The sages said that "they carry water on the offended." Children are often resentful, which is one of the natural reactions when they do not get what they want. However, many people do not grow out of this feeling and continue to be offended as teenagers and adults, even mature ones. How to stop being offended by loved ones, friends, husband, wife, parents and others who surround you?

The same wise men said that mature person always knows how. We can say that a truly grown-up person simply does not take offense, so he does not need to forgive anyone. How not to be offended at all will be discussed in the article ..

How to stop being offended?

Why should we care not to be offended? Resentment has many negative consequences, about which people often forget, and therefore allow themselves to be offended:

1. Resentment repels those who are offended. Nobody likes to be offended, so people try to avoid touchy people.
2. Resentment makes you take revenge on your offenders. This is another reason why you need to stop communicating with those who are offended often and for any little thing.
3. Resentment does not solve the problem, but only exacerbates it. Often people don't understand this. It seems to them that with their resentment they will help to correct the situation, although in fact they will make it even more problematic.

Resentment is a feeling that people use for only one purpose - manipulation. The child also uses resentment to manipulate his parents. What gives resentment? It aims to encourage people who are offended to take the actions that are expected of them. So, the child is offended by the parents who did not want to buy him a toy. If the child's resentment makes the parents feel guilty, then they change their mind and buy him a toy.

Resentment is a method of manipulation, nothing more, although people may not realize this. The main purpose of resentment is to force those people who are offended to take expected actions.

Thus, those who are very selfish become quite touchy people. Man only thinks about own desires and needs, so he cannot put up with how people behave if their actions do not meet his expectations.

There is another quality that should be noted. touchy people, is helplessness. Touchy people are so accustomed to living at the expense of others that they cannot even think of taking the necessary actions themselves and achieving what they want. They want others to do what they want and correct problem situations. That is why such behavior often pushes others away from the constantly offended person. Moreover, successful and truly happy people they will never connect their fate with touchy personalities, since the last category of people can only demand and be constantly dissatisfied, rather than achieve something themselves and make themselves happy.

You need to learn not to be offended by the people who surround you, which will help strengthen relationships with them. After all, no one likes to be guilty. Therefore, do not force your resentment to cause guilt in others.

How to stop being offended? Here you should understand several mechanisms and axioms that will help in solving the problem:

1. People can't read your mind. It seems that everyone around is doing something that is doing harmful things. People seem to deliberately try to offend you. However, it is not. People just don't know how to read your mind to know how they can offend you. In reality, everything happens quite simply: people first take actions, and then see your reaction to it in the form of resentment. People only after committing actions will find out that they are offensive to you. If they had known about it in advance, then perhaps they would not have committed them.
2. Look back at the situation from the future. Imagine that you live in the distant future. You, being in it, remember about today: how offended are you by the current situation, when many years have already passed? Often people forget their grievances over time, although while emotions raged inside, the situations seemed very significant and critical.
3. Explain the situation. If there is something you do not understand about the current situation, then simply explain what the other person had in mind. It may turn out that the partner does not even know that he offended you, and therefore does not ask for forgiveness, which you are waiting for so much.
4. Stop the quarrel. Resentments often arise as an argument develops. The more people say bad things to each other, the more their resentment becomes. But why bring it to this? It is better to stop the quarrel and, perhaps, postpone the discussion of the topic for a while until later.
5. Give yourself a rest. Resentment only drains your strength and nerves. Rest more often, change the environment, encounter other people and events, then emotions will subside faster.
6. Put yourself in the place of the offender. It often seems that people do unthinkable and unforgivable things. But as it turns out, often the offended person behaves the same way as his offenders. What would you do if you were in the place of your offender? If you behaved in the same way as he did, then it is easy for you to understand his motives.
7. Use the services of a psychologist. If you can’t get rid of resentment on your own, then use professional help.
8. Look at the situation with humor or find something good in it. The resentment is stronger than more people thinking about what happened to him. However, situations cannot be unambiguously bad. In each case, you can see something useful in what happened. Any situation can be softened if translated into humor, made ridiculous. It helps a lot in getting rid of resentment.
9. Don't trust rumours. If you didn’t see or hear something, then it might not have happened. Remember that there are people who can use your resentment tendency to their advantage.
10. Develop a wise approach to the situation. Remember, as long as you are offended, nothing in your life changes. There are people who will succumb to your offense and, like puppets, will do whatever you want them to. However, most people will not respond to your offense. They will live for their own pleasure, and you will spoil your mood with your grievances. You need it? Moreover, you don't solve problems while you wait for others to solve them. You need - you decide, instead of being offended.

For some people, resentment is a character trait, not just an emotion. It should be understood that the consequences of resentment are always unpleasant. Therefore, all touchy people are advised to get rid of their trait.

