Summary: Modern methods of education and development of children. Transactional analysis of Eric Berne and the art of developing communication with children. The theory of ego-states by E. Bern.

Parent, Adult, Child. And all this is me!

Let us introduce you, the reader, to the elements transactional analysis, developed by American psychotherapist Eric Berne. It is no coincidence that much attention is now being paid to Bern's work. Many provisions of modern child psychology in the field of raising children can be implemented based on the ideas of Berne.

Let us consider these ideas as a tool for the development and practical implementation of the "Psychology of Education", the semantic center of which is not so much correction as personality development.

Transactional Analysis (TA) was chosen by us for the following reasons:

1. This direction offers a coherent and easily digestible model of interpersonal interaction based on a simple (but not simplified) model of personality structure.

2. TA implements the principle of dosed complexity: the model works already with the most elementary acquaintance with the theory; The practical use of TA is accompanied by an in-depth mastery of the theory, opening up new possibilities for its application.

3. Features of TA are its wide scope and flexibility, the ability to apply to such different areas of work with people as pastoral activities and management. Unlike many other theoretical models, TA enables any practitioner to develop individual system suitable for the specific requirements of his field. Such an application to the field of preschool education is proposed.

4. Finally, it is important that the brilliant texts of E. Berne (as well as some of his followers) have already become widespread in our country, which makes it easier to assimilate this theory and introduce it into the practice of education.

As for socio-psychological training (SPT), its effectiveness in preparing teaching staff generally accepted.

Brief review of the theory of transactional analysis.

TA is rich in developed within its framework theoretical concepts. We consider the following to be the most important for the training of teachers: structural analysis (analysis of a personality from the standpoint of three ego states), transactional analysis itself (analysis of interpersonal interaction), analysis of parental programming (prescriptions, directives and children's decisions) and the manifestation of early programming in human life ( life positions, racket, games).

Structural analysis.

The theory of ego-states by E. Bern is based on three elementary provisions.

Every person was once a child.
- Each person had parents or substitute raising adults.
- Every person with healthy brain able to adequately assess the surrounding reality.

From these provisions follows the idea of ​​a person's personality, containing three components, three special functional structures - ego-states: Child, Parent and Adult.

In TA, it is customary to designate ego states in capital letters, distinguishing them from real people: adults, parents and children.

Ego State Child- these are saved (fixed) experiences of the past, mainly childhood (hence the name "Child"). The term "fixation" has a broader meaning in TA than in psychoanalysis: it is not only, or rather, not so much a defense mechanism, but a mechanism for imprinting a person's state associated with strong affective experiences, capturing the state of a person in a situation that is especially significant for him.

So, the Child is the feelings, behavior and thoughts of a person that he had before, in childhood. This ego state is characterized by intense emotions, both freely expressed and held back, experienced internally. Therefore, we are talking about two types of Child ego-state - the Natural or Free Child and the Adapted Child.

The Natural Child is a spontaneous, creative, playful, independent and self-indulgent state. It is characterized by a natural release of energy, naturalness of self-expression, immediacy of motives, impulsiveness, search for adventure, acute experiences, risk. A special characteristic of this form of the Child is intuition and the art of manipulating other people. Sometimes this form of behavior is singled out in a special education called the Little Professor.

The impact of educating adults, limiting the child's self-expression, introducing the child's behavior within the framework of social requirements, forms Adapted Child. This kind of adaptation can lead to the loss of the ability to internally authentic feelings, manifestations of curiosity, the ability to experience and evoke love, to replace a person’s own feelings and thoughts with the feelings and thoughts expected from him. This may be the complete acceptance of parental prescriptions and the implementation of prescribed behavior and prescribed feelings (Submitting, Yielding Child).

This form of behavior is associated with the desire to appease and please others and feelings of fear, guilt and shame. It can also be withdrawal into oneself, alienation (Evasive, Alienating Child). This form of behavior is associated with a state of shyness - the desire to isolate oneself from other people, to put up a barrier, a facade in front of others; it is a feeling of resentment and annoyance.

Finally, it can be a rebellion, an open opposition to parental prescriptions (Rebellious Child). This form of behavior is expressed in negativism, rejection of any rules and norms, feelings of anger and indignation. In all its variants, the Adapted Child functions in response to the influence of the inner Parent. The limits introduced by the Parent are imposed, far from always rational and often interfere with normal functioning.

Ego state Parent- significant other people saved inside us, inside our psyche. Parents are the most significant for most people, hence the name of this ego state. Moreover, the Parent ego-state "contains" not just memories, images of significant others, it is like other people embedded in us with their voice, appearance, behavior, characteristic gestures and words, as they were perceived then, in childhood.

To explain the mechanism of formation of this ego-state, the psychoanalytic term "introjection" is used, again understanding it more broadly - not only as a protective inclusion of another's personality in one's structure, but also as a normal process of personality formation in interaction with significant others. A more complete understanding of this process is provided by the concept of personalization.

The Parent ego-state is our beliefs, beliefs and prejudices, values ​​and attitudes, many of which we perceive as our own, accepted by ourselves, while in fact they are "introduced" from the outside by including people significant to us. Therefore, the Parent is our internal commentator, editor and evaluator.

Just like fixed different states in the Child, in the ego-state of the Parent, people significant for us are "invested" in a different state. Nurturing adults show two main forms of behavior towards the child: strict instructions, prohibitions, etc.; manifestation of care, kindness, patronage, education by the type of recommendations.

The first forms Controlling Parent, second - Caring Parent.

The Controlling Parent is characterized by low empathy, inability to sympathize, empathize with the other, dogmatism, intolerance and criticality. A person who exhibits this form of behavior sees the cause of failures exclusively outside himself, shifts responsibility to others, but at the same time requires adherence to strict standards from himself (directs his own Adapted Child).

The Caring Parent protects, cares for and cares for others, supports and comforts those around them ("Don't Worry"), comforts and encourages them. But in both of these forms, the Parent assumes a position from above: both the Controlling and the Caring Parent require the other to be the Child.

Finally, the third ego state is Adult- is responsible for the rational perception of life, an objective assessment of reality, which characterizes an adult; hence the name of this ego state. An adult makes decisions based on mental activity and using past experience, based on the specific situation at the moment, "here" and "now".

This ego-state embodies objectivity, organization, bringing everything into a system, reliability, reliance on facts. An adult acts like a computer, exploring and evaluating the available probabilities and alternatives, and makes a conscious rational decision that is expedient at the present time, in a given situation.

This is the difference between the Adult and the Parent and the Child, who are turned to the past, reproducing the situation that was experienced especially vividly (Child), or the figure of the educating adult (Parent).

Another function of the Adult ego-state is to check what is inherent in the Parent and the Child, comparing it with the facts (reality check). The ego state The adult is called the personality manager.
The functional structure of personality in TA is shown in the diagram (Fig. 1).

Controlling Parent (CR)
Caring Parent (CA)
Adult (B)
Free (Natural) Child SD (ED)
Adapted Child (AD)

Fig.1. Functional Personality Chart

To represent the functional structure of the personality, egograms are used, which reflect the development ("energetic fullness") of one or another form of ego-states. Let us give an example of an egogram (Fig. 2). To build egograms, we use a questionnaire adapted and modified by us by D. Jongward.

Fig.2. An example of an egogram (CR - Controlling Parent; ZR - Caring Parent; B - Adult; ED - Natural Child; MP - Little Professor; AD - Adapted Child)

Next the most important concepts TAs are the actualization of ego states and switching: at any given moment, a person can be either a Parent, or an Adult, or a Child. He has this or that state updated, and he can switch, move from one ego state to another when the situation changes.

At the same time, it should be noted that, although one or another specific ego-state is usually actualized, different ego-states most often participate simultaneously in the construction of human behavior. This is clearly demonstrated by the aphorism "If you can't, but really want to, then you can do it a little." In the event of a conflict between the Parent (“No”) and the Child (“I really want to”), the Adult finds a compromise (“A little bit is possible”).

The actualization of each ego-state is accompanied by characteristic verbal and non-verbal manifestations, and already from a very early age a person gets acquainted with the corresponding behavioral manifestations, so mastering theoretical model TA structures and operationalizes the subject's individual experience.

Transactional analysis (in the narrow sense).

In TA, the basis of any relationship between people is recognition (recognition), understood very broadly: from simple confirmation that the presence of another person has been noticed, to manifestations of love. The term "stroking" is used to refer to the recognition of another person.

In this term, E. Berne includes both physical touch and its symbolic counterpart - greeting, showing attention to another, which forms the basis of interpersonal contact. The predominant form of contact in the interaction of an educating adult with a young child is physical touch, caress (one of the meanings of the word stroking is stroking).

As you know, the lack of such contact between a child and an adult causes irreversible degradation and death (the phenomenon of hospitalization). TA experts have come up with a saying: "If an infant is not touched, its spinal cord shrinks." More weak degrees touch deprivation in early childhood results in personality problems in the grown child.

Note that touch can be with a different sign - "stroking" and "kick", but both mean recognition of the existence of another person and is less dangerous than ignoring. As the child grows older, he learns to perceive the symbolic forms of touch, signifying his recognition. And in adults, such an exchange of touches is the basis of interpersonal interaction.

Considering the process of communication, TA highlights in it elementary units interpersonal interaction, called transactions (the term that gave its name to this area of ​​psychology).

A transaction is understood as an exchange of touches between the ego-states of communicating people - contact (contact) of their ego-states. This is a mutual process (message - reaction), so its in in a certain sense can be called a deal.

In TA, there are several criteria according to which types of transactions are distinguished. The first criterion is the complementarity of crossness. An additional transaction is such an interaction when the touch of the first person entering into communication (message) is followed by the corresponding reactions of the second person - the answer comes from the same ego state in which the message was sent.

Examples (Fig. 3):
- Can you tell me what time it is?
- 12 hours 32 minutes.

Here (Fig. 3, a) the information request of the Adult ego-state is followed by the response of the Adult interlocutor. This is the contact of ego-states Adult.

Fig.3. Additional transactions

Another option for an additional transaction (Fig. 3.6):
Child: Nina Petrovna, can I take a pencil?
Educator: Take it, Mishenka.
This is the "Child-Parent" contact.

Reverse case (Fig. 3, c):
Educator: How dare you take this without asking?
Child: I won't...

The last two examples differ from the first one in one more criterion: single-level/equal-level. It is precisely single-level transactions (that is, the interactions "Adult-Adult", "Child-Child", "Parent-Parent") that can be called partnerships in the full sense of the word, when interacting people occupy psychologically equal positions in communication.

