Question to the psychologist:

Hello! My name is Svetlana, I'm 18. After the New Year, looking in the mirror, I realized that I got better again, before that I was able to lose extra pounds, as I always dreamed of. My brother always called me "fat". although with a height of 170 I am cheerful 62 kg, in principle this is the norm. Entering another city, moving to a hostel, I gained weight from 54 to 56-57. Having lost weight, I became more decisive, more talkative, I was able to tell people what I really think. But after the New Year, I seemed to have been replaced. I looked in the mirror and was horrified, I'm too scary, too not beautiful, too fat ... Well, I began to act.

Yes, I did it, I did it. But I didn’t become happier, everything just got worse. My self-esteem dropped even more, I began to withdraw into myself again, to hate myself.

Currently, my weight is 44 kg, but I am not satisfied with my reflection in the mirror, but I do not consider myself thin, on the contrary ...

But I understand that it is impossible to lose weight further. I have been holding this weight for about two months now. Now I eat enough calories a day, about 1800. I don't know what to do, now I'm on vacation, now I'm with my family. I can't stop counting calories, worrying about the food I eat, if I overeat, then the "white friend" is waiting for me.

Looking in the mirror, I see how I am getting better, although the figure on the scales has not changed for a long time. There is no person to whom I could tell everything that is in my soul, but I really want to, I miss such a person. I have no one to talk to, I have a couple of friends, but just friends who are completely untrustworthy.

I don’t understand myself at all, I don’t understand what I need, I don’t know what to do, I don’t have a favorite pastime, I’m not interested in anything at all. NOTHING. There is emptiness in my soul, eternal depression ... I can cry, yell for no reason. I close myself. . I constantly think that I have no reason to live anymore ... I can’t find the point to move on. Why move on, why do something, achieve something, build relationships with someone, if we die anyway. Days fly too fast and too monotonous. A void inside of me that I can't get out of. I don't know how to get out of all this. Please, help!

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello Svetlana!

Problems related to food, its use, the so-called eating disorders, unfortunately, are now very, very common among girls and young women. These problems are essentially a symptom of internal conflicts of the individual. And making efforts to fight the symptom, as you understand, is practically useless ... It's like not scratching dermatitis with willpower, and hoping that it will pass from it ... In addition, the use of willpower in cases where it is basically useless is fraught with inevitable relapses that cause bouts of intense emptiness, feelings of powerlessness and depression.

I see, Svetlana, from your letter that you yourself realized that the problem is not in the ability to control food intake (to eat or not to eat, and if so, what and how much), but in those inner experiences that your soul is filled with. You know how to control perfectly, and you yourself probably understand this, you have no problem with this. But, as you yourself wrote, you can control yourself, but this does not make you happier. On the contrary, dissatisfaction with oneself and life is aggravated…. A logical conclusion suggests itself - the more efforts we make to control ourselves, drive deep into our own essence and forcibly hold it there, the more unhappy we become ...

Svetlana, I can assume that you are currently experiencing a so-called existential crisis: the loss of the meaning of life in its highest sense (i.e., the question is tormented: “why does a person live at all, and since I don’t see the answer, then why do I live?” ?"). This is a painful stage for every person. It happens that during the life of such periods there is more than one, or even two ... Of course, such a crisis, which manifested itself during the period of your “experiments” with appearance, maximally strengthened others internal conflicts, and exacerbated the eating disorder symptom.

Svetlana, there is a way out. And start working on gradually recognizing yourself (through immersion in own personality), over "letting go" of oneself from one's own tyrannical control, over accepting oneself in the end - it's time already!

There is such a phenomenon in psychotherapy. A person's understanding of the true cause of his symptom (depression, addiction, phobias, etc.) weakens the manifestation of the symptom. Understanding the cause is not yet final decision problems, this is only half the battle before a person begins to transform his personality - but, nevertheless, this understanding already weakens the symptomatology.

