At all times, society has imposed its standards on a person, which the majority considers the only true ones. However, there are often those who swim against the current, acting in a non-trivial way. Such people are called "white crows". Often they keep apart and do not seek to establish close contacts with society. But what about the "white crow" who wants to become "their own"?
New life of the white crow
"White crows" often live outside of society. As a rule, such people manifest themselves in childhood. It is difficult for a child who is different from the rest to be part of a team, to study in a class with ordinary people. There are difficulties in communication, mutual misunderstanding. A similar situation is familiar to freshman Alexandra:
“When I was in school, I felt uncomfortable among my classmates. No, I was in no way mocked or mocked, I was an ordinary child. Just topics for conversation of my peers, their hobbies seemed uninteresting and banal to me. Sometimes I even told myself that I should communicate with my class, forced myself to at least pretend that we really have some kind of common ground.
Another first-year student, Daria, had a similar problem while studying at school:
« Find mutual language It was very difficult for me with my classmates. We were too different. I literally wanted to fall into the ground from one of their contemptuous glances in my direction. Call from last lesson was for me like a stone from the soul.
Fortunately for our heroines, you can’t study at school forever. The girls have gone through USE tests and the hardships of admission and became students high school economy. Going to university always means new stage in life. You meet people with similar interests and goals in life to yours (it’s not for nothing that you entered the same specialty). Often, yesterday's "white crows" begin to pay attention to the new environment and even try to show interest in it. However, it is sometimes very difficult to overcome the prejudices built up over the years.
« At first, I could not get rid of the distrust of the new classmates,- says Dasha, - could exchange a few words with two or three girls, and then went home, ignoring joint leisure groups."
"White crows" are not interested in noisy companies. As a rule, such people are melancholic introverts. However, the classification by psychotypes sometimes does not withstand the philistine approach to the issue: sometimes it all depends on human environment environment. How can a "white crow" find a common language with others? Coping with a similar situation, the girls gave some advice.
All over again
Two stories of heroines are united by one important detail. Both girls found themselves in a new environment, where they built a social circle from scratch . If someone hasn't appreciated your individuality, or if you don't feel the desire to get closer to others, why not try your luck with other people? Nowadays, there are many clubs of interest, where you can easily find like-minded people. Each person is able to find an environment for himself where he will feel “at ease”. In a new social circle, you can start everything "with clean slate and take the role in the team that you choose yourself.
The main thing - do not be afraid to change your environment and do not hesitate to communicate more with new people. After all, the new team has not yet formed a clear opinion about you, which means when, if not now, can you create an idea about yourself?
Step forward
White crows have a non-trivial mind, which also often coexists with egocentrism. Or such people themselves from childhood get used to their status and lose the ability to overcome their complexes and prejudices. Getting out of your comfort zone is getting real important milestone socialization for "white crows".
“To be honest, going to the first introductory training for freshmen, I sincerely believed that I would behave the way I once did in school, Sasha says, but how delighted I was with my group! I immediately wanted to be friends with them. And soon I caught myself thinking that the wall, which I had fenced for many years, was crumbling. I began not to miss a single event with the group, to spend as much time as possible with new friends. Gradually, I myself did not notice how I met and became close to guys from other faculties. Now I'm trying to calculate and I understand that my social circle has grown by about three times.
Acceptance of society as it is
Often "white crows" themselves refuse to accept "others". It is difficult for them to accept as a norm that each of us has our own values and interests. Own categoricalness becomes a serious obstacle for the "white crows" on the way to establishing contact with society.
“It seemed almost barbaric to me that most of my classmates, for example, did not read any Bulgakov's works, - says Dasha, - It is still a mystery to me what you can talk about with such people. By the way, psychologists confirm: "white crows" are often book lovers and read literally avidly.
You should not reject the opinion of people if it does not coincide with yours. If you really want to find a common language with others, learn to listen and take into account their words. Goodwill and openness will in no way detract from your uniqueness, but will make you nice person in the eyes of society.
