How to set a goal and achieve it (advice). Setting and achieving goals

The premise of REBT is that people are happiest when they set important goals for themselves. life goals and tasks and actively try to achieve them, however, in doing so, a person must keep in mind the fact that he lives in society: defending his own interests, it is necessary to take into account the interests of the surrounding people.

REBT is hedonistic in the sense that people can enjoy the present moment and the future, and can come to this with the maximum of freedom and discipline, since human nature is perceived as complex and changeable. Hence the thesis that there is probably nothing superhuman, and that a devout belief in superhuman powers usually leads to addiction and growth. emotional instability. REBT attaches particular importance to will and choice in all human affairs, while accepting the probability that some of the actions of people are partially determined by biological, social and other forces. But no matter how unacceptable and antisocial the behavior of some individuals, there are no people "inferior" or worthy of damnation. While human nature has a biological tendency to think irrationally and dysfunctionally, it also has a constructive biological tendency to use the will to choose and work to change its dysfunctional thinking and behavior.

Consequently, REBT deals mainly with evaluative, emotional and behavioral disorders.. According to REBT, psychological problems arise as a result of dissatisfaction in the past, present, and future of the requirements that a person has put forward for himself and the world around him. And there are two main types of psychological problems:

1. bullying, self-abasement ("I'm bad", "I'm unworthy") - ego problems; a rational and healthy alternative to self-deprecation is unconditional acceptance, which includes refusing to surrender to one's own self. unequivocal assessment and recognizing one's fallibility;

2. exaggeration negative sides situations and the reaction “I can’t stand this” - discomfort problems, or low frustration tolerance; Tolerating discomfort for the sake of achieving a goal and future happiness is a healthy and rational alternative to demanding immediate fulfillment of desires.

Thus, according to REBT, the two main components of the rational-emotional image are psychologically healthy person is self-acceptance and a high tolerance for frustration.

A. Ellis, considering the question of how psychological disorders are fixed, postulates for a person the need to come to 3 main insights:

People tend to solve their psychological problems by following their "naive" theories about the nature of these problems. They lack what REBT calls insight number 1: understanding that psychological disorders are often determined mainly by the absolutist views that people have about negative life events("B" conditions "C"). People make wrong assumptions about the causes of their problems and try to change "A" rather than "B".

People can have insight number 1, but not happen insight #2: People remain in their frustration by re-convincing themselves of their absolutist views in present.

Even if a person has had both of these insights, he may still suffer from his problems, due to the fact that he did not have insight #3: only if a person works hard and trains to think, feel and act contrary to his irrational views and beliefs both in the present and in the future, he can change and become much calmer. In order to discern the pathological cycle they have fallen into, they need to vigorously and continuously challenge their destructive ideas in cognitive, emotional and behavioral terms.

Since REBT is a cognitive type of counseling and psychotherapy, it great place Dedicated to working with the cognitive determinants of the problem, as well as with secondary and tertiary constructs - in thoughts, emotions and behaviors that reinforce the client's problem (for example, anxiety about anxiety, guilt about one's anger), which because of this, it is desirable to work with primarily. This allows you to work with rather complex cases.

Hello, Dear readers of the blog site!

Why are goals needed? Rules and secrets of success

Have you ever thought about Why are some people successful and rich, while others are poor and have not achieved anything in their lives? Personally, I hadn't thought about it before. All my life I have not set goals, did not make any plans for them achieving. After graduation, I got a job in the fire department, where I still work.

What have I achieved in life?

Yes, almost nothing special. I live from paycheck to paycheck, I go every day to SLAVE otu (service) and work hard for a penny.

My life depends on money, I have bosses who tell me what to do: go get this, bring that. I work every day in the hope of finishing up to retirement and providing my old age with at least some money, a means of subsistence.

Well, is that the goal?

And that's how most people live. They work in the hope of retirement, work hard for their uncle for a penny and are content with it. Most people come home after work and do household chores or have a beer in front of the TV.

They take out loans to buy cars and housing, and in the end, make ends meet. Some people have big salaries, some people hardly have enough money to live on. I don't want to say that these people don't set goals, they don't.

We all set goals and strive to achieve them, sometimes without noticing it.

Here is an example of my goals.

In 2001, I got a job in the on-site fire department, but I wanted to work in the “city”, I tried to transfer for a long time, and I succeeded a year and a half later.I did not make any plans, but simply worked and asked for a translation. If then I had thought through everything, outlined what needs to be done for my speedy translation, then everything would have turned out much faster. I am sure about that.

We all set some goals and achieve them, but this is only a small part of what we are capable of.

In fact, a person is able to achieve everything that he only wishes. To do this, you just need to set goals and achieve them.

SLAVES involuntarily

This heading was invented by me in order to identify the people about whom I will now speak. I will call them SLAVES.

Why?

Because it's true, read the article to the end, and you will understand everything ...

Anecdote: "Guest - baby:
- What will you be when you grow up?
“First as a doctor, as my mother wants, then as a pianist - this is the desire of my father, then as a pilot - at the insistence of my grandfather, and, finally, as a football player to please myself!”

Have you thought about what you want to achieve in life? What is the most important for you? What are you striving for and how are you going to achieve it?

I am sure that not all people are able to clearly answer these questions, and some do not even think about it. These are the people I call Slaves, those who plow for their uncle or the state, who do not have goals and plans to achieve them, who think about their stable job and pension, live paycheck to paycheck, etc.

Many of those who work for their pensions and live in near poverty do nothing to get out of this situation. They think about their salary, about how to finish the next working day and relax in the evening, take a break from WORK.

They would like to become successful and rich, they would like to do their favorite thing, getting satisfaction in all areas of life, and this is most likely their dream.

The fact is that dreams will remain dreams if you sit and do nothing, if you do not set specific goals for yourself and do not achieve them.

One of the main reasons for this state of affairs is fear.

At work, for low-quality work, management threatens to reduce wages, fire you, or punish you in other ways. You begin to think only about how to prevent this, all your thoughts are connected with fears.

You work and strive for some kind of stability and are afraid to lose it. Intimidation and threats is one of the methods of subjugating people, a way to make them work and not think about their well-being.

If you see such a SLAVE in yourself, then read this article to the end, it will open your eyes and get rid of any prejudices...