In the interaction between the raising adult and the child, transactions of different levels naturally prevail, although single-level transactions are also possible: joint activity, co-creation, play, body contact. It is superfluous to prove the importance of one-level transactions for the development of a child's personality: it is in such communication between a child and an adult that a sense of personal significance, responsibility, and independence is formed.

Another important transactional aspect of pedagogical communication is the need to limit the communication channel "Parent-Child", replacing it with "Adult-Child", in which the educator focuses on the personality of the child. This position of the educator can be described by the rule of three Rs: the educator builds his communication with the child on the basis of understanding, acceptance and recognition.

Understanding means the ability to see the child "from the inside", the ability to look at the world simultaneously from two points of view: one's own and the child's, "reading the child's motives." X. J. Ginott describes such a situation of communication between a teacher and a child who first came to kindergarten. Seeing the children's drawings hanging on the wall, the boy said: "Ugh, what ugly pictures!" Instead of the reprimand expected in such a situation, the teacher said: "In our kindergarten you can draw such pictures as well." Here we are faced with a kind of "unaddressed" message of the child, which can be directed to any of the three ego states. Often such unaddressed messages are a kind of probing for another person and are characteristic of the stage of establishing contact (Fig. 4) .

Fig.4. Reaction to an unaddressed message (Child and Educator)

The teacher realized that the child wants to know if they will scold him if he draws badly (whether the Parental reaction will follow), and gave the answer "Adult - Child". The next day, the child came to the kindergarten with pleasure: a favorable basis for contact was created.

X. J. Ginott writes about the need for a special "code" of communication that allows you to understand the secret aspirations of children and focus on them in your judgments and assessments. TA gives the educator the opportunity to master such a "code".

Acceptance means unconditional positive attitude to the child, his individuality, regardless of whether he pleases adults at the moment or not - what in TA is called unconditional touch. It means: "I treat you well, whether you have completed this task or not!" Adults are often limited to only conditional touches, building their relationship with the child on the principle of "if ... then! .."

The American psychologist H. J. Ginott, in his relations with children, notes the need to eliminate him from education. The child should have the feeling that he is accepted and loved, regardless of whether he achieved high or low performance. With this attitude, an adult recognizes and affirms the uniqueness of the child, sees and develops a personality in him: only going "from the child" can one see the potential for development inherent in him, that originality and that dissimilarity that are inherent in a true personality, and not a faceless individual programmed by parents yet before his birth and as a teacher - even before he crossed the threshold of kindergarten.

Recognition is, first of all, the right of the child to solve certain problems on the merits, this is the right to be an Adult. The child often cannot be guaranteed full equality of rights, for example, if we are talking about his health, but the child must have an "advisory vote". In addition, many everyday situations must allow the child to choose.

X. J. Ginott advises: instead of statements like "Here, take ..." or "Eat this ...", confront the child with the alternative: "Which thing to give you - this or that?", "What will you eat - scrambled eggs or scrambled eggs?", i.e. stimulate his Adult. The child should have a feeling that it is he who chooses. Thus, the inclusion of the "Adult-Child" channel in the system of interaction between the raising adult and the child is a condition for the development of the Adult in the child.

The opposite of additional transactions that maintain contact are cross-transactions. With such an interaction, the vectors of the message and the reaction are not parallel, but intersect. In most cases, such transactions lead to conflict, to interruption of contact. Examples of cross transactions:
- What time is it now?
- Open your eyes - the clock is out!

Here, in response to the message "Adult - Adult", a Parental reprimand follows (Fig. 5, a).

Fig.5. Cross transactions

An example of this kind of classical cross-transaction (Fig. 5, a) is the following situation: the educator tells something to the children, and the child in response shares something that he heard before and which contradicts the words of the educator. The answer of the educator: "How dare you object to me!"

This kind of cross-reaction of the nurturing adult can retard the development of the Adult in the child for a long time.

However, sometimes certain cross-reactions are justified and even the only ones possible. Imagine such a situation. Tanya, a "non-smooth" girl, behaves noisily, does nothing. An elderly, authoritarian type of teacher says to her: "When are you going to do something?" Tanya turns to her friend and loudly, so that the teacher can hear, says: "How tired I am of this old witch!" The reaction of the educator follows: "But how are you, young, tired of me!" For two minutes, the teacher and the girl silently look at each other, and then they go about their business.

When Tanya's parents come for her, she cautiously says: "Goodbye?!" The teacher replies: "Goodbye, Tanechka." Here the girl encountered an unexpected Parental response, in which the educator intuitively reproduced the mechanism for generating an impulse emanating from the Rebellious Child (Fig. 5, b): in essence, paradoxically, such a reaction is a recognition of the child’s personality, and this is a possible a starting point to establish contact with the child.

Another example of this kind of cross-transaction: the teacher of the older group, who often lisps with children, addresses a developed girl brought up in a theatrical environment: "Come here, little one, I'll dress you ..." The dressed child goes to the door, turns and says : "I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I will never forget this in my life."

The last criterion on the basis of which transactions are classified is the presence of a hidden (psychological) meaning. According to this criterion, simple and double (hidden) transactions are distinguished.

A hidden transaction has both an open level of interaction (social level) and a hidden (psychological) level. A classic example of a hidden transaction: a husband on a dusty table writes "I love you" with his finger. The open level is an appeal from the Husband's Child to the Wife's Child, the hidden one is a Parental reproach for disorder (Fig. 6).

Possible reactions of the wife: 1) "How nice of you" (additional reaction to the open level); 2) cleaning (additional reaction to the hidden level); 3) "You always reproach me" (cross-reaction to the hidden level); 4) remove everything, leaving a dusty spot on which to write: "I love you too" (an additional reaction to both levels 1 + 2).

Fig.6. Hidden transaction

Hidden transactions form a type of interaction between people, called games in TA. (The term "game" hereinafter we enclose in quotation marks, distinguishing it from the game in the generally accepted sense.)
Next, we will dwell on it in more detail.

parent programming.

The TA section that analyzes parental programming is called in the classic Bern version scenario analysis. E. Bern and a number of his followers developed a rather complex and cumbersome system for analyzing life scenarios laid down in childhood, according to which a person builds his life and communication with people around him.

Later, psychologist R. Goulding proposed a simpler and more constructive system for analyzing parental programming, which is now accepted by most TA specialists. Fundamental to the concept of parental programming is the following: messages sent by parents and other parenting adults ( parental instructions) can lead to dramatic changes in a child's life and are often the cause of many life problems for a growing child.

There are two main types of parental instructions: instructions and directives.

Injunctions are messages from the parents' Child ego state, reflecting certain problems of the parents: anxiety, anger, secret desires. In the eyes of the child, such messages look irrational, while parents, on the contrary, consider their behavior to be normal, rational. There are ten main prescriptions:

1. Not (general prohibition).
2. Don't exist.
3. Don't be intimate.
4. Don't be big.
5. Don't be a child.
6. Don't grow up.
7. Don't be successful.
8. Don't be yourself.
9. Don't be healthy. Don't be sane.
10. Don't conform.

As an example, let's take a general prohibition - Not. This kind of prescription is given by parents who feel fear, constant anxiety for the child. His parents forbid him to do many normal things: "Don't walk near stairs", "Don't touch these things", "Don't climb trees", etc.

Sometimes the overprotective parent is the parent whose child was unwanted. Realizing this, feeling guilty and frightened by his own thoughts, the parent begins to behave in relation to the child overprotective. Another possible reason for this is the death of the eldest child in the family. Another option when such a prescription is given is the modeling of overcautious behavior. Such a situation can be in a family where the father is an alcoholic: the mother is afraid of any action, as this can cause an outburst on the part of the father, and transfers this behavior to the child.

As a result, the child is convinced that everything he does is wrong, dangerous; he does not know what to do, and is forced to look for someone who would prompt him. As an adult, such a person has trouble making decisions.

The second type of parental instructions are directives. This is a message from the Parent ego state. Six main directives have been identified:

1. Be strong.
2. Be perfect.
3. Try.
4. Hurry up.
5. Please others.
6. Be alert.

Let's take the directive "Be perfect" as an example. Such a directive is given in families where all mistakes are noticed. The child is required to be perfect in everything he undertakes. He simply does not have the right to make a mistake, therefore, growing up, the child cannot bear the feeling of defeat. It is difficult for such people to recognize their right to be common man. His parents are always right, they do not admit their mistakes - this is the type of constantly Controlling Parent, demanding perfection both from himself and from others (although they often use rose-colored glasses to evaluate their actions, and black ones to evaluate the actions of others).

A feature of directives is that it is impossible for them to assess whether you have satisfied you to the fullest, whether you are trying hard enough ... These instructions are explicit, given verbally and are not hidden. The giver of directives believes in their truth and defends his point of view. In contrast, prescriptions are usually not recognized; if a parent is told that he inspired his child so that he does not exist, he will be indignant and will not believe, saying that he did not even have this in his thoughts.

In addition to the six basic directives listed, this message type also includes religious, national and sex stereotypes.

In addition to the two main types of parental instructions - prescriptions and directives - there are also so-called mixed, or behavioral, prescriptions. These are messages concerning thoughts and feelings and may be given by the Parent or the Child of the parents. These messages are: don't think, don't think this (something specific), don't think what you think - think what I think (for example: "Don't contradict me"). By giving such instructions, parents put on "family (parental) glasses" for the child.

Messages are similar with respect to feelings: don't feel, don't feel it (a specific feeling, emotion), don't feel what you feel - feel what I feel (for example: "I'm cold - put on a sweater"). Such messages are given according to the principle of the projection mechanism - when the other (in this case, the child) is transferred own feelings and thoughts. The result of such mixed prescriptions is the replacement of the child's thoughts and feelings with the thoughts and feelings expected of him, when adults are not aware of the feelings and needs of their child.

So, prescriptions and directives are given by parents. The child has the opportunity to both accept them and reject them. Moreover, there are cases when instructions are not given by real parents at all. The child fantasizes, invents, misinterprets, that is, he gives himself instructions (from his ideal Parent).

For example, a child's brother dies, and the child may believe that he magically caused his death by his jealousy and envy of his brother. He (his Little Professor) finds "confirmation" in the world around him (it's not for nothing that these adults talk about terrible pneumonia).

Then, feeling guilty, the child may instruct himself not to exist, or another, milder injunction. Or, after the death of a beloved father, a child may instruct himself not to be intimate in an attempt to avoid pain: "I will never love again, and then I will never be hurt again."

There are a limited number of possible prescriptions, but an infinite number of decisions that a child can make about them.

Firstly, the child may simply not believe them ("My mother is sick and does not really think what she says").

