Forgiveness of parents Foundation stone in all spiritual work. Until we forgive mom and dad, we are doomed to be eternal children, with childish grievances and reactions. But that would be half the trouble. Resentment against parents makes us act in certain ways, get into certain situations. The feeling of our own guilt towards our parents acts in opposition, and we find ourselves in a trap.

When they tell me that “I have nothing to forgive them,” I do not believe. In any, even the most prosperous family not always everything goes smoothly. A child is a vulnerable, subtle being, he can get injured in the most seemingly inappropriate situation, in the most harmless in the opinion of an adult. Mom did not come to the crib, sobbed for five minutes - he was injured by the abandoned one. Dad took away his little hands, wanting to hug him (he was just dirty from work), and the child has a rejection trauma ... and this list can be continued indefinitely. We do not remember even half of what happened, but emotions sit in our body and mind and do their dirty work.

Everyone has parental trauma. And these injuries not only keep our energy locked up, causing various psychosomatic diseases. These injuries are much more insidious. They spoil our present.

Suppose you are offended by your father. You haven’t talked to him for a long time, and you don’t know where he is at all, he left you at a young age. But in life you come across unreliable men, personal life does not add up. And all because in your childhood a program was imposed on you: "I'm bad, you can leave me." You may not have even seen your father, but there is a program. And she works. Because the image of a father is very important for a girl in terms of building relationships with men and herself.

Bad relationship with his father, resentment against him is revealed by the programs:

• - When you are thrown, you are cheated on
• - When you are treated rudely
• When you don't feel worthy wealth
• - When you don't feel desired, beautiful, feminine
• - When you get a partner with bad habits

Bad relations with the mother, resentment towards her are revealed by the programs:

• - When you choose the wrong person as a partner
• - When you come across married men
• - When you consider yourself a bad mother
• When you are constantly afraid of something
• When your self-esteem is below normal
• When you feel you are not worthy of self-expression
• - When you have problems with the emotional sphere.

And it's far from full list. Did you find yourself in it?

This is a confirmation that the forgiveness of parents is our everything. Parents can and should be forgiven.

Do you want to learn how to forgive your father and mother easily and effectively?

You can purchase the recording of the webinar "Parents' Forgiveness"

In the meantime, I bring to your attention a small excerpt from this webinar, in the form of text. You can try this technique for yourself.

Now I will give you one of the most powerful technicians, I think that half of you have long known. But what is the essence of technology? The point is to do it. Those who go to webinars and read books often have one thing they don't like. good quality: you collect a lot of books on a separate daddy, put them together and then never open them, download records that you never listen to again, copy techniques, bring them to the forum and then never return to them. Only what you do works, this is how our world works. It is not enough to read, it is not enough to know, something has to be done.

So, one of the most powerful techniques I know of today in forgiveness is the bow. Simple prostrations, prostrations, those used in prayer. Who can use them? They can only be used by those who feel love for their parents, and this love is mixed with negative memories. When you clearly understand that you love your parents and want to love. You don't have to love, but love. Really love, but you still have resentment towards them. For such a contingent, this technique is good. For those who feel hatred for their parents, for those who feel the furthest from love, this technique is not very good. Because, firstly, you are unlikely to want to do it, and, secondly, it is better to use something less radical, because your hatred can lead to very large bursts in your psyche, which will not be very good for you. Therefore, this technique, I repeat, is for those who experience mixed feelings for their parents, that is, for the majority, when love is mixed and negative memories and feelings of resentment are mixed.

It is done very simply: every day, I did it for 40 days, although the technique was calculated in the original source for 108 days, but I don’t know who can withstand these 108 days. No matter how many days you do, regularity is important, as in any business. That is, you need to do every day, how much you can stand. In the morning, as soon as you wake up, wash your face, put a photo of your parent in front of you, start bowing, and the bows should be such that your head touches the floor.

