Modern psychologists often advised to adults learn to be simpler and more direct- as children. And it's really good! But "childhood", in addition to such qualities as sincerity, openness to the world and people, susceptibility and interest in the new, has negative side – infantilism. Immaturity of decisions, fear of responsibility, inability to accumulate experience and draw conclusions from it ... How to get rid of infantilism - the site will tell the site.

How does infantilism manifest itself in an adult?

Of course, the concept of infantility cannot have absolute criteria- someone is more, someone is less infantile, different people this quality can have various manifestations, etc.

However, it is possible to distinguish certain moments, which, taken together, can talk about the infantility of the individual:

• Fear of responsibility. An infantile person, like a child, avoids situations where something depends on him: “What if it doesn’t work out, and they will scold me? ..”. It happens both in small things and in serious moments of life. Infantile people rarely become leaders, leaders who are able to captivate other people and inspire them with their will.
• Dependence on the opinions of others. An infantile person very often does something that he does not want at all - he is afraid. He is very dependent on stereotypes, it is not difficult for him to inspire something: he will believe and fulfill it, if it is understood that “everything is so normal people do", it will be approved by the majority, etc. The most interesting thing is that while an infantile person rarely has persistent life guidelines that overshadow minute influences: for example, an infantile woman can up to gray hair listen to your mother's advice, but at the same time suddenly listen to some neighbor and do it not at all in your mother's way (but, alas, not in your own way ...)!
• Trust and naivety. Such a person is an ideal victim of all kinds of scammers, since it is easy to inspire him with something simple.
• Fear of being alone. An infantile person is often afraid of the very fact of loneliness - even just being alone at home, going somewhere without companions, etc., but this is also true in more global sense. An infantile person is calmer in everything to be part of some kind of team - if only because in a team you rarely have to take responsibility for yourself, and there are clear priorities- so to speak, for what they will praise, for what they will scold.
• Spontaneous emotional reactions the inability to manage their emotions. They say about such people that "everything is written on their foreheads." They are rarely tactful, diplomatic, do not know how to hide their state of mind, even if it's inappropriate. An infantile person can easily “blurt out” something, and “blunders” often break out from him.
• Inability and unwillingness to predict calculate the results of their actions and behavior in advance, learn from their own and others' experience. Usually, infantile people rarely see the interconnection of events in their lives, and they like to talk about life's injustice, bad luck (or someone else's "unfair" luck), etc.

All in all, infantile personality is big child . Only if in a child much of the above is touching, then in an adult these qualities are repulsive.

Does getting rid of infantilism mean starting to lead a “serious” life?

Very often I come across various judgments like this: “If you don’t want to have a baby (or get married, or look for a “serious” job, etc.) - this, my dear, is infantilism in you!”.

Is that so?

In fact, can't talk about infantilism specific image life, life priorities and other things of that kind.

An "old maid" who lives with her mother and eight cats, as well as the mother of a large family, can be infantile; like a hustler odd jobs a freelancer, and an employee with 20 years of experience, etc.

On the contrary - infantile people rarely lead some kind of extraordinary, not too encouraged by society lifestyle- they themselves are uncomfortable and incomprehensible.

What can cause the appearance of infantile personality?

To learn how to get rid of infantilism, it is worth understanding where does this quality come from in a person.

That is, of course, it is logical that childishness - it is from childhood!

But why do some children grow up into infantile adults, while others into "normal" ones?

Probably much or even everything depends on the relationship with the parents. Often children of overprotective parents grow up infantile- children who were “overloved”, overprotective and pampered, or, on the contrary, children who were brought up in strictness and indisputable obedience.

Of course, you can’t change your own childhood, but in order to get rid of infantilism, you need to “step over” it - to realize that it is over! And those who were “big and smart” are now ourselves. We are adults!

There is no need to listen to anyone and obey no one, you need take responsibility for yourself and accept the results of your actions!

How to get rid of infantilism if you notice its manifestations in yourself?

Get rid of immaturityquickly and painlessly is a quality that is deeply rooted in human psyche! You need some serious work on yourself.

Most effective way get rid of the immaturity - big in life, as a result of which a person is without support in conditions where it is necessary to take quickly right decisions and take responsibility for them.

So, for example, there are many cases when people got rid of infantilism in a short time as a result drastic changes in habitual life - in the army, in prison, in "hot spots". Or - leaving to live in a foreign country, where you need to survive without friends and relatives; having lost financial well-being; survived death loved one, which was a support and support, etc. For women, the problem is “how to get rid of infantilism” often solved the birth of a child and the need to take on the role of a strong and wise adult!

Of course, if you set yourself the goal of getting rid of infantilism, it is not necessary to take such radical measures for this!

But if possible it is worth "plunging" into a situation where you need to mobilize and "grow up» - for example, agree to a leadership position, move out to live from your parents or husband's parents, etc.

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Infantilism is not only a problem for the young. It can prevent a person from creating harmonious personal relationships at any age. How to define in itself infantilism? How to get rid of infantilism? It is difficult for an extremely infantile person to ask such questions ...

