A question from a reader: “How can you be able to love yourself with a really unbeatable appearance?”, But the topic will go even further - what to do when your inner does not match the outer? Reply in permanent section

Alina, Moscow, 28 years old

Hello Olesya! I read the articles “How to love yourself”, “How to be beautiful” - and I had a question. With tone and self-care, everything is clear, but how to be able to love yourself with a really unbeatable appearance? It is one thing if the skin of the face is not very good, and another thing is if by nature you have small eyes and a half-face nose, and not only according to your self-critical observations. It is clear that this is not a disability, not a terrible disease, but for everyone his problem is “closer to the body”. Makeup? Yes, the situation improves somewhat if the makeup is specific, “combat”. But after all, in the pool, at home, in bed, in the end, you won’t always go plastered. No, I'm not trying to make something out of it. great tragedy, I just want to understand - what should I do in such a situation? What attitude, what principles? Just put up with the fact that you are not beautiful and charm with intelligence and kindness? As a woman, this seems like a pathetic compromise to me.
Saving up for plastic? And then sometimes, when I try to somehow dress more beautifully, it seems to me that I am like a monkey in a ball gown - an elegant candy wrapper, but it’s useless. Sometimes I think - well, since I was born with such an appearance, then for some reason I chose it for myself in this life. But I really want to feel beautiful, charming ... I would really like to hear your opinion on this issue, perhaps you have already been contacted with similar problems.

Alina, hello! Even in the middle of your letter, the thought flashed through my mind: “I wonder if this girl is ready for the fact that her appearance is to some extent her own choice”?

The fact is that in my answers I try to dive exactly to the degree of readiness of a person to hear this or that information, but not deeper. If the internal capacity is less than external knowledge, the answer will still not be perceived. But you beat me to it with this:

Sometimes I think - well, since I was born with such an appearance, then for some reason I chose it for myself in this life.

So we can talk without cuts.

To begin with, I understand what you mean, and really appreciate the fact that there are no veiled requests to pity you. Also, I'm not going to smear snot here on the topic " not beautiful women does not happen” and “love yourself for who you are”. I don’t need to use cheap aspirin and keep the audience on an endless hook, relieving pain attacks from time to time with another pill. I am in favor of the unpopular method of complete self-healing, which often takes years, even if it is necessary to endure unpleasant sensations.

So let's go to the point. *The faint of heart do not read further.

No, I'm not trying to make some great tragedy out of this, I just want to understand - what should be done in such a situation? What attitude, what principles? Just put up with the fact that you are not beautiful, and charm with intelligence and kindness?

The basis of the problem, as well as its solution, is always in the very depths, that is, this part of the answer will apply to any situations where the internal self-identification of a person does not correspond to the external manifestation. In your case, it is the desire to be beautiful and not to compromise, which clashes with the reflection in the mirror.

How to end the internal battle?

In such matters, there two principal ways, both of which will be effective with full dedication to the chosen direction.

1. Resign or, as some mystics call it, "surrender";

2. Bring the external to the level of the internal, thereby equalizing them and getting rid of the contradiction.

Simply put: surrender or win.

On the first point, I can only talk superficially, the fact is that I also tried to “surrender” at one time, but nothing good came of it. This means your complete acceptance of the situation - a complete and unconditional refusal to fight in this direction. This humility is not on a philistine level, but rather on a religious one.

In my case, the discrepancy between the external and internal was expressed in in large numbers ambitions and desires that were not reflected in any way in the external manifestation objective reality. That is, I knew that I want more and what I can more, but years passed, and there was practically no progress. It made me rush around the world, try different types activities, search-search-search. In fact, I continued poking around in the sandbox, managing to dream of “taking over the world with the subsequent establishment of world domination”, or, at least, about my favorite business, family, money, the ability to move around the world without limits and external beauty, by the way, too.

I didn't succeed. Despite all the moves and turns, the situation did not change at all (in a global sense), and one day I decided to give up:

"Enough searching. Enough dreaming. Enough empty ambition. All I want is a quiet life with the one I love. What could be better?

I sincerely decided to cleanse myself of endless claims for more and settle down in beautiful scenery and love. The plan was this - I find a nice, dust-free job where my main duty is to be beautiful and smile. I calm down. I find a beloved man, give birth to children and live happily. Happy end!

The process began to spin - visualizations, affirmations, everything. A week later (literally) I was interviewed in a five-star hotel for the position of a Russian representative. My annual saga began with work in a hotel.

I got everything I asked for, and even more, to be honest. But I was so acutely unhappy as never in my life. I was twisted by the need to go to this job, and I could not even fully answer myself the question: “Why?”, I cried in the shower in the morning, I cried in the shower in the evenings. I have never known such pain before.

It became easier for me when I met the very man who, according to the plan, was supposed to provide a happy end, but the relief did not last long, as the work continued to turn me inside out, and the “save me from myself” relationship - never anyone anywhere else did not bring.

One day I saw a sticker stuck on my colleague's monitor:

Unrealized potential hurts

Bring the outside to the level of the inside.

