If we peer into ourselves and try to see our inclinations, then we can easily notice that we have an already developed habit - condemnation.
Priests, confessing people, very rarely meet a person who could say: "I am alien to condemnation." It's nice to hear, but such a state is rather an exception ...

Judgment is a manifestation of our pride, which we assign to ourselves the opportunity to judge another person. Self-exaltation is characteristic of every person, it is deeply instilled in all of us. The feeling of complacency, self-worth always warms us from the inside: “He is so handsome, good, and I am even more beautiful and better!” - and immediately we feel warm at heart. Everything pleasant that we hear in our address pleases us, but just say something contrary to our opinion about ourselves ... oh, my brother! Some even become furious with such: “What did you tell me ?!” A sense of self-worth can be a strong incentive to achieve many heights, this is a powerful engine! But still, we know that he works on the energies of the flesh, the earth. And we know that Scripture says: “God opposes the proud”…

The feeling of self-love cannot be overcome, it is very strong. And if a person does not fight him, does not reject him from himself, then naturally he needs to judge others from the height of his conceit: “I am so high and perfect, but around me I don’t see perfection, therefore I have the right to reason and hang "labels" on others. And now people are trying to get together, talk, discuss how that one lives, like this one. And they themselves do not notice how they begin to condemn, at the same time they justify themselves: "I do not condemn, I reason." But in such reasoning there is always a tendency to depict a person in gloomy, dark colors.

So we begin to take upon ourselves what does not belong to us - judgment. And most of the time, we don't do it openly. For example, let's look at someone and think to ourselves: "Yeah, this person is of such and such a sort, is in such a mood." This is a slippery slope and an erroneous opinion!

***

There is a lot in Scripture deep expression: For which man knows what is in a man, except the spirit of man that dwells in him? (1 Cor 2:11). And again: So no one knows God except (1 Corinthians 2:12). By this, the Lord immediately determines the depth that is characteristic of the individual. You can't really know a person! Even if you thoroughly examine his biography, there is still a lot of innermost in him that only he himself is able to experience and feel.

If there is no such depth in the approach to a person, then all our judgments are rather superficial. Therefore, the Lord directly says: Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not feel the beam in your eye? Or, how can you say to your brother: brother! let me take the speck out of your eye, when you yourself don't see the log in your eye? Hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see how to take the speck out of your brother's eye (Luke 6:41-42).

From the outside, we can imagine a person in any light, but truly, deeply know him is given only to himself - if, of course, he tests himself, if he wants to know himself, and not just as one of millions, but himself before the face of God. Because when we evaluate ourselves differently - in the face of other people or based on our own opinion- it seems to us: yes, we really are some special, worthy, and certainly not criminals. As the Pharisee said, “I am not like other men. I keep the law of God, I fast, I give tithes. It naturally "splashes" out of us. And testifies that we do not have profound knowledge About Me.

***

Judgment is a very serious sin. Knowledge, knowledge of a person about himself and about God - it seems to me that this is the source of non-judgment. It is given either by grace, or as a result of achievement, inner deed. And condemnation occurs because, on the one hand, we are not inclined to a deep knowledge of ourselves, and on the other hand, we have not reached the level of repentance.

Looking into yourself is the beginning of the spiritual process. Conscience gives a person knowledge about himself, and seeing himself, he sometimes even comes to hatred: “I hate myself like that! I don't like myself!" Yes, you have approached the knowledge of yourself, it is bitter, but this knowledge is perhaps the most important, the most essential in life. Because here is the starting point of repentance, an opportunity for the rebirth of one's mind, a qualitative change in one's attitude towards oneself and the whole world, and above all, towards one's Creator and Creator.

Why is it said that there is more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over a hundred righteous who have no need of repentance? Because it is difficult, but necessary, to come to this understanding: “It turns out that by my nature I am no different from others, my nature is from the old Adam, I am the same by nature as my brother.”

But we do not want to know ourselves, to examine ourselves with a searching eye, because this will require next step- search for an answer to the question: “Why is it so in me?” The carnal opposes the spiritual; this is the law of internal warfare. Therefore, people choose a more natural and seemingly simple way - to look around, to judge others, and not about themselves. They don't realize that it does them a lot of damage...

***

Seeing the light, a person begins to understand that God does not condemn anyone. The Gospel of John directly states this: For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through him (John 3:16-17). Associated with the Messiah is the notion that He will be clothed royal authority and he will come to judge the nations, as one having judgment that is truly divine. But then suddenly it turns out that God did not come to judge us, but to save us! This mystery is really amazing, it is amazing for us! And if God does not judge us, then who can judge?

Therefore, condemnation is an erroneous attitude of our consciousness, an erroneous idea that we have power. And if God Himself refuses this power? Scripture says the Father gave judgment to the Son, and the Son says, "I did not come to judge you."

But at the same time, the Lord does not hide the fact that there will be a righteous Judgment, which, as Lermontov wrote, "is not accessible to the ringing of gold." God will reveal himself, and in this manifestation all creation will see itself as it is. Now the Lord is hiding Himself because of our infirmities, our imperfection, but when the full revelation of God comes, then there will be nothing to hide. The books of conscience will unfold, everything secret will be revealed, and a person will give an answer for his every word. And then the Lord says: Whoever rejects Me and does not receive My words has a judge for himself: the word that I have spoken, it will judge him at the last day (John 12:48). He shows that our idea of ​​the court as some kind of extraordinary, superpersonal, authoritative trial - as in our earthly courts, when a whole panel of judges gathers, considers huge volumes on the case and makes a decision - is not entirely correct. God doesn't decide. It gives freedom, always gives a person the opportunity to improve: depart from unhealthy norms that bring neither you nor people joy. Thus, a person is completely free to choose.

They say it's hard to fall under a human court, because people can be very cruel in their judgments, fundamentally cruel: they sentenced you - that's it, and try to change yourself in the eyes of the public! But God's judgment is merciful, because the Lord wants to justify a person: I do not want the death of the sinner, but that the sinner turn from his way and live (Ezekiel 33:11).

***

It is difficult for us not to cross the line between condemnation of a person and condemnation of an act! But it is said: do not judge the personality of a person, do not judge him as the image and likeness of God. The Holy Spirit does not accept when we arrogate to ourselves the power to judge others harshly. Yes, let his bad, ugly act be worthy of condemnation, but you don’t judge the person himself as a person! He can correct himself tomorrow, go the way of repentance, become different - such an opportunity is not taken away from a person until the last breath. We do not know to the end either the Providence of God about him, or how dear he is to God - after all, Christ shed His blood for everyone, redeemed everyone and did not condemn anyone. Therefore, we simply do not have the right to judge ourselves!

Yes, Christ dispersed the merchants at the temple with a whip, but this is not a condemnation, but volitional action against lawlessness. Scripture says: Jealousy for your house consumes me (John 2:17). Similar examples and meet in our lives. When we see that someone's actions go beyond the spiritual and moral framework, that someone tells people a lot of evil, then, of course, we can react, call to order, pull the person up: “What are you doing? Come to your senses! See what that means in itself."

But such is our nature distorted by sin that negative emotions they immediately ask to come out in any situation, for no reason: you just look at a person, and you already measure him, evaluate his external merits - but you have to stop yourself. Judge not, lest you be judged, for with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with what measure you measure, it will be measured to you (Mt 7:1-2) - these words of the Lord at any time, in any place should be a reminder to us. A lot of sobriety is needed here. And adherence to principles: “No, Lord, You are the One Judge, You are the One Lover of mankind, You do not want death for anyone and did not utter words of condemnation even over the most terrible sinners. Even being crucified, You prayed: “Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.”

***

I remember I had such a parishioner, from the common people, who said: “Father, God will have mercy on everyone, forgive everyone, I believe that everyone will be saved!” She, out of the kindness of her heart, did not want to judge anyone and believed that all people have something good to learn from. Such an attitude is achieved by sobriety of the mind, when the soul is nourished true examples, gospel. Yes, and anyone who prays every day, reads Scripture - a special attitude, a special mood! Those who have felt the grace feel God's love for everyone, therefore they do not want to accept any malicious attacks or caustic feelings towards others.

We Christians have a tough example of people in this regard. high spirituality. They loved everyone, pitied everyone, did not condemn anyone, and even vice versa: the weaker a person, the more visible shortcomings he has, the more attention and love the saints showed to such people; they appreciated them very much, because they saw that the truth would reach them, because they were prepared for this by their very hard life. And pride, on the contrary, will always find terrible judgments that are ready to depersonalize any person.