Ask any slave:

What is stopping you from doing what you love? What is stopping you from starting your own business? What is stopping you from changing your life for the better?

Here is what the RAB will say:

— I don’t have money to start my own business (open my own business);

- I can't do it

- nothing will work for me;

- if it were so easy, then everyone would be doing it and be rich and successful, etc.

Friends, that's all. complete nonsense. Here are the main reasons for the failures of these people:

- lack of goals and plans;

- fear;

- lack of confidence in oneself and one's skills;

- unwillingness to do anything to achieve their well-being.

And not lack of money and inability.

You can add some more barriers to success here, I will be glad if you supplement my article in the comments.
Often SLAVES look at successful people with envy, sometimes they hate them. They think that these people got everything easily and they never fail.

Nothing like this! To dispel these misconceptions, I strongly recommend that you read biographies of great, successful people.

You will understand that they also have failures and disappointments, that they achieved everything with great difficulty. In addition, this is a very useful activity, it will allow you to change your thinking.

I recommend that you read the book Napoleon Hill "Think and get rich" , there are many examples of what people are capable of when they set a goal and achieve them. By the way, I am currently reading this book myself.

Change your mindset

The biggest barrier to success is the way a person thinks. This includes fears, self-doubt, and everything I talked about above.

Now I will dwell on these things in more detail, and I will try to prove to you that these are just prejudices.

1. Self-doubt

If you think that you will not be able to succeed in any undertaking, if it seems to you that you are not capable of this, then this is not so. In order to dispel this myth, just look at other successful people, look into their past, see where they started, and who they were before they became successful.

Look at the biographies of many famous people. You will see that many of them come from poor families, they did not have money to live on. Their secret lies in setting and achieving goals. Many were obsessed with their goals and did everything to achieve them.

They are believed in achieving the set goals.

Faith- this is a very powerful force that allows you to achieve unprecedented results, remember this! Faith is a motivator that moves you only forward.

Now ask yourself a question: What did I do to achieve my goal?

2. Fear

Fears are different. For example, the fear of losing a stable job - if it pays a penny, why be afraid then?
Fear of public speaking - to hell with this nonsense, there are a lot of methods and trainings, study, work on yourself.

Fear that nothing will work out - if a person has set a goal for himself, he must believe only in success, otherwise he really may not succeed. Faith must overcome this fear.

3. I can't do it the way others can

Initially, no one could. Basically, work on yourself. All successful people do only what they like. Do you think they have always been experts in their field, no, they learned everything long years so why not learn what you love.

You only need to do what you like. If you are not enthusiastic about your work, you will never succeed. If work is hard labor for you, then why do you need it? Life is to be enjoyed, not endured.

Do you agree?

SLAVES tend to blame all their failures and problems on other people. Everyone around is to blame, but not them. Each person builds his own life, he chooses his profession. No one is to blame for the fact that you do not have enough money to live, no one is to blame that you work at a job that you do not like.

Consider: What have you done to change your life?

Don't listen to anyone, don't let anyone take your dream away from you. When I started blogging, everyone around me (even those close to me) told me that I was doing bullshit, and now there are people who tell me this. They say: this is nonsense, you will not achieve anything here, there are thousands of such blogs, etc.

Avoid such people, they steal your dream and interfere with you achieve your goals. I have not paid any attention to such people for a long time, I have a goal, and I will achieve it.

What is the purpose?

Never quit what you started. If you set a goal, then go to the end, believe in it, be obsessed with it. In the book "Think and get rich" there is great example. We are talking about gold diggers who, literally a meter away, stopped from a gold mine and abandoned their business. Then this mine brought in millions of dollars.

Don't be afraid of failure. All successful people have had failures. Failure is an invaluable experience that is necessary like air. Failure should be accepted as something useful and valuable. You need to treat them positively and accept them. It's like a rubdown cold water- hardening for the body.

Now think about what you want most in your life. Set a goal for yourself and write it down on a piece of paper.

Recorded?

Now think about what you need to do to achieve this goal.

If this is difficult for you, then I give a hint: carefully read this article again! Think of yourself are you ready to change your life? Are you ready to change yourself? If yes, then great!

The very first thing you must do is change the mindset of a SLAVE, you must believe that you are the same person as all successful people. You must believe that everything can be achieved, nothing is impossible. You need to convince yourself that everything is real, that nothing is impossible. You must believe...

Let's say your goal is to earn $3,000 a month. You are probably asking me now: So how can I earn them?

Nobody will give you exact plans for earnings. If you change your thinking, set yourself a goal and do something to achieve it, then in one beautiful moment, you will understand: what you need to do.

The main thing is to believe in it.

Opportunities will come to you, the main thing is to see them and not miss them.

Here is another example from my life.

In 2005, I worked as an inspector of state fire supervision, fire safety of facilities. Worked normally, responsibly, but especially not overworked. Once I was summoned by the chief and offered the position of senior inspector of the State Patrol Service. I gladly agreed, and continued to work as before, in the same mode. As a result, I was never appointed to a new position. Then I found out that the boss decided not to appoint me, because he did not see the desire and desire. The person who was appointed to this position became the head of the department a year later, and a year later he became the deputy head of the State Patrol Service. That's how it is friends. I could have been in his place if I'd made a little effort then, but I didn't. I missed my opportunity.

Rules for success - SECRET!

My goals. Internet business is my future

My goal is to gain freedom and financial independence. I'm tired of being a SLAVE, tired of depending on money, on work, tired of following other people's orders. What will happen if I am laid off, what will happen if I lose my job?

I didn't know how to achieve my goals. I've spent days trying. Advertised affiliate programs, tried, stumbled upon different ones.

Then I realized that for good earnings necessary .

The blog has become a step towards my goal, and the key to achieving it. When I created the blog, I did not know at all and did not understand what I would do with it. I thought like this: I will develop, work, and there it will be visible ("").

Of course, you can make money on a blog without plans, just develop it, benefit people. That is what I am doing now. But this is not enough ... You can’t earn so much, and the path to achievement of goals will be very long.

Even before creating the blog, I became interested in the info business, I studied the lessons of Azamat Ushanov, I understood that there is money in the info business, and not small ones.

And so I came up with the idea of creating my own paid video course, which will help me fulfill my dream and achieve my goal.

