How to completely change yourself and your life. How to change for the better

Each person does as he sees fit. We have our inner beliefs, which we express through actions. We manifest them outwardly, because we cannot do otherwise. What leads to poverty, overweight, frustration, loss of friends, hides deep inside a person.

Remember how many promises you made to yourself throughout your life. They said, for example, that you would not be rude, raise your voice at people, smoke, drink, eat fatty foods after six in the evening. But already at eleven at night, you are sitting in the kitchen and eating cake, despite your promise.

Due to the fact that we have no idea how to change internally, we often begin to make mistakes and complicate the situation. We get angry at ourselves for our lack of willpower and constantly blame ourselves for mistakes and failures. Stop blaming yourself and say, "Now I am free. I have a goal to become self-sufficient person succeeding in everything I wish. I deserve to be happy and accept it as a gift."

Many of us think that they are absolutely helpless in this life and lose interest in everything, seeing around them only loneliness and hopelessness. Such hopelessness arises from many disappointments, pain and resentment, leading to an unwillingness to live. full life. Stop! Ask yourself what is the reason for such disappointment, what makes you so angry. The more anger you pour into this world, the more angry you become. Think about it, you were angry, perhaps even at the moment of reading the previous paragraph. You must understand how to change better side. And we will help you.

The beginning of change

Decide for yourself that you want to turn your life in a different direction. Do not doubt, each person has enough strength in himself to understand for himself how to change both externally and internally. It is necessary to change your worldview, train of thought, overcome stubbornness, and then changes will come.

Exercises

You do not yet know how you can change, but you already have this desire inside you. Tell yourself that you want to get better, and more than once, repeat it at every opportunity. Believe in change and it will definitely happen. What you think is impossible to change in you, you need to change first. By repeating the phrase: "I want to become different," you turn on the Power of the Universe to help you.

Take a look in the mirror when you say to yourself "I want to be different", listen to your feelings. If you feel contradictions, do not despair and do not blame yourself, because it is very difficult to change quickly. Try to figure out exactly what thought makes you doubt. Dissolve it. Then, go back to the mirror and say something nice about yourself. Such eye contact I must help myself with myself.

How much to change and start new life? Change your beliefs, your thoughts. If a negative thought does not leave, catch yourself on it and drive it away once and for all. It is possible, we can control every thought.

Principles of working on yourself:

Mind control.
The desire to change yourself.
Forgiveness of all offenses.

After deciding to start a change, you need to learn how to control your mind. You can use it as you wish, it is your tool, subject to your desire. And not vice versa. Think about it. To find harmony, control the thoughts, words that you pronounce, since they have incredible power and create all the situations in your life. But, in fact, you are the master of your mind.

Leave the past in the past

I have been working as a psychologist for many years and have heard from my patients more than once that the sad past prevents them from being happy in the present, where they were offended, injured, wounded in the heart. Now they have lost all the values and meaning of life, they cannot forget the events from the past, they cannot love, they cannot forgive. And if they forgot and forgave, their life would again show its charms.

Treat all events from the past as memories without emotional evaluation. Forgive everyone who has ever harmed you and you will find the answers to right questions. The most important thing is love. Only real love can change us fundamentally. Love for others, love for the world. But without forgiveness, she doesn't come.

An exercise to deal with resentment

Being in silence, imagine in front of you a small stage of a semi-dark theater, on which stands the person who offended you. Whether he is alive or not, you need to conquer your hatred. Mentally imagine that good things happen to him, he is really happy. Remember his image like this. Then take the stage yourself. You smile too, because there is enough goodness in the world for everyone. This simple exercise will dissolve your resentment if you learn how to do it correctly. Work on yourself, get to know yourself as deeply as possible, and the world will change for the better with you, giving you the opportunity to find true happiness.

How to change for the better? The desire to develop is inherent in humanity by nature, and the desire for positive changes is inherent in everyone literally evolutionarily. The difference is at what stage a person begins to ask the question “how can you change for the better?”. Some people are pushed to such changes by failures and criticism of others, and then the desire for improvement is defensive reaction, a way to avoid punishment, harassment or public ignorance.

