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Hello. I am 24 years old, I don’t have a boyfriend, I haven’t had sex for 4 years either, I want sex every day, even climb the wall. I don’t know how to get rid of this desire, it bothers me at work, I constantly feel excited during the working day, I try to load myself with work, I go to fitness after work, every day I start cleaning the apartment, washing floors, cooking, I get tired, but that’s it. Equally thoughts about sex do not allow to live in peace. I used to get by without it, but recent months it has become unbearable to live, I read that masturbation is harmful to the body, and there is nowhere to do it, I live with my parents, someone is always at home, I can’t get a normal guy, if only I don’t want to spend time with someone. Are there any pills that suppress sexual desire? I already can’t watch ordinary films, someone starts kissing, I immediately turn away from the screen, because I feel excited, it seems to me that those around me notice it. Please help me how to reduce this excitement, I constantly go wet, angry and irritable (((((

Hello. A task like: “I haven’t eaten anything for a long time, I don’t want to eat, give me a pill for hunger.” This is the wrong approach: it is better not to play with physiology, it can lead to illness. Yes, and it is impossible to artificially reduce sexual desire - there are no such pills or operations. You put yourself in front of a choice, and made it: there is no good guy, but I just don’t want to be with someone. But this choice is one-sided, and you suffer. Of course, the other option is also not a fountain: sleeping with just anyone "for health" often harms this health. So REAL and best solution problem: find the one NORMAL guy. Good luck!

Consultation of a sexologist on the topic "How to suppress sexual desire?" is given for reference purposes only. Based on the results of the consultation, please consult a doctor, including to identify possible contraindications.

About consultant

Details

Sexologist, candidate medical sciences, Researcher Department of Sexopathology, Moscow Research Institute of Psychiatry. Practical work- Neurological clinic in Polyanka.
Author of about 100 scientific publications, 16 books, 2 patents, more than 1200 media publications.
Region scientific interests: female and male sexual disorders, oriental methods in the treatment of sexual disorders.

Abundance is not a matter of external circumstances. This is what lives in our mind. And the settings of the mind cannot be changed without practice.

If for many years, since childhood, you have absorbed the habits of scarcity, cultivate in yourself inner feeling Abundance is a serious and responsible job. This is not a question of any one training, even with the best of trainers. It is impossible to change everything as if by a wave of a magic wand. And you can meditate on money before the carrot spell, write wish lists, scratch the back of a frog, read mantras and burn money candles, if your daily habits this does not change.

Feeling Abundant

As they say, the devil is in the details. You struggle to think of Abundance in life, houses and cars around the world, luxury trips and dinners in restaurants (I know, I know, I myself am the same) ... But in fact .... Look at how abundance or scarcity shows up in your daily habits...

Oh, how hard it is to part with the old good will"save". Today in the hardware store, I clearly caught myself on this pettiness. I liked the wash basin in a cheerful spring color. And next to it was exactly the same, but gray. But 100 rubles cheaper.

And this is where the brain explosion happened. “Why overpay? - whispered insinuating inner voice. “From a functional point of view, they are both exactly the same!” “But maybe its this functionality? This one is so cute,” another part of me quietly asked. And this is where the mind kicks in. I took a look at this situation.

So where is Abundance? Why, in the name of what to show pettiness and not allow myself what I really like. And I stood in all seriousness and said to myself: “I allow myself this basin”, feeling how the lump inside is gradually dissolving .... And of course I chose the funny one. And now, every time I look at it, I will subconsciously experience pleasant emotions - and tune in to Abundance ...

And how many such “small” events happen to us every day?

Why call a taxi? I'll be fine and take the subway. So what, it's already night, and I have heavy bags.
Why buy clothes and shoes especially for the home, and even expensive ones? Something will come of that, in which it is already a shame to go out into the street. I'm at home.

Why buy expensive quality stuff? After all, with this money you can buy 10 budget ones. So what if they lose their appearance after the first wash and will not bring any pleasure.

Has this happened to you? Or am I the only one here so greedy in relation to myself?

And here's another thing - to choose dishes from the menu "from right to left" in a restaurant - so what if I want something else - it's cheaper. Buying in the store is not what you want, but what the “action” is for. You can also try to save money on a bus ticket. Why pay when it's only two stops away. So what if your legs are tired, and it's raining outside ...

Buy unknown services on discount sites. Well, this is generally a “classic of the genre” - to risk your health and good mood in the illusory hope of saving. We all know very well that cheap is not good.

Or hang out in the store among accessories - when you like this and that, but you can’t choose one. And instead of picking up this nonsense and enjoying it, it's sad to leave the store ...

