If you want to change your life. I want to change my life for the better

Terry Southern

Greetings, my dear readers! Today we will talk about a very important and interesting topic about how to change your life. To be honest, I am extremely pleased with your attention to this issue, because a person who wants to change his life is a real living person with innovative thinking, optimism, courage and willpower, with whom it is very pleasant to communicate and work. Such a person strives for the best, for the sake of interest and development, and does not hold on to the old out of fear of the new. I myself am like that - I don’t like to hold on to the old to the last, I don’t like conservatism and I can’t stand the fear of everything new, so I suppress this fear in myself with willpower and boldly look forward to the unknown, but damn interesting future. I like everything new, I love change and even more love to be the initiator of these changes, which I am going to teach you in this article, because if life changes anyway, then let it do it thanks to, and not contrary to our desire. So in this article, friends, we will definitely find a common language.

So, in order to understand how to change your life, you need to ask yourself why we need to change it at all? That is, why exactly do we need to act as the initiators of change in our lives? Here we must understand the following: regardless of our desire, our life will still change - for the worse or better side, to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the circumstances. The only question is whether we will control these changes as much as possible, or will we be forced to adapt to them, experiencing stress because of the fear associated with these unwanted and often unexpected changes. So the life of your friends, in any case, is constantly changing, it's just that most often these changes go unnoticed by you, because they happen gradually. And sometimes they shock people with their unexpectedness, as well as their unusualness and novelty, and people do not always manage to properly adjust to them, at least immediately, because they are not ready for them. Therefore, you and I need to change our lives, including so that someone else does not change it for us. We ourselves must manage our life so that it suits us, therefore we need to think about changing it constantly, even when we don’t want to change anything. There is no need to be afraid of what is natural and inevitable for this world. And the world is constantly changing, for him change is natural process and inevitable, so it must be treated quite calmly. And then, as I wrote above, changing your life and changing yourself along with it is interesting!

Draw your friends, your attention to how many people, on the one hand, want stability, calmness, certainty, comfort and confidence in tomorrow, and on the other hand, they want change, novelty, something unusual and interesting, they want some surprises, preferably pleasant, and in some cases not even very pleasant, but exciting. How is this possible, how can you want mutually exclusive things? And it’s very simple, it’s only from the point of view of linear logic that stability and change are mutually exclusive, but if we look at these things more broadly, if we think not logically, but in parallel, assuming the simultaneous existence of both of these processes, then we will see that it’s all about control and man's management of change in his life and in what they lead to, and not in the desire or unwillingness of a person to have them in his life. Basically, of course, we need pleasant, positive changes, and, if possible, under our control, then we will be glad that our life is changing - for the better. After all, no one will refuse the best, even to the detriment of the good, if he knows for sure that the best is actually better. Plus, a lifestyle based on constant change is quite interesting in itself, it allows a person to experience a lot of unusual sensations that we all aspire to, so even in those cases when everything is fine and calm, people are drawn to change something. We were born in order to change this world, this need is in our genes, and that is what draws us to this. And if you also accustom a person to constant changes, then he will strive for them and will be happy with them, in spite of any, even the most Negative consequences from these changes. But at the same time, for some reason, we are still drawn to some kind of stability and certainty. I wonder why?

And the thing is that you and I were taught to be afraid of change, we were taught that we need to live our usual measured life, in which everything is clear and understandable, and within years there are practically no significant changes that would force us to adapt to new conditions, learn something new, change ourselves in accordance with the new requirements that life makes. Therefore, most people live in a psychological swamp that drives them into a state of hibernation, making their life so monotonous that they do almost all their daily activities automatically. Agree, there is no need to remain vigilant when in your life every day everything goes according to your usual scenario, when you don’t even need to think much about what and why you need to do today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow. Home-work, home-work - this chain of recurring events in a person's life is familiar to many, and it is perhaps only different kind it is diluted with public rituals [holidays, various traditional events, weddings, funerals, and so on], but in general, it has been just that - for many years. I even know people whose life has a chain the following kind: home-work-work-work-home. And the point is not even that they work a lot, a lot, but that they do not like their work, they are not interested in it, and it does not develop them at all. The question is, how can one live such a life? Only while in hibernation, nothing else. healthy mind healthy person just can not stand such a life, he will go crazy. And why live like this, friends, why turn yourself into a zombie and live unnatural for normal person life? After all, such a life, it is, shall we say, meaningless. People can live like this for a hundred, and two hundred, and a thousand years, and they won’t even notice how time flies, because the gray and monotonous days in their life will layer on each other and develop into years and decades of a monotonous, uniform, often gray and absolutely meaningless life, the purpose of which is to maintain itself unchanged. But why? Why is such a life necessary? That is the question. Is it just to live? Do you think that there is no alternative to such a life, do you think you will not survive if you live differently? How else to survive!

