Vanity is the desire for empty (vain) glory. This is one of the great shortcomings of a person, which spoils life very much, is the cause of problems. The most important thing is that a person suffering from vanity does not understand and is not aware of this. Most often, creative, talented, public people have this shortcoming.

They try to be successful in all areas of their lives, to take a higher step in career ladder, look great in the eyes of others, occupy high position in society. Such people suffer from a thirst for popularity and fame (most often undeserved), their ambitions go beyond all limits. It is vital for them to be admired, praised and glorified. Vanity is fertile ground for cultivating pride to incredible proportions.

Manifestations of vanity, its pros and cons

The advantages of vanity include the fact that in some cases it becomes an assistant and an engine for many human achievements, it becomes Starting point for some useful undertakings (beginning of studies, mastering a profession, defending a dissertation, etc.).

One of huge cons this human deficiency- this is what a person who is in the power of vanity tries only for himself. He needs achievements as a means to gain recognition from people, an opportunity to distinguish himself from others, to be proud of himself.

A person infected with vanity is useless to society. It has no purpose - to benefit people. If a vain person gets something useful, then in the end he still turns it in his favor.

A vain person is useless, both for society and for himself. Pride, vanity do not cause an emotional response in the souls of the people around. They may envy, even admire, but they do not show sincere feelings for the proud.

Signs of a vain person

He does not perceive criticism and reacts aggressively to it, even if it is true and the critic wishes the good of a conceited person.

He gladly accepts any kind of flattery and does not stop the flatterer, but, on the contrary, revels in his imaginary glory.

A vain person talks a lot but does little. Spins all events around itself. His words and promises are at odds with deeds.

1. As a rule, vanity comes hand in hand with any success. Do not let him turn your head, listen to criticism from people worthy of respect (teachers, leaders, etc.). Constructive criticism will help get rid of excessive pride and help you see shortcomings and weak spots in your achievements, which need to be improved, over which you need to work.

2. If you still have a desire for fame, then be sure to determine what it should be, from whom you seek recognition (authoritative people in this field of activity), for what achievements (deeds and their fruits).

3. Be aware of the consequences of vanity and keep them in front of your eyes. Vanity always leads to disappointments, falls, because a person does not perceive his weaknesses, relaxes, loses touch with reality, adequacy. Deception grows around such a person like a snowball, useless hangers-on appear, because adequate people unpleasant to be in such a society. Most often, vanity is followed by idleness, laziness, irresponsibility, and behind them - disappointments, failures. And as a result - the fall of man in the eyes of society. This must always be remembered.

4. Replace vanity and idle talk specific cases leading to the goal. Direct all your attention, energy to achieve a certain result, and you will win the fight against pride and vanity.

5. Think carefully about your motives for achieving the goal. Remember that they must be noble, worthy of respect. This will allow you to keep clear conscience, self-respect, moral satisfaction.

Every self-respecting person, unlike a conceited one, does not require glorification of his deeds, does not reward himself for any achievements, calmly listens to criticism and accepts the opinion of his teachers, authoritative people, mentors. worthy person does not revel in flattery and sweet deceit. On the contrary, the criticism of experts in this field of activity is important to him, he needs to be aware of his shortcomings.

Vain people get satisfaction from flattery, empty glory. And worthy, self-respecting people - from achieved result, from the very process of achieving goals, from the benefits that the fruits of his labor bring.

The content of the article:

Vanity is a feeling of fame, recognition and arrogance of a person without visible reasons. The root of this problem lies in the distortion of self-esteem in order to create a certain image that can somehow help to feel better. AT pure form vanity means sweet self-deception, arrogance, pride, which does not lead to anything good and only repels other people.

The impact of vanity on life

Vanity is a lie to oneself that revolves around self-esteem and is fueled by self-praise and flattery. Naturally, such a person is not able to correctly assess the level of his capabilities, because vanity increases the number of positive qualities and elevates him to a new pedestal. This normal desire to be recognized and the pursuit of praise often exhausts a person internally. And after this it is very difficult to find an inner balance.

Inadequate self-esteem distorts the perception of a person by others and exposes a braggart. Usually in such cases close people and friends are lost. Pride exalts a person as much as possible over others and makes him higher only in his mind. Outwardly, it looks like he thinks too much of himself and, of course, does not inspire confidence in the rest.

Vanity excludes the possibility sober look for life. A person is unable to understand the feelings of others and correctly assess the situation. Problems arise in the family due to misunderstandings. A vain layman will demand too much from others that he himself does not deserve. He expects calling, praise and honor for his deeds, which, in fact, are worth nothing of the kind.