Someone changes for certain person(to please, earn respect, build relationships) or relationships (taking criticism important person and choosing to make certain changes in yourself to save significant relationships). Someone is inspired by other people's examples, and someone gets bored with the boring gray fuss. New travels, acquaintances, films, illnesses, disasters, breakups - these are all strong incentives to start changes. The leader in the list of reasons forcing people to change is fear, most often the fear of losing or being deprived of the opportunity to get what they want.

The concentration and direction of changes depend on the sphere requiring such changes and the global nature of the solution. If one person has to change their place of residence and occupation in order to realize their dream (and this is a thoughtful path that brings visible results improvement), then how to change a person for the better (in own character, the flow of life and interaction with people), just updating the hairstyle or wardrobe remains a mystery.

For each task, there are own methods. Therefore, before mindlessly following the advice of ten steps to change yourself, try to understand what qualities you want to change, which ones to improve, to what extent and in what direction you want and are ready to move, what you need for this and what resources you already have. have. And succumbing to fashion trends to improve yourself, when your life suits you, is at least a stupid act, because in the process of change you can lose your old life that completely suited you.

How to change for the better character?

Consists of many habits, developed reactions and ways of responding, so it is not possible to change it completely. Trying to simultaneously get rid of all the qualities that you consider negative and all the habits that somehow interfere with your life is simply an impossible task. Having taken on such a burden, you can hold out for a week, and then break into the previous state, if not in an aggravated form. Break the global task into components, and work simultaneously on one or more qualities, gradually connecting the rest when you cope with the first.

How can a person change for the better if he does not have starting point actions, i.e. understanding who he is and his inner spiritual world. The solution of any problem begins with study, in the case of a change in character, the need to immerse yourself in the world of one's own experiences becomes peremptory. The first question along the way of this study will be about the reasons for the change. Analyze what events push you to this. Changes made out of a sense of love and self-care will bring beneficial consequences (reducing the tendency to irritability will save you from heart problems, developing the ability to refuse will give you more time for yourself and with loved ones, training perseverance will help you finish the project). At the same time, if you started to redraw your character for the convenience of others, then you will not feel better from such a situation, and the feeling of violence against your own psyche will remain and may return to you in the form of psychosomatics (becoming compliant at the request of others, you will be inundated with their requests , increased rigidity in order to prove something to someone can turn friends away from you, and outwardly good-natured communication with those who betrayed you is fraught with the development of hypertension and peptic ulcer disease).

Listen carefully to what you are changing for and look at the results, who will be easier and more joyful.

In order to change for the better in character, it is necessary to maintain a constant enough high level happiness and self-interest. Re-evaluate your inhibiting beliefs and kick out half of them (staying up because you have to cook a meal, not picking up your last candy, skipping movies in favor of cleaning your house are all examples of things that can bring you bits of happiness and wellness, and you will lose only false beliefs that this is not possible). Every day, look for what will bring you joy, make sure that your life is filled with activities, hobbies, entertainment that you enjoy, and are not popular or approved by your friends. Good character does not require full customization the world, but it certainly includes an understanding of one's own needs, since only in this way can one understand and accept the differences of others.

How to force yourself to change for the better? Do not delay achieving what is important to you, justifying it as a priority for others now, or, work on your perseverance. Work not to change yourself, but to change life in your direction. You will not be able to become a comfortable copy that fits into the above standards. There will always be those who do not love you and you are free to compete with them, fight, not communicate or look for common ground. There will always be places where you are not in the subject, and you are free to whine and stay there, leave to look for others or create your own. The world is plastic, and self-acceptance helps to find organic ways to fulfill needs, in addition to reshaping one's own personality.

How to change for the better for a girl?

When a crisis erupted in a relationship or a girl who walks around with a silent and dissatisfied face for a week, and the relationship is getting cooler, the guys begin to look for ways to change for the better. The first thing to understand is to prefer action, and the sooner the better, and not to carry out serious Scientific research this problem.

A common mistake guys make in their changes is that they completely focus on the interests of the girl, trying to please or even anticipate her desires. This tactic can help a lot. If before that you absolutely did not pay attention to it, but most often it does not bring results. To make a girl feel more comfortable and interesting with you, you need to pump own life and abilities. So instead of constantly annoying your companion, get busy - read a book from a new field for you, sign up for courses, go in for sports, open a new hobby. A person who does not stand still, develops, knows what he wants, attracts attention. Expanding the circle own interests, it will be easier for you to understand the girl, more themes for conversations and occasions for spending time together. Self-development is a time-consuming and time-consuming way to improve yourself in the eyes of a girl, but more reliable than a presented bouquet.