Thus, friends, the most important thing that you need to do in order to change your life is to give up stability, calmness, certainty, predictability and, in general, the automatism of your life, because all these are unnatural and unnecessary things that make your state unnatural. mind. You need to give up all those stupid habits that you cultivate and cherish as part of yourself. Keyword here "refuse". You need a rejection - a rejection of everything that has long been tightly integrated into your life, but that it's time and that you can change! Without refusal, there will be no change - you need to let go of the old in your hands in order to take the new into them, because it will not be possible to hold both in your hands at the same time. Do not be afraid of losses, do not be afraid of unpredictability, do not be afraid of the unknown - believe in your ability to take Moreover what you currently have and what you can give up. And boldly give up the old for the new - the only way you will change your life.

And how to give up stability, calmness, certainty, automaticity of actions, habits, if they hold you in a stranglehold? After all, this is not so easy to do - it is difficult for a person to give up something and part with something, for him this is a very painful procedure. To do this, friends, you need to stop living in fear, and, as mentioned above, start believing in your abilities! And in order to believe in them, they need to be developed. If you have not developed professionally and personally for years, then of course you will not have any faith in yourself, because this faith will simply have nothing to rely on. You will be afraid of change until you make yourself a strong, independent, self-confident person by working on yourself. And no one bothers you to do this work.

So stop being afraid, stop shaking before the unknown, before change, before everything new, wake up in yourself - a human explorer, a human explorer, a human discoverer, a human conqueror, a human hunter, a human fighter and a human creator. No one, you hear, no one prevents you from making yourself like that - work on yourself, develop yourself, improve your professionalism, study new types of activities for you that are in demand in society, increase your competitiveness, and then no changes will be scary to you. Do not be, friends, a trembling creature, this role is not for you, since you are reading this article. Become a person, in the fullest sense of the word, who boldly looks forward and is not afraid of anything. Remember - you have nothing to fear! All your fears are illusory. You just believe in them, so they scare you. You don't need any stability! You need change. Stability is needed by those who sell it, turning people into their slaves through fear. And you do not need stability and constancy! Refuse them. And in order to finally get rid of the fear of change and instability, so to speak, to finish it off - you need to be the initiator of changes in your life, you need, as I call it, to strike first, because the best defense is an attack, and in our case we even we do not defend ourselves - when we ourselves consciously change our lives - we command it. Boldly go towards fear, and you will overcome it! Throw away everything old and take everything new - your strength and will is your right! When you give up everything, everything old and unnecessary, you will have nothing to lose. And a person who has nothing to lose has nothing to fear! The main thing is that you have yourself - that's all you need in this life.

Just think, dear readers, what it means for a person to give up everything he is used to, because it also means to wake up, open your eyes to reality and start behaving in accordance with it. current state, in accordance with its characteristics and taking into account its real capabilities and needs. It is a conscious approach to life, it is real life, and not life in a dream, like those who are used to getting used to. Life must change in order to be life, otherwise you will exist for your own period of time and will not even understand why you lived at all. So do not be afraid - give up everything that you are used to, then you can get a new, even more interesting life! And your abilities, which determine your opportunities, I am sure, will be enough for you to be able to get more and better. But nevertheless - do not forget to develop them. We live in a time when the world is changing faster than people.