Before I start working on it, I myself have a lot to learn. Therefore, this summer I plan to record two free video courses for beginners in the blogosphere, one of which will be dedicated to blog promotion, the second is still secret.

Here are the plans to achieve their main goals.

Highly important point is the designation of their plans and goals in such a form as if they had already been achieved. This is psychological factor, which will help you achieve your goals and strengthen your faith in them.

All my goals you can look at. In the near future I will deal with it specifically, I will sign each step.

With this article, I open a new section: « Personal growth» which will be updated regularly!

In order not to miss the release of new posts, I recommend you my blog.

That's all for me. Set goals, believe in them and achieve them! These are the rules for success!

How do you like the article?

Sincerely,

Discussion: 48 comments

I like to do this - I wrote down on adhesive paper what needs to be done today, pasted it on the laptop panel and started doing it - it's nice when you see that all the points are crossed out and you can calmly relax or take a walk

Sasha, your articles are getting better and more interesting every day. 🙂

Maybe it's professionalism.

And plans have to be made. That's for sure. This should become an axiom for everyone. I have seen this in my own skin.

In fact, you are right, we are all slaves, and dependent on our work!! Motivating article 🙄

So far everything seems to be going according to plan in my life. But as for the blog, then something I stalled at 130 visits a day. 🙂

I agree with Andrey, the article is super! Engaging and motivating. It is clear that you will achieve your goals. It just feels.

Passed your free course, liked. I can imagine what the paid one will be like... I'm thinking about something like this and your example spurs me on, but it's very hard to keep up with you. Just crazy pace. Soon you will overtake Sasha Borisov 😉 .

One of the best articles on Alexander's blog! 😉

Yes, inspiring article. After all, for sure, not everyone knows that 95% of all people in the world are employed and help to live beautifully and with dignity for the rest of the 5% of the world's population. And it is precisely in these five percent that all the money in the world is concentrated, and in fact, it is they who rule everything.

It's a shame to realize that we all depend on a small handful of people who, in fact, decide our fate. After all, as a rule, all these people sit in the parliaments of different countries and do everything to get even richer at the expense of "mere mortals." They don't care how they achieve their goals. If they want to start a war, because they need somewhere to sell weapons or food products, they will make it all happen. And we “mere mortals” will be shown in the news that the conflict was provoked by the other side and we are simply forced to respond and fight for our independence. They don't give a damn about going and dying. The main thing is that the lava drips ...

P.S Maybe this is loudly said and not entirely in the topic of the article, but it seems to me that in our world everything is exactly what happens.

It is very sad to realize that we do not belong to those 5% that rule the whole world ... we have not matured with those dads! But still, I believe that 90% of our success depends only on ourselves! A person who wants to live in abundance and thinks differently, he is looking for a job and not a job! After all, many do not even understand the difference between these two concepts of "work" and "earnings"! I set myself a goal - to buy an apartment and go ahead - turn on your brains and think about how to make money on it ... and don’t sit and recalculate "where" you can spend a penny salary and how to make it to the advance ...

Alexander, I simply do not have words to express my gratitude.

This article cheered me up 100%. Thank you for support.

But many people give up halfway to the goal, not only because of a lack of faith in their own strength, but also because of a lack of understanding of loved ones who are trying to do “good”, because they know what is “right” and what is “wrong”. :👿

And how not to break down here, if instead of support and faith, relatives spread rot, consider STUPID AND STUPID 😕

Being a slave is cool!

The goals set for oneself are achieved only if there is a desire to achieve, change, move forward. Of course, you can even write all the walls in the apartment, draw motivating pictures and wait, scratching one place, when a bag of bucks falls on your head. You need to start acting right now! Alexander is right, and who did not understand, read the post again.

By the way, being a slave is stupid!

Alexander thanks for the article, very motivating! But I remembered one episode quite funny:

One man really wanted to be a singer, he sang everywhere, in his club in the village, he came to the program “let's get married”, and there he arranged this, the whole hall was dying of laughter. I saw him at the moment of glory, he sang a song ... the whole hall already stood up and raised thumb to the bottom and shouted many "down with him from the stage." Well, this scene was not his - neither voice nor hearing, although he wanted to be a singer so much ...

This is just an example, but how to understand what is “yours” and what is “not yours”? Otherwise, you can beat your head all your life, achieve something, and as a result, life has been lived and you have not achieved anything. How to find your talent?

Victor

Trial and error method. 🙂

Although if a person has a real talent, then it can be seen immediately. For example, a talent for drawing, etc.

Life should be enjoyed, not endured - golden words 🙂

And I don’t want to set any goals, for me a blog is a hobby, a vacation, why put myself in some kind of framework? Write according to your mood, positively, and everything will be OK

Yes, goals are everything. Skillful goal setting and the ability to highlight the main thing is the key to success

The first blog in my account that encourages the desire to write comments. Thank you very much! And ... no ... there will be no link to an external resource))))

Alexander, after retiring due to his seniority, began to maintain sites, it looks like you and I are colleagues. I don’t want to choose or retrain for another profession, there are many opportunities to find a decent income for myself on the worldwide web. I fully agree with your views on financial independence. There are a lot on your site. useful information!

Yes, everyone should have a goal. Sometimes just one goal is enough to prolong a person's life. I have an article on my blog in which I described one case. Here is the gist of it in short. There lived a middle-aged woman with two children of eight and five years old (I don’t remember exactly), and her grandmother was dying, she literally lived last days. And suddenly this woman dies, leaving a dying grandmother and her young children. In order not to send children to Orphanage, grandmother got out of bed and lived for another six (!) years, until the eldest girl was able to take care of her younger sister. Here is the GOAL! Having something like this, it is simply impossible not to achieve success.

And finally, Alexander. As one of your commentators said, “I apologize for the tediousness”, but a small remark. Very spoil great article annoying typos. This is just the same fly in the ointment in a barrel of honey.

Great article, I agree with every word!

To start a business, you need at least one salary, one salary is enough (I invested 20 thousand rubles) - the main thing is an interesting idea!

Surely you watched the programs of Oleg Tinkov, I learned about Napoleon Hill from the BS program. I read Think and Grow Rich recently, but Tinkov's first book is 100% cooler! That's real motivation!

