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Our world is actively developing and improving, and, it would seem, in modern society people can express themselves without fear and in any way show their inner freedom, but still, a single woman over 40 still causes pity in the majority and a heightened desire to help her find a mate. And no matter how much she tries to prove to her relatives, friends, acquaintances and just the first people she meets, that loneliness is her conscious choice no one will believe her. Of course, everyone will nod their heads in the affirmative and pretend that this is how it should be, but their thoughts will be something like this: “Poor thing, she is so lonely and unhappy, she has no man and a reliable shoulder, and time is ticking and the clock is ticking ... Doesn't she understand this?"

It is not worth paying attention to people who feel sorry for you and constantly repeat that without a couple a woman cannot be complete. The problem lies in how a woman interprets her loneliness, and what emotions this state gives her. There are women in their forties who are comfortable without a partner. They don’t even want to think about connecting their lives with a man and spending their time developing these relationships. Others simply convinced themselves that they were fine without a second half. However, in fact, they constantly suffer and wake up every morning with the hope that this long-awaited meeting with a handsome prince (or even a king) will happen today, which will change their lives in better side once and forever. The psychology of a woman's loneliness is a very subtle and rather veiled matter, which, of course, we will now try to understand at least a little.

Causes of female loneliness

German psychologists note with alarm that every year there are more and more single women over 40 years old. This happens due to factors such as:

• an unsuccessful marriage that ended in divorce;
• death of a beloved spouse. A woman thinks that a relationship with a new man is a betrayal of the deceased;
• lack of any experience. If a woman has never been married, then over time the desire to change her social status starts to disappear
• permanent employment.

Previously, men aspired to personal freedom and were not in a hurry to go to the registry office. Now the situation is changing dramatically, and this trend will not only continue in the future, but will also actively develop. American experts claim that today the psychology of a single woman has been formed, and they are already beginning to be alarmed.

Why do forty-year-old women do not want to enter into a relationship?

The most common reasons

• desire for self-realization. It's no secret that relationships with a man take a lot of time and effort. A woman who decides to get married loses some part of herself, because now she has to think not about her desires, but about making her husband or partner feel comfortable with her;
• lack of desire to meet new people. By the age of forty, every woman already has a certain social circle, and not everyone wants to expand it. In addition, every year to get acquainted with strangers getting harder;
• striving for career growth. Before a modern woman who decides to pursue her career, sooner or later a dilemma arises: family or work. It is possible to combine these two classes, but it is very difficult. In the end, someone will still be dissatisfied: either the boss, or the husband and children;
• unwillingness to take part in the work on relationships. Once the famous actor Brad Pitt said this: “Relationships are not only flowers and gifts, it is a colossal work without days off and holidays, for which, by the way, they are not paid at all.” And indeed it is! Getting to know the guy you like, exchanging phone numbers with him and going on a few dates is one thing, but building a healthy, strong and promising relationship that will satisfy partners is completely different. Not every woman has the desire to do this;
• negative experience. It often happens that a woman who has unsuccessfully married and survived a divorce deliberately puts an end to her personal life, because she believes that good, decent, generous and caring men simply do not exist;
• children. Almost 35% of women over 40 who are raising their own daughters and sons do not want to start a relationship with a new man, because they believe that he will not be able to replace their children own father or will treat them badly;
• financial independence and personal freedom. Three out of ten adult women with a well-formed character, a well-paid job and an established lifestyle do not want to limit their freedom and account for financial expenses to a potential spouse, etc.

These and many other reasons clearly demonstrate that modern women do not want to limit their freedom and depend on men emotionally or financially. Although a woman may constantly feel lonely, she still prefers not to change her status so as not to experience the inconvenience in a relationship that every couple has sooner or later. However, it is worth noting that the psychology of female loneliness works more in the negative than in in a positive way. It's no secret to anyone that social connections play out in a person's life one of key roles, and loneliness negatively affects the psychological (for example, lack of moral support) and physical (lack of intimate life) health.

Psychology of female loneliness: why do women not want relationships?

