Living emotions - sequentially: first living, then emotions.
No matter how surprising it may be, but in our body there are a lot of receptors for the perception of space, but not a single one for the perception of time. We perceive time already through the mind and the interpretation of space signals. Living emotions is a fulfilling exercise emotional reaction in time. Translating into practice - the implementation of the interpretation of all the signals that our body expresses in the process of emotional response. Keyword - all: these signals exist regardless of the human consciousness, but this consciousness can either fix them or not. It is understood that all signals have a certain energy and consciousness must realize this energy in one form or another. If it does not realize it, then the energy accumulates in the physical body in the form of various pains.
Utility breathing exercises in emotional matters, it is connected with the fact that breathing is a rhythmic process of alternating four phases "inhalation - fullness of the lungs - exhalation - emptying of the lungs". This allows you to feel both critical (point) stages and long ones. Since the perception of time is based on the perception of rhythm and the perception of sequence, the emotional cycle is projected onto the cycle respiratory movements, which at the level of habit is projected onto the cycle of time phases.
In terms of the spectrum of emotions, I really like the Kellermann-Plutchik-Comte theory (good material on theory).
This is about incentives and behavior. Since disturbance of emotional perception affects physical body I really like what is presented physiological processes, as if sewn into the strategy of responding to emotions.
In this context, the so-called coping strategies and psychological defenses. In fact, the formation of both those and others in the child through the imitation of the behavior of adults in certain situations is built into the process of education. stressful situations. A bright emotion is a strong irritant, that is, stress, so we also protect ourselves from bright emotions, either consciously or not. If this is unconscious, then there is a high risk that the defense will begin to press and turn on even in cases where the emotion is not bright and may well be adequately expressed by the corresponding behavior.
The social acceptability of certain forms of behavior is a matter of education, which I wrote about above. In fact, psychological trainings are androgogical forms of adult education. This was the situation because adulthood was something taken for granted, only children were brought up, and the elderly were perceived exclusively as weak, sick. Because the average duration life has increased, then adults and the elderly also began to need training in skills social behavior. Since initially adulthood was idealized and not assumed to be a source of social troubles, behavior correction was carried out only through treatment (in medicine), primarily in mentally ill people. Therefore, historically, emotional problems lie in the field of psychology, at the junction with psychotherapy and psychiatry. In fact, there is the concept of "lifelong education", and upbringing, along with training, is the main component of education, therefore, in principle modern man should be engaged not only in self-education, but also in self-education. First of all, through mastering the skills of living emotions, so that the unprocessed waste of an illiterately organized emotional life a person in the form of unreacted impulses was not polluted social environment and did not require additional costs to repair the damage caused by their toxicity. B-)
Often in our lives it happens that we leave our emotional traumas halfway. After a divorce, women often switch to new relationships or find an outlet in children, religion or creativity. Losing some life opportunities, a woman tries not to think about it, forget, turn her attention to something else, comforting herself with numerous “buts”.
Having lost a child (miscarriage, abortion, miscarriage), a woman leaves all her emotions and focuses on prayers and awareness of the reasons for what happened.
When something traumatic happens in life, we begin to look for causes, exits and relief, or try to forget. But pain and trauma don't go anywhere, they remain deep inside us and prevent us from feeling the fullness of life and joy. And in especially gloomy days we think about how it could be if it were not for ... .
Because of the unlived to the end psychological trauma, negative emotions continue to visit us year after year, until we learn to live with this background pain - "Well, it happened, this is my cross and I have to carry it to the end."
In addition to internal dissatisfaction and depression, unlived emotions shape the events in our lives. They are looking for an opportunity to incarnate, finally, to the fullest, so that the woman can live and let them go. And each new escape from pain brings the woman back to this circle.
A close friend of mine lost her baby during childbirth. It happened in Soviet time. Crying and mourning was not accepted. More for a long time she was kept in the maternity hospital, where she could not free herself from her pain. She spent five crazy days in the hospital watching happy moms who feed their newborn babies. She just suppressed her emotions.
Leaving the hospital, an ordinary life awaited her, without consolation and sympathy, without the opportunity to remain alone and simply realize what had happened. She was not even shown her dead child. Time helped to hide this pain deeper. And a year later she became pregnant again. All 9 months of pregnancy she walked in wild stress, in fear and foreboding of trouble. As a result, a boy was born, who began to get seriously ill.