Impressive article Alexander. I read Vadim Zeland, he describes the same thing. Reading this makes me want to completely change my life.

If you don't have goals, then you won't be successful. One book contains interesting example: a person with no purpose just kicks the air.

But it is also important to put real goals and write them down in detail in a notebook. Sachala short-term (for the near future), and then long-term (for a more distant future).

Read on the phone. I read it in one breath!! I got out of bed, took a laptop and write a comment 🙂

I have been working as an engineer in an energy company for 3 years, prospects, career... And in the end, a negligible salary and the understanding that I do not want to remain a SLAVE. I created my blog a month ago this moment not a peach, but a sea of ideas, and set goals. And your post, Alexander, made me believe that I'm not the only one who thinks outside the box. Thank you for the blog, article and believing in yourself. Good luck to you!

I noticed on my own, until I define something specific, and put a plan to achieve the result, then nothing happens, as soon as I start planning and visualizing the result, everything turns out right away.

When there are no goals, it is generally not clear what to do. It happens that you grab everything and nothing happens. In order to have order in your head, you need to create it first in your head. What do you think?

So far everything seems to be going according to plan in my life. I set a goal to buy a domain with hosting on 11/30/13 16:22 and bought it at 17:22. Late, but done)

Yes, employers want their employees to be slaves, which is why they are treated that way. The link to the movie does not work, I'll look on the Internet.

95% of people live "in a cage" in which they are imprisoned by the state. To get out of it, you need to find the right environment that will support and encourage you to take action. Well, set the right goals. With those who pull down - say goodbye.

Before, I didn’t set goals for myself, I just did everything, in the end it turned out that I had to do a lot of things, but so little was done. Because I could not make a clear plan, goals and allocate my time.

Now everything is different, I sometimes have ideas in unexpected places, and mostly outside the house.)) Therefore, I made it a habit to carry a notebook and a pen with me and immediately write down my ideas and thoughts. Otherwise, I’ll just simply forget everything later and really regret that I didn’t write it down.

Alexander, your article is replete with dissatisfaction with life. If you want to change yourself, change yourself, it is not necessary to condemn those who “plow from paycheck to paycheck for their uncle.” This is their choice, life, such people are by no means stupid and not afraid. It’s just that people are different: for one, happiness is to be your own master, other people are good performers, and there are also free artists. It is also not necessary to compare a working person with a slave. Slavery is a state of mind. If a person feels free in his activity, he is free. Regardless of how it looks from the outside. I love articles in the first person :) When a person still writes about himself, without being interrupted by any "we, you, slaves." Then it looks really mature reasoning and does not need loud epithets and scary illustrations.

And they also tell me that the site is “nonsense”, they constantly reproach me for everything.

They say that they say “you will not achieve anything”, etc., etc.

They try to dissuade without any knowledge.

But we hold on! -right?

I had no problems in the blogosphere and management of my sites.

I loved blogging, I loved writing, and I still do.

I like to develop my site and attract an audience.

Therefore, I did not feel a rake like spam and spamming

Making plans is great. Even better - go to the goal. But so the whole life can pass in achieving these goals, and there will even be nothing to remember. Sometimes you just need to enjoy life, relax, spend time with people who are pleasant to your heart.

Wow! Great post! It just makes you want to get out there and take action!

How to set goals

This chapter is about a happiness strategy based on choosing one or more important goals and devoting time and effort to achieve them. Obviously, there are as many ways to achieve a goal as there are goals themselves. But research shows that the most successful achievers have a few common features. I have developed a series of suggestions (see below) to help you create and follow a goal achievement program.

Choose Your Goals Wisely (Part 1)

As we said in the previous section, the pursuit of goals that we have chosen ourselves, which are authentic, formulated positively, do not contradict each other, require active action and remain flexible and realistic, brings more happiness than the pursuit of external, someone imposed, worded negatively, contradictory friend, depending on the circumstances and too rigid goals. These findings are based on decades scientific research. So to begin with, consider your most important goals and aspirations 18 .

"My Most Important Goals"

Instruction. Please think about goals that are currently important to you or were important to you. recent times. “Goals” are intentions, desires, and aspirations. Write down one to eight of your most important goals below.

Now - for each of the goals written above - check which attributes it has from those listed in the left column, and which from those listed on the right.

If any of the items listed on the right apply to your goals, you may need to re-evaluate them, change or lower their priority. For example, if you find that your goals at work are related to external motivation and inauthentic, how can they be changed? Think about how your work makes the world a better place. You may have comforted a worried employee or customer, decorated a room, garden or street, cleared up something that was unclear, secured the area, helped someone solve a problem, taken care of environment etc.

A study of 1,018 working women found that they spend about 50% of their waking hours at work 19 . You can change your attitude towards work or change the job itself. If this figure makes you happy (or, for at least, neutral reaction), and not regret, it means that everything is in order with your work.

It is easier for us to strive for goals and achieve them successfully if they are related to something more important or have long term. Make sure your goals make sense to you. Do you want to become an artist simply because you enjoy painting, or does this goal give you a sense of direction and meaning?

Pleasure alone is not enough to keep us interested in a goal and encourage us to pursue it persistently over a long period of time. What matters most is value and meaning.

Choose Your Goals Wisely (Part 2)

What if you read the previous section and realized with dismay that you don't have a list of goals? What if you do not know what you want to devote your life to, what goals should you set for yourself? Don't despair, there are plenty of exercises to help you find important and meaningful goals 21 . First of all, think about what kind of legacy would you like to leave behind? Write down the answers. For example, what would you like your grandchildren and great-grandchildren to remember? Create short description your life, your values and your accomplishments as you would like to present them to your descendants, in the first person or even in the form of an obituary. “We need to carefully choose what we want to be remembered by posterity” 22 .

Another approach is to write down what you want to see adulthood their children (or future children): what kind of people they will become, what values they will follow, what goals they will strive for. Work on the text, adding and subtracting, until you are completely satisfied with it. This process will help you examine your life and your priorities and see clearly what is truly important to you. In this way, your goals will open up to you naturally. Reread the text regularly and remind yourself what is really important to you.