Your environment is your teachers
It is pleasant for everyone to feel the interest from the other person, and if you try to learn more about the hobbies and preferences of others, this will surely win society over to you.
In addition, you yourself will learn a lot about what was not previously in your area of interest, and maybe even find a new hobby.
Your individuality is your advantage
This banal advice is the best suited for such situations. A person is valued primarily for his uniqueness, and in no case should you adapt to those around you.
“Of course, while studying, one cannot completely isolate oneself from society,- Dasha completes her story, - and with my classmates, despite the initial distrust, I tried to be friendly and nice. I love to cook, and it has become a real pleasure for me to treat those who are tired of "Doshirak" in the hostel. Fortunately, I have found that new acquaintances can keep up the conversation on many topics of interest to me, and often we have exciting discussions in which I am not shy about expressing my opinion. And I am very pleased that they listen to me and hear me. There was no trace of the former distrust, and I gladly overcame my fear.
Being a black sheep is by no means a punishment for a person. On the contrary, it is a wonderful feature. Learn to take advantage of your difference from others, and it will become your undeniable advantage.
Text: Olya Zhabokritskaya
Illustrations: Alexandra Daniel
If you find a typo, highlight it and click Shift+Enter or to inform us.
Life in society is complex and unpredictable. And if society does not accept a person, then he can become a black sheep. And who are these old crows? How not to become a representative of this category of people? And what to do if it was still not possible to avoid such a fate?
Who are white crows?
In nature, a white crow is called an albino crow. Albinism is an anomaly, so birds and animals suffering from this disease are considered special and quite rare. If a person is called a white crow, then they probably mean his difference from everyone.
He stands out from the crowd, is not like everyone else, and often experiences difficulties with socialization, social adaptation and interaction with society. Being a black sheep is not easy, but you can still learn to live a full and varied life. And if you follow some rules, then you can avoid such a fate altogether.
Why do people become them?
The reasons why a person can become a black sheep can be varied. We list the most basic:
- Talents and extraordinary abilities. Yes, often the talented and capable people or geniuses, such as scientists, writers, poets, composers and other gifted representatives of mankind. The rest of the people perceive geniuses as crazy. Yes, capable people can behave differently than everyone else. In addition, they often achieve much greater success than everyone else. And this cannot but irritate the majority, which begins to distance itself in every possible way from talented person and even prove its inferiority.
- Practically any person who gets into a formed team with well-established interpersonal relationships and strict hierarchy. A beginner is perceived as an extra and completely unnecessary link, so he often becomes a real outcast, and through no fault of his own.
- Some young people and teenagers are trying in every possible way to stand out from the crowd and identify their life position. You can do it different ways: using outrageous behavior, extravagant appearance, bright clothes and other methods and means. Most people tend to follow generally accepted rules and norms, so they perceive any deviations from them as something strange, incomprehensible and abnormal. That is why representatives of various subcultures often become black sheep, for example, goths, hippies, emo, punks and others.
- Unusual appearance. A black sheep may well be a person who has an impressive or, conversely, short stature, unusual facial features and others distinctive features. In this case, practically nothing depends on the person himself, because, in fact, nature itself did everything for him.
- Obvious defects or deviations, such as different length limbs or the absence of one of them, lameness, strabismus, unusual skin color, and so on. The situation is initially aggravated by the fact that the person himself feels inferior and tries to avoid attention and avoids people, even if they show sympathy.
- Most likely, a child from a poor family will have a hard time in a team. Unfortunately, today the position in society and the attitude of others depend on material well-being. And if adults can understand the poor, sympathize and even help him, then children will make fun of poverty in every possible way.
How to be like everyone else?