The next pregnancy - again the emotions of horror and fear. A daughter was born who almost died in infancy. Her children were very sick and weak. All 7-10 years of their growing up, the mother was in fear. Can you imagine what life is like?
Another case
A woman meets a man, falls in love with him, begins to feel his heart. And then he offers to leave and disappears. She will wait for another year and believe that he will return. She will not build relationships with men, with worthy men with which could create happiness. Why? Past relationships are not over yet.
When some kind of pain does not find its end, remains unlived - our consciousness will scroll through it until it finds a way out in reality.
That is why the fears that we carefully drive away from ourselves are very often realized. We do not live through them, we run away from them, but our consciousness strives for harmony and liberation from fears - that is why they overtake us again and again.
Unlived emotions, like an unfinished film, an unfinished verse. Our consciousness is forced to return to it again and again in order to complete what we started and calm down.
And in this case, for consciousness, any ending is better than a broken (even on something good) scenario.
Unlived emotions from parting with a man
It is the eternal fear of being abandoned. Moreover, it can work for empty place.
Before marriage, I dated a guy for 6 years. I had very strong feelings but he was completely unpredictable. He could disappear for two months, then return again, as if nothing had happened. During this time, I went crazy, did not understand what was happening, he did not answer calls and messages. And so it went on all the time, until one day he left forever.
Everything was as usual, only he never returned. A year of my waiting has passed. And after a while I got married. But this horror of an unlived parting was immediately reflected in my family. As soon as my husband was about to leave somewhere, I started to get hysterical. I started crying, I felt bad, although I understood that he needed to go. And every time he did manage to get away, I couldn't find a place for myself. But all this pain and horror was not addressed to him at all. And only after a while, I began to live what was left halfway in the distant past. After that, my tantrums ended abruptly and I myself began to ask my husband to go for a walk when I wanted to be alone.
Unlived emotions from the loss of a child
Whether it is an abortion or a miscarriage, it is an eternal fear for children, a sense of guilt, overprotection, tension, control, or, conversely, indulging them in all weaknesses. Both will have a negative impact on the life of the child.
Unlived emotions from the loss of a valuable thing
This is an eternal search for her and the inability to live in the present, enjoying every moment.
My mother once lost diamond earrings that were very meaningful to her. 7 years have passed, but until now, when she enters the kitchen (she often left jewelry there), and she has a free minute, she begins to explore cupboards and drawers in search of these earrings, wailing and nervous, asking for the one million and fifty-fifth time me, I didn't see them.
Unlived emotions from the loss of an animal
Fear of other animals, eternal sadness at the sight of a similar dog or cat, a feeling of longing at the sight of how others enjoy their relationship with animals.
As long as we have left the unfinished script within ourselves, our peace of mind will never be absolute. There will always be something to pull from the inside and make you worry from scratch. Therefore there is key points in lives to be lived until the end.
What are the situations that need to be experienced?
- divorce (separation);
- husband's death;
- abortion;
- miscarriage;
- the loss of a child;
- death of a loved one;
- the death of a beloved animal;
- loss of a significant thing;
- diseases of one's own and loved ones;
- a shameful situation from the past;
- rejection of any situation;
- unacknowledged emotions (unexpressed love or gratitude);
- unpaid debt (moral, moral or material).
We leave behind "tails" not only of unlived pain, but also of unlived love. And then they send us similar people and teach us to love again and again.
How to live a situation from the past?
First, you need to remember it. Often our consciousness displaces especially painful situations from memory so that we have the ability to live at least at the minimum speed. And when we gain strength to live it, the memory suddenly returns.
Often, in psychotherapeutic sessions, clients recall such traumatic situations from the past, which, it would seem, are simply impossible to forget. But the wise psyche simply forced me to do it. After remembering the situation - return her emotional colors, return to her the pain that you have frozen inside yourself.
Look at this pain (emotion, feeling):
- How big is it?
- Are you strong enough now to live through it?
- How long do you need to live it?
- How should you live it so that it comes out of you?
If you feel that the injury is very great, then most likely you will not be able to cope with it yourself. Consider visiting a psychologist.
If the unlived emotion fits within your capabilities, then give yourself the opportunity to live it. You need to allow yourself to grieve, sob and even howl your emotions. Give yourself the opportunity to reach the very end of the scenario, live through all the fears and, having cleared them, open up to love and lightness.
