What is self-sabotage?
unconscious phenomenon. Refusal to act now, when they are needed by the person himself or, in other words, opposition, opposition to oneself when one needs to act, resistance from within.

Self-sabotage - protection or failure

Self-sabotage options:

1. Self-deception.“I’ll do it later”, “I’ll have time”, “I’m not very well prepared yet”, “In 10 minutes I’ll start”, “Now, just look at Odnoklassniki for a couple of minutes.” And such self-deception can last for days, weeks, months and even years. Important things are all waiting in the wings and remain just points of the plan, unrealized goals.

2. Ignoring the goal. Doing unimportant and non-urgent tasks instead of important and essential ones. Watching a movie, chatting with friends, viewing e-mail, making calls, sleeping, listening to music - these are all things without which our life would be insipid and uninteresting. But a person is engaged in them in the allotted time, and not at the time planned for important and strategic tasks.

3. Small requests. A person thinks or says to himself: “Enough for my life”, “I don’t need it anymore”, “I am satisfied with what I have”. This is how the limitation self, refusal to develop one's own abilities and reveal all the potential inherent in a person. Seeds received at birth never grow into beautiful and strong trees - they turn into dust.

The reasons

Physical:

Disease
- lack of sleep
- sedentary lifestyle
- lack of fresh air
- malnutrition

AT this case self-sabotage has a protective, protective function. It signals to a person that it is time to restore physical resources and energy. Only after that you can get down to business, but not in the reverse order.

Psychological:

Fear
- lack of self-esteem
- lack of information
- self-accusation
- hidden benefits
- negative

What to do?

1. Fear

You need to learn to be aware of fears, to allow them to exist and act together with them, without driving them deep into yourself.

To do this, ask yourself questions: Why do I not want to act? What will happen? What am I afraid of? It is important to understand your fear, then it will become an assistant and earn the rule: I am afraid, but I do it.

2. Self-doubt

A person puts a big one and "crouches from her greatness." It is clear that great task requires breaking it down into small ones and then everything looks feasible, there is faith in its implementation. Crush the rock into stones and you will move it from its place.

3. Lack of information

Unfamiliar activity causes thoughts that “it won’t work”, “it’s impossible”, “it’s beyond our strength”. The main thing here is to take action: collect information and do it. If a person begins to act, he immediately understands whether he is doing the right thing or not. And, based on this understanding, either continues or changes its tactics.

4. Self-blame

Blaming ourselves for laziness, self-sabotage, stupidity, inconsistency and a bunch of other shortcomings, we allow ourselves to do nothing further, procrastinate our failure, waste time on self-flagellation.

We are all created in the image and likeness of God. Scolding himself, a person casts a shadow on him.

It is better to stop this dirty stream of accusations and turn the arrows to action. It’s better to start with gratitude to myself for everything that I can, what I have, what I love, what I have in my life, reread success. This gives a good positive energy charge and allows you to do what you really need.

5. Hidden Benefits

It is necessary for a person to receive hidden benefits.

I'll be sorry for being so stupid.
Help me because I can't.
I feel sorry for the fact that my life is not going well.

This is self-deception, when true satisfaction from life is replaced by a surrogate of energy extracted from pity, condescension, sympathy for other people. But this source is not eternal. No one needs other people's problems, especially when a person himself does not make efforts to overcome them.

6. Negative emotions

I have a bad and - "burn it all with fire"! I don't want, I won't, I can't! , emotions.

How to proceed in this case?
How to cope?

Very simple. Cut emotions out of business. Yes, I feel bad, but it has nothing to do with it, it is not to blame, it needs to be done.

We develop the habit of doing business in any mood and state of mind. Okay - let's do it. Bad - we do. Neutral - do it. Boring - let's do it.

When the coupling of emotion - action is disabled, the main things continue to be realized and the person moves forward. And you can immerse yourself at other times.))

Conclusion:

You can cope with self-sabotage when a person brings this process from the subconscious to the surface, to the level of understanding, realizes the causes and eliminates them.

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Why do we eat at night, late for important meetings, call our exes? Exactly for the same reason that we set difficult goals for ourselves, do not let us relax even for a minute and constantly look for shortcomings. The reason for all these different, at first glance, phenomena is one.