Assign your goals

How to make your goals authentic? Ken Sheldon once decided to find out how people could be helped to make their goals more authentic (for example, going to university, creating a romantic relationship, or mastering a particular sport) 23 . If you were a participant in his research, you would attend two sessions where you would be asked to think about how you can make your goals more interesting, more important, more meaningful, and more identified with them. You would be asked to rethink your "external" goals, that is, those goals that you have set for yourself just because someone is putting pressure on you, or because you would feel guilty or anxious if you abandoned them. You would be asked to “appropriate” such goals and “find in them new meaning”, especially if some of them become annoying or you do not see any visible success and you feel like giving up.

For example, if preparing for a presentation is difficult for you, you might think about the deeper meaning of this activity (for example, this presentation will help develop your career, allow you to learn new skills, etc.). You can also try to make the presentation process more fun, such as preparing it with a friend, finding a new slideshow program, or doing it during those hours of the day when work is most enjoyable.

Ken's research showed that those who were able to “own” external goals were more likely to achieve them and gradually began to feel happier. It also turned out that those whose goals are truly authentic are constantly evolving and are more likely to take advantage of new opportunities for growth. Those who do not “appropriate” their goals, on the contrary, stop in development and experience stagnation.

Perseverance and passion

The path to the goal, even if it is associated with intrinsic motivation, is not always strewn with roses. The realization of a dream - to become a mathematician, a fashion designer or a mother, requires hard work, perseverance, sometimes you have to sacrifice something and overcome failures. To become a professional in almost any field of activity, you need a lot of practice, patience and strength. Sometimes you have to take risks. Therefore, any goal requires perseverance, and even better - perseverance combined with passion, inspiration and enthusiasm. If persistence or enthusiasm is lacking, it is tempting to give up, especially if we are overcome by fatigue, boredom, or fear of moving on.

Passionate perseverance is helpful. It satisfies our need for belonging and gives us a sense of connection with other people because it often involves social interaction and commitment (helping the neighbor's son write a college essay, listening to a frustrated friend, babysitting a sick child, etc.). Persistence in achieving important goals also reinforces our sense of autonomy: at first glance, it limits our freedom, but the decision to pursue this or that goal we make voluntarily. Having meaningful goals also helps to resist social pressure (for example, when friends say, “Stop working, come to the club with us!”) And our own self-doubt (for example, when we think: “This is too difficult, looks like I’m going to have to give up.” "). When we pursue our dreams with passion and enthusiasm, we take full responsibility for our destiny and begin to know ourselves better.

If we talk about our goal in the presence of other people, this helps to achieve its implementation. Adolescents who tell friends they want to abstain from sex are more likely to keep that promise 24 . Citizens who confirm during polls that they intend to go to the polls are more likely to do so 25 . A study from the University of Scranton found that people who told someone about their "New Year's resolutions" were ten times more likely to keep them (e.g. stop smoking, improve relationships with loved ones, become vegetarians, etc.) than those who did not 26 .

Publicly stating a goal increases the likelihood that we will achieve that goal, in part because we want to appear consistent and trustworthy in our own eyes and in the eyes of others (for example: “I said I was applying for a managerial position, and I did it").

Create Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

My grandmother, Baba Valya, would have formulated this idea a little differently: “The one who does nothing is not mistaken.” The reverse is also true: if we do not try to act, do not make efforts, then we will not achieve anything. So as it calls us Nike, "just do it." If you believe in yourself and are optimistic about life - “I can become a successful doctor”, “despite my Hard childhood, I'll become good father”, “I can ask her out on a date”, then you will be more persistent, and whatever your dream may be, it will eventually come true. For example, studies show that those who on New Year's Eve decided to achieve some important dream and at the same time were confident that they could do it, are significantly more likely to achieve the goal 27 . This phenomenon is called a self-fulfilling prophecy: our beliefs tend to be confirmed and thus be realized in reality.

Social psychologists have accumulated enough evidence that if we just do something, it can change our attitude towards this activity 28 . For example, when we help someone, we often feel that our help is not in vain, and when we collect funds for some good cause, we begin to believe in this cause more. So take action, strive for your goals, even when in doubt. Actions themselves reduce or even completely dispel doubts.

In addition, as soon as we start to see progress towards a goal, for example, we find a new friend (if our goal is to create new social contacts), or we see that we are already able to support a simple conversation on Italian(if our goal is to learn Italian), then we feel a surge of inspiration and satisfaction with our successes, thereby laying the foundation for new successes 29 . This creates an upward spiral. Praise and reward yourself for achievement intermediate results, - it can also increase your chances of success and happiness in the future 30 .

Stay flexible

It is important to remain flexible in your goals and actions. If new barriers, constraints or unexpected opportunities arise, it is sometimes necessary to change or adapt aspirations and goals 31 . Suppose one of your main goals in recent years is to spend more time with your daughter's family. But you will find out that soon she and her children will move to another city, two hours away from your house. Research psychologists describe two types of control that people resort to in a given situation: primary control and secondary control 32 .

Primary control, which is often impossible, is associated with attempts to change the situation (for example, to convince the daughter to refuse to move or move herself), and secondary control is associated with a change in attitude to the situation (for example, to change one's goal).

Research shows that if we can adapt our goals to a new situation, it makes us happier. For example, your goal (to spend more time with your grandchildren) may remain the same, but intermediate goals may change, such as buying a computer and learning how to use a webcam, taking the train to see your daughter every weekend, etc.

Or another example: a person who has been seriously injured in a car accident can no longer play sports in the same way as before, but can replace the usual ones. physical exercise something else. A runner can, for example, do yoga or exercise on an exercise bike. At the same time, its goal (to support sportswear) will remain the same, but the intermediate targets will change.

The same logic applies when new opportunities open up before us. Being flexible means keeping your eyes and ears open and noticing new perspectives and opportunities in time. Then it will be easier for us to use them, and they will bring us more happiness. For example, if we learned about new program, which allows you to get a diploma by studying on weekends, we can immediately take advantage of this opportunity. Secondary control also helps to perceive difficulties or threats as challenges or opportunities. Your daughter's move may inspire you to take a driving class. When one door closes, another immediately opens.