In psychology, there is such a practice when we bring any fear to the very end, and after that it goes away. After that comes peace and self-confidence.
Chinese culture has a wonderful technique for releasing pain. If there is a sensation of pain somewhere in the body, then you need to pay attention to this pain, consciously bring it to the limit, and after that it goes away.
The same goes for our emotions. You need to live everything to the end, go through the most terrible fears in your mind and let go of the situation.
Someone needs to do it gradually, because the psyche is not ready to live everything at once. And someone can for one psychological therapy release all the pain and allow yourself to burn off the situation in an hour.
How it's done?
- Give yourself time to mourn.
Choose a day or days in which you will consciously experience your emotions about a situation.
- Pay conscious attention to it.
Let it be sincere. Someone will quietly cry at the window, wrapped in a blanket. Someone will cry and roll on the floor, someone will howl into the pillow, while others will growl and beat everything around.
If you need words, then connect them too. Speak out all that's left jammed and blocked. Phrases can be anything:
"Please forgive me…"
"How could you!"
“It hurts so much. God, how it hurts me!!!"
"I love you…".
Some phrases you will want to shout not once, but dozens or even hundreds of times. So this emotion was sharp and clamped. Just repeat these words. With each new repetition, the emotion will come out, after which calmness will come.
- Try not to dwell on one thought for too long and logically move on, no matter how scary it is.
For example, if the situation is related to a breakup, then at first a woman can simply experience stress and just cry for 30 minutes - “How could you!”. After the process of accepting that he did it, and it happened, then the next, logical thought - “I am now all alone. I will never love again."
For another 20 minutes, a woman may be in the process of living her loneliness. And then despair replaces fear - “What am I going to do now ?! How will I live?!”
She lives in fear of life without a man. The next berth of her emotions, when she had already accepted that there would be another life, another fear comes - “It will be hard for me! I can not stand".
She will be in this for a while. But when the emotions come out and she feels that in fact she can stand it and be able to, then absolutely unexpected realizations can turn on - “But in fact, I really need this. It will bring this into my life!”
Thus, a woman in a logical chain comes to love. This is an approximate diagram. And usually it takes a little longer to live each stage.
- After each stage of living, ask yourself the question - “And then what?”
If you live in fear, then go into it and ask - "And what will happen next?"
For example: "I'm afraid of losing my job." After that, you imagine that you have lost her, you live in fear and horror, and then you ask yourself: “Now what?”
And so you continue on.
Some of you, in living your fears, will go as far as living the fear of death. And going through it is completely normal and natural. Full life begins only after overcoming the fear of death. As long as you are afraid of death, you are not living. The fear of death takes away the colors of life. I conducted the training "Living the experience of death", after which people's lives became many times more conscious, there were true values and there was time for the most important things.
- Time for mourning and living during each day should be limited. There is a risk - to plunge deeply into emotions and start the processes of self-destruction. The maximum stay per day is 2.5-3 hours. After that, you must definitely take a walk, do business or children. The process of living will continue inside.
The first day is the most difficult, because it is at this time that the maximum amount pain. By the second day it becomes much easier and calmer.
Sometimes, after one day of mourning, our mind habitually wants to climb into the shell and experience nothing more. It is necessary to understand this and consciously go into these emotions. We will live them to a state of emptiness, lightness and love.
- After the situation is lived, it will become calmer inside. The first signal that the process of mourning is ending is the state of emptiness inside. For some, it will be unpleasant and even a little wild, because huge space inside of us all this time was filled with pain. Now, when there is an emptiness, you yourself choose how to fill it. You have freed your soul "vessel" from pain.
You can send gratitude and love there, because these are the best inhabitants of our soul, who create and protect us. You can fill this void with God and holiness. The choice is yours, but it is imperative to fill up, because according to the law of similarity, if we do not fill this place with something new, energy similar to the past will be attracted there.
- Thank your situation for the lessons it has brought, see how it taught you to love and accept. Recognize its value.
If you observe excessive emotionality and slight hysteria in yourself, obsession with negative emotions, a weak heart, if you are pregnant, then you need to go into this practice very carefully, clearly limiting yourself in time so as not to plunge deep into your grief.
For those who are afraid to go into emotions, there is a wonderful practice of "therapeutic writing". This practice is described on the site. In the "therapeutic letter" we go through all the groups of emotions, from anger and fear, to love and gratitude.