“Everyone is bad and everything is bad!” - this is the spirit of pride, the demonic spirit, this is the narrowing of our heart. It sets in motion such mechanics from which people themselves suffer. Any condemnation is the introduction of some kind of darkness into oneself. In the Gospel of John the Theologian there are such words: He who believes in Him is not judged, and the unbeliever is already condemned, because he did not believe in the name of the Only Begotten Son of God. The judgment is that light has come into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, because their deeds were evil (John 3:18-19). By judging, a person violates the spiritual law of life in God and immediately receives a notice that he has sinned grievously. How many times has this happened: someone prayed, asked God for mercy, forgiveness, and the Lord gave him - and the person left the service renewed! But he met someone on the way from the temple, and the condemnation went: and you are so-and-so, and he is just such. All. He lost everything he had just gained! And many holy fathers say: just looked askance at someone, accepted a bad thought about a person - immediately grace leaves you. She does not tolerate condemnation, which is completely opposite to the spirit of the gospel.

***

How to deal with condemnation? First, I have this advice: if you have sinned in thought, immediately repent mentally. He thought something bad about his relative, about his friend, caught himself on this: “What kind of thoughts? Why am I like this? Lord, forgive me for this momentary manifestation! I do not want it".

Second: when inner feeling encourages you to give negative evaluation to someone, you immediately turn to yourself: are you free from this shortcoming? Or do you know nothing about yourself, for which you could be reproached? And - you will feel that you are the same as the one you are ready to condemn!

In ancient times there was still such a "golden" rule. When you struggle with a feeling of indignation and you can’t understand why this person did this, then put yourself in his position, in his place, and this person in yours. And immediately you will become much clearer! This is very sobering. Here I stood in the position of another: “My God, how many difficulties he has in life! There are difficulties in the family, there is no understanding with the wife, with children ... Indeed, it’s difficult for him, the poor one!

The Holy Fathers have another rule. Do you want to judge someone? And put Christ in your place. Will the Lord judge? But even when He was crucified, Christ did not condemn anyone, on the contrary, He suffered for everyone. So why did I suddenly imagine myself above God, put myself as a judge?

***

Judgment can be avoided in any case. Because a person is arranged in such a way that he can always protect the personality of another, not put a stigma on him, but immediately go through reasoning: “I know how wonderful he is, how many difficulties he had, and he endured everything.”

Judgment is a heart that's misaligned. So I meet a man, and instead of joy, I have thoughts: “Aha, he’s coming with a cigarette again” or “He’s tipsy again, so-and-so.” There are no good motivations that should be. On the way there is a temptation to condemn - you can't get anywhere! But before the stream of judgmental thoughts pours out, I must first put myself in my place and give place to prudence.

I like the saying of a contemporary Greek ascetic, monk Paisios the Holy Mountaineer: Modern man must be "factory good thoughts"". Gotta be ready personality to accept and understand a person: yes, it’s hard for him, he got into difficult circumstances, his life broke him, but still there is something good, whole in him, something that makes it possible not to exclude him from among decent, good people . The internal development of such good thoughts, the acceptance of any person, in any capacity, no matter how he looks and behaves - as a protective environment, it will not allow the heart to accept the evil, destructive area of ​​\u200b\u200bman. But you are destroying your neighbor in your soul when you give him a bad characterization.

The man himself is wonderful! As one ascetic said, if we knew how beautiful the human soul is, we would be surprised and would not condemn anyone. Because the human soul is truly magnificent. But it will open up - as it always happens in all our fairy tales - at the last moment ...

arch. Georgy Breev

If you have already read my article about how good and even useful it is not to criticize others, I offer you a publication that is a kind of continuation of the topic of criticism. This article is devoted to gossip, their causes and consequences.

Anyone who has ever wondered why people gossip must have come to the conclusion that main reason gossip - boring, undifferentiated own life in which nothing special happens every day. If a person lives highly efficiently, knows how to work efficiently and fully relax, he simply will not have any time, energy, or desire for gossip.

According to Ozhegov's dictionary, gossip is understood as rumors about someone or something, based on deliberately false, inaccurate and unverified information. Based on the presented interpretation, the conclusion is very obvious that gossip (in many, but, by the way, not in all cases) is the result of such a negative phenomenon as envy. If a person is envious of others, feels that he is inferior in something to other people, he has a great chance to start gossiping.

It happens that people spread false information about others with no intention of harming those they are discussing. Such situations often arise when, when meeting two acquaintances, one has absolutely nothing to tell about himself. As a result, in order not to seem boring and not to face awkward silence, the interlocutor begins to discuss others, offering for discussion not only the information that he knows for sure, but also thought-out “facts”.

Speaking about what other reasons for gossip are, one cannot but mention a banal misunderstanding. It happens that a person simply could not understand the situation, misinterpreted the events that were taking place and, completely not wishing harm to anyone, spread false information about others.

How to stop gossiping

If you decide to stop gossip, the first thing to start with is to make your life brighter, more varied and eventful. When a person is busy with business, constantly in motion towards his goals, he will feel sorry for wasting time on gossip about others. In addition, an active life position will certainly put you forward to the first roles in key areas of your life, which means that there will no longer be a need to assert yourself by slandering others.

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Forming good habits related to stopping gossip is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. All that is required of you is to focus on your affairs and activities, forgetting about good sense this word about other people, their worries and problems.

As already mentioned in one of my articles, a great way to get rid of the discussions of others is to wear a bracelet, which is hung on different hands every time you have “unnecessary” conversations. This action will show you how often you gossip or criticize others, will definitely help to minimize or completely eliminate "dubious" conversations.

What happens if you don't gossip

By deciding not to gossip, each of us brings ourselves a lot of good use. Firstly, a non-gossiping person has a lot of free time, which he can spend on himself, his affairs and worries. Secondly, you stop attracting lies, deceit, powerlessness to yourself, which will certainly have a positive impact on the quality of your life in the very near future. Thirdly, a person who avoids gossip will always look more strong-willed, independent, decent in the eyes of others, which, in turn, will also win those around you even more and open up new opportunities for you.

If you decide that gossip is not for you, it is very important to be clear about how not to gossip.

Good day!Recently, I made a decision about the purposeful acquisition of Life by feelings. Not sporadically, but constantly and honestly with yourself. Now I understand that I stopped feeling again. Great, I remembered again. And now I notice that when I start to discuss someone myself or participate in the discussion of other people by someone, all my attention is directed to the analysis of the actions of another person. The disadvantage of this is that the discussion, as a rule, has a constant high probability of turning into condemnation, which happens in the vast majority of cases.

And ostensibly for good purposes, ostensibly in order not to repeat the mistakes of another person himself, but over time he noticed the following:

1. discussing other people, especially noticing their negative features and wrong actions, my consciousness really likes, which is a destructive part of my energy structure;
2. almost always the discussion moves or immediately begins with condemnation. At the same time, attention is in any case directed to finding the flaws of another person. I did not notice anything good and constructive in this, and not once, although the background implied by consciousness is usually just that;
3. discussion of another person is accompanied by close attention on my part, and therefore I don’t see my mistakes at all, that is, there is no really constructive process, there is no work on myself. And on others, as I concluded for myself, there is no point in working at all. And not only does it make no sense, but for spiritual development it's a total loss. By the way, to the conclusion that this makes no sense and no positive effect My sister also came. Regardless of mine. She also works on herself, but uses a slightly different presentation of the knowledge base about a person. I will not specifically specify which one, so as not to cause you a prejudiced perception;
4. and the most important and biggest minus, as I said, during the discussion of another person, I don’t remember about Life with feelings at all. Now I remember again. Here, please, I am writing a constructive article and remember the feelings. In the discussion of other chances for this, well, there are very few, since not constructive approach, which is destructive. For myself, I don’t see any chance at all for the discussion of another person to have a constructive color. Never noticed.

The only option, - now, I remembered - is only when I sincerely try to justify the actions of another person whom it is proposed to condemn. This is what I noticed the only option constructive, and automatically accompanied by a positive feeling.

It's good to structure your conclusions like this. Somehow, even earlier, I did not give in to a detailed analysis of the topic of discussion of other people. And as a result, there was a glimpse in absolutely, as it seemed, the subject was doomed to defeat. Isn't it wonderful? 🙂

How do I personally see the solution to the problem of getting rid of the habit of discussing each other and x people?