How to stop being offended by your husband?

Quite often, women resort to resentment against their own husbands. She, too, is a means of manipulation to show her husbands her indignation and force them to change their behavior. However, over time, touchy women also become lonely, because men get tired of being constantly guilty, especially if they, by and large, did nothing wrong.

• First, stop blaming your husband. Here you need to adequately perceive the situation and assess it. Many things are done by men because they are inherent in them. Women need to understand better male psychology not to be offended by the fact that a man is a man, and stop blaming him for everything.
• Second - different perception peace. Men and women have different attitudes towards the same things. should respond appropriately to this difference and not force a man to see the world the way you see it.
• The third is not to make an elephant out of a fly. Often men do not do something stupid, and a woman makes a tragedy out of it. The man actually just didn’t do something, and the woman was offended by the fact that she invented it for herself.
• The fourth is to accept the imperfection of the other person. People cannot and should not be perfect, the way you want them to be. If you have chosen an imperfect man, then love him and accept him with all his shortcomings. Otherwise, live by yourself.

The most important problems for many women are two things:

1. Demanding in relation to a man. He should be the way a woman wants to see him.
2. The hope that a man will always do what a woman wants to see from him.

Resentment is the inability to accept the fact that a person lives in accordance with his desires and does not want to adapt to other people's expectations. However, a woman is sharpened on what a man owes her. He must carry her in his arms, love unrequitedly, give flowers, bring money to the house, etc. If a man does not do something from what a woman wants to see from him, then she is offended, and defiantly, so that he feels yourself guilty.

According to the woman, the man owes her. She begins a relationship with him in the expectation that he will do everything the way she wants. However, situations arise more and more often, and a woman notices that a man does not always do what she wants. If she asks him, but he does not, she is offended. If she is silent and waits for him to guess what she wants from him, then she is offended again, because the man thinks differently in the situation.

It turns out that the resentment of a woman is a desire to subordinate the actions, thoughts and decisions of a man to her will. And if a man lives his own life, independently makes decisions that a woman does not like, then she is offended.

How to stop being offended by your parents?

Sincere can be called the resentment of children against their own parents. Resentment can arise in early age, and in more late period. Often adult children are disappointed in their own parents, because they begin to see that they make mistakes, as ordinary people. But at a younger age, a person perceived his parents as omniscient and rightly acting people.

As it turns out, parents also make mistakes, they don’t know something and don’t know how, which disappoints children. Even more frustrating comes when parental misbehavior is directed at children. For example, adults are despots who try to command and command the child. Here you should understand the reasons for their behavior in order to understand that the parents have some psychological problems which is why they behave the way they do.

To stop being offended by your own parents, you need to:

1. Forgive your parents for the good things they didn't do for you.
2. Forgive your parents for what they did to you.

Mom and dad are ordinary people who have problems, complexes, fears, they don’t know and can’t do something, they are imperfect and imperfect. Forgive them for not doing the things that you would like them to do, and for what they did that made you feel bad. They also make mistakes, which they themselves do not know.

How to finally stop being offended?

To get rid of resentment forever, you should understand that using this emotion, you will not make the world change and "dance to your tune." There will be people whom you can manipulate with your grievances. But most healthy and adequate people you will lose because they are not willing to conform to you if you are not willing to accept them for who they are.

Start allowing other people to be and approach as they see fit. Stop expecting and demanding, and start taking action yourself to get what you want. Let your happiness not depend on others, but be only in your hands and depend on your efforts.

It is human nature to be offended by the unfair actions of loved ones and upset because of unjustified expectations. We understand how resentment works and whether it is necessary to deal with it.

What is resentment and what is it based on

Psychometrists (specialists who study the theory and methodology of psychological measurements, including the measurement of knowledge, abilities, attitudes and personality traits) consider resentment to be a personality trait. Proponents of the Gestalt approach think of resentment as a feeling. Psychoanalysts consider resentment as a model of behavior. Theory American psychologist and psychiatrist Eric Burne and his followers will help to better understand how to deal with resentment.

Byrne believed that resentment is a childish model for responding to problems and conflicts. Where an adult gets angry, but tries to find solutions, the child will be offended, decide that they do not like him, and stop communicating with a loved one. And his whole appearance will show that he is dissatisfied.

Gestalt therapists, like Burne, believe that the roots of this behavioral pattern go back to childhood. But in their opinion, resentment is a feeling, it arises in a child when he does not receive something valuable from an important person for himself. That is, not only did he not receive sweets, but his beloved dad did not give them. Then the child experiences a whole range of experiences: self-pity, anger at dad, but at the same time love for him. All these emotions make up resentment and make it one of the most difficult feelings.

