Big bullies teasing small kid; Shutterstock ID 132104969

I came across an article about bullying at school(or, as it is fashionable to say now, school bullying, from eng. bullying), which caused muddled sobs in the comments, communication with a therapist and reasoning about a spherical horse in a vacuum. I, as a well-known couch analyst, decided to throw in my 5 kopecks.

Bullying at school - why and how a child is bullied

1. Any school is model social relations without the admixture of civilizational ethics. The motives for bullying a child are not important.
2. Anyone who enters such an environment is faced with the fact that environment checks you for lice. It happens at school, summer camp, in the army, at work, in a team of professionals, and rightly so.
3. The history of mankind is more than several hundred thousand years and this history of the development of a single skill - survival. All other skills are recent and more than 99% of them are directly or indirectly related to survival.
4. chances of survival so everyone has to meet the standards. Any newcomer must be tested for compliance with the standard.
5. Standard does not mean "be like everyone else". Standard means the ability to defend one's identity. If he is capable, then everyone recognizes and respects him. If he is not capable, he endured.
6. The recruitment process and the first 100 days have the same role model, only there it is called adaptation period but let's be realistic about things. The corporation creates conditions for you not for, but FOR - in order to squeeze you to the fullest. Don't match? No one will poison - just thrown out into the street. So let the kids get used to it.
7. Parents may not like it. but reality doesn't care what parents like. Therefore, when a child is faced with bullying at school, then at first it starts with provocations, and everyone watches the reaction. The bullying of the child will increase if there is a reaction of fear, resentment, i.e. a person becomes a victim because bullying is a show.
8. The show will not continue in two versions- if the object ignores, i.e. there is no expected reaction from the victim, or if the bullying becomes very expensive, such as a broken stool on the head, or a broken nose, or, for example, a broken finger. Also, a fracture of the facial bone after several blows of the said face against the wall works well.
9. Thus, going to a therapist is the worst thing a parent can do. The best thing they can do is explain to the child and teach them how to overcome their fear/feeling of inferiority.
10. How can you overcome the feeling of fear, inferiority, helplessness, impostor complex? This simple question can be easily answered by any coach, especially in a contact sport. The answer is simple - the eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing.

It usually goes like this. The child does nothing, there is no change. But, if the child begins to do, then through small victories the downtrodden person turns into a leader. An example is the sea. The psychological trick here is commitment, when a child has a reason to do something in spite of fear. By the way, fear about the other one works very well.

Why is it important? Because in 99% critical situations in life, the motive for overcoming them is the prospect of getting something terrible. As they say, a candle under your ass works better than a torch on your head.

A good coach has the one quality that parents don't have—the composure that comes from pragmatism. The coach is interested in this child showed good results because it affects his well-being. The child is, to some extent, a growth tool for the coach.

Therefore, the coach acts in cold blood. In addition, the trainer great experience transfer students to resource state which the parents do not. And finally, there is no prophet in his own country. The coach is not the one to whom it is customary to complain.

The most effective thing is to engage the child in two types of activity - creative and physical. From physical combat, and definitely with competitions, it is ideal to combine judo and contact karate.

Do you want your child to learn to live with wolves? Place it.

The problem is that we tend to avoid hurting our children, subconsciously keeping them out of situations that we think will hurt them. This has nothing to do with children. This is our fear and stupidity, because we do not give ourselves the trouble to think - what will happen next.

I'll give an example. When I was studying at Soviet school in the 80s, there was no concept of “bullying at school”, there was a cruel survival school. In our class there was Edik Tkach, smart jewish boy. Edik was the smallest and smallest, but all attempts to poison him stopped after the second grade, because he just started to fight. His classmates were all twice his size, i.e. he physically could not win, they beat him, but then everyone fled.

Imagine a little beast, covered in blood, with burning eyes of a killer, which is steadily striving towards you, towards your throat. You beat her, throw her against the battery, but she gets up like a zombie and rushes at you again. Oh, hatred is the best energy for tired muscles, and after 5-6 attempts it becomes not funny to you, and after 9 you start looking for where to hide, but this does not help, and the whole class tries to keep Edik while you sit in class.

And then the teacher comes, he calms everyone, Edik nods, wipes his nose from the blood, and as soon as the teacher turns away, he throws a chair at you and rushes to you again. And it all ends only when Edik is locked in the director's office, his parents are called, and the next day you don't really want to go to school, but there is nowhere to go.