How to do it? It is best to kneel, as they pray in church, i.e. on their knees they beat their foreheads on the floor. If someone has a protest against this technique, it is your ego and, in fact, this technique is precisely based on lowering the ego below your heart. The ego lives in our heads, so when you bow down to the ground, you lower your ego below your heart, thus you pacify it. How many times do you hit these bows? As many as you can.

I can immediately warn you that this technique, despite its simplicity, apparent primitiveness, actually has a very powerful cleansing effect. You must be prepared for the fact that there will be very strong emotional outbursts, there will be tears. Perhaps there will be some unplanned emotions and, of course, it is best to do this somewhere alone. I did this in the bathroom, it’s good to let the water run, because the negative goes very well through the water or light a candle.

With love, Gloria Moore

Quite often happens, children long time hold a grudge against their parents. Perhaps they want to get rid of it, to free themselves, however, it does not work. Resentment becomes a problem that gives rise to numerous complexes. The kids can't do anything. Resentments accumulate, poison life, and are an obstacle to open feelings. A resentment can become a serious injury.

How to forgive parents for old childhood grievances?

Feelings have no statute of limitations. Unpleasant situations of childhood can live in memory for many years. Previously, they were considered by the child as unfairly caused grief, an insult. He experienced negatively colored emotions. He harbored anger towards the offender, felt sorry for himself, wept quietly. In such a situation, it is difficult to make corrections, as opposed to reproach, claims, when there is still hope of a possible change.

Childish resentment is a bitter feeling that destroys the soul. She doesn't let her calm down. Makes you constantly mentally scroll through the situation. This feeling appears when the expectations of the child do not meet the behavior of adults.

Childish resentment is accompanied by a change:

• facial expressions;
• intonation;
• moods.

Parents often teach resentment:

1. pity the children when they are offended;
2. forbid children to show emotions;
3. they themselves express, demonstrate resentment.

Remember, life is not always good points. Life experience is formed over the years. Emotions experienced in childhood make a person the way he is.

How to forget resentment towards parents?

First of all, you should find the reason why everything happened. Try to understand her. Analyze the behavior of adults at that time. Wonder if they could have done differently.

• remember: parents ordinary people. It is common for every person to make mistakes that you must be able to forgive, because they forgive you as well;
• Think about the good things your parents did. After analyzing, it will turn out that there are much more good deeds than offensive ones. Perhaps this will be the cause of forgiveness;
• Quite often, hidden grievances against parents interfere with building relationships with the opposite sex, starting a family, and finding friends. You should let go of resentment, live in harmony with yourself, others;
• You must remember that parents are not eternal. Keeping a grudge, children forget to say words of love, gratitude, appreciation;
• It also helps to talk to your parents. Having expressed what has accumulated in the soul, you come to understanding, relief comes.

Think about what your parents did wrong. If they did not understand your actions, punished, beaten, it will be a lesson not to do this with your children. When you tune in emotionally to this thought, resentment will noticeably decrease. It is not easy to do this, however, it is quite realistic if the desire to overcome grievances is great.

By forgiving parents old childhood insults, a person is cleansed morally, physically, comes into harmony with himself, the world around him.

Good should be remembered more often, childish resentment will go away.

How to forgive mom for childhood grievances?

This is complex issue. The wound in the heart bleeds, does not heal long years. There is only one explanation: the mother is the most native person in everyone's life.

If a son or daughter, waiting for the repentance of the mother, expresses everything that has boiled over, and she takes it with hostility, the person remains unsatisfied. He is looking for a target resembling a mother to pour on her afterwards. negative emotions. For him, it will be the same mother only in a different guise. This situation lasts a lifetime. It is very important for moral balance to forgive the mother for children's grievances.

How to forgive a mother for childhood grievances:

Compare your life with school. Certain lessons have to be learned. They help in the future to live without mistakes, to move forward. Not every mother controls her speech. The spoken word, instead of protection, sometimes hurts children badly.

