“I am never lucky ...”, “No one will ever love me ...”, “I am not beautiful, not attractive ...”. Are you familiar with these thoughts? Most women are used to belittling their abilities, talent, self-esteem. Therefore, today we will talk and give some recommendations and advice on how you can become a self-confident woman, and without resorting to the need to visit a psychologist, and even more so, take some kind of antidepressants.

Why am I not sure of myself?

The roots of self-rejection and self-doubt are most often hidden in childhood, and, unfortunately, as adults, we often cannot get rid of our complexes. And daily beliefs are the programming of our brain that actually makes us who we are.

Numerous studies have proven that thoughts can influence our character, and, consequently, our lives. However, you can learn to accept everything more positively, think about yourself and the world around you in a hopeful way, and gain confidence in your strengths and capabilities.

Here are some examples of common opinions about themselves and in return positive statements, which will allow you to raise not only your self-esteem and become a self-confident woman, but directly change the attitude towards you from the people around you.

After all own opinion and what others think of you are two parts of one whole. As you accept yourself, so most often your environment will look at you.

It's better to be alone

Some women are afraid to break off personal relationships that have actually ended or are burdensome, for fear of being completely alone.

They think: “I would break up with this person, but who else will look at me. I am not beautiful".

To gain self-confidence - the girl needs to be replaced with the famous and wise expression: "It's better to be alone than with just anyone."

Fear of loneliness - quite natural feeling especially for a woman. But? if you hold on to an alliance that does not suit you, you are deprived of the opportunity to determine how interesting for other men.

Most often there is some certain time until you have a new boyfriend. But it will only benefit you. You can take care of yourself, visit a beautician, put your thoughts and feelings in order, and just take a break from relationships that did not bring joy.

Discover new abilities

There are women who are afraid of career growth, because of their lack of confidence in their own strengths and professional abilities.

They think, "Now that I have the job I've been dreaming of, I'm afraid I won't be able to do it."

It should be replaced with: “I have coped with difficult tasks before, I can do this job.”

Sometimes some insecure women get depressed when they are offered a promotion. Having taken a new position, they begin to linger at work in order to complete the entire required volume, completely obsess over the process, being afraid to miss something, and, in the end, they are so exhausted that they are ready to apply for a dismissal of their own free will.

In this case, it is necessary to properly organize work time and the whole process. Do everything progressively and thoughtfully, if necessary, update your knowledge, do not be afraid to seek advice from more experienced colleagues. Gradually, you will get involved and find that the burden assigned to you is up to you, and you successfully cope with it.

And most importantly, be sure that career is the result of your efforts, personal opportunities and purposeful nature, which are appreciated.

Appearance is a factor of self-confidence

Some women compare themselves with models from glossy covers all the time and, of course, lose.

They think, “I will never be this beautiful. Why change something then?

Need to be replaced with: "Yes, I'm not perfect, but I have to look as good as possible."

First of all, remember that makeup artists, stylists, hairdressers work on photo models before shooting. Photographers are professionals in the field of applying the right lighting, they know how to make the light emphasize the most beneficial features and nuances.

Yes, and do not forget that today in the world there is Photoshop with its truly magical properties. Each photoshopped model is unearthly beauty.

Therefore, you should not look so closely at glossy faces and figures, but rather take a closer look at yourself. Every woman has something that makes her special in the eyes of others.

Find your "zest" and beat as profitable as possible. And it is then that you will have that image of a truly self-confident girl who does not doubt her merits and objectively evaluates her capabilities and beauty.

Naturally, your task is to do everything possible to improve your appearance. Change your hair, make-up, go on a diet or go in for fitness.

Fortunately, modern cosmetology has a lot of opportunities to help a woman change herself. And there will always be time and money for this. Ultimately, you do it for yourself: after all, nothing gives you more confidence than the awareness of your own attractiveness.

Let yourself be wrong

Some women suffer from self-doubt because they are afraid of making a mistake or making the wrong judgment about something.

They think: “How could I freeze such stupidity. Now I am a narrow-minded person for others.