Talk only about yourself own experience, about conclusions regarding only oneself, observations exclusively for oneself and only one's consciousness. What does it give, as I see it for myself? Following:

• analyzing my personal experience, I identify destructive patterns, according to which I personally act. By doing so, I increase my chances of allocating my attention more rationally;
• more often I remember feeling or, as this process is called in Orthodoxy, about quality unceasing prayer;
• talking about myself, I do a constructive action, not a destructive one, when I discuss and condemn other people;
• I noticed that in a conversation with any person, when I talk exclusively about myself and my minuses, the chances of hooking on the ego of another person are reduced to zero. Moreover, when I talk about myself and do not hint at the shortcomings of others, the interlocutor perceives information as openly as possible. And if a person has a question or the topic under discussion is close to him, he himself associates my story with himself. It's just incredible and always works! I can conclude for myself that this is a kind of grail of conveying any information, especially the one that concerns work on oneself.
• Speaking only about yourself, you can absolutely calmly convey to any person that part of the primordial Knowledge that the situation and the direction of the conversation allow. But it should be at ease, naturally, unplanned, without the desire to impose or convince the interlocutor of anything.
• When an interlocutor shares with me some difficult situation for him, and I have my own personal experience or conclusions on this topic, I have an ideal chance to help a person find a way out of the situation without the slightest encroachment on the freedom of choice of his interlocutor. If he is open to finding a way out and honest enough with himself, he listens to my experience and takes something out of it for himself. Thus, it is possible to avoid such moments of encroachment on the freedom of choice of a person, as instructions and advice that a person did not ask for. But at the same time, if I want and I can helpforeheadineku, I can do it quickly and as efficiently as possible - just by sharing what I have concluded on this matter for myself personally. Either in the process of obtaining a similar experience, or in the process of reflection.
  Of course, this should be sincere, pure truth, and not fiction. And it should not be used as a kind of covert manipulation, as I understand it again for myself.
• Every time I talk about myself, I note that I am working on myself, absolutely not once again subjecting my actions to a constructive analysis, which means I have a chance to understand something for myself. For example, to conclude for myself how, perhaps, I should no longer act, but how I should act in this or that situation when solving various problems.
• I humiliate the ego of my consciousness, gaining more freedom and independence from it. As a result, this gives me the opportunity to associate myself less with the primary consciousness, which means there is a chance to be myself longer - a person, a spirit.
• I am constantly learning to expose my consciousness, which means that its chances for evil secret action are steadily decreasing.
• Thanks to the developed skill of opening up to different people, I learn to unite with different people, overcoming and not allowing separation from them.
• I am in feelings, at least in peace. At the same time, I have a minimal risk of slipping into emotions, which, by the way, as I noticed on my own, is constantly accompanied by a discussion of other people.
• I reduce my chances of falling into the trap of resting on my laurels while there is still plenty of work on myself. That is, I increase my chances of abstaining from the manifestation of pride.
• All this releases a huge potential of energy spent on fighting the consequences of the negativity activated by my attention. For myself, I somehow generally concluded that the main amount vitality and time is wasted fighting precisely with the consequences of his wrong choice. It turns out that it is enough for me to learn not to invest my attention in negative programs— and my possibilities of Spiritual transformation increase many times as a result.
• And what is the result of all these incredibly positive advantages of replacing other people's discussion with discussion solely of one's own experience? As a result of all this, I significantly increase my chances of gaining Spiritual salvation, gaining Eternal Life in the love of God.

What does it give me to replace discussing other people with discussing only my personal experience right now?

Reasonable question. After all, Spiritual salvation, salvation of the Soul, Spiritual liberation, and whatever it is called, is not a matter of one day, as I see for myself. This is a permanent job. I understand this from my own experience. But what now? You know, I concluded for myself that God never postpones the reward for my labors. I get it right here and now. What is it expressed in?

1. In gaining a greater degree of freedom from your ego structure;
2. as a result, I am less distracted from the life of the Spiritual world;
3. as a result, I am happier. Right here and now.

What pitfalls await?

By myself, I noticed that I was drawn to relax, which provoked a weakening of control over my distribution of attention and over the tricks of consciousness. And as a result, you can very quickly lose what you have achieved and return to the starting point.

I decided for myself that it was never worth stopping the vigil. Because the choice is how I have it now for myselfMonandMay, is some average value between somen-nymnumberestvommy last choices. At the same time, I make a choice constantly, many thousands of times a day. What constitutes my dominant choice, which changes with every decision I make. As I see it, this is connected, as a rule, with the way I decide for myself to distribute this or that portion of my attention, which happens all the time, because the forces of Allat or simply spiritual forces constantly come to me through the Soul, which means there is a constant their distribution.

Previously, I was under the delusion that it was enough to decide something once - and everything, everything should develop exactly according to this decision. But that's not how I see it for myself. That is why consciousness tries to distract with trifles, petty, absolutely optional thoughts. Because it has the experience of switching my attention through small manipulations, thereby turning a loss-making enterprise with small investments into a profitable one for it and the animal mind system. Of course, this only happens when I succumb to these manipulations. And discussion and even more condemnation of other people is one of my favorite ways of manipulating my animal nature. Because it is addictive, exalts pride, cherishes delusions of grandeur. And naturally, the less vigilance in my spirit, the more and longer I associate myself with the primary consciousness, and, accordingly, the more often I succumb to the manipulations of the secondary consciousness. For the primary consciousness is stupid, and the secondary is intelligent.

You know, while writing this article, it became very calm. It became easier to watch, less often I began to forget about feelings. So yes, for myself I can and I don’t know for the umpteenth time to conclude that constructive reflections and constructive actions are incredible powerful tool, which works simply flawlessly and absolutely always!

All the best! 🙂

P.S. Today (in the period between writing and proofreading the article), the thoughts of condemning one person again came to mind. I decided to act constructively and began to justify it. And you know what turned out? When I thought quite a bit, it turned out that I should be really very grateful to this person, and instead, judgments arose in my mind, and so many times they were given my attention. Thanks to such a simple constructive method, I not only changed my opinion about another person from negative to positive, but also completely got rid of thoughts about him, as well as a number of fears associated with this. Here is such an exemplary experience for me.

And the reason is simple: consciousness always sees the tops, but never sees the roots. It never cares at all about the veracity or consistency of the negativity and fears it offers. I have seen this for hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands, of times. And not only me. So I came to the conclusion for myself, since consciousness is active - well, then I also need to act more actively, since it still surpasses me at least in a number of positions.

Stop judging and criticizing, look distantly and benevolently at others, at situations and at yourself... The task of the editors seemed quite achievable to me, and I arranged a meeting with cognitive psychologist Tatyana Yudeeva.

I also have my own opinion about everything and everyone. But I worry long and deeply about how others perceive and evaluate me. I tend to judge people by quickly labeling them. I noticed more than once: when the interlocutor cannot support a conversation on a topic that interests me, does not know some names, has not read some books, I instantly have the thought: “He is stupid. Don't do business with him anymore." “Is it possible to understand this in such a way that sometimes you make assessments too quickly and this prematureness prevents you from understanding a person and continuing to communicate?” - asks Tatyana Yudeeva.

We tend to judge others when we are especially vulnerable and need support ourselves.

This is so: I instantly react to gaps in the knowledge of others, but if the interlocutor does not know something that I do not know, this seems quite natural to me.

“It is worth taking into account that the reference points can be different,” the psychologist reminds. Yes, this is true: I remembered how my classmate Lyuda asked me who Akhmatova was at school. I explained, but then for a long time I considered her a fool. Once we were instructed to make a wall newspaper together, and it turned out that Luda draws beautifully, loves dogs and is generally very nice. That evening, when we were laughing at our own poems and caricatures, I seemed to see her - I used to appreciate it, but at that moment I saw it.

Raise self-esteem

Why do we need to evaluate the people around us, and evaluate them mostly negatively? American psychologist, founder individual psychology Alfred Adler believed that in this way we put ourselves on a pedestal, increase our self-esteem.

Devaluing others is like a preemptive strike. We usually do this when we are especially vulnerable, when it is important for us to know that we are loved and accepted for who we are. We often gossip because, judging others, we seem to confirm that we are not like that, and these qualities do not concern us in any way.

I noticed that the more I judge someone, the more I doubt myself. Well, gossip is a stupid thing to do. “It can be assumed that you are increasingly thinking: “I am so old, a lot of time is wasted ...” - Tatyana Yudeeva is interested.

How will I feel if I don't gossip around my friends?

Yes, I live the second half of my life - not that there is little time left, but I don’t want to spend it on something that is no longer interesting to me. Therefore, ties with friends who still like to discuss others are destroyed. “Now you are thinking about how to fill your communication now?” - asks the psychologist.