I had to take off my crown and admit that what I see around me (including in the mirror) does not correspond in any way to what I think of myself. Only then I was able to discern the abyss between my powerful internal and mediocre external, and on all issues from the list: soul, business, body, relationships. I forced myself to see the fact that I can’t imagine anything yet, despite my “rich inner world”. And suddenly it became easy for me. It is also very clear what to do next.

The external does not appear by itself, it grows due to the application of your forces. And I set out to create the external (in all areas) that I want to see, even taking into account that I will have to work from scratch and obviously not for one year. A rich inner world to help me ...

hold out external manifestations your world to inner aspirations through active actions, regularity and the ability to continue what you started - this is a process where there is no place for laziness, fears, doubts and excuses. Connecting the two components of my life and finding that very harmony through the maximum realization of my potential is my only choice since then, and I am very grateful to him.

Alina, there is no single right way. You can take it easy. Deeply, sincerely, with love for everything that exists and for yourself, as a grain of the divine plan. And find liberation in it. But there is another option - to look the problem in the eye and solve it.

In relation to your message:

Just put up with the fact that you are not beautiful and charm with intelligence and kindness? As a woman, this seems like a pathetic compromise to me.

I'll talk about option number two in your case.

First things first, shake hands with yourself and make friends with your situation. Accept your current appearance. Accept, but do not reconcile. Consider this the conditions of the game, invented by you (in the universal sense).

This means to stop being afraid of yourself in the mirror, calling you a candy wrapper, a monkey, and how you still talk to yourself, even stop super-strongly “plastering” according to the principle “now I will paint over my ugliness”. Do makeup with the intent to emphasize dignity, and not hide behind paint.

I'm not saying that you need to change the type of makeup - no. Changing your approach is what matters.

Your homework in this question will be a list of 20 strengths of your appearance. In writing. Search wherever you want. Less than 20 is not allowed. You can't lie to yourself. 20 strengths of your appearance. At least describe the beauty of your little fingers. We all already understood about the shortcomings, now let's take the advantages. Define at least for yourself.

Why exactly 20 pieces? I'm still kind) So don't complain, even out of the corner of your mind. It is necessary that you are tired, despaired, disappointed, but still do not stop and plunge into yourself. a little deeper, than usual. And emerged from the 50th strengths his appearance. OK OK. From the 20th to start.

This is the base on which the second approach is based.

You can change realityonly from a state of acceptance.

From a state of denial and dislike - changes do not happen. But when you shake hands with your current moment, whatever it is, you can work wonders. Including - to create yourself anew in appearance.

So what do we have?

"Really unbeatable appearance" - in your words.

Look, if you have a desire to fix something in this life, never operate with abstract concepts. Never. The subconscious does not understand this, but it is it that runs everything. In particular, the word "appearance" is about nothing. The plan is always the same: break the abstraction into concrete components and work with them separately. And start from the smallest to the largest: from what you can objectively work out here and now on your own, gradually moving towards more and more “complex levels”.

Example. From abstraction to concreteness.

Appearance is the face, body, hair, etc.

The face is skin, eyes, ears, nose, lips, etc.

The body is arms, legs, belly, head, etc.

Moreover, each of the points can be further divided. Hands, for example, are fingers, nails, and so on.

As I understood from the description, your tasks come down to the face, but what about the body? Beauty is not only a face, it is also a beautiful body, which (attention! good news) you can create yourself.

Do you want to be beautiful? Start with the body. Let it be not just a “body in good shape”, let it be a beautiful body. Perfect body. Official body. Listen, the body is not the nose, here everything can be brought to mind with your (!) actions (!). The instruments are all described - forward and with the song. If you are already doing fitness, stop for a minute, take your body apart and think about how to adjust the route not just to “normal form”, but to the result you want. A beautiful body is always sexy.

(Pay attention, I give this example not as a sign of worship of the banal public stereotypes, but solely in response to your request about beauty.)

Skin, hair, nails, teeth.

This is the basis that, on a subconscious level, signals whether this person is healthy or not, whether it is possible to have offspring from him or better not. It works at the level of our instincts.

Note that each of these points can be worked independently and brought to a beautiful state. Yes, this is not a fast track, like any route of conscious change.

If the facial features are wrong - no short haircuts. Just advice. Haircuts emphasize flaws. They go only to girls with a narrow face and regular features. Hair, at least to the shoulders, will balance the image. If you need to grow it is again a few years of patience.

For the first stage, there is enough work: body, skin, hair, teeth, nails to start the process of conscious change and illustrate to the world that your inner “so want to feel beautiful, charming ...” has points of contact with external actions.

If at stage number two, when you accepted yourself and your world, and also began to actively work in those areas where you can invest with the energy of your work, you will have a desire to do plastic surgery - why not?

I do not support (but also do not condemn) plastic surgery “because of love for the art of the body”, but when it comes to the flaws that prevent people from living (especially when these people are girls): protruding ears, a frankly ugly nose, hernia under eyes, etc. All of this can be removed and corrected.