Single for 40 years - is it normal or not? Modern women very different from their great-grandmothers, who lived a hundred or more years ago. If earlier a twenty-year-old unmarried girl was considered an "old maid", today you can find a mate even at fifty. Society as a whole has become more tolerant of this, however, individuals may continue to point a finger at an adult woman without a husband and consider her inferior.

Why are the representatives of the fair sex in no hurry to start relationships and create a new unit of society? The thing is that, choosing loneliness, you do not need to:

• adapt to a man and change your usual way of life. At 40, it is very difficult to do this, and not always a woman has such a desire;
• account for their actions and explain this or that act. Of course meet New Year together or spending time on the shores of the warm sea together is very tempting, but the holidays quickly end and weekdays begin, where every day you have to not only adapt to your partner, but also report to him. Many women believe that the negative of a relationship is much greater than the positive;
• miss opportunities that may appear at any moment. As long as a woman is not in a relationship, she feels free and can flirt with all the guys she likes, give out her phone number and wait for a miracle. The same applies to work, because, for example, a free employee can easily leave for another city to get a promotion or work almost seven days a week, while a woman related, you will have to reckon with the opinion of your other half;
• open up to a man and show him your weak sides. Each person has his own complexes and problems, which, when starting a serious relationship, you have to show your partner. Not all girls are ready for this, because they believe that a man, having learned about something like this, will no longer want to see her and will simply leave;
• be afraid of the future. Romantic relationships are always a risk, because you never know what will come of it. The psychology of a single woman is this: she believes that it is much easier not to start a relationship at all than to constantly worry about the future and experience negative emotions on this occasion.

Is it worth changing?

Is it worth changing your way of life for the sake of a new relationship? A definite answer to this important question unfortunately does not exist. It all depends on the woman herself. You just need to answer honestly to yourself, prioritize correctly and either not start a new relationship at all, or tune in to positive tone and still try to do it. If a woman feels comfortable alone, lives full life and does not consider himself deprived of fate, then there is no point in starting a relationship and violating your lifestyle. However, it should be noted that only in a relationship can both a man and a woman reveal their potential to one hundred percent, so it’s still worth at least trying to find the other half.

Those women who dream of meeting a man and starting a family with him should understand that relationships are, first of all, comfort and coziness. There is no need to rush from one extreme to another and be with the first partner you come across just because society dictates this way or parents have been hinting for years that they want to babysit their grandchildren. This is your life and you are responsible for all the consequences, so you should not be led by circumstances. If you decide to get rid of the psychology of a single woman, find your other half and start living a full life, then you need to:

• understand yourself and your internal problems that prevent you from having a relationship with a man;
• take full responsibility for your actions and stop worrying about what society, parents, married friends, colleagues, etc. will think. You live for yourself, not for them!
• tune in a positive way and stop worrying about loneliness. You should not give up on yourself and think that something is wrong with you, because you cannot find a worthy partner. Tell yourself that you deserve only the best and finally believe in it!
• forget about failures as soon as possible and negative experience. What you had is already in the past, but there is no road there. Learn from past mistakes, draw appropriate conclusions, let go of negative emotions and believe in what lies ahead for you. new life, which depends only on you;
• Do not be afraid to meet in the most unexpected places. Who said that decent women don't meet on the streets? AT modern world all conventions have lost their meaning, so you can and even need to get acquainted on the streets! If this is too radical for you, then you can create an account on some dating site and try to find a life partner there.

Unfortunately, women in their 40s very often forget one very important thing. important truth: "Love yourself, and then others will love you." It would seem a banal thing, which is not worth mentioning, but not all adult women can say without a twinge of conscience that they love themselves. Men feel insecure and lack of self-love on a subconscious level. Popular actress Jennifer Aniston once said: "Getting rid of loneliness and love for a man and children begins with love for yourself." And indeed it is! A woman who loves herself knows what she needs and how to achieve it! She, without violating her own inner harmony, establishes a relationship with worthy man, who treats her with love and respect, and is in no hurry to connect his fate with the first comer. Self-love and inner peace will help get rid of loneliness and make you look at yourself and the world around you in a completely different way!

