Why strong people are you afraid to cry? What will happen if you constantly suppress anger and fear in yourself? Why hide irritation if it is useful to splash it out? The psychologist talks about what to do with your feelings.

Inna Makarenko, psychologist

In my youth, it seemed to me that a strong person is one who knows how to restrain himself, act with cold head who may not experience "harmful" emotions: sadness, fear, jealousy, disgust, anger. In general, he cuts off his sensual sphere when necessary. In addition, such a model of behavior is often encouraged in society. Many people live with the belief that showing their emotions is shameful.

Life experience and years of studying psychology have convinced me of the opposite: emotions are not a weakness, but a strength. If, of course, they are treated correctly: not to suppress, but to give them the right to be, to live them.

There are no right or wrong feelings. Everyone is needed for something, each performs its function. By blocking some emotions, we discredit others and deprive ourselves of many pleasant moments. For example, by suppressing fear and anger, we begin to experience happiness and joy much weaker.

Carl Gustav Jung once said, “Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, do not drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say. Every emotion always has a reason. And instead of fighting, say, with your irritation, it would be good to figure out what it is trying to communicate. When fighting an emotion, we are only fighting the indicator of the problem, not the problem itself. We suppress the feeling - and we drive the reason for its appearance even deeper into the subconscious. And then, having no way out, the energy of unexpressed emotion finds a way out in the body - in the form psychosomatic diseases, vegetative-vascular dystonia, depression and panic attacks.

For this reason, a strong man does not avoid own feelings, and each lives to the maximum. And, importantly, he does it in a way that is safe for others (see examples below). With this approach, fear, sadness and any other “negative” emotion go away much faster. It is worth accepting it - and it immediately begins to let go. “What you resist is intensified, and what you look at carefully disappears,” he wrote. American writer Neil Walsh in Conversations with God.

In psychotherapy, you often hear the words "stay in it." Are you sad? Stay in it. Do you feel resentment (anxiety, envy, guilt, etc.)? Stay in it.

Stay - means, recognize and live this feeling. Don't push or deny. Scary? But it is much more terrible to constantly live with background pain, which, like a frozen computer program, slows down the "processor". It is better to meet her face to face one day and, having released her, say goodbye, than to carry it in yourself for years. A blocked feeling will seek to find a way out, subconsciously attracting circumstances in which it can finally unfold to its fullest.

For example, if a person has not lived through all the emotions of a difficult breakup, he will live in fear of being abandoned. The same events can be repeated indefinitely, while a strong and unexpressed emotion sits inside.

Another common “way” is to switch as soon as possible when you get into a traumatic situation. After a divorce, immediately plunge into a new relationship or devote yourself completely to children, career, creativity. Yes, for some time it becomes easier, but it is no longer possible to experience real joy from life - something seems to itch inside. Unlived pain and trauma have not gone anywhere, they remain deep inside and prevent the feeling of fullness of life.

There is an opinion that when contacting a psychotherapist, he will help get rid of "unuseful" feelings. In fact, the first and most important thing that a competent specialist teaches is to live your feelings consciously. Say to yourself, “Yes, I am in pain right now. But I won't resist it, and I know it will pass." Or confess: “I feel anger. And this is completely normal ”(no matter how difficult it was for those who were brought up on the beliefs“ getting angry is bad ”and“ you need to restrain yourself ”).

Labeling your emotion is not always easy, although even this alone has a therapeutic effect. People complain: “It’s somehow bad, the state is depressed, everything infuriates ...” But it’s not clear what kind of feeling they experience. We often confuse shame and guilt, resentment and self-pity, anger and disgust. But until we analyze our state into emotions, its components, it will not go away. Row modern trends psychotherapy (say, Gestalt therapy) works precisely on the ability to recognize own feelings. In order to develop such sensitivity on your own, you need to be very attentive to yourself - listen to the sensations in the body, since all emotions find expression precisely in the form of bodily blocks and clamps.

When we realize and live our feeling, we simultaneously move into the position of an observer. We look from the side and non-judgmentally describe in words all the sensations. So we separate ourselves from emotion, it does not become us, does not cover us with a head. We understand that "I" does not equal "my feelings" because I am more than them. When I live them, I will not collapse, but I will become happier and freer.