You see, if you just rush to the surgeon, then from this whole story you can not be cured to the depths. You'll fix your nose, but nothing more. But if you move from within, sincerely working on yourself, investing all your strength, because I don’t want to make “miserable compromises,” then the effect will be different. In general, when you pass stage number one, honestly and with full dedication, perhaps the desire to go to the surgeon will pass, but if it remains, it will already be different - like you yourself.

A small correction in the words.

I understand your desire to be beautiful, but still, “being charming” is not a story about appearance. There are hundreds of beautiful, unglamorous women. This is about the same world with yourself. You ask, "how to love yourself?" I will say: do not love, first make friends. And respect. Never let yourself talk about yourself bad, the way you won't let about your beloved friend.

Self-love is just a consequence that comes during your sincere movement towards yourself.

And finally.

I would really like to hear your opinion on this issue, perhaps you have already been contacted with similar problems.

No, Alina, you are the first with such a question, who voiced the task directly and without embellishment. But they were and are still dealing with other problems. Many truly beautiful women, to whom everything is given by nature, are unhappy. They cannot arrange their personal lives, establish relationships with work, realize themselves, they are afraid to be alone, never having given birth ...

Appearance does not solve key life questions is always a story about the correspondence of your inner world and external wealth, about the very harmony that comes from within. Or doesn't go.

Another question is that, having gone through the path of reshaping your weak side into strength, you will gain something more than just appearance - integrity. And the beauty of the spirit… In this approach, the need to fight disappears, not because you “surrendered”, but because there are no more reasons to fight.

Only the one who conquered himself wins in this life. Who conquered their fear, their laziness and their insecurities

Beauty of the spirit and cessation internal struggle to be!

If you look through the groups by image and style, then the main one revolves only around a narrow circle of topics: color combinations, fashion novelties, matching things to each other. However, topic matching inner image and external is often not disclosed.

For example, if a person feels insecure, is under stress, or just wants privacy and peace, then he should hardly wear bright colors, flashy tones and things that attract attention. It would seem that this is natural and seems logical. It's simple. But in situations that are not so unambiguous, the obviousness of this issue is lost.

After all, what do we think when we choose clothes for a particular occasion? What thoughts are we guided? it's simple: What do we want to show? What image do we want to show? However, such a formulation of the question can lead to errors.

This formulation of the question does not take into account our current mood. After all, if our mood does not match image that we have chosen for ourselves, then this discrepancy will be evident to people. Let's say I want to look spectacular, but inside I'm not sure of myself. What impression will I create? The first thought will be: something is not right here. If I draw attention to myself with clothes, my inner world, my energy, my voice, my manners should correspond to this.

And here it is very important: clothes should be chosen based on our current comfortable state. It is important that the clothes correspond to the image that we broadcast with our bodies, in the so-called meta-messages.

But what if we need to create a very specific image? If we need to be bright no matter how we feel? How to be? This is already art.

In order to create the right impression, in addition to the external image, an internal image is also required. Remember, have you ever seen a person dressed to the nines, but who evokes a feeling of distrust? For example, here is a respectable man, so confident, such a leader, but when he starts talking, he doesn’t want to listen. The voice is high and squeaky. and immediately the whole impression down the drain. Or a girl, elegant, light, in an airy dress, just a fluff. and as he says - so drunken bass. Or a man in a business suit, all self-confident, and his eyes are running around, he does not look into his eyes and is all twitchy.

All these are examples of inconsistency between the external image and the internal state. These are the pitfalls that can destroy the image you have so carefully planned.

Conclusion. in addition to things, attention should also be paid to your presentation, gestures, manner of speaking and voice. Everything must be in harmony, otherwise the image will not be complete.

Dear ones, we are here to help you with knowledge and support as you are on an intense spiritual journey right now. The powerful energies of ascension expose what has been hidden on all levels for eons of time, sometimes even causing doubts in some enlightened ones and forcing them to agree with the untruth.

Try always to be at your highest attained level of truth, dear ones, for this is your shield and sword, the comfort and reality that those who are still unawakened are subconsciously trying to achieve through chaos and violence. The world as a whole does not yet understand that everything it aspires to is already within it in its entirety.

The world is currently undergoing an intense cleansing, so it is vital to stay centered. Pay less attention to the news, which is mostly focused on the negative. Look for clean and honest news sources that are available to you. Show love at every opportunity throughout the day, always remembering that every person is a Divine being, even if he himself is far from realizing it.

At this time, you may feel the desire to take part in some activity or take some action, but always know that in order to play important role the ascension process does not necessarily have to do some extraordinary things, often just human concepts of how change should happen. Your awareness of the truth is what is the engine of change, because the outer always manifests what prevails in consciousness at a given time.

We want to discuss the idea of ​​inconsistency, which can be as simple as a child's demand for independence. when he begins to feel his individuality. We are talking about a deeper sense of inadequacy that occurs as the evolving soul begins to awaken and desire to regain its freedom and innate power, which is what is happening to many of you right now.

Many now intuitively feel that the time has come to stop indulging in the 3D games that have been studied over many lifetimes regarding relationships with family members and friends, spirituality, and so on. During these lifetimes, whether rich or poor, each person quickly realized that if he did not play by some existing rules, this would lead to serious consequences or even death.

