends to consider himself better than others because of his own attractiveness. A bright appearance is perceived by a person as a certain advantage over others. Most often, this behavior is inherent in women than men.
5. Inflated self-esteem can form teachers, teachers. Some teachers distinguish students on the basis of personal sympathies, high material, social status of the student's parents.
6. Lack of tests of one's own abilities. For example, a child may cope well with the workload at a regular school, but studying at a more prestigious institution would require more effort from him. If an individual never encounters serious trials along the way, he may begin to attribute to himself the presence of outstanding abilities.
7. Having a rare natural talent. It is often said about such people that they are unique, so a person develops a high opinion of himself.
8. Financial security. When an individual does not need anything, his self-esteem becomes excessively high.

Individuals who have increased self-confidence often come into conflict with people whose level of self-esteem is much lower than theirs.

The reason for the high level of self-conceit in each case can be determined using psychodiagnostic methods.

Inflated self-esteem in children and adolescents

High self-esteem is formed under the influence of certain factors. Sometimes parents overdo it in an effort to praise the child, because of this, children have a wrong perception of themselves in relation to others.

A high level of self-esteem in children and adolescents develops due to:

1. Narcissism. Many parents believe that there is nothing wrong with constantly praising teenagers. However, when parents too often focus on the appearance, talents of the child, the latter has a clear idea that he is unique and has an advantage over others. Thus, teenagers become narcissists.
2. No punishment. If parents encourage their child even for the slightest success, not paying attention to misconduct, the teenager's level of conceit increases. In case of failures, misses, the child looks for the cause on the side, but not in himself.

For the formation of healthy self-esteem in a child, it is recommended:

1. Make teenagers feel secure.
2. Make it clear to the child that he is loved, accepted in the family, school, etc. Without this identification, a teenager may experience a feeling of loneliness, rejection.
3. For a good, full-fledged development, a child must have goals. So he will be able to direct energy, thoughts in the right direction.
4. Give the child the opportunity to cope with difficulties. Thus, people develop competence, a sense of their own strength.
5. Allow yourself to be responsible. Being a teenager is not easy. At this age, it is important to make it clear to the child that every step leads to certain consequences. So he will learn to make decisions more consciously and, in case of failure, he will not look for reasons in others, but will take full responsibility for himself.
6. Let your teen be helpful. When a child contributes to this or that activity, he forms the idea that his opinion is also taken into account and matters.
7. Teach your child to be disciplined. If parents give real assessments, recommendations for action and opportunities to test themselves in a given situation, the child will begin to think, reason, find solutions to problems, and consider the consequences of actions that he can commit. This kind of introspection is essential for further growth.
8. Encourage real merit, achievements.
9. Give your child the right idea of ​​failure. It is important to explain that mistakes are not a reason to fall into despair, but an incentive to improve yourself, your skills.

High self-esteem in men

Inflated self-esteem in men is common and is a problem for both the individual and others. Such a person is accustomed to exaggerate his dignity.

High self-esteem is determined by the following features:

1. High sense of self-importance.
2. The man does not pay attention to criticism, even reasoned. It doesn’t occur to a man that he might not understand something. He is completely sure that he knows everything better than anyone.
3. A person can afford to mock those who, in his opinion, do not deserve respect.
4. The need for constant admiration for oneself. If this does not happen, the man becomes discouraged.
5. The desire to be the best everywhere and in everything.
6. Confidence in your own uniqueness and originality.
7. A high level of self-esteem does not make you feel what compassion is. If all this is already possible to do, then such a feeling is of a short-term nature.
8. The belief that everyone around him is jealous.
9. Demonstration of fictional achievements in order to increase self-esteem.
10. Arrogant behavior, vanity, pronounced selfishness.
11. Mercantile interests. Exaggerated material demands, desires.
12. Irritability, anger, if someone turns out to be better than him.
13. Masking your negative traits, sides.
14. commanding tone of communication. Such people often tell others how and what to do.
15. Inability to accept failures, failures. If the situation has taken an unpleasant and unforeseen turn, the man does not know what to do. He becomes confused and depressed.
16. Excessive resentment. A man is easily offended if he does not receive due admiration for his “merits”.
17. Tendency to abuse, scandals. Such men are very fond of revenge if someone crossed their path.
18. Excessive self-admiration. Self-confident men believe that they are the most attractive, and this gives them the right to be dismissive of the people around them.
19. The need for total control. Such men have a great need for power. They like to feel independent. This is how they show their masculinity. Otherwise, they feel hurt, inferior.
20. Idealization of oneself, one's life.

Inflated self-esteem in men gives rise to such a problem as the constant desire for success and universal love at any cost. After such a man achieves a certain financial position and occupies a high place in society, he considers his ambitions satisfied.

High self-esteem is a psychological problem. It will take a lot of time and effort to solve. People with high self-esteem can turn to a psychologist for help, as long as it is voluntary.

If a person has high self-esteem, he can do the following exercise:

• on a piece of paper you need to write down 10 main advantages;
• each should be graded on a scale of 1 to 5;
• then you should ask your friends and relatives to do the same;
• then the obtained results are compared and analyzed.

If the estimates are very different, you need to think about why this happened. You should try to determine the real reason for these discrepancies in yourself, your own behavior, and not in other people.

Rules for the formation of adequate self-esteem

There are several rules for building good self-esteem:

1. Awareness plays a significant role on the path of transformation. It is important to soberly evaluate your external and internal data. To do this, it is recommended to look at yourself from the outside more often. You need to carefully analyze your strengths and weaknesses.
2. You should learn to respect the opinions of others, to appreciate their dignity. Many of them can be excellent specialists in their field.
3. It is recommended to learn to accept constructive criticism. Resentment is the most wrong reaction in such a situation.
4. When completing tasks, you need to set high goals, but in no case be upset, do not panic if something went wrong.
5. It is important to remember that everyone has flaws.
6. Self-criticism is a good cure for false self-assessments. It is useful for working on yourself and achieving new results.
7. It is recommended to be realistic. It is important to understand that a person cannot be perfect always and in everything.
8. In your activities, you should take into account not only your own satisfaction from the work done, but also the opinions of others.
9. It is important to allow yourself to make mistakes. Wrong decisions are not a disaster, but only a lesson for the future. You should also remember about personal responsibility for all consequences.
10. It is not recommended to compare yourself with others, to argue whether a good or bad person works next to you.

Inflated self-esteem makes a person arrogant, confident that the people around him owe him something. The individual makes inadequate conclusions about himself, overestimating his own importance. Any deviation from adequate self-esteem is a problem for a person. It is always important to soberly assess yourself, your potential.

When we talk about high self-esteem, some comparison with something reference is necessarily assumed. But psychology is not an exact science. And if so, then it is fair to talk about an adequate or inadequate self-esteem of a person.

Definitely assessing human behavior is quite difficult. It is necessary to know all the prerequisites that induce one or another thoughts and actions, which is impossible. By itself, the division into “good” and “bad” implies a value judgment.

It is the duality of perception that makes it difficult to make an objective assessment. For this reason, the object of study in psychology is man. His feelings, thoughts, experiences, behavior. In this context, the level of self-esteem is difficult to overestimate.