How not to become a white crow? Some useful tips:
- If you start working in a team, then try to immediately join it. Communicate more with colleagues, accept Active participation in public life, do not hesitate to ask for help and help whoever asks for it. But you should not turn into an annoying fly, impose yourself and suck up, otherwise they will speak unflattering words about you. Communication with unpleasant people it is better to limit, it is superfluous. Try not to take part in gossip and intrigues, but in discussions related to the work process and organizational issues, actively participate.
- You can try to immediately find a friend or at least a friend. This is not easy to do, but it is still possible. If you notice that one of your colleagues is happy to communicate with you and shows interest or sympathy for you, support such communication. But to be friends for the sake of support or against someone (this often happens in women's teams) should not, nothing good will come of it.
- If you are a loner in life, and the company of others is extremely unpleasant for you, in no case show it. You can work independently and separately from everyone, but do not forget to calmly and casually tell your colleagues about it. Just say that you are used to immersing yourself in the process with your head and do not react to anyone or anything during work. Adequate people they will understand you and will not try to force you to take part in collective decision tasks. And yet sometimes it is necessary, so you have to step over yourself.
- If you have any special abilities and talents, do not show them right away and even more so do not talk about them with pride to everyone and everyone. You will be perceived as an upstart, and you will absolutely become an outcast.
- Do not act provocatively, it will definitely turn against you. Observe generally accepted rules behavior and moral standards, and people will treat you like an ordinary person.
- Once in the team, immediately find out and study the rules in force in it and begin to follow them, this will allow you to quickly join.
- Observe the people around you to understand how best to behave. Analyze actions and situations, draw conclusions.
- If you are closed and shy person then fight it. Communicate more with people (even strangers), visit busy places, look for new acquaintances. In general, deal with your shortcomings.
- Try to turn your extraordinary abilities into virtues. For example, if you are a poet, then write a poem for each colleague. If you are an artist, give everyone portraits. This will help to win over those around you and arouse their sympathy.
- Don't be afraid to communicate. Actually unusual people attract, because it is interesting to communicate with them. And if you can open up to others, you will probably find friends and even admirers and admirers. And some will probably try to imitate you.
How to be?
What to do if you are already a black sheep? There are several ways to solve the problem:
- Find like-minded people. You can join a club or find a thematic forum on the Internet. You will be able to communicate with others extraordinary people, you will not change yourself and experience discomfort because of your unusualness.
- Enjoy! If you like to attract attention, then just enjoy it, because you probably do not lack it. Some try to emphasize their unusual qualities, thereby shocking society, and get real pleasure from it. And you don't have to worry about what others think of you.
- It is not easy for a white crow to find a job. But you can turn your unique abilities or even defects into virtues and start making money on it. For example, you can create a video blog and talk about yourself and your amazing life. If you are tall, you can become a model or a basketball player. If growth, on the contrary, is small, then think about the same as you. Open a clothing store with a twist for short girls. Also, be natural in interviews. Many successful businessmen and employers value individuality, creative approach and unusual thinking.
- Try to get used to your status and just put up with it. Understand that nature made you the way you are. Appreciate your individuality and love yourself!
And remember that the white crow is not a stigma, but a bright feature!
Whether we like it or not, work takes up a significant portion of our time and conscious life generally. And, therefore, it is also important with what mood and well-being we stay there. The lack of full-fledged contact with colleagues, not to mention conflicts or intrigues, is a serious test for an employee. Why is the worker in isolation?
Social inequality. AT broad sense any significant difference can play a negative role: a very young employee runs the risk of not fitting into mature team, the problems of a wealthy worker will be absolutely alien to his less wealthy colleagues, and a highly intelligent team will look down on the "ignoramus".
Lack of common interests. Enthusiastic fanatics are not familiar with this problem: even in the absence of any interests that the whole team shares, they always have a favorite job that will take all the time and even a little more. And if you are not a workaholic and want to communicate on topics other than work? It may turn out that Friendly team fans of "Forumula 1" will get an avid theatergoer who does not distinguish Vettel from Hamilton, and his joy from the new performance will be out of place.