Second, he may find someone who will refute the injunction and believe it ("My parents don't want me, but the teacher wants me to be").

Finally, he can make a decision based on the parent's prescription.

Consider some possible responses to the No injunction: "I am unable to make decisions", "I need someone to decide for me", "The world is terrible... I am forced to make mistakes", "I am weaker than other people", "From now on, I will not try to make a decision on my own." Here is an example of such a solution.

The school is selecting children to study in America; a ninth-grader boy definitely falls into the group in terms of academic performance. Unexpectedly, he declares to his mother: "But I'm not going anywhere. I'll do everything to fill up." And, to the surprise of everyone at school, it does. As a result of overprotection and control from the mother in early childhood (however, continuing to this day), the son made a decision: "I can't do anything, I myself am not capable, let the other take responsibility."

It is almost never the case that a parental injunction message immediately entails a child's decision. Usually, this requires that the same type of prescriptions be repeated repeatedly. And at some point - exactly the moment - the child makes a decision.

For example, a father starts drinking and comes home angry, making scenes. For some time, the little daughter continues to meet her father, hoping for the same caress. But after another disgusting scene with his mother, he decides: "Never again will I love men." The client who described this case to E. Bern accurately indicated the date and hour when she made this decision, to which she remained faithful for 30 years.

As far as directives are concerned, it would seem that, as motivating indications, they should always have a favorable effect, oppose prescriptions. So it seemed to E. Bern, who called them counter-prescriptions. However, there are also "buts" here. We have already mentioned one of their aspects - the inability to assess the degree of adherence to them. Another aspect is their peremptory nature: they operate with absolute categories that do not recognize exceptions (always, everything). Psychoanalyst K. Horney called this the tyranny of duty: any, even the most positive directives are traps, since the condition "always" is impossible to fulfill. And strict adherence to directives is the path to neurosis.

Hence the conclusion follows: submission to any, the most positive parental instructions cannot be considered justified. Ideally, the caregiver should be able to monitor situations where the child may be programmed and correct them. To free the adult from programming, M. and R. Goulding developed a special therapeutic system- "new solution therapy".

Parental programming action.

Having made a decision, the child begins to organize his consciousness on its basis. At the beginning, the root cause of the decision may be present:

never again will I love men, because my father beats me for no reason;
never again will I love women, because my mother does not love me, but my little brother;
never again will I try to love anyone, because my mother showed me that I was not worthy of love.

But soon the reason goes out of consciousness, and it is far from easy for an adult to restore it. Decision-based positions are easier to recognize. Life position is, firstly, a "black and white" characteristic of the subject in respect of which the decision is made.

In the examples above, this is:

all men are rascals;
no woman can be trusted;
I'm impossible to love.

Such a characteristic is tied to one of two poles: OK - not OK. (OK (o "kay) - well-being, order, etc.)

Secondly, in the life position, the comparison of I - the other is expressed, that is, we have two more poles.

Thus, four life positions are possible:

1. I'm OK - You're OK - a healthy attitude, an attitude of confidence.
2. I'm OK - You're not OK - a position of superiority, in extreme cases - a criminal and paranoid position.
3. I'm not OK - You're OK - anxiety position, depressive position.
4. I'm not OK - You're not OK - a position of hopelessness, in extreme cases - a schizoid and suicidal position.

OK means different things to each person. It can be virtuous, educated, rich, religious, and countless other options for "good."

Not OK can mean: ignorant, negligent, poor, blasphemer and other variants of "bad".

It can be seen that the concepts of "OK - not OK" fill with meaning nothing more than directives that carry, in particular, family and cultural stereotypes.

You usually extend to a very wide range of subjects: all men, women, in general, all other people.

I is sometimes expanded to We, including members of one's family, groups, parties, races, countries, etc.

Thus, the position performs the function of coordinating thoughts and feelings about oneself and about other people. Based on the position taken, a person builds his relationships with people. Life position must be constantly confirmed. Its truth must be proved again and again to others and to oneself. Such proof in TA is called the feelings racket.

Racket- these are stereotypical feelings used to confirm the decisions made and the position taken. These feelings are used to change other people, if not in fact, then in their perception and imagination, and in no case allow their self to change. on interpreting the reactions of parenting adults.

Adults say:
- you really pissed me off by slamming the door;
- you make me worry by not returning home on time;
- You made me so happy when you went pee-pee to the toilet.

In essence, they say it. "You are responsible for my feelings", and the children come to the conclusion that they can make people feel - control their feelings, and build their further behavior on this. This is the position of the Little Professor.

The simplest model explaining the racket of feelings was proposed by the expert on human nature S. Karpman, who called it dramatic triangle. He identified three basic roles: Pursuer, Savior, Victim.

The role of the Persecutor is based on the position that others are below me, they are not OK, which means that they can be suppressed, belittled, exploited. This is the role of the Controlling Parent. The role of the Savior is also based on the fact that others below me are not OK, but unlike the Persecutor, the savior concludes that they need help, take care of them: "I must help others, since they are not good enough to help themselves." This is the role of the Caring Parent.

Rice. 7. Karpman Drama Triangle
CR - Controlling Parent; ZR - Caring Parent; BP - Adjusted Child

The victim sees himself as inferior, not OK. This role can take two forms:
a) the search for the Pursuer, so that he commands, suppresses;
b) Seeking the Savior to take responsibility and confirm that I can't handle it myself.
The role of the Victim is the role of the Adapted Child.

So, we see that the Parent and the Child are involved in the system and the Adult is completely excluded from it. The little Professor leads everything, remaining in the background. All the roles of the Drama Triangle involve depersonalization, object relation- ignoring the personality of others and one's own personality: the right to health, well-being and even life is ignored (Persecutor); the right to think for yourself and act on your own initiative (Savior) or ignoring yourself - the belief that you deserve rejection and humiliation or need help to act correctly (Victim).

When communicating, a person can play some role most of the time, but usually people build their communication by switching from one role to another, thereby manipulating other people and proving the "truth" of their position.

Such manipulations, as we have already said, E. Bern called games.
"A game"- a series of hidden transactions leading to a predictable outcome and switching roles. On the open (social) level, the transactions that make up the "game" seem ingenuous and plausible, but on the hidden (psychological) level, they are manipulations.

An example of a "game" is the classic "Yes, but...". It consists in the following: the player formulates a problem, his partners try to help him solve it, and the player refutes all solutions offered to him (usually this is done in the form of "yes, but ..."). After all suggestions have been exhausted, there is a pause, then the player sums up: "What a pity, but I was hoping you could help me"). At the surface level, there is an Adult-Adult interaction (information and analytical exchange), but at a hidden level, the Child and the Parent communicate: there is a request to the Caring Parent (Fig. 8).

The goal of the player is to prove the unsolvability of their problem and force the Parent to capitulate. After a pause, the player switches to the role of the Persecutor, and his partners from the Saviors become Victims. Thus, the player "kills two birds with one stone": he proves his trouble - no Parent can help me and the incompetence of the Parent.

Fig.8. Game "Yes, but..."

Analyzing the interaction of raising adults with a child, one can observe a whole range of "games". Such "games" as "Gotcha, you son of a bitch!" are played out between educators and children. (disinterested search for someone to blame); "Argentina" ("I alone know that the most important thing in the country is Argentina, but you don't!"); "Courtroom" (the main thing is to prove one's case at any cost); "I just wanted to help" (demonstration of my impeccability), etc. Children can organize their "games" that they learned at home, or they can support the "games" of educators, enjoying playing "Give me a kick", "Yes , but..." "Schlemel" (the pleasure of being forgiven), etc. "Games" played in kindergarten have not yet been studied enough, and this work seems to be relevant.

The goals of game analysis are to:

1) to provide a person with the means of diagnosing "game" behavior and understanding the mechanism of "games";

2) do possible management"game", i.e. the use of an antithesis that destroys manipulation (for example, in the case of "Yes, but ..." ask the player how Possible Solution problems, in his opinion).

3) to make it possible to understand the origins of "gaming" behavior: at a minimum, to determine the life position that the player proves, ideally, to analyze the entire chain of programming in reverse order: "games" - life position- decision - prescriptions and directives.

Understanding the origins of "playful" behavior in parent programming creates real prerequisites for its correction.

The use of the TA-model in personality-oriented didactics.

The TA-model allows reaching specific behavioral criteria (principles) of a personality-oriented approach in education. The purely parental nature of the educational and disciplinary model of communication with children of educators is obvious. TA makes it possible to understand that the Parent-Child interaction is far from exhausting the permissible forms of communication with children.

We can even move the Parent-Child interaction "into the background" (in TA terms: to the psychological level of communication), since when a preschooler communicates with a parenting adult, this channel is a priori present. Therefore, the task is not to exclude the Parent, but to turn him into an ally, allowing and welcoming the actualization of the Adult and the Child in the educator.

The personality-oriented model of education is based on the predominance of the Adult and the Child in the educator; the parent plays a supporting role, remaining in the background. It is this form of interaction with the child that is the condition for the development and functioning of self-valuable forms of his activity, the development of his personality.

This approach requires a major reorientation of early childhood education professionals who have focused on the Parental Approach; The highest value for them is communication from the position of a Caring Parent (in real communication with children, for some reason, this form often transforms into a Controlling Parent).

Educators do not immediately see the limitations of the Parental approach, which does not provide for the possibility of transferring the responsibility to the child necessary for the formation of his Adult, for creating the "Adult-Child" tandem and the conditions for the birth and development of the child's aspirations.

Only by switching from the Parental position to the Adult, the educator is able to analyze the effects of pedagogical influence, which often comes down to "growing" the Adapted Child. Only from the position of the Adult, the educator is able to grasp the consequences of his influence on the child - to analyze and correct parental and pedagogical programming.

Technique of pedagogical communication.

The indisputable advantage of TA schemes is the ability to characterize various "instances" of the individuality of not only the child, but also the corresponding "instances" of the teacher's individuality, which are the defining features of his moral influences, as if echoing in the child's life. In addition, based on these schemes, it is possible to trace in more detail the existing lines of interaction between adults and children, and also to draw, if this turns out to be useful, new lines of interaction between them.

A. Evaluation.

Among the inadequate ways of assessing children, there is a manner of assessing (both negatively and positively) the personality of the child as a whole, and not his specific actions. Some researchers rightly emphasize the inspiring effect of such statements as “you are stupid!”, “coward!”, “you are an irresponsible person!”, “scoundrel”, etc.