It should be replaced with: “Every person can say or do stupid things. No one is immune from this."

Women always give great importance your actions or words. Most likely, few people paid attention to what you said, and if they did, they did not attach any importance to it.

If you understand that you did something stupid, talk to those who were specifically concerned. Be brief, don't go into lengthy explanations. If your words or actions hurt a person, admit that you made a mistake, close the topic and never return to it again.

And the next time doubt begins to gnaw at you, in order to become a confident woman, say out loud to yourself out loud: “I don’t have time to think of myself like that.” And firmly continue on your way. You are a calm, strong, attractive and self-confident woman. What I want you to become, sincerely and wish.

And of course, visit our learning and self-development portal more often, read our tips and recommendations to strengthen yourself female confidence and also learn how to become a truly happy woman, and, of course,

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! I have such a problem - I'm severely afraid of people. It was not just that this fear was formed ... As a child, I was humiliated, insulted, sometimes because of my appearance, sometimes because of my insecurity and shyness. On the this moment I am 21 years old and thanks to my parents for giving me love, support, understanding, thanks to this and some people I grew up a good man. Kind, sympathetic, understanding, creative. But, unfortunately, I am still wary of people, it is difficult for me to open up to some new person, it is difficult to show friendliness, although I can be positive towards a person. Because of these problems, I was afraid to get a job for a long time, I just wandered around the city, hoping the fear would go away by itself. This is stupid and funny, I thought one day and immediately got a job as a sales manager. You probably think that I’m completely downtrodden, no, I overcame myself, worked in call centers, as a sales manager, communicated with people, once passing an interview, I told the employer that my disadvantage was shyness, to which he replied: “Are you? Shy? I wouldn't say!" That is, I was very good at masking my excitement, I was more confident, but now. What happened to me now, I do not understand. At the university, in my 1st year, I more or less made friends with everyone, I was respected, a year later I seemed to be closed off, I became terribly insecure, shy, my classmates stopped communicating with me, I began to fall into awkward situations, from which you want to fall through the ground from shame. Again, a plus to my complexes. I know that you can’t redraw yourself, I’m an introvert and I don’t want to be for everyone at all open book, I don’t want to show my weaknesses, etc., I just want to stop being afraid of people, stop being afraid of communication, make friends. Now I work in the printing industry and, accordingly, I communicate with clients every day. At the beginning working week I still cope with my fears, complexes, insecurities, I even enjoy communication, but ... how hard it is for me! I change my thoughts, views, attitudes, I leave work joyful, but the closer to the end of the week, the less enthusiasm and that's all ... Complete collapse, shame and failure. People see the expression on my face or feel that I am some kind of frightened, squeezed, the boss comes to the rescue, sees this pitiful sight, tries to help, does my work for me. Of course, I feel ashamed, they say, what kind of rag am I, I can’t serve a client - once, so and again probation I can't stand two. Two young men managed to get acquainted with me (both security guards of the trading complex), one of them invited me on a date, I know that she is an attractive girl, but how terribly embarrassed I was to talk to them, I felt a tense atmosphere, even some kind of aggressiveness from me walked. In general, it's terrible, probably only some of my positive traits(showed them her paintings, sense of humor). There is still such a problem - I am often afraid to look into my eyes, I am ashamed of my facial expression, gait, I am afraid of ridicule from others. I feel like a black sheep, people calmly examine each other, in transport I often see how many almost look into their underpants, they directly evaluate each person specifically. My upbringing does not allow me to behave like this. Yes, even just a glance is difficult, I have it tense, like my whole face, other people see it, tense up in response and ... a vicious circle. What should I do about it? Is it worth it to change or stay yourself? How to get rid of uncertainty and fear of communication? How to believe in yourself? Maybe there are some basics, what I'm missing... Help, please, thanks in advance!

The psychologist Opaleva Alexandra Alexandrovna answers the question.

Hello Katherine. It is interesting that in your story you describe your positive qualities and at the same time underestimate yourself. It's not clear how you feel about yourself. I don't think you have a fear of people, rather you want to seem like something you're not. You need to be born as a talker-cheerful. And you are better the world adjust for yourself.

