Not all people speak the same language in love! This is important thing, but we understand it, as a rule, already with experience. Others may be completely different from us: they show and express love in a completely different way.
Not all people speak the same language in love! This is an important thing, but we understand it, as a rule, already with experience. Others may be completely different from us: they show and express love in a completely different way.
When a loved one shows their feelings in a way that we are not ready and accustomed to, this often pushes us to the wrong conclusion: we are not loved. It is the same with us: when our own behavior does not live up to their expectations, loved ones can lose faith in our feelings. This is why sincere communication and attention is so important in relationships: how else will we learn how best to show our love ourselves in such a way that close person understand us?
So, here are the 5 main love languages. Which one is yours?
1. Words
This is exactly what they say "women love with their ears." Words of love have an independent value: a person can shower his lover or beloved with gifts, generously give attention, do not step aside - and still his partner will feel discomfort if they are not uttered the right words(Yes, and in the right amount: for some people, it’s not enough to hear “I love you” once - it should sound all the time). The behavior of such people can leave the impression of ingratitude: they do so much for them, but they demand some more words! In fact, they are not ungrateful at all, just a verbal expression of love is more accessible to them than any other.
2. Courtship
In contrast to the previous type, this is a way of expressing love based on the principle "actions speak for themselves." To what unnecessary words? For adherents of this type, only actions matter. They literally cannot imagine life without courtship, and this does not mean romantic trips to a restaurant or beautiful gifts, but real action: it is most natural for such a person to constantly try to help, do something for his partner, support him with an act. It is such a person who will hold an open umbrella over you, even if you quarreled and do not talk. Such people can be very demanding: in turn, they refuse to believe in your love until you start doing something, and flowers with sweets will not count.
3. Gifts
Yes, this is also a special type of love. A gift is not necessarily something expensive, it is generally far from always some kind of valuable item. It's in literally a sign of attention - physical evidence that you thought about your loved one (for example, in a store, passing by the counter with his favorite sweets). For many people, this is the material embodiment of the idea of giving and receiving: not only in material, but also in more deep sense. So receiving and giving are a serious problem for them. psychological need. Unfortunately for adherents of this type of love, they are often accused of greed and commercialism, while ignoring the fact that they themselves give with the same pleasure that they receive gifts.
4. Shared time
Time is an amazing thing: we all have it equally, and at the same time too little, but we can never get rid of the memories of the time spent. For some people, time is the most important and valuable thing they can give you. And that's what they expect in return, so when you're with them, turn off your phone, don't listen to the radio playing in the background, don't look around. Your time—and your attention—should be theirs entirely. It is for such people that it is most problematic to understand introverts, who simply physically need to spend a lot of time alone. Refusing to share time with them seems like a betrayal to such people.
5. Physical contact
For adherents of this type, every little touch is a gift. Such people are very fond of walking hand in hand, which can be completely misunderstood and superficially interpreted as a demonstration of your relationship to the public. In fact, it is important for them just to feel the warmth of your hand. They always try to be as close to you as possible: to sit down so as to touch you, fall asleep in an embrace. Oddly enough, it is this love language, so natural, that is the most underestimated. Physical contact is kind of natural, so why focus on it? However, if your partner "speaks" this language, he will understand and deeply appreciate your love only when it is shown physically.
So, what for some is a trifle, for others it is a sincere manifestation of deep feelings. Fortunately, love really is like a language: we always have a chance to understand each other. So even if you and your loved one belong to absolutely different types, a heart-to-heart conversation will help you better understand each other's expectations and attitudes. It may be easier to make your lover happy than you thought!
five love languages
It is common for people at a certain age to communicate in a language characteristic only of this age - infants communicate in the language of sounds, becoming a little older, the language of sounds begins to change and turns into adult speech.
Wherein, adult speech is also not the same, since people tend to speak different languages, depending on belonging to a particular people.
So it is with our feelings, one of which is love.
Loving, we begin to speak special language with which we express the feelings inherent in loving man and a woman.
But since each person is unique, each has its own peculiarities of this language, and in order to be in harmony with a loved one, to understand his feelings and desires, it is necessary to know this language of love and know its features.
So, there are five love languages, and each person expresses his love in the language that suits his personality, temperament and character.