The parental instance, we recall once again, is a source of powerful inspiring influences. And the higher the authority, the more likely it is that in the future, when a growing person really needs to show ingenuity, courage, responsibility, high morality, a Parental voice will “explode” in his head, not allowing him to do this, but, on the contrary, prescribing, for example, a manifestation of stupidity and mental weakness.

One should not underestimate the fact that at a critical moment stress can lead to a regression of age - to the awakening of infantile reactions, the way for which the Parent paves the way with his careless statements.

You should evaluate the specific actions of the child: "You are distracted and do not think now!" (but not "stupid"), "Are you afraid!" or even "You chickened out!" (but not "coward"), "It's immoral!" (instead of "You have no conscience!"). These assessments can sound very emotional, and not be pronounced in an even, impassive voice (in which the child, of course, hears not an assessment, but a threat ...). This avoids "programming".

Similarly, psychologist Ginott proposes to address the issue of positive evaluation. For example, the following communication model is proposed:

Mother: It was so dirty in the garden... I didn't even think that everything could be cleaned in one day.
Son I did it!
Mother. Here is the work!
Son. Yes, it wasn't easy!
Mother. The garden is so beautiful now! It's nice to look at him.
Son: It's clear.
Mat: Thank you, son!
Son (smiling broadly): No way.

On the contrary, praises that evaluate the child himself, and not his actions, the author believes, are harmful. Among the adverse effects, the development of feelings of guilt and protest is indicated - "the bright sun blinds the eyes"; we would add - the possible formation of hysterical character traits in the child in the form of an excessive need for enthusiastic, admiring recognition of his personality. Therefore, among the harmful assessments are the following:

You are a wonderful son!
You are a real mother's helper!
What would mom do without you?!

In the proposed model of communication, as we can see, we are talking about the garden, about difficulties, about cleanliness, about work, but not about the personality of the child. Evaluation is made up, the scientist emphasizes, of two things: from what we say to children, and from what the child himself, on the basis of our words, concludes about himself. Evaluating the recommendation - to praise the deed and only the deed - we would emphasize the need to take into account the age of the children.

Ginott is certainly right that the assessment is made up of these two components. However, in order for a child to be able to self-assess himself on the basis of an adult's assessment, he must, at least once, experience a positive assessment of his personality (at least so that he has the opportunity to say to himself: "Well done to me! "). Preschool childhood, in our opinion, is the time when positive assessments of the personality as a whole are pedagogically justified.

An interesting experience of such a positive assessment of the personality in the conditions of the formation of children's moral self-esteem is contained in the methodology proposed by the Russian psychologist V. G. Shchur (a series of studies conducted under the direction of S. G. Yakobson). To children who unfairly distributed toys and were forced to assess themselves negatively under "pressure of facts" ("... like Karabas Bara-bas!"), the experimenter said: "But I know who you really are ... YOU ARE BURATINO!"

This effect, as shown by observations in different situations, had great strength suggestion. At first, the experimenter had to remind from time to time, first with a word, then with a look: "Pinocchio! .." Then the need for a reminder disappeared by itself. Children changed literally before our eyes, in particular, conflict decreased. Analyzing this experience, we find ourselves on the border of the usual and so-called anticipatory assessments.

B. Anticipatory evaluation.

V. Sukhomlinsky urged to start any business with a sense of success: it should not only appear at the end, but also be at the beginning of the action. Creating conditions that cause children to feel the joy of searching, overcoming, is a special task for a professional teacher.

However, each educator must independently solve the same problem daily and hourly: what to praise the child for, what aspects of his behavior or, perhaps, what of the results of the child’s work (drawing, modeling, sung song, etc.) could give reason for a positive assessment of the personality of the child.

"If you don't know what to praise a child for, come up with it!" - the psychiatrist and psychotherapist V. Levy reasonably advises in the book "Non-Standard Child". The main thing that should be conveyed to the child here is a sincere belief in his abilities. Something similar appears in the "adult" social psychology under the name "advanced trust", which causes a significant personal and professional development effect. The technique of "intensive psychotherapy" in working with adults is primarily based on the belief in the possibility of personal growth.

B. Prohibitions.

When adults want to stop certain actions of a child that seem unseemly or harmful to them, they resort to prohibitions. But it is common knowledge: "forbidden fruit is sweet"; Prohibitions can be a call to action, which is confirmed in special studies. It turns out that even the presence of a "fruit" is not necessary, that is, an object that would be attractive initially, in itself, regardless of the introduction of a ban. It is enough to mark the border ("forbidding line").

Going beyond the line can be explained by the mechanism of self-imitation, the essence of which is to repeat in reality one's mental action. When a person is forbidden to perform any action, he begins to think about it intensely, his mental image arises. At the same time, it is impossible not to think about the prohibition, because before you perform any action, you must first imagine it, that is, start thinking about it.

The presented action underlies the motor task, the formation of a specific motor act.
The action can be carried out immediately or after some time (may not happen at all), depending on the degree of dismemberment of thought and action.

Mental and action plans for the child are still too soldered. Because of this, the child masters the prohibition by performing the forbidden action in reality. For example, when children are not ordered to go out to the other half of the room, they have a mental image of a forbidden action, while the "solidity" of mental and active plans, characteristic of children of two or three years of age, contributes to the immediate embodiment of a mental act in an effective plan. With age, with the development of self-consciousness, the "distance" between thought and action increases: a person can imagine, but not carry out a forbidden movement.

How to be an adult, how to exclude the transformation of a ban into a "challenge"?

One of the ways is, in our opinion, in the introduction of alternatives: in order not to think about the "yellow monkey", think about the "red" or the "white elephant". In other words, along with the presentation of the ban, it is necessary to indicate the need or possibility of taking substitution actions that are alternative to the prohibited one ("Here's what you need to do").

To the construction of the style of communication "Parent - Adult".

At the risk of being subjective, we believe that the ability to maintain parent-adult communication with children is one of the most difficult genres of pedagogical communication. At the same time, the pedagogical skill of the educator clearly stands out here. The main difficulty lies in the fact that, firstly, by influencing the child, not to put him in the position of the Child, because we should be talking about an appeal to the rational beginning of the child (his Adult); and, secondly, in order for the educator himself to maintain an "extension from above" when communicating, that is, not to resort to the position "Adult - Adult".

This can be formulated as follows: the moral norms imposed on children should be "transformed for age (in the words of the teacher R. S. Bure). Norms as knowledge are addressed to the ego-state of the adult child, and at the same time, this knowledge, being norm, is presented as if "from above", from the ego-state of the Parent of the educator.

An example of such an impact is reminders such as a warning, advice ("what needs to be done to ..."). This view is a consistent development of the point of view of A. S. Makarenko on the organization of educational influences. It will be less helpful if you tell the child:

Here's a broom for you, sweep the room, do it this way or that way (Parent-Child style).
It is better if you entrust the maintenance of cleanliness in a certain room, and how he will do it, let him decide and be responsible for the decision himself. In the first case, you set before the child only a muscular task, in the second case, an organizational task; the latter is much more complicated and useful.

To the construction of the style of communication "Parent - Parent".

Unfortunately, communication of this kind is practically absent in the practice of education. Meanwhile, this style of communication can be very effective if the teacher has chosen the right situation. For example, the teacher knows that Roma scattered toys, and instead of catching up with Roma, he plays noble indignation instead of the usual for such cases.

Calling Roma, the teacher says indignantly: “Look, what a disgrace! What they did: everything was so clean and tidy. These toys always make a mess, and we have to take the rap ... The task of the teacher is to leave him alone with him, to get around the question of Roma's personal responsibility, to direct the blow "by" and, thus, stage a dialogue between the two Parents, creating a special atmosphere of confidential communication.
"You see, Roma, we'll have to clean up together" - they say, we always get it.

To the construction of the style of communication "Child - Parent".

Situations of this kind were created in the experiments of E. V. Subbotsky. By placing children in the position of "responsible", "controller", he succeeded in fundamentally changing the type of behavior of children: overcoming "global imitation", "partiality" of children's judgments, cunning, injustice, etc.

In the school practice of teachers Sh. A. Amonashvili, Dusovitsky and others, situations were deliberately created when the teacher "mistakes" and the children correct him, which has a significant impact on learning, develops a sense of self-confidence, criticality. Meanwhile, difficulties for children in the Parent ego-state and difficulties in accepting this position by children have already been noted.

It seems possible and expedient in practice to raise the question of overcoming these difficulties. For example, the teacher asks the children to blindfold him so that he, on their command, performs the tasks that he usually gives to the children. The task should be rather difficult and "blindly" unsolvable. Children should lead it. Such situations, in our opinion, should contribute to the creation of conditions that correspond to the establishment of the line of communication "Child - Parent" between the educator and the child.

To the construction of the style of communication "Child - Adult".

This style of communication seems to have no place in kindergarten. However, you can try to simulate a situation in which the child becomes more competent than an adult. For example, children play, and an adult wants to be accepted into the game, for this he asks to teach him the rules.

It is important to simulate the difficulties of mastering the rules; adult mistakes should be non-playful and not cause children to laugh - it should be difficult for an adult. Unlike the experimental situations of E. V. Subbotsky, this situation involves the mastering of the experience of children by adults, play as a specific form of interaction for children (in the experiments of E. V. Subbotsky, children adapted their elders to "adult" activities, acting in the Parental role).

Children at the same time master the position of supporting another, based on personal experience. The child's intellect is included in pro-social (for the benefit of another) activity. We also note that in this case, the self-esteem of the child as a subject of assistance should grow.

To the construction of the style of communication "Child - Child".

Similar situations are used in the practice of psychotherapy. For example, in order to free the child from fears that may manifest themselves in avoiding contact with children or in impulsive "unmotivated" aggression, the educator includes the child in the game in the manner of a puppet show.

Behind the screen is a teacher and one or more children. They manipulate the puppets so as not to be visible to the child spectators. The educator, acting, say, in the role of a fox, a monkey or a cat, interacting with other "game" characters, imitates situations of sudden appearance of threat, fear and protection, cunning and deceit, friendship and deceit, etc.

During the game, conditions are created under which children outlive their own fears. Sometimes the game is structured in such a way that adults and children alternately take the position of a defending and attacking character. The emotion of fear is replaced by the emotion of victory.

To the construction of the style of communication "Adult - Parent".

As well as "Parent - Parent", this style of communication is little represented in pedagogical theory and practice. Let's outline the contours of such communication: we turn the child not just into an assistant to the educator (as was the case in the experiments of E.V. Subbotsky), but into a defender of the interests of the educator.

