The story below is the result of a discussion on the topic “What is self-sufficiency” with Oleg Efimov. We were returning from the glorious city of Saratov, where we conducted a training together.

A self-sufficient person is a person with his own personal internal guidelines. Able to handle any situation. Who has the strength to solve the problems before him life tasks. This is a person who counts first of all on himself. Perhaps most of us feel the same way about this concept.

I wonder in what cases such people seek help and do they do it in principle? Are they easy to ask? Or do self-sufficient people not ask others to help them? And they not only rely on themselves, but also do everything for themselves?

Not so long ago we discussed this topic with colleagues, GRC coaches. And the idea that I heard in this conversation sunk into my soul. The meaning is the following.

Self-sufficiency: this is when I rely on myself, on my own strength. I also deal with difficulties on my own. And the participation of other people in my plans is not particularly expected.

And sufficiency is when I know for sure that I will receive the support and help of other people. I will not shift the responsibility to them, “sitting on the priest evenly” and waiting for my plans to magically come true by themselves, but I will begin to act on my own with the confidence that if at some point I need help, this help will always come.

Sounds a bit harsh. And, perhaps, in this form it is not entirely true. But why did I like this idea? Some time ago I heard next phrase: "She is so self-sufficient that next to her there is no place for another person: he seems to be already superfluous."

Do we confuse self-sufficiency with arrogance and self-affirmation “I don’t need anyone, because there is no one worthy”?

Self-sufficiency, in my opinion, is the position of a self-confident person. A person who is able to manage his life and not become dependent on other people, events, etc. In self-sufficiency, it is easier to be together, because I do not require my partner to do something that makes me happy.

Being in this role, we ourselves are so happy that next to us people begin to be a little happier too. This is the position of an adult (more about the position of Parent, Adult and Child). When we can give something to this world.

Of course, next to us there are people who are in a childish role, ready only to take (the balance of "give" and "take"). What is most interesting: if we are in self-sufficiency, these people do not in the least prevent us from moving forward.

You can also talk about it as a teacher and students. The teacher needs to be self-sufficient. And it is important for students to doubt and look for answers. The teacher likes to share, but only a self-sufficient teacher will enable the student to go his own way, and not drag him and make him an excellent student so that others say: “What a wonderful teacher! Everyone learns from him for five!

If a person needs to “stay for the second year”, and maybe he will do it for 5 years or 10, then this will not cause irritation in a self-sufficient person.

He will give him this opportunity until the student makes a breakthrough in his consciousness. But every time a person changes from the role of a child to the role of an adult, there is more happiness, joy, love and respect in these relationships.

And if you look from this position, for example, at marriage, it will become more harmonious. Because everyone is ready to share their happiness with the person they love.

This is the position of two adult self-sufficient people. Assume that in order to be together and live in love, it is enough that the person is just there. It's enough. There is no need to be dependent on each other.

We sometimes confuse the concepts of help and dependency. I asked, so now I have to. They asked me - therefore, I am taller and stronger.

To love each other does not mean to be in trade and market relations "you - to me, I - to you." We were told from childhood: "Do to other people the way you want to be treated." And we get scared: what if we don't get what we want? And so we sow carrots, in the hope that it will sprout. And the seeds do not germinate everywhere.

And we can suffer and worry because of the insufficiency of the harvest, thereby not paying attention to those shoots that are favorable for us. Therefore, developing the skill of self-sufficiency in ourselves, we concentrate all our attention and all our energy on positive side life. On what is already good. And then it becomes more.

Inside each of us there is a built-in balance calculator: how much I gave, how much I received for it. And we constantly compare, expecting returns. They did a good job - we expect at least gratitude. They gave us a birthday present and, of course, we do not expect that they will come to us empty-handed.

These internal scales prevent us from feeling that we actually always have enough of everything. And everything we do is not to “be treated the same”, but because we cannot do otherwise.