Learn a lesson, don't criticize appearance child, lack of ability. The insulting words of the mother remain a stigma for life. Resentment will become a complex. Only forgiveness can lessen this pain.

Put yourself in your mom's shoes. Try to live the situation in your mother's place. Each person believes that he always acts out of good intentions. Finds an excuse for everything. It is necessary to understand why she acted this way and not otherwise. It will possibly be hard step however it needs to be done.

Imagine yourself as a lawyer. Look for arguments, reduce your mother's term of imprisonment, appointed in childhood. Then you had the role of prosecutor and victim. In this situation, you look at your childhood grievances from the outside. Detachment will help to look at everything with different eyes.

Try to raise your self-esteem. Ways can be very different:

• when merits, successes are recognized by others;
• climb up the social ladder;
• allow yourself to buy expensive things;
• handle what others can't.

Only by coming into harmony with himself, resolving internal conflicts, realizing that no one needs to prove anything, a person gradually releases the pain, forgives his mother for childhood insults.

He plunges into complete freedom feelings, self-love. He no longer notices the strings that his mother was pulling. The fear of offending the child, repeating the actions of the mother will go away.

Why is a man offended like a child?

Quite often you can hear that a woman is difficult to understand, her opinion, her mood changes every minute. However male psychology also has features.

A man knows how to be offended, he does it no less than the fair sex. He resembles a child at such moments. His actions sometimes cause bewilderment even in himself. To understand the reasons, watch him, analyze the situation.

Attentive attitude of a woman to her partner helps to avoid quarrels, insults and conflicts.

Reasons for childish resentment of a man:

• in a woman. She resembles a mother who constantly terrorized as a child. Also offends, humiliates in public;
• offended man tries to attract attention. He shows with all his appearance that they should take pity on him, caress him, say a warm word. AT this case resentment acts as a method of struggle for attention;
• hypersensitivity, vulnerability. He is offended by every little thing, every spoken word. It is important to note this feature in a man in time;
• heightened self-esteem. He will not tolerate jokes even from close people. His dignity is the highest asset. Most likely, his mother instilled in him the idea from childhood: he is the best.

As you can see, the character of a man is formed in childhood under the influence of many factors. The grievances inflicted at this age are very strong. He can unconsciously carry them through his whole life. They form his relationship with others.

Grievances are manifested by a heavy load that you have to constantly carry with you. Such an emotion is strong among its similar sensations. It builds up in the subconscious for many years. Tears, self-pity, hatred of the mother are considered negative factors. Problems render a huge impact on well-being, character. Resentment can cause psychosomatic disorders.

Resentment and problems with the law. Children's grievances, as the cause of the appearance of a maniac, are often considered common. It is based on a dysfunctional childhood. A terrible upbringing contributed to the birth of pathology. My heart was filled with hatred for others, for myself. However, outwardly they are intelligent, understanding, well-mannered men.

Children's grievances, complexes have left an imprint on their psyche. In adulthood the criminal seeks to assert himself at the expense of others, humiliating, insulting. Such people manipulate souls, seek weak spots use them for their own purposes. They do not forgive their parents for children's grievances, their psyche is broken, sometimes it is difficult to control it.

It is important to learn to free yourself from resentment, to forgive offenders. positive feelings will allow you to look differently at close relatives, yourself. Having forgiven your parents for children's grievances, you will feel how much easier it has become to live.

Most of us have complaints about our parents. These can be insults from childhood for criticism or misunderstanding, for a lack of love and care, for an “unbought toy”.

Some resent what they didn't get financial well-being and excessive demands, their excessive cruelty or importunity. Sometimes resentment against parents is caused by moral pressure and physical assault.

There can be many reasons. Ideal relationship and there are no families. And each of us harbored a small or big grudge. We must know the importance of forgiving parents. By letting go of resentment, we free ourselves from a heavy burden. It is known that any claims poison our lives, especially if they are directed at people close to us.