For example, the child is trusted with a watch and asked to ensure that the teacher does not delay the time of an important meeting with someone (for this, the teacher leaves the group just in time) or the start time of classes, etc. At the same time, the teacher refers to excessive employment, which prevents him from keeping track of time. In this case, it is important to maintain a certain tone of communication with the child, in which there is concern and an emphasized interest in the help of this particular child: "I ask you, because you will not forget."

To the construction of the style of communication "Adult - Adult".

An important condition for communication in the position "Adult - Adult" is sincerity in perceiving the child as an adult - on an equal footing, the desire to act together with him, learn, discover. We emphasize that in terms of education, it is not the content of communication between the teacher and the child that is significant in itself, but the fact that this is serious communication, on an equal footing. Here it is important to stay "on the wave" "Adult - Adult".

It is easy to imagine how approximately the same content can be expressed in the position "from above". For example: "I remind you again: everything needs to be done on time. Just remember: when the phylocactus was not watered on time, it withered (index finger up). This is how animals will get sick (again thumbs up) if you do not take care of them" (" Parent - Adult"), or: "Well, remember, which of you did not water the phylocactus? Who caused the phylocactus to wither? It's time to remember: if you don't take care of the animals, they will get sick too, so..." ( "Parent-Child").

To the construction of the style of communication "Adult - Child".

We see the basis for building this style of communication in the developments on intensive psychotherapy by K. Rogers. The rule that the educator should follow in this case can be formulated as understanding, acceptance and recognition, which we have already considered above.

So we've looked at nine possible styles communication between teacher and child. At the same time, it was not by chance that we emphasized the exemplary and unfinished nature of the developments presented here. The construction of each of the noted styles of communication requires significant both experimental and practical tests "for strength" in the conditions of a real pedagogical process.

Other publications on the topic of this article:

Good afternoon, Dear Readers. I continue to publish articles on the methodology of Systemic Psychotherapy. This article is about Bern's Transactional Analysis (TA).

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As you may have guessed, the creator of TA is the outstanding American psychiatrist and psychotherapist Eric Lennard Berne. I will not retell his autobiography. If you wish, you can find enough material on the Internet, both about Bern himself and about his works. Here I want to note that TA consists of three parts: structural analysis, transactional analysis and scenario analysis. I will not consider scenario analysis, since Mikhail Efimovich Litvak significantly clarified and supplemented it. It will be published in an article about Sociogen.

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As for the first two parts of the analysis, at first I thought I could put them in one article. However, during the six months of methodical work, so much material has accumulated that, for convenience of presentation, it will be divided into two parts. The first is a structural analysis of personality. The second is directly transactional analysis. They can be used in absolutely any field of activity, and simplicity and intuitive understanding allow you to achieve the desired psychotherapeutic effect in a short time.

So let's get started.

As personality theory shows, a person often says one thing, thinks another, and does a third. Yes, our personality is broad and multifaceted. So, one side of it can easily deceive the other. All this is done unconsciously. Thus, a person is often unaware of the true motives that pushed him to certain actions, gave rise to certain feelings and thoughts.

Transactional analysis of Bern successfully shows how human beings can fool themselves and others and strive for this with enviable constancy and ever-increasing strength. However, the consequences are often tragic. Structural analysis will help stop self-deception.

It is known that in different situations people behave differently. This is more clearly demonstrated next example. We are crossing the street. At the same time, we carefully look around, try to choose a place where there is a traffic light or at least a zebra. Only after making sure that the transition is safe, we perform the action. Every step we take was carefully thought out.

But here a car rushes ahead of us, and even splashes from head to toe. The unlucky driver immediately hears our mild criticism, grumbling and poorly concealed anger. In a fraction of a second, literally everything has changed in our behavior - language, gestures, facial expressions.

We manage, though not without incident, to cross the street. But here we find that our dress suit is seriously soiled. We feel intense resentment, disappointment, and grief. We start crying. Here again one can observe a complete change in the inner state of the soul.

Carefully observing the sick, Eric Berne discovered three I-states (Ego-states) of a personality that each person has and which, in turn, and sometimes together, go to external or internal communication. I-states are normal psychological phenomena human personality. In science, a phenomenon is an observable phenomenon or event. Dear Reader, I will not bore you with a complex theory and will immediately move on to the example described above.

In the first case, we see the Adult, in the second, the formidable Parent, and in the third, the capricious little Child. Watching a person for some time, he can be seen in at least two I-states. Thus, while eating, we automatically chew food (Parent action) and enjoy the taste of food (Child). And if smart thoughts come to mind, then the Adult I-state is observed here.

And here is another example of the three states of the ego. Let's imagine that we are talking to interesting person opposite sex. Then the Child flirts, and the Adult manages the situation, skillfully using the Parent's templates, with the help of which the conversation is maintained.

Now I propose to consider in detail the structure and functions of each I-state. They are not only useful. Oftentimes, I-states can really ruin our lives. But first things first.

Let's start with Parent. It is copied from our parents or authorities. Shows up in manners common phrases, automatic actions (walking, drinking, eating, etc.). His main words are: "should, must, must, must not", as well as criticisms like “so, remember”, “stop it”, “no way in the world”, “I would be in your place”, “my dear”. Mikhail Litvak describes this I-state as follows: “If an action is performed frequently and becomes automatic, the Parent appears. This is the autopilot that guides our ship in the right direction. normal conditions What frees the Adult from making routine everyday decisions is also the brakes that automatically keep us from reckless actions. The parent is our conscience. Another danger comes from the Parent. It often contains powerful prohibition programs that prevent the individual from satisfying his needs, these are prohibitions: "Do not marry until you get higher education”,“ Never meet on the street ”, etc. For a while they restrain the Child, but then the energy of unsatisfied needs destroys the dam of prohibitions. When the Child (I want) and the Parent (Impossible) quarrel with each other, and the Adult cannot reconcile them, an internal conflict develops, a person is torn apart by contradictions.

The parent contains such aspects as control, prohibitions, ideal requirements, instructions, teachings, rules of conduct, postulates of social norms. On the one hand, the Parent is a set of useful and time-tested rules, and on the other hand, prejudices, prejudices, dogmatism, inflexibility of dictated prescriptions. A person who is in the position of the Parent always evaluates (compares everything with his internal standard). For example: the food is salty, you are a fool, you did the right thing.

According to Bern, the Parent is divided into the Prejudiced (Critical) Parent (prohibitions, sharp criticality of views, criticism, sanctions, ridiculous, shameful prejudices and beliefs passed down from generation to generation, stubbornness, rejection of criticism and objections) and Nursing (Caring) (advice worthy of postulates, support, patronage of patronage and care, virtue). The first is a set of outwardly arbitrary irrational relations and parameters, usually prohibitive in nature, which can be either in harmony with oneself and with others, or in disharmony. The second is manifested in sympathy for another individual, it can also be harmonious and disharmonic.
The manifestation of the Prejudiced Parent is the phrase: Who does this? How can you not know this? Don't talk nonsense!
The manifestation of the Caring Parent are the phrases: Put on a hat, Eat well, I will help you do it.

Berne sees the main function of the Parent as conserving energy and reducing anxiety by making certain decisions "automatic" and relatively unchanging. This is beautiful if combined with a harmonious state.

Adequate Parental manifestations - the absence of personality criticism, the maximum help with their useful templates to the Adult, the absence of ridiculous rules of behavior and outdated stereotypes, caring for other people when they really need it.

Inadequate Parental manifestations - criticism of the individual, dissatisfaction with the world, life and people, arrogance, prohibitions, dogmas, incorrect patterns of behavior, excessive guardianship; categorical, self-confident tone; emotions and feelings: anger, anger, contempt, hatred; physical signs: furrowed brow, head shaking, "menacing look", sighs, arms crossed over chest.

From the position of the Parent, the roles of a father, an older sister, a teacher, and a boss are often “played”. Professions: priest, or (worse) religious fanatic.

Litvak describes the adult self-state as follows: “The adult is necessary for survival. The child wants, the Adult fulfills. An adult crosses the street, climbs mountains, makes an impression, obtains food, builds a dwelling, sews clothes, and so on. The Adult controls the actions of the Parent and the Child. The mottos of the Adult are expedient, useful.

The Adult Ego is the individual's ability to objectively evaluate reality based on information received as a result of his own experience (excluding the Parent's templates), and on the basis of this, make independent, adequate situations and decisions. This is the concept of life through thinking. Bern's Adult plays the role of arbiter between Parent and Child. Analyzing the information, the Adult decides which behavior is most appropriate for the given circumstances, which stereotypes it is desirable to refuse, and which it is desirable to include. He perceives and processes the logical component of information, makes decisions mostly deliberately and without emotions, checking their reality. The Adult Self, unlike the Parental Self, promotes adaptation not in standard, unambiguous situations, but in unique situations that require reflection, giving freedom of choice and, at the same time, the need to be aware of the consequences and make responsible decision-making. Sobriety, independence and competence are demonstrated.

The adult is the most rational component, functioning relatively independently. And although he uses the information that is embedded in the patterns of the Parent and the desires of the Child, however, he is independent of the prejudices and dogmas of the first and the impulses of the second. An adult is the ability to find compromises and alternative options in life's dead ends, which sometimes seem hopeless to us. This state functions "here and now", regardless of the past.

Bern characterizes the state of the Adult as follows: “It is partly a self-programming computer designed to control actions in the external environment. An adult calculates the results in advance and, depending on how accurate the forecasts are, he gets pleasure, satisfaction or admiration with a favorable forecast; and irritation or indignation at the unfavorable.

So, a well-developed Adult is distinguished by organization, adaptability and reasonableness, he is perceived as an objective relationship with the outside world; processes data efficiently and uses it as efficiently as possible; perceives and evaluates reality, thinks logically; has high reliability and responsibility; calm tone; emotions and feelings - calmness, satisfaction, balance; confident behavior.

From the position of an adult, the roles of a neighbor, an accidental fellow traveler, a subordinate who knows his worth, etc. are “played”.

Profession – doctor-diagnostician; biologist; economist, scientist, etc.

Child. Mikhail Litvak gives him the following description: “This is the source of our desires, inclinations, needs. Here joy, intuition, creativity, fantasy, curiosity, spontaneous activity. But there are also fears, whims, discontent. In addition, the whole psychic energy is in the Child. For whom do we live? For the Child! It may be the best part of our personality." I wrote more about this in a philosophical article "".

A child is that part of the personality that has been preserved from real childhood and contains those memories that were associated with early childhood impressions and experiences. Each person has retained in his soul the perception of himself as a child, that is, in certain situations, regardless of age, he feels like a boy or a girl from his past.