With such friends, you don’t need enemies, says an old Russian proverb, and psychotherapists remake it in their own way: « Why do you need enemies if you have yourself?» In the American therapeutic tradition, the behavior when you can’t think of a better enemy than yourself is called self-sabotage.

Declaring the desire for a goal, you do everything to not achieve it.

Your last cigarette is endless, the gym will always be tomorrow, and work is always put off until later. to chronic forms. self-sabotage include: overeating, including bulimia and anorexia, excessive love of alcohol, the ability to get into fights - in a word, any behavior aimed at self-destruction. Socially acceptable workaholism and an uncomplicated personal life are among them.

self-sabotage- a relatively new term in psychology, appeared about ten years ago, when psychologists noted that people over thirty prefer not to grow up. Psychologist Ludmila Petranovskaya calls it the trauma of a whole generation brought up hyperresponsible people who parted from childhood early.

it a common problem modern society. But she is allowed. Erich Fromm believed that in principle a person has a thirst for self-destruction. And along with it - a fairly strong instinct for self-preservation. Therefore, we kill ourselves, of course, with everyone known ways, but not to the end, as if for fun. For example, smoking. But not at once. And although there is no instant visibility of the harm of nicotine, we implicitly know: it is by no means good for health - and therefore we smoke with special pleasure.

We say: “Somehow everything is going to be stupid”, we complain about external circumstances, not realizing that we are provoking all these circumstances ourselves.

This behavior is the result of being raised by controlling, non-accepting parents. Such people are not comfortable in situations where everything goes well. In their picture of the world, assimilated from childhood, the sky is always gray, the mother is dissatisfied, and you have to pay for any happiness. And in order to regain this comfortable, familiar state, they begin to sabotage their lives: forget about important meetings, find fault with a loved one, borrow huge sums - just to return this life to their usual, on the verge of survival, condition.

In the Swedish cartoon “Three Thieves”, an orphan girl categorically refuses to live in a shelter where children have to work on a beet field from morning to evening, and for low output, the headmistress deprives them of lunch, while repeating like a mantra: “If there is no beetroot, there will be no love." The “saboteurs” are the children from this very shelter who understand that they still cannot collect the required amount of beets. The feeling that the finish line is unattainable haunts such a person all his life. Therefore, as soon as all his affairs, due to some circumstances beyond his control, come in order, he begins to feel vague anxiety: it means that now the worst will come - and he prefers to immediately destroy everything.

So, unfulfilled cases appear in the diary, debts to the bank grow, and relations with a partner are approaching a divorce. "Saboteurs" rarely create strong families and build good careers. In the famous “marshmallow test of four-year-olds” at Columbia University, it is they who eat the sweetness right away - the very idea of ​​\u200b\u200bpostponed and doubled in connection with this benefit is not from their picture of the world, it contradicts everything they life experience: delayed gratification never happens.

happiness is far away

Usually, " saboteurs"- people with a disorganized type of attachment, claims American psychologist Nancy McWilliams, that is, a close partner for them is a source of joy and anxiety at the same time: they both “stick” to their halves and “bite” them, not sure that they can trust them. Any attempt by a loved one to somehow declare his displeasure in a relationship with at least something is immediately perceived as a rejection and leads to an explosion of uncontrollable emotions.

Proximity is one of the most frightening things for "saboteurs".

That is why they make the best TROLLS”, that is, masters of obsessive and not quite smart jokes, jokes of interlocutors, provocations, scandals.

If they have enough restraint not to make fun of others, they are always full of self-irony: if you believe their words, they trolls a la naturel- terrible, bow-legged and stupid, and even the breath stinks of onions. This approach reduces the level life guidelines — « Well, who will take me for a good job / marriage, etc.". “This irony is not his own,” says psychology professor Leon Seltzer. This person simply memorizes all the words that he heard from his parents: “ You are stupid / ugly / awkward and so on».

And this is one of the indicators of the deepest internal conflict a child with a parent to whom he at one time really wanted to prove the opposite, but could not. Usually the feeling own inferiority is not smoothed out by any victories - a person will still consciously or subconsciously organize for himself evidence of parental rightness. And every failure will only confirm: mom or dad were right in their time.