High self-esteem is like two sides of the same coin:

1. Positive side. High self-esteem is a belief in oneself, in one's own strengths. Self respect. Without self-respect, it is difficult to learn to respect others. The vast majority of successful people respect themselves, know their strengths and weaknesses. They are well aware of their weaknesses. This knowledge makes them even more resilient in stressful situations and allows them to move further along the path of their cultivation.
2. Negative side. On the other hand, blindly believing in one's own strength, a person can quickly lose the adequacy of the perception of reality. A reckless driver or a gamer are bright representatives of people with excessively high self-confidence and faith in luck and success. It is overestimated self-esteem and inadequate self-confidence that is the cause of illusions that inevitably collapse, mentally exhausting a person.

Of course, high self-esteem is important for the harmonious development of the individual. There are three levels in the evaluation of people themselves:

1. understated- prefers to take on tasks that are objectively below his knowledge and abilities. Completed much faster than the allotted time.
2. Overpriced- the tasks that a person traditionally takes on significantly exceed his skills. Constantly fails to complete assigned tasks.
3. Adequate- a person with a high probability chooses tasks that most closely correspond to experience and knowledge.

Speaking of high self-esteem, we mean an adequate level of perception of oneself, where one's capabilities and strengths are fairly accurately assessed. A person is able to take adequate risks, overcoming which increases intrinsic motivation.

Inflated self-esteem is characterized by constant time trouble, failure of obligations and constant blaming others, but not yourself, for failures. Low self-esteem, on the contrary, is a direct path to self-abasement. Obviously, overestimated and underestimated self-esteem are inadequate.

Now, summarizing, we can distinguish between the existence of high and inflated self-esteem. Obviously, high self-esteem is good, and high self-esteem is bad. Possibly bad for others. But, first of all, for the owner of such an assessment about himself.

It prevents a person from honestly looking at himself and accepting himself as he is. And without this, inner growth and happiness of a person are impossible.

signs

A person who evaluates himself objectively has the following features that distinguish a high level of self-esteem:

• respects himself, his inner freedom;
• respects the freedom of others;
• does not follow the generally accepted rules that contradict his understanding of common sense and honesty;
• thinks and acts proactively;
• ready to help, but not imposed;
• can easily ask for help if needed;
• able to set goals and achieve them;
• aware of his strengths and weaknesses, he understands perfectly how to inspire others to accomplish;
• able to lead people.

A person with high self-esteem immediately stands out among people. His inherent proactive thinking helps shape himself as a leader. First of all, a leader for yourself, and then for others.

Do I need to deal with overconfidence?

If it causes unnecessary trouble, then it is necessary. Overconfidence, by definition, involves a very frequent failure of commitments or the constant taking of excessive risks, which can be fraught with serious consequences for many people.

Naturally, sooner or later, the question of correcting such self-confidence and bringing it to an adequate level will arise. Is it possible?

The question is who is the object of the consequences of exercising overconfidence. If the person himself, who has an overestimated self-esteem, suffers from this, then it is quite possible to lower the level to an adequate one. Moreover, there is his desire for it.

1. Analyze every failure for the "guilty". Every time the temptation is great to “appoint” someone responsible for mistakes. Assess your personal contribution to failure.
2. Write down your pros and cons on a sheet of paper in two columns.. Carefully and critically study each plus. Perhaps he is greatly exaggerated.
3. Critically analyze your strengths for actual availability. It may turn out that a number of qualities that are attributed to the side of the strong, in fact, are not. Moreover, they can be a rude and aggressive manifestation of weaknesses.
4. Get ready to face yourself. According to Carl Gustav Jung, such a meeting is the most important for each of us. At the same time, we fear it the most. It takes a certain amount of courage.

Often overestimated self-esteem dresses up in a low dress. A vivid example of the manifestation of false low self-esteem: a man complains that beautiful women do not pay attention to him.

The position of the victim, often going along with high self-esteem, gives her the appearance of low self-esteem. A person with a truly low self-esteem would not even think that he is worthy of the attention of beautiful girls.

How to develop self-esteem in a child

In raising children, the first five years of life are the most important. The foundation is laid for the possibility of self-correcting one's behavior already in adulthood.

Before continuing the discussion about the education of an adequate self-esteem in a teenager, it is worth thinking about the etymology of the word “self-esteem”. Parents are well aware of the importance of a healthy appreciation of the children themselves, but too often do the opposite.

Self-esteem means self-assessment of one's actions and their consequences. And moms and dads are too hasty to give their assessment of the actions of their son or daughter, which adversely affects the healthy development of the child's psyche. Indeed, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

1. Let your child be on their own reap the rewards of your decisions and actions. Of course, as long as there is no threat to life or the risk of serious material costs. The result - the child learns to make decisions independently and be responsible for his actions and shifting them to the elders.
2. If you are annoyed by certain moments in the behavior children, do not be silent. Tell the child about it. But in no case do not evaluate the act and, even more so, the child himself. Talk only about your feelings. "I am the message" instead of "you are the message". The result - the child understands the level of negative consequences of his act without "turning on" defensive reactions.

Just two small and simple rules. But by constantly adhering to them, you will not only help the child form into a strong personality with adequate reactions, but also build excellent relationships in the family.

Video: Secrets of a Happy Relationship - High Self-Esteem

Heightened self-esteem is an overestimation of one's own potential. Such self-assessment can reveal both positive influence and negative influence. Positive influence is expressed in the confidence of the subject. Negative influences include increased selfishness, disregard for the point of view or opinion of others, overestimation of one's own strengths.

Often, inadequately high self-esteem in case of failure and failure can plunge the individual into the abyss of a depressive state. Therefore, no matter how beneficial an overestimated self-esteem of a person is, it is still better to try to keep it under control.

Inflated self-esteem signs

An overestimated self-esteem of a person manifests itself more uniformly in comparison with an underestimated self-esteem. First of all, such a person puts himself above others, considers himself a luminary, and all the rest unworthy of him. However, the person himself does not always put himself above others, often the people themselves elevate him, but he is not able to adequately relate to such an assessment of himself, and pride seizes him. Moreover, she can stick to him so strongly that even when the moment of glory is far behind, pride remains with him.

