“I assure husbands that in every dispute the wife will be convinced by the statement: “You are my dearest treasure!” It is impossible to explain why men so rarely turn to this beautiful argument. ”Vladimir Levy

What does it mean to avoid conflict?

Conflict avoidance is one of the conflict exit strategies. Evasion or avoidance is an attempt to get away from the conflict at a minimum cost.

Typically, the participant in the conflict chooses this method of resolving the conflict after failed attempts realize their interests through active strategies such as cooperation or compromise. Actually, the conversation is not about resolving, but about attenuating the conflict.

Avoidance can be an effective conflict resolution

First, avoidance can be quite constructive way out from the protracted conflict. Secondly, if the conflict does not affect the direct interests of both conflicting parties, or when the disagreements that have arisen are not so important for the parties and they do not need to defend their rights, a conflict can be avoided. Conflict is also avoided when one of the opponents does not want to waste time and energy on resolving a controversial issue.

When is it best to avoid conflict?

Conflict can be avoided when one of the opponents has more power, or when he feels that he is absolutely wrong.

Use the opportunity to avoid conflict when for at least one of the opponents the relationship will be more important than theirs. own interests and principles.

Benefits of Avoiding Conflict

It should not be thought that conflict avoidance is an escape from the problem. Avoiding conflict allows you to buy time to study the conflict situation and get additional information before coming to a solution.

Several ways to avoid conflict

In order to avoid conflict, first understand the reasons that motivate you to go into conflict. This may be your inner desire to dominate, aggression and other unconscious motives. Any conscious or unconscious motives can provoke a conflict. Therefore, no matter how trite it may sound, in order to avoid conflict, you do not need to do and say something that can cause misunderstanding or alienation in your opponent.

Life is full of clashes and disagreements, so you must find a more conservative way of dealing with them. For example, manifestations true kindness and empathy can greatly alleviate conflict. especially since kindness is defense mechanism from the negative feelings that the conflict causes.

Understand your counterpart to avoid unnecessary conflict

Get to know him state of mind, understand what he wants, what makes him go into conflict. By showing empathy and kindness, you can already avoid conflict.

If the relationship is dear to you or the person himself does not need to continue arguing, it is better, of course, to avoid conflict. With Show the person something nice, such as a compliment or good news. This will soften the tense situation and may lead to mutual understanding.

How else can conflict be avoided?

Do not go on about provocateurs. A person who avoids conflict tries not to communicate with such people. There will always be those around who are interested in involving others in a conflict. If you still have to contact a potential provocateur, try to control your emotions. Thus avoid unnecessary conflict.

And try to avoid as much as possible. negative people and dramatic situations, because they are the main destroyers of self-confidence and inner harmony. Surround yourself with positive and happy people who will not provoke you or involve you in conflict situations.

How to avoid generation gap?

The only way out from this situation is the acceptance of the views of the other side, mutual respect and tolerance. For example, pensioners, having ceased to perform their daily professional duties, find themselves in a difficult psychological situation when they need the help and support of loved ones.

Adolescents, in turn, are at an age when categorical and complete denial of the opinions of adults for them - normal phenomenon. Between pensioners and youth stand mature people who may also suffer from different views on the lives of their parents or children. AT this case each party must be tolerant of and respect the opinions of others. Only such mutual understanding can be the answer to the question of how to avoid conflict between different generations.

Should conflicts always be avoided?

A conflict situation is always a clash of interests. Such a confrontation implies that each of the parties will try to defend their desires and point of view, which will inevitably lead to all sorts of disagreements. Of course, it's hard to argue with the fact that a bad world is better. good quarrel, and it is better to remain silent somewhere than to provoke a conflict.

But if you look at the situation from the other side, it turns out that conflicts are of some benefit. For example, they help to understand existing problems. This applies to both personal and business relationships. Expressing your opinion is always better than silently experiencing your own dissatisfaction.

In public places (in transport, shops, cafes, at home, at work), conflicts become frequent companions of our relations with other people.

Dissatisfaction with this or that behavior of a person or his child causes a desire to answer him, insult him, hurt him. I want to hurt the offender with a sharp word as painfully as possible, while feeling tremendous pleasure from being right.

How to avoid conflicts with people? How to cope with negative emotions that sometimes cover to such an extent that you want to throw them out?

Can disputes be avoided, or are conflicts inevitable?

To know how to avoid difficult, conflict situations with other people or in the family, it is necessary to understand their nature. What is at the heart of any conflict? Let us turn to the knowledge of System-Vector Psychology, which reveals the laws of interaction and building relationships with other people.

The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online trainings " System-Vector Psychology". Register

Is it possible to avoid conflicts in business or personal relationships? "Not!" anyone will answer professional psychologist. Conflicts as an extreme form of conflict resolution are inevitable, but they can be managed within certain limits. To do this, it is necessary to learn to distinguish between forms of behavior in a conflict and their corresponding options for outcomes. It is also useful to know the basic rules or ethics of behavior in conflict. Behavior in conflict is very diverse. But what rules must be followed to mitigate the conflict or make it constructive? Such rules of conduct in a conflict situation that ensure best way out from acute situation, some.

Rule 1: Be open-minded about the initiator of the conflict.