And this list can be continued indefinitely...

But worst of all, it also happens when money finally appears and you spend it on something, even the right one - to feel remorse for it. Or they “guessed” money for a massage course - they came - and you begin to figure out what you can do about the housework with them ...

Can a person with such attitudes meet his Abundance?

No. After all, give him any amount of money - and the settings will remain the same. Remember classic story from the "Golden Calf", when Shura Balaganov was riding in a tram with an exorbitant amount of money - but could not resist the temptation to steal his wallet ...

An organic, comfortable entry into the zone of one's Abundance is possible only through conscious daily monitoring of one's habits, expanding the comfort zone.

If you were already rich, what stores would you go to, what products and clothing brands would you choose for yourself, how did you spend free time? What kind of people would you communicate with? On what basis would you select personal belongings and furnishings at home? How much would you leave "for tea" in restaurants, beauty salons and other establishments? How much would you spend on charity and what projects would you support? What interests and hobbies would you have?

Imagine it and try to embody it - at least in small things. Let the tip be not 5000 rubles, but 50 - you have to start somewhere. You can't feed thousands of people - start with one. Even if you cannot go on the trip of your dreams tomorrow, you can read about this place on the Internet and start learning English language. Rest assured it will come in handy.

You can envy more successful people trying to find in them dark side and downplay their achievements, or respectfully communicate with them and learn from them ...

Watch your speech - do you discuss your acquaintances, do you condemn their crazy spending? Or vice versa - stop such conversations with a firm and confident: "it's so great that they can afford it."

And please, give up the habit of counting other people's money - they really don't like it.

You can already today, from the little things to form an image future life - even if they are pictures from magazines, and not real things.

Go to an expensive boutique where you would like to dress and try on a dress. Let yourself enjoy this comfort and the attentive attitude of sales assistants, let yourself feel and absorb these sensations with your whole body, feel how expensive natural silk pleasantly cools your skin ...
How do you like this? Does the back straighten? Are your eyes on fire? Or vice versa - a lump appears inside and it becomes hard to breathe. It’s so hard that you don’t even have the strength to cross the threshold, and not just to decide on a fitting ...

Speak to yourself: I allow myself this. I allow myself a beautiful expensive dress. I allow myself the house of my dreams. I allow myself a car. I allow myself to be rich and happy. And try to feel it from the body.

Many of us dream big beautiful house. So, how big is your dream home? Meters 200? Or more? Are you ready to clear this space? Not just once, but regularly? And how will you feel about it? As the hostess of the Dream House or as a free application to it? Few are really ready to keep such a space clean and responsible for it.

But it's even harder to let others do the work for us. I know for myself. Now, in addition to my house, I also maintain order in the apartment where our Club is located. And this is about 140 meters of area. And I literally have to step over myself to allow myself to invite a cleaning lady - well, what's the big deal, because I can clean myself. Tea is not a bar.

But this is a few hours of my life. The ones that will never come back to me. And I consciously, by an act of will, do not let my old habits of scarcity consume them.

I will not say that it is always easy - sometimes it covers soooo. But it is important to consciously live such moments. Now I feel shame and guilt, I feel unworthy. I feel sadness and envy. And now I feel anger, injustice, resentment ... And I allow myself to feel it. You can get rid of these blocks only by meeting them face to face and living them - otherwise you cannot.

And so, through a very smooth and gradual expansion of your comfort zone, you will move to where your Abundance has been waiting for you for a very long time.

Start with the little things available to everyone. Consciously choose the products that you like and good quality and don't eat the first thing that comes to hand. Handle your belongings with care, do not throw them at random. Imagine that your bag costs not two thousand rubles, but two hundred. Would you put it on the dirty floor then? Would they put everything in it in a row - until the handles crackle and break? (By the way, maybe that’s why there was such a sign that you can’t put your bag on the floor - there will be no money?) How would you treat your coat if it was a creation from the latest collection of a fashion designer? Imagine that attitude—and start applying it to your stuff—today.

Ask yourself the question more often - is this thing worthy of me? Do I need it in my future life or will it only pull back ... Give preference to quality over quantity. And then you will fully understand the meaning of the statement: "We are not rich enough to buy cheap things."

Abundance is not a matter of external circumstances. This is what lives in our mind. And the settings of the mind cannot be changed without practice.

So every day, consciously repeat to yourself: I choose Abundance. I allow myself all the best, I allow my dreams to come true and I am ready to bear full responsibility for this. Cultivate the habits of a rich person. And take at least a small but conscious step towards a new you.published .