How to forgive parents to help your children

Were you rejected or misunderstood as a child? And in small child resentment towards parents. It is very difficult to express disagreement with loved ones. Deposits of unspoken feelings, claims prevent us from forgiving our parents and freeing ourselves. And then we transfer all this burden to relationships with our own children. There is a direct psychological dependence here.

By learning how to forgive an offense to your parents, you will save your family from the mistakes of your ancestors. As a child, for sure, you were offended by the behavior of your mother or father. You promised yourself that you would never do this to your own children. But an unforgiven resentment against your mother for regular screaming will encourage you to raise your voice at your baby. Unspoken claims against dad will make you raise your hand to punish your children. “I didn’t have this in my childhood, and you will manage it,” people subconsciously think, harboring a grudge against their parents, come from childhood.

So, how to forgive parents and get rid of resentment

Get better by letting go of the past

To be free, you have to let go of the past. Understanding will help to forgive claims to parents. Try to enter into a position, let the situation pass through you, in order to find out how our loved ones felt, doing just that. Or maybe they couldn't do it any other way? Maybe they weren't taught otherwise? Claiming for screaming is the same as being offended that they spoke to you in Russian, Kazakh, Ukrainian. The problem is that your father or mother was taught this way, and they simply could not do otherwise. It is dangerous that you adopt the behavior of your parents, and you can become the same by hurting your children. Everything is logical.

Feel to forgive

Don't know how to forgive your parents? Think that you can be in their place. Your children will grow up and it is quite possible that they will resent you. But you are trying to educate them, give them the best, make them hardworking and decent people. You, like your parents, wish your children happiness and success. But will your severity then be perceived as a contribution to the development of personality? Maybe endless workouts, and extra classes your child will perceive as the theft of childhood. Try to understand the behavior of your loved ones, remember yourself in childhood, then it will be easier for you to let go of claims.

Our life experience comes from childhood

Still not sure how to forgive your parents? Realize that since childhood we have learned an invaluable life experience. Everything we know how to speak, write, read, cook, we were taught by our parents. How to do and how not to do, they also told. Accept their mistakes for good. Sorry to exclude negative factors from your life. Let go of fears and aggression, discontent and stiffness. Fill the vacated space with dreams and goals, gratitude and freedom.

Life is not eternal

Realize that we are all guests in this world. And parents are not always with us. Take a step forward while you can. Do not be late to say "I'm sorry" to loved ones. Otherwise, you will be punishing yourself for a long time for holding a grudge. Then there will be no one to thank and apologize.

Be grateful for life

We must try to forgive our parents already for the fact that they gave us life. The chance of each of us appearing is minimal. And these people, albeit imperfect ones, let us into this world. They gave us the opportunity to give offspring, rejoice and build our own own life. In order to feed us, clothe us, educate us, they had to limit themselves and work hard. Realize gratitude to forgive your parents. Understand, as a child, you did not notice much. Try to be honest with your parents. Ask them direct questions: “Why did you do it”, “Why did you do it”.

Tips to help you understand how to forgive an offense to your parents

1. Don't deprive yourself of a choice.

   Forgiveness, as well as its absence, is your legitimate choice. You may not be ready to let go just yet. It doesn't matter what others say about it. We make the decision to "pardon" on the basis of an objective assessment of the damage caused to us. Must forgive - does not mean that I can do it.

2. Give yourself time.

   Bad treatment provokes deep and powerful emotions. It can be shame and anger, hatred and despair. Even if you push them out, the sediment will remain. Initially, you need to recognize that these feelings are in your life. Give yourself time. Emotions will fade, the severity of the “damage” inflicted on us will take on a different meaning. Some sorrows will fade away on their own, and it will be easier for you to forgive your parents.

   Our parents are living people, many of them are imperfect. If you hold a grudge against them for years, it means that they touched some part of you, and there was a reason for this. Forgive your parents to make it easier for you, not for them. So that you are not embarrassed by the question of them. So that you do not transfer their behavioral mistakes into your life model.