Everyone famous history: beautiful, smart, but no man. And what to do with it is completely incomprehensible. The Astro7 expert decided to look into the problem.

If you are a woman, you can conduct such an experiment. Register a profile on any popular dating site and hang one photo (your own or even someone else's). In a week you will have up to 1000 proposals from men. You don’t even have time to say “hello” to each of them.
However, you are unlikely to want to date these men. Despite the abundance of offers, you will continue to hang on this site and wait for the weather by the sea. At the same time, it doesn’t matter at all what you look like - thin or full, young or mature, beautiful or not very. Women are looking for - and for some reason remain lonely, like men.

History of female loneliness

Let's start digging up the problem of female loneliness from the most banal - children's and adolescent attitudes given by parents. These attitudes have two extremes: the first sounds like this: "you will only marry a prince." And the second is its complete opposite: “the main thing is to get a man, no matter what, because a woman without a man is like a cow without milk.” The young girl wraps it around her pigtail and thinks logically: “A prince is still better than some slurred man.” And since it’s the 21st century, the parameters of the prince are growing every year along with technical progress. Of course, a village prince is not a city prince: it is enough for him to have a mare with a tinted cart and a two-story hayloft, plus drink a little less than twice a day. Well, if our heroine is the star of a metropolis, then it is clear that she is less than married to a new Lexus and a diamond necklace. Starting the search for her soul mate, the girl, gradually becoming a woman, gradually returning from heaven to earth. Through trial and error, she learns that reality is harsh, and by the age of 30 she has a couple of divorces behind her back, three children and a one-room apartment somehow sued from the last "prince". The heroine understands that it was necessary to immediately acquire a simple man At least he didn't quit so quickly. What should she do now? Who will look at her now (with a bunch of children to boot)? Another popular mistake that a girl makes in her youth - and most often she does it by force - is to quickly marry her first (at least second) love. The goal is to separate from parents, and achieving it through marriage does not seem like a mistake. But the young family will soon fall apart: the young husband is not ready for responsibility, and he no longer needs marriage (usually due to a sudden pregnancy). Female loneliness overtakes a girl sometimes under the age of 20 years - with a child in her arms.

Psychological origins of loneliness

Finally, there are several psychological answers to the question "why are girls single." 1. Inferiority complex It doesn't matter if it's a plus or a minus. "I'm ugly - I'm too beautiful", "I'm very tall - I'm very small", "I'm too fat - I'm too thin" - and so on. At the same time, a girl can be completely normal and not even have real physical differences from others; 2. Internal feminization. A woman convinces herself that she must be a strong and self-sufficient careerist. The male sex is either despised or used for selfish purposes. This also includes the fear of sex or relationships in general; 3. Heightened Importance motherhood. The tendency to "give birth for yourself" plus prejudice to abortion plus sexual immaturity (that there is contraception, the girl learns at the 9th month of pregnancy) - all these are water flows to the mill of female loneliness. A child, as it were, replaces everything for a woman - and the meaning of life lies in it. A woman does not immediately think about the fact that it would be nice to arrange her personal life, and it is harmful for a child to grow up without a father. The question “How to get rid of loneliness?”, in fact, needs to be rephrased. Because in modern reality it sounds different and rather sad: “How to remain a woman, no matter what?”.

How to stay a woman?

And for starters - a warning so as not to fall into the traps described above. The first moment: to try to solve the issue of childbearing on your own. The girl will have a hard time: at an age when children can appear from any careless relationship, she will have to clearly decide for herself whether she is planning a child right now or not. And decide BEFORE, not AFTER. It is clear that not everyone can cope with this, so there is only one way: carry condoms with you and ask your beloved, dear and only man to use them. This is the simplest solution to the huge problem of young people's immaturity, irresponsibility sudden families and an incredible number of single mothers.