The next thing you need to do in order to change your life is to design your future. You need to understand what and why you are going to change in your life, you must decide where you want to go so as not to go blindly. I have noticed many times, including myself, that what more people dreams and plans, the more desirable for him are the various changes in his life, the initiator of most of which he himself usually acts. Today it is difficult for us to be ahead of time, because the world, as I said, is changing incredibly fast, but nevertheless it is possible. To do this, you need to dream, plan, fantasize, and not try to keep up with other people, copying their lives and themselves. Your dreams and fantasies are the energy that will allow you to move from dead center and start acting if these dreams and fantasies are very bright and beautiful. You understand, the brighter the pictures in your head, which will be possible options your beautiful future, the stronger will be your desire to start doing something right now to make these pictures a reality. people with bad developed imagination it's hard to imagine something that doesn't exist yet, so when something appears, they are not only surprised by it, but also afraid of it. And that is why they perceive any changes in their lives very painfully. But imagination can be developed, this is not a problem, you just need to set yourself such a goal, and then, by yourself or with someone else's help, begin to realize it. And when you can imagine something new that is not yet in your life, but that you would like to see, you will be able to find a way / ways to come to this. After all, in order to change your life, you need to at least approximately imagine what it should become after these changes. And it should get better, much better. So do not limit yourself in fantasies and desires.

Think right now and imagine - what new do you want to see in your life, and most importantly - what of the old are you ready to give up for this? And then ask another question - what do you need to start doing right now to see it, to create it, to come to it, to get it? For example, would you like to change your place of residence, or perhaps you would like to change your job? Why not? Is the place where you live now the best in the world? Is your job exactly the job that you have dreamed of all your life? Just don’t say that you are used to all this - for there is nothing worse for a “live”, conscious person than a habit. This is the next and final step you need to take to finally get rid of the fear of change and change your life. Let's see what it is.

There are, friends, one very important rule life that sounds like this - don't get used to anything! Especially one should not get used to comfort, because comfort is very harmful for people, it deprives them of the sharpness of perception and the ability to think. If you want to live - for real, and not like a plant, not like a machine, not like a biorobot - you need to unlearn habituation. It’s difficult, I understand, it’s not in vain that they say that habit is second nature. And yet, for a person to change something in this world is as natural as getting used to something. So why not get used to the need to constantly change something? Friends, you need to change your life not in order to necessarily improve it, but for the sake of the changes themselves. You can change your life for the worse, or get nothing from your changes, no one is ever immune from this. Will this mean that these changes were unnecessary and even harmful to you? No, it will not. Change is needed anyway. And that's why. The fact is that a person has an opportunistic instinct that helps him, when necessary, adapt and adapt to any conditions. This instinct helps us to survive. And the stronger this instinct is developed in a person, the more viable it will be. And in order for the instinct to develop, it must work, that is, be used. And for it to work, there must be a need for it. And for it to be necessary, you need to change your life as often as possible, even if the expediency of these changes is doubtful. Therefore, even unsuccessful changes in life will benefit you, as they will become for you a kind of training of your capabilities. Therefore, in order to guarantee change in your life, you need to be ready for any changes, for any changes, for any results, both positive and negative. In general, I am convinced that any changes are always for the better, it's just that people do not always realize this, especially in the context of time.

Also, friends, you should always remember that if you have no attachments, then there will be no suffering. So if you don't like to suffer, don't get attached to anything. Change your life more often, strive for something new and better, and in your life there will be more joy and happiness. That, in fact, is all you need to do to change your life. It seems that everything is simple, agree. But some effort will have to be made. And I'm sure you will.

In general, changing our lives is profitable and interesting, because when we do this, we, as I wrote above, really live, we feel reality, we feel the process of life itself, we remain vigilant when we are faced with a new one, we think, adapting to new life, and, consequently, we are improving. Therefore, by changing our life, we change ourselves, and by changing ourselves, we change our life - the effect replaces the cause, and the cause is the effect. Everything is interconnected. And do not forget, friends, if we ourselves do not strive to change our lives, then it will begin to change itself, which it does anyway, forcing us to change at the same time. And it's so unpleasant when your life starts to change without your permission, so to speak. And it’s not even so much unpleasant as terrible, because, in the end, who is the master of your life - you, or someone else? If someone else is in control of your life, then you simply don't have it. You don't live, you exist if you don't control your life, if you allow other people to control it. I hope you don't let that happen and live your life the way you want to, because your life is your life!

The question was asked about how to find your mission and determine the direction of changes in life. In this article, I would like to answer this question and advise a few simple techniques which you can try immediately after reading.

Why do we want change?