Follow not only the development of the inner world, but also your appearance. Take care of cleanliness and tidy clothes, regularity hygiene procedures, pay special attention to your health (adjust the regimen, nutrition, pastime), exercise different types(beautiful muscles, of course, delight, but dexterity, the ability to handle different types of transport, accuracy will make the girl look with admiring eyes).

How to change for the better for a girl? Look for the positive in everything and tune in to this wave. Good mood, the ability to cheer up, get out of an unpleasant situation with humor - those qualities that women really appreciate in men. And of course, do not forget to take into account the wishes of your companion, because if she voiced a request to be late less often, then the first thing you should work on is your own. Girls usually make it clear what they want from guys, do not neglect her words, because before expressing criticism aloud, she had already kept silent for a while, justified, endured and did everything possible in hers so as not to make claims against you.

How to change for the better for a guy?

Girls, striving for a permanent one, are guided in their activities by two factors: own desires and the wishes of the guys. Usually, in order to become better for a guy, in the first place are external changes. To become more feminine, to change worn out jeans for an airy dress, to learn how to walk in stiletto heels - this is all an arsenal that women actively use to increase their own attractiveness in the eyes of men. Indeed, appearance plays important role in the formation and emergence of interest, but later they get used to the appearance, and a man will exchange any beautiful doll for a woman with whom he is comfortable and cozy.

Internal change is a more serious and time-consuming process than external transformations. Putting on a dress and looking feminine is the task of several hours, but to remain feminine in your actions, regardless of the wardrobe, is a whole art, which is now devoted to many trainings. But usually guys don't need that much. They are interested in live and real girls who know themselves, their skills, strong and weak sides they know what they want. Internal fullness, reliability, ability to support difficult situation and the ability to understand attract guys and make them stay around.

Know yourself, get involved own development, accept yourself, this world and the guy who is nearby as they are, and you will become better not only for him, you will feel how it has become more comfortable and joyful for you to live with yourself, how the world around you began to take care of you. Get more open to the world, develop spontaneity and try to replace criticism and prejudice with an exploratory interest in the opinions and lives of other people - such changes will not leave others indifferent and will give space for the realization of your inner space.

Almost every woman sooner or later faces the realization that not everything suits her in her appearance. Of course, every woman may want to see in the reflection of the mirror " best version yourself”, and if you also have such a desire, then we suggest that you familiarize yourself with some recommendations.

How to change your appearance to a girl, where to start

The first thing you should do is draw up a plan of action. Write down on a piece of paper what specifically you don't like about your appearance and how these traits can be changed for the better. Read on the Internet about various cosmetic procedures, in Photoshop, experiment with hair color, eyebrow thickness, and so on, in order to understand whether the planned changes will really suit you, and only then proceed to cardinal changes.

How to change beyond recognition

Make plastic Of course, this method is the most radical, but it should be resorted to only if there are any real defects on your face. It is not uncommon for a girl to impulsively change the shape of her lips or the shape of her eyes, but subsequently again turns to the surgeon in order to return everything “as it was” - there is a rejection of the “new self”. Besides, new version is not always better than the previous one. If you are already long time you dream about the operation and are convinced that it is real way improve appearance, then you can decide on the procedure. We recommend that you consult with several practical surgeons on this issue. Botox, lift Note that Botox injections and facelift are procedures that can help improve the appearance of women over 35-40 years old. For young girls, these facial manipulations, as a rule, are completely unnecessary, and can even be harmful. If you are not satisfied with the quality of your skin, consult a beautician and ask him to recommend procedures that will best suit your age. Make a face tattoo A fairly common procedure, however, when doing it, keep in mind that, at times, you will have to make a tattoo correction so that it is not faded. Currently, there is a tattoo of lips, eyebrows and so on. Many women note the convenience of this method - for example, with the help of lip tattooing, they managed to visually increase their volume without resorting to hyaluronic acid injections and so on. In addition, such a tattoo helps to temporarily solve problems with makeup - the master initially selects the color that your lips will be painted according to your desire. Similarly, you can apply arrows on the eyelids - this will also help you save time on applying everyday makeup, if they are an integral part of it.