The bird can’t stop singing from the thought “what are you listening to me here for free ?!” The river cannot stop flowing from the idea that "they walk around here, draw buckets, you won't get enough for everyone." And we do that sometimes!

We decide that in order to share, you must definitely receive in! Then we lose self-sufficiency and become "children", dependent on other people's actions. And this automatically devalues ​​both streams: both what we give to others and what we receive.

We always get, and we get no less. It just doesn’t always come in the expected form, and therefore we sometimes let it pass us by, we don’t notice it.

So, as soon as we feel that we are missing something, we have at least two ways.

• First: ask someone to give it to us. And then - wait until it appears.
• Second: do what we want to be more. We want more support - support. We want more love - love. Etc.

In the first case, we become students and find people who give us knowledge and experience. And this is also the way of development. We find someone who has gone further along this path than us, and it depends only on us how much time we devote to this training.

By accepting ourselves as a student, we become self-sufficient. There is such an internal agreement with oneself: “yes, now this is not enough for me, I am learning this too.” There is no pride in this. And if you pursue self-sufficiency and prove it, this always leads to self-affirmation.

Becoming a student consciously, we immediately begin to share the knowledge gained. And a flow arises: we receive something, transform it, pass it through ourselves, share it with others. And at this moment we are already teachers. And we are on the path of sufficiency.

Learn to be generous and grateful!

Sincerely, Oleg Efimov and Natalya Rodionova.

(www.n-rodionova.ru)

Coach GRC Relationship Centers.

Oleg Efimov (www.efimov-grc.pro)

Coach and senior trainer at GRC Relationship Centers.

For 10 years she has been conducting trainings in various cities of Russia (21 cities - more than 600 graduates a year).

Are there many self-sufficient people among your acquaintances? And what does it mean - to be self-sufficient, self-sufficiency of a person? I wonder if it's good or bad to be self-sufficient?

self-sufficiency- this is the ability to solve all your problems, do without someone else's help and support, the ability to overcome own fears This is independence, the ability to be responsible for your words and your actions.

Withhuman self-sufficiency. Several varieties.

Self-sufficient person quickly makes a decision, he, of course, can listen to the advice of other people, but he decidesaccepts on its own. Self-sufficiency can manifest itself in different issues: economic, financial, social, psychological.

Economic self-sufficiency is very useful. It is good when a person is able to take care of himself: cook lunch, dinner, wash clothes,when a person is able to solve everything everyday problems. It is clear that many of us do not know how to sew, knit, chop wood or lay tiles. But this is not required of us, it is important that we be able to organize these processes and control their implementation.

Financial self-sufficiency stems from everyday life, you do not know how to do, but you can pay. This is the ability to earn money and means to solve many problems without your direct participation.

Social self-sufficiency - the ability to adapt in society, the ability to be successful in one's work.

But psychological self-sufficiency is already more difficult. To be like this means to be independent, to do without communication, without friends. This ability to live separately from others, manages only on their own.

The path to healthy self-sufficiency lies through overcoming difficulties and getting rid of all kinds of fears. An independent person cannot have attachment. If he misses, suffers while waiting for a call from someone, this is no longer self-sufficiency.

This quality is the self-sufficiency of a person., you need to educate yourself, you are not born with it. First you need to learn to serve yourself, learn to accept independent solutions. We must always set goals and goals for ourselves, and go towards them. You need to act like an adultas an established personality. Be sure to use

Only we ourselves know what is best for us. We intuitively feel when we betray ourselves and our values, but sometimes we are afraid to say it and defend our opinion, our vision of the situation, our decisions. Sometimes we are so afraid of losing something - a man, a job, the approval of others that we are ready to betray ourselves. First in small things, then in more important issues. Required inner strength and the courage to speak up about what is important to you. And be prepared for the fact that if a person is not ready to hear and accept your values, then he can leave. However, the paradox is that it is honesty with yourself and with others that creates closer and more sincere relationships.