You come to class, everyone sits down, 5 minutes pass, and Edik comes in, all in a band-aid with a broken face. There is a pause and everyone sees that Edik is looking at you, and then he takes a step ... The teacher rushes helplessly, but ...

Continuation in the next series =)

See hunting ... Dictionary of Russian synonyms and expressions similar in meaning. under. ed. N. Abramova, M .: Russian dictionaries, 1999. persecution rut, chasing; persecution, hunting; chase, persecution; nausea, vomiting, harassment, witch hunt, witch hunt, ... ... Synonym dictionary

bullying- Hounding, rutting, chasing ... Dictionary-thesaurus of synonyms of Russian speech

- (inosk.) deliberately malicious persecution of whom (by many), with a hint of persecution of animals. Wed To poison to persecute. Wed I warn you in advance that I will put your bills under wraps and will not poison you with them. A. A. Sokolov. Secret. 10. Wed… … Michelson's Big Explanatory Phraseological Dictionary (original spelling)

PICK 1, bully, poison; etched; nesov. Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov. S.I. Ozhegov, N.Yu. Shvedova. 1949 1992 ... Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov

bullying- HURT, and, well. Nausea, vomiting … Dictionary of Russian Argo

This term has other meanings, see Bullying (meanings). The use of a pack of dogs in hunting for deer baiting. Harassment persecution of the victim by a pack. In the animal kingdom, some predators attack the prey in a flock. Harassment ... ... Wikipedia

bullying- real bullying... Dictionary of Russian Idioms

bullying- persecution began - action, subject, beginning ... Verbal compatibility of non-objective names

- (inosk.) deliberately vicious persecution of whom (by many), with a hint of persecution of animals Cf. Herbs to pursue. Wed I warn you in advance that I will put your bills under a bushel and will not poison you with them. A.A. Sokolov. Secret. 10. Wed. A real threat... ... Michelson's Big Explanatory Phraseological Dictionary

G. 1. Hunting with greyhounds or birds of prey. 2. Special inciting dogs on a captured bear, wolf, etc. 3. trans. Turning someone against someone. 4. trans. Destruction of someone by attacks, nit-picking, persecution. ... ... Modern dictionary Russian language Efremova

Books

• Harassment, Filipenko, Sasha. A new book Sasha Filipenko "Hurting" - about the collision of two worlds. One world belongs to the strong and influential people, for another, those who stand on the side of justice have to fight. Alone…
• Harassment, Filipenko Sasha. Sasha Filipenko, as always (read " ex son"and" Ideas "), relevant, observant, witty and - concise. He again managed to pack a full-length action-packed into a small book ...

Someone remembers the school with nostalgia, someone - with horror. The latter arises not because of poor conditions or a boring program, but because of school bullying.

Bullying, or bullying (English bullying) - aggressive persecution of one of the members of the team (especially the team of schoolchildren and students, but also colleagues) by the rest of the team members or part of it. In bullying, the victim is unable to defend himself from attacks, so bullying differs from a conflict where the forces of the parties are approximately equal.

Don't confuse bullying with not having hundreds of friends. The child may be withdrawn, lonely or unpopular. But he shouldn't be a victim. The difference is in regular and conscious aggression towards the child.

Relatively recently, cyberbullying has also appeared - this is emotional pressure, only on the Internet, especially in social networks.

How often does it occur?

Much more often than it seems. 30% of people aged 5 to 14 have experienced violence. This is 6.5 million people (according to 2011 data) Sherengi, F. E. Violence at school against children and adolescents under the age of 14.. Of these, one-fifth is school violence. The number is not just big, it is huge.

How dangerous is school bullying?

In addition to the fact that bullying can take the form of physical violence, that is, lead to injuries, it can also be psychological, emotional. Its tracks are harder to spot, but it is no less dangerous.

Bullying destroys a person's self-esteem. The object of bullying forms complexes. The child begins to believe that he deserved bad attitude to yourself.

Bullying interferes with learning, because the child has no time for classes: he would have to survive at school. Bullying forms anxiety disorders, phobias, depression National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Understanding School Violence..

And not a single person who has gone through the rejection of the team will ever forget this. Subsequently negative attitude to life in the classroom can go to any community at all, which means problems with communication in adulthood.

Who is at risk?