Therefore, I suggest that you start by giving as much time as possible to introspection every day. Keep a diary and write down all your thoughts there. You are far from alone in the fact that there is no such person nearby to whom you can pour out your soul and tell everything about yourself and your experiences. Write in a diary. But try to analyze it. Remember in as much detail as possible what you thought, felt and did at the time when all “this” started with you. Try to see some relationship between events and what decisions you made. Etc.

Try to think more about yourself, your soul. You are an ass to yourself. You write that you don't understand yourself, you don't know... But try to solve this riddle.

It is very difficult to answer the question of what it means to “accept yourself”, “love yourself”. We more or less understand what it means to accept and love another, but as for ourselves ...

In fact, everything is not so difficult. To accept yourself means to stop criticizing, scolding, blaming, reproaching yourself, forcing you to do something for the sake of someone else's opinion and stop being ashamed of yourself. Acceptance of yourself will automatically mean that you love yourself;)

But how to do that? And here you need to be persistent and consistent and try not to forget (especially on the first priests, until it has become a habit) to stop internal dialogues with self-accusation, abuse of oneself, criticism, constant thoughts about what and how to do in order to please others and earn their approval, attempts to control one's regimen and the need for food, sleep, movement. You just need to consciously stop, say “stop” and ask yourself for forgiveness for such self-pressure. Praise yourself more often, approve, even if it doesn’t seem to you that you are “worthy” of praise. Talk to yourself kindly. How affectionate mother talks to her little daughter. The daughter, perhaps, did not do anything outstanding, and from a third-party view, she is by no means a smart girl, and not a beauty, but her mother approves of her, supports her, tells her: “my smart girl, my beauty,” and the child blossoms, gets inspired, comes into his soul peace and tranquility.

Here you are, Svetlana, try with yourself, as with a child: “my smart girl, my sweetie,” etc. ;)

Svetlana, it is also very important to look for inspiration. We all need inspiration for self-development and self-improvement. And especially when going through spiritual crises (such as yours).

I recently read Brené Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection. Now I recommend it to my clients as a great inspiration. Good book!

In addition, for many years one of the most outstanding books that are recommended to read during periods of loss of meaning in life is Viktor Frankl's book "Say Yes to Life".

Svetlana, all the best to you. If there is an opportunity, address to the psychologist internally in occasion of internal dissatisfaction. Group work (group therapy) is also very good. Start making friends with yourself! Just don't betray yourself, don't abandon yourself, take care! And you will definitely understand yourself. This will be self love. Good luck!

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It happens in life that a person is consumed by a feeling of loneliness and apathy towards everything and everyone. Similar soul emptiness may occur once or twice, and may interfere with life quite often full life. Without a timely response, this condition can even develop into depression, which is considered serious. psychological illness. The information below will help you recognize the characteristic symptoms of such a phenomenon in time or avoid their occurrence.

Causes

The state of emptiness can appear quite unexpectedly. A person may not notice at all what was affected. Just in one moment you stopped feeling happy. Life, of course, goes on, but it no longer brings joy. People around you may not be aware of your problems at all, and you, in turn, will ask yourself: why did the emptiness appear inside me?

Among the reasons for such crisis period call the following:

• Banal fatigue. Everyone gives up at some point and no longer wants to endure the constant routine, unloved job, eternal vanity, etc.
• Stress. The feeling of emptiness is often observed as a reaction to loss. loved one, serious changes in life, etc.
• Shock. Something similar to stressful situation, but it can be caused by betrayal, betrayal, destruction of the usual picture of the world, etc.
• Loss life guidelines, goals. Every person in life has some kind of aspiration. It can be easily implemented or very long-term, but its loss or achievement can create a void in the soul.
• Any heavy life situation can break a person. Inner emptiness is the natural result of such circumstances.

Symptoms

People suffering from this disease are distinguished by great indifference to the world around them. They close in on themselves, on their own problems, which are often simply far-fetched. When there is emptiness in your soul, you don’t want to do anything: take care of your own appearance, the situation in the house, leave your favorite four walls. In such a situation, a person is often left alone, because he is no longer interested in communicating with friends and acquaintances. It is very good if there is a family that will not quit difficult situation and pay attention to such a state.