If it seems to you that something needs to be changed in this life, then it doesn’t seem to you.
Rinat Valiullin

I believe that the first step to conscious change in life is planning. However, I did not specify what exactly makes us start planning, look for sources of motivation and work with our resources.

Everything is very simple - it is a rejection of reality.

We start thinking about change when we have the urge to say, “Something is wrong in my life. I do not like it!". It happens when something makes us question our living standards.

I recently read the story of a girl who lost 20 kilograms. I'll give it as an example.

“I rode the subway when all the seats were taken. My grandmother was sitting in front of me and for the first few minutes she carefully examined me. Then she got up and with the words: “Sit down, daughter, you are not supposed to stand with a baby” - she gave way to me. I, burning with shame and holding my "baby", sat down. It was at that moment that I realized that it couldn’t go on like this.”

The first thing you need to understand when embarking on a path of change is that the new standards you are striving for do not match what you have on this stage. But after all, not everyone gets such an opportunity to experience a moment of utmost clarity, to see themselves from the outside and rethink their habits, like the aforementioned girl. So what to do?

1. What do I want to change?

It doesn't make much sense to climb a ladder if it's not against the wall you want.
Stephen Covey

it main question, which worries most people who have received a boost of motivation, but do not know where to direct their energy.

There are many ways to identify problem areas, but the simplest and most effective of them is a competent assessment. To do this, you need to separately consider the main areas of your life, which, as a rule, include:

love;
friendship;
welfare;
health;
Work;
hobby.

This classification was proposed by Russian business coach Radislav Gandapas. You can use your division, revealing individual directions in more detail.

Now you need to evaluate each of them on a ten-point scale. So you decide which areas need your attention first. If you have opposite ratings (for example, 3 and 10), then you should think about redirecting your efforts to an area that needs it more.

If all the numbers are approximately the same, then start with health and love, since their development most of all trains the will and gives motivation for self-improvement.

2. How to force yourself to act?

To change something, a person needs to survive a catastrophe, poverty or the proximity of death.
Erich Maria Remarque

Once you have decided what to work on, you must bring yourself into a state of rejection of reality. Your desire to improve existing standards must overcome fear, which is guaranteed to cause a desire to leave everything as it is. What is needed for this?

Take a piece of paper and write down the goal in the chosen area. For example: "I want to develop a strong relationship." Now divide the sheet into two columns with the following titles:

old standards. What will happen in five years if I leave everything as it is?
New standards. What will happen in five years if I start working on myself in this area?

Now try to be as honest as possible and write down detailed answers to these questions. In our strong relationship example, the old standards could be loneliness, lack of understanding, emotional instability and so on. To the new ones - emotional support, a pleasant pastime, a happy marriage.

So what standards do you want to live by?

3. Live by the new standards. Today!

There is no balance in life. Every moment is either a movement towards perfection or degradation.
Andrew Matthews

Now you know in which direction you need to move and what results await you at the end. At this stage, overwhelmed with emotions, we first begin to make plans to change the chosen area, but our enthusiasm quickly disappears.

To prove to yourself that your standards are indeed a thing of the past, start changing your chosen field today, right now. great example The picture below will serve as motivation for you.

pinterest.com

In order to see multiple changes in a year, it is enough to change by only 1% today. Write to an old friend with whom you have not communicated for a long time, do exercises, find out about the possibilities career development at work. Do something every day that will bring you closer to your goal, even if it's just one step closer.

Start working on yourself and change your life for the better!

If you have already decided that it’s time for me to change something in your life, but don’t know where to start yet, you can choose a few ideas from my LJ friend, these are wonderful 25 ways to change your life for the better and become happy.

We often see people whose lives are riddled with suffering and full of pessimism. They complain about fate, family, work, society and the state. They do not see the light at the end of the tunnel and believe that someone else is to blame for their plight. Even I, a person who is far from the most cheerful disposition, next to them seems like a model of an energetic joker. So sometimes, when they ask me what needs to be done to change everything, I think for a while and give them a couple of tips.

Without claiming to be great achievements in the field of personal growth, in today's post I have collected all such things that I have ever heard, applied or advised. All of them are checked for own experience, and I will be glad if it will be useful to someone.