Actually everything. For bullying, they are looking for a reason, something that makes the child different from others (in any direction). These can be physical disabilities, health problems, poor academic performance, glasses, hair color or eye shape, lack of fashionable clothes or expensive gadgets, even an incomplete family. Closed children often suffer, who have few friends, children at home who do not know how to communicate in a team, and in general, everyone whose behavior does not look like the behavior of the offender.

It is useless to correct any features that have become the reason. Those who poison, if desired, can get to the bottom of the lamppost.

And who actually poisons?

There are two completely opposite types of attackers.

• Popular kids, kings and queens with their school retinue, leaders who control other kids.
• Asocial, left out of the collective students who are trying to take the position of kings, collecting their own court.

A separate type of aggressors are adult school employees. Usually teachers.

Why are they being poisoned?

Because they can. If you ask already grown up bullies why they were bullying, as a rule, they answer that they did not understand that they were doing something wrong. Someone is looking for excuses for their behavior, explaining that the victim received "for the cause."

Researchers come to the conclusion that the source of bullying is not in the personality of the victim or offender, but in the principle by which classes are formed. Peter Grey. GraySchool Bullying: A Tragic Cost of Undemocratic Schools..

Children in schools are collected on the basis of one attribute - the year of birth. Naturally, such a group would never have formed. Therefore, conflicts are inevitable: children are forced to communicate with those who are imposed on them, without the right to choose.

The situation at the school is reminiscent of the situation in a prison: people are forcibly driven into one room, and people who are not less tightly controlled should follow them.

Bullying is both an opportunity to establish one's power in such an unnatural team, and the unification of offenders into a cohesive group. And in any group, responsibility for actions is eroded, that is, children receive psychological indulgence for any actions. Ruland, E. How to stop bullying at school..

There is only one required condition, without which bullying is impossible: connivance on the part of teachers or tacit approval of such behavior.

So it's the teachers' fault?

No. The thing is, teachers don't see bullying. Attackers know how to be quiet, pretend to be goodies and mock the victim when no one notices. But the victim, as a rule, does not differ in such cunning. And if he gives an answer, he catches the eye of the teachers.

Bottom line: the teacher sees how the student violates the order, but does not see what was the reason for this.

Although the problem cannot be denied. Many adults believe that children will figure it out on their own, that it is better not to interfere, that the object of bullying is "to blame." And sometimes the teacher does not have enough experience, qualifications (or conscience) to stop bullying.

How do you know if a child is being attacked?

Children are often silent about their problems: they are afraid that the intervention of adults will exacerbate the conflict, that adults will not understand and will not support. There are several signs by which bullying can be suspected.

• Bruises and scratches that the child cannot explain.
• Lies in response to the question of where the injuries came from: the child cannot come up with an explanation, says that he does not remember how the bruises appeared.
• Often "lost" things, broken appliances, missing jewelry or clothes.
• The child looks for an excuse not to go to school, pretends to be sick, he often suddenly gets sick in the head or stomach.
• Change in eating behavior. Especially it is necessary to pay attention to cases when the child does not eat at school.
• Night terrors, insomnia.
• Poor academic performance, loss of interest in studies.
• Quarrels with old friends or loneliness low self-esteem, constant depression.
• Runaways, self-harm and other destructive behaviors.

How to stop bullying?

In fact, none of the researchers can give a recipe for how to stop bullying. It should be taken into account that if bullying has begun at school, it is impossible to fix the problem at the “victim-attacker” level, because this is ineffective. You need to work with the whole team, because there are always more than two participants in bullying Petranovskaya, L. Bullying in the children's team..

The whole class and teachers are witnesses who are also affected by the unfolding drama. They also take part in the process, albeit as observers.

The only way to really stop bullying is to create a normal healthy team at school.

This is helped by joint assignments, group work on projects, extra-curricular activities in which everyone participates.

The main thing to do is to call bullying bullying, violence, to indicate that the actions of the aggressors have been noticed and that this must be stopped. So everything that offenders find cool will be exposed in a different light. And this should be done either by the class teacher, or the head teacher, or the director.

How to respond to aggression?

Discuss all bullying with your child so that he can respond to the bully's actions. As a rule, scenarios are repeated: name-calling, petty sabotage, threats, physical violence.

In each case, the victim needs to act in a way that the aggressors do not expect.

Always respond to insults, but calmly, without rolling into reciprocal abuse. For example, say: "I'm talking to you politely." If the child saw that someone spoiled his things, you need to inform the teacher about it, so that the offenders hear: “Maria Alexandrovna, there is chewing gum on my chair, someone ruined the school furniture.” If they try to beat you or drag you away, if you can’t run away, you need to shout loudly: “Help! Fire!". Unusual. But letting yourself be beaten is worse.