According to Burne, only those who have not given up childish behavior are prone to resentment. But such symptoms occur in many, even if a person strives for awareness and tries to honestly express emotions and not slide into childish behavior. Some situation may remind of childhood trauma - an adult will “roll back” and react like a three-year-old child.

How to notice your own resentment

Listen to others.From the side it is clearer whether you are often offended or not. You only need to find out that you and your friend, for example, you call the same phenomenon "resentment". Perhaps the person criticizes your anger, non-constructive criticism or constant sadness.

Watch for emerging emotions.Resentment is a complex feeling, it mixes love, anger, disappointment, guilt. If you notice that you are constantly experiencing one or the other emotion to close person, think about whether he loves you or not - these are signs of possible resentment.

Notice problems with distance.If you are simultaneously angry at another person, but cannot imagine how to isolate him from yourself, this is most likely a resentment. Anger works differently: first you want to get close to a person in order to tell him everything you think, then move away so as not to see. Feeling offended, a person can rush about - "I love it, I hate it."

How to stop being offended

Constant resentment negatively affects a person’s health, his well-being. After all, our health directly depends on the state of the soul. It is necessary not only to get rid of the feeling of resentment, but also to stop being offended again.

Of course, sometimes it is difficult not to be offended by a person who has done something “bad” towards us. But in any case, taking offense at a person, we are wrong. I'll explain why. Resentment arises when a person did not do what we expected from him, or did not do what we expected. Have you noticed that in both cases we expect something from him? But here's what the main idea, which must be learned in order to stop being offended by people - no one owes us anything, this person is not obliged to do as we want, he has his own thoughts and motives for action, and they must be respected. You must respect the other person's right to make decisions, you must respect his right to his opinion about you, and you should not be angry and offended by him if his opinion does not coincide with your expectations. Example: a wife is offended by her husband because he gave her not what she wanted for her birthday. But he doesn't have to give her exactly what she wants. We must be grateful for any gift, and not be offended.

Are you often offended? Look for the reason within yourself

Maybe you noticed something in yourself that when you are unhappy, you Bad mood, then everyone treats you badly - the seller in the store was rude, they stepped on their feet on the bus, the authorities scolded you at work, and you are offended by them because they do this to you, it would seem unfair, because you don’t do anything bad specifically to them done. But in fact, the people around you just like mirrors reflect your attitude towards yourself, it is you who scold yourself, and on a mental, intuitive level, those around you also scold you, are also dissatisfied with you.

For example, if a girl considers herself ugly, then those around her will intuitively feel, and express their thoughts to her about her appearance, hint to her that she needs to change her wardrobe, hair color, go to a beautician.

If we love and accept ourselves as we are, do not scold ourselves for mistakes, for weaknesses, then the people around us will treat us friendly, because we will radiate joy, and people subconsciously feel it.

So, if someone did something bad to you, offended you with something, then you don’t need to be offended, we ourselves provoked such a person’s behavior with our negative thoughts, because thoughts always materialize, sometimes through other people. We need to understand how we provoked his behavior towards us, change the root cause in ourselves, forgive the “offender” and thank him for the valuable life lesson. And your resentment will immediately be replaced by positive emotions.

How to let go of old grudges

To get rid of old grudges, we must forgive the person. To do this, you can mentally imagine as if this person appeared before you, tell him sincerely, “I forgive and bless you. Be happy. I release you, go in peace.” You can come up with your own words of forgiveness that are closer to you, but you need to forgive and let go of the person. Then your heart will be cleansed of resentment and anger.

How did you provoke a person to offend you?

When you forgive all your offenders, your heart will become much easier. And now, when someone treats you badly, when you again want to be offended by a person, think about how you created such a situation? Maybe you thought badly about someone or about yourself, you are dissatisfied with something in yourself, and correct this discontent in yourself - accept and love yourself along with all the features of your body and character that seem to you to be shortcomings.

Such an example, one man was constantly underestimated at work, paid a salary less than other colleagues, although he sometimes performed duties even more than others, and was no worse. But the authorities did not seem to appreciate him, and all his colleagues considered themselves smarter than him. And the problem was that this man himself doubted his professionalism, underestimated himself, considered himself worse than others, although in fact he was better in many ways. So his attitude towards himself was reflected in the people around him, they also treated him the same way as he considered himself. But, as soon as he changed his mind, began to value himself and his time more, those around him began to treat him differently, began to consult in important issues, take into account his opinion, his salary was raised. He began to respect himself more, began to dress "from the needle", presentably, and his business immediately went uphill. Everything changed in his life the moment he changed his attitude towards himself.

Resentment is the cause of many diseases, including cancer

Resentment “devours” us from the inside, it takes away all our strength, kills our health. I think it's no longer a secret to anyone that from our psychological state our health directly depends. As soon as some kind of negative emotions, it immediately affects your health. And the more serious and prolonged this negative, the bigger problems with health.