Inadequately high self-esteem and its symptoms:

• a person is always sure of his own rightness, even if there are constructive arguments and arguments in favor of the opposite point of view;

• in any conflict situation or in a dispute, the individual is sure that the last phrase should remain with him and it does not matter to him what exactly this phrase will be;

• he completely denies the existence of an opposing opinion, rejects even the possibility that everyone has the right to their own point of view. If he nevertheless agrees with such a statement, he will be sure of the “incorrectness” of the interlocutor’s point of view, which is different from his;

• the subject is sure that if something does not work out for him, then in this situation it is not he who is guilty, but the surrounding society or the prevailing circumstances;

• he does not know how to ask for forgiveness and apologize;

• the individual constantly competes with colleagues and friends, always wanting to be better than others;

• he expresses his own point of view or principled positions all the time, even if no one is interested in his opinion, and no one asks to express it;

• in any discussion, a person very often uses the pronoun "I";

• he perceives any criticism directed at him as a manifestation of disrespect for his person, and with all appearance makes it clear that he is absolutely indifferent to the opinions of others about him;

• it is important for him to always be perfect and never make mistakes and misses;

• any failure or failure can knock him out of his working rhythm for a long time, he begins to feel depressed and irritable when he fails to do something or achieve the intended result;

• prefers to take only cases, the achievement of results in which is associated with difficulties, while, often, without even considering the possible risks;

• the individual is afraid to seem weak, defenseless or insecure to others;

• always prefers to put his own interests and hobbies in the first place;

• the individual is subject to excessive selfishness;

• he tends to teach the people around him about life, starting with any little thing, for example, how to fry potatoes, and ending with more global ones, for example, how to make money;

• in conversations, he likes to talk more than listen, so he constantly interrupts;

• his tone of conversation is characterized by arrogance, and any requests are more like an order;

• he strives to be the first and the very best in everything, and if this does not work out, he can fall into.

People with high self-esteem

The characteristic of inflated self-esteem lies in the fact that people suffering from such a “disease” have a distorted, in the direction of overestimation, idea of ​​their own person. They, as a rule, somewhere in the depths of their souls feel loneliness and dissatisfaction with themselves. It is often quite difficult for them to form relationships with the surrounding society, since the desire to see them better than they are in reality leads to arrogant, arrogant, defiant behavior. Sometimes their actions and deeds are even aggressive.

Individuals with high self-esteem are very fond of praising themselves, in conversation they constantly try to emphasize their own merits, and they can afford disapproving and disrespectful statements about strangers. In this way they assert themselves at the expense of the people around them and strive to prove to the whole universe that they are always right. Such people consider themselves better than everyone, and others are much worse than them.

Subjects with high self-esteem react painfully to any, even harmless, criticism. Sometimes they can even perceive it aggressively. The peculiarity of interaction with such people contains a requirement on their part that others constantly recognize their superiority.

Inflated self-esteem causes

More often, inadequate assessment towards overestimation arises as a result of improper family upbringing. Often, inadequate self-esteem is formed in a subject who was the only child in the family or the firstborn (less common). From early childhood, a kid feels like the center of attention and the main person in the house. After all, all the interests of family members are subject to his desires. Parents with tenderness on their faces perceive his actions. They indulge the child in everything, and he develops a distorted perception of his own "I" and an idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhis special place in the world. It begins to seem to him that the globe revolves around him.

Inflated self-esteem in a girl often depends on the circumstances associated with their forced existence in a harsh male world and the struggle for their personal place in society with chauvinists in their pants. After all, everyone strives to show a woman where her place is. In addition, high self-esteem in a girl is often associated with the external attractiveness of the face and body structure.

A man with inflated self-esteem imagines himself to be the center object of the universe. That is why he is indifferent to the interests of others and will not listen to the judgments of the "gray masses". After all, this is how he sees other people. Men's inadequate self-esteem is characterized by unreasonable confidence in their subjective rightness, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. Such men can still be called.

According to statistics, a woman with an overestimation of herself is much less common than a man with an overestimated self-esteem.

Overestimated and underestimated self-esteem

Self-esteem is an internal representation of the subject about himself, his own potential, his social role and life positions. It also determines the attitude towards society and the world as a whole. Self-esteem has three facets. So, for example, love for people begins with love for oneself, and can end on the side where love is already turning into low self-esteem.

The upper limit of self-assessment is an overestimated self-esteem, as a result of which the individual perceives his personality incorrectly. He sees not the real himself, but a far-fetched image. Such an individual incorrectly perceives the surrounding reality and his place in the world, idealizes his external data and internal potential. He considers himself smarter and more sensible, much more beautiful than those around him and more successful than everyone else.

A subject with inadequate self-esteem always knows and knows how to do everything better than others, knows the answers to any questions. Inflated self-esteem and its causes may be different, for example, a person strives to achieve a lot, become a successful banker or a famous athlete. Therefore, he goes ahead to achieve his goal, not noticing either friends or relatives. For him, his own individuality becomes a kind of cult, and he considers those around him to be a gray mass. However, high self-esteem can often hide a lack of confidence in one's own potential and strengths. Sometimes inflated self-esteem is just a kind of protection from the outside world.

Inflated self-esteem - what to do? To begin with, you should try to recognize the uniqueness of each individual person. Everyone has the right to their own point of view, which may be true, despite the fact that it does not coincide with yours. Below are a few rules for bringing self-esteem back to normal.

During a conversation, try not only to listen to the speaker, but also to hear him. You should not adhere to the erroneous opinion that others can only talk nonsense. Believe that in many areas they can understand much better than you. After all, a person cannot be an expert in everything. Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes, because they only help to gain experience.

Do not try to prove anything to anyone, each person is beautiful in his own individuality. Therefore, you should not stick out your best features all the time. Do not get depressed if you could not achieve the desired result, it is better to analyze the situation for why it happened, what you did wrong, what is the reason for the failure. Understand that if something didn’t work out for you, then it happened through your fault, and not the fault of the surrounding society or circumstances.

Consider the fact that everyone has flaws as an axiom and try to accept that you are also not perfect and that you have negative traits. It is better to work on and correct shortcomings than to close your eyes to them. And for this, learn adequate self-criticism.

Low self-esteem is manifested in the negative attitude of the individual towards himself. Such individuals tend to belittle their own achievements, virtues and positive traits. The causes of low self-esteem can be different. So, for example, self-esteem may decrease due to the negative suggestion of society or self-hypnosis. Also, its causes can come from childhood, as a result of improper parental upbringing, when adults constantly told the baby that he was bad or compared with other kids not in his favor.

Inflated self-esteem in a child

If a child’s self-esteem is overestimated and he notices only positive traits in himself, then it will hardly be easy for him to build relationships with other children in the future, together with them to find solutions to issues and come to a consensus. Such kids are more conflicted than their peers and are more likely to “give up” when they fail to achieve the set results or goals that correspond to their self-image.

A characteristic of a child's inflated self-esteem is his overestimation of himself. It often happens that parents or other significant relatives tend to overestimate the achievements of the baby, while tirelessly admiring any of his actions, intelligence, quick wits. This leads to the emergence of the problem of socialization and intrapersonal conflict, when the child enters the environment of peers, where he transforms from “the very best” into “one of the group”, where it turns out that his skills are not so outstanding, but the same as those of others or even worse, which is even more difficult for a child to experience. In this case, overestimated self-esteem can sharply become underestimated and cause mental trauma in the baby. The severity of the injury will depend on the age at which the child has joined an alien environment for him - the older he is, the more he will experience intrapersonal conflict.

In connection with inadequately high self-esteem, the child develops an incorrect perception of himself, an idealized image of his "I", his own potential and value for the surrounding society. Such a child emotionally rejects everything that can violate his idea of ​​himself. As a result, the perception of reality is distorted, and the attitude towards it is transformed into an inadequate one, perceived only at the level of emotions. Children with high self-esteem are characterized by difficulties in communication.