Since the methods of bullying are varied, the answers will be individual. Can't figure out how to be? Ask the psychologists who should be in every school.

What can be done about offenders?

There are few options. If a child is beaten, you need to go to the emergency room, undergo a medical examination, report to the police and go to court for damages. Parents and the school will be responsible for illegal acts. The offenders themselves are responsible only after 16 years (for serious harm to health - after 14) Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. .

But if bullying is only emotional, prove something and attract law enforcement Not sure it's going to happen. You need to immediately go to class teacher, and if the teacher denies the problem - to the head teacher, director, in RONO, City government education. The task of the school is to organize the very psychological work within a class or multiple classes to stop the violence.

If I intervene, won't it get worse?

It won't. Bullying is not an isolated conflict. There may be many. If a child has been bullied, he already cannot cope with aggression on their own.

The worst policy is to decide that the child will deal with the problems himself.

Some people really do it. And many break. It can even lead to suicide. Do you want to check on your child whether he is lucky or not?

How to support a child?

• If there is already bullying, then this is a reason to turn to a psychologist, and the whole family should deal with it at once. If a child takes the position of a victim in the family, then the same thing will happen at school.
• Show that you are always on the side of the child and are ready to help him, deal with difficulties to the very end, even if it is not easy. No offers to endure difficult period should not be.
• Try to destroy fear. The child is afraid of both offenders and teachers who can punish him for violating the norms of behavior if he fights back or complains. Tell him that his self-respect is more important than the opinions of classmates and teachers.
• If your child does not have enough opportunities for self-affirmation at school, find such opportunities for him. Let him show himself in hobbies, sports, extra classes. You need to instill confidence in him. This requires practical confirmation of its significance, that is, achievements.
• Do whatever you can to help raise your child's self-esteem. This is separate topic. Search the entire Internet, re-read all the literature on this topic, talk to experts. Everything for the child to believe in himself and in his abilities.

What can't be said?

Sometimes parents take a position where their help becomes harmful. Some phrases will only make things worse.

“You yourself are to blame”, “you behave like this”, “you provoke them”, “you are being bullied for something”. It's not the child's fault. And each of us can find differences from others, shortcomings. This does not mean that everyone can be poisoned. Blaming the victim and looking for the reasons for bullying means justifying the offenders. So you will take the side of the enemies of your child.

There is an opinion that there is a special victim behavior, that is, a victim pattern that is impossible not to attack. Even so, this is not a reason to make a child a scapegoat. It's just not possible - period.

"Do not pay attention". Bullying is the grossest invasion of personal space, it is impossible not to react to this. At some point, the offenders may indeed fall behind. It is not a fact that by this time at least something will remain of the self-esteem and self-esteem of the child.

"Give 'em back". Risky advice that endangers the child's health and escalates the conflict. If the victim tries to clumsily resist, bullying only intensifies.

“What are you doing, he’s bad!”. These or similar words trying to calm the attackers. Do not try to reach out to those who bully by explaining that the victim is bad. So you only prove that the victim is weak, and the offenders are strong, that is, confirm their position.

Should I transfer my child to another school?

A popular position is that transferring a child to another class or school is an unsuccessful measure, because the same thing will happen in the new place. It is better to teach the child to behave in a new way so that he tempers his character and can fight back.

Not really. As we have already found out, bullying begins where the child does not have the right to choose a team. Anyone can become a potential victim. And bullying is impossible if teaching staff knows how to stop bullying at the very beginning.

That is, a transition to another team (for example, to a school where subjects close to the child are studied in depth) or to another teacher can correct the situation.

If the problem cannot be solved, if teachers at school turn a blind eye to bullying, if the child is afraid to go to school, then change it.

And then, in a new place and with renewed vigor, go to a psychologist and teach your child moral stamina.

Is my child doing well, is he in danger of bullying?

Let's hope not, and that your child will not be either a victim or an aggressor. But just in case, remember:

• Bullying is a common phenomenon that has always been.
• Bullying grows where it is grown: in a team where too different children are gathered without common goals and interests. Anyone can become a victim, because we are all different from others in some way.
• Children do not always tell their parents about bullying, but it is difficult to solve the problem without the intervention of adults. It is necessary to eliminate bullying in the whole class at once, to work with teachers and psychologists.
• The main thing is to save children's self-esteem so that it does not result in serious psychological problems in adulthood.
• If the school staff pretend that nothing is happening, look for another school.