And if you are offended by someone, then it is only worse for you. The person you are offended by may not care about your offense, and he may not even feel guilty. It is especially dangerous to bear a grudge in yourself for years, this can lead to serious diseases, such as cancer. After all, what is cancer - cancer is when the body itself, as it were, eats itself from the inside - constant depression, constant resentment towards oneself and others. Indeed, in essence, resentment is bitterness directed inward, it harms only the one who carries it in himself.

Therefore, you must definitely get rid of resentment, you must forgive people, no matter what they do to you.

There are times when someone specifically tries to piss us off, offend us. In this case best technique- ignorance and laughter, positive attitude. A person thus tries to control your emotions, your mood. The Indian sage Osho put it very well on this topic - so, someone pressed the button, we pouted with pride, pressed another - we were blown away and upset. Is it nice to be in control? Sometimes only this fact can excite and cause firm conviction– “I myself want to be the master of my fate and my emotions and I am not going to succumb to provocations from outside.”

Resentment against oneself

Sometimes people feel resentment towards themselves. For example, they are offended for not being able to say in time the right words someone who made a mistake, that they were afraid, and many more reasons. In this case, you need to realize that this is already in the past, being offended by yourself you will not fix anything, it has already passed. You need to live for today, try to change and not make such mistakes in the future, try to fix it if it is still possible, and most importantly - you need to stop blaming yourself for everything, even with your shortcomings, you need to love yourself as if these are not shortcomings, but your virtues, features, zest. After all, there are no people without flaws. Only by loving yourself completely, only by accepting yourself as you are, can you become a happy person!

To be offended or not to be offended - we always have such a seemingly simple choice. Unfortunately, we are often not the best option.

Resentment is a negatively colored emotion, which, if abused, makes our life hell. We begin to scroll in memory the situation or the words that caused the offense received. This feeling comes to us because of quarrels and indifference, jealousy and envy. Grievances make us feel pain, anger, anger, sadness, hatred, bitterness, disappointment, desire for revenge, grief. One... But!

Friends, I repeat - this is only our choice! Offended - we get a nasty mood, we deprive ourselves of health and attract negative events to ourselves. The more we do this, the stronger devastating consequences from this feeling. We chose not to be offended - we make our lives happier and more harmonious. How to stop being offended and learn not to be offended at all, getting rid of this negative one, will be discussed in this article.

Think about it: is it nice to know that we are not the creators of our happiness, but only play the role of dogs on a leash, and the people around us pull these leashes at will? Do we like to realize that our mood depends on someone else, but certainly not on us? Unlikely. In fact, this is a real addiction. And our choice is freedom! After all, it is easy to get rid of the leash (the habit of being offended), which society has hung on us. All you need is a desire and a little awareness.

In this article, we will find out how to stop being offended by getting rid of this bad habit forever. And at the same time we will be freed from old grievances. In the meantime, dear readers of SILS, with your permission, I will continue to exaggerate and describe the destruction that brings us resentment, especially heightened.

So, what does it mean to be offended? It means giving in to your base feelings, including your habitual response to bad behavior other people. Even the simplest unicellular organisms have a similar reaction, which always react in the same way to a stimulus. But after all, we are people, which means we have much more room for maneuver in our behavior. Understand, friends, to be offended is not something that is not impossible, no. Simply, this is not a logical action - after all, being offended, we thereby harm ourselves, burning our soul and health, and also attracting negativity into our lives.

But with perseverance worthy of admiration, we continue to habitually take offense at our loved ones and ordinary acquaintances, relatives and friends, our fate and the whole world. We diligently cultivate our resentment, cherish it and cherish it. Completely forgetting that...

… resentment - it is solely our own choice . Although, unfortunately, most often unconscious. This is a harmful stereotype that seems to have grown into most of us. We are offended - we are offended, we are offended - we are offended. And everything is repeated in a circle throughout our lives. But this is wrong! Therefore, this article appeared, from which we will learn how to stop being offended. Useful practical advice are written just below, but for now, please, show a little patience, friends. After all, we need to clearly identify the enemy with whom we will fight and will definitely win. First you need to carefully study his habits, then to strike a decisive blow. fatality! (c) Mortal Kombat. So let's continue our study of insidious resentment. After all, our goal is to dance on her grave, and we are slowly but invincibly approaching the achievement of this good goal.