The child has high self-esteem - what to do? A huge role in the formation of children's self-esteem is played by the interested attitude of parents, their approval and praise, encouragement and support. All this stimulates the activity of the child, his cognitive processes, form the morality of the baby. However, it is also necessary to praise properly. There are a few general rules for when not to praise a child. If the baby has achieved something not with the help of his own labor - physical, mental or spiritual, then there is no need to praise him. Also, the beauty of the child is not subject to approval. After all, he did not achieve this himself; nature rewards the spiritual or external beauty of children. It is by no means recommended to praise for his toys, clothes or random finds. Feeling sorry or wanting to be liked is also not a good reason for praise. Remember that excessive praise can backfire.

The constant approval of everything that the child does or does not do leads to the formation of inadequate self-esteem in him, which subsequently negatively affects the process of his socialization and interpersonal interaction.

The concept of "self-esteem" is used primarily in psychology. This is the ability to evaluate one's own strengths and weaknesses in relation to the surrounding world. When a person has overestimated self-esteem, he overestimates his own potential, sees only positive things in himself, considers himself smarter than everyone else. He sees negative qualities in other people, but not in himself. This perception has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, this is a sign of a more confident personality, on the other hand, selfishness.

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Types of inflated self-esteem

During the manifestations of the main personality traits, a system of a person’s ideas about himself is formed, which consists in assessing his actions of an individual, appearance, perception of his own shortcomings and merits. All these phenomena can lead to the development of two types of inflated self-esteem.

Adequate

inadequate

Most characteristic of an adult formed personality. It is fueled by real achievements - professional, social, family and others. Such self-esteem acquires a peculiar form of recognition of one's own merits. However, such perception can lead to a distortion of the sense of objective reality. Then it becomes necessary to adjust personal attitudes and behavior

It is inherent mainly in children, adolescents and people who have not realized themselves socially. The most obvious reasons for such an attitude towards oneself are dissatisfaction with oneself and one's achievements, a desire to ascribe any merits and virtues to one's own account. In children, inflated self-esteem is often the result of upbringing in the family. This happens when parents and grandparents overestimate the importance of the most common skills and knowledge of the child in the process of growing up.

Subsequently, it is difficult for people with high self-esteem to adapt in society, there are problems with communication, solving everyday affairs takes more energy, and as a result, psycho-emotional exhaustion, neurotic or mental disorder.

Causes

It has been scientifically established that at the stage of primary socialization, the exceptional majority of people develop self-esteem during:

• parenting process;
• training in preschool educational institutions and schools;
• communication with peers and relatives.

Primary socialization is characteristic of children at all stages of personality development. In adults, a transformation of the formed attitudes can occur due to several external and internal factors:

• the result of mental abuse;
• experienced psychotraumatic situation;
• development of the disease (mental or neurotic disorder).

Psychologists have compiled a relative classification of factors that most often lead to overestimation of self-esteem. The most common of these include:

• Children's complexes and psychological trauma. Most often arise due to the narcissism of parents. In the process of primary social adaptation, they paid little attention to the emotional needs of the child. Perhaps he was only a means of their self-realization in society. Inflated self-esteem is a way of compensating for positive emotions that the individual did not receive in childhood.
• Spoiled, or over-indulging the whims of a child. The reverse situation occurs when the attention of adults was directed only to the child in the family, and all his desires were put in the first place and fulfilled, despite other needs and obstacles, for example, the illness of someone in the family or lack of money.
• Inferiority complex. As a result of feeling unfulfilled and not as successful and prosperous as others, inflated self-esteem serves as a defense against the outside world.
• One of a kind. It can manifest itself in one child in the family, especially the long-awaited one. In working conditions, this may be, for example, the only girl / guy in the team.
• External Data. Very often, male and female people begin to exalt themselves over others, because they are naturally endowed with the best appearance.
• Celebrity and stardom. All public people have high self-esteem. It develops 99% of the time, because the attention and love of the fans gives a feeling of superiority over other people. The extreme manifestation of this is "star fever".
• Exposureinfluence. The perception of oneself as the best is formed under the influence of suggestion from the outside. For example, this is a common thing at all kinds of trainings for the development and improvement of personality, self-esteem, and others.
• The result of an unreasonably positive attitude of others. Often, teachers single out a particular student from the background of the whole class. Often the family of the pupil with high material wealth and social position in society.
• Inadequate assessment of one's own strengths. Under standard conditions, the individual copes with the task quite easily and successfully. But when the requirements become more complex, additional efforts are required. If for a long time there were no serious trials, it is natural for a person to overestimate his merits.

In each case, the reasons for overestimation of self-esteem are determined using psychodiagnostic methods. The results obtained will determine further settings for behavior correction and healing of the disorder.

Signs that betray inadequately high self-esteem

The following signs are characteristic of an overestimated level of self-esteem:

Characteristic

The subject is always confident in his own rightness, even in the presence of irrefutable arguments to the contrary.

The individual constantly strives to impose his opinion, and in case of an unsuccessful attempt, he does it in an aggressive form.

In any conflict or dispute, the last phrase should be behind him, and what exactly it will be - it does not matter

A person does not know how to apologize and ask for forgiveness for their own mistakes.

He is constantly in competitive mode with friends and co-workers, wanting to show his superiority over others.

In the event of one's own mistake or failure, all the blame is placed on others or circumstances, but not on oneself.

Such a person tends to define himself as the most important in society, and when talking, the pronoun "I" often slips

An arrogant attitude towards everyone around, which is manifested even in intonation and commanding tone

If a problem arises, he will never resort to the help of others, because he is afraid to appear weak and defenseless.

During a conversation, such a person does not listen to the end and constantly interrupts the interlocutor

Inadequately perceived criticism from others; self-criticism is completely absent

He strives to be the best, and if this does not happen, he is deeply worried and depressed

One's own point of view is always expressed in everything, even if one's opinion was not asked

Personal interests and hobbies always come first.

Lack of ability to calculate risks, as a result of which the most difficult cases are often taken and not completed

A person tends to constantly teach others what to do and how to do it, even when they are not asked to do it.

The individual does not recognize other authorities and denies all the rules that are set by someone other than him.

In psychology, people with too high self-esteem are considered a deviation from the norm. The reasons why an individual loses optimal social adaptation and an adequate perception of himself are called very different. It is very bad when a person is completely detached from reality and does not notice his arrogant behavior towards others. It is good when inflated self-esteem gives self-confidence and does not turn into pathological egoism.

In most cases, this perception leads to inevitable disappointments and negative consequences. It is more difficult for such a person to find a common language with others, so he begins to live in a state of conflict with others.

Characteristics of people

According to experts, most people who are in this state are actually deeply lonely in their souls and cannot solve this problem on their own. You need the help of a competent psychologist and hard work on yourself.

In childhood, parents have the most influence. They should notice in their children the tendency to overestimate their importance in relation to their peers and adults, and also to stop arrogant behavior in time. Otherwise, in the end, he will not put them in anything.