Every soul has one and only one inner Power - that is your true identity and your birthright as an expression of the Source. However, while living life after life on earth according to the rules of the 3D belief system, almost everyone at some point had to give up their power and give it to those who were mistakenly considered to have a right to it, or to those who took it away through violence.

As a result, conditioned states of consciousness were created that still live in the impersonal universal consciousness. These states of consciousness manifest as games, pretending, impersonating others, and lying at all or some levels of life with the belief that it is necessary to achieve success or recognition (desire to be loved).

The feeling of inadequacy is an aspect of awakening and the birth of wholeness and true honesty. A personal sense of inadequacy begins as one awakens to a more enlightened state of consciousness that brings in new ways of seeing and understanding the truth about oneself and others. This new state of consciousness then begins to express itself as more aware and more highly resonant words and actions in all aspects of daily life.

3D energies and forces are beginning to dissolve into the nothingness that they really are as the substance (beliefs) that support them disappears as more people awaken. The feeling of inadequacy is simply the result of understanding and living on the basis of a higher understanding of reality, and not the generally accepted, but false concepts of an unenlightened society, - "I decide not to play 3D games anymore."

The decision to regain power can often be very frightening for a person who is used to living under the influence of another person, group or certain belief system. This is especially true of those who in one or more past lives experienced the terrible consequences of their resistance to conventional wisdom. As a result, the energy of such events often still lives in the cellular memory, leaving them doubtful and afraid to "rock the boat" even if they desperately want to.

That is why, during this time of powerful awakening, many of those who are ready and willing to take back their power are experiencing confusion and causeless fear (most have no idea why they experience such emotions). The old cellular memory actively reminds them of what happened when they asserted their independence and power. That's why it's so important to clean up any leftover old programming, and you can do it with ease.

AT quiet time, when no one interferes with you, declare your choice and intention to clear all old and no longer relevant energies of past and present life events, free yourself from physical inheritance and from all given oaths and made promises. Call on your Higher Self and Guides for help. "In the presence of my Higher Self and my Guides, I choose..."

Talk to your cells physical body- they have consciousness. Tell them it's time to let go of all the old but still active third dimensional energy. Imagine that Light is flowing through all of your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual bodies and chakras with the intention of clearing them of all old programming and energies regarding health, age, aging, fears, etc. - all false concepts previously accepted as true. Intention that from now on, your bodies only allow for the highly resonant energies of truth and Light.

Many will notice that what they fear or suffer from intensifies after such clearing meditations, which means that they have succeeded in allowing the old energies to manifest, to see them, to look closely and to get rid of them once and for all.

Every awakened soul at this time must confidently stand on your truth, facing problems related to certain concepts held personally, by friends and family members, or concerning many big problems still living in the consensus of consciousness.

Support all those who you see are struggling to be different from what others expect them to be. Patronize them, encourage them, and praise them for their efforts, no matter how small they may be. Often, doing something that is not what is expected of them, even if it is simply choosing not to attend church, is a huge task that requires courage and great effort from those who have lived in submission.

As soon as those who have lived constantly in the thrall of the concepts of an unenlightened society begin to stand up to their full height and develop an understanding of their own strength and worth, they will realize that the sky does not fall to earth when they follow their intuition and leave behind what they were made to believe as the only "right" thing.

The new ascension light energies currently entering the earth are designed to awaken the "sleeping giant" in many who have not yet been able to understand what is happening. Still entangled in 3D beliefs, they can interpret what they feel in this moment, only to their unawakened states of consciousness, expressing it through violence, anger and fear, both internally and externally, in ways that can be very inappropriate.

Everything that is happening in the world right now reflects the awakening of humanity to personal empowerment, a higher and better image life, the need for change, the constant striving to understand everything it already knows. Never be afraid to speak, act, and be different for fear of offending someone, even if you were deeply committed to a particular belief system.

A well-educated expert, who was thought to have all the answers in a certain area, might indeed have answers according to available information, but the old system disappears, allowing a new and different world to emerge. As the world appears more high dimension, many of those who were considered experts in a particular field of knowledge will no longer reflect the completeness of the information unless they can open themselves to new and higher levels of understanding.

People, places, and things will no longer "have power" as they did in the past, as awakened humanity will no longer create the false energy of these forms. Always trust your intuition, as it will help you get out of the grip of generally accepted, but quickly outdated information, rules, ideas, beliefs, etc.

The time has come for humanity to boldly step out from under the umbrella of group concepts and beliefs and come to the realization that everything that is needed is already fully present within, just waiting to be recognized and accepted.

Do not be afraid to stand up for the truth personally, even if it is a silent inner position that does not require external action. Always trust your intuition and it will guide you.

You are present at the birth of an entirely new world consciousness.

We are the Arcturian group

INTRAPERSONAL CONFLICT AS DISCORDING OF EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS

Nepshekueva T. S. - Ph.D. PhD, Associate Professor

Kuban State Agrarian University

The paper considers the contradiction between the external and the internal as a ground for an intrapersonal conflict, which can have different parameters of mismatch.