Resentment in the soul and heart

The experience of resentment greatly depresses us. Worst of all, a person can carry a grudge through his whole life. Old and deep grievances that we cannot forget in any way do not allow us to live peacefully and happily. After all, instead of enjoying every moment of this delightful life, we begin to scroll past events in our heads, we diligently restore and construct dialogues with our offender. Our body again and again returns to that state when we are almost shaking, although outwardly this may not manifest itself in any way. Why make fun of yourself like that? All this is only due to the fact that we cannot get rid of the resentment in our soul, from the resentment in our heart. We can't let go, we can't forgive, we can't forget. So this nasty feeling of resentment undermines us, imperceptibly destroying our lives.

By the way, it should be noted that chronic, total resentment for the whole world and the people around them individually is the first sign that something has not worked out in our life. For example, we chose the wrong profession: we dreamed of creativity, but we work as a manager in an office. Or else we failed to build happy family relationships: once we made a mistake with the choice and now we can only feel sorry for ourselves, such (th) offended (th) and offended (th). As a result, we live in the past and do not let the present into us, which, perhaps, is very kind and positive.

The worst thing here is that constantly being offended, receiving new grievances and remembering old ones, we turn into collectors. Collectors of grievances. Grievances can be collected for a lifetime, and as true collectors, we never want to part with a single copy. Grievances accumulate, and we savor each of them with “pleasure”. We do not let them go into oblivion, because resentment has long become part of us. And that is why it is so difficult to admit to ourselves that after too much time we have spent on our touchiness. It is much easier to continue to live the illusion of being right and the injustice of this world.

Old grievances are like unhealed wounds that we comb ourselves and make them bleed. Instead of forgiving the offense or even completely getting rid of the habit of being offended, we stubbornly torment ourselves, causing pain and suffering. What the hell is masochism?

“But the truth is behind us!” - we say to ourselves, that is why we feel offended and offended. This is how we justify ourselves. We feel almost universal injustice. How dare they do this to us?! Alas, even if we were really treated badly, we only finish ourselves off with our resentment. To be offended means to revel in pity for oneself, unjustly offended.

There are always plenty of reasons for resentment. We are able to choose what to pay attention to in this life. With our thoughts and our choices, we attract to ourselves what we receive. If a person shows increased touchiness, then be sure that there will definitely be reasons to be offended. And the worst thing that can happen is that resentment can become a part of this person forever.

Yes, they say that time heals grudges. Most often this is true, but there is one thing. Resentment, which is regularly fed, can forever remain in the heart and soul, poisoning our lives. Hidden resentment it just eats us from the inside, because of which the colors of life fade, and there are more and more reasons to be offended again and again. But life is not given to us for this at all! And, to be honest with ourselves, we would never wish ourselves such a fate. Friends, it's not too late to change everything. There is an exit!

How to stop being offended?

Friends, read below 8 reasons why you should not be offended . Please try to understand and feel each point separately. We need to remember this and put it into practice every time resentment begins to boil in us. In no case do not scold yourself if you again fall into the hook of resentment. Everything will happen gradually, everything has its time. But be sure to praise yourself when there are successes. It's so nice to see that our actions and mood gain independence. It's nice to know that you and only you are the captain of your ship. So, over time, the bad habit of being offended will disappear by itself. As they say, “a holy place is never empty”, which means that in our life there will be much more miracles and joys that will come instead of useless resentment. And that's great! Ready?

1) Nobody owes us anything. You just need to understand and accept one simple thing- no one in this world is obliged to conform to our ideas. No one is obligated towards us to do what we think is right. Just think about it: do we all, without exception, fulfill the expectations of others? Most likely, this does not always happen or does not happen at all, and this is completely natural. Our life is our life. First of all, we are interested in solving our problems, and only after that - in helping other people. Therefore, you should not be offended by other people, because they also do not owe us anything.

2) Remember and appreciate only the good. To stop being offended, you should always remember positive traits character of our offender. After all, there is something beautiful in every person. Often we focus on one unfortunate misdeed of this person, but we do not take into account all the good that he did for us earlier. That is, we take goodness for granted, but when we are offended, we often inflate an elephant out of a fly, forgetting about everything else (good). Basically, it's natural: human body so arranged that negative emotions hurt us more than the positive ones. Maybe it has something to do with survival. primitive times when fear and anger spurred ancient people to survive. But that time has long passed. Therefore, friends, stop being offended, because resentment destroys us and, moreover, it is completely meaningless.

And also, please, never forget that you quickly get used to the good. If a person treats us well, this does not mean that it will always be so. And that doesn't mean other people have to show the same good relationship to us. It is optimal to take everything good not for granted, but as a gift. And rejoice in such gifts with all my heart.

“Forget hurt, but never forget kindness” © Confucius

3) Nobody is eternal. The person we are offended with today may not be tomorrow. As a rule, only in such sad situations do we finally realize how petty and absurd our grievances were. For example, in no case should you be offended by fathers and mothers, grandparents. For then it will be very difficult for us to forgive ourselves when these loved ones are suddenly gone. Only then do we suddenly clearly realize how boundless and crystal clear care came from them. Even if they sometimes went too far, even if they did a lot of things wrong, but all this is from Great love to us. Please, friends, do not let this happen. Live here and now, appreciate this moment- then there is no time for resentment!