Therefore, it often happens that you don’t understand how this or that person loves you, although he shouts about it at the top of his voice, but you don’t seem to hear him, but all because if you speak Russian, and he Japanese, you will never understand what he says without knowing Japanese.
Fortunately, the language of love is a little easier than Japanese or Chinese, so learning it is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance.
So the five love languages
1. Language of love - Words of encouragement.
Praise and encouragement, that's the first language of love.
One of the most important needs man is the recognition of his abilities.
When we love, we want understanding, support and faith, faith in our abilities, we need someone to believe in us, give us the strength and desire to live and do something in this life.
That is why lovers cannot live without this language, if there is no language of encouragement, such love will not last long.
How will you feel if, for example, you go to college, and your beloved instead of the words “darling, you will succeed, you are smart, you can do everything”, will say: “You haven’t entered before and now you won’t be able to Why do you need it" and so on. How long would you like to be with such a person?
Or when a beloved man is working and trying to achieve something, and you will tell him “Yes, where are you climbing, you are trying all the time, but nothing works out for you, you have always been unlucky and now is not the case ...” - for a long time Will your relationship last? Does he want to share his feelings with you?
But if you tell him “My good man, you are great, you can do everything, I believe in you, you will achieve everything you want, you deserve it ...”
Do you think after such words, your feelings will be stronger? He will reach out to you as a woman in whom he sees support and his muse, this binds more than whatever you are, even sex does not have such an influence over a person as the ability to make a person believe in himself.
And these are just words of encouragement, approval and praise.
But it is important that all your praise, all encouragement be sincere and come from the heart. The fact is that if you do not believe in what you say and do not believe in your loved one, to whom you pronounce all these laudatory words, then there will be no result. This will not strengthen your love, since it is natural for a person to behave in accordance with his feelings and no matter what you say, your behavior will say the opposite and your loved one will feel false in your words.
Thus, the first language of love is sincere encouragement and praise, which show the person your love and faith in him.
2. Language of love - Joint pastime.
The second love language is spending time together.
For some people, this is one of the highlights in love relationship. So, some can love at a distance, while others need to be close to their beloved or beloved all the time, the only way they can fully enjoy this love, it’s not enough for them just to know that they are loved, they need to see, feel, smell, loved nearby.
Therefore, it is so difficult for some to wait for a loved one from a long business trip, or to wait for an endlessly working husband, and for some it is enough just to know that she loves and is loved, and she has enough of those moments that they manage to spend together.
Therefore, for those who need to be together with their loved ones, there is only one way out to be together, and if your companion wants this, you must do everything for this so that later there is no one to blame for infidelity and betrayal, because everyone wants to find happiness and for everyone it own.
Although, I would like to note that, according to our many years of experience, there is not a single family that would retain warm feelings at the same time, would not spend more free time - together and would not have common interests.
Every couple who thought it was superfluous and spent time together in so far as lost love and fidelity in a relationship.
Draw your own conclusions...
3. Language of love - Nice gifts.
How pleasant it is to receive gifts, and it is doubly pleasant to receive them from loved ones, because this is one of the ways to show care, tenderness and attention to loved ones.
When making gifts, we tell our beloved that we remember him, that we want to give pleasant emotions and please the beloved so that he knows how much we love him.
And with different gifts, we can talk about different feelings.
So, giving the necessary gifts, we show care and attention, and with pleasant trinkets we say that we remember our beloved and want to give him good and joyful emotions.
For some people gifts have great value and it is through them that they express all their feelings, they may not speak words of love, not express them clearly, but by giving gifts, they fully express their attitude towards their beloved.
There are also people who do not see gifts as a way to express their feelings and make them only because of the need dictated by society and its laws.
But such people often express their love through emotions, words and deeds.
Although, I would like to tell them that the gifts have not harmed anyone yet, but only benefited the relationship, loving friend friend of hearts.
4. Language of love - Help.
To help is to make life easier for another person. And what, if not this way, can show that you love and are loved? Whatever the help, but helping, a person takes responsibility, makes an effort on himself and complicates his life, so this is a great way to show and show your love.
It was not in vain that we made the reservation “whatever the help” as it often happens that the help provided to us does not always meet our expectations, it sometimes disappoints us, sometimes it makes us angry and it happens that we even quarrel with our loved ones because of the wrong assistance.
If you remember that while helping, your loved one still made an effort on himself and took on part of the responsibility, thus removing it from you, you will be more supportive and will understand that the result is not always important, but participation is always important.