On Internet resources psychological orientation and in magazines for women most of materials is devoted to the topic of finding and choosing a partner for a serious relationship, and search engines the query "how to find a guy" gives more than a million results - articles and materials with tips designed to help the fair sex meet their love. Yes, and when viewing topics on any popular women's forum, one gets the impression that many girls are lonely and only dream of how to find a partner for a serious relationship. But why are so many girls lonely? And is loneliness and difficulty in finding a soul mate really a problem exclusively for the fair sex, huh?

What do the statistics say?

When asked why many girls are single, most ordinary people will answer with a phrase from a famous song that says that “for 10 girls, according to statistics, there are 9 guys,” which means that there are simply not enough guys for everyone. Meanwhile, official statistics have long refuted the previously widespread opinion that there are fewer young men than women, because an analysis of data from maternity hospitals shows that boys are always born slightly more than girls. For example, in Russia, the CIS countries and Europe, the ratio of male and female infants is approximately 106 to 100, and in China and other birth control countries, 15-25% more boys are born than girls.

Further, if we consider total men and women in our country, it turns out that there are more representatives of the fair sex, since average duration The life expectancy of the male population is more than 10 years shorter than that of the female population. However, if we analyze the number of men and women in different age groups population, it turns out that in the group under 30 there are more men, and only after this age, because of the representatives of the stronger sex, there are more women. In highly developed countries, the age line, beyond which the number of women begins to prevail over the number of men, is even further. Therefore, statistics unambiguously say that the reason for the loneliness of young women is not at all in a small number of men, because in fact there are more guys than girls.

In favor of the fact that girls have more choice than guys, the fact that young women are more likely to enter into relationships with older men, which means that in theory any girl can choose a companion for herself, not only in her age category but also among older men. Young guys, on the other hand, relatively rarely build relationships with women older than themselves, which means that their choice is limited only to the circle of their peers.

What does psychology say?

Based on the fact that the reason for the loneliness of many girls is not the lack of potential candidates for lovers, we can conclude that the matter is in the girls themselves, or rather, in the peculiarities of their psychology. In our society, there is still a strong stereotype that every girl should dream of a lover and a family with him from childhood, and at the age of 18-20 start building a romantic relationship with a man. To girls who, at the age of 22-23, do not yet have any experience love relationship, many people (especially representatives of the older generation) treat with pity or bewilderment, and especially tactless ones - they begin to criticize and give advice, . That is why young girls who have not been able to find a guy before the age of 20/22/25, because of the imposed stereotypes and under the pressure of society, often become depressed and turn the search for a partner into the only goal of their lives.

And there can be many reasons why these searches are not crowned with success, however, as practice shows, they are all connected exclusively with the psychology of the girl herself. Contrary to popular belief, neither appearance, nor physique, nor social status, nor any other external factors, not even character traits can be a hindrance to relationships with the opposite sex. To be convinced of this, it is enough just to go out into the street or go to any entertainment venue and look at couples in love: for sure, among women who have a boyfriend / husband, there will be ladies with overweight, and girls with the appearance of a "gray mouse", and women with a restrained demeanor, and uninhibited madam ...

According to psychologists, There are only 4 main reasons why many girls are single. These reasons are as follows:

1. 
   Subconscious reluctance to have relationships with the opposite sex. A lot of single girls who verbally dream of love and a prince, in fact, on a subconscious level, do not want or are even afraid of relationships with men, and therefore all their behavior and actions are aimed at preventing acquaintance or the development of a romance with someone or. As a rule, such girls either had an experience of traumatic relationships with a man in the past and had not yet had time to “lick their wounds” after, or in childhood they saw an example of an unhappy parental family, where the father constantly upset the mother, or were brought up by a single mother who instructed her daughter in the spirit of " all men need only one thing" and "all men - to ...". And under the influence of these circumstances, in the subconscious of the girl, there was an attitude that a man would definitely deceive, take advantage, hurt and make unhappy, which means that men should be avoided.
2. Low self-esteem. The reason for the loneliness of such girls lies in the presence in them of a harmful attitude “I am bad, therefore I am not worthy of love.” This attitude itself completely rejects the possibility of a love relationship, since the girl inspired herself that other people do not treat her as an equal and cannot love her. With her behavior, she repels both men and potential friends from herself, because no one likes people who are prone to constant self-discipline and despondency. And even if a guy really likes such a girl and he decides to "save" her with his love and care, he is unlikely to succeed - an insecure lady simply cannot believe in the sincerity of his words and actions.
3. 
   Lack of initiative. In this case, everything is fine with the girl’s self-esteem, and sincerely there is a desire to meet her love, however, according to the lady herself, her “prince” still has not been able to find and win her. Such girls, as a rule, were brought up from childhood on fairy tales about brave princes rescuing enchanted princesses, and on mother's notations about. In the process of growing up, in the minds of these girls, there was an attitude that any initiative on the part of a woman is unacceptable, since men are hunters by nature, and will love and appreciate only that representative of the fair sex, which they had to achieve for a long time. But in fact, most men have enough difficulties and worries in professional activity, and from a relationship with a woman, they want to get a sense of calm, need, trust and love. Therefore, few men will spend months trying to melt their hearts. snow queen”- rather, he will perceive her lack of initiative not as modesty and feminine dignity, but as a lack of interest in himself and go looking for a more interested lady.
4. Inappropriate requirements. Girls who make unnecessarily high demands on their chosen ones, as a rule, are introverts who, in adolescence romantic books and movies have replaced socializing with peers. These young women sincerely believe in the existence of romance novels. perfect man destined by fate, and faithfully await it. All representatives of the stronger sex surrounding such girls or trying to make acquaintance with them are rejected by them for the slightest flaw or inconsistency with the invented image. And since ideal people it doesn’t happen, such girls run the risk of remaining single indefinitely.

It is these reasons, and not at all appearance, profession, place of residence or lack of men that do not allow single girls to find their love. Therefore, in order to make acquaintance and build happy relationship with a good guy, young women should increase self-esteem, in harmful attitudes, recognize their right to take the initiative when communicating with a man they like and accept the fact that ideal people do not exist.

According to statistics, about 30% of women living in major cities have either never been married or are divorced. Logically, such a sad trend can be explained by the fact that the female population almost everywhere exceeds the male population. In principle, this explanation looks quite plausible, if not for one interesting paradox. You probably noticed that some women who, at first glance, do not have bright external data, a special sense of humor or significant wealth are never alone. They successfully marry, having time to spin novels along the way and drive the surrounding representatives of the stronger sex crazy. And, on the contrary, there is a separate category of girls and women who long time they cannot not only acquire the status of a legal wife, but even start at least some kind of stable relationship. And this despite the fact that they seem quite attractive, smart, interesting and self-sufficient.

In this regard, the only conclusion can be drawn: loneliness is an unconscious choice of the woman herself. And, as a rule, it is preceded by the 10 most common reasons:

1. Past relationships

Many of us tend to idealize our past relationships, especially if they were filled with genuine feeling for a period of time. An unconscious desire to renew a relationship with a former young man provokes your stiffness and closeness before new novels. Men, communicating with you, will feel your lack of freedom, because of which they will not even have the thought of continuing. There is only one way to get rid of this problem: you must close your past in the same way as you close a read or boring book. You should understand that while you are looking back, you are separating yourself from a happy life.

2. Unattainable image

You know that nature has made men hunters and too accessible women bore them. Therefore, you diligently play the role of a fleeing prey, whose attention must be won in all possible and impossible ways. That's just men do not like to make efforts in vain. For your potential partner to want to pursue you, he must feel your interest in him. This does not mean that you should forget about the rules of decency and take the initiative yourself. Just try to be yourself. Show feelings when appropriate, praise the man and subtly emphasize your interest.