People with high self-esteem run the risk of being completely alone if they do not reconsider their attitude towards others. An individual with a high degree of self-esteem has characteristic signs of behavior:

• he almost never has empathy for other people, and personal relationships are superficial;
• he compares himself aloud with other people in his favor, highlighting his own merits;
• his behavior is most often arrogant and arrogant, on the verge of aggressiveness;
• all his activities are built on maintaining his significance, obtaining approval from others;
• Close relationships also become a way of self-actualization, including with your children and partner;
• any criticism is followed by a painful reaction up to anger, screaming and crying;
• his self-affirmation occurs only due to the assessment of others, and not independent awareness of his activities.

An imperious man is always distinguished by an inflated self-esteem, which he shows almost always and everywhere. Among women, this phenomenon is less common, although among them there are also enough such personalities.

Correction methods

In solving the problem, experts recommend that people with this problem pronounce it. However, such a technique can have the opposite effect and provoke a conflict. It is the method of treatment that should be selected by a specialist, taking into account the individual characteristics of the patient.

Correction of arrogant behavior in children is carried out with some specific features. Their main concept is to change the behavior of parents and close relatives:

• The child should be praised for achievements, but not for no reason.
• The interests of children should not be put in the foreground. The exception is their health, development, nutrition.
• You can't mitigate the consequences of a child's actions. He should form an objective perception of the result of his actions.

Before self-correction of inflated self-esteem, it is advisable to consult with a specialist. It is very difficult for people with such behavior to adapt in society. If you do not reduce the degree of high opinion about your merits, you can be left completely alone, disappointed in life and feel spiritual emptiness. Therefore, it is very important not to break away from reality and correct the model of your behavior in society in time.

We hear often. Many articles describe why it is important to increase self-confidence and what threatens us with insecurity.

However, the question is, why is overestimated self-esteem dangerous for a person? After all, if we overestimate our strengths and are too confident that we can handle everything, then will this not cause great disappointment. Read about this and much more below.

• The reasons
• Is it bad or good?
• How to deal with "narcissism"

How can you tell if it's overpriced or not?

As already mentioned, inflated self-esteem is an overestimation of a person's strengths and capabilities. At the same time, a person thinks that he is better than he really is. It is impossible to admit that there are shortcomings in this case.

From the outside, this is seen as follows: a person behaves self-confidently, does not listen to anyone's advice, considers himself right in any case. In general, the behavior of a typical Narcissus from myths.

Signs:

1. Excessive self-confidence. Usually has no objective reasons;
2. Ignoring someone else's opinion, especially if it does not coincide with the opinion of a person. It is worth noting that attention is not paid to the feelings of the people around;
3. Selfishness. Seeing only your goals;
4. Lack of skills to apologize or admit one's wrong;
5. Rivalry with others. And it happens on an ongoing basis;
6. The conversation is based only on a discussion of the merits, thoughts and feelings of a person. The experiences and thoughts of those around him are not interesting;
7. Criticism from others is considered a sign of disrespect.

And one more distinguishing feature is the desire to be always and in everything the first.

Such a person will never be satisfied with an honorable second place, and the saying “The main thing is not victory, but participation” is also not about such a person. All activities are aimed at becoming a winner and proving to others that he is the best.

It is worth paying attention to the fact that if it is not possible to achieve the desired recognition, a deep depressive state may occur.

The reasons

The reasons for the development of inadequate assessment of one's capabilities and strengths include:

• Inferiority complex. Strange as it may sound, this is the most common reason. The fact is that a person can suffer from self-doubt for a long time. But at one moment the decision may come to stop it.

Willpower hides insecurity behind arrogance and selfishness. And there is such an interesting defensive reaction. But a person is unlikely to admit to you that he does not feel confident;

• Features of education. For example, if parents praise the baby too often and inappropriately, then he gets used to the fact that he is special and does everything right. And to convince a person that sometimes he can be wrong in this case is almost impossible.

So it turns out that high self-esteem in a child smoothly flows into adulthood. Therefore, if you notice that the baby is developing too much conceit, then you should pay more attention to setting the boundaries of behavior and praise only on business;

• Working conditions. For example, if a good specialist finds himself in an atmosphere where there are no more workers with his specialization (that is, there is no competition), then excessive self-confidence may develop;
• Fame. This is more about public people. After all, if every day you are interviewed or filmed for fashion magazines, then how to hold on and not become too self-confident. Therefore, they say that not everyone can stand the test of fame.

Is it bad or good?

Each manifestation of our psyche has pluses and minuses. With regard to too high a level of self-esteem in their abilities, then a plus may be:

• A sufficient level of confidence needed to achieve your goal. Indeed, sometimes we lack faith in our own strength so much to take that single, decisive step forward, to express our opinion or to protect what is important to us.

But for an individual with too high a level of confidence, such problems simply cannot arise;

• Possible faster success. After all, you are so confident in yourself that the option of failure is not even considered. And in some cases, a positive attitude is already half the battle.

Now, as regards cons:

• Rejection in society. Consider how long others will tolerate you if you treat them with disdain all the time;
• Difficulty making friends and romantic relationships. Follows from the previous point. If people do not tolerate a narcissist, then they are unlikely to want to get close to him;
• Failure. If we do not pay attention to circumstances, but only follow our ambitions, then we run the risk of ending up with a broken trough.

As you can see, there are more minuses than pluses. In addition, it is possible to achieve success or protect your rights with adequate self-esteem.

How to deal with "narcissism"

If, while reading the material provided earlier, you realized that this is all similar to you, then you should not panic. It is possible to deal with such negative manifestations of character.

To do this, try to remember a few rules:

• Evaluate only your real deeds. Remember that it's good to want something more, but it doesn't mean that you already have more of it just because you want it.

Therefore, each of your steps in the direction of a dream should be considered both from the side of pluses (what you did and got as a result) and from the side of minuses (what you have not done yet, but you will definitely do next time);

• The luck of another person is not a challenge for you. Try to perceive someone's success as self-development and a good example. However, this does not mean at all that you need to climb out of your skin in order to outrun a more successful acquaintance;
• Review the list of close friends and admit to yourself which of them praises you just like that. Flattery in this case only inflates conceit and hides the real state of affairs.

Therefore, try to communicate more with people who are able to tell you the truth, no matter how bitter it is;

• Admit to yourself your shortcomings. Do not take them as something unworthy. Remember that shortcomings are given to us so that we develop on the path of overcoming them;
• Compromise is not an admission of your failure. Rather, it is an acknowledgment that other people may have a different opinion and you are willing to hear it.

You need to remind yourself of these common truths every day. And if over time you notice that the situation has not changed for the better, then I recommend that you seek the advice of a psychologist.

Perhaps the reason is in the deep settings of the subconscious and, having resorted to the help of a professional, you can get rid of them faster and more efficiently.

How to deal with people with high self-esteem

The main thing here is to understand whether you are ready to accept them as they are. If yes, then in moments of special interpersonal tension, remind yourself that inside, under all this arrogance, insecurity and fear of being left with nothing are most often hidden.

And if possible, it is worth paying the attention of the "narcissist" to how others perceive him. However, this should be done in a gentle form, without pressure.