WAYS TO LIVE EMOTIONS

Any emotion - whether it be a short-term outburst of anger or a prolonged resentment - must be lived first of all in a safe way. Safe for yourself and for those around you. Here are some options.

Draw. Take your pen to left hand(it is associated with the right hemisphere of the brain, which is responsible for emotions) and start drawing your anger (guilt, resentment, etc.). Better close your eyes. AT arbitrary movement the hand will transfer all emotions from the body to paper.

Sing or shout. For example, in the forest. Or in an amusement park - everyone is allowed here. Shouting usually some important word. Let's say "yes" or "no" if they suit your emotion. You need to do this as many times as necessary until you feel empty inside.

Go for a massage. This is not about relaxation, but about deep work with force. High-quality massage (for example, Thai), kneading the points in the places of the clamps helps to cope, including with emotions.

Dance. Focus on the emotions, close your eyes, listen to yourself - and the movement will arise. Maybe, for starters, you just want to rotate your neck, move your arms or fingers. Don't stop, follow the desires of the body.

Speak out. There is one snag here: relatives and friends often strive to give advice, they begin to look for a reason, but for us it is important to simply pour out our condition without any analysis. All rationalization is possible later, when you are released. Therefore, sometimes it is better for the tree to speak out - and this is not a joke.

Breathe. All emotions are experienced through the body. One of the most important elements- breathing, since it is directly related to nervous system. Various work great breathing exercises- pranayama, bodyflex, oxysize.

Write on paper. Write a letter to a person who has caused you painful emotions. It is important to do this by hand. You don't need to send a letter. The main thing is to realize the feelings and express them on the sheet. There is different techniques. For example, a questionnaire radical forgiveness Colin Tipping

Knock out. In moments of anger, you often want to hit someone. Get a special pillow for this or, twisting the towel with a roller, “knock out” the sofa. At the same time, you can growl, scream, stomp, make any sounds - let the process go the way it goes from the inside until you feel relief.

Go to a psychotherapist. Some feelings are scary to live alone: ​​it is not known where they will lead. In such situations, a specialist will help you choose a methodology and will support the process of your inner liberation and, as a result, personal growth.

Text: Inna Makarenko, psychologist

Why are strong people not afraid to cry? What will happen if you constantly suppress anger and fear in yourself? Why hide irritation if it is useful to splash it out? The psychologist talks about what to do with your feelings.

In my youth, it seemed to me that a strong person is one who knows how to restrain himself, act with a cool head, who may not experience “harmful” emotions: sadness, fear, jealousy, disgust, anger. In general, he cuts off his sensual sphere when necessary. In addition, such a model of behavior is often encouraged in society. Many people live with the belief that showing their emotions is shameful.

Life experience and years of studying psychology have convinced me otherwise: emotions are not a weakness, but a strength. If, of course, they are treated correctly: not to suppress, but to give them the right to be, to live them.

There are no right or wrong feelings. Everyone is needed for something, each performs its function. By blocking some emotions, we discredit others and deprive ourselves of many pleasant moments. For example, by suppressing fear and anger, we begin to experience happiness and joy much weaker.

Carl Gustav Jung once said, “Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, do not drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say. Every emotion always has a reason. And instead of fighting, say, with your irritation, it would be nice to figure out what it is trying to communicate. When fighting an emotion, we are only fighting the indicator of the problem, not the problem itself. We suppress the feeling - and we drive the reason for its appearance even deeper into the subconscious. And then, without getting out, the energy of unexpressed emotion finds a way out in the body - in the form of psychosomatic diseases, vegetative-vascular dystonia, depression and panic attacks.

For this reason, a strong person does not avoid his own feelings, but lives each to the maximum. And, importantly, he does it in a safe way for others. (see examples below). With this approach, fear, sadness and any other “negative” emotion go away much faster. It is worth accepting it - and it immediately begins to let go. “What you resist grows stronger, and what you look at closely disappears,” wrote the American writer Neil Walsh in his book Conversations with God.
In psychotherapy, you often hear the words "stay in it." Are you sad? Stay in it. Do you feel resentment (anxiety, envy, guilt, etc.)? Stay in it.