The main problem " saboteurs"- to do, on the one hand, everything to become "good" for everyone, on the other hand, to understand the unattainability of the goal.

This leads to a constant game called by Eric Berne " downtrodden housewife": trying to play all the roles at the same time," saboteur"Already at the moment of understanding the impossibility of this mission, he takes on another task, which becomes the very feather that breaks the camel's back. Say "I can't, I can't" people like that— is simply unrealistic: the refusal to conquer the next peak means a voluntary renunciation of the probable reward. And even realizing that he agrees to an impossible task, " saboteur”until the last, he does not admit that he is not able to solve it. He must get his portion of "whipping"!

Operation "Search and Defuse"

“Sometime in your childhood you suffered a lot from the fact that your parents did not notice you, and you may have said to yourself something like “it would be better if I didn’t exist at all,” says Leon Seltzer. Or, even worse, your mother told you this in the hearts when her nerves gave out. You dropped it and forgot it, but on a subconscious level, you launched a program of self-destruction that you no longer control.” That is why “saboteurs” have so many injuries - a person easily gives up own body as a "retreat" fate. More specifically, an internal time bomb.

In every act self-sabotage there is a struggle between two aspirations - to realize and not to realize what was planned. And if the second wins, you need to ask yourself the question: why do I need this? Marina Aksenova leads classic example with a “diet that doesn’t start”: “In any case, it’s good to first fantasize what life will be like when everything happens: the girl has lost weight, has become more attractive, young people are paying attention to her ... and here it turns out that this is exactly what she no need! She is afraid of this attention and men as such, as well as relationships with them. Her fullness helps her stay safe, away from any partnership."

The main friend of self-sabotage is a sense of security that we are painfully afraid of losing.

And since any achievement is associated with the loss of the usual stability and soft straw under your favorite places, it is not given to everyone - it is much calmer to remain a manager on a small salary, a plump gray mouse, a lonely old maid, or just look at your comrades riding on skiing, from the cafe window for a glass of mulled wine.

Ecology of knowledge. Psychology: The expression "your main adversary- you yourself "today even the directors of Hollywood blockbusters do not allow themselves, but because of the beaten down it has not become less true for most of us. Few people have ever behaved destructively, contrary to common sense and personal interests. There are many ways to self-sabotage. Why do we really need it and how to deal with it?

The expression “your main opponent is yourself” today is no longer allowed even by the directors of Hollywood blockbusters, but from being beaten it has not become less true for most of us. Few people have ever behaved destructively, contrary to common sense and personal interests. Saying obvious nonsense close person, play a new video game the night before an exam, forget to set an alarm before important meeting There are many ways to self-sabotage. Why do we really need it and how to deal with it?

Where does it come from

In 1978 two psychologists from Harvard University, Steven Berglas and Edward Jones, conducted an experiment. Students were given tests, half of which consisted of questions that could only be answered at random, others were designed so that final grade completely dependent on the knowledge of the students. After passing the test, the participants were told that everyone had passed, but the test would have to be taken again. Before that, however, you need to take, to choose from, one of the pills: improving or worsening cognitive abilities (both, of course, were placebo). As a result, the "braking" pill was taken exclusively by men from the group in which the answers had to be given at random. They didn't know what made them successful the first time around, and they didn't want it to be their personal failure if they failed - it's much nicer to blame it on a pill.

This is what the first study on self-sabotage looked like. And common understanding little has changed since then. The process is considered self-sabotage., during which failures are externalized (that is, explained external factors), and successes are internalized (that is, they are considered to be achieved due to personal qualities).

As with most others psychological states, most often “sabotage” is learned in childhood. For example, a child who is told that asking for toys and sweets is "selfish" stops asking for them - and in childhood his strategy can be considered winning: he adapts to the requirements of the people on whom he depends. But when the same person, already in adulthood, cannot express what he wants, this can become a serious problem.

A significant risk group is children who are accustomed to excessive care, who have learned that even if nothing is done at all (for example, from homework), over time, the controlling parent will discover this, and he will take the solution of the problem into his own hands.