My mood and condition do not depend on others

Our integrity is also reflected in how we respond to the moods and actions of others. Including the beloved man. If any criticism and a missed call plunge you into depression, then this indicates that you do not feel in harmony with yourself. What hurts us the most is what resonates with our prohibitions against ourselves. In a similar way or vice versa, by not accepting these qualities in oneself. Therefore, before you bring down reproaches on others or shed tears, sort it out with yourself: why do you react this way. What pet peeve do you get stepped on all the time? What happens to us is what we allow to happen. As soon as we deal with ourselves, everything starts to change in an amazing way. The more independent we become, the less we are provoked and annoyed.

I do what I like

When a woman does what she loves, she is inspired, passionate, and full of energy. It is the energy that overwhelms us that is the magnet that attracts attention to us. Others, especially men, feel our passion. Any man is excited by a woman who has a favorite thing to do. Her eyes are burning, she is overwhelmed with a passion for life, her thoughts are occupied not only by him. And again, it's about the courage to be yourself and follow your desires. And if favourite hobby also gives an excellent income, then the man understands that you choose him not because you are chasing his money, but because he is interesting to you as a person.

I have my own interests, hobbies, things that I'm not ready to give up for a man

There is such a beautiful metaphor: when two drops merge into one, they dissolve into each other and lose themselves, and when two lit candles start burning together, the flame becomes larger, but each of them can carry its own own light. Our passion for our favorite hobby, sports, personal development allows us to preserve individuality and uniqueness, not becoming a shadow of a man, but on the contrary, opening up new facets of life for him. It is important to find a balance: not to give up everything for a man and not to leave a man for everything. The most famous psychologist, coach and writer Marilyn Atkinson says that a couple should spend 12 hours a week together, and the rest of the time can be devoted to something else. And then your life will be full and rich, and not boring and monotonous.

I have my own social circle, friends and fans

Communication with other people inspires and develops, gives us the opportunity to take a fresh look at ourselves and the world. And if a woman closes herself in a small family world or a world of relationships with a man, then at some point she falls into the trap of the same type of thoughts and reactions. She becomes predictable, dependent and boring. A circle of friends and admirers keeps perception fresh, sharing new information, knowledge, as well as the feeling that you are interesting to many people, including men. It is important that you only communicate and flirt with other men, but in no case cheat on your beloved, as this destroys intimacy. The interest of other men keeps in good shape not only you, but also your man, who understands that he is in competition, and not the fact that the palm will always remain with him. This gives the relationship a slight unpredictability and at the same time makes them stronger.

I do not reveal all my secrets and problems

The ability to keep silent about something also increases interest and desire to know you deeper. When a woman too frankly shares the details of her life - her sores and problems, the veil of mystery and romanticism is lost. At such moments, a man begins to feel like a pathologist, before whom all the insides are turned out. It is not surprising that after this disappears not only sexual attraction but also just a desire to communicate. The feeling that a stranger is next to you, even if you have been living with him for twenty years, does not allow you to dissolve. And the very thought that you have little secrets excites and excites.

I do not allow myself to be neglected, humiliated and disrespected

Sometimes we confuse acceptance with acceptance. Acceptance is when we understand that everyone has their own path and manifestations, we respect a person on a deep level, but at the same time we do not allow him to violate our boundaries. Clear rules about what is acceptable to you and what you will never tolerate make you listen and respect your values. It is important to talk about it and agree, not blaming, but firmly declaring your position and principles, feelings and expectations on issues that are really important to you.

I am well-groomed, well-dressed, educated

A self-sufficient woman knows her worth and invests time and money in herself. How we treat ourselves, how much we value ourselves, determines how others treat us and value us. When a woman forgets about herself, does not develop, does not indulge herself beautiful clothes and self-care, men - and everyone around - regard this as her disrespect for themselves and allow her to be treated the same way. But even the point is not what men think and how they perceive us, but the fact that self-love fills us with energy, inspiration and joy!