This practice is effective for those who have a fear of releasing their emotions. Great amount girls from our project have already adopted therapy letters as an important tool in their arsenal in working on themselves. I myself write them often, because it is not always possible to close yourself in a room for a long time and sob.
In any case, an unlived emotion must be brought to an end. And it doesn't matter which way you do it - working with a psychologist, crying in a closed room or writing letters.
After that, she leaves your subtle body leaving room for the new, important and valuable!
Psychological secrets of a successful woman:
- Bad things need to be lived to the end and let go: fears, resentment, illness. Only then do you have real chance avoid them in later life. After all, you have already lived this experience, why do you need it in reality?
- The desired, on the contrary, should never be watched to the end in your head. Never let your dreams go in your head for too long! Most long term enjoyment of thoughts - 2-3 seconds, then you need to drive them away from yourself and do business. And then our consciousness will certainly want to enjoy it, to watch it to the end, to live it out. And for this, he will have to create it in reality, because you did not let it reach the end in your head!
Try to experience emotions as they come. Then your life will be bright and rich. You will feel alive and real.
- Don't save the pain- learn to live it at the moment when it comes, then you will avoid many diseases, distrust of people, a closed and broken heart that prevents our dreams from coming true!
- Do not hide love, because sometimes it is too late to say the main words! Love, feel life - both in sorrow and in joy, because often it is great pain subsequently reveals in us the divine and unconditional love ...
Inna Makarenko, psychologist
When I was young, I thought strong man- is someone who knows how to restrain himself, to act with cold head who may not experience "harmful" emotions: sadness, fear, jealousy, disgust, anger. In general, he cuts off his sensual sphere when necessary. In addition, such a model of behavior is often encouraged in society. Many people live with the belief that showing their emotions is shameful.
Life experience and years of studying psychology have convinced me of the opposite: emotions are not a weakness, but a strength. If, of course, they are treated correctly: not to suppress, but to give them the right to be, to live them.
There are no right or wrong feelings. Everyone is needed for something, each performs its function. By blocking some emotions, we discredit others and deprive ourselves of many pleasant moments. For example, by suppressing fear and anger, we begin to experience happiness and joy much weaker.
Carl Gustav Jung once said, “Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, do not drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say. Every emotion always has a reason. And instead of fighting, say, with your irritation, it would be nice to figure out what it is trying to communicate. When fighting an emotion, we are only fighting the indicator of the problem, not the problem itself. We suppress the feeling - and we drive the reason for its appearance even deeper into the subconscious. And then, having not received an outlet, the energy of unexpressed emotion finds an outlet in the body - in the form psychosomatic diseases, vegetative-vascular dystonia, depression and panic attacks.
For this reason, a strong man does not avoid own feelings, and each lives to the maximum. And, importantly, he does it in a way that is safe for others (see examples below). With this approach, fear, sadness and any other “negative” emotion go away much faster. It is worth accepting it - and it immediately begins to let go. “What you resist is intensified, and what you look at carefully disappears,” he wrote. American writer Neil Walsh in Conversations with God.
In psychotherapy, you often hear the words "stay in it." Are you sad? Stay in it. Do you feel resentment (anxiety, envy, guilt, etc.)? Stay in it.
Stay - means, recognize and live this feeling. Don't push or deny. Scary? But it is much more terrible to constantly live with background pain, which, like a frozen computer program, slows down the "processor". It is better to meet her face to face one day and, having released her, say goodbye, than to carry it in yourself for years. A blocked feeling will seek to find a way out, subconsciously attracting circumstances in which it can finally unfold to its fullest.
For example, if a person has not lived through all the emotions of a difficult breakup, he will live in fear of being abandoned. The same events can be repeated indefinitely, while a strong and unexpressed emotion sits inside.
Another common “way” is to switch as soon as possible when you get into a traumatic situation. After a divorce, immediately plunge into a new relationship or devote yourself completely to children, career, creativity. Yes, for some time it becomes easier, but it is no longer possible to experience real joy from life - something seems to itch inside. Unlived pain and trauma have not gone anywhere, they remain deep inside and prevent the feeling of fullness of life.
There is an opinion that when contacting a psychotherapist, he will help get rid of "unuseful" feelings. In fact, the first and most important thing that a competent specialist teaches is to live your feelings consciously. Say to yourself, “Yes, I am in pain right now. But I won't resist it, and I know it will pass." Or confess: “I feel anger. And this is completely normal ”(no matter how difficult it was for those who were brought up on the beliefs“ getting angry is bad ”and“ you need to restrain yourself ”).