Tamara Arkhipova

If you have any questions, ask them

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consumption, we are changing the world together! © econet

Traditionallyhuman perception is inextricably linked with the continuous flow of thoughts. Thoughts are attracted by the strongest emotional experience. Thinking about an experience reproduces it, creating new experiences and desires. The emerging desire to experience a certain experience directs attention to the objects and events associated with this experience, coloring the world with emotions and creating individuality and originality in perception.

On the one hand, desires give rise to pleasures and pleasures, and on the other, pain and suffering. Desires are the motivation for action and give life a seeming meaning. But the very source of pleasure to which desires aspire is not in outside world and within each is your nature. He who seeks the source of pleasure outside, and not in himself, without trying to understand the nature of his desires, depends on the whims of his mind, conditioned by the beliefs embedded in it, and is doomed to experience pain and suffering.

So what are desires? How do they arise? And how to become free from desire arising in the conditioned mind and get rid of pain and suffering?

wishes unreal - they arise in the mind as a projection of the future, as an aspiration to get pleasure, as a game of imagination of the mind, which imagines what this pleasure should be. This representation is always illusory, because imaginary events of the future at the moment of their scrolling in the mind already exist as fragments of memory and are a past memory of an imaginary future. And when the idea coincides with the inevitable, the mind is given positive evaluation that causes pleasure, and if it does not match, then the mind gives negative evaluation that brings suffering. But if you are attentive, you can find that pleasure and pain arise not as a result of ongoing events, but only as a result of assessment actions mind, and, therefore, the mechanism itself is not something external, but is embedded within you. The resulting emotions make you believe in the mind's identities and the reality of the mind's imaginations.

Blinding with the excitement of emerging emotions, the mind draws you into a game called "wish fulfillment." The game of wishing is like playing with a coin toss, one side of which is what you want and the other side is what you don't want. What you want brings pleasure, and what you don't want brings pain and suffering. In wanting to have fun, you get caught in the mind's trap. Flipping a coin of desires, you are drawn into gambling dooming himself to pain and suffering.

By creating an idea of ​​what the future should be, the mind generates desire - the experience of its fulfillment - worry about the future. And when the desired does not coincide with the inevitable, another experience arises in the mind - “Why didn’t everything turn out the way it should have happened?” Thus, another construction of the mind is created - feeling about the past, which carries suffering and pain.

The past is only fragments of memory, the future is only a game of the imagination of the mind. Neither the past nor the future exists, it exists only now. But wandering in time and space, the mind from the fragments of memory and imagination of the future creates misrepresentation about life. The emotions that arise give reality to this imagination, making you believe that this representation of the mind is your life, one and only. Staying in this game, not understanding the mechanism of pleasure and suffering, most people, falling into this trap of the mind, are in pursuit of the fulfillment of desires created by the conditioned mind, losing the true meaning of one's existence.

In order to become free from the conditioning of the mind, from the fears, worries, experiences it creates, it is necessary to put things in order in it. And this can be done only by developing the ability to distinguish the true from the illusory, by examining oneself.

Stanislav Milevich

Question to the psychologist:

I am 23 years old. Not married, no children. Most recently, she broke up with the only young man with whom she was together for about 7 years.

AT recent times I feel a great desire to get rid of many of my things, after which I feel relief. On the other hand, comes the feeling of guilt that my parents' money was wasted. I would like to leave the most rigid minimum, to deprive myself of various amenities. In the future, I don’t want to buy anything else, I feel some kind of oppression in stores. It seems that the desire to acquire imposes on us modern society, and therefore I want to get rid of everything and feel freedom. It would seem that there is no special psychological problem. But this internally worries me a lot, I can’t work and do anything else until I get rid of every thing that, as it seems to me, is imposed by fashion and so on. I can't remember myself in the past when I made all these numerous purchases.

What could such behavior be about? Perhaps this is a way to bring your life to perfection once and for all. But it seems to me that this only prevents me from enjoying and truly living. Can I really solve my problems by selling or throwing away all unnecessary things? Or is the solution to the problem completely different?

I would like to note that such an obsessive desire - getting rid of things appears in solitude. When I communicate with people, get in touch with my ex-boyfriend, I don’t think about it at all.

The psychologist Alferova Margarita Olegovna answers the question.

Dear Alena, good afternoon!

I’ll make a reservation right away that it’s difficult to determine the reason for your desire only by a short letter, it’s like a finger in the sky. Such questions are solved jointly by the psychologist and the client during conversations, putting a hypothesis and testing it.

Reading your letter, I immediately had a lot of questions that are not answered in this short description. It would be important to learn about your life, your habits, behavior earlier. What's happened lately. Perhaps you didn’t even realize this, but something could have had such an effect on you.