I don't throw tantrums for any reason

Wise and self-sufficient women are distinguished by composure and the ability to control their emotions. This does not mean that she is always even and calm. She can throw a tantrum when she is absolutely calm inside and remain calm on the outside when a storm of emotions is raging inside. It is this contrast that gives it piquancy, and relationships - sharpness. But her performances are clearly calibrated and thoughtful, and this is what gives them such strength and makes them memorable. When a woman is hysterical too often, this only speaks of her self-doubt and internal licentiousness.

I choose the best and settle for less

A self-sufficient woman can afford to be herself, uphold her principles, do what she loves, communicate and live full-blooded life without focusing on a man and at the same time always find time for him and give him love, without demanding anything in return. But at the same time, she can afford to choose the best man for herself, realizing her strengths and accepting her shortcomings, and knowing "it's better to be alone than to be with anyone." And loneliness does not make her unhappy, but on the contrary, it allows her to remain in harmony with herself, without wasting herself on unnecessary relationships, meetings and deeds. By choosing the best, you become stronger.

Sooner or later in the life of every person there comes a moment when it is time to think about your independence. Many dream of becoming independent and self-sufficient people. Isn't it great to be in charge of your life? Self-sufficiency is not just the ability to independently satisfy one's material needs, but also the ability to live without close contact with people.

The physical side of self-sufficiency

If you have firmly decided to become a self-sufficient person, then the first thing you have to do is to achieve complete independence in domestic issues. That is, you need to learn to live without outside help. The first thing that is needed for this is the ability to earn a living. Housing, food, various household goods - something that a modern person cannot do without. But the satisfaction of minimal needs can hardly be called self-sufficiency, because there are many other needs that require financial investments. Man is not a robot, he needs a lot of things that are not necessary to maintain life.

Therefore, material self-sufficiency is not only the ability to maintain one's life without the help of outsiders, but also the ability to satisfy other material needs, constantly improve one's life.

Internal self-sufficiency

Material self-sufficiency is only the very beginning of the path, it is much more difficult to overcome dependence on a human company. Having spent their whole lives among people, constantly communicating and interacting with them, many do not represent their later life without it. What kind of self-sufficiency can we talk about if you cannot spend a single day alone?

Usually those individuals who have all sorts of interesting hobbies or hobbies do not need people. They don't get bored of spending time alone. Such people do not seek human company, but they do not avoid it either.

Inner peace and independence can give a deep sense of self-sufficiency. Independence from other people's opinions and how other people evaluate you allows you to look at the world in a new way, to escape from the captivity of conventions and social games. At the same time, it should be understood that self-sufficient person does not become a recluse, he, like the rest, communicates with people and fulfills his social function, but easily endures loneliness and is used to relying only on himself in everything.

Pros of self-sufficiency

Self-sufficiency certainly gives many advantages to its adherents, endowing them with qualities that contribute to harmonious and happy life. The ability to provide yourself with everything you need, the ability to make independent decisions and your own view of the world, uncomplicated by other people's opinions, are just some of the advantages of self-sufficiency.

But if you take a closer look at a self-sufficient person, it becomes clear that there are much more pluses. Erudition and perseverance, the habit of relying only on oneself, the ability to earn money and improve one's life, the desire to develop and become better - all these are also signs of self-sufficiency. However, not everything is as good as it seems: in addition to the obvious benefits, self-sufficiency, or the pursuit of it, can also have a negative effect.

Cons of self-sufficiency

Self-sufficiency is good when a person harmoniously develops it in himself, finding a compromise between his desires and capabilities. Many refer to self-sufficiency as the painful abandonment of one's desires or habits. In this case, the need remains, but the person by force of will deprives himself of the opportunity to satisfy her.

He begins to convince himself that he does not need it, continuing to constantly mentally return to the lost. It is difficult to call such a state of self-sufficiency.