Labeling your emotion is not always easy, although even this alone has a therapeutic effect. People complain: “It’s somehow bad, the state is depressed, everything infuriates ...” But it’s not clear what kind of feeling they experience. We often confuse shame and guilt, resentment and self-pity, anger and disgust. But until we analyze our state into emotions, its components, it will not go away. Row modern trends psychotherapy (say, Gestalt therapy) works precisely on the ability to recognize own feelings. In order to develop such sensitivity on your own, you need to be very attentive to yourself - listen to the sensations in the body, since all emotions find expression precisely in the form of bodily blocks and clamps.
When we realize and live our feeling, we simultaneously move into the position of an observer. We look from the side and non-judgmentally describe in words all the sensations. So we separate ourselves from emotion, it does not become us, does not cover us with a head. We understand that "I" does not equal "my feelings" because I am more than them. When I live them, I will not collapse, but I will become happier and freer.
WAYS TO LIVE EMOTIONS
Any emotion - whether it be a short-term outburst of anger or a prolonged resentment - must be lived first of all in a safe way. Safe for yourself and for those around you. Here are some options.
Draw. Take your pen to left hand(it is associated with the right hemisphere of the brain, which is responsible for emotions) and start drawing your anger (guilt, resentment, etc.). Better close your eyes. AT arbitrary movement the hand will transfer all emotions from the body to paper.
Sing or shout. For example, in the forest. Or in an amusement park - everyone is allowed here. Shouting usually some important word. Let's say "yes" or "no" if they suit your emotion. You need to do this as many times as necessary until you feel empty inside.
Go for a massage. This is not about relaxation, but about deep work with force. High-quality massage (for example, Thai), kneading the points in the places of the clamps helps to cope, including with emotions.
Dance. Focus on the emotions, close your eyes, listen to yourself - and the movement will arise. Maybe, for starters, you just want to rotate your neck, move your arms or fingers. Don't stop, follow the desires of the body.
Speak out. There is one snag here: relatives and friends often strive to give advice, they begin to look for the reason, but for us it is important to simply pour out our condition without any analysis. All rationalization is possible later, when you are released. Therefore, sometimes it is better for the tree to speak out - and this is not a joke.
Breathe. All emotions are experienced through the body. One of the most important elements- breathing, since it is directly related to nervous system. Various work great breathing exercises- pranayama, bodyflex, oxysize.
Write on paper. Write a letter to a person who has caused you painful emotions. It is important to do this by hand. You don't need to send a letter. The main thing is to realize the feelings and express them on the sheet. There is different techniques. For example, a questionnaire radical forgiveness Colin Tipping
Knock out. In moments of anger, you often want to hit someone. Get a special pillow for this or, twisting the towel with a roller, “knock out” the sofa. At the same time, you can growl, scream, stomp, make any sounds - let the process go the way it goes from the inside until you feel relief.
Go to a psychotherapist. Some feelings are scary to live alone: it is not known where they will lead. In such situations, a specialist will help you choose a methodology and will support the process of your inner liberation and, as a result, personal growth.
Text: Inna Makarenko, psychologist
- Running away from relationships because I'm scared to feel the pain?
- I can’t realize myself in creativity, because I’m afraid of disgrace and shame?
And another package of fears.
You need to learn to live through those feelings that were once suppressed, closed, smeared, calmed down, ran away, did yoga, relaxing music, went to the temple, or simply decided to forget.
Otherwise, these feelings will "haunt" you all your life. There will always be situations where you will try to release these feelings.
Feelings of pain, fear, hatred, jealousy, anger, despair.
Because they need to be lived and let go, to go further forward, and not to be dragged by a heavy load, constantly running away from them.
They will still sit inside you and will not go anywhere.
You could part with a man 10 years ago and not live through this pain, not let go of resentment, not express aggression - it will sit inside you until the end of your days.
It will just turn into illnesses over time, but it won’t go anywhere if you don’t express it, don’t let it go, don’t live it.
When some feelings are not experienced, other feelings are simply blocked.
Feeling of joy, happiness, pleasure.
You can't fully experience them either.
mine to you sincere advice- live through feelings, let them go and go on your way, be Happy so that your every day is new, and not reminded, a continuation of old grievances.