It is possible that you are very strong influence caused a breakup with a friend. And here immediately the questions are: how they were friends, what they have in common, and the main thing is why they parted, on whose initiative.

There can be three scenarios for the development of events: the first is the appearance of a feeling of guilt in you and, as a result, a subconscious desire to punish yourself, to deprive you of something. Maybe someone has ever even briefly accused you of loving things or that your parents spend a lot of money on them, or of your selfishness or something like that, maybe someone said that you are too subject to fashion. There are many things to list here. Of course, it is much more practical and expedient for a psychologist to listen to the story of your life, and not guess. Psychologists are not psychics and not x-rays :))).

The second option is that you can suffer, yearn after parting with a friend, and the subconscious, trying to protect you, appeared in such a way as to get rid of everything that connected you with past life with the time you were together.

Maybe you want to change EVERYTHING in your life. And this is such a way.

Well, the third option is that perhaps something or someone is now putting a lot of pressure on you and you cannot openly resist this. And in this way you restore your Self, getting rid of things that are supposedly unnecessary and imposed by civilization, so you want to maintain independence, separation from something or someone and get rid of addiction.

In order for you to understand what is happening, I can advise you to start keeping a diary. In it, daily write down your thoughts, and most importantly your feelings in relation to everything that happens and to everyone. Just write what you feel without reading. In the beginning it can be difficult out of habit, then it will be easier. And it will gradually become easier for you yourself (do not suppress your feelings !!!) After a while, maybe after a month, start reading your diary with a pencil. Maybe you will highlight some patterns, repetitions, maybe something will just illuminate you. You can write out separately recurring emotions, situations and reactions, and then analyze them. Dear Alena, it is important for you to raise the level of awareness.

Still, for starters, I would advise you to increase self-esteem and self-acceptance. Here on the site there are many articles on these topics, many questions - you can read the answers. I'm sure you can do it yourself. If you need my help, please write.

Your questions: "What can this behavior say? Perhaps this is a way to bring my life to perfection once and for all. But it seems to me that this only prevents me from enjoying and truly living. Can I really solve my problems by selling or throwing out all unnecessary things? Or is the solution to the problem completely different?

Dear Alena, of course you are right and this is a way to put things in order in life, but do not strive for the ideal, this thing is quite ephemeral. It is better to strive for self-perfection, continuous development personality, development of certain skills, profession, femininity, love, awareness. And one more thing - it won't work once and for all :) this is a constant process and it's good - we are always moving. It is important to understand where :). Alena, WHAT does not suit you in your life, if you strive so hard to put things in order in it ???

One of the most famous and significant trends in Indian philosophy is Buddhism. The creation of this teaching is associated with the legend of a prince named Siddhartha Gautama, who lived in India around the 6th century BC. He was the son of a noble ruler, he lived in a luxurious palace surrounded by a magnificent garden, in which unusually beautiful flowers and trees grew, exotic animals walked, charming birds sang, transparent streams flowed with strange fish and beat, shining in sunshine beautiful fountains. Gautama was young, healthy and rich. He spent his days serenely and happily, walking in his Garden of Eden and admiring the blossoming nature. The palace and garden of Gautama were completely isolated from the rest of the world, he had never seen it and therefore did not know what was happening in it. It seemed to the prince that his youth, health and wealth were eternal and unchanging, and happiness was endless and constant.

One day, while walking in the garden, the prince went to its farthest corner, overcame a high fence, and, consumed by curiosity, went to look at the existing one beyond the garden. the world. On the way, the prince met an old man with a head as white as snow, with a deeply wrinkled face and realized that his youth would not last forever, and he would someday become the same old man - weak and helpless. Then Gautama met a man tormented by a serious illness, whose whole body was covered with terrible ulcers, and realized that his health is not eternal, and it is not known where and when illness and misfortune can overtake him too. Then the prince saw a beggar in dirty rags, stretching out his bony hand to him for alms and realized that he, too, could be a beggar, and eke out a miserable existence, begging. His wealth is not eternal - today it is, but there is no guarantee that tomorrow he will be just as rich, in addition, he was just lucky - he was born to rich parents, but could also be the son of a poor man.

Gautama realized that, living serenely in the garden and considering life beautiful, he was deeply mistaken, because he did not see how unhappy and sad it could be. Only in his little corner is she good, but in wide world- quite differently. He is young, healthy and rich, but not by virtue of personal merit, and could well be old, sick and poor. Sorrows in life happen much more often than joys, and happiness, like a black swan, is a rare bird on earth. The prince realized that human life in most cases is filled with suffering and misfortune, and therefore its burden is heavy.