Self-sufficiency is the gradual getting rid of the unnecessary, and not the recognition of the unnecessary of what you cannot achieve. Many, having experienced unsuccessful relationships, begin to inspire themselves that they do not need other people, suffering more and more from loneliness and depression. Such a path does not lead to independence and prosperity, but to a gradual immersion in a viscous quagmire of dissatisfaction with oneself and one's life. A self-sufficient person is not alone even when he is alone.

Bad habits

Rejection bad habits — important step on the path to self-sufficiency. Self-sufficiency is out of the question if you constantly want to light a cigarette or use another dose of a drug. Of course, not all habits are bad, there are just pleasant or even useful ones. But some of them cause substantial harm health and at the same time painfully hit the pocket.

Therefore, if you want to acquire self-sufficiency and independence, then it's time to identify the most harmful habits and begin their systematic eradication. The main thing in this matter is not to go to extremes, destroying all your habits and desires. It will only bring sadness and dissatisfaction.

Self-sufficiency and others

Oddly enough, when communicating with a self-sufficient person, people often experience negative emotions than positive ones. There are many reasons for this. For example, envy: most people give themselves into voluntary slavery, obeying social principles and the habit of going with the flow. For them, self-sufficiency is something forbidden, obscene, because they did not give themselves a single chance to get it. Therefore, an independent, independent person causes irritation and discontent in such subjects.

Also, a self-sufficient person is unpleasant to society because standard social levers of pressure do not work on him. It is difficult to somehow manage a person who does not need anything from you, which causes discomfort in people who are used to dependent, standard individuals.

Development

Not the most obvious principle of self-sufficiency - continuous development. If a person, having reached a certain level of well-being, stops moving forward, he can hardly be called self-sufficient. Even if you have everything you need for a comfortable life, you can always find some element of life that needs improvement. And internal development truly limitless!

The constant desire to improve your personality, acquire new skills and hone old ones, the desire to continuously improve your life - all this is an integral part of self-sufficiency.

Surely many have met people who, having decided that they have achieved everything they wanted, tried to relax in peace, enjoy their achievements. Such people often begin to experience health problems, boredom begins to overcome their minds, while illnesses devour the body. But not only does health refuse to cooperate with a person who decides to rest on their laurels, things will also begin to fall apart and decline. Therefore, it is important to remember that movement is life, without striving for perfection, even the most self-sufficient person will sooner or later return to a miserable, dependent state.

Is it hard to find self-sufficiency?

The path is long and difficult, at the end of which self-sufficiency awaits you. Setting goals and guidelines for the near future is the first thing to do when you step on this winding path. Do not immediately set global and impossible goals It will only bring disappointment and discouragement. It is best to tackle small, rewarding tasks that will lead you to complete independence and self-reliance over time. So you can track your progress, step by step moving towards the goal.

You need to be prepared for the fact that the old attachments and habits will not want to leave without a fight. It's always hard to change, but it's even harder to feel the need for change. In any case, everyone who decides to achieve self-sufficiency will face many difficulties, but the result of these efforts will exceed any expectations.

In their youth, having enlisted maximalism and their first job, people tend to become independent, leaving parental home. Alluring Haze adulthood becomes a stumbling block after a short period of time. A happy and carefree youth ends when water and electricity bills appear. Monthly rent for a rented apartment and a fine at work for being late are good reasons to refuse to go to night club staying at home with a mug of tea bags.

At such moments, adolescents develop inferiority complexes, helplessness and insolvency. AT adulthood people are trying to get rid of childhood fears by regaining confidence in own forces. Self-sufficiency is the task of a person who, for certain reasons, has formed a worldview that depends on others. However, in an attempt to achieve an intangible result, people forget to familiarize themselves with the concept of such a term in advance, having found out the ways to achieve the cherished goal.