Stay - means, recognize and live this feeling. Don't push or deny. Scary? But it is much more terrible to constantly live with background pain, which, like a frozen computer program, slows down the work of the “processor”. It is better to meet her face to face one day and, having released her, say goodbye, than to carry it in yourself for years. A blocked feeling will seek to find a way out, subconsciously attracting circumstances in which it can finally unfold to its fullest.

For example, if a person has not lived through all the emotions of a difficult breakup, he will live in fear of being abandoned. The same events can be repeated indefinitely, while a strong and unexpressed emotion sits inside.

Another common "way" – if you get into a traumatic situation, switch as soon as possible. After a divorce, immediately plunge into a new relationship or devote yourself completely to children, career, creativity. Yes, for some time it becomes easier, but it’s no longer possible to experience real joy from life - something seems to itch inside. Unlived pain and trauma have not gone anywhere, they remain deep inside and prevent the feeling of fullness of life.

There is an opinion that when contacting a psychotherapist, he will help get rid of "unuseful" feelings. In fact, the first and most important thing that a competent specialist teaches is to live your feelings consciously. Say to yourself, “Yes, I am in pain right now. But I won't resist it, and I know it will pass." Or confess: “I feel anger. And this is completely normal ”(no matter how difficult it was for those who were brought up on the beliefs“ getting angry is bad ”and“ you need to restrain yourself ”).

Labeling your emotion is not always easy, although even this alone has a therapeutic effect. People complain: “It’s somehow bad, the state is depressed, everything infuriates ...” But it’s not clear what kind of feeling they experience. We often confuse shame and guilt, resentment and self-pity, anger and disgust. But until we analyze our state into emotions, its components, it will not go away. A number of modern areas of psychotherapy (say, Gestalt therapy) work precisely on the ability to recognize one's own feelings. In order to develop such sensitivity on your own, you need to be very attentive to yourself. – listen to the sensations in the body, since all emotions find expression precisely in the form of bodily blocks and clamps.

When we realize and live our feeling, we simultaneously move into the position of an observer. We look from the side and non-judgmentally describe in words all the sensations. So we separate ourselves from emotion, it does not become us, does not cover us with a head. We understand that "I" does not equal "my feelings" because I am more than them. When I live them, I will not collapse, but I will become happier and freer.

Ways of experiencing emotions

Any emotion - whether it be a short-term outburst of anger or a prolonged resentment - must be lived first of all in a safe way. Safe for yourself and for those around you. Here are some options.

1. Draw. Take the pen in your left hand (it is associated with the right hemisphere of the brain, which is responsible for emotions) and start drawing your anger (guilt, resentment, etc.). Better close your eyes. In a voluntary movement, the hand will transfer all emotions from the body to paper.
2. Sing or shout. For example, in the forest. Or in an amusement park - everyone is allowed here. Some important word is usually shouted. Let's say "yes" or "no" if they suit your emotion. You need to do this as many times as necessary until you feel empty inside.
3. Go for a massage. This is not about relaxation, but about deep work with force. High-quality massage (for example, Thai), kneading the points in the places of the clamps helps to cope, including with emotions.
4. Dance. Focus on the emotions, close your eyes, listen to yourself - and the movement will arise. Maybe, for starters, you just want to rotate your neck, move your arms or fingers. Don't stop, follow the desires of the body.
5. Speak out. There is one snag here: relatives and friends often strive to give advice, they begin to look for the reason, but for us it is important to simply pour out our condition without any analysis. All rationalization is possible later, when you are released. Therefore, sometimes it is better for the tree to speak out - and this is not a joke.
6. Breathe. All emotions are experienced through the body. One of the most important elements is breathing, as it is directly related to the nervous system. Various breathing exercises work great - pranayama, bodyflex, oxysize.
7. Write on paper. Write a letter to a person who has caused you painful emotions. It is important to do this by hand. You don't need to send a letter. The main thing is to realize the feelings and express them on the sheet. There are different methods. For example, Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness Questionnaire
8. Knock out. In moments of anger, you often want to hit someone. Get a special pillow for this or, twisting the towel with a roller, “knock out” the sofa. At the same time, you can growl, scream, stomp, make any sounds - let the process go the way it goes from the inside until you feel relief.
9. Go to a psychotherapist. Some feelings are scary to live alone: ​​it is not known where they will lead. In such situations, a specialist will help you choose a methodology and will support the process of your inner liberation and, as a result, personal growth.