The vanity of a woman turns her husband away from her, who begins to consider his wife too arrogant. She loses her friends by demanding constant praise from them and speaking negatively about them. Such a woman is convinced of her own superiority and does not doubt it at all. Moreover, she persistently tries to achieve recognition from the people around her, while not being too polite to them.

The problem of such a person is in self-esteem, which is not motivated by anything, but is tritely overestimated due to internal conflict and unresolved personal problems. Children eventually stop treating vain mothers the way they demand, and family conflict is growing. Naturally, any relationship deteriorates in the future, because no one will recognize the cult of an undeserved personality.

Vain men very often turn their women into submissive followers of their indiscreet persona. Such a person will choose the most meek and quiet girl who will constantly confirm and support his “pseudo title”. If the family will develop, then only on the basis of the indispensable reverence for the man in the family and respect for his conceited ego. The husband will build any relationship around himself and his person, overshadowing all the merits of his wife and children.

Inflated self-esteem and the constant demand for recognition from loved ones will slowly destroy family relationships, which will immediately lead to a completely expected collapse. The situation with children in the family will be the same as in the case of a woman. Vanity encourages you to put yourself above any interests of other family members. That is why mutual understanding in such families is completely absent.

The main reasons for the development of vanity

Vanity is always the result of an internal conflict, a split in the perception of oneself. A person mixes the real with the desired and believes what he likes best. The split occurs due to a traumatic situation or prolonged exposure to an unfavorable climate, for example, education in dysfunctional family.

Vanity is considered as a variant of distorted compensation by the psyche of missing feelings. But getting stuck on feeling them acute shortage, a person loses the opportunity to soberly assess the situation. Sometimes this feeling develops due to the long-term maintenance of a false image. artificial way.

Arrogance can arise from the fact that a person was treated unnecessarily kindly, praising and exaggerating his achievements, although, in fact, there was no reason for this. Unfortunately, both options happen quite often, but depending on different situations may take on slightly different shades.

Perhaps the reason lies in childhood. Difficult relationships with parents or relatives who allowed themselves to insult the child and belittle his dignity can quite realistically influence the formation of an unhealthy psyche of the child.

Constant belittling causes a feeling of lack certain emotions that accompany pride, recognition. After all, every person sincerely wants to be recognized or hear praise. Those children who have never heard it turn simple words value and take it for themselves. It's like a way to make up for the damage done in childhood. A person who has been humiliated creates an aura of pride and recognition around himself, literally demanding honor from others.

Arrogance manifests itself in every situation and acts as defensive reaction. Sometimes this is a way to prove to yourself that the parents were wrong and the person is really worth something. In any case, the compensatory reaction goes far beyond that primary family conflict, and the layman learns to live with pride, takes it for granted.

Often a person's arrogance develops after a difficult school year. Whatever the adults, children can sometimes be very cruel. School years accompanied by intensive development of the child's psyche. Bullying by peers, public humiliation can cause serious harm to the still unformed horizons, including self-esteem. Furthermore, transitional age with characteristic hormonal surges enhances the effect and can even lead to negative consequences.

These events, in fact, cause a split in personality and some change in one's ego. A compensatory response develops in the form of high self-esteem. A person creates an image and reputation for himself, which will not be tarnished, and is very worried about it. He begins to perceive himself as much higher than he really is.

Most often, vanity develops as a result of poor education. No, for this it is not necessary to scold the child or humiliate, it is quite enough to let him behave as he wants. The absence of an established framework of behavior and prohibitions forms a pathological permissiveness.

Over time, such a person begins to get used to the fact that everyone will treat him the same way as his parents, more and more confidently convinced of his own superiority. Self-esteem grows with the child over the years, without denying himself anything, an image of his own unsurpassedness and perfection is formed. High requirements to society and arrogant conceit bring up a vain conceit.

The main signs of vanity in a person

Finding a vain person in communication is quite simple. They usually give themselves away due to their high conceit and look down on the interlocutor. First of all, he talks about his merits and superiority, focuses on his own qualities, slightly embellishing his achievements and qualities.

In a conversation, he tries either to dominate and carry on a conversation, or to cast a condescending or even contemptuous glance over the interlocutor. The thread of the conversation is constantly trying to draw into a familiar topic, to tell about himself. He never asks about others and has little interest in the affairs of the interlocutor.