Often there is a feeling that the soul was put on display. This is especially observed among people who have been betrayed.

Emotional emptiness clouds everything around. The events around you simply fade. This painful condition quickly drags you into the abyss of loneliness and darkness, devalues ​​previously meaningful things. Such a state, as is considered in psychology, can even lead to physical pain. Many people, when there is a feeling of emptiness, begin to suffer from migraines. In this situation, medications may be powerless.

If you do not respond to this condition in a timely manner, do not pull yourself together or seek the help of a psychologist, you can bring yourself to the very real disease - depression. The result of the latter, as many know, is often suicidal behavior.

What to do first?

Inner emptiness requires serious attention on the part of a person and, preferably, his relatives. It is quite difficult to deal with this phenomenon on your own without support, but it is possible. Would need great strength will. In this case, be guided by one position: who would you really like to be, a weak, weak-willed creature or a person who knows how to rejoice, love and live? If you chose the second, then here is a list of completely simple emergency measures:

• Start complaining. Yes, just complain! This, like nothing else, will help you look at yourself from the outside, voice everything that has boiled in your soul. It remains to find a person who just take and cry.
• Trust people. This may be very difficult for people who have just been betrayed, but take a look at your surroundings. Surely there is someone who can fearlessly speak out, and who will help with practical advice.
• Look for the cause of your condition. Self-digging in this case is only beneficial. Think about it, maybe your work is to blame or certain person. You will have to eliminate this reason: find your favorite thing or say goodbye to the culprit forever inner emptiness.
• Stimulate your emotions. It is not particularly important here what emotions these will be, the main thing is to get rid of the indifference with which you are in recent times look at the world. Achieve the release of adrenaline in the blood. Help with this extreme views sports. Read a dramatic book, watch a funny movie, or just enjoy the sunset. There are many options, just choose something you like.

Another question is what and how to fill the void in the soul. There is a lot of information in psychology about this. Below are just the basics.

How to fill the spiritual emptiness?

It is very easy for a person to think about this in his usual state, not subject to emptiness outside and inside. It is more difficult to perceive this information when you do not want anything, and the meaning of life disappears.

Noticing a kind of emptiness in yourself, you need to try to pull yourself together, no matter how difficult it is on this moment no sound, or ask for help from relatives and friends. You can get out of this state, for this you just need to figure out what will fill the resulting void in life. There are several options for this:

Personal life

This is exactly the area that absorbs a person headlong and in all serious. Immerse yourself in the world of feelings, find a place for them in your heart, and you will feel alive again. If you have a loved one, then let him take care of you. If you have children, take care of them. They probably don't get enough attention right now. Find a foothold for yourself: in the form of a person, a group of people or an event. In fact, next to you is boiling real life. Don't let her pass you by!

Work

Perhaps it's time to change your profession or place of work. Have you ever wondered how much energy your work takes? Maybe it's time to turn favourite hobby in one that makes a profit? The activity itself gives us room for maneuver: new acquaintances, employment, goals, etc.

Hobbies

It's time to do something interesting and unusual. Agree to any offers, perhaps something will interest you right now. If you've been wanting to join a dance class or a gym for a long time, now is the time. Captivate yourself with something new, and you simply won’t have time to think about how to get rid of the emptiness in your soul.

Think Positive

If there is emptiness in the soul, then there is a lot of space left for something new and unusual. Now is the period in life when you can start everything from clean slate, with new emotions, feelings and friends. There is a space in the heart right now that absolutely needs to be filled. new information. While you are filling it out, try to find support from loved ones. You need communication now more than ever.

In the case when it is impossible to get out of such a state on your own, psychology or psychotherapy comes to the rescue. Referring to a specialist should not be regarded as something shameful. For many people, the state of emptiness leads to more serious phenomena. To avoid this, it is better to go through several sessions of psychoanalysis at this stage.

Every person has periods when longing and anxiety rolls in, when it becomes unbearably sad and as if something oppresses and annoys inside.