A child is something that has fun, in which all our inclinations lie. Eat, drink, have sex, have fun, love, walk, communicate, etc. We can only feel good when the needs of our inner Child are satisfied! Characteristic words: “I want”, “I don’t want”, “it makes me angry”, “I wish”, “I hate”, “I like it”, “what do I care”.

The childish self-state follows the life principle of feelings. Behavior in the present is influenced by feelings from childhood. The child also performs its own, special functions that are not characteristic of the other two components of the personality. It is responsible for originality, intuition, relaxation of tension, obtaining pleasant, sometimes “sharp” impressions, necessary to a certain extent for normal life, as well as for creativity, which the Adult realizes. The child creates in the soul, the Adult diligently performs.

In addition, the Child Self takes the stage when a person does not feel strong enough to independent decision problems: unable to overcome difficulties, resist the pressure of another person.

According to Berne, the Child manifests itself in two forms - the Free (Natural) Child and the Adapted (Adaptable) Child. The first includes impulses inherent in the child: spontaneous reactions such as joy, sadness, gullibility, tenderness, spontaneity, curiosity, creative enthusiasm and ingenuity. It gives a person charm and warmth, but at the same time it is a source of whims, resentment, fears, frivolity, stubbornness and egocentrism. The second form is characterized by conformity (correspondence to some recognized or required standard of either one's own Parent or the Parent of one of the authorities), uncertainty in communication, modesty, adaptation, obedience, timidity, guilt, hesitation. This is that part of the personality that wants to be accepted by parents (or other people) and no longer allows itself to behave that does not meet their expectations and requirements. A variation of the Adapted Child is the Rebellious (against the Parent) Child, who irrationally rejects authorities and norms, grossly violating discipline. As Mikhail Litvak said: “The more a person wants to appear good on the outside, the deeper the bad accumulates inside him and wants to break out.”

The child is inherent in: giggling, shyness; the behavior of a small child; fantasy-inclined thinking; infantilism; pranks; crying, whining, accusations; feeling of unreality, mania, alienation, a state of deja vu; hallucinations; various psychopathic manifestations; emotionality, defenselessness, irresponsibility; tone: uncertain, capricious; emotions and feelings: anxiety, anxiety, fear, chagrin, resentment, irascibility; insecure behavior. Non-verbal manifestations include trembling lips, downcast eyes, shrugging, expressions of joy, delight.

Adequate manifestations of the Child - sex, creative activity, interesting activity or communication. The key here is interest. If our Child is busy interesting business, his requirements for other goods are very moderate, and if they are met in a timely manner, everything is in order with our personality.

Inadequate manifestations of the Child: computer games, masturbation, any immoral, incontinence, asocial actions, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, pursuit of fashion, expensive junk food, long chatter on the phone, endless TV viewing.

From the position of the child "play" following roles: a young inexperienced specialist, an artist - a favorite of the public, son-in-law, etc.

Profession: jester, clown, clown.

Based on the above characteristics of I-states, it is convenient to diagnose which of them dominates the behavior of the individual.

Dear Reader, I hear your question: “Why in the diagram is the Parent always placed at the top, the Adult in the middle, and the Child at the bottom?” (Fig.1). The answer to this is a quote from the book of Eric Berne: “The Parent is placed above, and the Child is placed below intuitively. But this intuition has a fairly solid origin. The parent serves as a guide in satisfying the desire for ethics and the empyrean hunger for heaven; The adult is occupied with the earthly realities of objective life; A child is a purgatory, and sometimes a hell (I would say, before therapy - 100% hell; Yu.L.). The Parent is the weakest member, the Adult is easily disempowered, but the Child is almost indefatigable.

It should be remembered that each type of self-state has its own life value for the body. We have already found that any of these three components of personality can make both positive and negative changes in human behavior.

According to Berne, the formation of a mature personality is mainly associated with the formation of a fully functioning Adult. Deviations in this process are determined by the predominance of one of the other two I-states, which leads to inadequate behavior and distortion of a person's attitude. Accordingly, psychotherapy should be aimed at establishing a balance of these three components and strengthening the role of the Adult.

In transactional analysis, Berne considers two types of violations - this is contamination (lighter cases) and exclusion (severe cases). Definitions will be given below.

Dear Reader, at first I propose to consider cases of contamination as the simplest ones.

Contamination (contamination, shown in Fig. 2). It is a standard inclusion of a part of one I-state into another. On the one hand, such a violation is best illustrated certain types Parental prejudices, and on the other hand, some Children's behaviors (mania, fears, resentment, anxiety). Let's start with the Contaminated Parent example.

CONTAMINATED PARENT

I will analyze this case in more detail. Dear Readers, I am sure that you are smart people and, using Berne's theory, as well as my practical analysis, you will figure out how to eliminate certain personal shortcomings in yourself. If not - with my services With my services and can be found in the article "".

As can be seen from the diagram, part of the Parental Self-state in the form of prejudice or erroneous stereotype invades the Adult Self-state, thereby polluting it with its incorrect views on life and conclusions. It seems that the thought comes from the Adult, but in fact it is guided by the dogmatic Parent. Bern rightly believes that after a successful psychotherapy, the decontamination (purification) of the Adult occurs - he understands that the dogma is incorrect, since it was not the fruit of his mental activity, but came from the Parent (parents or authorities). Thus, the Adult is gradually cleared of unnecessary stereotypes, and in the future - pushes the border of the Parent to its proper place, bringing all three I-states back to normal.

Behavior dominated by the Contaminated Parent was typical for A., ​​aged 29. Since childhood, due to improper upbringing, many disturbing, unnecessary and outdated stereotypes have accumulated in his Parent. This led to the systematic suppression of the Child. But, since the control over him was vigilant, the Child first subsided, then reminded of itself in the most unexpected way. Thus, a dogma was written in the Parent: “I have to work 10 hours a day, without rest and feeling tired.” Agree, Dear Reader, an absolutely impossible requirement - we are not robots. The child was infringed in everything (the inner Parent put powerful prohibitive programs in the form of “No”) - he didn’t play computer games, although he really wanted to, didn’t walk and almost didn’t communicate with girls, infantile satisfaction was chosen instead of sex - onanism. But the Child has not disappeared from the personality structure! How could our “naughty” Child, who was so imprudently forgotten, crushed and generally tried to be thrown out of his own personality, show himself? That's right, he interfered with concentration and distracted from work. He was drawn to either chat with girls, or eat, or even go to porn sites. As a result, the efficiency in the work tended to zero. A. was barely enough for 2-3 hours a day, and his activity was far from being the most intense and productive character. The concentration of attention was sharply reduced, fatigue was observed and growing dissatisfaction with oneself, the world and loved ones (you can read more about the manifestations of neurosis in the article ""). And when useful Parental templates began to be absent in the work, the Child became frightened, ached, complained and desperately demanded advice.

There were also other incorrect attitudes in his Parent, which the complaisant Adult diligently carried out. But let's not talk about them. By the way, the Child, not receiving proper compensation, often rebelled, already starting to pollute the position of the Adult (I described such a case in more detail in Contamination of the Adult).

What are the future prospects for such behavior for A.? There can be two options here: 1) the Child will still take its toll and be able to satisfy itself in compensatory activities (computer games, alcohol, easily accessible sex, etc.), thereby polluting the field of the Adult; 2) The Parent will completely suppress the Child, thereby excluding him from the personality structure.

How to change the situation? Where to start and what to do?

The main task transactional analysis of Bern is to find out which of the I-states causes personality problems. Here the answer is obvious - it's the Parent.

Corrections on Parent: Remove old dogmas. For example, work 10 hours a day. The rationale for this revision is that throughout his life, he never managed to fulfill this requirement. Stop criticizing people. Skillfully use those skills that come automatically and are necessary for life. That is, in the position of the Parent, it is necessary to store the skills and knowledge already acquired during the study process in case they are needed to facilitate the work of the Adult - in solving important problems (for example, the rules of psychologically competent communication, studying in English, typing without looking at the keyboard), as well as working out logically perfected further action. It is advisable to analyze every categorical thought, every this assessment, each labeled: aren't they just another dogma of the inner Parent? If so, develop a new position with the participation of the Adult.

Adult corrections: you need to learn to make decisions on your own - adapt to life, think for yourself, not ask for advice. Search for answers on your own life questions. If you reduce the pressure of the Parent on the Child in the exclusion of dogmas and prohibitions, if you allow the Adult to learn and think, this will give a Creative breakthrough to the Child (it is in this position that the whole creative potential, all the emotional energy that is best directed to an interesting business). It is necessary to try to be in the Adult position as often as possible when it comes to business, study, personal growth, development and communication. According to Litvak, it is desirable for a person to be in it up to 70% of the time, dividing the remaining 30% equally between the Child and the Parent and changing these ratios depending on the current situation. Eric Berne is right in thinking that: "The problem is not that a person is immature, but how to plug in his Adult."

Corrections for the Child. Since it is the most suppressed, Parental pressure should be reduced as much as possible. give yourself good rest. It is impossible to do what you want, even through prohibitive programs. For example, play a game, go on a date, do nothing all day, sit and chat on social networks. networks, etc. In rest, the Child should occupy at least 80%, another 20% - the Adult who looks after the Child. And certainly there should not be a pedantic and boring, correct and stiff Parent, who can spoil any rest with his dogmas.

CONTAMINATED CHILD

By analogy with the contamination of the Parent, consider how the Adult is contaminated by the Child. The latter invades its boundaries, immediately desiring all the joys of life. An adult gives in, persuading himself that he is tired, overworked, that everything is tired, that work is not a wolf, he will not run away into the forest. Rest is essential, of course. Tom, how not to get tired of life and have a good rest, I have dedicated a separate article. Pollution is manifested in Unreasonable rest, which harms the body. It includes promiscuous sexual relations (this is where diseases from pleasure come from); use of alcohol, drugs, tobacco; here there is an attempt to satisfy the whims of the Child at the expense of gastronomic delights (or overeating), and expensive fashionable clothes, when there is no particular need for this, which leads to excesses (after all, this fashion is copied from the authorities, in other words, I already wrote about). An adult works hard, fulfilling the whims of children. Typically, after a certain amount of time, a Contaminated Child can develop into an Exclusionary; much less often Bern observed the double contamination of the Adult position.

The way out is to revise the Child's position. Having taken the Adult position, it is necessary to clearly determine which rest is the norm, and which leads to negative consequences. It is not difficult to do this. Consider going to a disco (for what purpose? To kill time, find a sexual partner, throw away accumulated energy) and, in contrast to it, sex with a reliable and proven, preferably permanent, partner.

