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Self-esteem is formed from our thoughts, experiences and attitudes towards ourselves. The benefits of healthy self-esteem are mental well-being, self-confidence, resilience, respect for others. About what kind of self-esteem can be considered healthy and balanced, and how important it is to maintain this balance, read in our article.

Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself: how you honestly think about your abilities. If you have healthy self-esteem, you feel confident and see yourself as someone who deserves the respect of others. If you have low self-esteem, you have a low opinion of your abilities and ideas. You constantly worry about "not being good enough".

Even many adults can benefit from increased self-esteem. In order to increase self-esteem, one must develop a healthy sense of self-worth.

Factors that form and influence self-esteem

Self-esteem begins to form early childhood. Factors that can affect self-esteem include:

• Your own thoughts and perception.
• How other people react to you.
• Experience in school, work and community.
• Illness, disability or injury.
• Culture.
• Religion.
• Role and status in society.

Relationships with loved ones - parents, siblings, peers, teachers, and others important contacts especially important for self-esteem. Many of the opinions and beliefs you hold today reflect the messages you received from these people a long time ago.

If your relationship with loved ones is healthy and always has been, you received a generally positive gift from them. feedback and, most likely, your self-esteem is healthy. If, on the other hand, you received mostly negative feedback - you were often criticized, teased or compared to others, then you are most likely now struggling with low self-esteem.

However, your own thoughts render greatest influence to self-esteem. And these thoughts are within your power to change. If you tend to focus on your weaknesses or shortcomings, you can learn to reframe before negative thoughts and instead focus on your positive qualities.

Self-rating ranges

Self-esteem tends to fluctuate over time, depending on the circumstances. In general, however, self-esteem remains in the range that reflects how you feel about yourself. Consider how to recognize the extremes, as well as find a healthy balance somewhere in between.

Too high self-esteem (egocentrism, narcissism, megalomania)

If you value yourself more highly than others do, you may be suffering from inflated self-esteem. If you have an inflated sense of self-worth, you often feel superior, better, smarter than others. Such feelings can lead you to become arrogant or self-indulgent, believing you deserve special privileges.

Low self-esteem

If you have low or negative self-esteem, you have a low opinion of yourself. You focus only on your obvious shortcomings and mistakes, not noticing the skills, abilities and abilities. You think others are more capable, smart, or successful. You may not be able to accept compliments or positive feedback, and you secretly feel unworthy of anyone's love and respect.

Healthy self-esteem

Healthy self-esteem lies between these two extremes. This means you have a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For example, you good opinion about your abilities, but acknowledge your shortcomings. When you understand your own worth, you will be able to properly accept the respect of others and prevent you from being mistreated.

• You actively express and defend your needs and opinions, for which you are respected by others.
• Able to build healthy and honest relationships.
• Realistic in your expectations and rarely overly critical of yourself and others.
• More flexible in a state of stress and failure, endure troubles more easily.
• Are you less likely to experience negative feelings like hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt and shame.
• less likely to develop mental illness such as eating disorders, addiction, depression, etc.

Self-esteem affects almost every aspect of our lives. Maintaining a healthy, realistic view of yourself is essential to a successful, fulfilling life.

How is self-esteem different from arrogance?

To see the difference between these concepts, just look at their meanings:

Self-esteem - respectful, respectful attitude to himself. While

arrogance is a disdainful attitude towards other people.

These are different concepts. A person with self-esteem behaves DECENTLY in relation to himself and to others, this is self-respect and respect for other people. At the same time, arrogance is pride - the feeling of YOURSELF as big, and those around you - smaller.

Self-esteem is self-respect and respect for others, understanding in oneself and in others of a Person with capital letter, recognition in each Soul, the divine principle. Arrogance is a word that speaks for itself. The arrogant has the sin of pride, considering himself superior to the rest and not respecting the other person. Great answers have already been given. And here is the opinion of the great bard Bulat Okudzhava:

Self-esteem ...