Don't Underestimate Intrinsic Motivation

If we have found a goal that inspires us and gives meaning to our lives, we need to be careful and take good care of our intrinsic motivation. Sometimes we lose interest and enthusiasm for even the most important and pleasurable activities - if we feel that we are being forced, that we "should" do it. Social psychologists have convincingly shown that by receiving a reward for something that already brings us pleasure, we risk losing the fuse - that is, this business can turn from a game into work.

One of my acquaintances was very fond of literature and decided to write a dissertation on English literature. After a couple of years, she was accepted into graduate school, she had a very good reputation, and she began to take the necessary training courses in literature. That is, she received a reward for something that already brought her pleasure (and if she did not try too hard, then she risked not passing the test or exam). This reward - good grades and respect for teachers - in fact, became the second (external) reason for working on a dissertation. “I suddenly realized that I read books only to get good mark, not because I like them,” she told me during our last meeting. “I’m no longer interested in reading” – extrinsic rewards can undermine intrinsic motivation.

One classic and very elegant study demonstrated this phenomenon in children 33 . children from kindergarten(they all liked to draw) were divided into two groups. The kids from the first group were told that if they played with the "magic markers", then each of them had a chance to receive an award, "a bonus for the best game." The children from the second group just got to play with the markers (they weren't promised any rewards). A few weeks later, the researchers returned to the kindergarten and observed the children during "free play" hours. It turned out that children who expected to receive a reward were not as willing to play with "magic markers" as those who were not promised rewards - for them, a fun game turned into a "work" that needed to be "done".

Step by step: break big goals into milestones

When moving towards important goals, it is best to break them down into intermediate stages. Before you master all the secrets of French cuisine, you can first master a few dishes. The best thing is to develop a plan and follow it step by step. Those who succeed are more likely to achieve larger, more abstract goals 34 . Always remember the main goal.

Psychologists from Montreal interesting research: they decided to help pensioners find, plan and realize personal goals 35 . To do this, they developed the following experiment. For three months, participants met in small groups for two-hour weekly "workshops" where they "learned to manage their life goals." The experiment proved extremely successful; compared with control group the participants in the workshops became significantly happier, and this result was maintained even six months after the end of the experiment. The experiment really helped people learn to define their goals and achieve them. Let's look at what methods psychologists used in it. Note the planning steps followed by the study participants; you can follow them too.

In the first few meetings, the participants made a list of their personal aspirations, intentions and projects (for example, to communicate more with people, to devote more attention spiritual life, get a pet, etc.). In addition, they looked for and voiced any limiting beliefs associated with these goals (eg, "my friends don't want to hang out with me anymore" or "I could never afford a dog").

They then identified their highest priority goals and reflected on them. Suppose now your most important goal is to move to the city of your dreams. What effort will it take? What resources are needed for this? How much do you really enjoy living there? Etc.

Next, the participants chose a single goal (for example, learn Spanish), described it in specific terms (for example, speak fluently, write and read a little Spanish), and made personal commitments to achieve it. You can write your goal in your diary, write it on a piece of paper and post it in a prominent place, or announce it to family members or friends.

The next step is to create an intention: where, when and what you will do to achieve the goal (for example, study on your own from a textbook, take courses Spanish on Mondays, etc.). It is very important here to identify what difficulties you may encounter (for example, boredom, lack of time, frustration, criticism from family members) and to consider strategies for coping with them (for example, find interesting program learning, explain to family members how important this goal is to you, set aside enough time for study, study during your most productive hours, etc.). For example, you can learn to timely fix thoughts that you will fail, or notice when you lose motivation, and make a conscious effort to continue learning a language.

Then the participants in the experiment began to carry out their plan to achieve the goal. If they encountered any difficulties, the group provided them with emotional support.

From time to time, you need to reconsider or change the chosen goal and even question its priority ("should I move now?").

For example, one participant, Mrs. M., was going through a difficult period at the beginning of the experiment (her husband died five months ago, she felt lonely and helpless, and she also recently retired). At the end of the study, she set several goals for herself, successfully pursued them, and felt much happier 36 .

At first, she had four goals on her list: “find a worthy use for your talents,” “feel confident and independent again,” “get back to work or do charity work,” and “make new friends.” For work during the experiment, she chose the latter target. During the planning phase, Mrs M broke this goal down into specific steps: “visit retiree clubs, find new activities to participate in with other people” and “call acquaintances and friends without waiting for them to call.”

She listed such obstacles: sometimes she felt that she did not want to communicate with anyone, and grieved over the loss of her husband and job. In this process, the group supported and encouraged her. In addition, she decided to see a psychotherapist to alleviate the feelings associated with the loss.

The workshop facilitators noted that Mrs. M. had shown "outstanding courage" in achieving her goal (as well as in striving for more common purpose: to return to the energetic, determined woman she once was). By the end of the experiment, she reported that she had achieved 75% of her goal. She also felt that she was getting closer and closer to becoming her "old self" and experienced happiness in the process of achieving it.

So, persistent, passionate striving for a goal involves several intermediate stages. This process may not be easy, but it's not that difficult. All the necessary steps are logical: we start with a dream or vision of what we want, break this goal into small, specific milestones, determine what doubts or problems may arise in the process of moving towards the goal (and prepare for them), and then just act. Whether your goal is to get married, read all the great works of literature, become a skateboarder, an artist, or just a happier person, that's up to you. Just remember that happiness is brought first of all by the desire for goals, but their achievement is not always.

Mr. Schwengel

Before I end this chapter, I want to tell you a story about a man I interviewed in one of my studies. His name is Kurt Schwengel. He is an incredibly talented teacher and kindergarten teacher, winner of the Crystal Apple (“Best Teacher”) award, author of his own curriculum, which he constantly updates on his website. “Mr. Schwengel doesn’t like rules,” one girl in his group told me, and I assumed that he really happy man. And so it turned out. Kurt is an example of pure energy, enthusiasm, creativity and hard work. "I love my job. I would even do it for free,” he says. His work is his calling.

The strategy of happiness associated with achieving goals may seem boring at first glance, but it is not at all the case. To say that Kurt Schwengel has goals is to say nothing. He just gushes with targets. He makes videos of his students and comes up with new games that kids love. Every three weeks he changes the program, adding new topic. Children put on costumes of heroes, he selects music, conducts thematic classes and takes them on excursions (most of all, children love " star Wars”, as well as “Baseball”, “Japan” and “The Mystery of the Missing Swordfish”).