In addition to “sabotaging” behavior, children also easily learn adult patterns of behavior - and a parent with similar fear coping mechanisms has a good chance of raising a “saboteur” child.

However, self-sabotage can be "infected" in adulthood. Traumatic experiences tend to cause people to avoid the slightest allusion to the traumatic situation, even if objectively current situation completely safe. A variety of phobias and feelings of inferiority also become the basis for self-sabotage. Awareness of your insignificance can be a reason to “get sick” before an important interview, and accidentally spilling a cup of coffee on yourself is an excellent reason to refuse to go to visit if you have social phobia.

And, finally, self-sabotage is directly related to a variety of addictions (from smoking and alcoholism to shopaholism and gambling addiction). As a rule, they are used to reduce stress levels - and really allow you to get distracted, while preventing you from achieving what you really want in the meantime. Avoiding achieving your own goals, it turns out, is not the only negative effect of self-sabotage. "Pay" for it, according to research results, you also have to bad mood, a decrease in subjectively perceived own competence, a drop in motivation and new addictions.

Whole head

A couple of years ago, a group of Japanese scientists decided to find out what changes can be observed in the brains of people who are more prone to self-sabotage than others. About a hundred Japanese students completed a special questionnaire that revealed the propensity for this strategy, and then scientists used the method of voxel-based morphometry (a technique for studying the anatomy of the brain). Their main discovery was that the tendency to self-sabotage is determined by only one area of ​​the brain - the subgenual cingulate gyrus (it is also called "Brodmann's field 25") - it is she who is considered an "important depot" for the delivery of serotonin to other areas of the brain, including the hypothalamus and the brain stem , controlling sleep and appetite, amygdala and insula, affecting anxiety and mood, hippocampus, playing important role in the formation of memory and some areas of the frontal cortex responsible for self-esteem.

Other studies in this area have demonstrated the relationship between self-sabotage and the loss of a sense of self, exposure to outside influences, increased irritability, fatigue and depersonalization (when one’s actions are perceived from the outside, and it feels impossible to control them). In addition, men are more prone to self-sabotage than women, and women are more likely to "sabotage" after some kind of failure, when the motivation to continue to move towards the goal drops.

Find and neutralize

Self-sabotage is not always easy to recognize and can take many forms. Here are perhaps the most popular of them:

perfectionism. If something doesn’t work out perfectly, completely perfect, it’s better to quit in the middle and take on something new.

care depending- overeating, smoking and alcoholism, computer and gambling etc. - also convenient way get away from your own goals.

Unrealistic self-assessment. Taking on many projects at the same time, some of them can simply be overlooked, or not in time, or, say, “burn out and break loose”.

Causing, knowingly or not, harm to health: the main thing is to get sick so that it becomes absolutely impossible to fulfill the necessary.

Overconfidence- rejection necessary assistance, consent to take on something unambiguously overwhelming - also, in general, effective ways fail what you really want to fail.

procrastination- where without it.

Of course, this list can be expanded: there are a lot of ways not to do something that you really don’t want to do. But how can you still get to a consciously chosen goal, ceasing to sabotage it? Here is a list of tips from Dr. Margaret Paul, Ph.D., columnist for the Huffington Post:

Notice your judgments about yourself. They are often the cause of sabotage. Finding the very judgment that slows you down, ask yourself if it really corresponds to reality. Most often negative ratings themselves originate in childhood and do not pass into adulthood critical revision.

Analyze the way you define your own value. How valuable you are is judged by how you take care of yourself and the people who matter to you, rather than by the results of your actions.

Consciously view mistakes and failures as essential steps on the path to success (and not as a method of evaluating self-importance). Recognize that it's okay to be wrong sometimes. Get out of the dips valuable information: what else you need to know and what to learn.

Be mindful of your feelings and kind to yourself. If you are determined to support yourself in case of failure, rather than condemning yourself, you are more likely to be ready to try the next step.

Be prepared to lose the other person rather than yourself. You will not be afraid of rejection or absorption if you are honest with yourself and do what is important and necessary for you - even if the people important to you do not like it.

And, most importantly, it is worth remembering that self-sabotage is not something that should be dealt with by default. Sometimes it is useful to listen to your unwillingness to do something.published

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Most of us consider happiness to be the highest reward in life. We fight fiercely for it, and however fleeting it may be, we rejoice in it. However, very often we are also quite successful in destroying this hard-won state of harmony.