For example, knowing that by the end of the week any communication strains you, then cut it to the maximum. Make yourself a day off of silence and silence, do not make appointments for anyone on this day, only you are with yourself. Does the job require communication 5 days a week? So give as much as you can more attention customers on the first working days, and then only talk about work matters. If there are pauses, or you start to feel tension, smile. That is - to smile and answer specifically to the question - this is your task on the last working days of the week. And on the weekend, be sure to praise yourself, do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.

Take breaks at work. Sit down, close your eyes and listen to the birds outside the window or how the clock is ticking. If you give yourself 10-15 minutes during the day at least 3 times, it will already become easier.

There is an exercise to set up before an exciting event. Relax. Think of something happy. Feel yourself calm down. Stay in this state for about 5 minutes. And now listen to the rhythm of your heart. Start patting your hand on any part of the body in the rhythm of the heartbeat. Stay like this for a couple of minutes. Do this exercise every day so that it comes to automaticity. And before a working day, or in anxious moments, call up the image of a joyful event and lightly pat yourself in the rhythm of a happy heart.

Hello. I no longer know what to do with my problem, because of this state of despair, only one way out comes to mind - suicide.
The fact is that I'm terribly not sure of myself, which manifests itself physically. I have creepy feeling fear that I can't overcome. It is a feat for me to ride in transport, go to the store, etc. I feel comfortable only at home within 4 walls.
When I go out into society, my arms and legs shake, my heart beats strongly, my head starts to spin.
At the moment, after contacting a psychotherapist, I am on some drugs, from which there is no less torment. I feel that the roof is going.
Never had a boyfriend, relationship...nothing.
I'm tired, I've already seen what life is...it's better to know death.
Support the site:

Katya, age: 23 / 11.06.2016

Responses:

Katyusha, you are a modest, smart, decent girl. I tell you honestly. It shows in your writing style, trust me.
Where are you like that, dear girls?)
Kat, here I am, a living example in front of you, I also suffer from self-doubt, hand tremors and sweating. It happens that the ears begin to lay due to excitement. I also suffer from psychogenic cough, a very unpleasant thing and causes a lot of inconvenience.
As my neurologist told me, this is how VVD symptoms can manifest. All this affects my personal life, I am also lonely.
Katyusha, it seems to me that you need to be in society more often, learn to overcome your fear, learn to communicate. More often to be in "uncomfortable" places in your opinion. As they say wedge wedge)
In terms of communication with colleagues, in the bank, shops, etc., I became more confident. I can call anywhere to find out. I was able to learn this, but communication with girls is a big insoluble difficulty for me.
Katya, you can’t lose heart, I live with similar problems. It happens, of course, that you want to howl, but still I overcome all this.
Katyusha, if you wish, please write more about your psychological feelings, try not to withdraw into yourself, you should try to be an open, cheerful, optimistic girl! Strength to you, confidence and health!))

Mikhail, age: 24/11.06.2016

Hello Katyusha. It's like I'm reading about myself. It was the same state, only in more early age! I was terribly afraid of getting lost in the city, driving through and getting off at the wrong stop, talking to sellers. But for me it was connected precisely with shyness, insecurity. Therefore, at first, I took my favorite thing with me (like a child’s favorite toy), I could chew candy, chewing gum, held a candy wrapper, a paper clip, etc. in my hand. And she worked on herself. I got a job as a courier. I recognized the city, slowly began to travel by myself, and then supermarkets appeared, where shopping is easy and you don’t have to communicate with sellers. The only thing you didn’t specify is if one of the relatives walks next to you, is everything all right with you? You may have a phobia of open spaces. And this already requires serious treatment. Katya, but everything is fixable. Don't think bad! Hugging you!

Irina, age: 28 / 11.06.2016

Hey! Hold on Katya, find a job that you like, that's how you will slowly move forward. If you have free time help mom, dad or grandpa and grandma at work.

Hamit, age: 26/11.06.2016

Agree with Michael. Such as you will find - run to hide so as not to be stolen)) Nowadays, it is not often possible to meet a good girl ... not busy)) And yes! You are not sick with any mental disorder. You are just a peculiar person. Special. A little differently, you feel, think, perceive.