In the first case, financial costs are inevitable. This is an entrance fee, and ordering expensive drinks, and paying for a taxi. We also add harm to health here - the life schedule goes astray, which leads to stress, ruff from beer and longer also does not add optimism to the liver and intestines. I'm already talking about wasted time. And it’s good if such a vacation does without a fight or stabbing. So, after the disco, N., a friend, could not come to her senses for another three days because of the weakness of the body, which was expressed in poor performance and certain financial losses (N. worked for herself).

And now sex. If the partner is permanent, then not only the bodies, but also the souls have managed to get used to each other. There is good chance that enjoyment will be higher. Full sex (ending in a man with ejaculation, and in a woman with several orgasms) is a wonderful positive stress for the whole organism. This pleasant procedure will take no more than a couple of hours (someone for how long is enough).

However, a trip to a disco can easily replace an exciting tour. Here everyone decides for himself.

If everything is done correctly, the decontamination of the Adult position occurs, the correct patterns of behavior that are not harmful to health are gradually introduced into the position of the Parent, which leads to a gradual return of positions to their natural state and strengthening of the boundaries between the I-states of the individual.

CONTAMINATED ADULT

Such cases are quite problematic. There is already double contamination here, which can lead to unforeseen consequences. The position of the Adult is simultaneously polluted by the dogmas of the Parent and the desires of the Child that have broken through. Keeping control over them is getting harder. As a result, in an unexpected situation, a stupor or loss of control occurs. The adult, as it were, is torn between the Parent's Impossible and Must and I Want, Tired of the Child.

Here are some examples.

L., aged 26, was often in the position of the Parent, thereby actively polluting the position of the Adult. This was manifested in increased control over oneself and others; criticism; unnecessary dogmas and patterns of behavior; celebrating various holidays and celebrations; she hated surprises and could hardly bear compliments. The suppressed Child endured for a long time, however, thanks to the absurd actions of the Parent, his internal reserves were gradually depleted. The child broke out. This manifested itself in the pursuit of fashion, expensive unhealthy food and frequent tour trips (a futile attempt to escape from oneself). Of course, the longer this situation lasts, the more the Child component of the personality is suppressed and denied, the more compensation it will demand. In the future, this can lead to the position of the Excluding Parent.

Second example. V., aged 23, Parent Program which was written: "I must please everyone." Agree, Dear Reader, an impossible task, sooner or later leading to neurosis. V. did not like himself and was unable to accept himself as he was. When he was left alone, a burning feeling of loneliness and abandonment by the whole world rolled over. As a result, his Child could not stand the absurd dogmas and the observance by all of the moral and social norms of the inner Parent. It began to cry and beg to be released. Having escaped, the Child found compensation in infantile satisfaction (masturbation), computer games and social recreation. But the dogmas of the Parent have not gone away. Ultimately, the field of the Adult became polluted in addition by excessive Childish desires. As a result, his Adult in unexpected situations lost control and no longer controlled the situation. There were several examples of this. I will give one for clarity: V. went to a friend, but forgot the code in the front door. Since his friend's phone was not answered, V. began to wait patiently for someone to come in. A woman came in but didn't let him in. And yes, she got nasty too. He should have been shocked, but he had a slight stupor (more precisely, in his Adult): first, an attack of aggression and anger followed (the trick of the Parent); then they changed to emotions of fear and resentment (Child). In the future, this state of affairs can lead to the personality structure of the Exclusionary Adult.
In all these cases, it is necessary to weaken Parental Control. With the help of the Adult position, reconsider the old unnecessary rules and patterns that interfere with life. Unleash the Child. Depending on the degree of pollution and the speed of work on oneself, this can take from six months to several years.

Now let's talk about Exception Conditions. Everything is much more serious here.

Exception (Fig. 3) manifests itself in a stereotyped, predictable attitude that constantly and permanently occurs in Any Threatening Situation. The permanent Parent, the permanent Adult, and the permanent Child arise from the action defense mechanisms two additional aspects of personality in each case. In Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy, Berne considered exception cases in mentally ill people (psychotics: patients with paranoid schizophrenia and chronic delusional disorder). Of course, this more accurately reflects the essence of the Exception. However, the examples of neurotics taken from my practice, from my point of view, maximally reflect the Exceptions that can be seen in Real Daily Life.

EXCLUSIVE PARENT

This Exception represents protection from the embarrassing actions of the Child. Such people find it difficult to recognize its existence, because the purpose of the exclusion is precisely the control over this aspect of the personality and its denial. Adult and Child appear in exceptionally favorable circumstances. They enter the outer arena only in a state of complete safety, which is extremely rare. At the slightest threat to the hegemony of the Parent, especially when the childish aspect of the personality, expressed in self-indulgence or antics, is recognized, the Parent immediately excludes the Child. Of course, the Child demands compensation. It is already impossible to live without it, otherwise troubles cannot be avoided.

For clarity, I will give a few examples.

Housewife T., 60 years old, having completely suppressed the inner Child, was always in the position of the Parent. She resembled a walking scheme, which diligently and diligently followed all the rules and regulations. Her Child was devoid of interest, joy and love. deficit positive emotions led to severe psychosomatic illnesses. There were hypertension, and diabetes, and pain in the heart, and severe prolonged migraines, and problems with the gastrointestinal tract. In the family, she tried to be useful: to predict the desires of her husband and son (Caring Parent) - to feed more densely, to dress warmer, to do all the housework. Of course, the Child demanded compensation for his complete disregard. It was endless phone conversations and frequent scandals with family members, accompanied by immoral behavior inherent in the child who escaped to freedom.

The second example is the so-called religious fanatics. Litvak calls them orthodox. They consider only their faith to be true. Step to the right, step to the left - execution on the spot. Such Torquemadas can pose a serious threat to society. So, V., 30 years old, lived exclusively on Indian Vedas. If anyone spoke disrespectfully of Krishna or did not share her views, either the formidable Parent entered the arena, who mercilessly criticized the offender (Critical Parent), or the Child, who manifested himself in tears, hysteria, fears and immoral behavior. AT Everyday life The child found compensation in sewing soft children's toys. There were sadness and tears in their eyes. Tears of her Child.

Another religious fanatic, F., aged 36, believed in her God so much that she talked about it in the right place and in the wrong place. It was impossible to deal with her - all topics invariably came down to God. Generally speaking, there is nothing wrong with religion, I myself am a believing Christian. However, why should everyone fanatically impose their views on this matter? Her Child made up for herself by teaching the Bible to children for free. But what kind of teaching was it… I got scared sometimes. She looked like someone possessed, and not God at all.

The latest example is W., aged 33. All her life she hid the Child more deeply and was engaged in Parental criticism. Criticized everyone and everything. No matter what was discussed, an abundant stream of bile immediately poured out on those around. All were fools. She could find a hundred flaws in every person within a minute. The closer people got, the stronger the Criticism of the Parent sounded. Clinging to little things has become a habit. Terrible habit. Her Compensation turned into a severe form of computer addiction (gambling). The child has fully taken his own.

EXCLUSIVE ADULTS

Such people, on the one hand, are deprived of the charm, gaiety and spontaneity that characterize a healthy child, and on the other hand, they are not able to show the conviction or indignation characteristic of normal parents. The Child and the Parent are in conflict all the time, and the Adult is not able to reconcile them. He is forced to blindly fulfill all the outdated Parental dogmas and at the same time is unable to restrain the fears and desires of the Child. Only then can he achieve compensation. Before us is a Man-Deprived-of-Control. Litvak believes that such people are sick at best with neurosis, at worst with psychosis.

And now an example. In winter, I went from a friend in a trolleybus. In the middle of the route, a passenger entered the car and immediately attracted the attention of a good half of the car. His gaze was anxiously wandering, and inadequacy was evident in every action. In 15 minutes, he changed seats three times. At first, he sat down next to the man, spoke abruptly and loudly, gesticulated strongly, grimaced, and clearly violated the man's comfort distance. He recoiled from him, turned to the window. After talking to himself for another five minutes, the strange passenger moved to the woman, continuing to bend his demeanor. He tried to find out from her how to get to D Street. Having received no answer, he jumped up and sat down opposite me. All this time I have been watching him carefully. He saw my calm attentive and benevolent look and slightly calmed down. Almost normally asked about the street he was interested in. I replied. Here he again lost control of the situation. More precisely, his Adult again lost his powers. They were alternately captured by the Parent (conservative criticism) and the Child (fears, complaints and whining). As I skillfully assented and depreciatedly agreed, for a short time he managed to calm down. He again asked how to get to the right street. I answered again. Here we have arrived. Watching him, I saw that he remained standing at the bus stop (Adult again fell into a stupor).
I am not a doctor, but any person would rate his behavior as inadequate and difficult to control.

EXCLUSIVE CHILD

Bern rightly believes that this state manifests itself in narcissistic impulsive people. Their motto is: "All for the sake of the Child!". Any of his whims, any trifle should immediately be satisfied. In such people, the Judgmental and Feeding Parent are completely blocked, and the rational Adult is busy satisfying the ever-increasing Childish desires. Before us is a Man-Without-Conscience. This is a hypocrite, ready for anything. Gaining power, he turns into a tyrant and a sadist. Unhealthy selfishness is in full swing from him, as he tries to satisfy his needs at the expense of the obvious infringement of the interests of other people. In rare cases, there may be a weak manifestation of the Adult and the Parent, but at the sight of the slightest danger or threat, they instantly disappear and the Child enters the arena.

Such a personality structure is possessed by alcoholics and future alcoholics (drinking alcohol 2-3 times a week and more often). Sooner or later in society there is an indignation against them, which only strengthens their constant internal stress which sooner or later leads to intrapersonal conflicts and illnesses.

If we consider the Excluding Child from the point of view of patients with psychosis, then schizophrenics have this personality structure. As for neurotics, the Parent, although blocked, has not disappeared anywhere. Its manifestation can be observed in pangs of conscience and severe remorse. It affects the personality unconsciously. Having excluded all moral norms for himself, the inner Parent begins to demand their fulfillment from other people.

I'll give you an example.

Some time ago I worked in a security office. There were three security guards on site. Among them was S., who, despite his young age, was already addicted to alcohol. He drank 3-4 times a week, 2 times - capitally - on his weekends, another 1-2 times - right after work, so that, as he put it, "calm down, relax, relieve fatigue and stress." In the second case, S. limited himself to a couple of bottles of beer, while in the first case, he could not do without vodka. He also tried to get all the blessings of life at the same time: he smoked, occasionally used soft drugs in the form of “grass”, at home, in addition to having sex with a girlfriend, he played computer games, drank in bars or hung out in nightclubs. After such events, he was usually “flattened and covered”, once he was even severely beaten. As a rule, he suffered from a severe hangover. Here the Parent took his toll, recouping to the full for all the whims of the Child. This was expressed in the most severe self-criticism with a sense of guilt and awareness of the complete insignificance and meaninglessness of their existence. In this case, Self-flagellation is an integral compensation for the blocked Parent.