The first rule of behavior in a conflict is a fair, unbiased attitude towards the initiator of the conflict. Any interpersonal conflict begins with the fact that a person appears dissatisfied with something in a couple or group - this is the initiator of the conflict. It is he who comes forward with demands, claims, insults and expects that the partner will listen to him and change his behavior. After all, how does the partner usually react to the initiator of the conflict? Purely negative. He accuses him of being “again dissatisfied with something, again starting a quarrel over trifles”, that “he is always missing something”, “everything is always wrong with him”. The role of the accused is always unpleasant, therefore, naturally, every normal person tries to avoid it or "gets ready to fight back the initiator."

It should be remembered that the initiator of the conflict, for rare exception when it's just a capricious, quarrelsome, "quarrelsome" person - he always has personal reasons to "start a quarrel." As a rule, behind his dissatisfaction and claims there is a rather significant reason or personal interest - some state of affairs that does not suit him, burdens, torments, causes anxiety or inconvenience.

Thus, in order for the conflict not to go down the “crooked path” from the very first step, you need to treat the initiator of the collision fairly and patiently: immediately “from the threshold” do not condemn, brush aside, do not scold, but carefully and listen to him as kindly as possible.

Rule 2: Do not expand the subject of the dispute.

The second rule of behavior in conflict is to identify the subject of the conflict and not expand it. The subject is understood as the reason for the partner’s dissatisfaction: what specifically does not suit him, what does he not like in the behavior of the other? The initiator of the conflict must also observe this rule, i.e., clearly and clearly formulate, first of all, for himself, what does not suit him and annoys him in another. Then fully and clearly state the reason for your claims.

Often quarreling people do not know how to abide by this rule. Vague irritation with something is poorly realized and is presented in the form of a spoiled mood. In this case, the partners will wallow in vague accusations, nit-picking, injections and even insults, through which the "accused" does not see the essence of the quarrel.

I give an example with a telephone conversation in the office: “Are you talking too loudly on the phone?” And further, “expanding the subject”: “For some reason, everyone should work, and you should talk ?!” Not only did the initiator expand the subject of the conflict, he actually insulted the "accused". Evaluation of industriousness already concerns the field of business and personal qualities the accused, and if he bad mood and in addition has a practical personality type, he will move to a "frontal" defense or to a "frontal attack" on the offender.

In a marital conflict, the wife formulates the subject quite precisely; "I don't want you to smoke in the room." But then he adds: “And in general, be more careful, you always wrinkle your clothes, stain the chair with ashes.” She expanded the subject of the conflict: she added a few more claims, in addition, of a personal nature: “You have become somehow sloppy.” When several accusations “fall down” on a person at once, it is difficult for him to assimilate and take note of them. When there are many subjects of conflict, the spouses cannot deal with any of them in detail and properly, a “congestion of problems” is created, the quarrel inevitably drags on and “there is no end in sight”.

So, the second rule of behavior in a conflict "clarification of the subject of the conflict and non-expansion of the number of subjects" should include "reducing the number of claims by one time." The danger of expanding the number of claims is that the accused gets the impression of absolute guilt in everything that happens to the initiator of the conflict.

Another consequence of the expansion of the number of claims may be an increase in the irritability of the accused, who does not know how to “please the initiator”, and is it necessary to do this if “everything is so bad”?! For example, the conflict began over a loud conversation on the phone, then they switched to something else, they remembered a report that was not given on time, the “idleness” of the accused, etc. And then the initiator said everything that he had accumulated in his soul, ”and the accused, driven to the extreme, also“ did not remain in debt ”, and laid out everything bluntly“ regardless of the faces.

Related to the second rule of behavior in conflict is psychological property some personalities, often non-conflicting in nature, restrain themselves and move away from the conflict. Sooner or later, mentally accumulated petty grievances form a "snowball", which is already difficult to stop. The presented case will reveal so many grievances and omissions that it will be simply impossible to cope with the conflict.

That is why the outcome of the conflict of the type "smoothing" and especially "leaving" is not recommended. They can leave the initiator and the accused with grievances in the form of unresolved contradictions. A variety of mental associations, gradually accumulating, acquiring details of other clashes and omissions even with other people, will cause a generalization of the subject of the conflict and, most importantly, the emotional involvement of the accused and the initiator will increase. Here, the participants - the partners of the conflict - face another danger - to make a hasty conclusion about the expediency of these relations in general.

So, quite often among young spouses, “marriage and divorce” can become commonplace, business as usual. The current ease of talking among young spouses about divorce is not so harmless. At first half-jokingly, and then seriously, the accumulated grievances and omissions lead to hasty conclusions and decisions. Well known from various areas practical activities a person that it is easier to destroy than to build and, moreover, anew. The same - in interpersonal relationships: one should not rush to conclusions about the meaning of specific relationships - comradely, friendly, friendly, and especially marital.

Psychological research shows that only the presence of all types of relationships provides personality harmonious development life satisfaction, optimism. It is easier for an active person to establish relationships in new circumstances, although he cannot provide himself with all types of relationships in these conditions. An introverted, uncommunicative person is also easier to manage with a minimum of contacts and relationships. But it is absolutely impossible to form kinship, parental, marital and friendship relations in the same capacity.