What such bullying, as and why she is arises in school? What are its signs and character? Finally, as deal with bullying in children's team? About this and many friend tells Ludmila Petranovskaya, deserved teacher Russia, psychologist, laureate President's Prize Russian Federations in areas education.

In 1983, the film Scarecrow by Rolan Bykov, based on the novel of the same name by Vladimir Zheleznikov, was released on Soviet screens. The picture posed a problem that has always existed, but which was not customary to talk about in the Soviet Union. The film was about bullying, about the self-affirmation of a group of classmates at the expense of systematic humiliation individual person and belated remorse. But if thirty years ago this phenomenon seemed to many a terrible, egregious and exceptional, rare teenage disease, today “bullying” (as psychologists call it) is becoming pressing problem children's groups up to elementary school.

According to research, many have been bullied at least once in their childhood and have been psychologically traumatized by the situation. At the same time, some preferred to remain silent and withdraw, others asked for help, but in most cases they heard from adults: “figure it out yourself, learn to build relationships.” Neither the first nor the second option can be called acceptable, so we will risk understanding the problem and look for solutions.

howarisesbullying?

First of all, bullying is an age-related phenomenon. At a certain age (11-12 years), the child needs to realize himself through opposition to others. There is a desire to belong to something greater and a sense of group cohesion is vital. And if some are united by a common cause and interest - a circle of ecologists, archaeologists, journalists (and therefore bullying is an extremely rare occurrence in such groups), then bullying occurs quite often at a school or summer camp, where children are simply gathered together. There is none here common purpose, no ideas, because sooner or later a discovery happens: it turns out that you can rally against someone.

In addition to the feeling of special ecstasy, prowess and fun, which is now remembered by adults, once former members bullying, they talk about a sense of comfort. The fact is that self-confidence is the destiny of more middle age. Young children, as a rule, do not have a formed self-esteem. Because more baby not sure of himself, the more dependent on the opinions of others, the more likely that he will actively participate in bullying.

Such children are terribly afraid that someone will “sharpen” their shortcomings. They go out of their way to redirect attention, including aggression, to someone else.

Of course not last place in a situation of bullying, he takes the position of an adult, the leader of a children's team. Before adolescence children are guided primarily by the authority of an adult. If he does not accept bullying, it will not happen. Unfortunately, today teachers increasingly consider the atmosphere in the classroom to be none of their business. And even if they want to somehow influence the situation, they cannot do it competently. AT pedagogical universities that is not taught.

It is even worse when the teacher himself provokes bullying, for example, by disliking some student, or, which often happens, considering emotional abuse way to keep children in line. Sometimes adults set the bullying situation unwittingly. For example, a favorite way for physical education teachers to pass a lesson is a relay race. It's fun for everyone, it's easy for the teacher. But it turns out to be bad for unsportsmanlike children. They get it for "letting the team down". If the teacher does not monitor and does not work with the situation in any way, but, on the contrary, stirs up competitive excitement, then bullying is inevitable.

Once the group has designated a scapegoat and a pathological dynamic has developed, it becomes sustainable. Taste the taste of violence children's team unable to stop. And if children are left to their own devices, things can go very far. High level spilled in society aggression only contributes to this.

Alas, the reaction to bullying, as a rule, is also aggressive. Adults themselves advise the child to “hit back”, or try to scare, or even physically influence the offenders. It helps, but only "here and now." In fact, the problem remains unresolved and generates new ones. After all, often the child who hit back is himself to blame, or even crippled. Not to mention the fact that a person who begins to fight fiercely inevitably changes internally.

Seven"not", orWhatnotshouldmake

In most cases, bullying can be stopped. The main thing is not to aggravate the situation. So what should not be done?

In- first, You can never wait for bullying to stop on its own. The fact is that the brain of a child is an immature organ. Children generally have a poorly developed ability to resist group pressure. That is why adults are obliged to set moral guidelines for children.

rather give food for new antics and exacerbate the situation. Now any advantages of the victim in the eyes of the group, captured by the excitement of persecution, will be instantly turned into disadvantages. Won the Olympiad - "nerd". Helped someone - "sneak". He made a wonderful drawing - "artist-mazil-piss-Levitan." In such an atmosphere neither interest nor respect will sprout. First, the violence must be stopped. Only then can one begin to educate respectful attitude to a classmate.