How? think about unhealthy relationships that we support, oh abandoned classes, about inaccessible purposes the goals we set for ourselves and the heartfelt aspirations we never follow,” suggests psychotherapist Nick Baileys, author of The Simplest Guide to Happiness.

He thinks it's inexplicable self-destructive behavior is caused by either difficult childhood, or a teenage view of the world. Maybe because of an overly critical attitude of one of the parents, we felt unloved, a harsh teacher made us feel our own insignificance, and next to a purposeful friend, we feel eternally second.

In adulthood, having barely reached a certain level of happiness, we begin to sabotage our lives, striving to return to the familiar childhood soil, no matter how uncomfortable and unhappy we feel on it.

Obviously, finding a way out of this destructive vicious circle is not easy. We can get rid of deeply rooted mechanisms of self-destructive behavior, only if we can recognize them. Three psychologists show us possible ways to liberation.

1. Think constructively

“The other day I decided to take my kids out for a picnic with a friend who lives next door, while I stayed at home,” says Karina, a 43-year-old divorced mother of two. - I wanted to be alone, but, having remained at home in silence, I immediately began to be tormented. After a few minutes, I began to think about how fat, nervous, what terrible hair I have.

Karina admits that her thoughts went even further very quickly. “I got pissed off about not having enough time to go to the gym and started thinking about how it would be easier for me if I had a partner.” She then asked herself: And who needs me? I'm ugly and blurry. Maybe I should have overlooked the love affairs of my ex-husband maybe he was right when he criticized me for not wanting to be a housewife and not taking care of myself. I kept replaying in my head negative thoughts about my appearance."

Just at the moment when Karina felt completely upset and alone, her small children burst into the house with a roar. “My daughter rushed to me and wanted to hug me, but I was so turned on that I pushed her away and told her not to make such a noise. Of course it's me immediately felt guilty and heartless and fell into complete despair because of what I am bad mother. And I felt longing for my ex-husband.

Why are we doing this?

Clinical psychologist Sharona Rawat explains that many of us violate our own peace of mind, constantly thinking about past events, endlessly scrolling through bad memories in my head. “We need to understand and comprehend what happened in our lives in order to find the right place for these memories in our minds,” explains the psychologist. - Conflicts, missing information and contradictions leave gaps in our knowledge and as a result lead to internal discord and discomfort.

Sharona Rawat adds that trying to ease these unsettling feelings sets off a cycle of useless rumination. “Unfortunately, this process leads to extreme stress and anxiety, which in turn further complicates the decision-making process.”

Scrolling through the already known failures and failures in my head, we come to negative and initially wrong conclusions which in turn can undermine our self-respect and give rise to self-doubt. "It leads us to believe that the thoughts 'I'm unattractive' and 'I'm a bad mother' are real facts; it makes us unhappy and distorts our future decisions.”

What can be done about it?

“It is quite natural to strive for harmony,” the psychologist is sure. “Endless thinking begins when we cannot reach balance.” She insists that one should think constructively.

1. Be aware that you are experiencing discomfort. or internal discord associated with certain past thoughts and actions.

2. Try to formulate a statement which most clearly describes the essence of the event or experience. Write it down.

3. Think about the reasons by which you believe the written statement is correct.

4. Consider each reason separately. Try to carefully and objectively evaluate how these reasons seem right to you.

5. In each individual case forgive yourself for the role you in him were playing(if it was negative). Forgive other people for what they have done, and make amends to the people you have harmed.

6. Make thus obtained information as part of your new, more balanced perception developments.

2. Realize that you can not be a victim

Linda, 32, is having an affair with a bossy and critical older man who can also be very caring and loving. She put up with him for two years. constant pressure, however, in recent times this situation began to irritate her.

Every time she notices that a man is criticizing her again, he makes fun of her and says something like: “But you know that I love you?” or "Don't be such a child." She has nothing to counter his words (they are absolutely correct), besides, she is financially dependent on her friend and therefore patiently endures his dismissive remarks.