But trying to deliberately underestimate a person's self-esteem by pointing out his shortcomings is not worth it. This can lead to the occurrence or aggravation of psychological trauma, which will then be quite difficult to get rid of.

So, today we talked about what increased self-esteem is, what it can lead to, what to do with it and how to communicate with a person who is too confident in his abilities and capabilities.

I hope that the material was useful and interesting for you. And we still have a lot of new things ahead of us.

Therefore, subscribe to blog updates and recommend interesting materials to friends on social networks!

See you!

Practicing psychologist Maria Dubynina was with you

“The crown on his head is too tight”, “It is dangerous to underestimate a person who overestimates himself”, “The more a person loves himself, the more he depends on the opinions of others”, “He who thinks too much of himself thinks too little” ...

All these phrases reflect the essence of the same quality of personality. Feeling of greatness, inflated self-esteem, self-confidence or arrogance. There are many concepts, but they mean one thing - an inadequate perception of oneself against the background of others. Is this a norm or a pathology? Is it good or bad? And how to deal with such people? In psychology there are answers to such questions, you just need to understand them.

The essence of the concept

Inflated self-esteem is a person's overestimation of his capabilities, focusing solely on the success of any event in which he participates, idealization of his own personality. Failures for him are nothing more than an accident, a consequence of unfavorable circumstances and other people's mistakes. And criticism is just a manifestation of envy from others and unfair nit-picking.

This attitude often becomes the cause of conflict situations in which people with high self-esteem behave emotionally, are not restrained and do not suffer defeat. This leads to difficulties in social adaptation: if they occupy leadership positions, they become tyrants and despots, and if not, they remain loners, because others do not want to communicate with them.

Such people are called self-confident, arrogant, arrogant. Although they prefer to talk about themselves in a more positive way (and this is understandable from the point of view of their conceit): "knowing their own worth."

According to the psychodiagnostic scale, there are three levels of inflated self-esteem:

1. Above average. When a person appreciates and respects himself according to the heights he has reached, but at the same time he is not always ready to admit his own mistakes and weaknesses.
2. High. When conceit comes from within and is not always dictated by real success.
3. Inappropriately high. When too high self-esteem is formed, everything negative is denied, including the truth, and the idealized and real image have few intersections.

The third level is the most problematic, as it often leads to personality and behavioral disorders - a diagnosis that requires psychiatric treatment.

Is this good or bad?

Inflated self-esteem cannot be considered only as a negative quality of a person. In certain situations, it can play a positive role. However, its negative impact on a person is still greater.

Why is it good:

• Believing in yourself allows you to achieve heights, build a career.
• While others are thinking and doubting, these people are actively solving the problem.
• A positive attitude towards yourself does not allow you to turn off the intended path due to criticism or other people's opinions.
• The absence of "self-discipline", excessive digging into one's own mistakes allows one to focus on something more important.

Why is that bad:

• For the sake of achieving the goal, any means are used, even bypassing the norms established in society.
• Difficulties in social adaptation. For them, there is only one correct point of view - their own, they are deaf to the requests and opinions of others. This leads to loneliness. Conflicts lead to psycho-emotional exhaustion.
• Painful and aggressive perception of criticism.
• It is not uncommon for work projects to fail, as they take on tasks beyond their strength. This leads to the collapse of a career.
• Denial of self-improvement, self-development (why, if I'm already perfect?).
• With frequent failures, neuroses, personality disorders and even suicides are possible.

Much depends on the level of self-esteem. If it is simply above average and commensurate with the actual success that a person has achieved, it does not disfigure him. But, if we are talking about inappropriate behavior, this can lead to mental disorders and is considered in psychology as a pathology.

The reasons

Most often, inflated self-esteem is formed in childhood, in the process of education. But it also happens that a person comes to it much later, when he reaches certain heights in his career and can no longer lower the bar for himself, even if at some stage he does not meet it. Psychologists give different reasons:

1. The upbringing of one child in the family, which becomes the center of the universe, when all his desires are satisfied, the merits are exaggerated, and the shortcomings are hushed up.
2. The upbringing of the first-born, on whom all aspirations and hopes are placed.
3. Psychological trauma and children's complexes. Inflated self-esteem is a way of obtaining positive emotions that the child did not receive from his parents.
4. Inferiority complex. When a person sees around him successful and beautiful, but he himself is not such, he begins to invent qualities for himself that he does not possess. This serves as a defense against self-destruction.
5. External attractiveness that leads to narcissism.
6. Excellence Syndrome.
7. In working conditions, when there is only one girl in the team (a guy / a person with a higher education / a specialized specialist, etc.).
8. Career takeoff, achievement of certain heights.
9. Excessive wealth.
10. Leadership skills.
11. Fame and recognition: in 99% of stars, psychologists diagnose inflated self-esteem.

These are the most common reasons, although situations in life are much more multifaceted. For example, a child may not have excellent external data and not be an excellent student, but if teachers, for some other reason, distinguish him from the background of the whole class, he develops inflated self-esteem. Or the selfie craze, when all the photos are retouched through Photoshop and gain thousands of likes, interferes with the adequate perception of one's own real image, which is actually far from ideal.

signs

An interesting fact: people with high self-esteem rarely consider themselves self-confident and arrogant. They believe that they perceive themselves objectively. But it doesn’t cost anything for others to see such a person at the first conversation on certain grounds. The characteristic of this type of personality is quite voluminous.

People with high self-esteem:

• confident in their own rightness;
• seek to impose their own opinion;
• reserve the last word in any dispute;
• do not know how to apologize, do not recognize their own mistakes;
• constantly compete with everyone: colleagues, friends and even a soulmate;
• blame only others for their failures;
• do not see their own shortcomings;
• often use the pronoun “I” in a conversation, communicate in an orderly tone, constantly interrupt, do not listen to the interlocutor;
• never ask for help and do not help anyone themselves;
• do not accept criticism;
• always and everywhere express their own opinion, even if they are not asked about it, teach others, give advice to everyone;
• selfish;
• They don't know how to calculate risk.

A person with high self-esteem is distinguished by arrogant behavior, often turning into aggression. Narcissists can be recognized by the amount of time they spend in front of a mirror or with a selfie stick. Careerists, in order to achieve their goal, go over the heads of others, using any means, and do not tolerate rivalry. In personal relationships, the most important thing for them is self-actualization, when the interests of the second half are completely leveled.

Diagnostics

The difficulty in diagnosing high self-esteem lies in the fact that the signs of psychological inadequacy are clearly visible to others, but not to the person himself. It is useless to tell him that he overestimates himself, his abilities and potential. He will not take it seriously and certainly will not go to any specialized specialist.

In childhood, it is easier to recognize pathology, since most modern schools have psychologists who conduct various surveys and identify such children. Unfortunately, most often everything stalls at this stage. The diagnosis is made, a conversation is organized with the parents, but the latter either do not want to see the problem (because they themselves are the hidden cause of their child's overestimated self-esteem), or they do not have time for psychotherapy and correcting the situation.