Change yourself internally Of course, internal changes are unlikely to change you beyond recognition, but they really can make significant changes into your image. It has long been noted that if a person reconsiders his attitude to life, finds himself in an unexpected hobby, begins to engage in various practices that help to achieve inner harmony, then these positive change start in the best way affect the appearance. Lose weight or gain weight As you know, with a change in weight, changes in the face become noticeable. A woman who has lost weight begins to notice new features in herself - cheekbones that suddenly appear, the disappearance of edema, and so on. Even the eyes on the thinner face suddenly begin to appear larger and more expressive. Also, do not forget about the new outlines that the figure acquires. However, often, not only overweight women are dissatisfied with their figure, but also those who suffer from underweight. In the second case, you can gain the necessary kilograms by increasing muscle mass - in this case, a thin body will receive the desired shape in right places and acquire more advantageous proportions.

How to change in a month - action plan

If you want to achieve changes in appearance in a month, then outline yourself in advance required plan actions. Dramatically change the hairstyle and hair color You can start with a radical change in hairstyle and hair color. If you have worn a braid below the waist for many years, then you can update the cut, for example, by cutting your hair to the shoulder blades. You can also grow hair, make bangs or an interesting haircut for your hair length. However, all this should be done only if you are convinced that new look it will really suit you. The same rule applies to hair coloring - if possible, try on a wig with strands of the desired color or process your photo in Photoshop to see how you will look with an updated hairstyle. Note that if you decide to go blonde, but now your hair is dark, then it is likely to achieve desired result you will have to repeat the coloring procedure more than once, maintaining an interval of several days. New makeup (or simplification if you've always been wearing bright makeup) Try to pick up a new make-up for yourself, with which you will look more spectacular. To do this, there are many training videos on the Internet and various courses. However, even without this, you can try to paint differently than usual - “play” with the color palette, apply shadows of a completely different shade to which you are used to, experiment with the color of lipstick. For these purposes, you can buy a few cheap lipsticks and an inexpensive set of shadows - this way you can definitely make sure which colors absolutely do not suit you, and which ones look very interesting on your face. Of course, after experimenting, clean your face and get a new lipstick and eye shadow of your favorite brand and those shades that, after experimenting, you liked the most on your face. Refresh your wardrobe Often, just by updating the wardrobe, a woman appears before others in a completely different light. Perhaps you are used to dressing in a certain style and do not even suspect that completely different things can suit you much more. We recommend that you choose a free day and, having come to a clothing store with reasonable prices for you, take a few wardrobe items that you usually do not pay attention to in the fitting room. Try to collect several images from things that are unusual for you, each of which must be photographed in the dressing room mirror. At home, look at your photos, remember the sensations that you experienced when wearing new clothes, and come back for those things that suit you. However, you can buy those wardrobe items that are more familiar to you, but be sure to complement them with new accessories. Change habits and habits Give up bad habits - usually they do not have the best effect on the overall appearance. Better buy new ones instead. good habits- sports, proper nutrition, outdoor activities and the like. Visit new places, meet new people Expand your horizons by meeting new people and visiting new places. For example, visiting institutions various types, you will unwittingly expand your wardrobe - a dress for the theater, a sports suit for fitness classes, a new outfit for a date, and so on.

How to transform quickly and inexpensively

Sometimes, a woman needs quite a bit to transform - good sleep and rest. Often we neglect this, and as a result we get dark circles or bags under the eyes, a tired look and other unpleasant changes in appearance. A rested and well-rested woman, in turn, usually looks fresh and cheerful, which cannot but improve her appearance. Find a way to set aside a couple of days for yourself in which you will do nothing but sleep and relax. Moreover, you need to relax not in front of the computer - take a walk around the city, just lie on the couch, take a bath with sea salt, foam and essential oils and the like. Do your own hair and hair coloring Dyeing your hair at home is not at all difficult, if we are not talking about some complex dyeing or lightening it. On any hair dye you'll find detailed instructions applications. Color your eyebrows Many women sign up for eyebrow painting in a beauty salon, or postpone this visit until later, not even suspecting that they can quite cope with this procedure at home, spending no more than 15 minutes on it. To do this, you just need to buy a tube of the desired paint in almost any cosmetic store. If you are not sure that you can cope with the task yourself, watch a video on the Internet how to do it or read general recommendations. Go in for sports or go on a diet Sports can be practiced not only in the gym, but also at home. To do this, we recommend stocking up on a pair of dumbbells and starting the exercises - for this purpose, you can pick up several videos on the Web that demonstrate a set of exercises for a particular muscle group. Even if you just start doing squats and doing abs every day, this will already have a positive effect on your appearance. In case of presence excess weight on your body, we recommend choosing a suitable diet for yourself - this will not only improve your appearance, but also have a good effect on overall well-being.