The neglect of friendly and comradely relationships affects not only the reputation of the individual, but, ultimately, creates internal barrier inability to maintain relationships. As a result, the personality develops such a trait as suspicion in relationships with other people. She dwells on failures in relationships with people, often doubts the sincerity of any relationship, is overly critical and even negative in assessing the behavior of others. Losing various contacts and relationships due to his suspicion and distrust, such a person isolates himself even more.

Rule 3: Strive for a positive conflict resolution.

The third rule of behavior in conflict is the formulation of a positive solution to an acute situation. This will force the initiator, firstly, to mentally weigh all the pros and cons in the accusation; second, calculate possible consequences conflict for relationships; and, thirdly, to think for the accused about his preferred option for the outcome of the conflict. All together, this can: reduce the potential of the initiator's negative tension, expand his understanding of the subject and expediency of the conflict, feel himself in the role of the accused. For example: “I have a very bad headache today, and if possible, speak a little more quietly.” The initiator, as it were, finds an extraneous reason forcing him to make a claim, which weakens the tension of the situation.

An unobtrusive appeal to well-being also helps to mitigate the conflict, for example, such a variant of the behavior of the initiator: “You know, you will talk for now, but I’ll go to the neighboring department on business.”

A positive solution to a marital conflict can proceed as follows. The wife, dissatisfied with her husband's smoking in the room, offers: “I understand that it’s hard for you to quit smoking, but I can’t stand it tobacco smoke maybe you will smoke in the kitchen? Then the room will remain fresh air, and you will not worsen your comfort.

In order to avoid a quarrel in a conflict situation, the accused needs to clarify the subject of contradictions, localize the causes of discontent and offer the initiator of the conflict to suggest a positive way out.

Another version of the development of the conflict. In the room the husband reads or writes, the wife listens to music. “Turn off the radio,” is how he formulates the desired outcome for him. This is what he expects and demands, this outcome suits him. But, at the same time, it is not clear whether the music interferes with concentration or is it just a whim of the husband? With the right tactics of behavior, the “accused” clarifies the subject possible conflict: "You generally interfere with the music in this moment or, with its quiet sound, could you continue your work?

Rule 4: Control your emotions.

The fourth rule of behavior in conflict concerns the emotional side of arguing. Often, conflicting partners are able to correctly determine the subject of the conflict, treat the right of the initiator fairly, express their demands, outline the outcomes of the conflict, but the whole tone of the conversation sometimes nullifies these achievements. As a rule, the conflicting parties at the time of the conflict experience the tension of the emotional state. Their statements are categorical, categorical, demanding.

Often the initiator of the conflict begins the "offensive" in a raised tone, without choosing expressions. Sometimes, in familiar relationships, at work, rudeness to each other becomes the norm. And if men are easier to tolerate vulgar expressions, then they simply insult a woman. The defendant's natural reaction to any tactless and rude attack by the initiator may be the answer: “Are you, in fact, talking to me in such a tone?” Moreover, such a mistake of the initiator allows the partner to get away from the dispute in the most “honest” way”: “I can’t stand rudeness and screaming, you’ll cool down, then maybe we’ll talk, or maybe not!” And the accused will be right in his own way.

Therefore, the most required condition dispute, collision - the most calm and even tone of statements, accuracy and thoughtfulness of words. It is necessary to speak in such a way that in the voice and words there is not even a hint of irritation, anger, reproach, there is no insult to the partner. In a word, the form of the dispute should be “a business conversation of business people”.

It is appropriate, in connection with the tone of the disputes, to mention the form of address for "you". In Russian literary language it is customary in business relations to address not to “you”, but to “you”. Moreover, it is no coincidence that "you" is written with capital letter, indicating a respectful and distant attitude. In general, the form of address to "You" carries a large regulatory burden in interpersonal relationships. The desire to break social, age, role barriers in relationships is incorrectly interpreted by people in everyday life when they're neglecting remote form"You" often find themselves in a quandary. So, once breaking the distance in officials, professional relations, the boss is surprised when a subordinate behaves “too loose” in a conflict.

There is a certain selectivity in establishing the relationship between "you" and "you". Persons with good self-control, self-regulation easily, depending on the situation, move from one distance to another. But there are also such persons who strive in every possible way to reduce the distance in relations, which, allegedly, gives them the right to behave in their own way in official setting. In these cases, the distance can be increased unilaterally by switching to "You" in any situation. The distance also increases by avoiding conversations on any personal topics. Of course, the form of address to "You" is acceptable in business, official relations, and it will also look pretentious and even ridiculous in personal, family relations.

Rule 5: Be tactful in an argument.

And finally, the fifth and most important rule: avoid conflicts that affect feelings dignity personality. We must not allow claims about loud telephone conversation turned into a personal insult. For example: “You are not just talking loudly, but you are a talker, you do not want to work. You live by the principle “what would you do to do nothing!” Conflicts over trifles, unfortunately, often flare up in transport, when one, unexpected push in a crowded car is enough to rain down personal insults. And then the mood is already spoiled for a long time, it is transferred to working environment, into the house - the circle of grievances for everyone and everything closes. Often, even in adults, “childish egocentrism” persists, when any conflicts with any people are perceived as purely personal.