   Whatever method we choose on the path to forgiveness of parents, we will feel true liberation after a while. It will be a feeling of relief, comfort and wisdom. And initially, we may be visited by a feeling of emptiness. Resentment and anger are strong emotions that can become energy generators. They are capable long time push us to exploits, make us improve and grow. Depriving them, we can fall into a stupor. Gradually, you manage to fill your life with other strong feelings. And already free and strong to move on.

Whatever psychological problems did not happen in adult life with a person, the “diagnosis”, basically, is childhood, or rather, resentment that did not go away with it. They remain a splinter in the soul, which, if not pulled out in time, will begin to boil and, in the end, turn into a “poison” that destroys the body from the inside, both psychologically and physically.

Such grievances are difficult to eradicate even on your own. experienced psychologist not to mention dealing with them on your own. But it is necessary to try to do this, without waiting for “somehow it will pass by itself” - it will not work!

Destroy any offense (and children, especially) can only be sincere forgiveness. But how unbearably difficult it is to do so! You can forgive almost any person, but if mom and dad offended, this is the heaviest burden hanging over a person’s life sword of damocles ready to break and collapse at any moment.

The well-known psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya, at one of her lectures, lifted the veil of secrecy about whether an adult has any chance at all to get rid of childhood grievances. Today we'll talk about this.

1. H do not try to forgive your parents, but try to understand them as much as possible by looking into them enough hard life, where basically everyone lived the same way: lack of money, life, work, endless queues in stores. Perhaps this endless turmoil did not give them a chance to be more sensitive and loving parents(very often a person unconsciously copies the behavior of his parents, and in our even more hectic age, this also happens quite often)

2. If earlier it was believed that parents are sacred and any resistance to them or rejection of their behavior was a complete taboo, then having matured, you must understand that you have every right to talk about the problem and that something made you feel bad. Perhaps your parents do not even realize that you have a grudge against them. Many of them are no longer as wrapped up as before, they have had years to become wiser and perhaps you have already given them grandchildren, which means they have opened with new side and become kinder and calmer. Try to talk to them heart to heart and, most likely, you will be able to start new warm relationship that you have been deprived of for many years.

3. But sometimes just talking is not enough. For one, it is important that the parents ask for forgiveness (I repeat - for the fact that, perhaps, they did not even know that they had caused mental trauma), hugged, hugged tightly to themselves and kissed like in childhood. In those cases where there was a serious abuse in the relationship (a term denoting violence, ill-treatment, insult - ed.) and this is precisely the very heavy burden, sometimes the fact of recognition from the parents is enough. Yes, just imagine a simple confession of what has been done can “muffle” the unbearable pain that has dragged on for years and start a new warm relationship.

4. It happens that the result of a frank conversation with your parents is their complete denial of the fact that they acted unfairly to you. According to them, everything was done correctly, and it was thanks to them that a person with a capital letter has grown out of you.Leave them the right not to admit mistakes. Each person has their own vision of the world and, perhaps, this is their idea of ​​love for children. If, at an advanced age, they insist on their position and do not accept another option, they will no longer be able to convince them.Just know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

True, in this situation, it is unlikely that you will be able to truly good relationship, but perhaps you will be able to forgive them and this will make it at least a little easier.

5. Another recommendation from a psychologist feel sorry for yourself, only a small one. Explain everything from the position of yourself, an adult, and admit: yes, the parents were wrong, but we have no right to judge them, because we can never be older than them. Just regret. After all, at least one adult should take pity on you, little one. Why don't you become that adult yourself?

6. Allow yourself to be sad sometimes. : about something that was not there in childhood, about what your parents didn’t give you or unfairly forbade. Sometimes this "self-therapy" brings relief.