In- second, there is no need to justify bullying by saying, for example, “he really is not like everyone else,” or “now the children have gone very cruel.” The bullying that this particular child is suffering from today must stop. And that's it. This is not a subject for scientific reasoning. This is a matter of morality and human rights. If he is at least three times “not like that”, you can’t poison.

If an adult does not have it firm conviction if instead of concrete action in ecstasy from his own insight, he will begin to "analyze the origins", the persecution will continue.

AT- third, bullying and unpopularity should not be confused. Bullying is group, emotional and/or physical abuse. It is with this violence capital letter grown-ups should fight. It should also be borne in mind that, by drawing the attention of the group to the virtues of the “victim”, trying to increase her rating special assignments, stories of success, such teachers

AT- fourth, bullying is not just a problem for the one being bullied. Overcome bullying with “heart-to-heart talks” and “ individual work psychologist" with a victim, whether with aggressors, it is impossible. After all, bullying is a disease of the group, from which they suffer, in the end, all members of this group. And a victim who has experienced humiliation, rejection and insecurity. And the witnesses who stood aside, pretending that nothing special was happening. At this very time, they received the experience of powerlessness before the power of the mob and shame for their own cowardice.

Finally, the persecutors also suffer. The feeling of impunity and the illusion of rightness lead not only to coarsening of feelings - they make it impossible to have subtle and soul relationship with anyone.

Bullying is a problem for the entire group put together. She is an energy devourer, depriving the team of strength for everything else, including study.

AT- fifth, Bullying should not be considered a personal issue. Alas, there is an opinion that the victim herself is to blame for everything, because she is “like that” (in a negative way: stupid, ugly, conflict, or in a positive way: gifted, non-standard, “indigo”). It's a myth that you have to be crazy to be the victim.

Anyone can become a scapegoat. It doesn't matter what it is: glasses, freckles, weight, academic performance, national or religious affiliation, or financial position families - everything can be a reason for bullying. In this case, the same child in one group will be his own, in another - an outcast.

But one should not reduce the cause of bullying to the qualities of those who bully. Of course, the initiators are often children internally, spiritually not the most prosperous. However, practice shows that even notorious poisoners, accidentally finding themselves with a victim, for example, in line at a children's clinic, will communicate peacefully. Changing the position of an adult can stop bullying in one day, although it is clear that the personal problems of children will not go anywhere so quickly.

It is useless to put pressure on pity. This is sixth"not", which should be learned by adults. Attempts to explain to the aggressors that the victim is bad, the call to show sympathy only strengthen the latter in the position of the strong, who wants - "executes", and wants - "pardons". In addition, it further humiliates the victim, demonstrating her helplessness.

Finally, last thing. A big mistake is to accept the rules of the game of poisoners, to try to choose between victimhood and aggression: either “they beat me and will always beat me, because I am weak,” or “they won’t beat me for anything, I’m strong and I’ll beat myself.” Despite the seemingly obvious difference, both positions are similar. They are both based on the belief that "the strong beat the weak". When an adult offers a child: “think about what you yourself are to blame for” - this is tantamount to a call for surrender. When he offers to “strike back so that it is disrespectful”, then, at a minimum, he offers to give a damn about his own safety and become brutalized. It happens that the elders call for a complete renunciation of own feelings(pay no attention!), learn to hide your inner feelings behind a mask of indifference. But in the first, and in the second, and in the third case, the adult, in fact, identifies with bullying as a phenomenon and leaves the child alone with it.

Bullying must be fought. But to fight not with specific stupid children, but with harassment as violence, a disease of the group. We need to fight the rules of the game, according to which "the strong have the right to beat the weak." So what can be done?

namethingstheirnames

The fact is that children often do not realize what they are doing. For ourselves own actions they innocently designate it like this: "we tease him", "we play like that" or "we don't like him". From an adult who has taken responsibility for resolving the situation (be it a teacher, school psychologist, camp counselor, coach or head teacher), children must learn the true name of things.

Namely: when a person is deliberately brought to tears, teased consistently and systematically, when his things are taken away, hidden and spoiled, when his things are pushed, pinched and beaten, when they are called names and emphatically ignored - this is called “bullying”. And this is unacceptable. It happens that naming a phenomenon in a categorical form is enough for it to disappear immediately.