The feeling of inner peace disappears somewhere and remains only feeling of inner emptiness. Oddly enough, but it cannot appear unexpectedly and suddenly, it is superimposed for a long time and regularly, attacking you at the very moment when you absolutely do not need it.

Often a feeling of emptiness in the soul arises against the background unresolved issues with health, family, work, cloudy weather, depression.

But if you look into this in more detail, it turns out that the factors listed above are only a consequence of such an oppressed state.

True reasons emptiness in the soul, fears, anxieties are not personal problems, but the fact that you forget about yourself as a person, put aside your desires and needs, sacrifice yourself in everyday life.

Did your life seem alien, empty and meaningless to you? Have you asked yourself the question “Am I doing everything right?”. How often do you think about the fact that just some time ago you imagined your life differently?

No matter how sad it may sound, but the feeling of inner emptiness, just like depression, is a disease. modern man.

What to do and how to decide this problem? First, you need to gather your strength and decide for yourself that you are ready to act and fight this problem. In this state you take so important decision it will be more difficult, but if you want to begin to feel a sense of inner peace and happiness again, then you need to try to convince yourself of this.

Frequent options that most people use on a subconscious level, These are 2 extremes.

The first extreme lies in numerous communication, a person tries to hide all the problems in front of him, believing that a lot of communication with people will help to do this. But, left alone with your thoughts, you will realize that the feeling of emptiness in your soul has not left you.

And the other extreme is self-isolation, loneliness, which leads to excessive and deep introspection, a lot of wrong thoughts and conclusions, and you become isolated in yourself.

Indeed, what can help you now is work on yourself and self-realization. The first step to improving your condition and position will be to increase your own self-esteem.

Understand that in order for self-esteem not to decrease, you do not need to live in discord with your desires, principles and values. Learn to love yourself, start believing in yourself and your abilities. Start appreciating yourself as a person and enjoy life.

Every person at least once in his life felt a feeling of emptiness inside, when you sit, look at one point and do not want anything, do not touch anything, do not care. Life passes by, but a person outside of it, as if sitting at the very bottom of the lake and watching the ripples pass over the surface. This may last only a few hours and be the result of extreme physical and/or emotional fatigue. But it happens that the emptiness inside does not go away for several days, weeks and even years. How to deal with it? After all, it is very difficult to live with her.

For the first time, Alena felt that her soul was empty when she was 18 years old. For modern people this, oddly enough, is a very late age for mental crises. Alena suddenly realized that everything that surrounds her is illusory, and if you close your eyes, everything will disappear. It seemed to her that she was just a thin membrane between emptiness and emptiness, and if it was torn, then nothing would remain.

This went on for about six months, until finally a friend dragged her to climbing lessons. Having conquered her first height on the wall and hovering at the level of 30 meters from the ground, Alena acutely felt how much she depends on the strength of the equipment and the hand of the one who held the other end of the rope down there. depressing long time the feeling of emptiness finally receded, and was replaced by a joyful feeling of life and meaning.

For Alena, this was far from last time when the emptiness rolled inside, however, this first experience always helped her to get out of the crisis in the future.

Many experts often advise dealing with this feeling through detailed introspection, however, this does not always help. Why?

A modern person lives life at an accelerated pace (compared to previous centuries), he lives in a strong information field that needs to be processed every day. New ideas, thoughts, feelings, events roll over a person, forcing him to react to them in one way or another. The mind and soul, like the body, get tired of constantly working. They need rest. The feeling of emptiness appears as a response to the inability or unwillingness to cope with the outside world, as well as with their own own feelings and thoughts.

Often in the soul, emptiness appears just because a person gets tired of himself. No one is perfect, however, perfection is what everyone strives for. This is our struggle with chaos and death. Spiritual imperfection can cause feelings of resentment, anger, self-hatred, and sometimes powerlessness. When impotence seizes a person, he often refuses to fight life and himself.