7. Do not warm hope that parents will take and change dramatically. Perhaps not drastically and in general they will not change at all. For example, all your life you wanted your father to kiss or hug you at least once, and your mother said kind words to you. But they do not hug and do not say - nothing changes. Maybe they just don't know how to do it. There was no one to teach them. They are simply not even able to master the science of love. Try to just feel sorry for them and sincerely love them, no matter what, because they have been deprived of this feeling all their lives. Do not expect them to show emotions, just love them yourself. Let at least in old age they feel what it is. After all, it is you who are their blood and flesh, perhaps who came into this life to teach them this.

8. Learn to "decipher" your parents' love. If they grumble and criticize all the time, but they never let you go hungry and worry about whether you put on a scarf and took an umbrella, then this is their love - just not quite the way you imagine it. Yes, you do not hear words of love from them, but sometimes love is silent, and actions are more important than hundreds of beautiful words.

If you manage to sincerely forgive or at least understand and accept your parents for who they are, you will be able to return those warm relations that once existed between you.

Just wanting to grant forgiveness is not enough. To truly forgive your parents, you need to free yourself from feelings of guilt and pressure from others. Our culture favors forgiveness, which may be why we don't talk much about the dangers of premature forgiveness.

“In the mind of a child, parents are always right,” says psychoanalyst Gabriel Ruben. - A child who is mistreated believes that he himself is responsible for it. Often this imaginary responsibility becomes the cause of suffering for those who consider themselves guilty of imaginary errors and punish themselves for them in one way or another. By virtue of a strange shifter, it is usually the victim who takes on the guilt that the one who tormented him should have experienced.

The psychoanalyst advises: before forgiving, “first recognize yourself as a victim, that is, an innocent person who feels guilty. Otherwise, deep down you will continue to feel guilty.”

The same happens if the mistreatment was unintentional (the parents were not around, they were depressed or sick).

“For the unconscious, there is only inflicted suffering,” explains Gabriel Ruben. - Intentions do not matter, as in the case of the body: it does not take into account the intentions of the one who hurts him, on purpose or through oversight. It suffers, period. Only secondarily do we realize that the wound was inflicted on us by our parents, and then we suppress the feeling of hatred, which would otherwise turn to the “innocent aggressor”.

In our inner work, we must take into account our ambivalence about some things - for example, it is more difficult to forgive a parent who does not admit their mistakes - as well as the ability to stop, delay forgiveness or refuse it altogether.

1. Give yourself the right to choose

Even if we think we are ready to forgive, it is important to know from the start that not forgiving is also a legitimate choice. It doesn’t matter what the environment thinks about it: not forgiving is a freedom that everyone has the right to give themselves. This decision is not related to objective assessment seriousness damage but only with our deep feelings.

It is necessary to resist not only the “you must” coming from the environment, but also your own “I must”. Do not succumb to the pressure of others, nor the feeling of guilt, you are free to make your choice.

2. Give yourself time

Ill-treatment, whatever its nature, duration or motive, causes deep and strong feelings: fear, anger, hatred, pain, shame, despair... We could push them out, but their influence has not disappeared. It will take time to identify these feelings.

Ask yourself candidly: what do I really feel when I think about what I have experienced and about those for whom I experienced these difficult moments? Putting feelings into words: “I feel hatred”, “I am ashamed” is a necessary step towards a conscious decision.

It is easier to move on with the psychologist: we can establish a connection between the trials of the past and the suffering and failures in the present. To assess the damage done to us, we must give ourselves time. There is a difference between a person who has been hurt and beaten, and someone who, for example, has not been supported in choosing a career as an artist. Some sorrows, if rethought, can fade away by themselves over time.

3. Feel, not decree

Forgiveness is a narcissistic act, it elevates us in our own eyes. It also brings peace to relationships. These two arguments explain why forgiveness is often given prematurely. However, the joy it brings is short-lived. And you have to pay dearly for it if the process leading to a balanced decision has not gone through important stages.

To fully peace of mind to feel whether we want to forgive, we must first return to our history, go through all the stages internal conflicts, fueled by conflicting emotions and ambiguous desires ... - and maybe after all this we will decide that we do not want to forgive.