It is very important that an adult be unambiguous in his assessment. Talking about how people can be different, like each other more or less, but that's no reason to gnaw at each other like spiders in a jar. But this conversation should not be a notation, because children feel sincerity and do not perceive moralizing well.

Bullyingasgeneraltrouble

When people are accused of something, they instinctively defend themselves. At this moment, they are not interested in whether they are right or not, the main thing is to justify themselves. Children are no exception. This is especially true of the instigators, because they are those who themselves are absolutely unable to endure shame and guilt (that's why they poison).

The first thing adults hear in response to a reproach for bullying is “Why is he? And we are nothing ... And this is not me. Arguing about facts, looking for someone to blame, figuring out who said what to whom and why is pointless. It is necessary to designate bullying as a disease of the group. And say so: “There are diseases that affect not people, but classes, companies. It's like if a person does not wash his hands, then he risks catching an infection and getting sick. If the group does not follow the purity of relations, then it becomes ill with violence. This is bad, sad and harmful to all of us. And since we are in the same boat, then we have a common problem. Let's get treated together so that we have a healthy, friendly form". Such a statement from an adult will not only save face for the instigators, it will help to remove tension and opposition between victims-rapists-witnesses.

Nastyducklingagainstavianyard

The main task that adults face is to be able to get children out of the “packing” excitement, to help them evaluate what is happening from a moral point of view. For this there is a simple psychological reception: Invite the children to rate their personal contribution to the class illness called bullying. Let one point mean “I never participate in this”, two points - “sometimes I join, but then I regret”, three points - “I poisoned, bullied and will poison; that's great." Ask everyone to simultaneously point on their fingers how many points they would give themselves. Most likely, even the most inveterate aggressors will not have “triples”.

Do not try to accuse children in response, on the contrary, play along with them with the words: “How glad I am, my heart is relieved. None of you think that poisoning is good and right. Even those who did it later regretted it. That’s great, so it won’t be hard for us to heal our class.” Such a moral assessment of bullying becomes not external, imposed by adults, on the contrary, it is given by children, and soon the situation corrects itself.

And even if the group is mired in the pleasure of violence, and the confrontation is even more violent, just remind the children of the tale of " ugly duckling". “Reading this tale, as a rule, we think about the main character, about the duckling, - with these words, refer to the children. - We feel sorry for him. We are following his fate with genuine interest and tension, we sympathize and worry. But for now, I want us to think about chickens and ducks in the poultry yard. With a duck, everything will be fine in the future. He will fly away with the swans. And they? They will remain stupid and vicious, unable to sympathize or, alas, to fly. When a situation arises in the classroom, like the one that happened in the poultry yard, everyone has to determine their place: who is he in this story? Are there any of you who want to be stupid evil chickens? What is your choice?

Once the choice is made, the state of affairs should be consolidated. It is useful not only to announce new rules for the life of the group, but also to fix them on paper: “We don’t sort things out with the kulaks. They don't insult each other. They do not look indifferently when two people fight. They are separated ... ”- here is an approximate list. Ideally, if everyone puts their signature under the rules, as evidence and agreement to abide by them. The violator will always be able to indicate his name in the list.

But do not think that the problem will be solved immediately. If the situation is not monitored, it will continue to smolder, and, like a peat swamp, is capable of starting a fire at any moment.

The adult responsible for stopping bullying should check in regularly, offer help, and provide valuable guidance. It would be useful to introduce a “bullying counter” - some kind of vessel or board, where everyone who got it today, who saw something similar to violence, can put a pebble or stick a button. By the number of buttons, it is easy to determine how much the current day was better than the previous one. Put on performances, make collages about the “recovery chronicle”, keep a “temperature chart” with the children. It is important for the group to feel the interest of an authoritative adult. This is what helps the team to continue to consider the victory over bullying a common cause.

And only when the situation has been brought into a healthy direction, the teacher should think about the question of the popularity of each individual student. The longer the group has to live in this composition, the more important it is to help each member of the team get recognition, discover and present their ability and usefulness for the group, for example, it’s best to laugh or score goals, draw or count in your head ... And the more diverse and meaningful the activity is, the healthier the group will be. foma.ru

(Anastasia Melikhova, 15 years old)
I will not let myself be offended Isaac Lerner, educator)
Psychology of School Violence: Aggressors and Outsiders ( Evgeny Grebenkin, candidate psychological sciences )
Psychology of school violence ( Psychologists Zinovieva N. O., Mikhailova N. F.)
Don't be afraid of school! ( Andrey Kochergin)