Thirst for originality. With psychological point of vision, in a person two are constantly fighting opposite desires: to be accepted and be yourself - to remain special without blending in with others. The desire to stand out can play bad joke: designer jewelry over the uniform, "heavy" perfume in daytime, isolation or, conversely, excessive sociability can signal to colleagues: "he is a stranger, he is not with us."
What to do?
Remember that with your charter they don’t go to someone else’s monastery, and apply a number of simple rules.
Talk less, work more. Look around carefully and do not rush to express an authoritative opinion on each issue: firstly, no one has canceled the obligation to work at the workplace, and secondly, there is a risk of violating the unwritten rules of the team.
"Build Bridges". Do not remain silent, try the exact opposite approach.
Alexander Epstein
business coach, manager creative association"A culture of speech"
Communicate, communicate and communicate again! All difficulties and conflicts in teams are due to the inability to build communications. One prefers to keep silent all the time, the other does not know how to behave when faced with injections or manipulations in his address, the third is not able to maintain a conversation or tell funny story during the break.
Of course, there is no magic pill in this matter, communication is a real skill that is developed through intensive training. One of the steps: I recommend reading Eric Byrne's book "Games People Play", there you will find some answers to the causes of conflicts in communication. Try to build equal-level and complementary communication with colleagues. What is it and how to achieve it? E.Burn has the answer.
Mimic. Once you understand the unspoken rules of the work environment, you will have to stick to them. If colleagues love team building or after-work gatherings in a bar, you should not immediately announce that your personal time is sacred, and you are used to having lunch alone, so you won’t go anywhere with them. It is especially important to keep general rules on the corporate events and .
Assess the potential. As you know, geniuses usually do not have a glorious character and special benevolence, and therefore are usually doomed to loneliness. Before you decisively reject colleagues with their incomprehensible quirks, think about what will follow next? If you are a unique specialist, of whom there are only a few in the labor market, the difficulties of “synchronizing” with the team can be ignored, many things are excusable for valuable personnel. But do you overestimate your own uniqueness?
Don't lose yourself. If there is a strong feeling that the work has become “stuffy” and no efforts help, you may really be in the wrong team. In this case, it is important to decide for yourself whether you really like the work so much that you can sacrifice for it with colleagues? It is possible that the answer will be positive.
editor-in-chief of the information and legal portal GARANT.RU
You can become an outcast in a number of ways different reasons: being a professional (for example, in a team not very gifted people) or vice versa - " weak link”, being by nature uncommunicative or not sharing the corporate values of the company at all ... In each of these cases there will be a recipe for solving this problem. But before striving to put it into practice, it is necessary to answer the questions for yourself: “What if I am a “white crow”? Does it really interfere with my life and/or work?” Very often, the majority seeks the approval of the collective or " gray cardinals”, and often not the most authoritative colleagues ... But why? Why become "like everyone else"? I would advise you to keep your individuality in any case, not to pay attention to the unpleasant attitude of colleagues and conscientiously do your job.
The status of the "white crow" is very easy to get, but it is quite difficult to get rid of it. Children, often, act as it is customary in their circle. Anyone who goes against the rules becomes an outcast.
For the first time, the status of the "white crow" was assigned to me in a children's camp, where I rested with my new girlfriends.
The stigma of the "white crow" and the result - loneliness
After fifth grade during summer holidays It was my first time at a children's camp. After a week of rest, I really missed home and, having suffered for another week, I left for my beloved mother.
One year after graduation school year I again went to Kid `s camp. Growing up during this time, I was much more interesting than in last time. I could meet new friends, read new books in the library, go to wellness treatments and just do nothing.
In my new company was most of girls older than me. It was interesting for me to watch (and learn) how they did makeup and manicures to please the boys from the neighboring houses.
One evening, after lights out, the girls from the next room came to our room to learn how to smoke. They believed that the guys should like it and, for sure, attract their attention.