“A wise man is unlikely to be entertained by empty talk,” I explain uncertainly. - He thinks about the world, about himself ... "

But the psychologist asks: “What, fools don’t think about it? It seems that when you evaluate yourself and your friends, you are based on certain criteria. It is worth understanding how they arose and why you have set yourself such a high bar. You cannot match it and therefore you feel constant discontent yourself. Ask yourself: what would I like from life? How will I feel if I don’t gossip around my friends?”

automatic thoughts

"But if everyone around deserves negative assessment then the world becomes unpleasant place, in which I don’t particularly want to be, ”I think. "And if that's the case?" Tatyana Yudeeva smiles.

Well, no, I don't agree with that. “No,” I answer. - It is not the world itself that is terrible, but the fact that I am constantly evaluated in it, perceived worse than I am. I can see it by intonation, by looks, by the fact that someone is happy when they meet, but not me.

In early December, we went to the cinema with friends and met Maxim - I remember well how he smiled at the sight of Katya, how he tightly hugged Oksana ... And how he turned in my direction and grunted: “Hi!” I was hurt. It seemed that now they would all go somewhere together, but without me. “I am separate, I am an outsider,” the psychologist repeats my words. - It's your idea. What do you feel? - "I'm offended." - "And what are you doing?" “I’m leaving,” I say, and I understand that I always leave in such cases.

You spontaneously choose the same way of thinking. It's hard for you to think differently

But that evening, no one went anywhere, everyone went to different subway exits and different streets. “Your forecast was not confirmed, no one considered you superfluous,” sums up Tatiana Yudeeva. “But he was really happy for her, but not for me,” I argue.

“And who said that this man should treat all women equally? - the psychologist stuns me. - Why should he treat you the same way as the girl he hugged? And treat you the same way as with her? And in general, it’s not about how he behaved, but about what you expected from this meeting.

“Is everyone supposed to adore me and demonstrate it in every possible way?” I ask, a little embarrassed. “And if this does not happen, then you consider yourself superfluous and move away, catapult,” Tatyana Yudeeva responds. - And now a very important question: why do you have exactly these (the same) thoughts in similar situations? Could they be different?"

See the situation differently

We go over the options, and I understand that I would hardly have coped with this alone: ​​thoughts do not want to flow in the other direction.

"Wonderful! - the psychologist suddenly rejoices. - This just says that you involuntarily choose the same style of thinking. It's hard for you to think differently. And I can tell you this: if a person says “Goodbye, I’m gone” and quickly leaves, then it can be difficult for another to simply call him, call him back. Maybe your friends have decided that you have some business. And some people and the back is very expressive, repulsive. They might think: "Inna doesn't want to go with us, she has her own secrets, she doesn't like us very much..."

Then we talk about thoughts that prevent you from looking at the situation more broadly. “We each have beliefs about ourselves and other people,” explains the psychologist. - They are not always formulated in words, but we live in accordance with them. One person has a belief - "I'm smart", and he will behave everywhere based on this. The other - "I'm a fool." Someone is sure: "I am good (caring, loyal, cheerful)." And depending on these ideas about ourselves, certain thoughts appear in us.

You can get rid of automatic thoughts if you learn to observe them.

It is difficult for me to break out of this circle: it is no coincidence that I did not come up with other options for behavior in the case of Maxim. “And you could not leave, but smile at him, come up, hug or say: “Well, hug me, I also want to,” the psychologist prompts and gives me homework. The next time I feel like I'm superfluous again, don't run away, but try to behave differently.

You can get rid of automatic thoughts if you learn to observe them. After all, we, oddly enough, do not notice what exactly we thought at one time or another, we do not see the patterns of our thinking, and as a result we feel longing, constant pressure and anxiety.

Therefore, it is so important to be attentive to yourself at the first moment of communication with an unfamiliar interlocutor, the first day of work in a new place: imagine that you open the door before entering the room and say: “Hello!” And “catch” the thought that arises in you at that moment - it may turn out to be unexpected.

“Try to keep a diary, write down your thoughts,” Tatyana Yudeeva sums up. - Since childhood, we have been dragging a suitcase full of beliefs with us, and such a diary allows us to revise it and throw out the unnecessary. And when we manage to do this, we achieve the goal of living more consciously, understanding what is happening to us, and ultimately being a friend to ourselves.”

"Non-judgment is the key to love"

Patrice Gourier, priest, psychologist

From the heartfelt injunction of the Gospel (“Judge not, lest you be judged”) to Buddhist principles (“Things are neither bad nor good, they (just) exist”), from the Koran (“Do not slander one another”) and to the Talmud (“ Do not judge your neighbor before you take his place"), non-judgment - life principle, proclaimed by most spiritual traditions. First of all, because it is a prerequisite for the social world: not to judge is to agree with difference. And therefore - to live in harmony with others, overcoming fear, to win in tolerance, gratitude, in love. Three basic common spiritual values ​​are also reflected in the Christian tradition.

Psychologies: The gospel is replete with calls for non-judgment - how to understand them?

Patrice Gourier: They must be taken as a necessary consequence of the second commandment, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." It's about not judging others, and not judging yourself. Judgment always springs from fear. But it is impossible to live in fear and in love at the same time, and the whole meaning of the gospel is contained in these words: "Love one another." Non-judgment is the key to learning to love others and ourselves better.

How do you personally achieve this?

I do mindfulness meditation. As we return through our body and our senses to the present moment, we experience a sense of the oneness of life. Psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan argued that our spirit always hovers between the real, the imaginary and the ideal. More often than not, we turn our backs on reality in order to live in an ideal and imaginary world. Returning to our body, we return to reality, as we feel it from the inside, we part with stereotypes, a priori judgments, and fear. In the gospel, Jesus says, "Judge not." He invites us to inner silence so that others and God can access us. This is nonjudgment.

Today I will start the conversation a little from afar. I would like to remind you of one situation that is familiar to every monk. Very often, when we pray at a rule or divine service and our heart is filled with love for God, we desire to accomplish something great for the sake of this love. And the Lord immediately responds to our desire and gives us the opportunity for achievement. But in what form? What feat is the most important, the most sublime for us?

The Lord sets our neighbor before us. This neighbor is not like us. He has a different face, a different voice, different thoughts, different desires, different feelings. And giving us this person, the Lord seems to be calling us: “Look, I give you what you wanted. You wished to perform a feat for My sake? Here, I give you. Try to understand him, love him as he is, accept him in your heart!

This is the greatest and most important feat for us it is a feat of evangelical communion with our neighbor, the acquisition of each person in his heart.

What does it mean to acquire your neighbor in your heart? This means making sure that when communicating with any person, our heart always remains disposed towards him, peaceful, so that not a single thought or hostility finds a place in our soul.

This is the height of virtue, "the totality of perfection." And often this height seems unattainable to us. Loving everyone is something abstract, unrelated to our everyday life. But this is one of the biggest misconceptions! In fact, each of us can ascend to this height every hour, or even every minute. How many times we meet with our neighbor, so many times we can show sublime love. In the most ordinary environment, in the usual everyday situations We can see the image of God in every person.

An excellent example of such a vision is given by the elder Sophrony (Sakharov):

“In the Panteleimon Monastery there was an old monk of very short stature. And for forty years he worked in the kitchen morning and evening, triumphant: he prepared food for the people loved by God Himself! See how it is possible to set your mind and acquire such a disposition when the most ordinary deeds become the eternal merits of a person.

Each of us can acquire the same disposition to always be in love with our neighbors.

And now I want to ask you: why are we doing this feat? Not for the sake of virtue itself, because virtue is not an end in itself, but a means. And not for the sake of becoming moral and noble people. And not for the sake of looking worthy in front of others and in front of ourselves. And for what? We do this in order to partake of the divine life.

After all, what is the most amazing and great thing about God? His miracles? His omniscience? His power? All this astonishes us, but according to the words of St. John Chrysostom, we marvel at none of this as much as we marvel at God's philanthropy. And we, created in the image and likeness of God, are called to become like Him not in working miracles, seeing the future, or moving mountains. And in what?

To accept every person into your heart. And no matter how we are – weak, negligent, sinful – thanks to this feat we live in the image of the life of Christ.

Elder Emilian has wonderful words:

“No monastic brotherhood lives without love. Monks live because they love. Love is the imitation of Christ, because "He first loved us."

And today in a conversation I would like to consider this great, amazing feat shown to us by the Lord Jesus Christ.

By His very birth, the Savior already teaches us not to judge anyone. After all, He was pleased to be born from such a family, in which there were many sinful people, for example, the harlot Rahab, Tamar, who fell into the sin of incest, Solomon, who had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines and at the end of his life indulged in unbridled voluptuousness and fell into idolatry.

As St. John Chrysostom writes, “God not only took upon Himself our flesh and became a man, but deigned vicious people to be His relatives, not being ashamed in the least of our vices… God combined an adulterous nature with Himself. Thus, from the very beginning, He showed that He does not disdain anything of ours, thus teaching us not to be tempted by anything in our neighbors.