He takes the kids to local college basketball games, to the beach, to the dinosaur museum, and introduces them to bowling and sushi. Every morning at eight-thirty sharp, the kids burst into class like it's a rock star. He plans, creates, writes, dreams and speaks from morning to evening. He is phenomenally disciplined. (“In his class, you never, ever hear kids taunting each other,” the mother of one of his students told me.) He teaches five-year-olds to read, use scissors, and play bingo and football. And in free time he is busy with other interesting things.

But don't misunderstand me. Kurt Schwengel is neither a maniac nor a madman. He doesn't look happier than you and me. He is simply passionate about his work, he is in the “flow”, in constant interaction with children and adults, his work and life are exciting and full of meaning. As for the money, we all know that teachers don't get very big salaries.

Some teachers, unlike Kurt Schwengel, complain about hard work, rebellious children, anxious and demanding parents. We have already said that you can perceive the world, yourself, your family, work and the circumstances of your life in very different ways. The decision to become happier entails a choice: how we want to relate to life. This choice is in our hands. Kurt Schwengel has made his choice: he wants to fully realize his talent as a teacher. What you want is up to you.

If you have chosen this action for yourself, then the following may be useful to you.

1. Enjoy life (happy action #9).

2. Coping strategies (happy action #6).

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Man cannot live without a purpose, just as he cannot live without water and food. Everyone has a purpose in life. Even the one who sits on the couch all the time and drinks beer. It's just that his goal or "meaning" of life is to grow old on the couch with a close friend, cirrhosis, and surrounded by girlfriends of bottles. The outcome of the life of any person depends on how the setting of goals is carried out. That's about setting goals and I would like to talk to you today.

Before we talk about goal setting, let's find out what a goal is. We all know what it is, but we can't articulate it clearly. Perhaps this is due to the fact that each branch of science has its own definition of the term "goal". People often confuse concepts such as goal, dream and desire. They can be closely related and depend on each other. But these are still different concepts.
Desire generates a goal and makes you take action. But the desire can remain only the phrase “I would like to ..”, while the goal is always supported by actions.
A dream can consist of a chain of successive goals. A dream is something big, sometimes vague, so to speak, abstract and magical. But the goal always has a specific and clear formulation.
Goal setting is an important moment in the life of every person. Imagine that your life is a train that is speeding along the rails. But where is he going? If you don't ask him final destination, then he will go nowhere until he exhausts his resources. And it turns out that his whole path will be empty and meaningless. However, if the train has a timetable and a clearly defined destination, then the entire train journey makes sense. But for this to be so, it is necessary correct setting goals. Because even if the goal is set, but not formulated clearly enough, the actions aimed at its implementation may lead to a completely different result than you expected.

How to set goals so that they themselves work for your dream can be found in this article.
The importance of setting goals lies in the fact that if you have correctly identified and set goals for yourself, then they will enter your subconscious mind, program your brain (in good sense this word). Thanks to this, on a subconscious level, you will choose right decisions, attract the right people. In other words, goal setting will help you choose the right direction in life for you, and will guide you on the right path in life.
It is not in vain that we focus on the subconscious, because, unlike consciousness, which sees the world in a narrow spectrum, it is able to more fully perceive information from the surrounding world.

Therefore, you get more useful and necessary information to help you achieve your success and goals. For example, passing by the announcement “work for young and promising people”, our consciousness may give out: “networkers again ...”. But the subconscious mind, having evaluated the information not only from the pole, but also, perhaps, by the “smell” of advertising, its color and aura, will push you to dial the mysterious number. You, obeying intuition ( inner voice, the call of the subconscious, the voice of the universe, etc.), dial the specified phone, and there really is a job that you need and is right for you. So consciousness is only a primary processor of information coming from the outside world, and your subconscious mind does the main part of the work.

Second important aspect in setting goals is the belief in the result. If you do not believe in what you are doing, then there will be no result. Because in the absence of faith in the result, your subconscious mind will ignore the goal, since this goal will be perceived as something alien, false. You must believe in your success and what you are doing. Only in this case, your subconscious mind will be able to help you choose the right decisions and go the right way.

American multimillionaire Andrew Carnegie said: “To become happy, you need to set yourself the most cherished goal that will completely and completely master all thoughts, free up energy and give hope.” Napoleon Hill, Brian Tracy and many other successful people also claim that only well-defined goals will lead to success, wealth and fulfillment of desires. Is goal setting the main ingredient in the formula for success?

Why are goals needed?

A man without a goal is often compared to a ship that has gone out to sea without a team and a captain. How far can such a ship sail? The chance that he will sail to another port is zero. The best that awaits him is to run aground. Likewise, a person: floundering, floundering on the spot, but he does not know where to swim, because the goal is missing, it is difficult to reach the destination that is missing.

Why are there no goals?

Goal setting is an art that needs to be learned. There is even a theory of setting goals and objectives, outlined by Edwin Loca. There are several reasons why people do not plan anything, do not set goals for themselves:

How to set the right goal?

The steps for goal setting are:

Definition of the main goal and large-scale goals that you want to achieve;
Crushing large goals into small ones that will help in achieving the final goals;
Work according to the plan to achieve the set goals.

Stage 1: Choosing Big Goals

Correct goal setting is already the first step on the path to success, the fulfillment of desires and the realization of dreams depend on this. The first thing to do is to determine the most desirable goals for yourself. The most important thing is that these goals should be exclusively yours, the most cherished and intimate. Not imposed by parents, relatives, friends or the media. First you need to choose a long-term goal-dream. What you want more than anything in the world, what you dreamed about. Such a goal is chosen by the heart, even thoughts about it fill with extraordinary excitement, it should inspire.
Having decided on the most important goal, you need to choose other equally important life goals that relate to family, career, finances, society, health, hobbies. Before setting a goal, you should ask yourself 5 questions:
- Who I want to be?
- What do I want to do?
- What do I want to have?
- What will happen when I receive it?
- Will achieving my goals give me satisfaction?
All goals must be written down, otherwise they will remain just desires, dreams. Correct wording is very important. It is correct to write about what you want, and not about what you do not want. “I will be rich”, “I will be slim”, “I will buy an apartment” is the correct wording. “Avoid poverty”, “get rid of extra pounds”, “I don’t want to live in a rented apartment” ─ this is the wrong wording of your goals. Words such as: “must, must, should” should be replaced with: “I want, I can, I will.”
Goals must be specific. If you plan to improve financial position, then the phrase "I want a lot of money" does not carry any specifics. You must specify the exact amount you want.
Goals must be realistic. If you set a goal that in a month I should receive 500,000 rubles, and at the moment I earn 50,000 rubles, then it is highly doubtful that in a few I will be able to increase income 10 times. To big money go gradually.
It is necessary to set deadlines for achieving goals.
Setting goals for yourself to achieve the goal, you need to rely only on own forces so that in case of failure there is no temptation to blame others for it.