Have questions on the topic?

Our main purpose on earth is to be happy. As the main natural resource created for us beautiful world with all its blessings and beauties. And now we are faced with the task of monitoring the harmony of our inner world, maintain fine organization female soul in a state of pleasure and joy.

A friend of mine recently said: I immediately knew that the event would be great, because all the women looked happy!» And in these simple words hidden deep truth.

When a woman is satisfied and happy, everyone around is happy, but if she falls into a state of variable cloudiness or hurricane rainfall with thunderstorms, then be sure that she will do everything possible so that everyone who is next to her feels this charm. Is not it?

That is why it is so important for women to gently and reverently engage in personal hygiene emotional sphere . Having learned to enjoy spa treatments for the body, we need to master the course of spa treatments for the soul.

But before we talk about them, I would like to decide how ready you are to learn how to manage your emotions and why you need it.

Storm or calm: why control emotions?

I often hear statements like this: My emotions, as I want, and show! I want - I scream, I want - I am silent! I do not want to deal with them, I like to be unpredictable and spontaneous!". And this is good. But how unpredictable and how spontaneous?

We women tend to jump from one extreme to another. Having learned something in one place, we begin to apply it, then listening to someone else, we change the wind and drive our sailboat in the other direction. The only thing we sometimes forget to listen to before changing course is our own inner voice, to their reactions and true experiences. But focusing only on someone else's opinion without relying on one's own feelings is like a black hole into which life energy irretrievably leaks.

Our emotions are priceless gift. They help us determine what we really want and get what we want, while experiencing joy and pleasure. It is they who help us to express ourselves from the most different parties to be aware of their own characteristics, abilities, opportunities. They allow us to bathe in happiness and love. And all the emotions that are created by nature have their own purpose, and, therefore, have the right to exist and live.

Negative emotions: hide or live?

Due to the peculiarities of upbringing, we often hide our experiences, driving them into the hidden corners of our inner world. Sometimes we hide so deeply that we ourselves forget about them. But they remember, seethe there, boil and create discomfort in sensations, leading to intrapersonal and external conflicts, to emotional outbursts or illnesses.

In our information age we all know about psychosomatics, that unlived emotions remain in the body, creating places impassable for the free flow of energy, which leads to a distortion of the perception of events, and even to a distortion of the history of a person’s life. We dream, we dream, but we cannot allow ourselves to get what we want.

Everything in life has its place and time. To breathe freely and live based on your own true desires and feelings, it is important to give them a way, getting rid of inner feeling gravity.

Well, let's start mastering SPA procedures for the soul in order to learn how to restore your psychoenergetic life resource and create a happy life filled with colorful colors.

We, women, all the forces of nature come to the rescue, including - lunar rhythms. On the days of the waning moon, it is good to practice cleansing from negative emotions. In Academy privacy» Larisa Renard has accumulated an arsenal of practices for experiencing negative emotions. I will talk about those that I use effectively myself.

15 Practices for Living with Negative Emotions

Osho "Mystical Rose"

Once, in my work with music students, I often used hiking trips as a simple and accessible meeting with your experiences and emotions. Climbing the mountains or scrambling in the cave darkness, the guys lived through a kaleidoscope of inner impressions, leading them from anger and peaks of aggression in moments of difficult places to the highest delight and admiration. Many have ceased to be fond of alcohol and smoking, because they have learned to experience the sharpness of emotions in other forms.

Doing Osho's practice mystical rose” at the training “The Charm of Love”, I realize how deeply and flexibly our emotions can be felt during adventures with true friends. From sadness to joy - within reach.

"Whipping Pillow"

At the Academy, we often use pillows as a means of expressing repressed anger. This is also possible at home. The "whipping cushion" must be used exclusively for its intended purpose and stored in a specially designated place. In those moments when you feel an internal upsurge of aggressive feelings, turn on loud music (I like the soundtrack to the film "Requiem for a Dream") and start beating the pillow with screams, exhaling pain, anger, allowing aggression to come out. After that, it is better to take a shower or bath.