And not only the birth, but the whole earthly life of the Savior shows us an image of perfect non-judgment and love. We know that Christ was tempted by condemnation like no other person in the world. When the devil failed to tempt the Lord in the desert face to face, he tried to overcome Him in a different way - he began to tempt Him through people.

Having failed to get Christ to break the commandment to love God, the devil hoped that he would force Him to break the commandment to love others. He tried to do everything to arouse in the heart of the Savior at least one thought of condemnation. He brought before His eyes people with all the vices and all the infirmities that humanity has accumulated since the time of the first sin. He surrounded Him with human indifference, misunderstanding and ingratitude.

He aroused in the hearts of people hatred for Him, inciting them to revile and humiliate Him. He seduced one of His closest disciples to betrayal, and finally arranged for people to betray Him to the most humiliating, shameful death. And yet he did not achieve his goal - the Savior's heart was not darkened even by the slightest shadow of condemnation, nothing shook His love for people.

But having suffered this crushing defeat, the devil did not retreat, and now he is trying to depose the followers of Christ, and as before, one of his most terrible weapons is condemnation. In particular, he tempts with condemnation those who seek to lead a Christ-like life, that is, us monastics.

In the life of one ascetic, Saint Nile, there is interesting case. When Neil was about to enter a monastery, the devil began to tempt him, wanting to turn him away from the monastic path. And what did he tempt him with? He did not begin to remind him of the beauties of earthly life, nor of sin, nor of pleasure, but tried to inspire only one thought - and that was the thought of condemnation.

Let's read an excerpt from his life:

“And the devil began to accuse the monks, spilling thousands of slanders about them, calling them money-lovers, and vain, and gluttons, and saying: “Only one cauldron in which they boil food could contain all of me together with this horse!” The righteous one, in response to this, said to him: “Who are you, accusing and condemning those who work for God? Worthy is the worker of his food.” And the devil, plugging his ears like an asp, ran away from him. The monk, having sealed himself with the sign of the honest cross and praying to God that He would cover and preserve him from the condemnation of the monks, entered this holy monastery with joy.

Elder Emilian, in his interpretation of the life of St. Nile, says:

“When the devil tempted Neal with condemnation, he knew what he was doing. After all, this thought could crush the whole life of the monk, if he agreed with him. And if he later lived for a thousand years in a monastery, then with this thought he would not live a true monastic life for a single day. This is what the devil said to him: “Well, where are you going? I worked in this monastery and I know everyone there. One of these blacks is a glutton, another is a lover of money, the third is conceited. And what, you can live with such people? That is, he tried to knock out from under the feet of the monk the foundation of monastic life – the approval of the brethren and unity with them. And if Satan had succeeded in instilling judgment and division in the Monk Nilus, even with just one brother, then he would have achieved more than he could have achieved by countless sins.

So the devil tempts us every minute, trying to fill our hearts with condemnation. He exaggerates in our eyes the infirmities of other people, adjusts various seductive situations, arouses intolerance and distrust in us. “Look how badly this man is behaving - and how is this possible among Christians? And she looked at you frowningly - what did you do to her, why is she looking like that? And why do people treat you so badly - do you deserve it?

With such thoughts the devil hurls at us like formidable arrows, and if we do not reflect them, they inflict deep wounds on our heart, make us graceless, empty. The devil puts in us his own, crafty reasoning, completely opposite to the spirit of Christ.

And we need to be very sober, attentive, in order to constantly reject this evil onslaught and try to look at everything through the eyes of Christ. In any situation when we communicate with our neighbors and we are tempted to condemn, let us think: how would Christ look at this? What would He say to this man? How would He act?

It seems to many that this is impossible - well, what does our small, ordinary life have in common with the life of the Lord Himself? But let us think: how did the Lord live on earth? He lived not any other, namely an ordinary human life. He, just like us, ate earthly food with His mouth, He performed the usual, routine tasks with His hands. earthly work He walked on earthly roads, and His most pure feet were covered with dirt and dust.

And just like us, He communicated with many, many people and every day came into contact with human impurity - that is, with infirmities, passions, sinful habits. And so He showed us by His example how in this small, earthly life we ​​can rise to heavenly love.

Let's now turn to the Gospel and remember concrete examples: what kind of people surrounded Christ? And how did he treat them?

Wherever Christ entered, in any city or village, all the sinners who lived in this area immediately gathered around Him. Of course, virtuous people also came to him, but look at what the Evangelist Luke emphasizes: “All publicans and sinners drew near to Him to listen to Him.” Whom does the Gospel call sinners? If it meant simply people subject to certain passions and infirmities, then the evangelist would not have used such a word.

Those are here called sinners whose wicked life was manifest to all; that is, people immersed in gravest sins, criminals who corrected everything human laws. It can be said that thieves, adulterers, extortionists, drunkards, and perhaps even murderers flocked to Christ. And pay attention to one more word that the Evangelist Luke uses: all sinners - every single one, in every village where the Savior came! Imagine how it looked from the outside: a certain person comes to the city and all the most degraded people immediately gather around him, all, so to speak, the criminal element.

Not two or three, but everyone in the village—perhaps several dozen people—suddenly converge in one place. And in the center of this terrible gathering is Christ. Probably, being near the Lord, all these sinners tried to behave decently, with all reverence possible for them. Yet they could not change completely in an instant. Bad skills, a vicious past, undoubtedly, were expressed in their behavior, in their speeches and gestures, albeit involuntarily. The righteous Jews, who looked at this from the outside, were both surprised and horrified: “Why does this Man eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners ?!”

Let's think now: what does this have to do with our lives? The most come to the Church too different people. Those who previously led an extremely distracted life come here, and those who received a bad upbringing, and those whose conscience is burdened with many sins. Behold, these people heard the call of Christ and came to the holy temple, gathered around their beloved Lord. But can they completely change in an instant?

For some time—perhaps a year, perhaps several years, or perhaps, by God's permission, until the end of their days—they will bear the imprint of their former passionate life. Some are rude, some seem loose, some are extremely stubborn. Noticing this, we should not be tempted and say: “But what is this? How did such a person end up in the Church? What is he doing here? In fact, a person can have vices that have not been completely eliminated and at the same time lead a serious spiritual life: sincerely repent, strive diligently, and pray.

Let us now remember how the Savior treated the inveterate sinners who came to Him. The Jews openly despised these people, disdained to communicate with them and did not even want to just be around. But the Savior, on the contrary, especially rejoiced at sinners. He reclined with them at the meal, willingly listened to them and spoke to them as if best friends. The Pharisees, looking at all this, called Him just that: "friend to tax collectors and sinners." Did the Lord dislike the behavior of former robbers and harlots? His love covered everything.

According to St. John Chrysostom, just as a doctor who sees the sick must endure their rotten smell, so Christ, communicating with sinners, with complete calm endured the smell of sin emanating from them. He saw in these people the main thing - their repentance, sincere love to Him, the desire to improve.

So we, when we meet a person, for example, rude or ill-mannered, will not pay any attention to his behavior, we will be friendly and affectionate with him. And then, gradually, a veil will fall from our eyes: we will see what is true in this person - his soul, damaged by sin, but alive, the image of God, stained by passions, but not exterminated.

An interesting example of gracious, affectionate treatment of neighbors is found in the life of the righteous John of Kronstadt:
“Someone who has completely lost his way, who has completely upset his health with drunkenness, passing through St. Petersburg by the station, noticed a crowd rushing towards an approaching train ... “Father John of Kronstadt should arrive now!” - said in the crowd. Out of curiosity, I went to look at the famous priest and this degraded man.

Batiushka, despite the surrounding ring of greeters, pays attention to the approacher, boldly overshadows him with a cross and affectionately says to him: “May the Lord bless you and may He help you to go on a good path, my friend. It looks like you are suffering a lot!”
From such inspired words of the great shepherd, a grace-filled power, like an electric spark, passes through the whole being of the unfortunate. Stepping aside, he felt that his heart was full of tenderness and affection for Father John.

“And really,” the thought involuntarily flashed in his mind, “how difficult it is for me to live, to what baseness I have come, I have become worse than cattle. Is it possible to get up? How nice it would be! Father John wished me this, and how kind he is, he took pity on me, I will certainly go to him!” And then he goes to Kronstadt, confesses, partakes of the Holy Mysteries and, with God's help, is gradually morally restored.
Whenever we force ourselves to manifest gospel love, divine grace comes, which we feel and the person with whom we communicate.