When a woman suppresses feelings, does not allow herself to live them, there may be:
- Panic attacks.
- Insensitivity.
- Sacrifice.
- Excessive aggressiveness.
- Indifference and apathy to life.
- Closeness.
- People avoid the insensitive and callous.
This, as a consequence, leads to the fact that a woman cannot love and get close to a man. It cannot create, because in order to create and get closer, you need to be sensual, open, ready to give. And a woman who suppresses feelings, she is always in search of love from others. She eagerly seeks love in men, people, friends, parents. These people are always in need.
To prevent this from happening, feelings should be lived and let go as they come. Do not hide them until the evening and training. Straightaway. I felt, expressed, let go, went further liberated.
Expressing feelings and living feelings does not mean:
- attack people,
- do shameful things
- or die in the inherent pain.
Expressing feelings is:
- Speak and confess all your feelings as they come: "This queue annoys me. I'll go home and ask my husband to buy pies."
- Do not hide from those feelings that are unpleasant: "Honey, I'm scared when you see it like that. Everything inside me shrinks."
- Give yourself the opportunity to be a living person! "Mom, it hurts me when you do not accept my choice, I am already an adult, a free person."
If you express everything as it comes, then there will be no shock and flurry. Everything will be open, sincere, honest and timely. Why you will feel incredible lightness and freedom!
A long-awaited technique for developing sensitivity
Why I love this technique so much:
- She teaches to live emotions and feelings, and not to suppress.
- This technique teaches you to love, sincerely and feel this Love in yourself and generate it.
- The technique teaches you to live through negative events in your life quickly and comfortably!
- After the technique comes a feeling of relief and satisfaction.
- After it, many women stop eating, drinking and returning to painful relationships.
- After this technique, a woman begins to believe more in herself and her intuition.
The technique is insanely short (8 minutes).
It takes 21 days to do the technique.
Good afternoon! I re-read a large number of Your articles (most likely all), and I am extremely glad that in our time you can still find high-quality information. Despite, in general, the fact that I have been studying psychology for a long time, it was still hard for me to part with people. How to deal with these emotions after a breakup? When the heart and body seem to compress, this state seems to be undulating, it presses today, but the next day it is easier, but then again. It seems that these heavy emotions, like "hell rings", will never end. I really want to contact people with whom contact is not possible, but he (this contact) is most likely not needed. How to survive these oppressive feelings after a breakup and when will they end?
Olesya, Kyiv, 23 years old
Family Psychologist Answer:
Hello Olesya.
Unfortunately, you don’t know whose articles you read (here is different psychologists and authors), but since I saw the question, I will answer.
How to deal with these emotions after a breakup? When the heart and body seem to be squeezing, this state seems to be undulating, it presses today, but tomorrow it will be easier, but then again
In maternity hospitals they teach to "breathe" the fight. Yoga teaches you to "breathe into the stretched muscle." Do you know which direction? Do not hold back, do not try to "shut up" and stop worrying, but at the same time just observe what is happening, breathe "into this place." Perhaps some feeling will come from there - what exactly are you in this moment most needed? What is the current need? Cry? Pamper yourself with something? Something else? Or maybe you just support yourself with the words "nothing, I breathe, I'm alive, I can ..." - and the wave will recede. It makes sense to remember that each wave will eventually be slightly weaker than the previous one, and over time, the fluctuations will subside.
I really want to contact people with whom I can’t contact, but he (this contact) is most likely not needed
This need for contact suggests that the relationship is not completed. And this does not mean that you need to look for contact and find out something. This means that it is worth listening to - what emotions did you "not finish talking" there? What was important not conveyed? What do you regret? What is not appreciated? Not recognized? That someone did not live up to expectations? You can try to write all your emotions in that direction on paper, then burn and throw them away, and so on until the "waves" become less strong. And you can also try to understand what kind of need you left unfulfilled there. Why do you need to be appreciated? Why did you need people to live up to some of your expectations? To give you... WHAT? What feelings did all this bring you? And can you give them to yourself? As practice shows, we can give a lot to ourselves, but from childhood we were convinced that only others can give us something, warm us somehow, love somehow and generally give us values. And so people often do not even look for it in themselves. You can start right now. And the situation of parting is just the time when you can take care of yourself, be attentive to yourself and learn to support yourself on your own.
Sincerely, Nesvitsky Anton Mikhailovich.