As you know, people communicate with each other not only with the help of words, but also through non-verbal messages, which include bodily movements. Each of the characteristics of the body, whether it be shape, size, position or height, under certain conditions, expresses or conveys some meaning. Age, occupation, life's joys and hardships, feelings, experiences and thoughts - everything leaves an imprint on the body on a person and is reflected in his non-verbal behavior. The body, its movements and actions, according to M. Ya. Gefter, "are the same historical document that testifies to the past, like a diary or a letter." Each moral or mental quality of the soul is reflected in the corresponding aesthetic characteristics of the body. Beauty, ugliness, physical weakness or fullness can be signs pointing to the true features of the human spirit, its state.

The discrepancy between the internal state of the personality and its external verbal and non-verbal manifestations may indicate internal disharmony, a conflict with oneself. Such an internal conflict can have various mismatch parameters.

In the example below, there is a mismatch between the external appearance and the inner spiritual content of a young man:

Not was not particularly good - looking , but he had a frank , open face and his shyness was attractive (" Theater", 20–21). – Perhaps it was impossible to call a handsome young man, but he had an open, straightforward face, and shyness even seemed attractive.("Theater", 365).

The unattractive appearance of the young man could cause a prejudiced attitude towards him or some kind of rejection reaction. However, a detailed description of the appearance prevents this. An open face, straightforwardness, shyness testify to his modesty, openness and goodwill. And these personality traits, fortunately, are the most valuable and attractive. Thus, the created dissonance outweighs the positive perception of the described person. Positivism in this mismatch between the external appearance and the inner world is provided with the spiritual qualities of the individual.

In the following example, the conflict between external and internal is expressed in the fact that opposite types of characters, having united in one person, have different objects impact.

Hehad a sweet and generous nature, and yet was always blundering; a real feeling for what was beautiful and the capacity to create only what was common place; a peculiar delicacy of sentiment and gross manners. He could exercise tact when dealing with the affairs of others, but none when dealing with his own. What a cruel practical joke old Nature played when she flung so many contradictory elements together, and left the man face to face with the perplexing callousness of the universe (" The Moon and Sixpence" , 126). – At Dirk It was gentle , magnanimous heart and habits jester , unmistakable feeling beauty and skill write only vulgar Pictures , amazing sincere delicacy and vulgar manners . He showed quite a few tact in strangers affairs , but in their own different amazing faux pas . Yes, nature played a cruel joke when she combined such contradictory qualities in one person and pushed him face to face with a merciless and indifferent universe("Moon and penny", 101-102).

All the positive qualities of Dirk Struve's nature - tenderness and generosity, a sense of beauty, spiritual delicacy, tact towards others - were characteristic of Dirk the extrovert. Everything negative in him - the habits of a jester, unprofessionalism and vulgarity, vulgar manners, tactlessness in his problems - everything was directed by him against himself. In addition to and as a result of such a tough internal conflict, Dirk finds himself in conflict with his environment. Disharmony with the outside world, inability to adapt to it also does not allow Dirk to live in harmony with himself.

The conflict between the appearance and the soul, which in itself sets a difficult "program" of being, exacerbates the problems of its bearer when the latter gets into serious life troubles. Such a conflict can have a sad effect on its bearer. As can be seen from the following example, the grief that happened to Dirk did not diminish his outward comedy in the least.

For all his pain, Dirk Stroeve remained a ridiculous object . He might have excited sympathy if he had grown worn and thin. He did nothing of the kind. He remained fat, and his round fat cheeks shone like ripe apples. He had great neatness of person, and he continued to wear his spruce black coat and his bowler hat, always a little too small for him, in a dapper, jaunty manner. He was getting something of a punch, and sorrow had no effect on it. He looked more than ever like a prosperous bagman. It is hard that a man's exterior should tally so little sometimes with his soul (" The Moon and Sixpence" , 125 – 126). – Despite on the his grief , Dirk Struve remained comic figure . If a would he at least a little lost weight and lean, he probably would arouse pity. But nothing like that happened to him. He was still round, like a ball, and his flushed red cheeks shone, as if ripe apples . With her dapper Dirk did not lose his neatness either and walked, as usual, in an elegant black suit and in a bowler hat that was too small for him and that's why sat on his head dashing and fun. Dirk has already managed to acquire a belly, which is in no way diminished from all sorrows. He now more than ever looked like a successful salesman. It is very sad when a person's appearance is in such discordance with his soul("Moon and penny", 101).

By nature, the comical appearance of Dirk Struve dominates and attracts attention to himself so much that even the grief that happened to him does not contribute to switching those around him to his internal problems. Periods of life tests for a person, as a rule, do not pass without a trace and, often, they are reflected in his appearance. People perceive a person's misfortune at first, usually through the prism of external manifestations of his experiences, sympathize with him. Nothing of the kind is happening with Struve. It does not lose either its rounded shapes or its underlined neatness. And even acquired in his appearance some traits of success.

Such parameters of Dirk's appearance as fullness, red cheeks, dapper neatness, dashing and cheerfulness in wearing clothes, external comedy, on the one hand, and a prosperous appearance, on the other hand, are incompatible with the stereotype of the appearance of a person experiencing inconsolable grief.