Salt and water

In moments of difficult experiences, ordinary salt will help, the healing properties of which have been known since ancient times. First, dissolve 1 kg of salt in water and say the words to the water: "Element of water, cleanse me of everything that has time to go."

Lying in the bath, feel how the salt draws out all the toxins from the body, dissolving pain, anger, everything that presses and burdens. After 15 minutes, start draining the water and feel at the same time how it gently and carefully takes away everything that you are ready to get rid of. After that, it is important to take a shower, imagining how a clean stream fills you with new fresh energy.

Salt and body cleansing

You can also use salt in the shower. Carefully rub the salt into the skin counterclockwise, helping to draw out everything that is outdated, painful. Breathe out the emotions that you feel.

The hygiene of the emotions is just as useful as the hygiene of the body. Start cleansing from the crown, go through all the chakras, massage all the joints with salt, as well as the palms and feet. Then step into the shower, imagining that you are bathing in a waterfall, and let the jets wash over your body from the outside. Feel how they penetrate inside, clearing all the pain, eroding internal clamps, blocks, barriers, taking all the negativity into the funnel in the form of dirty streams.

You need to finish the procedure when you feel lightness in your body and feel how the water jets have become crystal clear. This procedure helps not only to get rid of stagnant emotions, but also heals from diseases of the body.

We beat the dishes

I really like the old and proven way of expressing the accumulated aggression - beating old cymbals. You can go to the forest, find a comfortable place where no one will bother you to shout loudly, without denying yourself anything. The main thing is to put your soul into this process. Not to play, but to sincerely throw out everything that has boiled up. In order not to violate natural ecology, take an old tablecloth with you, which you can pre-lay on the ground, and then collect it together with the fragments.

We growl and hiss

Have you ever tried growling like a wild cat or hissing like a snake? Sometimes it is difficult to express painful feelings in words, then this method will be useful to you.

It is important to make sounds on the exhale, feeling how the sound clears inner space taking away the excruciating pain. Here you will feel the full depth of the expression "like cats scratch their souls." Growling sounds create the necessary vibration, which helps to pull out deeply hidden emotions.

We play musical instruments

My sister, in moments of painful experiences, plays the piano or the violin in such a way that one can easily guess from the sound what storms are raging in her soul. If you know how to play any instrument, you can use this method. Music is able to express our inner crying or pain, suppressed aggression or hidden joy, which is so compressed that it is impossible to breathe.

Dynamic Meditations

Powerful relaxation is brought by dynamic meditations, which, like internal massage, are able to break many blocks and clamps, stir up the body, giving it the opportunity to move and breathe freely. At the Academy, we actively apply this method, getting a lasting result in the work on living through negative and long-hidden emotions in the depths of the soul.

Addressed pronunciation of experiences

I like the targeted pronunciation of experiences. You can imagine in front of you a person in relation to whom you feel certain emotions and, having told him about your pain, about your anger, throw out everything you feel. Then look at him, listen to your changed feelings, when you are ready, forgive him and ask for his forgiveness.

Writing practices

Techniques for writing letters work effectively. Identify who you are experiencing painful emotions for, and write a letter to this person, trying to put your feelings into words. This letter does not need to be sent. The main thing is to realize the feelings and express them on paper. There are different methods. One of the directions was developed in detail by Collin Tipping and described in his book Radical Forgiveness.

Psychotherapy

Of course, one of the deep methods that help you live your negative emotions, is psychotherapy. It is often scary to look into the depths of your inner world, into your past, which was not always cloudless. And then the psychotherapist is able to take the hand and lead us along the path of tormenting and frightening experiences, helping us to become aware of our emotions, feelings, to find a place for them in life.

Body practices and breathing

Conscious attitude to emotions opens the way to happy life. Light a candle, turn on the music (for example, the Healing Sounds of the Chakras disc) and, closing your eyes, walk through your body with your mind's eye, finding the points where pain is felt.

Ask yourself questions: “What is this pain? What fears, what emotions are hidden behind it? Listen to yourself, your wise body will certainly give an answer. Then begin to exhale the found fear into the flame of the candle until you feel lightness and liberation. At this moment, it is important to realize that the emotion frozen in the body was necessary for you, taught you something, helped you become who you are. Thank your fear, anger or pain for the lessons you have learned, realize that now you have become an adult and are ready to try to build your life differently.