"Children's egocentrism - infantilism" is especially sensitive to minor troubles. A push in transport, a careless word at work and at home is enough - and pride is hurt, although it may have nothing to do with it here. But the “insulted” person is ready to fight back “by full form". It is very easy for each specific offender to become the embodiment of evil, dissatisfaction with him develops into a generalized assessment of his belonging to a certain gender, age, profession, education, nationality. So, an accidental offender - a man - in the eyes of a woman can personify the whole masculine(rude, selfish, "ungentlemanly"). A woman who inadvertently hurt a man's pride embodies all the women who only exist to annoy men (“All of you ...”)

On the subject of conflicts can be divided into "business" and "personal". business conflict based on different attitude to some things, third parties, ways of behaving. He's always specific: "I don't want you to... smoke in the room, meet this guy, play the tape recorder so loudly, leave your stuff, etc." In the industrial sphere, a business conflict can begin like this: “You must follow the safety rules, otherwise an accident is possible, and you will be a victim or guilty of what can happen”, “You must observe labor discipline.” All business service conflicts are built on the principle of duty, the need to comply with certain rules business relations.

Personal conflicts are always less specific, and the claim is directed not to particular behavior, but to the personality of the partner as a whole. An example of family and marriage conflicts: “I'm tired of your tediousness. You are so uncollected. You always lie to me. You're very rude man etc." In the business sphere of relations, the initiator of the conflict also gives a generalized assessment of the identity of the perpetrator: “You are completely lazy man". "Your stupidity amazes me." "You are too talkative to do anything serious and necessary." As you can see, here the person as a whole is reproached, behind personal claims is the assessment "You (you) are not good."

Business conflicts are much easier and easier to resolve. But personal - only with difficulty. After all, behind personal claims is the requirement that a person completely or partially change his character, temperament, or even needs. Behind the habits of behavior, one way or another, there can be a deep, stable foundation. So, if it is possible to partially correct tastes, attachments, habits, then it is impossible to change the basic needs of the individual, her temperament. In stressful situations natural features personalities - will definitely declare themselves. All this, however, does not mean that a personality, once formed, is no longer able to change and improve.

If circumstances do not make it possible to terminate any relationship, then you can resort to effective way: "to speak frankly", it is reasonable to argue. Such conditions of difficulty are possible when family relations and relations of cooperation, when a common cause obliges to interact "against all odds."

For a reasonable dispute, you must follow some rules. "Frank conversation" should be at a certain, agreed time, and not "on the go", "by the way." The spontaneity and thoughtlessness of a rational dispute "leaves everything in its place", "there will be a sediment in the soul." So we were told by surveyed and consulted married couples. It is very important to determine the place of the dispute. It is not good to argue in front of children or parents, in the presence of guests. AT working conditions a business dispute has the same rule: timing convenient for both parties and "lack of interested witnesses."

Before the dispute, the initiator must clearly articulate “what he wants to say” without asking extraneous questions. It is better for both parties to go on an argument with a willingness to find all the best that is in the other.

And the main condition is a calm tone and self-hypnotic motivation for the inevitability of cooperation. Can you mentally imagine desert island, where, apart from the two of you, there is no one and it is not known when it will be. Naturally, for every normal person the choice of the alternative "conflict - cooperation" will be obvious. And you can not at the same time think that your partner thinks the situation differently. Moreover, he may sooner or later feel the "background" of cooperation, not rivalry.

AT interpersonal conflict, especially in the family, household, partner (marital) sphere, there is no only right and only guilty side. Sometimes a conflict arises due to the fact that one side is overexcited for some reason (difficulties at work, a quarrel with a friend, a complication in family relationships), and the other side, instead of “leaving” or “smoothing” the tension, chooses tactics confrontation or coercion. Objectively assessing the situation, the positions of the initiator and the accused are clearly visible. And although the initiator is only in a tense state, the conflict has been revealed and is not directly connected with this particular partner, but the supposedly “accused” is already in a hurry to “take the blow on himself”, instead of diverting the conversation in a different direction and allowing the initiator to discharge himself into “ other direction." The practical type of personality is more categorical in its judgments, therefore it is more often and straightforward in assessing the situation “either he or I”.

You can not immediately reject any accusation, even if it seems absurd and unfounded. Any claim of an accomplice (partner) has some basis, or maybe the conflict has a completely different source. It is important to discuss this issue immediately or agree on a conversation (but in no case “showdown”) later and more calm environment. The tactic of initial rejection, even if only mentally, is characteristic of practical type personality, the cognitive (thinking) type is more rigid (inflexible), it takes time to think or clarify controversial issues the contradiction that has arisen.

It must be remembered that everyone is an individual and therefore it is sometimes difficult for us to resolve the contradictions that arise in relationships. He (the other) is just a little different from us, and this can cause disagreement. Faced with other people, we find similarities-differences in points of view, emotional states, behavior. Similarity - causes satisfaction, but temporary, then indifference and even boredom may occur. Difference creates tension, but interest in a person different from our own is possible. Collaboration is facilitated by the search for similarities between "I" and "he" (or "she").