Each girl in our company took a cigarette from a pack, lit it and began to cough softly. At first, everyone was so enthusiastically engaged in smoking that they did not notice: I did not take a cigarette from the pack.
My happiness did not last long - as soon as one girl spoke out loud, a "flock of black crows" attacked me with a request to join them.
My beliefs that smoking is bad were of no interest to anyone. After requests and jokes, threats and ridicule began. “If you turn us in, then we will say that you smoked with us!” - yesterday's girlfriends threatened.
I didn't want to give up anyone. Why do I need it? But I didn't want to smoke either.
That evening, for the first time, I became a "white crow", I was now not accepted into the company of experienced and seniors. It’s hard to bear this burden, and for a long time I asked myself: “Did I make the right choice?”
Yes, I am a white crow, but I don’t want to get dirty in black!
Now, remembering that incident, I understand that the choice was difficult and it took strength to make it. Did I make the right choice? Who will answer?
Seeing the results of my choice and that the worst thing that can await me is loneliness, I was able to defend my principles several more times, but I received regular titles"blond crow".
At the university, I was the headman and could not give to others bad example. I was not a nerd, but skipping classes for no reason is not the most the best activity for the elder. The result is the status of an outcast, which was smoothed out only by the fact that I had to be reckoned with because of the position of the headman.
Lies and gossip in one of the offices where I worked was another reason to get the status of the "white crow" again. An outcast in the team just because I don’t like to lie and spread gossip? I will not step over myself, just to please others.
Loneliness, loneliness, loneliness...
It is difficult to say which choice is more correct: to give up your beliefs for the joy of others or find loneliness in the hope of finding those who share my point of view.
Only one thing pleases - there is always a choice that my future will decide later. I would not be me if I had not defended my understanding of the world in due time. Perhaps even now I would not have known about your existence, would not have found this site.
Or maybe I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t stand up for my principles that evening in the camp, but instead became addicted to a cigarette and fell ill with lung cancer ...
I made a conclusion for myself - let me be an outcast and a “black sheep”, but I will save my valuables for myself, I will be alive and well, I will not smoke and take drugs, abuse alcohol and hang out with men.
One thing pleases me - I always have a choice and it is not easy to break me!
Of course, you can't please everyone without exception. In every office from time to time there are conflicts between colleagues. But there are times when the whole team unites against a common enemy.
Irina got a job not at all for the sake of money. Irina's husband earned very well, the children had grown up a long time ago, and Irina was frankly bored as a housewife. And therefore, at the family council, it was decided that Irina would start looking for a job. A suitable vacancy appeared quite quickly, and soon Irina went to storm her career heights. The team in the organization where Ira got a job was predominantly female. At first, Irina liked her new colleagues - they were all about the same age as her, and common topics for discussion, like parenting and favorite shows, soon found. But over time, Irina began to understand that in relation to her, her colleagues were gradually becoming irritated. When Irina talked about what stores she used to buy clothes in, where her children study, and what a gift her husband gave her on their wedding anniversary, the faces of her colleagues were instantly distorted with anger. And then they stopped talking to Irina altogether. If colleagues needed to discuss something, they left the office, Ira was no longer invited to dine and invite colleagues to birthday parties. Her documents were constantly “lost”, Irina was “forgotten” to tell about the meeting with her boss and his requests were not passed on. The situation became unbearable for Irina, and she was forced to write a letter of resignation.
Psychology of the victim
According to statistics, in Europe, every 25th office employee at least once in his life felt like a black sheep. We do not keep such a "record", but experts are sure that the figures are approximately the same. A similar phenomenon has existed at all times, but not so long ago they came up with special term- mobbing. Initially, the word “mobbing” was understood as the behavior of herbivores, which, united, can oppose a predator. In public life this term became the definition of aggression in relation to one or another member of the team.