Dirk Struve's internal discord also evokes in his friend the author an inner experience, sympathy for such contradictions and even sadness.

Even when Dirk Struve suffers a heavy loss, the situation does not change for him - the conflict is expressed in a sharp, to the point of buffoonery, contrast between Dirk Struve's external appearance and internal state.

His plumpness and his red, fat cheers made his mourning not a little incongruous . It was cruel that his extreme unhappiness should have in it something of buffoonery (" The Moon and Sixpence" , 140). – His round figurine and thick red cheeks funny contrasted With mourning clothes . A cruel fate - even on Dirk's boundless grief lay a touch of buffoonery!("Moon and penny", 112).

AT this case the conflict is observed precisely between the parameters of Dirk's appearance, first of all, a comical figure in mourning clothes, and only then his internal state of boundless grief. And again, only on the part of the author, an understanding of how cruel fate turned out to be for Dirk.

The conflict between the external and internal in a person can also be expressed in a mismatch social role man and his appearance. So, in the following example, there is a conflict between Michael's professional qualities and his appearance.

The role played by a person in society often does not correspond to the external appearance of a person, and sometimes a striking contrast appears between them.

Michael was playing Mercutio and he had not thought him very good, but when he came into the office he was staggered by his beauty (" Theater", 27). – Maucl spoke in the role of Mercutio and did not like him very much, but when he entered his office, Jimmy was amazed by his beauty("Theater", 370).

The striking contrast between Michael's level of professionalism and his appearance is at the core of his internal conflict. The impression that Michael made on Jimmy with his performance on stage and the way he looked in a normal life situation, are at the core of Jimmy's internal conflict. The conflict between Michael's professional qualities and his appearance still has positive outcome, since Jimmy, contrary to the situation of selecting professional actors to work in the American theater, appreciated the beauty of Michael and signed a contract with him, which is known from the broad context of the novel.

The conflict of external and internal can be expressed in a mismatch between controlled external behavior and emotional tension, a riot of feelings.

Most people try to make their appearance correspond to the image that they have defined for themselves. In this regard, a person constantly, with different levels of success, controls his external manifestations. However, emotions, as you know, are insidious, and at the moment of heat of passions they can treacherously get out of control.

All his emotions worked on Julia and, though she smiled happily , tears coursed down her cheeks (" Theater", 47-48). - All these expressions of feelings had an effect on Julia, and, although she smiled happily, she had tears running down her cheeks("Theater", 387).

Julia, being under the impression of the emotions poured out on her, herself succumbs to them and, although she tries to hide them with the help of non-verbal means - smiles, fails. Non-verbal means give out her real inner state. Apparently, muscle activity is more or less controlled by a person, while hormonal activity is not. In the example given, the syntactic structure of the subordinate clause with a subordinate clause suggests that Julia's tears do not match her happy smile, with which she tries to control her internal stress. Without it, the tears could be regarded as tears of happiness.

Michael, despite his professional acting skills, does not quite succeed in trying to control his internal state with his appearance:

thought he put a brave face on it , Julia felt that he was deeply mortified (" Theater", 59). – Although Michael put a good face on a bad game Julia saw that he deep wounded("Theater", 396).

state of vulnerability, internal mismatch Michael does not escape the eyes of a professional actress and wife Julia. Michael's failure, provided by internal conflict, is conveyed through the yield syntax.

The discrepancy between the ideas of a person in his own imagination and his actions and deeds can also become a conflictogen, as happened in the case below.

She looked at me with those soft blue eyes of hers in which there was a child's playful naughtiness. She often held her mouth a little open, as though it were just going to break into a smile, and her lips were full and red. There was honesty and innocence in her face and an ingenious frankness and though then I could not have expressed this, I felt it quite strongly. If I had put into words at all I think I should have said: She looks like straight as a die. It was impossible that she could be " carrying on " with Lord George . There must be an explanation; I did not believe what my eyes had seen (" The Skeleton in the Cupboard" , 93 – 94). – She is watched on the me their soft blue eyes, where hid childish playful mischief. Her full pink lips were often parted, as if ready to smile. And her honest face expressed hatred and genuine frankness - I felt this very well, although then I would not have been able to express it. If I tried to find a word for this, I would probably say: "In appearance, she is more honest than honest". It was easy incredible that she could "walk" with Lord George. There must have been some explanation; I didn't believe what I saw with my own eyes("The skeleton in the closet", 249-250).

The inexperienced young man had the impression of a pure and honest woman about Rosie, who was pretty to him. It probably happened due to the purity inherent in youth - an honest and pure youth, prone to idealizations and attributions. The young author created in his imagination the image of an honest, decent married (according to the context) woman and firmly believed in him. And although he did not yet have sufficient communicative competence to express his feelings, he was nevertheless convinced of his assessments. Accidentally witnessing Rosie's secret date with Lord George, he finds himself in disarray and refuses to believe what could not be more reliable - his own eyes. The internal conflict of the author is caused by the inconsistency of Rosie's image with her actions and deeds. Sympathy, however, is a good prerequisite for empathy, and the young man does not seek to convict Rosie of something or blame her. On the contrary, he tries to find an explanation for what he has seen and hopes to somehow justify honesty "temporarily" that has fallen into infidelity.