Whatever the decision, made after mature reflection and after inner work we will experience it as fair and just. We will feel as if we have returned to ourselves, freed from intrusive thoughts and emotions, and we will no longer unwittingly build our whole life around another person. We no longer live in reaction mode, we are not in opposition, we are not looking for an opportunity to take revenge and we are not waiting for the other to do us justice.

"I am now free from all bitterness"

At 38, he learned that his father was not really his father. BUT real father- teacher French at the school where he studied. Almost the entire family knew about this secret. A serious injury that he managed to overcome.

“For ten years I did not speak to my mother, sister and brothers. We are all obsessed with Christian forgiveness, which tells us to erase the past like a sponge, and start life anew, as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, leaving alone the one who harmed us is also one of the forms of forgiveness. Not so long ago I met my sister after a long break. We avoided talking about the past... And we had a good time together. I am now free from all bitterness towards my family. Although, of course, every case is different. I understand my biological father. It's hard not to sin once in 40 years of marriage.

But I spent all my childhood with my mother. She is not only a person with her weaknesses, she is my mother! And so I want her to be perfect. This makes it difficult for me to forgive her: I must admit that this image is destroyed, just as my image of myself was destroyed by the news that I had a different father. My brothers and sister lied to me, but then I realized that in this deception there was a desire to protect me. The question of forgiveness is also the question of acknowledging what I have from them. I had to say to myself: “Yes, I am also sentimental, like a mother. I love languages ​​like my biological father, and I am different from my half-siblings on my mother's side and from my biological father's side. To not forgive means to hurt yourself. The older I get, the more I understand that we all need forgiveness, including myself: we all sometimes hurt without meaning to. I think I will soon decide to see my mother.

4. Show mercy

Parents can ask for forgiveness for suffering, either because of memories that make them feel guilty or in response to reproaches. Responding to their request for forgiveness without spending enough time on a mature decision is a temptation that one wants to give in to. Simply because even grown children lose their adulthood when interacting with their parents, they are overwhelmed with guilt, the fear of not being loved, or the desire to “save” their parent. However, the decision needs to be postponed.

You can tell your parents that we need time to think, or that we are not yet ready to forgive. This position aligns relationships and helps not to become hostages. own emotions. It also makes sense to think about how we want to express our forgiveness or what words to refuse it, how to most accurately convey our feelings.

Forgiveness given too hastily can be taken back in the future

Forgiveness should not serve as a means to lessen the damage done or to justify the mother or father. And denial of forgiveness should not be a way to take revenge. It is also possible to forgive (or not forgive) an absent parent who is deceased or unaware of the injury inflicted on them. This symbolic act has the same consequences as forgiveness face to face.

You can write a letter and then save it or destroy it, talk to him while looking at a photo, express forgiveness out loud or silently ... Whichever way we choose, true forgiveness we recognize after a while by the sense of relief and comfort it brings.

5. Stay master of the relationship

Forgiveness does not impose any obligations and does not give any rights to the one who is forgiven. The forgiver has every right to choose what kind of relationship he wants to establish in the future. All options are possible: no longer see your parents, move away or become closer. It makes sense to focus on what we consider right for ourselves, without making excuses. This line of behavior makes us masters of the situation, who respect themselves and inspire respect from others.

6. Live by forgiving

Contrary to what is commonly thought, the fact of forgiveness does not immediately fill us with jubilation. Often, on the contrary, a feeling of emptiness comes, because anger, hatred, bitterness are strong feelings that take a lot of strength and attention, they could give meaning and purpose to our life. So their disappearance can leave us confused, with a sense of loss. Then there is nothing left but to overcome this stage, which in itself is a form of recovery.

Then we can invest the acquired vital energy into something new (projects, relationships...). Finally, we must always remember that forgiveness given too hastily can be withdrawn in the future, just as we may eventually decide to give forgiveness, which we have long denied parents. This way we can keep in touch with our feelings and desires.