What can you change in yourself if you have already tried everything

Make a tattoo, eyelashes, nails Try to make an interesting manicure - it can add unexpected touches to your look. Also, it is quite possible that extended eyelashes or eyelid tattoos will give more expressiveness to your look. Get yourself a tattoo If you have been dreaming of a tattoo for a long time, and this is not an impulsive decision, then maybe it's time to fulfill your dream? Choose a salon with positive feedback or sign up to the master for recommendations - for sure, even a small drawing on the body that you like will give you the opportunity to feel yourself in a new way. Dye your hair an unexpected color Hair color plays big role for the image as a whole. The same woman with different color hair looks completely different. Try to experiment with your hair, but make sure in advance that these changes will still suit you. Cut long curls or grow if you have a short haircut Of course, you can conduct unexpected experiments not only with hair color, but also with their length. Many women do not even suspect what they look like with waist-length hair, for the simple reason that they have never been able to grow their hair to this limit. Meanwhile, you may well try to grow your hair in the most gentle way or try on false strands. Also, some people wear waist-length hair for many years, despite the fact that this hairstyle does not suit them at all, and the curls in general do not look too neat from split ends. tips or dullness. Subsequently, some of them still cut their braid, making, for example, an elongated bob. As a result, their image becomes fresher and more interesting, and their hair looks much healthier.

To transform yourself for the better - do not rush to experiment

Think well and study the information Before deciding on drastic changes, try reading reviews about them on the Internet, consult with loved ones. Don't make decisions impulsively. Consult with experts Depending on the area in which you are planning changes, consult a hairdresser, beautician, plastic surgeon, and so on. Spend more time to get the best result Don't expect great results short term– in some cases this is not possible. We are talking about diets, sports activities, complex skin care, getting rid of cellulite and much more. A week is hard to reach cardinal changes, if we are talking significant weight loss, muscle gain, or plastic surgery(requires recovery time). However, during this time you can make many other changes in appearance. The main thing is to study in advance necessary information and make sure that these changes will really be for the better - otherwise, the matter may turn out to be a big disappointment for you. The main advice is to approach any experiments consciously.

Is it possible to externally become a different person in 1 day

In general, in one day you can really change your appearance quite significantly. However, if you are unhappy with your weight, then these changes will certainly take much longer. If the figure suits you, but you want some noticeable changes, then you can make them by changing the color of your hair, dyeing your eyebrows, increasing eyelashes, cleaning your face in the salon, changing your wardrobe, visiting a solarium, cutting or growing hair. If it's about internal changes, then this, of course, will take much more time. However, in one day you are also able to do a lot - to outline detailed plan actions that will help you achieve the desired results.

Instruction

Throw away all doubts and laziness. You will have to work hard and for a long time. Do not expect that from Monday you will wake up new and everywhere you will achieve success and universal success. First, you will have to seriously work on and say goodbye to many habits that seemed quite comfortable to you.

Clearly articulate the shortcomings that hinder you. Define yours as accurately as possible. Write them down on a piece of paper. As a rule, all minor flaws are twisted around one big defect: all your behavior is subject to an obstacle in the form of one or another vice. Therefore, it will be small.

On another sheet, write down the traits that you want in yourself, based on own worldview and natural inclination. The ideal list consists of one or two words, because a single goal allows you to focus energy on one process. But, if your goal consists of traits, write them all down.

Break your goal into several easily achievable milestones. Determine the due date for each. From now on, you will strictly adhere to this list, so the deadlines must be realistic. Do not overestimate your abilities, but do not give yourself slack. It will be good if each stage corresponds to one week: during this period you can complete enough to see at least a small result.

Start working on yourself immediately after the end of the lists. Do not transfer the beginning to Monday, the first, the beginning or the end of the vacation. The sooner you get down to business, the sooner your goals will come.