5. The language of love - Tactile contact(touch).
One of my favorite ways to express my feelings is the language of love through touch.
The touch itself plays for the person huge role and influence the perception of a person, and in love, touch is especially important. The way we touch, we show our mood, we feel the mood of a loved one. Sex is also one way to express this love language.
Most people do not imagine a relationship without touch, without the ability to take a hand, cuddle, hug, lightly touch, stroke, and so on, there are many ways, but touching a loved one is an essential condition for loving, feeling love and expressing it.
Without this language of love, not a single person can, because from birth we receive exactly tactile sensations it was they who made us develop, feel self-confidence and avoid different kind danger.
Tactile sensations are vital for a person, they give confidence, a sense of stability and calmness in a relationship.
How to know your love language and the love language of a loved one
It will not be difficult to learn this love language if you are attentive to yourself and the person close to you.
Just listen to yourself, understand what you lack and what is for you, there is an expression of love, what is important to you in love and what actions or actions of a loved one make you believe that he loves you.
To find out what language is important for your loved one, you also have to listen to his desires, to what he lacks, maybe he complains that he gets little attention or no support? When your loved one is consumed by you? When he melts with love? What kind of expressions does he like? Knowing this, you will know his love language.
When I first heard about the book The Five Love Languages, I involuntarily thought that this was another cute book for youthful idealism and I didn’t need it.
But one evening, when it was raining outside and the mood was for reading, I thought, “It would be nice to have an ideal family life, the one that I read about in books about knights.” And at hand was Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages".
To say that I read it in one breath is a bit of a lie. I took some breaks to wipe the tears off my face and grab another dry handkerchief. I also prayed after almost every chapter, begging God to give me the wisdom to do everything.
Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages about life without pink glasses
What is this book about? Yes, actually, about life. But not the one I read about in romances with knights. About real life. About problems that everyone is either silent or ashamed of. And, most importantly, about solving these problems.
Gary Chapman begins his story with "the truth in the forehead", without ceremony: after the wedding, something happens with love. Those who are not yet married get a good hit on pink locks and illusions. And those who have their own families understand that they are not alone in their problem, that this is normal and there is a way out. The author not only shows the problem, but also gives hope for its solution.
Gary Chapman writes:“Do not despair if you seem to have lost all feelings. Since love is a choice, it is possible to love even when the infatuation has died and we have returned to reality. We must change the way we think. You need to take this position: "We got married, and now I will observe your interests." Whoever wants to love will find a suitable way to make this decision come true.
Of course, one should not miss the origins and causes of problems in the family. The author shows the relationship with parental love in childhood and conjugal love in marriage. There is also a chapter on falling in love.
Pointing out the problem, Gary Chapman offers a solution: the five love languages. To make your companion feel loved, you need to talk about your love for him in his language. Describing each of the love languages in detail with examples, the author gives practical advice that are really effective. It's like picking up the key to the heart of your companion. 
Identify your partner's love language with Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages
First love language- words of encouragement. Praise, support, requests help your spouse feel their importance. They bring you closer, heal wounds, and allow your spouse to get what they want in life.
Second love language- time. Make time for your family, for your companion. get busy joint activities- whether it's a walk in the park or renovation in the apartment. Remember when in last time your spouse had problems or troubles. Did you manage then the following: (1) not to advise, but to sympathize; (2) understand it rather than offer solutions; (3) ask more questions; (4) focus on himself, not on the problem. This is important for someone whose love language is time.
third love language- gifts. These are visible symbols of love. You can buy them, find them, make them yourself. Even your presence can be a gift. Gifts indicate that you are attentive and value relationships. Your presence as a gift means a lot. If something important happens in your family's life, be there for your spouse.
Fourth love language- help. Many after the wedding stop caring for their spouse, believing that this is no longer necessary. When you helped her before the wedding, how did she react? Maybe it brought you closer? If your partner's love language is helping, you just need to set aside some housework and do it to please your spouse.
Fifth love language touch and physical closeness. Touch is important to everyone. Expressing love in this language can be done in different ways. The language of touch is not only passionate kisses, sometimes it’s enough just to put your hand on your spouse’s shoulder. AT difficult moments try to be close to your spouse. In your arms, he would rather find solace than in empty words.