If the emptiness inside was the result of captious introspection, it is better for a person to switch from himself to external world. Reduce, if possible, emotional stress, change the environment, engage in a new type of activity, as Alena did. It is important that the new captures the person completely. It is also important that it be as "carnal" as possible; physically tangible, and made it possible to feel your life, your body, yourself.

The feeling of emptiness crushes and weakens, it is necessary and possible to fight and win with it. The main thing to understand is that I am, I exist, I live. The world around is a mass of opportunities, an inexhaustible source of new experiences, and you need to accept this priceless gift.

One day you find yourself in the middle of a scorched steppe, where everything is calm, but lifeless. And nothing reminds that a flowering garden once grew here. It's a strange feeling, because this lifelessness is inside you. What to do if the soul is empty and cold? Let's figure out where this abyss came from and how to fill it in order to feel the joy of life again.

Where do black holes come from?

Perhaps you yourself did not notice when and how this happened. At what point is your inner universe failed, and a frightening "black hole" formed in it.
you keep on living ordinary life, and others do not even realize that you live as if inside a black and white silent movie.

At what point did the cup dry up to the bottom? This is the first thing you need to understand for yourself, deciding to understand the problem of your inner loneliness.

Here are the most common reasons for this condition:

The acute period is gone through. But now you hear a frightening echo of emptiness inside you.

What's next?

Really what? NOTHING. A terrible word, which in our case can mean indifference, melancholy, apathy, depression. All the "charms" that can make life look like hopelessness on a straight line of heartbeat on the monitor. If nothing is done, everything can turn out than just a lack of mood.

A person ceases not only to be interested in what is happening around, but also to take care of himself, communicate normally with loved ones, closes. Because of desolation in the soul, desolation in the house also grows, slovenliness and a mess arise. Indifference, lack of interest can alienate friends.

In order to prevent such a development of the situation, it is important to understand that the scorched grass in the spiritual vacuum is nothing but past experiences that seem to have already dried up, but cover the soil of the soul very densely, preventing the seeds from outside from reaching the fertile layer. And even the most persistent seeds cannot germinate through a thick layer of withered grass.

Correcting the situation: digging up the field

What to do? The answer is on the surface: empty - fill in!
- Fill in ... Easy to say, but difficult to do. – With already habitual indifference you will object. And you will be absolutely right. But, like almost everything in the world, it is feasible if there is a desire.

“You forgot, I haven’t had any desires for a long time,” you wearily continue the polemic.

No, I didn't forget. That is why we will start with desire. From the desire to change existence to a full-fledged life in the spiritual plan.

Answer, which is better: to remain in the same state of a soulless robot or to rejoice, be nervous, love, suffer and be happy from this living movement of the soul? Hint: after all, for some reason you undertook to read these lines, so not everything is hopeless. If the desire has not yet arisen, simply force yourself, overpower your personality or what is left of it. Get angry, finally: how could a multifaceted person have an empty tank inside?

A few first steps to help start the “rehabilitation” process:

Complain. Have a good cry in someone's vest. Yes, many people think that complaining is not good. But fading away with clenched teeth is even worse.

Trust. Don't be afraid to ask your loved ones for help. Do not hesitate, they love you and therefore will understand, listen, console.

Understand the reasons. Take a break. Leave. You need to be alone with your inner loneliness. Before you sow something and wait for fresh sprouts, you need to dig up the soil, remove weeds and dry sod. Get rid of scorched grass.

Unleash frozen emotions. Someone will help extreme and adrenaline. For some, heart-rending films and books. For someone - the contemplation of the Niagara Falls or the sunrise over Lake Baikal. And for some, a new love.

Have you prepared the ground? And now - sow!

Emptiness touches all aspects of life. Fill your soul with a variety of seeds, food, make it a healthy, tasty and balanced "diet".

Personal life and the world of feelings. Love, tenderness, passion… How long do you keep all this on the surface of your “dead lake”? Now, when the water becomes alive, it's time to measure the depth. Give your loved one the opportunity to warm you, he has long tolerated your detachment. If there is no such person, you need to open your soul wider and look around. In fact, it is, it's just that you were so detached from everything that fate decided to save important meeting until better times.