4) Take responsibility for everything that happens to us. For everything that happens in our life is the result of our own choice. Nothing is in vain! For example, a person who tries to offend us may be sent to us so that we can learn something. And our other potential offender can reveal his true appearance, for which we should also be grateful.

By the way, it is useful to follow the simple motto of smart people: “ Smart people do not take offense, but draw conclusions. For example, your friend who missed a meeting and didn't even call back could do so for several reasons. First, something might have happened to her. Secondly, the circumstances could be such that she did not have the opportunity to warn you. Thirdly, maybe you are simply indifferent to her. In none of these three cases does it make sense to be offended. And in the latter it is worth drawing a conclusion and rid yourself of such relationships.

8) Resentment attracts negative events into our lives. Friends, do you know about, which says that like attracts like? By dwelling on our grievances, we let negativity into our lives. Events happen to us that provoke us to continue to experience negative feelings and emotions. And if we give in, we will sink even deeper into this swamp. The experienced feeling of resentment serves as a kind of target for all sorts of misfortunes and misfortunes. The more resentment in the soul, the more likely it is that our life will be painted in black tones. Conversely, the more positive our inner world, the more happiness we meet in the external. Stop being offended, friends. It is time to go to your goal, to your dream, to your happiness, and resentment, you know, is not our helper here.

How to forgive an offense?

The main thing in the technique of forgiveness proposed below is a sincere desire to get rid of resentment, to forgive and be free. Not just mechanically perform the exercise, but do it consciously, so that in the end it becomes easy and joyful in the soul. So that a heavy burden falls from our shoulders, and we can breathe deeply without any worries and regrets. Let's get started! Here is the setting for our subconscious:

I forgive you (substitute the name of the person we are offended by) because you ...

I forgive myself for what I...

Forgive me (substitute the name of the person we are offended by) for the fact that ...

The meaning of this technique of forgiveness of offenses is as follows. Why forgive the offender, it is understandable and without explanation. Forgiving ourselves and asking for forgiveness from our offender (mentally) is necessary because the world is an mirror image our inner. It is necessary to realize that we ourselves have attracted bad situation into his life, and the offender only reacted to our thoughts, condition, fears. When we take responsibility for everything that happens to us, then we simply don’t want to be offended by someone. The more clearly we begin to understand how and why we have attracted grievances, the easier it becomes for us to forgive the offender. By the way, you need to forgive yourself for the simple reason that, being offended by ourselves, we feel guilty, which means we attract punishment into our lives. What leads to repetition negative situations when we are deliberately or accidentally offended.

It is optimal to perform forgiveness of insults before going to bed, during the night our subconscious mind will do all the work, and we will not even notice it. We will not notice the work, but we will notice the result. Resentment will become much weaker or go away altogether. If resentment remains, then it should be repeated. You can also perform the proposed technique during the day, the main thing is not to get hung up on it, but to understand that everything will be easy and simple. We only need to give the installation to our subconscious, everything else is not our concern.

Friends, after one or several applications of this simple technique, you yourself will notice that the offense is forgiven and we become more peaceful in our lives. You will stop thinking about it quite naturally and without any violence against yourself: the insult that previously seemed so important will no longer evoke any response. Thus, the question “how to forgive an offense?” henceforth no henceforth will not stand before you. And from this it is so good and calm!

Of course, this technique is not for everyone. After all, we need to have the strength to recognize that everything we receive, including resentment, is our choice. We ourselves are responsible for this, directly or indirectly. If we find the strength in ourselves to subdue our pride and feeling own importance, then it's a matter of technique.

CONCLUSION

“They carry water on the offended” (c) Russian people

Dear readers of the Healthy Lifestyle, in this article I set myself the task of showing you the whole pointlessness of resentment and resentment. Resentment not only does not solve the problem, but is also harmful for many reasons, which we have analyzed in detail today.

I hope guys that if you ever decide to be offended, then be sure to remember our advice. And you will right choice! And we will be incredibly happy if the moment comes when you, without prevaricating your soul, will be able to full confidence say: “I never get offended!” And even if you are offended (after all, none of us is perfect), then easily forgive the offense thanks to the technique of forgiveness and you will live happily and without any sadness. After all, learning not to be offended is a very useful skill that significantly improves the quality of our lives.