Work hard. Act as if you have already achieved your goal: for example, getting rid of bad habit, started playing sports, stopped being late everywhere or the like. Don't think about: they see you the way you show yourself. Praise yourself for any accomplishment, especially one that is ahead of schedule. Do not despair if a stage is not given to you the first time or on time. Redo the plan and fight the obstacle until you overcome it.

1. Maintain readiness for change

And so the first advice: expose your face to the winds, at least sometimes - keep the window and doors open.

In my pioneer childhood there was such a “test”: “Imagine that you live alone in the forest. And you don't expect anyone to visit. And all the paths were covered with snow. Will you clean the paths? As then, as a child, I still believe: it is worth cleaning the paths. What matters is the readiness for change.

It is important to pay attention to the “weak signals” of change: dissatisfaction with oneself, the practices of colleagues, friends, competitors.

2. Learn from the best

Tip two: develop a set of methods that provoke your change. One of my clients invented for himself such a format of “provocation of development”: once or twice a month he invites the best professionals in his field of activity for lunch (“knocking” on their doors). social networks"from the street"). And in the process of this communication, he discovers for himself inspiring ideas, best practices.

3. Invest in your development

4. Create a support network

Another commandment from this case: build your own support network, don't be afraid to ask for help. Indeed, for the helper, this is one of the most pleasant and noble types of assistance - assistance in development. Do you know the story of how Steve Jobs, as a schoolboy, got on his first "computer practice"? Whom and how did Richard Branson attract, again, at school age, to cooperate in the magazine he published? Ask. And it does not matter that we, dear reader, have already overcome school age... Ask - you will be rewarded.

5. Find the meaning of change

Many changes originate on the outer contours of our lives, our organizations. And we are not always the initiators of change, in better case– participants, at worst – victims.

Fifth tip: look for the meaning of the changes for yourself (not “why do I need this”?, But “why do I need this”?). Look for opportunity and active role in the changes that invade your life. About this - in a wonderful speech by Steve Jobs to Stanford graduates (2005). If you haven't read or watched, do so. Jobs in this speech says: "It's good that I left college, it's good that I got fired from Apple." Exactly in the sense that we said above: take every change in life as a chance and an opportunity. Start doing and understanding something new.

6. Stay true to yourself

It is important to handle the energy of change carefully. I know many people who, striving to always be “ahead of change” (by the way, the title of one of the classic books on the topic “change management”), betrayed themselves, burned themselves in running around and fussing.

To one of my acquaintances, his progenitor said: “Look, you will lose yourself.” Tip #6: When changing, be mindful of your boundaries. Get out of the comfort zone, live in the development zone, but be careful with experiments in the danger zone.

7. Set a specific goal

Tip #7: Define specific purpose, albeit small, but measurable. In money, in kilometers, in minutes. For example, one sacred day off a week with your family. Visualize it. Remember the film "The Secret" and the laws formulated in it? The energy of dreams - into the image and into the goal. And, by the way, come up with a reward for yourself for achieving the goal. What will you allow yourself when you reach your goal? A long-awaited purchase? Vacation? And if you also discuss it with your “support network”?! They are capable of a lot!

8. Practice new things

Dreams do not work until we ourselves work. This is one of the negative side effects movie "The Secret": some viewers get the impression that just dreaming is enough. Eighth advice: every day or reasonable regularity. And a simple meter - for example, 10 minutes per own health but every day. There is a special kind of heroism in this regularity: I do it in any weather. And this is a powerful motive of self-respect. Enough to get involved.

9. Don't back down

And stop yourself from retreating. Ninth advice: burn bridges, take the first irreversible step. The easiest way to do this is to tell everyone about it. "WITH today I…” – and retreat, “move out” is still possible. But it's more difficult.

10. Create your own rules

And last tip: find your game and make it new habit a new way of experiencing pleasure. The book I recommend to all working people is Working as inner game" one . Its author is one of the founders of coaching, Timothy Galwey. It is about how to recognize the games that we play inside ourselves, how to create productive games while playing for fun.

Your own game of change awaits you, your new culture: to change in pleasure. Make her rules!

1 T. Galvey “Work as an internal game. Disclosure of personal potential” (Alpina Publisher, 2013).

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