It is wrong to think that life is sheer pleasure without any problems, obstacles, complications. It is also not true that the other person should always be only pleasant, sympathetic to us. This must be remembered especially when there are difficulties, difficulties in interpersonal relationships. The presence of contradictions and even conflicts is inevitable, but the main thing is not to rush to conclusions “to be or not to be in a relationship”.

It is unacceptable in conditions of any tension in relations, disagreement to make generalizations like: "All men", "All women", "Everything that generally interferes with life." Such generalizations are not limited only to the mentally accepted position, but an assessment of the situation is given and our emotions are turned on, further strengthening the generalizations, fixing them in the form of a persistently experienced conflict.

It is impossible to think that the conflict, once resolved, will not arise again. After all, the formation of optimal relationships is associated with the development of new traits of personality behavior, for example, compliance, tolerance for the mistakes of others, etc. It takes patience and time to bring communication skills"to perfection" that suits both parties.

It must be remembered that the closer the relationship, for example, marital, the more difficult it is in cases of their difficulties. Friend and love relationship we are not obligated to anything, but they are also more superficial, unreliable, like comradely relations that bind us with one common cause. True, the existing administrative legislation and industrial discipline regulate relations, but the problem of personal relations does not completely disappear. AT covert difficulties remain here. It is important to resolve them correctly for the good of the common cause.

It is useful to alternate the time of communication with each other and isolation from each other, which is especially important for close family, marital relations. For each, for example, a married couple, their own ratio of communication and isolation is optimal, but it must be, because it makes it possible to better feel the personal originality and originality, the uniqueness of the partner. After all, in order for there to be interest in each other, personal development is necessary. Without internal work on oneself, a person becomes ordinary and uninteresting. Of course, at the beginning of our relationship it is difficult for a short time exhaust spiritual and emotional values. Io constant, day after day, communication reduces the "newness" of the relationship. The effect of monotony is also known, which manifests itself not only in monotonous work, but also in human relationships.

It must be remembered that a man and a woman are differently sensitive to the assessment of their personality. So, if a woman is more sensitive to assessing her appearance, attractiveness, then men most of all appreciate in themselves business qualities, the ability to solve practical, life tasks. By slightly overestimating these qualities, we will not go far from the truth. It is no coincidence that they say that a woman becomes a woman next to a man, and a man becomes next to a woman. It is necessary to accumulate "baggage" of positive memories of each other, this will play a positive role in conditions of tension and conflict. At such moments, it is better to remember not the worst, but the best minutes of past relationships.

It is impossible to idealize the relations of friendship, comradeship and matrimony. Neither the first, nor the second, nor the third can completely solve our internal difficulties. Only the whole variety of relationships provides confidence, vital optimism. Also unreasonable is the cynicism, the vulgarity of relationships, from which, like a cancerous disease, not only they themselves, but also the personality are destroyed. Here the principle applies: "What you sow, you will reap!".

Do not try to completely "remake", re-educate each other at work, at home, in the family. It is better to engage in self-education - this will help you personally and will not cause protest, hostility from others. High demands to yourself first and then to others. This does not mean that you should always blame yourself for everything. There is a category of shy, insecure people. For greater confidence, they should, having overcome themselves, believe in their capabilities, find the strength to change others, although this is not easy to do, since they became insecure due to education, when they were too often underestimated, and the initiative was suppressed.

Shy people need to constantly improve themselves and get more involved in active community service which makes it possible to contact different people having a variety of styles of behavior, communication. All this will expand the range of knowledge, skills, communication skills. The art of communication is born only in practice joint work(educational, labor, public).

Trust is one of the essential qualities personality that determine her interpersonal comfort. Excessive and unchanging credulity is a sign of inexperience, vulnerability of the individual. But the worst of all is suspicion of everything. The distrust of one, especially the leader, almost always gives rise to the distrust of subordinates. Without mutual trust people would never be able to agree on anything. And how we appreciate the trust in us!

The last and perhaps most important point is that relationships require great work to save them. And this is not written in textbooks, no one teaches this. Meanwhile, it is easier to destroy than to build again. AT work collective and in the personal, family and domestic spheres, everyday work on managing relationships is necessary. In business relations, the motto should be cooperation on a principled business basis. Under these conditions, disputes are necessary for the sake of a common cause. Without them, business partnerships can turn into personal friendships. Cooperation will be replaced by commonwealth. In personal relationships, the commonwealth will be the motto, for the sake of maintaining relations, and not for the sake of business.

If cooperation exists only for business, then commonwealth exists to preserve feelings of personal affection, but regardless of the type of relationship, their labor intensity is the same. In educational, labor activity, the progress of technology, technology, and the rationalization of labor is noticeable. In the realm of human relations, however, the difficulties do not completely disappear. And the next generation, and each person resolves them in his own way, fights again and again.

Conflicts ... This word is constantly heard in modern society. Personal and work disagreements lead to various negative situations when people are forced to look for ways to get out of them with the least moral loss. That is why conflict prevention is the key healthy relationships when there is no need to stay in search of ways of reconciliation.

What is conflict

AT modern psychology there are many various definitions this concept. But they all suggest that conflict is the most acute phase of resolving various contradictions. They arise in the process of interaction and consist in the opposition of the participants in the situation, accompanying it with negative emotions. Most scientists focus on the inconsistency of the goals and interests of the subjects of the disagreement that has arisen.