Linda feels that she has no way to change the situation, although she understands that his statements gradually destroy her trust, happiness and self-respect. Despite the fact that outwardly everything is fine with them, inside she feels dissatisfaction more and more.

Why are we doing this?

Clinical psychologist Sonia Snyman says that those who cannot cope with their life circumstances develops a victim mentality. “When you feel powerless, realize that you have no control over your life, or relationships are out of your control, you begin to feel like a victim,” she explains.

Victims feel that something is constantly happening to them, and instead of admitting their responsibility for it, blame their misfortunes on circumstances, events, or other people.

“This state often arises from a deep insecurity and a strong need for recognition,” explains the psychologist. “Victims behave according to what they think others expect of them. They feel dissatisfied, because outwardly dependent and submissive, but internally outraged by what is happening.

What can we do about it?

It is necessary to recognize two important truths. First, we may feel empowered in some situations and feel like a victim in others. Second: feeling like a victim is very comfortable. This allows us not to take responsibility for our behavior or our feelings.

1. In what situations do you feel like a victim? Does it have to do with your past experience or with a sense of your own inadequacy?

2. Why do you feel like a victim? Does this happen because Are you afraid of destroying the status quo? Or do you not imagine any other behavior? Perhaps you do not want to realize the true ugliness of your position?

3. Think what would you like to feel And how would you like to behave?

4. Mentally rehearse your new "improved" behavior. If you feel like a victim, analyze this feeling and say: "I will not be a victim." Remind yourself that you can do something and change the situation for the better.

3. Become kinder to yourself

Julia, 38, works as a secretary. She would like to resume her studies, which she left when she was pregnant with her first child, but considers herself "too old" and "not smart enough" to do so. She feels that her marriage is preserved by inertia, and rarely communicates with both her husband's colleagues, considering them "snobs", and with her colleagues, since these are "not the kind of people with whom I would like to communicate."

She stopped asking her husband to help her around the house, because, according to her, he never wants to do this and does everything carelessly. Despite Julia's best efforts to keep her children on track with their homework, they have "very average" grades in school and have not been successful in sports either. She feels that they could do better, but they are simply lazy, and she constantly expresses her fear that they will never achieve anything. Julia often thinks that her life unfolds exactly as her father predicted, saying that she has "very modest potential".

Julia talks about himself in supercritical terms: "I'm stupid. Nobody loves me. I have not achieved anything in my life. My children have bad genes. Everyone else looks happy and successful. My marriage failed."

Why are we doing this?

“If a parent, teacher or guardian constantly criticizes us, then we begin to consider these statements as unshakable truths,” explains clinical psychologist Rolen Khovsha. For example, if we are told that we are not very smart, then any achievement we achieve will be perceived as luck or an accident, or we will think that someone somewhere has made a mistake. " We are constantly looking for and receiving evidence of this negative view from others. and ignore everything positive,” explains the psychologist.

People with low self-esteem are often overly are meticulous not only to themselves, but also to others. Ironically, we often choose partners that only strengthen our self-esteem. For example, Julia, who has not achieved anything in life, may have found a successful husband precisely because he needed a partner who would not overshadow him in professional field. Julia describes her acquaintances as "snobs" or "not good enough" for her. Often this leads to increased isolation.

“Overcritical people often constantly compare themselves to others and find fault with them,” adds Rolen Hovsha. “Besides, people like Julia often see everything in black and white: “If I’m not perfect, then I’m worthless,” or “I forgot her birthday, then I’m reckless selfish.” They usually exaggerate their mistakes and fears and at the same time minimize their positive qualities».

What can we do about it?

It is important to understand what negative information we regularly communicate to ourselves. To do this, you should start keeping a diary and write down your thoughts in it. negative feelings as soon as we notice them.

1. Every time when you catch yourself making negative judgments about yourself, loudly tell yourself "stop". You can also imagine road sign"stop" or red traffic light.

2. After that, try replace this idea with a more neutral one. Instead of saying, "I'm fat and ugly," think, "I've put on six kilos and I don't like the way I look, but I'm determined to make a difference."

3. Learn to be kind to yourself. Think of someone you respect and love a lot. Could you ever tell him, "You're stupid"? Why are you saying this to yourself?