Art therapy

The use of art therapy in working with the experience of emotions is priceless. You can draw your feelings, dance them, sculpt your fears and pain from plasticine or dough, invent musical compositions using improvised means: playing on empty bottles or on spoons, creating a cacophony of sounds, chaos, leading to inner harmony.

At the moment of experiencing emotions, it is important to breathe, feeling how with each exhalation you release a frozen experience, pouring it into a drawing or into a pliable form of plasticine, or into a movement of the body, or releasing it through sound.

Working with stone and earth

In the book "Discovering a new self" Larisa Renard describes the technique of working with stone. Take a stone in the palm of your hand and place it on a level solar plexus. Start rotating your hands counterclockwise and exhale the emotions that torment you into the stone, inhale - and exhale again with a groan of feelings. Feeling lightness in the body, complete this process. Then take another stone and start rotating it clockwise at the level of the solar plexus, breathing in the power of the earth, confidence and calmness, thereby forming your psychoenergetic resource. Then gratefully give the stones to the earth.

By the way, rage often fuels the desire for success. Instead of hiding these emotions, give yourself the opportunity to channel the aggressive energy into something else, such as the start of a project or exercise.

We have everything: aggression and joy, hatred and love, envy and acceptance. It is important to learn to be aware of your emotions, find their causes and live them in the most appropriate form. One-sidedly developed, we are uninteresting even to ourselves. Only a delightful cocktail of qualities and feelings makes us uniquely beautiful, amazing, bewitching, happy!

Breathe deeply, feel life with every cell of your body, and we, the teachers of Larisa Renard's Academy of Private Life, are always ready to support you on your way to yourself!

Why are strong people not afraid to cry? What will happen if you constantly suppress anger and fear in yourself? Why hide irritation if it is useful to splash it out? The psychologist talks about what to do with your feelings.

In my youth, it seemed to me that a strong person is one who knows how to restrain himself, act with a cool head, who may not experience “harmful” emotions: sadness, fear, jealousy, disgust, anger. In general, he cuts off his sensual sphere when necessary. In addition, such a model of behavior is often encouraged in society. Many people live with the belief that showing their emotions is shameful.

Life experience and years of studying psychology have convinced me otherwise: emotions are not a weakness, but a strength. If, of course, they are treated correctly: not to suppress, but to give them the right to be, to live them.

There are no right or wrong feelings. Everyone is needed for something, each performs its function. By blocking some emotions, we discredit others and deprive ourselves of many pleasant moments. For example, by suppressing fear and anger, we begin to experience happiness and joy much weaker.

Carl Gustav Jung once said, “Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, do not drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say. Every emotion always has a reason. And instead of fighting, say, with your irritation, it would be nice to figure out what it is trying to communicate. When fighting an emotion, we are only fighting the indicator of the problem, not the problem itself. We suppress the feeling - and we drive the reason for its appearance even deeper into the subconscious. And then, without getting out, the energy of unexpressed emotion finds a way out in the body - in the form of psychosomatic diseases, vegetative-vascular dystonia, depression and panic attacks.

For this reason, a strong person does not avoid his own feelings, but lives each to the maximum. And, importantly, he does it in a safe way for others. (see examples below). With this approach, fear, sadness and any other “negative” emotion go away much faster. It is worth accepting it - and it immediately begins to let go. “What you resist grows stronger, and what you look at closely disappears,” wrote the American writer Neil Walsh in his book Conversations with God.
In psychotherapy, you often hear the words "stay in it." Are you sad? Stay in it. Do you feel resentment (anxiety, envy, guilt, etc.)? Stay in it.

Stay - means, recognize and live this feeling. Don't push or deny. Scary? But it is much more terrible to constantly live with background pain, which, like a frozen computer program, slows down the work of the “processor”. It is better to meet her face to face one day and, having released her, say goodbye, than to carry it in yourself for years. A blocked feeling will seek to find a way out, subconsciously attracting circumstances in which it can finally unfold to its fullest.