I would like to complete the article about resentment and methods of dealing with it with the words of Bhagwan Shri Rajneesh, better known as Osho. Offended? Then print this text, go to the mirror and read loudly, with an expression and a serious look:

“I am such an important turkey that I cannot allow anyone to act according to my nature if I do not like it. I am such an important turkey that if someone said or acted differently than I expected, I will punish him with my resentment. Oh, let him see how important it is - my offense, let him receive it as a punishment for his "misconduct". After all, I am a very, very important turkey! I don't value my life. I don’t value my life so much that I don’t feel sorry for wasting its priceless time on resentment. I will give up a moment of joy, a moment of happiness, a moment of playfulness, I would rather give this minute to my resentment. And I don't care that these frequent minutes turn into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. I do not feel sorry for spending years of my life in resentment - because I do not value my life. I can't look at myself from the outside. I am very vulnerable. I am so vulnerable that I am forced to protect my territory and respond with resentment to everyone who touched it. I'm going to hang a sign on my forehead, "Watch out, angry dog," and just let someone try not to notice! I am so poor that I cannot find in myself a drop of generosity to forgive, a drop of self-irony - to laugh, a drop of generosity - not to notice, a drop of wisdom - not to be caught, a drop of love - to accept. I am a very, very important turkey!" © Osho

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Every person from early childhood, faced with a sense of resentment. For some people, resentment passes quickly, while others hold a grudge against their offender all their lives. Someone can easily cope with any life situations and does not even show that he has experienced a feeling of resentment, and someone pouts at everyone, limits communication with people who have offended, is angry with himself, with his life, with the whole world around him.

What is resentment?

Resentment is a bitter feeling that destroys, excites the soul, does not allow you to calm down, makes you constantly scroll through the mind of the situation that led to resentment, and offensive words sound in us and destroy life. Bitterness from resentment gnaws from the inside and does not allow to be freed from suffering.
Resentment causes irritation, anger, aggression, hostility and even hatred towards the person who insulted, humiliated, offended you. There is a desire to avenge the offense. And even when you feel that the offender is right, you still stubbornly continue to insist that you are right, trying to deceive everyone and even yourself.

Resentment arises when a person himself believes that he was treated incorrectly, unfairly, caused him physical or heartache, grieved him, insulted him, laughed at him, denied him any request.

And stronger feeling he will experience resentment from those people who are dear to him, close, than from random passers-by. After all, if a random passer-by called you, you will be indignant, but you will soon forget about this incident. And if this word flew out of the mouth of your friend or husband, then you will pout your lips for a long time, you will throw angry, annihilating glances at him, and you will not want to talk to him, punishing him for the offense, making him feel guilty, demanding apology and repentance from him .

But in fact, you are punishing yourself, because your mood has deteriorated from resentment, and digesting this situation again and again, your soul is in pain, you deny yourself communication with your loved one, you waste your energy on resentment, get irritated and nervous, worsening your health.

If you are constantly offended, for every reason, then resentment accumulates, there is a desire to take revenge on the offender, push him away from you, not see him or hear him. And even if your offender repents, asks you for forgiveness, and you continue to pretend to be a victim, stubbornly not wanting to talk or making scandals, then sooner or later you yourself will destroy your relationship with your grievances.

And if you understand that only you yourself are the author of the offense, that you yourself were offended, and the person you were offended by is not to blame, then it will be much easier for you to cope with the pain.

Why is resentment dangerous?

Let's draw conclusions, why is resentment dangerous? Firstly, it causes negative emotions and quarrels, leads to a break in relationships, to loneliness. After all, being offended, you push the offender away from you, not wanting to talk to him, and in response he will also hold a grudge against you.

Secondly, resentment worsens your mood, you are depressed, despondent, which in turn can lead to insomnia, depression and other serious diseases.

Why do people get offended

“After all, it’s very nice to be offended sometimes, isn’t it? And after all, a person knows that no one offended him, but that he himself invented an offense and lied for beauty, exaggerated himself in order to create a picture, attached himself to the word and made a mountain out of a pea - he himself knows this, but still the very first offended, offended to the point of pleasantness, to a feeling of greater pleasure, and thereby comes to true enmity ... " Dostoevsky F.M. The Brothers Karamazov.

Often a person is offended in order to change his attitude towards himself, so that his relatives, friends, parents around him will take pity, caress, treat him with love and tenderness.

The same offense appears in people when their expectations, hopes are not justified, the life that they created in their dreams does not coincide with reality. And close people do not do the things that are expected of them. And then a person is offended by everyone and the whole unjust world.

When people believe that they deserve more and that someone should give them more, there is a feeling of resentment against their parents, husband, wife, children, boss, government.

But every person is the master of his life, and he himself is responsible for the events that occur in his life, as well as for the insults that he created for himself, invented.