Fundamentals of self-sufficiency

To understand how to become a self-sufficient person, one must first study the stronghold of such a phenomenon. Inner harmony and self-management, stable outlook on life and strong volitional qualities There are many options for the manifestation of spiritual consistency. However, the basics of self-sufficiency traditionally include three straightforward parameters:

A high-paying position in a solid job that brings you spiritual satisfaction and meets financial needs.
Hobbies or hobbies that you tend to spend free time. Favorite business allows you to independently create a schedule for the day, increasing the level of independence from the outside world. If you didn’t manage to see your friends, then there is always an option for an entertaining pastime.
Certain character traits and qualities, without which self-sufficiency cannot be developed. If you decide to become an independent and independent person, you will have to eradicate it, replacing it with self-confidence.

The group of everyday independence includes people who are independent of strangers in household chores. In the section on confidence based on thought processes, there are individuals with an established worldview, thinking about own benefit. AT social category“carry out” people who have achieved the recognition of society, held at the district, city, regional, state or international level.

The main character traits of a self-sufficient personality

Regardless of the type of self-sufficiency that a person wants to achieve, strong-willed and independent individuals who are confident in their own abilities have the following qualities:

Lack of fear of loneliness.
Responsibility for actions taken and words spoken.
Self-righteousness, backed up by powerful inner strength.
Purposefulness, with which you will achieve the desired results.
Detachment, providing the necessary distance from the outside world. At this distance, only sincere people who need you remain in life.
Selfishness, with which you will be primarily concerned about your own benefit and convenience.

Without such character traits and spiritual qualities, it is impossible to achieve the goal. At the same time, mercy and compassion do not become “enemies”, the main thing is to rationally be guided by your own range of feelings and emotions.

Pay attention when you are admired and praised, postponing such emotions in your mind as a bright memory.
Come to terms with where at certain moments you have to be alone with own thoughts. People must have a personal space, which they have the right to dispose of in accordance with individual preferences.
Project in your mind a situation in which you lost the support of your spouse, love partner, friend, or close relative. The experience of independence will help develop the strong-willed qualities necessary in the nature of a self-sufficient person.
Recreate in your memory bright memories that evoke warm feelings. Think about how you can get a similar range of emotions without the participation of another person.

Wealth manifests itself in everyday life, at work, in communication with friends and relatives - this is not another mask that we put on to achieve desired result, but a newly acquired quality, forever "settling" in the mind.

Rules of a self-sufficient person

What postulates are guided by a self-sufficient person? What values ​​prevail in the mind of a wealthy person? How to become an independent unit without the help of outsiders? What should be the limit of communication with the outside world? The answer to the above questions are the rules of a self-sufficient person:

Lack of authority is the first step to own worldview, therefore, the opinion of respected and close people will have to be abandoned.
Get rid of idols and idols - you can achieve similar heights.
Lose pride - a vice that alienates true benefactors from you. Be confident in your own abilities and “lift” your nose up - different manifestations self-sufficiency. Remember this fact.
Erase the past that depresses you. If the memory is still preserved bad memories that negatively affect self-esteem, then replace them with new emotions that develop a self-sufficient personality in you.
Stop complaining about the environment, justifying your own act. Feeling sorry for yourself is a sure way to self-destruction, which does not allow you to become a socially successful person.
Be honest with yourself. You can be cunning or not tell the truth to strangers, but never deceive your own consciousness. Lies will sow doubt and uncertainty inside.
Take care of your appearance, be sure to educate yourself. Improving character, intellect and figure will develop discipline and allow you to be proud of conquering new heights in various fields vital activity.
Learn to solve your own problems on your own, without resorting to the help of outsiders.
Update your list of goals and objectives regularly. Don't stop at results, but strive for new "victories".

Guided by simple rules to achieve self-sufficiency, you can become an independent person with a formed worldview in a short period of time. The main thing is to create an image taking into account your own preferences, without adhering to generally accepted standards and regulations.