For example, if a person has not lived through all the emotions of a difficult breakup, he will live in fear of being abandoned. The same events can be repeated indefinitely, while a strong and unexpressed emotion sits inside.

Another common "way" – if you get into a traumatic situation, switch as soon as possible. After a divorce, immediately plunge into a new relationship or devote yourself completely to children, career, creativity. Yes, for some time it becomes easier, but it’s no longer possible to experience real joy from life - something seems to itch inside. Unlived pain and trauma have not gone anywhere, they remain deep inside and prevent the feeling of fullness of life.

There is an opinion that when contacting a psychotherapist, he will help get rid of "unuseful" feelings. In fact, the first and most important thing that a competent specialist teaches is to live your feelings consciously. Say to yourself, “Yes, I am in pain right now. But I won't resist it, and I know it will pass." Or confess: “I feel anger. And this is completely normal ”(no matter how difficult it was for those who were brought up on the beliefs“ getting angry is bad ”and“ you need to restrain yourself ”).

Labeling your emotion is not always easy, although even this alone has a therapeutic effect. People complain: “It’s somehow bad, the state is depressed, everything infuriates ...” But it’s not clear what kind of feeling they experience. We often confuse shame and guilt, resentment and self-pity, anger and disgust. But until we analyze our state into emotions, its components, it will not go away. A number of modern areas of psychotherapy (say, Gestalt therapy) work precisely on the ability to recognize one's own feelings. In order to develop such sensitivity on your own, you need to be very attentive to yourself. – listen to the sensations in the body, since all emotions find expression precisely in the form of bodily blocks and clamps.

When we realize and live our feeling, we simultaneously move into the position of an observer. We look from the side and non-judgmentally describe in words all the sensations. So we separate ourselves from emotion, it does not become us, does not cover us with a head. We understand that "I" does not equal "my feelings" because I am more than them. When I live them, I will not collapse, but I will become happier and freer.

Ways of experiencing emotions

Any emotion - whether it be a short-term outburst of anger or a prolonged resentment - must be lived first of all in a safe way. Safe for yourself and for those around you. Here are some options.

1. Draw. Take the pen in your left hand (it is associated with the right hemisphere of the brain, which is responsible for emotions) and start drawing your anger (guilt, resentment, etc.). Better close your eyes. In a voluntary movement, the hand will transfer all emotions from the body to paper.
2. Sing or shout. For example, in the forest. Or in an amusement park - everyone is allowed here. Some important word is usually shouted. Let's say "yes" or "no" if they suit your emotion. You need to do this as many times as necessary until you feel empty inside.
3. Go for a massage. This is not about relaxation, but about deep work with force. High-quality massage (for example, Thai), kneading the points in the places of the clamps helps to cope, including with emotions.
4. Dance. Focus on the emotions, close your eyes, listen to yourself - and the movement will arise. Maybe, for starters, you just want to rotate your neck, move your arms or fingers. Don't stop, follow the desires of the body.
5. Speak out. There is one snag here: relatives and friends often strive to give advice, they begin to look for the reason, but for us it is important to simply pour out our condition without any analysis. All rationalization is possible later, when you are released. Therefore, sometimes it is better for the tree to speak out - and this is not a joke.
6. Breathe. All emotions are experienced through the body. One of the most important elements is breathing, as it is directly related to the nervous system. Various breathing exercises work great - pranayama, bodyflex, oxysize.
7. Write on paper. Write a letter to a person who has caused you painful emotions. It is important to do this by hand. You don't need to send a letter. The main thing is to realize the feelings and express them on the sheet. There are different methods. For example, Colin Tipping's Radical Forgiveness Questionnaire
8. Knock out. In moments of anger, you often want to hit someone. Get a special pillow for this or, twisting the towel with a roller, “knock out” the sofa. At the same time, you can growl, scream, stomp, make any sounds - let the process go the way it goes from the inside until you feel relief.
9. Go to a psychotherapist. Some feelings are scary to live alone: ​​it is not known where they will lead. In such situations, a specialist will help you choose a methodology and will support the process of your inner liberation and, as a result, personal growth.

Have questions on the topic?

We lose sight of who we really are. We limit our capacity for self-knowledge and narrow the field of experience. The methods we use to detach ourselves from pain and other emotions are firmly ingrained in us by the age of five - just at the time when we begin to understand the concepts of loss and death.