Stage 2: setting subgoals

When the goal is set, and there is a list of large-scale goals, it is necessary to make a plan for the next few years. big goals are broken down into small, small - into stages. It is necessary to clearly describe each step, each action that is planned to be taken. Setting goals and objectives will help you properly organize your time and resources in order to achieve the desired result.

You need to complete all the sub-goals in order to get to the main one.

For example, the goal is to buy a new apartment. It is necessary to determine its cost, to establish the period of its purchase. Then take a sober assessment of your income level and ask yourself what you can do to get closer to your goal. You need to write a clear and detailed plan of your actions, how to achieve your goal. How can you increase your income? Find a part-time job, learn another profession, get a promotion, etc. You may have to attend courses or trainings. This is breaking big goals into small ones.

Step-by-step instructions for achieving the goal

Goal setting and achievement is beautifully described by Brian Tracy in The Psychology of Achievement. Just 12 steps to achieve any goal. Efficient technology has already been tested by several thousand people, even ardent skeptics, having tested it, have become adherents.

Step One: Create Desire

Strong and irresistible desire is the most powerful stimulus. If there is no desire, then nothing will happen, it is not natural for a person to take any action if he does not want it. Desire will help overcome all the fears that prevent people from fulfilling their dreams. It is very important to remember that everything we think about can increase. If we think about fear, it will completely consume us. If we want to achieve our goal, then we will definitely do it.

The first step is desire

When setting a goal, you need to think only about your desires and your dream. The dream must be yours. You need to know exactly what you want, who you want to be. It is necessary to determine the most main goal which can make you incredibly happy.

Step Two: Become Confident

Only 100% certainty that achieving the goal is possible will be able to use the subconscious and make him an ally. You need to be confident and firmly believe that the goal will be achieved, because you deserve it. The only condition is that the goals must be realistic. You should be aware that it is almost impossible to increase income several times over a month, but by 20-30% in six months is a completely feasible desire.

The second step is to gain confidence

It takes a lot of time to achieve global goals, so you need to understand that it will take perseverance, perseverance and patience. For example, you need to lose 15 kg. Theoretically, this is possible, but the damage to health will be very noticeable. And if you set yourself the goal of losing weight by 2 kg per month, then such a goal is easily achievable and the subconscious will believe in it. Goals should be challenging enough, they are what make us work and use our full potential. And at the same time, they must be real and plausible so that they can be believed in and be absolutely convinced of their achievement.

Health

Despite our sincere efforts, many of us fail to keep the promises we make to ourselves: overweight, quit smoking, save money or be nice to relatives of the second half in the new year. And although almost 90 percent of the promises are never fulfilled, in the new year we again set ourselves some tasks.

In 2002 in the magazine American Psychologist scientist's note Janet Polivy from the University of Toronto. She and her colleagues gave a name to the phenomenon in which people, after many unsuccessful attempts to do something, set themselves new goals - "False Hope Syndrome"

False hope syndrome often affects people who intend to lose weight. This is due to the fact that they set themselves unrealistic goals, and also do not correctly understand their own behavior. Most experts agree that the most The best way to actually change your behavior and not fall prey to false hope syndrome is to put everything out of your head.

Making sense of your behavior: you achieve what you write about

"Instead of going on a diet, it's better to keep a food diary" says the doctor Dr. Christopher Mosunic, director of the Weight Loss and Diabetes Center at Greenwich Hospital in Connecticut. "You can keep such a diary not only when you have the goal of losing extra pounds, but also under any other circumstances." Dr. Mosunik also added that he has been keeping such a diary for ten years. "When we write down our thoughts and plans, we subconsciously get rid of exaggerations."

For example, a dieter punishes himself for eating a couple of cookies and then feels bad afterwards. This only increases the likelihood of "emotional overeating". If he makes a small entry in the diary about the sweets eaten, this will allow him to look at things realistically. When you write something like "A Few Cookies Isn't So Bad" you won't feel like you've failed.

Caitlin Mason, a scientist at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle believes that keeping a food diary also helps you understand what you are doing right. "The diary helps you see positive changes, and also helps you identify what is preventing you from reaching your desired goal."

Regular handwritten diaries and online journals are equally effective for both sexes, Mosunik said. Among other things, there are good programs for mobile phones, which can also help those who are struggling with overweight. At the same time, it does not matter how long you keep such a diary. You can carry it on for the rest of your life.

Unattainable Goals

Many of the unrealistic goals and promises we make to ourselves from the new year are doomed to failure from the start. Unfortunately, almost all promises fall into this category. Those who are trying to lose weight aim to either lose too much or too quickly, which is actually physically impossible to do.

indefinite, vague goals bring a lot of problems. "You have to be able to set the goal right, the promise to 'lose weight' is too vague," says Mason.

People who are hoping their waist size will finally shrink are better off setting small, clear goals for themselves, such as replacing a can of soda with a bottle of plain water at lunch, or going for a 20-minute walk on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. . While you won't get quick results, making small healthy changes in your life can help make reaching your goal a reality.

"Small but stable changes will eventually lead to big results!" Mason explains.

According to Polivy's research, the way in which losing weight sets goals for themselves can greatly affect the likelihood of achieving them. Many promise to quit something or stop doing something in the new year, but psychologists believe that it would be better to formulate these tasks in a positive way. For example, it's better to say to yourself: "I will eat more fruit", how "I will NOT eat chocolate."

Finally, by setting realistic goals for yourself and looking for positive changes that move you closer to achieving results, you can turn New Year's resolutions to yourself into reality, and then enjoy the fact that you achieve your goal.

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