4. Mark in your statements the words “should”, “should”, “I must”. Try to replace them with "I would like" or "I don't want".

5. Learn and challenge the negative "truths" you have agreed with since childhood. Ask yourself: " Where is the evidence that this applies to me? Where is the evidence to the contrary?

6. Analyze your own perception in order to make sure you don't twist what others say, especially if it seems to you that you are treated badly, rejected.

7. Remember that change doesn't happen instantly. If you need support and help, seek professional advice from a psychologist.

We dream big, set grandiose goals, but in reality the results are not at all impressive. Most importantly, we know how to get what we want, but for some reason we don't do it. Familiar situation? Psychologists even gave her special term- "self-sabotage". Successful personalities are subject to him, and not so much. Good news is that we can influence this phenomenon and wrap it in our favor. It is enough to understand where the legs grow from and what to do with it.

The origins of the phenomenon

It seems that nothing foreshadowed trouble: you stubbornly conquer peaks, have a strategy for success, and stop halfway. Or you do things that are contrary to a favorable outcome. For example, if you want to develop own business, invest in knowledge, build "bridges", and then bam - decide that you will not pull this burden. The result - your incoherent actions ruin a good idea in the bud.

Or a job search: send out hundreds of resumes in the hope of finding a worthwhile position. You visit, go through multi-level tests, but when you get your dream job, you can turn on the reverse.

There are dozens of such examples. One thing unites them: we ourselves become an obstacle to success. Or rather, our unconscious. By internal reasons we refuse necessary action, we can not resist ourselves when it is really necessary.

We engage in self-deception, ignore strategically important tasks for the sake of momentary entertainment, we do not expect much from life. Examples of such responses:
"I'll manage small";
“I’ll call my friend, and then I’ll get down to business”;
"I still have time";
“five more minutes and I’ll get started”;
“First I sleep, then I start work”
"I'll do it tomorrow";
“what I have is enough for me” and many other options.

Why are we doing this?

In fact, nature fits into two large layers of causes: physical and psychological. With the first, everything is more or less clear. Here, the inner rebellion has a rather defensive position and is successfully “cured” by restoration of strength. Detailed study and attention are required psychological reasons. They are the root of evil. The most common is the fear of failure, back side success, lack of self-confidence, lack of information, self-flagellation… Perhaps self-sabotage is beneficial to you. Yes, yes, do not be surprised, it also happens when we expect sympathy and pity from others.

What to do?

For successful resolution cases, you need to bring an unconscious internal protest "to clean water”, understand its causes and deal with their elimination. Reconsider your views on the following things:

judgments about oneself
Almost all of us carry labels attached to us in childhood. Often they have nothing to do with reality, but their influence is very strong. What can I say: as adults, we wear them "on the machine", without even trying to get to the bottom of it. Review negative judgments about your personality and replace them positive language;

mistakes and failures are normal
We want as soon as possible, and we shift all the mistakes on ourselves. Here, they say, what a bungler or loser. It's actually okay to make mistakes, so don't beat yourself up every chance you get. Better get out of the situation useful lesson or understand what knowledge and skills you lack.

Special attention to alarm bells
If you start to “deflate” (you make less and less effort, there are other desires to the detriment of the priorities), then it’s time to pause. Of course, we also need rest during the day. But think about it, are these the first signs of self-sabotage? It is much easier to prevent it than to disentangle the adverse consequences.

formulate your goals
Or review the existing ones. Do your aspirations come from the heart? Maybe they are imposed by the environment? Are you guided by the concept, because “it is necessary”, “it is prestigious”? They only have the ability to give strength for their implementation. Everything else is a fruitless attempt to succeed.

direct the energy inward
Often we are hindered by the fear of looking stupid in the eyes of others. We care more about the impression we make on strangers. Although it would be more correct to look inside yourself, pay attention to the development professional qualities. Here lies a significant motivation for growth and development.

No one is immune from mistakes and failures, even if he chooses the right target and accurately calculate the trajectory of success. In any business there is a big risk. But if you dare to meet a possible failure, gaining new knowledge and skills, you will gain much more. Along with disappointments, triumph can await you. This is undoubtedly more than the likelihood of never knowing about their true abilities.