1. Find out what you really like. This is the most important and the most difficult. There will be a separate big conversation about this, but the golden rule says - do what gives you real pleasure, and then you will become much happier. With the development of the Internet, everything has become even easier - the results of your efforts are very easy to convey to the public, and they will definitely appreciate them. Moreover, having a case that really turns you on is key factor attractiveness to the opposite sex. But one must be prepared for the fact that the search for one's own path is a marathon that can last for many (dozens?) years. (more)

2. Give up the garbage that you eat, drink and smoke every day. No secrets and cunning diets - just natural food, fruits, vegetables, water. You don’t have to become a vegetarian and give up drinking completely - just limit sugar, flour, coffee, alcohol and all plastic food as much as possible.

3.Learn foreign languages. This will unrealistically expand the depth of perception of the world and open up unprecedented opportunities for learning, development and career growth. Russian-speaking users Internet 60 million. There are a billion English speakers. The center of progress is now on the other side of the border, including the language one. Knowledge of English is no longer just a whim of intellectuals, but a vital necessity.

4. Read books. Approximate circle- yours Professional area, history, natural science, personal growth, sociology, psychology, biographies, qualitative fiction. No time to read because you drive - listen to audiobooks. Golden Rule Read/Listen to at least one book a week. That's 50 books a year that will change your life.

5. Make the most of every weekend. Go to a museum, an exhibition, go in for sports, go out of town, jump with a parachute, visit relatives, go to good film. Expand your contact area with the world. When you have already traveled around and around everything, take your friends with you and tell them what you know. The main thing is not to sit still. How more impressions you pass through yourself, the more interesting life will be, and the better you will understand things and phenomena.

6. Start a blog or regular diary. No matter what. It does not matter that you do not have eloquence and you will have no more than 10 readers. The main thing is that on its pages you will be able to think and reason. And if you just regularly write about what you love, readers will definitely come.

7. Set goals. Fix them on paper, in Word or blog. The main thing is that they be clear, understandable and measurable. If you set a goal, you can either achieve it or not. If you do not put, then there are no options for achieving at all.

8. Learn how to type blindly on a keyboard - not being able to do this in the 21st century is the same as not being able to write with a pen in the 20th. Time is one of the few treasures you have, and you should be able to type almost as fast as you can think. And you should not think about where it is desired letter but about what you write.

9. Ride time. Learn to manage your affairs so that they work almost without your participation. For starters, read Allen (Getting Things Done) or Gleb Arkhangelsky. Make decisions quickly, act immediately, do not postpone "for later." All things either do or delegate to someone. Try not to let the ball linger in your side. Write down on the sheet all the "long-playing" things that have not yet been done and prevent you from living. Rethink whether you need them (remembering point 1). Do what is left for a few days, and you will feel incredible lightness.

10. Give up computer games, aimlessly sitting in in social networks and stupid Internet surfing. Minimize communication in social networks (up to optimization - leave only one account). Destroy the TV antenna in the apartment. In order not to be drawn to constantly checking e-mail, install an agent that will inform you of incoming messages (including mobile ones).

12. Learn to get up early. The paradox is that in the early hours you always have more time than in the evening. If you leave Moscow at 7 am on weekends in the summer, then by 10 am you will already be in Yaroslavl. If you leave at 10, you will be there at best case For dinner. The same goes for weekend shopping. 7 hours of sleep is enough for a person, subject to quality physical activity and normal nutrition.

13. Try to surround yourself with decent, honest, open-minded, smart and successful people. We are our environment from which we learn everything we know. Spend more time with people you respect and learn from (it's especially important that your bosses fall into that category). Accordingly, try to minimize communication with people who are negative, dull, pessimistic and angry. In order to get taller, you have to strive upwards, and having people nearby that you want to grow up to will be a great incentive in itself.

14. Use every moment of time and every person to learn something new. If life brings you together with a professional in any field, try to understand what is the essence of his work, what are his motivations and goals. Learn to ask the right questions Even a taxi driver can be an invaluable source of information.

15. Start traveling. It does not matter that there is no money for Argentina and New Zealand— the quality of rest has nothing to do with the money spent, and my best trips were to regions that are not at all distinguished by pathos and high cost. When you see how diverse the world is, you will stop obsessing over the small space around you and become more tolerant, calmer and wiser.