There is a definition of contradiction as a speech action, where three stages of the struggle of interests are distinguished, the result of which is a conflict:

• differences of opinion;
• contradiction in dialogues;
• direct struggle, expressed in conflicts of actions.

Thus, conflict prevention means the absence of any speech acts aimed at causing damage of any kind to the other party.

Essence of the conflict

In order for conflict prevention to be sufficiently effective, it is necessary to understand what is the essence of the contradiction, which has four characteristics;

• structure;
• dynamics;
• function;
• control.

The structure of the conflict consists of:

• object (subject of dispute);
• subjects (individuals, groups or organizations);
• flow conditions;
• scale;
• strategies and tactics of behavior of the subjects of the situation;
• outcome.

The psychology of conflict involves a dynamic process that consists of the following steps:

• subject situation when objective reasons for conflict;
• conflict interaction, where the incident itself occurs;
• conflict resolution, which can be full or partial.

Conflict performs various functions, and some of them are quite important for effective interaction sides:

• dialectical, implying the identification of the causes of conflict interaction;
• constructive, suggesting the direction of the tension caused by the situation that has arisen, to achieve the goal;
• destructive, when various personal and emotional colors relationships.

The regulation of the conflict comes down, in fact, to the ability to manage it. Management, in turn, is divided into external and internal. In the first case, control over the situation is entrusted to the leader, in the second, personal control of one's behavior is necessary.

The main stages of conflict situations

The reasons for disagreements can be very different, but common to all of them are the stages of the emergence and resolution of the dispute. So, the stages of the conflict are as follows:

• the moment of the emergence of a conflict situation, which can be provoked by one or several people;
• awareness of the current situation, expressed in a change in mood and various critical statements about the opponent;
• open confrontation, when the parties proceed to active actions in order to inflict offense or other moral damage to the enemy;
• awareness by the opponent of the conflict situation and the beginning of response actions;
• the development of a conflict when certain demands are put forward;
• the ending of disagreements through requests, conversations or administrative methods, consisting in a court decision, dismissal, etc.

As you can see, these stages of the conflict go from one to another, regardless of the type of disagreement that has arisen.

Outcomes

There are different options for resolving conflict situations:

• withdrawal from it, when one of the parties does not notice or pretends not to notice the disagreements that have arisen;
• smoothing out contradictions, when one of the subjects of the conflict either agrees with the claims made by the other party, or justifies himself;
• compromise, when both parties make mutual concessions in order to resolve differences;
• an increase in tension, when the beginning of the conflict is of a particularly sharp nature and turns into a serious confrontation, not limited in time;
• suppression of the conflict by force, when one of the parties or both subjects is forced to accept a certain point of view.

Types of conflicts

The psychology of conflict involves its division into types depending on the basis. So, the basis for the selection in separate type may be the following factors:

• sources of occurrence;
• social consequences;
• scale;
• forms of struggle;
• subject tactics.

Also, conflicts are divided into two types in relation to a separate subject:

• internal;
• external.

The internal conflict involves the contradiction of the desires of one person, and the external one - the disagreement between him and environment. The nature of the external conflict, in turn, can be interpersonal, intergroup, or such that arose between the individual and the group.

Interpersonal conflict is the most common and consists in a clash of interests. various persons. Intergroup, as a rule, occurs in working atmosphere when the interests of small groups are opposed. As for the conflict between the individual and the group, this kind of disagreement is also characteristic of the business sphere, when the interests of the organization are contrary to the interests of the individual.

In addition to such disagreements, there are many others: family, teenage, personal or generational conflict. In each of these situations, problems arise with the closest people, which means that everything must be done to prevent this.

Family conflicts

Unfortunately, despite all efforts, conflicts in the family are inevitable. And the point here is not that people do not like each other, just not everyone knows how to resolve differences peacefully.

Conflicts in the family can be between spouses, between children, between parents and children, between spouses and their parents - there are many options. However, the question arises: why do some couples live happily ever after, while others become enemies and part forever? It's all about people's attitude to the current situation. The subject of the conflict can inflate the scandal by increasing its scale, but it is in his power to end it without great moral losses.

In order for a conflict situation to arise, the slightest reason is enough. Sometimes it becomes like a game of table tennis, when partners throw mutual accusations at each other, like a ball in a game. This can go on for quite a long time, it all depends on the desire and ability of the parties to make trouble.

In fact, there are many ways to keep the peace in the family. For example, if frequent contentions began to appear not so long ago, you can try to express your claim and ask your spouse to voice it in their own words. Psychologists say that most of the problems in couples arise due to a misinterpretation of the words of their half. Having tried this method, you will quickly see that the essence of the conflict has no basis.

If the cause of disagreement is a mismatch in desires, take a piece of paper and write down what you would like to do. It is desirable that the list contains at least 5 items. Then compare your desires and try to deduce from them something common for both. You will be surprised how effective this method is.

However, it is worth remembering that, regardless of the cause of disagreement, the main thing is to find out its cause. Conflict prevention is about listening and hearing each other. In addition, it is necessary to voice your desires, not expecting that they will be guessed by your spouse. If you follow these two rules, the number of conflict situations in family life will be kept to a minimum.