In adulthood, to understand that you have high self-esteem, either a consultation with a psychologist or special tests will help:

• Morris Rosenberg;
• Dembo-Rubinstein;
• Sonerson;
• Ponomarenko;
• Gorbatov;
• Kazantseva;
• an adapted version of the Eysenck technique;
• Leary and others.

Tests make it possible to independently identify the pathology and determine its level. Sometimes this is the first step towards recovery.

Correction methods

Correction of inflated self-esteem begins with determining its causes and describing the basic qualities of a person. It is rare for a person to cope with this on their own, because such people believe that they have no shortcomings. If the level of star disease is slightly above average and is adequate, then this is possible. But in other cases circumstantial and long work with a psychologist is necessary.

It is much easier to get rid of inflated self-esteem in childhood and adolescence. The peculiarity of the work of psychologists with such children is that, first of all, it is not their behavior that is corrected, but the people around them. Parents and teachers receive advice on:

• do not spoil the child;
• reduce the amount of praise. They should sound only in case of real and significant achievements;
• do not distinguish him from other children;
• point out his mistakes;
• teach them to take responsibility for their own mistakes.

In parallel with working with parents and teachers, the psychologist helps the child in social adaptation so that he does not become an outcast, learns to respect the opinions of others and makes friends. As a rule, the course of such a complex correction is from 2 to 6 months, depending on the neglect of the situation.

In adulthood, dealing with inflated self-esteem is much more difficult. To begin with, a person must himself realize the problem and try to identify its cause. If it is rooted in childhood, it is better to immediately contact a specialized specialist, since these cases are difficult to correct. If conceit was formed much later, you can try to get rid of your selfishness on your own through auto-training and affirmations.

Example. The reason for high self-esteem is external attractiveness. Correction methods:

• compare yourself with more beautiful people, find your shortcomings (malocclusion, overweight, excessive makeup, provocative clothes, etc.);
• stop photoshopping your own photos;
• get rid of addiction to social networks and selfie-admiring;
• shift from outer beauty to inner beauty.

Correction always depends on the specific case. If a person, possessing both inflated self-esteem and willpower, can re-educate himself, then with blind narcissism without an iron character, the path lies exclusively through a psychologist. Conversations, testing, work with loved ones, auto-training aimed at an adequate and objective perception of oneself are the main methods of treating such patients. If there is a personality disorder, this is already the sphere of psychotherapy.

Special cases

Children

As already mentioned, inflated self-esteem in a child is associated with improper upbringing in the family or school. Therefore, the correction is aimed primarily at working with parents and teachers. The younger the children, the easier the course of correction. Before adolescence, they still have a high authority of an adult, so it is easier to instill in him healthy behavioral and communication skills.

However, here, too, parents will have to be patient, as they will literally have to break both themselves (your child is not exceptional) and their child. Get ready for tears, riots, tantrums, but with an experienced psychologist, all these corners will be smoothed out.

But the correction of overestimated self-esteem of adolescents is more difficult. Pathology at this age has two directions: the syndrome of an excellent student and narcissism. It is easier to work with the former, since, despite their inadequate perception of their achievements, they still have high intellectual abilities and, with constant conversations with a psychologist, begin to see their shortcomings. As practice shows, for some it is enough to show the results of the passed test so that they draw the appropriate conclusions and start working on themselves (under the guidance of a specialized specialist, of course, and with the support of parents and teachers).

It is much more difficult to cope with narcissism when a teenager has good external data and considers himself irresistible. Firstly, they do not notice from the height of their podium and ignore the rest, therefore they practically have no friends. Secondly, their scale of values ​​is formed incorrectly: appearance becomes the main thing in life, while intelligence, character, inner world are left far behind. The consequences can be deplorable: love failures often lead to suicide, depression, anorexia, drug addiction.

Despite the seriousness of the problem, psychologists have enough tools in their arsenal to return the child to a normal life. The main thing is to do it in a timely manner.

Men and women

According to statistics, a man with high self-esteem is three times more likely than a woman with the same diagnosis. The reason is the difference in their psychological types. Girls are prone to introspection and pay too close attention to trifles and details. Even because of a harmless pimple, they begin to consider themselves real ugly, and 2-3 extra pounds turn them into fat and shapeless (in their opinion). Therefore, most often the representatives of the weaker sex have low self-esteem.

Men, on the other hand, are always focused on completing only one task. If they need to make a career or achieve their beloved woman, even with minimal intellectual and external data, they will go ahead to get what they want. Many of them are narcissists. Some of them were brought up without a father in their childhood, so they have a strong feminine element - the excessive guardianship of mothers and grandmothers, who lamented: “Oh, how irresistible, and beautiful, and the best, you are.” This thought remains in the boy's head for the rest of his life.

Men become unbearable in communication in two cases: if they occupy a leadership position and if they have a weak wife who cannot fight back. They become real tyrants. In other cases, they experience their own narcissism within themselves.

Signs of inflated self-esteem in a woman do not depend on her social status: she will always have a bitchy character, unable to hide her love for herself. Some constantly create conflict situations and behave aggressively. Others can be arrogantly silent, but at the same time, with all their appearance, they show their superiority over everyone else. However, in women, all these manifestations most often remain at the level of conversations and intrigues. Men, in especially neglected cases, resort to extreme measures if someone does not recognize their ideality: they use physical (raise a hand against their wife) or psychological (pressure at work or simply fire) violence.

How to communicate with such people

Unfortunately, this problem concerns not only those people who suffer from delusions of grandeur. They make the life of their loved ones miserable and sometimes unbearable. Many people wonder how to communicate with a person with high self-esteem, and do not always find answers to it.

The advice of a psychologist in this case is unequivocal: if this is an adult who has an outrageous and inadequate conceit and on whom you depend, then nothing. Just leave, even if it means quitting or getting a divorce. Of course, you can try to write him to a specialist, but in 90% of cases it is useless, since he is not able to realize that something abnormal is happening to him.

In some situations, you can develop a special strategy of behavior in dealing with such people and try to coexist with them.

For example, if you have high self-esteem...

• ... from a subordinate, and you are the boss

Criticize him, put him in his place, point out mistakes more often. But all this must be done within the bounds of decency and correctly.

• ... at the boss, and you are a subordinate

The boss has to speak up, and don't try to argue. But there is no need to flatter and support his egocentrism, just listen, understand the requirements and just silently fulfill them.

• ... at a colleague

Never get into an argument, speak softly but firmly. The most correct phrase template when communicating with him is: “You are right, no doubt, but how do you look at…”.

• ... at a relative

Do not let yourself be offended, stand up for your beliefs, but avoid conflict and do not raise your voice.

• ... at a friend's

Remind him more often of mistakes and mistakes, but without humiliation and bullying.

• ... with a guy or a girl

If you love - endure, if not - run away from such a person until you have legalized the relationship with marriage, because you will be in his shadow all your life.

• ... with a legal spouse

If you do not want to get a divorce, try to sign up with a psychologist together, because it is difficult to correct such a pathology on your own.