The mismatch between the spirit and the body is a powerful conflict generator. Especially when suppressing, infringing or restricting the freedom of one of them, because both the body (nature) and the spirit (the divine principle in man) do not tolerate violence and cruelly avenge themselves.

Blanche Struve's internal conflict is caused by confrontation between mind and body, and from the following example it is clear that this fierce struggle was hidden under the outer veil of humility.

I knew from what I heard that she was a woman of violent passions; and that injurious blow that she had given to Dirk, the man who had loved her so devotedly, betrayed a sudden temper and a horrid cruelty. She had abandoned the safe shelter of her husband’s protection and the comfortable ease of a well-provided establishment for what she could not but see was an extreme hazard. It showed an eagerness for adventure, a readiness for the hand-to-mouth, which the care she took of her home and her love of good house-wifery made not a little remarkable. She must be a woman of complicated character, and there was something dramatic in the contrast of that with her demure appearance(" The Moon and Sixpence" , 128). - I already knew that she is a woman of great passions, and, judging by the terrible blow that she inflicted on Dirk, who was so selflessly devoted to her, she is capable of both impetuous impulse and desperate cruelty. She left a safe shelter from a kind husband, put an end to a prosperous life, risked everything for a transient - this she could not help but know - heart adventure. If we remember that she was a zealous mistress and ran her house approximately, her recklessness, her readiness to live in need and deprivation, will seem all the more remarkable. Apparently, this woman had a very complex nature, almost tragically contrary to her humble habits("Moon and penny", 103).

The author already knew by that moment what a complex and passionate nature Blanche was. When she, having stepped over her spiritual values, material stability and security, inflicts a heavy blow in the back on the person most devoted to her, who once raised her from the bottom of her life (according to the context), the author also concludes about her desperate cruelty. She gives up not just a prosperous life with Dirk, she gives up the loyalty, loyalty, reliability and kindness of both Dirk and her virtues, for the sake of an extremely risky hobby ( extreme hazard). The flesh, previously suppressed by the spirit, burst out like disaster sweeping away all obstacles in its path. Spirit Blanche was weaker than the flesh. The complexity of Blanche's nature, a deep internal crisis for the time being forced her to move away from solving her internal problems. When the hour struck her, she recklessly rushed into the pool of transient passions. The conflict is marked by Blanche's actions and deeds to get out of the crisis.

Thus, the contradiction between the external and internal as a ground for intrapersonal conflict can be represented by the discrepancy between the verbal message and non-verbal information; spiritual and bodily, objective, professional qualities, the presence or absence of talent and external natural data; perception of a person and his actions and deeds. Such a conflict is marked by non-verbal behavior, attempts to hide the real or wishful thinking, the expression of appropriate emotions, syntactic concession and vocabulary with the semantics of dissonance.

Bibliography

1. Kreidlin, G. E. Non-verbal semiotics: Body language and natural language / G. E. Kreidlin. - M .: New literary review, 2002.

2. Maugham, W. S. Moon and penny / W. S. Maugham. - Per. N. Man. - M .: Fiction, 1991.

3. Maugham, US Pies and beer, or a skeleton in the closet / US Maugham. - Per. A. Jordanian. - M .: Fiction, 1991.

4. Maugham, U.S. Theater / U.S. Maugham. - Per. G. Ostrovskoy. - M .: Fiction, 1991.

5. Maugham, W. S. The Moon and Sixpence. Short Stories / W. S. Maugham. – A book to read in English. - M .: Publishing house "Manager", 2000.

6. Maugham, W. S. Cakes and Ale: or the Skeleton in the Cupboard / W. S. Maugham. – A book to read in English. - M .: Publishing house "Manager", 2000.

7. Maugham, W. S. Theater / W. S. Maugham. – A book to read in English. - M .: International relations, 1979.

Depression is a serious disorder that can be characterized by the unpleasant phrase "life is not nice." How is depression formed? Does everyone get depressed? What to do to avoid falling into depression?

Depression does not have one single cause. As a rule, a whole range of reasons leads to the formation of depression, from hereditary predisposition to unfavorable conditions. climatic conditions.

They play a big role psychological reasons onset of depression, we will consider some of them.

If you are prone to depression, understanding and accepting the following reasons will help you prevent the onset of depression.

1. Sudden life changes.

More often these are negative changes for which you were not ready. It can be the grief of losing a loved one, physical and mental trauma, divorce, dismissal. Grief is a normal reaction to loss and is not yet depression as such, but it can develop into depression if you refuse to accept the loss and are not ready to move on with your new status. No matter what happens, your life goes on, and in order to live on, you need to restore yourself.

Changes can be outwardly positive, for example, you have achieved your biggest dream, and at the top after brief feeling Success does not overtake you with long-awaited happiness, but devastation. Such cycles indicate an inability to live in the present, a ban on joy. The “faster, higher, stronger” attitude helps in business, but when it permeates absolutely all areas of life, it does not work. state of mind. Allow yourself to stop and just relax, enjoying life here and now.