Of course, all of the above is typical for an extreme degree of vanity, but some similar signs are easy to notice in your acquaintances and friends. Vanity is manifested by the characteristic centralization of conversations. Such a person uses any occasion and topic to tell everyone about a new event in his life, an achievement that is not really very important.

Actualizes insignificant events and tries to become the center of attention, transfers the conversation from others to himself. With all this, internal vanity makes you feel uncomfortable if pride is hurt or someone else is in the center of the conversation.

Vanity sometimes does not allow you to do some simple things that are characteristic of people, for example, to apologize, to ask for something. These are ordinary concepts, but it is very difficult for a conceited person to stoop to them. To do this, you need to lower the pride scale indicator and “go down” to simple requests or apologies. Signs of this condition may include an inability to deal with people with tact, an insistence on one's own way, and a lack of flexibility in life situations.

At work, such people often succeed, but also fly by because of their pride. A person is very proud of his place and values ​​it above all else. Vain bosses love flattery and praise, praising such in time, you can even get a substantial bonus or promotion. But, having heard not too pleasant reviews about yourself, everything changes: the anger of vanity is a rather unpleasant thing, and it is better not to face it.

How to overcome vanity

Vanity, after all internal conflict and needs to be addressed from within. Only by finding the root of the problem, you can permanently get rid of this unpleasant quality. Naturally, the ideal solution for this task would be a timely appeal to a specialist - a psychologist or psychotherapist. With the help of several sessions of cognitive-behavioral therapy, you can correct self-esteem and put right priorities on the life path.

For men, the importance of the question of how to deal with vanity is rarely raised. It is quite difficult to hurt their pride and shake it to such a level that they begin to doubt the veracity of their ideas.

But still, some of them, who notice this not too pleasant quality in themselves, want to get rid of it as soon as possible. This means that the first stage of the reassessment has already begun and there is minimal criticism of own feelings.

Women struggle with vanity much harder than men. They have a stronger feeling dignity and pride that motivates social attitudes. How to get rid of vanity will be interesting only to the woman to whom it has already caused a lot of problems and makes it difficult social adaptation. Only then will she begin to look for means and ways to deal with this condition.

For both sexes, it is important to realize the value of one's own person, to critically assess one's abilities and capabilities, or, in other words, to be honest with oneself. The latter is the most difficult for people who have been deceiving themselves all their lives and showing themselves to be better than they really are.

It is necessary to appreciate and accept the importance of other people, learn to respect their rights and dignity, recognize the best sides and share the opinions of others. You need to understand your role in a large mechanism and accept it, be able to appreciate the importance of others, be able to recognize your mistakes and shortcomings.

Ideal people does not happen, everyone can find a flaw in himself that characterizes him as a person, and people tend to make mistakes. It must be remembered that admitting one's shortcomings is the greatest courage, which is far from being subject to everyone. To overcome an internal conflict, it is necessary, first of all, to pacify your own pride, taking the first steps towards success.

How to get rid of vanity - look at the video:

The power of man is far from material goods, achievements or competitions. They will forever remain only memories and pictures from memory. The real value is the people who are there, no matter what, those who will remain when there is nothing left. One must be able to distinguish inner self-respect and strength of mind from vile vanity, which drags envy, pride and loneliness into the abyss.

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"It's hard to be humble when you're as big as me," said boxing legend Muhammad Ali. And few will argue with a brilliant athlete. However, turning up your nose is not best strategy in a world where success is fleeting and unsteady, like a house made of sand.

“A lot of useful things can be gained by bowing your head and kneeling from time to time,” these words from the novel “Shadow of the Mountain” by Gregory David Roberts perfectly capture the essence of what to do if vanity slowly launches its claws into our lives.

Why is vanity harmful and why is it worth making an effort to get rid of it? Why shouldn't the imaginary crown become too heavy?

In this article, we will offer several actionable advice about how to eliminate excessive pride in their achievements.

What is vanity

God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

Sources suggest various definitions.

To put it simply, vanity is the desire for "vain glory", the need for universal reverence, the desire to boast and flaunt one's achievements, real or imaginary.

Vain people need to constantly confirm their superiority over others, they love flattery and other manifestations of admiration for their own person.

Often this trait is combined with such character traits as vulnerability, envy, irascibility, inability to accept criticism - even objective.

Share the victory

It helps a lot to bring down arrogance from oneself with the realization of the fact that very rarely we achieve something on our own, without someone's help, at least indirectly.