Self-esteem is a mysterious tool:

It is created for centuries, and is lost at the moment

Whether under the accordion, under the bombing, under the beautiful chatter,

Dried up, destroyed, crushed at the root.

Self-respect is the mysterious path

On which it's easy to break, but you can't turn back,

Because without delay, inspirational, pure, alive,

Dissolve, turn to dust human image your.

Self-esteem is just a portrait of love.

I love you, my comrades - pain and tenderness in my blood.

No matter what darkness and evil prophesied, nothing but this

Humanity did not invent for its own salvation.

So do not waste, brother, do not turn off, spit on the absurd fuss -

You will lose your divine face, primordial beauty.

Well, why risk so much in vain? Aren't there enough other worries?

Get up, go, soldier, only straight ahead, only forward.

Arrogance is a kind of narcissism, narcissism and installation on an inaccessible pedestal, comparing others through the prism of the insignificance of others, an instructive tone of communication, and then only with those who are honored in the circle of close ones thanks to copying, conciliation or flattery ...

Self-esteem (SDI) is accepting oneself as one is (taking into account all the shortcomings) and accepting the weaknesses of others, as well as treating others as they treat you (and / or better) - when respect is not begged for and not imposed - but comes from others in response to their own behavior, words and deeds, which can sometimes go against generally accepted expectations, but do not cross the line from good to evil, from justice to selfishness, from honesty to lies - it is the knowledge and confidence of a person that that he will not stumble under any circumstances and will not become better, more beautiful, richer, more famous, etc. over the heads or at the expense of others. - and is that core, that character trait that is called CSD or even simpler self-esteem ...

Everything is very simple, since it is only a matter of one factor - the border.

A person with self-respect does not allow others to cross some border that is important for him, nor himself to violate this border with others.

arrogant man does not allow his own border to be crossed, but actively attacks the border of other people.

The second indicator: pride is inherent in self-esteem, arrogance is pride.

Self-esteem is a flexible and malleable phenomenon. And arrogance is not treated, in any way. This is a clinical case of human nature.

An arrogant person cannot step over his ambitions, neither for the sake of his neighbor, nor for the sake of himself.

And a person with high dignity is quite capable of assimilating to the situation.

An arrogant engineer will not go to wash the floors.

The engineer, with self-respect, will polish the parquet and improve the ways of polishing the floor.

It's the same for me. The difference is only in the perception of society. When they see impudent person, they give him preference over the modest, taking him for the weak. And when they run into the consequences, then confidence is interpreted in a negative way.

For example, a lady will appreciate an impudent boorish brutal who spits on everyone. she just hopes he doesn't give a damn. And when he does this, then he will become arrogant and bad for not.

Dignity and arrogance are as different from each other as heaven and earth. A person who has dignity is self-sufficient. He does not need to constantly prove his exclusivity. He sees no need for it.

An arrogant person, by virtue of a subconscious feeling own inferiority, constantly forced to prove both to himself and to others his exclusivity. The methods and methods used in this case are inflated self-esteem, conflict, insults and suppression of others.

Self-respect is precisely those topics that are inviolable, those acts that can subject a person to humiliation or representation in a worse light. This is something for which each of us is ready to move away from the foundations of morality and resort to violence in order to respect our personal interests. individual values. Arrogance or inflated self-esteem usually comes from low self-esteem, instead of giving in or compromising, many simply reject or criticize this or that topic, thereby preventing themselves from admitting their weakness, inability, etc.

An arrogant person does not have self-esteem, he most likely has a false sense of his own superiority. And a person who has a sense of self-respect will never behave arrogantly.

That is, such people cannot be confused.

Here is a simple test to tell these people apart. An arrogant person will never give a hand to his opponent either in case of victory or in case of defeat (who are you). And a person who respects himself will also respect his opponent, so he will be the first to extend his hand in order to express his respect.

The same reaction to a greeting. An arrogant person may not answer, and if he does, then only with a minimal reaction. Self-esteem will not allow a person to ignore another person, he will sincerely take an interest in both the health and affairs of the interlocutor.