Consider another example from the Gospel: who else was next to the Savior? The Evangelist Matthew narrates: “And a rumor about Him spread throughout all Syria; and brought to Him all the weak, the possessed various diseases and seizures, and demon-possessed, and lunatics, and paralyzed, and He healed them. In other words, all the flawed, sick people gathered near the Lord. And we can say that this was also a tempting situation for Him. After all, such people usually cause a lot of inconvenience.

For their sake Christ had to stop on the way, devote His time to them, look at their wounds, listen to their cries and groans, endure their touch. Often people who are ill in the body are ill in the soul. And the Savior, probably, had to deal with manifestations of selfishness or despondency when communicating with sick people. All this was not easy, and for those who walked with the Lord, these unfortunate people sometimes irritated. For example, when a blind man sitting by the road shouted: “Son of David, have mercy on me!” Those who followed the Savior “forced him to be silent,” perhaps losing patience from this endless onslaught of the sick.

There are also many people around us who suffer from various ailments and constantly oppress us. But let us recall just one example of how the Savior treated sick people. One day a man with leprosy approached Him and, bowing, said to Him: “Lord! If you want, you can cleanse me." And the Savior, looking at this unfortunate man, did not think about how ugly his wounds were, but only felt his pain, the unbearable suffering of a man devoured by leprosy. And moved by pity, Christ immediately stretched out his hand, "touched him and said: I want, be cleansed."

And we can imitate the Savior in this good impulse - to help a suffering person. For example, someone is doing their job very slowly. What a wonderful occasion for us to show compassion and love! And our love can be expressed not only in some kind of material assistance, but also in an affectionate smile, an encouraging word. Saint Isaac the Syrian has wonderful words:
“If you give anything to someone in need, then let the cheerfulness of your countenance precede your giving and kind word console him. When you do this, then your kindness will be more precious in his mind than your most excellent gift.

And here's the important thing we need to remember. Wherever we go, wherever we live, wherever we work, there will definitely be a person who will oppress us with something - with his illnesses, habits, infirmities, strange behavior. And how can we keep peace in our souls? How to always be happy? Let us remember: we should not even have a thought to leave our neighbors or try to change their character. The only way out for us it is to accept the feat of longsuffering. And then joy will enter our hearts, because true long-suffering is always connected with joy.

Abba Isaiah advises us:

“Perceive the feat of acquiring long-suffering; and love heals sadness.

Elder Emilian explains his advice:

In biography Athos elder Charalambia is interesting example truly Christian patience. Once, Father Haralampy was given the obedience to take care of a sick old man who suffered from severe indigestion and often did not even have time to go to the toilet. At first, this difficult obedience aroused thoughts of grumbling and discontent in Father Charalampy. But what happened next? Here is how the old man himself says:

“With great effort, I managed to suppress these thoughts. I said to myself: “Be careful, Charalampos, you serve Christ. By neglecting this old man, you are neglecting Christ. Call on God all night to have mercy on you. And you will hear a voice saying to you: “Blessed are the mercies: for they shall have mercy”; and again: “Because do this to one of these least of my brethren, do it to me.” Be careful, you are passing the exam, see how you don’t fail.” After that, I began to diligently fulfill the new obedience.

Every day I had to wash a whole mountain of pajamas and wash the old man himself many times. As a human being, of course, I experienced some disgust. For two days I had to constantly pinch my nose because of the unbearable smell. However, soon my prayer intensified, and I began to experience such joy, literally overflowing with everything, that I really began to feel that I was serving my Lord. The peak of these states was the following miracle: whereas at the beginning I had to pinch my nose from the stench, now I suddenly began to feel a fragrance similar to the fragrance of holy relics, but even stronger.

When we constantly force ourselves to a feat for the sake of our neighbor, miracles begin to happen to us too. People who previously caused us rejection, irritation, become dear to us, like relatives. We discover in our hearts such abundant sources of love that we did not even suspect! After all, as St. John Chrysostom says, “by our very nature we have an inclination towards mercy.” Each of us is naturally capable of sympathy, condescension; The Lord has placed in everyone's heart the seed of evangelical love, and from it a wondrous fruitful tree can grow.

But back to the gospel. Now I would like to consider: what kind of people did the Lord Himself surround Himself with, whom did He especially bring closer to Himself? It would seem that, as the God-Man, He was worthy of the most brilliant surroundings, and next to Him there should have been people adorned with wisdom and perfected in virtue.

But He Himself chose as His disciples simple people, not educated, or, as they said at that time, not bookish, such as the Pharisees disparagingly spoke of: "This people is ignorant of the law, damned are they." From his simplicity, the apostle Peter, for example, said everything that came to his mind without any hesitation. The apostles were not completely impassive people, various weaknesses were manifested in them.

For example, the apostles James and John succumbed to anger and revenge: they offered the Savior to bring down fire from heaven on the Samaritan village, where they were not received. They were also subject to vanity, because they wanted to borrow best places near the Lord in His Kingdom. And another disciple of Christ, the righteous Nicodemus, showed cowardice: he did not dare to openly come to the Savior, but, fearing the Pharisees, he came at night. That is, at first glance, the disciples of the Lord were the most ordinary, weak people.

And next to us the Lord always puts people who seem to us ordinary, weak. We would like to have in our inner circle the wisest, most talented, and at the same time the most meek and most humble people. But behold, the Lord own example teaches us not to look for such people, but to love those who are with us.

Elder Emilian says:

“The one who complains about the people around him suffers through his own fault, because he did not understand: those who are next to him are exactly what he needs. His salvation would be doubtful if the neighbors were not exactly the way they are.”

What especially attracts us in the way the Lord treated His disciples, these simple and weak people? His respect for them. Let the Apostle James be too ardent - but the Savior honors him to see His transfiguration. Let the Apostle Peter say rash things - but the Savior promises to give Him the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven. Although Nicodemus is timid, yet Christ reveals to him lofty mysteries.

Whatever person is next to us - poorly educated, angry, lukewarm, conceited - let it be an immutable law for us to respect and revere him. Here is a person who behaves uncivilized at the table: he pushes us to the side when he wants to ask something, or pulls his hand across the whole table, falling into our plate with his sleeve - and we do not allow our heart to respond with irritation. Here he commits a bad deed before our eyes, succumbs to passion - and we force ourselves to indulgence and compassion. And these small daily deeds are the true life in Christ.

Saint Ignatius writes: “Give respect to your neighbor, without distinguishing between age, sex, class, upbringing - and gradually holy love will begin to appear in your heart.” And in the light of this love, we will see that we are surrounded not by simple and weak people, but by the chosen ones of Christ.

Elder Paisius Svyatogorets gives an interesting example: what can be hidden behind the outward simplicity of a person. In Jordan there was one very simple priest who read prayers over sick people and animals, and they became healthy. Before the service of the Divine Liturgy, he drank something hot with crackers, and after that he ate nothing for a whole day. The rumor that he was eating before the Divine Liturgy reached the Patriarch, who called him to him. Not knowing why he was called, the priest came to the Patriarchate and, together with other visitors, was waiting for a call in the waiting room.

It was hot outside, the windows were closed with shutters, and a ray of sunlight filtered through the crack into the waiting room. Mistaking the beam for a stretched rope, the perspiring priest took off his cassock and hung it on the beam. Seeing this, the people sitting in the waiting room with him were shocked. One of them went to the Patriarch and told him about such a miracle. The patriarch called him into the office and began to talk, asking about his service, about how he was preparing for the liturgy.

“But how,” the priest answers him, “first I read matins, then I bow, then I prepare tea, eat something light and go to serve.” “Why do you eat before the Liturgy?” the Patriarch asks. “If,” he replies, “I have a little snack before the liturgy, then after consuming the Holy Gifts, Christ is on top. But if I eat after the Divine Liturgy, then Christ is below.” It turns out that he had breakfast before the liturgy with a good intention!.. “No,” the Patriarch tells him, “this is wrong. Consume the Holy Gifts first, and then eat a little.” The priest bowed to the Patriarch and accepted what was said with humility.

This man, out of ignorance, made a serious mistake, but the Lord, looking at his inner motives, gave him great grace. And so let's not rush to judge. Every person is the whole world, special, arranged in its own way, and the one who seems weak to us can be righteous before God.

Let us now recall a few more examples from the life of the Lord. So far, we have considered cases where people loved the Savior or, according to at least, were disposed towards Him. We are also without great work we forgive the infirmities and shortcomings of those people who treat us well. And it often happens like this: when we have been living in a community for a long time, and we develop warm, benevolent relations with others, then it seems to us that we have already acquired evangelical love.