Gautama considered all the knowledge he had received and discovered one truth that enlightened him, and became “enlightened” or, in ancient Indian, Buddha, putting this truth at the basis of his teaching, who soon became famous and found many adherents. The core of Buddhism is the "four noble canons", that is, the four main provisions, which are as follows.

First, life is suffering and therefore evil. What kind of person will say that his life is happy and that everything is exactly as he would like, and not vice versa? It is difficult to find a happy person, but each of us is dissatisfied with something, upset, offended, undergoes suffering rather than joy, and if the latter do occur, there will still be more sorrows, dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction.

Secondly, it is required to answer the question - what is the cause of human suffering and unhappy life. The reason lies in the constant desire of a person for something, which is understood very broadly and is called thirst in Buddhism. A person always strives for something, wants something, has certain desires and longs for the opportunity to realize them. Mentally draw a circle of your desires, and then a circle of your possibilities. The second will be less than the first, and will be located inside it. No wonder we always want more and better. Since opportunities do not coincide with desires, we increase our own capabilities, improve ourselves, wanting to achieve what we want, set ourselves goals and strive for them, and therefore our whole life is struggle and tension.

But as soon as we achieve what we wanted, as soon as the circle of possibilities coincided with the circle of desires, the latter immediately increases, we have new goals, and we again strive and strain and, most importantly, again suffer from the fact that the desired does not coincide with the actual. As a result, it turns out that our desires are a horizon that is rapidly running away into the distance, and our life is a constant pursuit of the unrealizable and impossible - that's why it is suffering, because we want with all our might to get what we cannot get.

This plot is familiar to everyone since childhood from the beautiful Pushkin tale about the fisherman and the fish: as soon as the next desire of the old woman was fulfilled, she immediately wanted more, as a result, she ended up with nothing. Our pursuit of the ephemeral horizon of desires comes to a similar sad end. Every day we live preparing for a certain “tomorrow”, in which our goals will finally be realized, and the desired will come, the “real” life will begin. But “tomorrow” comes, and we spend it on preparing for another “tomorrow”, believing that our happiness will surely open there. We live own life as if on drafts, constantly preparing for something and expecting something, and as a result it turns out that there will be no clean copy of life, that “tomorrow” will not come, and the time has already passed for the future.

The French writer Anatole France writes in The Garden of Epicurus: “I was not yet ten, I was in the ninth grade, when our teacher, Mr. Grepinay, read to us the fable “The Man and the Genius” at the lesson. But I remember it as if it happened yesterday. The genius gives the child a ball of thread and tells him: “This is the thread of your life. Take her. When you want time to go faster, pull the thread: your days will flow faster or slower, depending on how fast you unwind the ball. And until you touch it, your life will stand still. The child took the ball. He began to pull the thread - first in order to become an adult, then - to marry the girl he loved, then - to see how the children grew up, in order to achieve good luck, money, honors, to relieve the burden of worries, to avoid grief, age-related ailments, finally - alas! - to put an end to boring old age. After the arrival of the Genius, he lived in the world for four months and six days.

The third point of the teaching is the position that it is possible to overcome suffering through the elimination of thirst, that is, the constant human desire for something. If it is useless to chase the expanding circle of desires, increasing the circle of possibilities, isn’t it better to narrow the circle of desires to the circle of possibilities: the possibilities will not become smaller, and the desires, limited to them and coinciding with them, are the long-awaited harmony of a person with himself, the cessation of struggle and tension the cessation of suffering. In addition, our eternal desire for more and better, the pursuit of desires chains us to the wheel of samsara and forces us to be born again - for a new life, new aspirations and suffering.

By giving up personal desires, we give up ourselves, lose our individual “I” and plunge into nirvana, that is, we die for good in order to live forever. Limitation and destruction of desires, perhaps the only way overcome the evil of earthly suffering life and gain eternity and happiness. elimination own desires called asceticism and is the way of right living in Buddhist teachings.

The fourth point of the teaching reveals or clarifies this path. Right life path leading to nirvana correct judgment(i.e. understanding life as suffering), the right decision(determination to show compassion for all living beings), correct speech(simply, truthful, friendly), right life (do not harm living beings, do not take someone else's, do not commit adultery, do not make idle false speeches, do not use intoxicating drinks).

As a result, asceticism is the overcoming of various kinds of desires and a specific style or way of life: practical, emotional, and intellectual. Surprisingly, but in order to achieve happiness, you need to give up constant striving for it. We are unhappy because we are chasing happiness, believing that it is in the realization of our desires. There is a paradox: give up in order to receive, neglect in order to acquire, stop in order to achieve.