An excerpt from Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages:“... love opens doors to the future for us. If we chose love, if we found mutual language, we have created an emotional climate in which there is no place for previous conflicts […]. Falling in love temporarily satisfies our need for love. We feel that we are needed by someone, we are valued, we are admired. How wonderful it is to realize that for someone we are in the first place, that they are ready to devote all their time and energy to us. We are loved, what more could you want? The whole world belongs to us. Nothing is impossible. It seems that for the first time we understand what happiness is. Sooner or later we return to real world. If by this time the spouse has mastered our love language, we will not feel a recession. If not, our vessel of love dries up, and it seems to us that love is gone. Satisfy someone else's need for love or not, the choice is yours. If I know native language wife and often speak it, she feels my love. Her vessel of love is always full. If not, she will suffer, because she wants to be loved. A few years of such a life, and she will probably fall in love with another. Everything will start over.
Every day I face a choice - to show love to my wife or not. If I know and speak her native language, she believes in my love. If she does the same for me emotional need in love is satisfied with both of us, and we are happy. Our relations are developing, it gives us strength and vigor in other matters.
Every day I face a choice - to show love to my wife or not. If I know her native language and speak it, she believes in my love.
I cannot fully convey the meaning of each of the love languages without examples and illustrations by the author. But if you really want to build your marriage wisely, repair what was broken, or just have happy family you should definitely read this book.
Learn how to give your partner what they need - how to express love in the right way. Strengthen your marriage with prayers and your right action. Be loved and love!
How to fall in love with a man and live with him soul to soul? How to make sure that there is harmony and love in a relationship? After all, it’s not enough just to “be together”, whatever one may say, happy relationship- this is an investment not only of feelings, but also of work on both sides.
For harmony and mutual understanding, you need to learn the love language of your man and speak with him in this language.
Famous American psychologist Henry Chapman studied this topic and discovered 5 love languages that people speak. Each person speaks one of these languages (maximum two), and, unfortunately, it is very rare for partners to have these love languages. If you talk to your man in his love language (and not yours), then his vessel of love for you will always be filled to the brim. He will get what he wants, and your period of falling in love will stretch for many years.
From today's article, you can learn your love language and tell your man about it. As a result, if both of you speak each other's love language, you will live in perfect harmony, as each will receive emotional satisfaction from the relationship.
five love languages
1. Words of encouragement
A person who speaks this language of love needs compliments and kind words that encourage his actions. Find out what words or remarks your loved one is most offended by, and it is this area that you praise and support him the most.
For example, you sawed him for a long time because he was slowly moving along career ladder knowing that this is a very sore subject for him. So, from now on, notice each of his successes, say that you believe in him and admire him, encourage and do not criticize. It will fill to the brim and overflow pretty soon, and you will get a man in love, ready to move mountains for you. And, most likely, his work will go much better.
2. Acts of service
Such people, on the contrary, do not need words, but actions (acts of service).
Think about what your man asks for the most. Find out what help he needs. Such men, most often, are delighted with - housewives, who only do what they serve him (wash, iron, feed, and so on). Such a man is unlikely to be interested in business - a lady, unless, of course, she begins to selflessly serve him.
3. Touch language
The people who speak this language are in great need of physical contact. They will not feel love and will not believe that they are loved if they are only told about it, while rarely hugging and touching.
In principle, you may not even say much to such a man about your love for him, just touch him as often as possible. Give him a massage, massage his shoulders, ruffle his hair, just passing by and he will be happy!
4. The language of gifts
For such people, signs of attention in the form of gifts (materialized love) are important.
It is not necessary to give your man expensive gifts, this is not always and not entirely appropriate, since the amount of the gift does not really matter. It is enough to give him his favorite cigars, postcards or sweets. Going to visit him, be sure to stock up on some small surprise.
5. Language of quality time
These are lovers of quality communication, they need to be given time.
All attention should be directed precisely in his direction. Even if you are just sitting on the couch and talking, you should do it while focusing on your man. Do not be distracted by watching TV and do not look around.
You will need to sit, holding hands and communicate, looking into each other's eyes. You can spend time together watching movies, doing household chores or walking in the park, but, in any case, the emphasis should not be on something external, but on your man and your relationship.
In a word, high-quality communication is time that is completely, completely and undividedly given to your man.
How to define the language of love
Live in love!
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