But there is one simple means of knowing whether we truly love. Let us think: when our neighbors offend us, mock us, do not understand, does our soul retain a peaceful, kind feeling towards them? And if we want to acquire Christ in our hearts, then we need to learn how not to condemn those who “curse and offend” us. Here is how Elder Emilian writes about this:

“If you want to truly feel God, then you must learn to rejoice and sympathize with the one who offends you, and the one who curses you, and the one who repels you, who does not understand you, who talks to you terribly, who abuses you. who calls white - black, and the plain - a mountain, who interprets everything related to you in a completely opposite sense.

Look, it's very important! Our peace of mind Our love for God should not depend on how our neighbor treats us. The neighbor will always do something wrong, will always break into our lives and shake and crush it. And if we do not acquire love in our hearts, unshakable by anything, then we will never have peace. Note also this: as we relate to our neighbors, so we relate to God. If we are open to others, then we are open to God. He is close to us, and we feel His closeness both in prayer and in all our ordinary daily life.

The Lord showed us by His life how we can acquire inner freedom and gospel love. He Himself experienced everything that a person experiences on earth - there is no such insult and such an insult that He would not have to endure. And the Lord proved that no evil can overcome true love. I think that each of us had such an experience: someone offended us, we are in confusion and anxiety, we don’t know how to behave, how to treat the offender, but now we open the Gospel, read one chapter - and we are surprised to find that the Lord was also in this situation and showed us what we should do!

Let us recall, for example, how Christ endured insults and ridicule. One day He came to the house of Jairus, the head of the synagogue, whose only daughter had died. "Everyone wept and wept for her." Filled with sympathy for the grieving people and wanting to immediately comfort them, the Lord said: “Do not cry; she is not dead, but asleep. What was the answer? "And they laughed at him." In Slavonic it is said more precisely: “And I scold Him,” that is we are talking not just about laughter, but about rude ridicule. Probably, insulting words were spoken to the Savior, they scolded Him, called Him insane.

And it is difficult for us to endure reproach, and it is especially bitter if we are offended by those to whom we are disposed and to whom we try to do good. For example, we want to help a person fulfill hard work, offer different solutions- and in response we hear a laugh. Or we ask for forgiveness after a quarrel, in which we are not even to blame, but we are greeted with an ironic remark. It hurts us, and it seems impossible not to judge.

But remember: how did the Savior react to ridicule? When the family of Jairus began to laugh at Him, He only became even more filled with pity for them, realizing that their insulting laughter expresses heartache, grief from the loss of a beloved child.

And we must understand: an evil mockery in any case shows that a person is suffering. The lips always “speak from the abundance of the heart”, and the one who spoke to us impolitely revealed his pain, his bitterness. Something is happening in his heart. Maybe he endures internal abuse, or someone offended him. And we should pity him, not turn away in indignation.

Christ was not offended by those who “cursed Him” and did not immediately leave this house, but hastened to comfort these people and resurrected the maiden. So, when we hear ridicule, we will try to console a person who has revealed his inner wound in front of us - to console with meek treatment, caring, kindness. And sometimes it’s enough just not to show in any way that we noticed his mocking tone, that is, to continue communication as if nothing had happened.

Often a mocking person himself sees that he is behaving badly, but he simply cannot help himself. And for him it is a considerable consolation that they do not take offense at him, but endure with love. Here's what else is interesting: when we show such patience with a person, he will notice this over time, and his heart responds with a good feeling in return.

Let us recall another example from the Gospel - how the Savior endured mistrust from his neighbors. It is especially surprising that this insult was not inflicted on Him by strangers, but by very close ones, those with whom He communicated from childhood, that is, His brothers. How did it happen? "Jesus walked in Galilee, because he did not want to walk in Judea, because the Jews were looking to kill Him." But here "the Jewish feast was approaching - the setting up of tabernacles." And the brothers of the Savior began to insist that He still go to Judea and show His power.

Why did they demand it? Because they didn't believe in him. They said boldly to the Savior: “Why are You staying in Galilee? After all, You do such great things - don't You want everyone to know about You? No one does anything in secret, and seeks to be famous himself. If You are a Prophet, then reveal Yourself to the world, go to Judea. What are you afraid of?". These words were extremely insulting: the brothers not only did not believe the Lord, but also accused Him of cowardice and vanity.

Distrust, an unfair accusation is one of the most difficult insults. We know this from our own experience. In such cases, we are immediately offended and, perhaps, even respond non-peacefully.

And how did the Savior respond to the accusations of the brothers? He meekly explained to them why he did not want to go to Judea: "My time has not yet come." He answered the brethren also to their other embarrassment – ​​that He was seeking worldly glory. “I do not try to please this world, on the contrary, I testify of it that its deeds are evil, and for this the world hates Me. You see, I'm not looking for glory," that's all the Lord said.

He did not reproach the brothers in response, did not try to justify himself and prove that He is indeed the very long-awaited Messiah. He understood that their minds were still weak and now they simply cannot accommodate this great and terrible secret. He simply answered their specific questions, without any anger, calmly, applying to their reasoning.

In fact, the neighbor is not obliged to be wise and perspicacious, is not obliged to understand us. He has his own mindset, his internal problems and temptations, their sorrows and weaknesses. Therefore, let us allow our neighbor to think of us as he wants and to speak to us as he feels. We just need to endure it, cutting off the thoughts of resentment and condemnation. And then we will gain much more than if we defended our dignity with fury - we will gain peace of mind.

Again and again I want to call you: let's love each other without making any conditions, without any requirements. In other words, let us every minute force ourselves to humility, indulgence and patience. If we do not do this, then battles will ceaselessly rise up in our hearts, filling our lives with meaningless, useless sorrow. And if we agree to accept each person as he is, then we will never lose peace, joy, love.

Elder Emilian has wonderful words:

“When a neighbor opens his mouth, then know that he will not speak to you as it is proper to speak to you, but according to what is in his heart. If he is a man from the countryside, ill-mannered, uncircumcised in heart, then that is how he will speak to you. You need to accept people for who they are. If you want their minds to change immediately, now, their lives, their views, their hearts, their attitude towards you, then nothing will come of you.

“Here, listen to what Abba Isaiah says: “If you cannot endure the words of your neighbor and take revenge on him, then battles will rise up in your heart, bringing illness to your heart.” “So, if I do not tolerate my neighbor, then my heart hardens and hurts, and I lose my mental fortitude. If I manage to love him and accept him as he is, then I will have peace.”

Let us also add that Christ, despite the offense inflicted on Him, did not move away from His brothers, did not stop communicating with them and teaching them. And subsequently two of them, the apostles Jude and James, became His zealous followers and accepted the crown of martyrdom for Him. When we humble ourselves before our neighbors, it wins their hearts over to us rather than when we strive hard to be respected.

In His earthly life, the Savior also endured one more, more bitter temptation- misunderstanding from the closest people, from His disciples. When His brothers in the flesh offended Him, perhaps it was not yet as painful as the insult from those people who seemed to be His brothers in spirit, to whom He revealed the most intimate, great secrets! That's how it was.

The Savior came to Jerusalem, and around Him, as usual, the people gathered. These were people who already knew Him and seemed to genuinely love Him. They listened with delight to His teachings and said of Him, "This is truly the Prophet who is to come into the world." And so Christ decided to tell them the most sublime truths. He began to speak of the infinite mercy of God to the human race; He promised that He would nourish them with His life-giving Flesh, and that His Divine Blood would flow in their veins, and whoever desired would gain eternal life through it.

But what did he hear in response? Some grumbled and said, “What is he talking about? What is the Son of God? Is this not Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How does He say: I came down from heaven? Others argued among themselves: "How can He give us His Flesh to eat?" And “many of His disciples”, listening to His revelations, said: “What strange words! Who can listen to this?

Just now, these same disciples looked at the Savior with such reverence, they hung on His every word - it seemed they understood everything! And now their faces darkened, they hide their eyes and move away one by one. The Gospel says that it was from this time - that is, after Christ revealed to His disciples greatest secrets It was then that many departed from Him and no longer walked with Him. Imagine how much it hurt!

Sometimes we have to endure such an insult. More often this happens, of course, with confessors and mentors. How they desire to give their spiritual children all their love, all the warmth of their souls, how they try to reveal to them the secrets of spiritual life! But children who succumb to some kind of passion sometimes do not accept this love and stubbornly answer: “What strange words! I can't listen to this!"

Any person can also face misunderstanding. For example, we wanted to help someone, and we invite someone we trust to participate in this good deed - and he refuses, and even, maybe, makes fun of us. When we receive such an unexpected blow, we want to reproach the offenders: “I thought they understood everything! I'm talking, but they don't seem to hear!