Of course, it was impossible to work with such a person. He let the whole team down - often in a plaintive tone he asked to leave on business, for 30 minutes. He came in 2-3 hours later. When asked why he was late, he always told lies - the transport didn’t go well, he got stuck in a traffic jam, they didn’t set a test at the institute, the police detained him, etc. As Vysotsky sings: "It's funny, but it's not funny." It was also lucky that the boss did not see his antics, otherwise the whole shift could fly in. He also, instead of following the visitors of the facility, played games on the phone or ran for smoke breaks. Sometimes there was a paradoxical situation when none of the three guards was at the facility - one went for lunch, the second - for a well-deserved five-minute rest. Our S., who at that time was supposed to be sitting at the main entrance, suddenly ran out for a smoke break. Thank God everything went well.

But he always arrived at work 15 minutes earlier (the actions of a strict Parent, motivated by the fears of the Child) - he said that he was afraid of the authorities, although other guards could afford to be up to half an hour late and were never punished. From point of view transactional analysis of Bern , his Adult has come up with a credible excuse for his behavior; rationalizations and intellectualizations are psychological defenses and will be discussed in the corresponding article.

But the Exclusionary Child manifested itself most clearly in society. His behavior in society was simply immoral: in transport, he made faces from everyone, made obscene sounds (farting and burping), mimicked the elderly, laughed at the poor, crippled and disabled. He behaved worse than a jester or a circus clown.

Bern notes that there are patients who are capable of either stubborn resistance or a rapid transition from one state to another. The first option is more suitable for strong Exceptional personality types, while the second is the result of contamination and is more inherent in people with a weak character.

Dear Reader, let me finish this article. Exceptional cases are severe and require the help of a qualified specialist, possibly inpatient treatment in a neurosis or psychosis clinic. Contamination, with proper analysis and systematic work, can be eliminated independently. Below you will find a test to determine the dominant self-state. My result was WDR. B (58 points) - 51.78%; D (35 points) - 31.25%; P (19 points) - 16.97%. You can download the questionnaire from here (Narod.ru file hosting service). Please let me know if the link is out of date and the download is no longer possible.
The next article is devoted directly to . It will clearly illustrate the mechanism of the conflict.

Most of the theories that describe the mechanisms of a person's gender-role identity associate them primarily with the family. In the process of gender-role identification of a child, the observed behavior of his parents serves as a model for imitation and assimilation of his gender role.

The task that is solved with the help of this technique is the definition of sex-role models, assimilated by the subjects in the family and manifested in the form of personality components of a certain gender and selected cognitively.

To solve this problem, the structural model of E. Berne (1992) was chosen, which describes a person in the form of ego states, by which he understands a consistent type of feeling and experience, directly related to the corresponding behavior.

Berne clearly distinguishes between the external or social plane and the internal, psychological plane, which concerns inner world man and his individual perception of events.

The social plane in Berne's concept is represented by transactions in the process of communication, and the internal ego-states, which he calls Parent, Adult and Child. internal plan in the process of communication, it manifests itself externally in the conversion of any hypostasis of one person to another and the response of this hypostasis.

Berne's three ego states can be summarized as follows:

1)Parent- functions of control over compliance with norms and regulations, as well as patronage and care. This is the actualization of the moral sphere of the individual. Parent is above the situation. When referring to hypostasis parent this is an appeal to the ethical system of a person, to foundations, to a sense of duty with an unknown and uncontrolled reaction. Attitude to Parent with the utmost respect.

2) Adult- reason, information processing and probabilistic assessment for effective interaction with the outside world; it is the actualization of the rational sphere of personality. Adult partly inside and outside the situation. When referring to adult- this is an impact that means a direct reaction, perhaps somewhat delayed and to some extent left to the discretion of the partner, as a conscious person who has a certain freedom and capabilities of a person. Attitude to adult respectful .

3) Child - part of the personality containing affective complexes associated with early childhood impressions and experiences. This is the actualization emotional sphere personality. Child completely inside the situation. The impact occurs directly, the result is expected momentary and usually quite predictable. child we don't respect at all.

Since Bern's ego-states are activated hypostases of a person, let's see what they are from the point of view of R. Burns's Self-concept (2003). Self-concept is a set of attitudes towards oneself, which has cognitive, emotional-evaluative and behavioral components, which in relation to a person performs a triple role: it contributes to the achievement of internal consistency of the personality, interprets experience and is a source of expectations, which manifests itself in the form of various ego states in life. situations. According to Burns, there are three main modalities of self-attitudes: I am real attitudes related to the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bwho I really am, I am a mirror (social) attitudes related to ideas about how others see me, I am perfect attitudes related to ideas about how I should be, and I am reflective as I am aware.

Insofar as Parent represents a certain supra-situational figure that reflects the moral social norms, it can be considered as a kind of I am perfect, i.e. understanding by the individual of what he should become, based on moral standards. On the other hand, since according to Berne hypostasis parent contains subhypostasis child, i.e. ideas about what should be Child, then in this case, I am perfect has an impact Parent.

Views on how to behave as an adult correspond to adult its modality parent. Thus, Parent influences the formation adult and Child.

Thus, Parent this, on the one hand, I am perfect, and on the other hand, the learned role model parent.

Adult is partly inside and outside the situation, i.e. it can be viewed as a collection I am real and I-reflexive, wherein I am real is inside the situation, and I-reflexive outside of her.

Berne does not consider the ego-state of the individual in terms of belonging to any gender. For the purposes of our study, this question requires clarification. Note that when we talk about the way a man or woman behaves, we are referring to general ideas about the behavior that is most characteristic of a man or woman in our culture. Thus, Parent and Adult how members of a particular sex exhibit behaviors that are most characteristic of members of both genders in our culture.

Child- actualization of the emotional sphere of the personality, reflects, in accordance with the I-concept, the attitude towards oneself as emotional aspect three main modalities, is traces of a person's childhood and reproduces his behavior and mental condition in a particular situation, using the capabilities of an adult.

Research conducted by Sitnikov V.L. (2001, p. 60) show that the image child, despite its variability, depends not so much on the object (child), "but on the subject who is aware of this image. The variability of the image child depends on many objective and subjective parameters of the subject. "Under the objective parameters of the subject, V.L. Sitnikov understands the social position in relation to children, and under the subjective parameters, the individual mental characteristics of the carrier of images. At the same time, the subjective factors formed in childhood determine the adult period and allow claim that the image child reflects the subject and his childhood experience.

Application of E.Bern's personality model ( Parent, Adult, Child) together with the method of symbol drama (Obukhov, 1999) in client practice showed that in a state of katatim experience of images, a person represents parent, adult and child a person of a certain gender, which is determined by the characteristics of the child-parent relationship, and corresponds to the results of Sitnikov (2001). An analysis of 80 cases from client practice showed that gender, which determines parent, adult and child, persists and begins to change only as you advance in psychotherapy. This approach correlates with anamnesis data, a projective drawing technique, and the results of working with images of an ideal man and woman.

In practice, stable invariants of the manifestation of ego-states in the behavior of clients were established, which corresponded to the behavior of a person of a certain gender, parental attitudes and expectations of the most significant parent.

For the purposes of studying large samples of subjects, it was necessary to use a simpler technique based on the E. Berne model. Comparison of the results obtained with the help of the simplified technique and with the help of the symbol-drama showed their correspondence, which made it possible for a large sample of subjects to replace the symbol-drama with a simple table, in which three components are indicated: Parent, Adult and Child, and in the instructions, subjects are asked to present a typical parent, adult and child and indicate their gender: male or female. Sex selection parent, adult and child is thus carried out cognitively.

This technique allows you to determine the most significant parent, image I ( adult) and the subject's self-image child a certain gender. Note that the choice made cognitively, however, is not fully realized.

The object of analysis of the results obtained for each subject are the genders of all three components presented in the Berne model.

According to the ratio of male and female genders, the following data can be obtained: 1) about the most significant parent (sex parent) (I am perfect); 2) about the predominant type of behavior Adult( I am real ) (instrumental as male or expressive as female); 3) the probable psychological gender of the subject in childhood ( Child) (emotional perception of oneself as a child of a certain gender).

In a study on a large sample of subjects of different ages and sexes, the analysis is carried out for each gender and age group. Relationships between 1) the sex of the significant parent and ideas about the I-adult are analyzed; 2) the gender of the significant parent and the subject's self-image as child certain gender; 3) the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bI - an adult of a certain gender and the idea of ​​the subject about himself as a child a certain gender.

To do this, from the obtained values ​​for each age and gender group of subjects, a matrix is ​​compiled with a dimension of 3xn, where 3 are the three components of the personality model, in which the gender choices made are assigned values, n is the number of subjects in the sample.

Then the normality of the distribution of the obtained sample, the reliability of the obtained differences by groups and the correlations between pairs of three components are determined. Parent Child, Parent Adult. adult child.

Correlation coefficients between pairs show the type correlation between the components of the personality structure: weak, moderate or strong with a given degree of reliability.

The results obtained show the relationship between 1) the choice of a significant parent and the preferred gender of an adult; 2) the choice of a significant parent and the behavior of the child as a representative of a particular gender; 3) the sex of the ideal adult and the behavior of the child as a representative of a particular sex.

Using this approach, 362 people aged 16 to 60 were studied. It was found that in all age groups of both genders, predominantly Parent own sex, except for women's groups 27-32 and 40-45 years, where it is chosen mainly Parent-the male. All men and women Adult man and Child- male predominate, except for female senior groups: in the group 40-45 years, the choice was distributed equally, in the group 46-40 years Child-female.

The strongest correlations in women of the younger groups (16-19 and 20-26 years old) correspond to the ratio Adult Child, and for the rest Parent Child. For junior male groups - Parent Child, and for the rest - Parent Adult.

Literature

Bern E. Games that people play. People who play games.: Per. from English.//General. ed. M.S. Makovetsky St. Petersburg: Lenizdat, 1992

Burns R. What is I-concept, pp. 333-393 // in the book Psychology of Self-Consciousness, Samara 2003, Bakhrakh-M Publishing House

Sitnikov V.L. The image of a child in the minds of children and adults, Leningrad Pedagogical University, St. Petersburg. Himiizdat, 2001

Obukhov Ya.L. Symboldrama and modern psychoanalysis // Sat. articles. Kharkov: Region-inform, 1999