• Managed to get a prestigious job with high salary? The chances would be much less if the parents did not pay for their studies at a good university in due time.
• Proud of another promotion? Fine - but perhaps this is partly the merit of his beloved uncle, who several years ago recommended a young and inexperienced student to his boss.
• Is the grass on the lawn near a private house the most beautiful and well-groomed on the entire street? But the lawn mower has to be borrowed from a neighbor.
• Can't stop admiring our unearthly beauty? So there is no merit in this at all - thanks to God and dad and mom.
• Did your son finish school with a gold medal? But it was he who pored over textbooks at night, while his parents snored in unison in the bedroom.

When you think about it, almost every achievement we're proud of has had someone else's hand in it.

The willingness to acknowledge this and share success with those who helped bring about victory is a great help in the fight against vanity.

Be a pragmatist

Fighting vanity is not only ethically correct, but also practical. The fact is that when we are satisfied with ourselves, proud of our results and decide to rest on our laurels, we calm down. And this is a direct path to degradation - taking off too high and admiring the height of your own flight, it is very easy to lose control and lose everything you deserve with hard work.

In order to develop, you must always be a little dissatisfied with yourself, critically evaluate achievements, not be lazy to set new standards and achieve them.

To be hungry, not to allow a state of absolute satiety. Nothing so discourages and demotivates as laziness, a feeling of prosperity and a “glass ceiling”, when it seems that there is nothing more to strive for.

In addition, vanity makes us biased in relation to ourselves - we lose the ability to assess our weaknesses and become more vulnerable.

Of course, this is not about not giving yourself a second of respite. Rest is necessary - to avoid emotional and physical burnout, since any victory should be a joy. This can be compared to climbing high mountain: from time to time you need to make a halt, make tea, sit quietly, looking with satisfaction at the path already traveled. And when the strength returns, keep going.

If you only do what to stand on a halt with your nose up high, new heights will remain unconquered. More precisely, someone else will reach them - less arrogant and more hardworking. And wave his hand up and down.

Remember Faith

Vanity is not welcomed by most religions of the world. Christianity is no exception.

In Orthodoxy, vanity is numbered among eight sinful passions, in Catholicism, pride is included in the list of seven deadly sins, the manifestation of which is vanity.

And the venerable Optina Elder Leo called vanity “a poison that kills the fruits and the most mature virtues.”

Make a comparison

Highly effective method take off the tight crown - compare your own successes with someone else's. For example, someone began to look down on people because of their own impressive salary. Let him imagine the emotions on the face of Bill Gates, the richest man on the planet, whose fortune is estimated at $ 75 billion, if you announce your monthly income to him. It won't be admirable.

No matter how impressive our achievements are, there will always be someone who easily wipes our nose.

You need to remember this every time you want to take a picture of your proud winner profile and put it in a frame: everything is relative in our world.

accept criticism

No matter how painful it may be.

To become better, we must learn to accept criticism from people whose opinion is authoritative for us.

Of course, it means constructive criticism- in fact. Knowing your weaknesses though unpleasant, but in the end it gives a serious advantage.

Take an example

Many great people have suffered from vanity, and if you look closely at their examples, it becomes obvious that this did not bring anything good either to themselves or to the people around them. Their desire to achieve greatness and convince the whole world of their unsurpassedness secured their place in history, but did they make them happy? This will forever remain a secret.

To become less conceited, it is useful to recall examples of people who do not suffer from this serious illness - star disease. There are many such among our predecessors and contemporaries.

• Mother Teresa selflessly helped people, not striving to become a star, and yet, in a sense, she became one - a real symbol of kindness and compassion, an example to follow for many peoples and generations.
• Hollywood actor Keanu Reeves, a world-famous star, whom, after The Matrix, he doesn’t know except perhaps ... But who doesn’t know him at all? So, this actor, millionaire, philanthropist easily rides the subway, lives in an ordinary apartment, and one day, arriving at a club for a party in honor of the film with him in leading role, waited in line to enter inside along with ordinary visitors, standing in the rain, because the club staff did not recognize him.

And there are many such examples. It's perfect different people, but they have one thing in common: the lack of ambition to prove to the whole world that they are the best. They just do their job, and society notices their work. This makes them even more respectful.

It so happens that vanity is the engine of many achievements in life and can even sometimes launch very useful undertakings for life. For example, thanks to ambitious messages, a person can begin to study, master a profession, defend dissertations, etc.