Let us remember what Christ said when many of His disciples turned back. He turned to the twelve apostles and asked: “Do you also want to go away?” He did not utter a word of condemnation about the departed, did not try to restrain those who remained, but gave freedom to all. The Savior told the apostles: “They wanted to leave, well, so be it. And you, My beloved brethren, may also go—if you will.” Of course, Christ did not reject the apostles from Himself, but only showed that His love is completely disinterested, that He does not force them to do anything.

And we are called to acquire in our hearts a love that does not bind our neighbor, that “never ceases,” even if our neighbor wounds us in the very heart. The Lord sometimes allows misunderstandings and misunderstandings in monasteries too, in order for us to practice love. If there were no such misunderstandings, how could we succeed? How would we acquire the spirit of Christ?

I really like one reasoning of Elder Emilian:
“One of the great, one might say, unique benefits of a cenobitic monastery is that many people live together, so that each, having his own character, can become an underwater rock in your life. One is an insult, the other is contempt, the third is a refusal, and all of them together do nothing but prepare, perfect you and open the way for the Holy Spirit into your heart. If there are no such people, there is nothing to do in the hostel ...

Yes, but you will say to me: “What if my brother is wrong? Is it right for him to do whatever he wants with me? Of course yes! This is right and natural, because a person acts in accordance with his character. He behaves the way his father and mother behaved, in accordance with his hereditary qualities, with the life he has lived up to now. All of this falls on me. What, in fact, I can do is to accept everyone as he is, and especially when he does not understand me, when he goes against me, because this can make me a saint.

Christ showed us this path - the path of perfect, complete and unconditional indulgence towards our neighbors.

Of course the most amazing example we see non-judgment in the way the Savior treated Judas Iscariot. When we talk about Judas, we first of all remember his betrayal. But now I would like to talk about something else. Before committing betrayal, Judas had been one of the closest disciples of the Savior for three years and was almost never separated from Him. How were those three years? What did Christ have to go through?

Imagine, next to Him, in the immediate environment, there was always a person devoted to passions. Most of all, Judas fought the passion of the love of money, and also, according to some interpreters, envy. Probably, these passions did not immediately manifest themselves in Judas. At first, he sincerely and devotedly loved the Lord, he was ready, like the other apostles, to give Him his whole life. But then the devil began to tempt Judas and gradually incline him to betrayal.

The Savior, of course, saw this gradual fall, which for others remained unnoticed. He knew that Judas appropriated the money that belonged to their little brotherhood, and saw how Judas more and more agrees with the thoughts of betrayal that the devil puts in him. Christ constantly felt the breath of sin and death coming from Judas. And one can imagine what grief He endured, because he was one of the twelve closest, beloved of His disciples!

Sometimes we have to communicate closely with a person who treats us biased. Every day we face manifestations of his hostility. No matter what we say to him, no matter what we ask, in response we always hear dissatisfaction, objections, and maybe even rudeness. And as a rule, we fence ourselves off from such a person, try not to communicate with him, and if communication is inevitable, then we arm ourselves with coldness.

But Christ showed us otherwise. Did He condemn Judas, who succumbed to passions so strongly? Have you tried to get rid of it? We know not. Christ until the very last moment left Judas among His closest disciples. To the traitor, as if faithful, He revealed the most secret secrets. He never punished Judas with severity, but on the contrary, he always treated him especially gently and carefully. If He openly reproached the other apostles, for example, the Apostle Peter or the brothers James and John, then Judas never directly rebuked Judas, realizing that he would not bear this and would immediately fall away from His Teacher.

The Savior tried to arouse repentance in him with careful hints. St. John Chrysostom writes, admiring the wise behavior of the Lord: “Look how He spares the traitor: He does not say directly: “This one will betray Me”; but: "One of you" - in order to again give him the opportunity to repent by hiding him. The Lord never changed his meek, merciful attitude towards Judas. Even knowing that he had already sold him for thirty pieces of silver, Christ washed his feet - the first of all the disciples, according to the interpretation of St. John Chrysostom.

Then the Lord honored him to partake of His Body and Blood. And even at the very moment of betrayal in Garden of Gethsemane The Savior greeted Judas with a warm, affectionate greeting: "Friend, what have you come for?" In this appeal - friend - there was no hidden meaning, no irony, as sometimes happens with us. The word of the Lord is always simple and sincere, it does not double. And when He said to the traitor: friend, He really felt that way.

This great love is incomprehensible to us, but nevertheless, according to our strength, we can imitate the Savior - in humility, meekness, self-denial in relation to any person, and especially in relation to people who openly show hostility or even hatred towards us. Such people, like no one else, need our compassion and love. And if we speak coldly to them, it means that we do not have the spirit of Christ in us. Christ never treated Judas worse than the other apostles, and gave him everything that he gave to others - so we must give each person all our love, without any measure.

A good example is given by Elder Emilian:

“I know that you hate me. However, today you need me or you have been sent to me. I have to act like I don’t know about your hatred, and even if you can’t restrain yourself and show me your attitude”, “I don’t speak badly to you in return, but I treat you kindly, cordially.” "And this is not a lie, but love, which shows that I agree to go ahead." "I act nobly, imitating the Lord."

Now I would like once again to take a look at all those people who surrounded the Lord when He lived on earth. Next to Him were people corrupted, corrupted by a sinful life; there were handicapped and sick people; His closest disciples showed various infirmities and passions, and one of them became a traitor. The people around Christ mocked Him, did not believe Him, rejected Him. And the Lord served them, endured them, accepted everything from them. And what finally did the Lord do for all these people? What became the crown of His non-judgment and love? crucifixion.

And for us, crucifixion should be the main criterion for our relationship with our neighbors. This could be discussed separately.

What is the Crucifixion of the Lord?

Crucifixion is sacrifice. Every day, in dealing with our neighbors, we can sacrifice something for them: our habits, our convenience, our opinion, our dignity. Whenever we deny ourselves for the sake of our neighbor, our heart is freed from the passion that kept God out. And when we adopt this spirit of sacrifice for ourselves, we will be able not to condemn anyone, to love every person, no matter what he is.

The crucifixion also shows us the highest degree of patience. In the book of Elder Joseph the Hesychast, an amazing incident is described.

“One brother told me ... (here the elder speaks in secret about himself) ... one brother told me that once he had sadness because of a certain brother whom he advised, but he did not obey, and there was great sadness because of him . And, praying, he went into a frenzy. And he sees the Lord, nailed on the Cross, all surrounded by light. And, raising his head, Christ turns to him and says: “Look at Me, how much I endured for you! What are you tolerating?”

And with this word, sadness dissolved, he was filled with joy and peace, and, pouring out streams of tears, he was surprised, and is surprised at the condescension of the Lord.

Crucifixion is a symbol of forgiveness. St. John Chrysostom writes: “You imitate God, you become like God when you forgive together with Him.” When do we forgive with Christ? When we suffer without guilt, it is unfair. How often it happens, and how difficult it is for us to forgive in such cases! But we will always say to ourselves: “The Lord was also not to blame for anything, and yet he ascended the cross and forgave us all from the cross, forgave me specifically, personally.”

And in this we will find a cure for any hostility, for any condemnation. As long as we live on earth, it is impossible for us not to grieve and be upset. And so the Lord gave us the means so that we could live on earth in peace and love. This means is to forgive beyond all human justice.

Finally, I would like to recall another example of the Savior's love for people - what happened after His glorious resurrection. The Lord, who suffered so much from people, humiliated and crucified by them, returned to them not with a reproach, not with a denunciation. As one ancient commentator writes,

“Christ does not frighten them with His power, but appears with His fiery love. He does not confuse them with His power, but honors them with the love of a brother and warmly greets them: “Rejoice!”

And if you knew how I would like, how happy I would be, if we treated each other with the same extreme reverence, with such an irresistible desire to please each other!

St. Basil the Great writes beautifully about this:

“Hurry to say a word of consolation before all other speeches, showing love for your neighbor. Whether you are in a monastery and go to your brother, whether you are a husband and go to your wife, whether you are a father or mother and approach your child, hasten to say a word of consolation.

And Elder Emilian supplements his words: “What you want to say to a person, say after you first say a few words to him that will bring him respite, joy, and consolation. Make him say: I calmed down, rejoiced! Make your neighbor jump for joy when he meets you. After all, all people in their lives, homes, bodies, souls have some kind of pain, weakness, difficulties. Everyone hides this pain, but it is there. And therefore, at every meeting, first of all, give a person a smile, no matter who he is ... And then God, seeing love and paradise in your heart, seeing that you have accommodated everyone in it, cannot but take you into paradise too ” .