This way psychological protection exists to keep consciousness in stressful situations. However, it can harm us in adulthood. Apparently, the question is acute: is it worth experiencing emotions or should they be suppressed?

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When we suppress emotions, we become tougher in general, we lose the feeling of the fullness of life, the connection with desires. We often turn to our past, looking for recipes for a happy life in childhood memories.

To find meaning in our daily activities we must understand and study emotions well. They can be healthy or unhealthy, primary or secondary.

• Primary emotions are healthy emotions, they help us to function, survive and develop.
• Secondary emotions are considered unhealthy. We feel them as a result of making decisions, developing beliefs, in the process of growing up. If we try to suppress emotions instead of learning from them and working with them, we only increase their negative impact.

Although some emotions hinder us, we can use them for self-development. Many people are afraid of their own feelings, but they are not as scary as it might seem. We can learn to let them out and do it safely for ourselves.

Not the antonym of rationality. They complement the cold and prudent mind, help guide its work.

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By allowing ourselves to experience feelings to the fullest, we begin to better understand what we really want and think about, modeling behavior according to this new knowledge.

Feeling emotions is not the same as letting them control our behavior. If you learn to experience even the most unhealthy emotions in a safe and healthy way, you can minimize their destructive effect. For example, you will learn to feel pain, but not become a victim at the same time, or experience anger without aggression.

This problem is especially relevant for men who are taught from childhood not only to suppress emotions, but also to separate feelings "for girls" from feelings "for boys". Because of this, men often have a distorted understanding and perception of emotions. Psychologists note the following features:

• Men tend to "convert" one sensation into another. Stereotypical female feelings, such as sadness, they transform into anger or pride, because they believe that the manifestation of such emotions will make them worthy members of society.
• Men show their emotions where it is considered acceptable. For example, they may hug after scoring a goal on the football field. Unfortunately, in other situations, men are less likely to show positive feelings, fearing that society will perceive them incorrectly.
• Men can experience feelings physically. Most often this is expressed in a headache or back pain.
• Men limit themselves twice in the expression of emotions. First, they fear public disapproval. Secondly, even when a man is ready to experience his emotions openly, for example, to open up to a partner, he does not always know how to do it right. As a result, even close person may negatively perceive the manifestation of feelings and be afraid of a storm of emotions. In such a situation, the need to correctly express, experience, regulate and interpret emotions becomes obvious.

But none of us are born with the ability to manage emotions. This needs to be learned (preferably with early years) and never stop there.

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Practice emotional therapy can help us understand and accept emotions and transform them into in a positive way. Its meaning is to constantly remember feelings without trying to suppress them, increase tolerance for spontaneous emotions and live in harmony with them.

When emotions take over, start breathing deeply.

One of the most common practices, which is often used by people with chronic pain. Don't suppress your emotions, instead relax and allow yourself to feel and accept everything to the fullest. Feeling anger, sadness, pain, or desire is normal. You just need to learn how to live with these feelings without discomfort. And for this, start experiencing emotions.

Don't judge your own emotions

Can not be bad emotions. This is specific kind adaptation that shows how you dealt with difficult situations at the beginning of your life. Emotion is not a rational response to the current situation, but shows that you are aware of similar circumstances and the feeling reaction to them. Remembering and reproducing emotions makes us more open to the world around us, because now we know what exactly causes this or that reaction in us, and we do not seek to evaluate it.

Find a way to calm your emotions, not feed them

In other words, you need to find a way to experience the feeling without activating or feeding it. If you are hurt or angry, do not waste time on mental modeling situations. Feel the pain and just wait for this wave of feelings to subside, and then let go. Don't try to identify with that emotion, don't focus on that state. Even negative emotions are important: they nurture in us a natural reaction of adaptation to the situation. This will lead to a feeling of self-compassion. This means that there has been a significant shift in self-perception, which, in fact, is quite difficult to achieve.

Remember, we can learn to experience all emotions while remaining rational enough to analyze or make decisions. To learn to live with feelings, you need to understand them. In this way, you will gain the ability to process and regulate your emotions. This is essential if you ever want to truly build and improve your life.