However, there are several points in vanity that do not allow you to speak positively about him, despite even some advantages. If a person does something driven by vanity, then he tries first of all for himself, all achievements are needed not as an end in itself, but as a means. To be proud of yourself, to distinguish yourself from others, to receive a calling. This means that the business itself, started with such a promise, will be in best case useless (after all, there is no purpose to benefit anyone) or even harmful.

No need to look far, the example of the Second World War shows how the desire for superiority can have devastating consequences. But this is a global example, and each individual person, which has vanity, is realized differently in the surrounding world.

In this sense, a person is rather useless for society, he just has a different goal. If he does something useful, then, in the end, he turns it to his own advantage.

However, it can also be said that a vain person is useless to himself. Alas, vanity, the desire to distinguish oneself and be proud of oneself does not bring sincere love surrounding. People can admire, envy such a person at most, but a conceited person is not able to get a lively emotional response, since his message does not concern this area from the very beginning. As a result, our proud man can get the desired benefits, success, but no more.

How Vanity Disguises

Not every person, with all his striving, achieves fame, fame and success. Such. There are much more of those who dream about it, most often without even realizing it, but in real life do not achieve what they intended.

That's when a person has the opposite of vanity - a feeling of infringement. There is a feeling that others did not appreciate that more could be achieved in life and a feeling of dissatisfaction. Usually such a person often dreams, but if it had turned out differently, if I had been lucky, I would ... And sometimes the feeling of infringement becomes permanent emotional background. What is it, if not back side vanity? After all, if not for it, then where would the feeling of infringement come from, there would be no bar in relation to which it would arise.

So there are a lot more really conceited people than it seems at first glance.

How to go beyond the boundaries of vanity

Many people who dreamed of fame and success in life are quite satisfied with their fate. They achieved, if not everything they dreamed of, then at least, part of the desired, and do not want to change anything in their lives. Which, of course, they have every right to.

But what about those who have realized that vanity has its drawbacks, perhaps fed up, wants to go beyond its limits and establish other relationships with people? After all, there are other options for interacting with others, based on greater respect, sincere participation and getting deep genuine satisfaction from their activities.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to give specific and unambiguous advice here. Everyone has their own way of gaining experience in this world. can only be described general directions in which a person's thinking changes. First, they begin to recognize not only their own value and importance, but also the fact that any person is also valuable and important. And secondly, the emphasis is shifted from one's personal benefit, achievements and success to the benefit that is really possible to bring to others.

If a person's worldview changes in these directions, then vanity naturally decreases.

Spiritual charm arises from pride, and pride from vanity. Explanatory dictionaries say this about vanity:

New explanatory and derivational dictionary of the Russian language. Author T. F. Efremova.

vanity cf. Unjustified arrogance, arrogance, desire to be an object of reverence.

Explanatory Dictionary, ed. S. I. Ozhegova and N. Yu. Shvedova

vanity, -i, cf. An arrogant desire for glory, for veneration. Someone is obsessed with vanity.

Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language, ed. D. N. Ushakova

vanity, vanity, pl. no, cf. (book). Empty arrogance, arrogance, the desire to be the subject of glory, reverence. Unreasonable vanity.

Dictionary of synonyms N. Abramov

Pride vanity, swagger, pride, touchiness, ambition, arrogance, conceit; arrogance, arrogance, arrogance. To bring down (knock down) arrogance from someone. "Oh, I'll give him fat!" Gog. national pride- chauvinism. "Throw your fanaberies. Go to the police officer, try to get along with his wife, express yourself more restrainedly, warmer." Salt. Wed Dignity, Resentment and Swagger. Prot. Humility, Humility. Pride considers merit; arrogance is based on arrogance; arrogance - on lust for power; arrogance is the pride of the mind; swagger - the pride of the nobility, wealth, vanity - vanity, a passion for praise, arrogance - stupid complacency, putting dignity, rank, external insignia, wealth, high family, and so on. (Dal).

This is how Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov writes about vanity:

Vanity- the search for human glory, boasting. Desire and search for earthly and vain honors. love beautiful clothes, carriages, servants and cell items. Attention to the beauty of your face, the pleasantness of your voice and other qualities of the body.

Disposition to the perishing sciences and arts of this age, the search to succeed in them in order to acquire temporary, earthly glory.

Shame to confess your sins. Self-justification. Contradiction. Compiling your mind. Hypocrisy. Lie. Flattery. Humanity. Envy. Humiliation of the neighbor. Change of temper. Pretense. Unscrupulousness. The temper and life are demonic.