3. Search for the ideal

Many women who have lived all their lives in solitude have refused their admirers only because they did not fully meet their ideas about the ideal partner. Having devoted their lives to searching, in the end, they, like in a fairy tale, were left with nothing. And all this because no one real person will not be able to match the imagined image. According to psychologists, most often this problem occurs in women who have grown up without paternal attention. Not having real example family relations, they had to draw necessary knowledge in books and films, where, as you know, everything is more beautiful than in life. If you are also unsuccessfully looking for your ideal, which is still not found, try to accept the people around you as they are, including their shortcomings. Be less demanding of men, because they, as well as we, cannot consist only of virtues.

4. Past disappointments

It is difficult to find an adult woman whose past would not have been overshadowed by universal tragedy, the pain of disappointment and resentment against the once beloved man. Love troubles burn out our feelings for a while and forever leave a mark on our souls. However, these situations cannot be projected onto new relationships. If one man betrayed you, this does not mean that subsequent partners will do the same. If you fail to draw conclusions and let go of the situation, you will radiate incredulity and suspicion, which will not add to your attractiveness in the eyes of potential lovers.

5. Fear of losing freedom

You have been successful in your career and financial well-being. You enjoy spending weekends in beauty salons, travel or entertainment events. At the same time, the thought of a serious relationship is associated with household duties and the loss of independence. Maybe you're just not ready yet. family life or maybe you are a victim of stereotypes. If you don't start serious relationship just because you are afraid of losing your freedom, reconsider your views on the example of happy couples. As a rule, if the partners are like-minded, none of them lose their independence, they just become independent together.

6. Disappointment in men

The men with whom you started a relationship did not live up to your expectations. All of them were not reliable enough, purposeful, attentive and smart, which is why you think that men cannot be trusted in principle. However, look around. Without a doubt, there are men in your environment whose behavior and actions command respect. Perhaps the fact that you have been attracting the wrong partners into your life for a long time is the result of mistakes in your behavior? If you allow this thought, try to figure out what exactly you did wrong, and immediately get rid of it. If you row all representatives of the opposite sex “one size fits all”, they will feel your distrust and neglect and will prefer to leave, because no one wants to be guilty without guilt.

7. It's not time yet

You plan to arrange your personal life, but only after you find best job, lose weight, pay off a car loan or move to another city. However, different plans superimposed on each other, and you still think that the right time for a serious relationship has not yet come. And this will continue until you understand that relationships are not a task that can be entered into an organizer and completed in a strictly certain date. To break the vicious cycle of loneliness, simply take the time to rest and relax. And, of course, do not put off love "for later."

8. Inflated self-esteem

Your parents firmly planted in your head the idea that you deserve only the best. However, the best is the enemy of the good. If all the men you meet seem to you not smart enough, beautiful, wealthy and well-mannered, think maybe you are pushing too high requirements towards your partner? Assessing all men from above own self-esteem and chasing an unattainable standard, you risk missing a person who could become a reliable life partner.

9. The belief that a man himself must find you

You are lonely, but do not try to fight your loneliness, because you believe that fate will find you itself. However, fate cannot find you because you are closed to it. In order for men to pay attention to you, you must become noticeable. If you live according to the hackneyed scheme: "work-home-meeting with girlfriends", the chances that you will find the man of your dreams will gradually be reduced to zero. There is only one way to help yourself overcome loneliness - start living a full life: visit entertainment venues, meet online, respond to strangers' flirtations. Instead of just waiting, fill the wait with action.

10. You want to get married too much

You have reached the point where freedom and independence turn into a heavy burden of loneliness, which weighs more and more on your shoulders every day. Getting acquainted with a man, you already imagine your joint happy future and are sincerely surprised when your potential husband evaporates, as if he never existed. Your problem is that the desire to find a serious relationship is perceived by men as an obsession that can deprive them of their freedom. Try to pull yourself together and do not rush things. A man should see your slight interest, but at the first stages of a relationship, he should not understand that you dream of becoming his wife.

No matter how hard loneliness is, it is almost always a natural consequence of our behavior. Most often this is due to incorrect subconscious attitudes, which can be overcome only by analyzing own actions and deeds. Sometimes all it takes to be happy is to believe that you deserve happiness.