If your husband suffers from high self-esteem, you will have to praise him all your life and put him in the first place, and forget about your own achievements. Ready to put yourself on the altar of his career - it's your choice. It is much worse when the spouse suffers from narcissism. Here, be prepared for constant betrayal, and not so much physical as at a distance. Such men love flirting and the attention of others. And yes, you will have to spend a lot of money on his outfits, and you, most likely, will remain a gray mouse against his background.

If the wife suffers from inflated self-esteem, oddly enough, there are fewer problems. If she is a careerist, she deliberately chooses a henpecked husband as her husband, who will sit with the children on maternity leave, cook borscht, take care of the house and will not contradict her in anything. If she is passionate about her own appearance, her husband, most likely, will be a wealthy person who will give her money for outfits and show her in society. Otherwise, it is extremely difficult to establish relations with such women.

Inflated self-esteem is a serious socio-psychological problem, exacerbated in modern society. Against the background of an ever-increasing level of well-being, an increase in opportunities for rapid career growth and the popularization of social networks, an increasing number of people suffer from the fact that they cannot adequately assess their own potential. Well, if it happens within reason and is beneficial. But most often this leads to the collapse of one's own ego, pathological personality disorders, neurosis, depression, and even suicide. In order to prevent such a development of events, timely psychological correction by a specialized specialist is required.

The cause of many problems in life is inadequate self-esteem - overestimated or underestimated.

Success in life largely depends on self-esteem. The way a person treats himself, how he evaluates his abilities and what place he assigns to himself in society, affects his goals in life, and the results that he achieves.

Heightened self-esteem

A person with this type of perception of his personality tends to exaggerate his own merits and successes. Sometimes this is accompanied by a tendency to downplay the abilities of others.

Such a person usually considers his successes exclusively his own merit, and underestimates the role of external factors. But he blames circumstances or other people for failures, but not himself. He reacts painfully to and is ready to aggressively defend his positions.

The main desire of people with an exaggerated assessment of their own "I" is to protect themselves from failure at any cost and prove their own rightness in everything. But often this behavior is a reaction to a basic sense of inferiority.

The result of too high self-esteem is difficulties in communicating with others and problems with self-realization. As for the first, few people want to communicate with a person who does not consider the interests of others or allows himself to talk arrogantly. And problems with self-realization can arise for two reasons. On the one hand, people who overestimate themselves avoid goals that they are not 100% sure of being able to achieve, fearing that they will not be up to par. As a result, they deprive themselves of many chances in life. On the other hand, unreasonable self-confidence often makes them set themselves unattainable goals. Failures cannot be analyzed and they end up wasting time and energy.

If you notice that people treat you coldly, and you have more ill-wishers than friends, watch your communication style. Perhaps the problem is your high self-esteem. Learn to treat people with respect, avoid disparaging phrases towards others, listen to their needs and try to do something nice for the other person. Most likely, there will be nothing left of the hostility of those around you towards your person.

Low self-esteem

Such people underestimate their importance and abilities. They explain their own achievements by chance, the help of another person, luck, and only last but not least - their own efforts. If a person does not just say so, but firmly believes in it, this is not modesty, but a sign of low self-esteem. They react to compliments in their address with distrust or even aggressive rejection.

A person with low self-esteem always doubts himself, therefore he also has problems with self-realization. He chooses only those goals that are known to be easily achieved. But often this is much lower than its real capabilities. It is not surprising that his success in studies, personal life, career is very mediocre, but he is inclined to attribute this to external circumstances.

If low self-esteem is about you, try boosting it with auto-training. Remind yourself of your strengths every day. Repeat aloud and mentally positive attitudes about how talented, beautiful, wonderful, etc. you are. human.

You can use the principle of comparison and competition: if someone succeeded, then you will succeed, because you are no worse. In "severe" cases, you can try to compare yourself with someone who does it worse than you, and remember your own attitude that you are "no worse than others, but somewhere in between."

As you can see, any distorted (overestimated or underestimated) can seriously ruin a person's life. Today there is a lot of literature available, with the help of which anyone can learn to correct their internal attitudes and patterns, using special exercises and techniques. This will improve the quality of your life.

Every day a person is faced with the fact that his activities and actions evaluated by others. In childhood, parents and educators evaluate his actions: “You did well!” or “You can’t do that!” Then his progress is evaluated by teachers at school: “If I had put in a little more effort, I would have given it an A!” Based on the assessment of others, a person develops an idea of ​​himself, including a set of personal characteristics and a general assessment of himself as a representative of society. The idea of ​​one's own significance and importance, the ability to see one's strengths and weaknesses in psychology is called self-esteem.

Types of self-assessment

Self-esteem depends on the degree of acceptance by a person of himself, the degree of self-love. In psychology, there are 3 types of self-esteem:

1. Adequate. This type is characterized by the coincidence of a person's self-perception with an objective assessment of his actions and personality by others. In everyday life, this is manifested in the ability of a person to take on only those things that he can definitely do. People with adequate self-esteem know their strengths and weaknesses, are able to constructively perceive criticism, and analyze the situation soundly.
2. Low. This type is based on the fact that a person underestimates his abilities. If he is praised, focusing on his dedication, patience and attentiveness, he sees flattery in the interlocutor's words. In every positive review of his work, he is looking for a catch. In all failures, such people tend to blame themselves.
3. High. The basis of this species is the narcissism of man. He extols his positive qualities, but prefers not to talk about his negative character traits. When working in a team, people with high self-esteem are condescending towards colleagues, they will not miss the opportunity to praise themselves if the team has managed to achieve its goal. They often take on too many responsibilities, but they cannot handle them on their own. The reasons for failure are seen in external circumstances, in the indifference of colleagues, but not in oneself.

Benefits of high self-esteem

The benefits of high self-esteem are:

• Confidence in yourself and your own abilities. Such people do not feel the need for the constant approval of others, they themselves know that they are doing everything the right way.
• self esteem. People with high self-esteem never lose self-respect. They care about their reputation, so they look after themselves and their image.
• Willingness to take on any task. As a rule, such people are easy-going, show initiative.
• Stress tolerance. A person with a high opinion of himself does not worry about failures, he is able to find positive aspects of any situation.
• optimistic mood. People with high self-esteem tend to believe in the positive outcome of any business. They think positively.
• openness. Such people can support any topic of conversation, positioning themselves as an expert. Their openness is conducive to themselves, so they often become the soul of the company.
• Leadership Ability. Initiative, the ability to generate a lot of ideas, activity - these are the qualities that make team members listen to the opinion of a person with high self-esteem.

Cons of high self-esteem

However, a high opinion of a person about himself is not always good. The disadvantages of this personality trait include:

In many daily activities, high self-esteem gives a person certain benefits. It helps a person to rapidly move up the career ladder, because he always makes a good impression on others, allows a person to be in the spotlight and be the soul of the company. In addition, everyone can get into an unpleasant situation, but not everyone can get out of it with dignity. It is a high opinion of oneself that allows a person to always maintain self-respect.

But along with the advantages, this personal feature is fraught with negative aspects that prevent a person from building trusting relationships and engaging in self-development. Therefore, in order for high self-esteem to bring only advantages, you need to learn to be critical of yourself, accept criticism and work on yourself. A professional psychologist can help with this.