So why, one far from perfect day, the inhabitants of the office begin to unite with the sole purpose of making life difficult for one of the employees? There may be several reasons: this is the struggle for a “place in the sun”, and elementary envy, and the fear of old-timers to seem incompetent compared to a newcomer who has come to the team. Both ordinary employees and the boss himself can take part in bullying.
But whatever the reason for the attacks, psychologists are unanimous in their opinion that the victims of pressure are most often people who lack self-confidence and for whom the opinion of others is very important. If a person is chosen as an object for harassment, in whom the dislike of the team does not cause any emotions, colleagues quickly leave him alone. After all the main task pursuers - to unbalance the victim. And therefore, if you find yourself in the role of a white crow, in no case do not show your opponents that you are offended by their ridicule or an announced boycott. Of course, keep a good face at bad game not easy, but try not to give vent to emotions. By the way, you should not respond with an insult for an insult either. Your anger is an indicator of your weakness, and colleagues will not hesitate to take advantage of this.
However, if work in this organization does not promise you magical prospects or fabulous enrichment, consider whether it is worth spending nerve cells in order to build relationships with the community. After all, the unfavorable working environment has the most sad effect on the health of employees, and therefore it is necessary to decide whether the game is worth the candle or it is better to find another job.
Why are you not loved?
Not always the attacks of colleagues are caused by their evil disposition or the desire to take your place. Perhaps you somehow deserved such an attitude of the team. Here is a rough list of the main office "irritants":
Complaints. Constantly telling colleagues about your problems, you evoke in them a feeling of pity and contempt at the same time. It seems that colleagues are obliged to listen to you, sympathize and offer their help, but in fact they do not want to do this at all. Such dangerous mix sooner or later, it can lead to the fact that, instead of empathizing with your troubles, colleagues will begin to take out their irritation on you. By the way, constant requests for help work in the same way. Of course, there is nothing wrong with asking co-workers to help you sort out the papers from time to time or replace you for a while, but you should not turn such a practice into a system.
Snobbery. Even if it seems to you that your colleagues are in their mental development not too far removed from ciliates, you should not show them what you think of them. If you meet every statement of colleagues with a dismissive chuckle, be sure that your colleagues will not treat you well.
Boasting. luxury apartment, Vacation home, weekends spent in Paris - all this awakens a feeling of envy in your colleagues. And not always white. Therefore, it is better not to talk about your material wealth, especially if your co-workers do not boast a similar set of values.
??Violation unspoken rules. The longer the team exists, the more various traditions it has. Neglecting them can also turn the team against you.
Too active flirting. The new girl, who in an instant managed to drive all the men in the team crazy, can hardly count on good relationship with the female half of the inhabitants of the office. Jealous glances, vulgar jokes and a trail of gossip are the most harmless manifestations of discontent on the part of your female colleagues.
Poll
Bad boss
The National Union of Personnel Officers polled 916 employees of Russian and Western companies about what exactly makes the boss bad. For 40% of the respondents, the most worst quality guides are inconsistent. The two most terrible shortcomings that can forever ruin a working relationship are the boss’s inability to listen to subordinates and unprofessionalism. The manager's inability to listen to his team annoys 28% of the respondents, and his lack of professionalism – 24%. Further, among the shortcomings, the inability to admit one's mistakes, indifference and despotism were noted. Excessive kindness as a quality inherent in a bad boss was named by five respondents.
Incredible
Right to beer
Some workers manufacturing enterprises in Denmark on the verge of a strike. No, they are not demanding to raise their wages. Their dissatisfaction is caused by the attempts of the authorities to wean them from drinking alcohol in work time. Three years ago in the country, 75% of canteens at enterprises sold beer during the lunch break. Now only 13% of such canteens remain. Employers were forced to take such steps in an attempt to increase productivity, as well as out of concern for the health of workers. But their good intentions ran into serious resistance on the part of the labor collective at some enterprises.