Yuri, age: 25/11.06.2016

Do not despair. Fight. Do what you fear. And then you conquer fear. This is what a friend in misfortune tells you - the same insecure person. Try to start small. Let's say if you go to public transport, sit as far away from the driver as possible and try to shout your stop loudly and clearly. Maybe someone will find it funny, but for some time it was a real test of courage for me. Day after day, repeating the “procedure” of overcoming uncertainty, fear, modesty, whatever you call it all, I got used to it, I even began to like it. Then you can come up with another task for yourself and continue to work on yourself. The hardest part is getting started. Well, then it will become easier and much more interesting. So don't hesitate, try it. Do you know how much joy small victories bring... It's worth it!

Lina, age: 18 / 12.06.2016

Katya, oh, ordinary sociopathy. Everything will pass, but not by drugs. You have to fight it yourself. Walk more often among people. If you have friends, spend more time with them. Believe me, this is not a reason to end this life.

Victor, age: 31 / 12.06.2016

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One of the requests on the problem: "Self-doubt".

I have a communication problem. It has to do with self-doubt. When communicating as if there is a lump in the throat, there is no freedom of expression. I always think about how I will look from the outside. This is especially true in dealing with girls. Tell me how to be, what to do?

Gennady

The problem of difficulties in communication is eternal, it is faced quite often by both men and women. Many manage to cope with the problem on their own. But under certain circumstances, the help of a psychologist cannot be avoided. It seems that this particular case is just such, since the manifestations of this purely psychological problem became so aggravated that they became psychosomatic, i.e. affect not only psychological, but also physiological phenomena, namely, they call severe anxiety, which manifests itself as a "lump in the throat", and this moment is alarming.

The foregoing does not mean that such a situation has the character of a disease, but it is a signal that you need to really want to overcome your psychological difficulties. As the famous psychotherapist Victor Kagan aptly noted, most people do nothing to change the situation.

In cases of difficulties with communication, a person often does not find understanding of his problems among others, even among close people. Internal barriers don't let him decide outwardly simple situations. Therefore, recommendations like “do this and everything will work out” are not feasible. Obviously, tension, anxious expectations violate the naturalness of communication, what is usually called spontaneity. These, which have become habitual, difficulties really lead to the alienation of a person from others, especially in significant situations personal life. A kind of vicious circle arises, unpleasant expectations lead to what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It is impossible to leave such situations without attention, since they greatly poison a person's life. It should be noted that the inability to make contact is just one of the manifestations of the so-called shyness. For many years, the famous American psychologist Philip Zimbardo. In his book "Shyness, what it is and how to deal with it," he writes about ways to overcome this problem.

Judging by the description, Gennady's difficulties are rooted in some traumatic situations in the past. To determine what exactly is their cause, you need to carefully understand, with the help of introspection. Quite often, even the first "discoveries" about self in the process of communicating with a psychologist, they lead to the fact that the perception of some things changes radically. Even the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus said that it is not things that upset us, but the idea of ​​​​them. The introduction of the self-image into a new “framework” makes it possible to distinguish what really needs development, change, and what is the originality of a person, gives him a uniqueness that others can appreciate. So, shy people often excellent listeners, which is a rather rare and valuable quality in our fleeting life.

In absentia, regarding the situation itself, the following can be said. Most likely, the point is not that this young man does not know how to communicate. Surely, like any adult, he knows how to formulate his thoughts and he has favorite topics in which he understands and which he can discuss with pleasure. Obviously, it prevents him from behaving calmly. emotional stress. The fact is that any person can act as efficiently as possible only with a certain level of motivation. If motivation is underestimated, then there is no result, this is obvious. But problems in achieving what was conceived are also observed with excessive motivation, since a person attaches too much importance to the result, begins to worry, which is expressed in nervous tension. Usually, at the age of early adulthood, increased demands are placed on the quality and quantity of communication, which is probably why the problem of communication has become clearly super-significant for Gennady.