16. Buy a camera (maybe the simplest one) and try to catch the beauty of the world. When you succeed, you will remember your travels not only by vague impressions, but also by beautiful photos that you brought with you. Alternatively, try drawing, singing, dancing, sculpting, designing. That is, do something that will make you look at the world with different eyes.

17. Do some sports. It is not necessary to go to a fitness club where jocks, pick-up artists, Balzac ladies and freaks hang out. Yoga, climbing, biking, horizontal bars, parallel bars, football, running, plyometrics, swimming, functional training - best friends a person who wants to restore the tone of the body and get a surge of endorphins. And forget about what an elevator is - if you have to walk less than 10 floors, use your legs. In just 3 months of methodical work on yourself, you can change the body almost beyond recognition.

18. Do unusual things. Go where you've never been, go to work the other way, understand the problem, about which you know nothing at all. Get out of your "comfort zone", expand your knowledge and horizons. Rearrange the furniture at home (and do it about once a year), change your appearance, hairstyle, image.

19. Invest. Ideally, every month it is worth investing part of your income, because a rich person is not someone who earns a lot, but someone who invests a lot. Try to invest in assets, minimize liabilities and control expenses. If you put yourself financial goal and put things in order in your personal money, you will be surprised at how easily you will move towards its achievement (more)

20. Get rid of junk. Throw away anything you haven't worn or used in a while. last year (in next year You won't get to them either). Leave only what you really like and need. It's a pity to throw it away - give it away. When buying a new item, get rid of the old similar one so that the balance is maintained. Less stuff means less dust and headaches.

21. Give more than you take. Share knowledge, experience and ideas. A person who not only takes, but also shares, is incredibly attractive. Surely you know something that others really want to learn. Coaching was a discovery for me at one time - I am on a voluntary and free of charge began to give trainings and lectures, which eventually grew into a very big story which brings me great satisfaction.

22. Accept the world as it is. Give up value judgments accept all phenomena as initially neutral. And even better - as unambiguously positive.

23. Forget about what happened in the past. It has nothing to do with your future. Take with you from there only experience, knowledge, a good relationship and positive impressions.

24. Don't be afraid. There are no insurmountable obstacles, and all doubts live only in your head. You don't have to be a warrior, you just need to see the goal, avoid obstacles and know that you will achieve it without a single chance to experience failure.

25. The last, it is the first. Do what you like. Learn. Learn. Develop. Change yourself from within.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. But even if you systematically do at least some of this, then after a year, looking at yourself in the mirror, you will not recognize yourself. And the world will simply have no choice but to follow your example and change in response.

Instruction

Throw away all doubts and laziness. You will have to work hard and for a long time. Do not expect that from Monday you will wake up new and everywhere you will achieve success and universal success. First, you will have to seriously work on and say goodbye to many habits that seemed quite comfortable to you.

Clearly articulate the shortcomings that hinder you. Define yours as accurately as possible. Write them down on a piece of paper. As a rule, all minor flaws are twisted around one big defect: all your behavior is subject to an obstacle in the form of one or another vice. Therefore, it will be small.

On another sheet, write down the traits that you want in yourself, based on own worldview and natural inclination. The ideal list consists of one or two words, because a single goal allows you to focus energy on one process. But, if your goal consists of traits, write them all down.

Break your goal into several easily achievable milestones. Determine the due date for each. From now on, you will strictly adhere to this list, so the deadlines must be realistic. Do not overestimate your abilities, but do not give yourself slack. It will be good if each stage corresponds to one week: during this period you can complete enough to see at least a small result.

Start working on yourself immediately after the end of the lists. Do not transfer the beginning to Monday, the first, the beginning or the end of the vacation. The sooner you get down to business, the sooner your goals will come.

Work hard. Act as if you have already achieved your goal: for example, getting rid of bad habit, started playing sports, stopped being late everywhere or the like. Don't think about: they see you the way you show yourself. Praise yourself for any accomplishment, especially one that is ahead of schedule. Do not despair if a stage is not given to you the first time or on time. Redo the plan and fight the obstacle until you overcome it.

Portal for the student. Self-training

Terry Southern

Why do we want change?

1. What do I want to change?

2. How to force yourself to act?

3. Live by the new standards. Today!

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