The problem of fathers and children

In modern society, there are three main directions: older, mature and young. The conflict of generations is a normal component of the relationship between older and younger.

As for the discussion of this type of disagreement, the transition to micro levels is inevitable, when such situations become commonplace in any average family, where the views of parents differ from those of children or adolescents. However, different worldviews do not necessarily lead to conflict situations.

How to avoid generation gap? The only way out of this situation is the acceptance of the views of the other side, mutual respect and tolerance. For example, pensioners, having ceased to perform their daily professional duties, find themselves in a difficult psychological situation when they need help and support from loved ones.
Adolescents, in turn, are at an age when categorical and complete denial of the opinions of adults is normal for them. Standing between pensioners and youth are mature people who may also suffer from different views on the lives of their parents or children. In this case, each of the parties must be tolerant of the opinions of others and respect them. Only such mutual understanding can be the answer to the question of how to avoid conflict between different generations.

Teenage conflicts

AT adolescence, which is considered one of the most difficult periods, conflicts occupy special place, being an integral part social life. Adolescent conflicts arise not only in relationships with parents, but also when communicating with peers. Often it is the difficult relationships of the child with his comrades that become a serious cause for parental concern. At this time, adults are required to make every effort to help the teenager avoid communication difficulties. There are several rules, the observance of which can help to avoid such situations and help the teenager most painlessly move on to the next stage of life. So, if your goal is to prevent conflicts, you are required to:

• Don't blame the teenager for everything. It is on this life stage trusting relationships with adults are crucial for him. Therefore, it is extremely important that the child knows that he can trust you in any situation, without fear of accusations against him.
• Find out the reason for the disagreement. Find out from the child all the details of what happened before drawing conclusions. If a teenager withdraws into himself, you should talk to school teachers and find out the cause of the problem.
• Realize that parental intervention is not always beneficial. If a we are talking about a quarrel between best friends who can swear several times a day, and sometimes it comes to a fight, then adult intervention will only have negative result. Before making a decision to help a child, find out all the details of what happened.
• Show no indifference. Not always the position of an outside observer is beneficial. For example, if your child has serious problems with peers who do not accept him in their circle, this can lead to serious psychological problems in future. Such a situation should be taken under control as early as possible, finding out the reasons for such behavior.

Your benevolent attitude and tolerance are crucial in the painless resolution of teenage conflicts.

Personality Conflicts

Particularly common are personal conflicts that can arise both between colleagues and between people related to each other by various social connections. They, as a rule, appear due to the impossibility of accepting the point of view, ideology, value system and other attitudes of the enterprise. Disagreements may also arise between employees due to the incompatibility of their characters and other psychological characteristics.

The main quality that helps in overcoming such situations is tolerance towards the opinions of others. It is necessary to realize that no one is obliged to share your point of view, because each person has own opinion. Awareness of this fact makes it easier to perceive personal differences.

Conflict Resolution Styles

Depending on the goals and interests of the subjects of the conflict situation, the following styles of its resolution are distinguished:

1. Competition is one of the toughest options for resolving conflict situations. Suitable for people seeking to solve the problem in the first place to satisfy their own interests. The style is most acceptable in cases where the subject of the conflict is an employee of the organization, and the resolution of the situation is in the competence of the leader. In this case, it is competition that will teach employees to obey, and also help restore faith in the success of the enterprise in a difficult situation.
2. Evasion - is expressed in too long postponing a decision under various pretexts. It leads to the fact that the situation only becomes more complicated over time, so this style is the least preferred.
3. Adaptation - implies a focus on the behavior of others and an unwillingness to defend one's own interests. The result of choosing this style of conflict resolution is a concession to the requirements of the opponent and the recognition of his rightness.
4. Cooperation - involves solving the problem in one's favor, taking into account the interests of the other side. This is the most acceptable style of resolving social conflicts, because it is the key to maintaining peaceful relations in the future.
5. compromise based on mutual concessions both sides. It is suitable for situations where the goals of the parties coincide, only the ways to achieve them differ. This style of conflict resolution is often the most the best option for participants.

The main ways to resolve conflict situations

All methods of conflict resolution that exist today can be divided into two categories. large groups: negative and positive.

Negative means the struggle for their own interests, main goal which is a change in the conflict situation. This can be achieved in various ways:

• affecting the other side;
• changing the balance of power;
• using both truthful and false information about an opponent for their own purposes;
• correctly assessing the other side and its capabilities.

This method of resolving the conflict is quite aggressive and often leads to a violation of unity between the parties in the future. That is why, as far as possible, it should be avoided.

Positive ways of resolving conflicts involve negotiating to determine the most optimal solution to the situation. They, as a rule, require concessions from the subjects and lead to partial satisfaction of the interests of the parties.

Thus, there are many ways to resolve conflict situations, but the best way is to prevent it.

How to avoid conflicts

The most common reason for this kind of disagreement is the excessive emotionality of a person. If your goal is to prevent conflicts, you should learn:

• calmness and stress resistance, thanks to which you can calmly assess the current situation;
• keep your emotions under control in order to be able to convey arguments to your opponent as efficiently as possible;
• listen and pay attention to the words and manifestation of the feelings of others;
• realize the right of each person to resolve this or that situation in his own way;
• do not use offensive words and do not act in order to humiliate the opponent.