Arrogant people behave arrogantly, consider themselves better than others and constantly demonstrate this.

They can easily offend a person or humiliate him.

And the preservation of self-esteem implies decent behavior, not to lose face in any situation, the preservation of personal space.

It is no different, and even if we prove and find different parameters of one and the other here, the essence of the two values ​​will not change. And who will prove that these are different concepts with the same goal, but with different borders, then they are just hypocrites. It’s just that we people humiliate ourselves in front of some for something when it is necessary or beneficial for us, and in front of others we hold ourselves arrogantly, showing our significance or having a desire to humiliate another.

There is such a physiological-social process as spitting. The spitting vector and the process itself determines one or another concept. If you don’t give a damn about yourself, then your own dignity, and if you just don’t give a damn, and even on those around you, then arrogance.

Self-esteem does not carry selfish goals and does not try to stick out for show, arrogance, on the contrary, does not hide and thus tries to show its superiority over others.

First of all, the fact that the self-esteem of one will never humiliate the same feeling of another person. Whereas arrogance is not able to notice other virtues than its own.

When I work as a psychologist with addiction and co-dependency in a relationship, I often ask the question: where did you make a deal with yourself? You know, there is an expression "to sell the birthright for lentil stew" (from Old Testament story). There must be things in life that cannot be neglected under any circumstances. For example, your self-esteem. You can not build a relationship with someone who even a little encroached on this feeling. But the problem is that in order to protect this self-esteem, you need to have it. And very often there are problems with this: since childhood, this feeling has been neglected (by parents, grandmothers, brothers, sisters). Therefore, it turns out that we make unacceptable transactions with ourselves, which leads to the destruction of relationships and ourselves.

In consultations, we explore this empirically. But if you try to give some definition of self-esteem, then I would say so - this is an adequate assessment of oneself, one's life, one's work, time, one's boundaries, etc. Adequacy in this case is the correspondence between internal and external circumstances. It shows up everywhere in life. From where we sit indoors to our closest relationships. Example: a girl has just broken up with a guy, less than a month has passed since she starts a new relationship. Inside, the feelings of this gap have not yet been experienced, but she is already “entangled” in the new life context of another person. The internal (feelings) do not correspond to the external (the new person).

Or an example from my own life: I recently got into a taxi with my little son. The overly polite driver, before driving off, suddenly turns to my son and gives him something that looks like a toy. I feel internal dissatisfaction in this situation and, returning the toy, I politely say: "Thank you, but this is not the way we do it." The driver became more humble and did not interfere with us all the way. What happened? There was an instant assessment of the situation out of "self-esteem." I could ignore my inner "discontent" behind false desires to be "good for everyone", "polite", "comfortable", etc. And he would act irresponsibly. And my heart would be disgusting (bad conscience). My assessment was instantaneous, but what does it look like if you expand the situation: The driver is a hired person whose task is to drive the car and the comfort of passengers from this point of view. I didn't hire him to entertain my son. In addition, there is my relationship with my son, where I am responsible for his life and psychological safety. This is a certain hierarchy, if someone wants to give something to my child, then first of all he should consult with me. The driver completely ignored me as a father.

My responsibility is to protect my son from "intrusions" until he can do it himself. Firstly, purely out of safety - you never know who gives (it can be an accidental harm - a candy to which he is allergic - up to deliberate infliction harm). Second, the preservation of his own psychological boundaries. And if I allowed this act to take place: I would recognize myself as an "absent father", violate my son's sense of security, and set a "bad" example for my son that his boundaries can be violated. And if I did this systematically, then there would be no trust with my son: and then it’s strange to wonder why he doesn’t obey and interferes with my work (violates my boundaries). Here is an illustration about "dignity". That is, a "sense of dignity" is the ability to sufficiently steadfastly respond to the challenges of life, which is impossible without understanding the adequate "state of things."