2. Violations of the life cycle

No matter how highly developed and successful individuals we are with individual achievements, a collective layer of the psyche, permeated with rituals, sits very deeply in us. Throughout life, we go through various initiations that testify to our transition to new status. Therefore, calendar holidays, graduation ball, initiation into students, graduation, weddings, commemorations, not to mention various religious ceremonies are so important to us. When celebrating this or that event, we, as it were, put a checkmark “done” at the turn of the transition from one state to another, which allows us to accept ourselves in a new capacity. These moments are key in our life and are built into the core of personality.

Modern man, thinking himself exclusively as an individual, often does not pay attention to rituals, and it turns out that different layers of his psyche come into conflict. For example, we can live in a so-called common-law marriage for years, without even realizing the discomfort we experience about a missed wedding ceremony, but at the same time unconsciously resist such a union.

Conflict can also arise if the initiation occurs too early. For example, premature growing up as a result of violence against a person. Or some events happened against your will - graduation from an unloved university, marriage due to early pregnancy, the birth of an unplanned and unwanted child. All this can torment a person for years, even after the events themselves are forgotten and getting used to a new life. Such causes of depression are usually deeply hidden from our modern consciousness, as they are in a more archaic layer of the psyche, which is not realized daily.

3. Physical illnesses.

In addition to the heavy state of health and drugs that can cause depression, there are concomitant psychological factors. For example, when the disease is severe or considered incurable. It is possible to recommend to patients the psychological support of treatment, which can, if not remove, then alleviate suffering. Milton Erickson, for example, worked with severely ill patients, relieving pain through hypnosis, which made the illness easier to bear.

4. Discrepancy between internal and external age.

If you are 45, and you are already the father of the family, but inside you are 17, and you have an attitude to life, as if you were just entering the university, this dissonance will undermine your condition. Your children's needs and obligations adulthood will only annoy, marriages will end in divorce, and friends will become less and less over the years, because they inevitably outgrow you and become “boring”.

Many people refuse to grow up due to various mental traumas, romanticize the life of Peter Pan and believe that only children have a pure perception of life. If we remove the sublime plaque from the image of the child, we get undisguised egoism and no need to consider others. When there are no obligations, there are only interests, and at any moment you can shout "I want to handle it." It is true growing up that allows us to live with other people, to truly love and share the joy of life with loved ones.

Happy, harmonious people mature when the time comes and feel comfortable in their age. And the one who remains a child inside, as a rule, is an extremely resentful and vindictive child.

the same inner child, in which you are stuck, demands revenge for your grievances, and over the years it will escalate the situation more and more, which can become one of the causes of depression. The same works in reverse side: if you have matured prematurely and now feel much older than your real age.

Trauma processing and forgiveness will help you accept your age and heal from the endless replaying of trauma.

5. Toxic relationships.

In family and romantic relationships, of course, two are involved, but it happens that one of the parties goes over the line. Quite often it is the toxic partner that is hidden reason depression. If a loved one constantly devalues ​​you, demands more and more new achievements and is never satisfied, allows himself what is not allowed for you, blocks your realization as a person or does not allow your life plan to develop (postpones the wedding for 15 years or dissuades you from motherhood for the next 10 years old, while you are 35 years old and ready to become a mother). If you have become a reliable rear of the ever-elusive front and simply lose your Self, such relationships need to be reconsidered in order to maintain mental health.

6. Low self-esteem.

This is a habit of comparing yourself to others for the benefit of others, which has its roots in childhood, when you had to compete with siblings for parental attention, and with peers for parental evaluation. People with low self-esteem feel that they are not worthy of the benefits they have, and therefore feel uncomfortable having something.

7. Financial problems and lack of confidence in the future.

Modern man feels bound by many obligations. Even if he reduces his consumption to a minimum, he still has to pay various bills. The loss of a source of income activates anxiety, because society is so saturated with money relations that it is difficult to even imagine life without money exchange. However, not everything in life is measured by money, and life's abundance is a real phenomenon, not abstract numbers. It's hard to stop thinking about money, but if you let go of fear and trust life, the world will sparkle with new colors. Many people note that when they have less money, they get even more benefits and random opportunities than when they are obsessed with numbers.

All of the above reasons have one thing in common: mismatch between internal and external. In other words, the conflict between the individual and the environment. Understanding the reasons may give an impetus to get out of this difficult state, but you need to gather your will and make efforts to get out of depression. Acceptance of yourself and your situation is the key to getting out of a difficult situation.

For depression, as a rule, one cause is not enough. Something one person is able to survive with relatively small losses. But it happens that trouble comes not alone, and problems at work follow the betrayal of a loved one, followed by insomnia and fear of poverty, all together give rise to apathy, and accompanied by autumn rains, you are ready to go into hibernation so as not to wake up for as long as possible.

If you find yourself in depression, remember that there is a way out of any situation, everything is fixable, and what is irreparable should be left in the past.

How to get out of depression - read

I wish you harmony, Your Mitravat

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