Following these rules will help to avoid the occurrence of various conflict situations, and therefore the need to look for the best way out of them.

Should conflicts always be avoided?

A conflict situation is always a clash of interests. Such a confrontation implies that each of the parties will try to defend their desires and point of view, which will inevitably lead to all sorts of disagreements. Of course, it is difficult to argue with the fact that a bad peace is better than a good quarrel, and it is better to remain silent somewhere than to provoke a scandal.

But if you look at the situation from the other side, it turns out that conflicts are of some benefit. For example, they help to see existing problems in a new light. This applies to both personal and business relationships. Expressing your opinion is always better than silently experiencing your own dissatisfaction. In personal relationships, such silence will sooner or later lead to a large-scale scandal that can end in a complete separation of people. It concerns couples, friends and even parents and children. No person can silently endure discontent all his life, sooner or later it will come out. The later this happens, the worse the consequences will be. That is why the periodic occurrence of conflict situations will avoid global problems in relations. However, it must be borne in mind that it is necessary to resolve them correctly so that they do not drag on and do not become a habitual way of life.

With regard to business relationships, conflicts of various kinds also allow you to see the problems that exist in the team, the solution of which should be started as early as possible.

When people live for years without a conflict situation, this indicates a lack of closeness between them and indifference to each other. No one can read another person's mind and fully live up to his expectations. Therefore, it is imperative to pronounce your desires, even if this leads to a small conflict. The desire to negotiate and solve the problem peacefully will improve relations, instead of causing harm.

However, too much disagreement is also not an indicator of a healthy relationship, so conflict prevention is sometimes the best way solving the situation.

In our time, it is becoming increasingly difficult to avoid conflict situations. Often you have to bend over and act wisely in order to live in peace with the people around you. American psychologist Dorothy Thompson once said: “We cannot completely avoid conflict situations, but we always have an alternative in how to respond to them. The alternatives are passive or aggressive responses to conflict.”

Arguing over the words of a psychologist, we can conclude that the conflict can be viewed from different angles. On the one hand, you can completely break off relations with a person, and on the other hand, you can get to know him better. The best way to avoid conflict is to anticipate and accept it.

You must be aware of all possible risks, since conflict is often main reason stress, which can be harmful to your health. But if you have done everything possible to avoid the conflict, and it is still not resolved, then the following tips will come in handy.

1. Avoid getting into the epicenter of conflict

Sometimes people can find themselves in the middle of conflicts and disputes because they want to help. To be honest, it's very risky because you can end up in the middle of someone else's problem and become main figure conflict. Let other people figure out their relationship without your intervention. You must focus on your own life problems and try to find ways to solve them in the shortest period of time.

1. please

When someone pushes you to the limit, try to happy face and treat this person kindly instead of flattering him into a fight. Life is full of conflicts and disagreements, so you must find more conservative ways to deal with them. For example, kindness can ease conflict. Kindness is a defense mechanism against negative feelings about conflict. Also, people around you will appreciate your conflict resolution skills.

1. Try to be a peacemaker

Those people who love peace, they try not to get involved in conflicts. If you have peace and love in your heart you are almost invincible. Peacekeepers tend to cooperate with people without hurtful emotions, which usually lead to arguments and even conflicts. "The most big win in battle it is victory without battle and loss. Don't worry, if you're not a born peacemaker, you can learn this skill during your lifetime.

1. Mediator Habit

If someone has a conflict, you should not interfere in this process in any way. Weak people usually try to hide behind the stronger ones in order to find help and support in their actions. You'd better get rid of the habit of mediating conflict if you don't want to deal with stress alone on a regular basis. Try to be a third part in other people's conflicts.

1. Walk from

When conflict escalates and you lose control of yourself, you must make a choice to handle the situation differently. By all means, try to keep yourself away from stress. It is useful to put some distance between yourself and your opponent and get away from the situation for a while. If possible, you should leave this conflict in the past or choose to return to it later. Do your best to cool off and leave all disagreements in the past. This approach will give you a chance to defuse this problem.

1. Get rid of negativity and drama

Try to avoid negative people and dramatic situations as much as possible, because they are the main destroyers of self-confidence and self-esteem. What's more, they can affect your physical and mental well-being. For negative people, dramatizing situations are like oxygen and if you don’t stop surrounding yourself with such people, you will also perceive the world over time. Don’t let these people catch you on negative thoughts and feelings.

1. Avoid provocateurs

One of the most effective ways to prevent conflicts is to prevent contact with provocateurs. There are always a lot of people around who observe all possible things in order to involve others in the conflict. Very often this attitude in life leads to confrontation, punishment and arguments. When dealing with a provocateur, you should always try to delay your reaction when they are provoked. This will help you to consider the situation and its results. Make a conscious effort to delay your reaction with your will and in that amount of time, choose the best way to respond.

Conflicts and anxious situations are the main causes of stress, and this is very harmful to your health. I hope these tips on how to avoid conflict situations will help you stay positive and enjoy life. What do you usually do to avoid conflict?