How to stop being offended

“Just as warm clothing protects against cold, so exposure protects against resentment. Multiply patience and peace of mind, and resentment, no matter how bitter, will not touch you.. Leonardo da Vinci

Resentment corrodes us from the inside, exhausts, depresses, and this harmful feeling must be got rid of. If you have a desire to get rid of resentment forever, you must learn one of the rules - Nobody in this world owes you anything.

You were waiting for your loved one to come to you with a large bouquet of roses, and instead of roses, he brought a large box of chocolates. Your expectations were not met, and you were offended, your mood deteriorated, you do not want to talk to him. But if you understand and remember that no one owes you anything, then it will be much easier for you to accept such a situation, and over time you will learn not to be offended over trifles. After all, you could tell your friend in advance that you want him to give you roses, and then your expectations would be fully justified, and there would be no reason for resentment.

Rule two - Everyone has their own opinion, which may differ from yours.

You thought that of the entire department you were the most advanced in your work, you grasped everything on the fly, and only you should be appointed the head of the department, because you work the longest and are competent in all matters. But the post of the head of the department went to your friend, who, in your opinion, neither knows how to lead, but also how to talk plainly. And you harbored a grudge against all your colleagues, the director, your friend.

You think he took your place, betrayed you. And resentment has overwhelmed you and does not give you rest, and thoughts of revenge are swarming in your head. In your opinion, your friend is not worthy of this post, and, according to the director, it is your friend who is able to lead the department. This is another of the rules that you need to learn and understand that you should not be offended if your opinion does not coincide with the opinion of the people around you.

It is also necessary to understand and assimilate that each person decides with whom and where to spend his free time.

Your best friend that you were with - do not spill water with kindergarten, went out of town for the weekend with her classmates. You just seethe with indignation: “How could she betray our friendship? She offended me, I will never forgive her."

But your girlfriend is not your property, and she has every right to decide with whom she is friends and with whom to spend her time, so it is pointless to be offended in such situations.

How to stop being offended when you are deliberately humiliated, called names hurtful words, tease, laugh at you. If you react violently to these attacks, then they will systematically mock you in order to bring you to tears, to prove to everyone that you weak person. How to deal with resentment in such a situation?

Remember - normal person never tease or humiliate other people. So you have a sick person in front of you, with bad temper, but simply - psycho. And, as everyone knows, there is such a rule - don't be offended by a fool . Learn to ignore bad words released to your address, let them pass by your ears.

Is it worth it to be offended by criticism addressed to the truth that people say about you? After parent meeting mom scolded you bad marks, she complained to you that you absolutely do not help around the house, that in your room, like in a pigsty, that you can only stupidly sit and play at the computer. You were very offended, angry with your mother and ran away from home. If such situations arise in your life, consider whether the criticism against you is true or far-fetched by your offender, and whether it is worth responding to it with resentment. If you really got lazy, dropped out of school, and were scolded for bad behavior, then there is no point in being offended by the truth because it's all your own fault.

Try to understand yourself why it is so easy to offend you, maybe the habit of being offended comes from childhood, and then it's time to grow up, or maybe resentment is one of your bad habits, from which you urgently need to get rid of, so as not to poison the life of yourself and the people around you. After all, resentment leads to misunderstanding, discord, to loneliness. Understand that being offended and carrying the pain of resentment in yourself, you, first of all, harm yourself, your health.

Why you need to forgive

“People of petty minds are sensitive to petty offenses; people of great intelligence notice everything and are not offended by anything. François de La Rochefoucauld

If the bitterness of resentment corrodes your soul, reeks of pain in your heart and all thoughts are fixated on resentment, then it's time to get rid of this resentment. The best remedy pain is forgiveness.

Having forgiven the offense, it becomes easy on the soul, and you are freed from the severity of the experiences that you carried in yourself. Having forgiven your offender, you again renew your relationship with the person you were sulky at, and without whom you felt bad.

Of course, there are situations when the offense hurt you very much, when it ruined your life, you lost something significant and you never want to see the offender, but you still need to forgive. Forgive him mentally in your soul, and you will find peace. Understand that there is nothing to return back, and it is pointless to continue to suffer and regret the past. You have to live in the present. To forget the insult, you need to forbid yourself to remember it, and throw it out of your head once and for all. This is a bad past, and everything bad needs to be disposed of. And if you yourself often offend people, and then suffer from feelings of guilt - just ask for forgiveness, even if you consider yourself right. Just need to say two simple words- "forgive me", and there will be peace and tranquility in your heart.

Love yourself and the people around you, do not offend anyone and do not be offended yourself. Work on yourself, learn to understand yourself, in situations that led to a feeling of resentment. Try to find the reason and realize the futility of resentment. Forgive your offender and ask him for forgiveness, because he, too, may think that you offended him, wish him health, happiness and love. And the world around you will become kinder and brighter.