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About infantilism very often and much is said in recent times. Who it infantile person? This phenomenon does not divide people into men and women, it manifests itself in absolutely everyone. Since infantilism often prevents a person from living happily, you should sort it out on the site psychological help website on how to get rid of it.

It all starts with the consideration of the term about what infantilism is. We will begin our consideration of the issue with how widespread this phenomenon is.

Being an infantile person for modern society has become the norm, rather than some kind of exception. Many people believe that once they reach a certain age, they inevitably become adults. At the same time, they forget that it is possible to grow up with the body, but inside, in the soul, in the mind, remain the same children that we were before. That is why there are concepts biological age" and " psychological age”, where the first shows the number of years lived, and the second - the real self-awareness of a person.

The infantilism of adults is feigned. Noticing that childish behavior causes certain reactions in other people, a person begins to deliberately behave like a child. But often a person has an infantile character precisely because he has not grown psychologically. His body has matured, according to his passport he can be considered an adult, but judging by his actions and demeanor, he is a small child or teenager.

In psychology, this is called fixation, when a person seems to get stuck at one of the stages of his development and does not grow further, although his biological body continues its maturation.

An infantile person differs from an adult in many ways. The first of these is that immature people live by emotions, not by reason. They divide the whole world, events, people into “I want - I don’t want”, “I like it - I don’t like it”, “good - evil”, etc. In other words, they give in to their emotions and behave depending on what they feel .

Infantile people are afraid of responsibility. They prefer to engage in work that does not carry a large load, but at the same time gives a large profit. However, this category people don't like solving problems. Faced with difficulties, they either run away from them, or try to forget, or shift them onto the shoulders of other people. In general, everything in the behavior of infantile adults suggests that they are still children.

Of course, a person can grow up, but for this you need to work hard on yourself. You can turn to a psychologist for help or just learn to live like an adult and independent person. Take responsibility, solve your problems, learn to communicate even with people you don't like. It happens that a person grows up as a result of some traumatic situation, where he cannot behave differently than in an adult way.

If we talk about infantilism, then this quality is more common than any other. Infantilism is attributed exclusively to adults, since children must be infantile, immature.

What is infantilism?

Infantilism is understood as the immaturity of the personality, which shows not adult, but childish character traits. By age, a person is considered an adult, and by behavior, lifestyle and even thinking, he is more like a child. What is infantilism? In other words, it is called childishness. A person seems to get stuck in the early stages of his development, remaining a child.

What contributes to the development of infantilism? As it turns out modern society contributes to the development of this quality in adults:

• An intense lifestyle, when a person is so tired that he acts on the machine. He habitually resorts to the methods of relaxation that he used in childhood.
• The cult of youth. Everyone should always stay young. However, adults are already considered old people. That is why a person, though not in body, so intellect will remain young.
• Modern technologies and entertainment. All more man it is suggested not to "steam" and do nothing. Everything is at hand in the form of gadgets, computer games and other devices with which he can feel like a full-fledged person.

Having tasted once carefree life where you do not need to be responsible, make serious decisions and fix problems, a person quickly gets used to it and agrees to remain a child forever. This leads to the fact that women and men complain about each other, often not noticing that both have the quality they are blaming. And main problem is that infantile people will not be able to create families. They need adult partners who will take on serious and responsible assignments.

One of the reasons for the development of infantility among people psychologists call the upbringing of mothers when they want to take care of their children all their lives. The kids have already matured, but the mothers do not seem to notice this and continue to take care of them, take care, and solve their problems.

The characteristic signs of infantilism, by which quality can be recognized, are:

1. Fear of responsibility. Infantiles are afraid to face situations where they will be held responsible.
2. Minute influences and the absence of hard targets.
3. Dependence on the opinions of others. Infantiles do not like criticism, so they are ready to do everything that will be considered. great way get approval from other people.
4. Naivety and gullibility, which makes infantiles victims of swindlers and scammers.
5. Fear of loneliness. They just can't be on their own.
6. Inability to predict the development of events. Infantil simply does not want to think about the consequences of his actions, as well as admit and correct mistakes.
7. Inability to control your emotions.
8. predominance gaming activity over educational / labor. A person prefers to play, have fun, rather than do serious work.
9. . Due to the lack of professional and mature qualities, a person is not able to adequately adapt to society.
10. Incontinence of the word and running away from duties.
11. Abstract-logical thinking, which allows a person to think in non-objective terms.

Infantilism manifests itself over time. Psychologists often lean towards reasons in the upbringing of infantilism:

• Parents do not allow the child to make his own decisions and do not put him in anything. A teenager is constantly limited in freedom of movement and decision-making.
• The mother raises the child herself, which makes her be tough, authoritarian, uncompromising, etc.

Infantilism in men

In men, infantilism manifests itself in many variations. One of them is unpreparedness for marriage. Here we are talking more about the unwillingness to bear responsibility.

Signs of infantilism in men are:

1. Egocentrism - when he thinks that everything revolves around him.
2. Perception of oneself as the only correct and worthy to take the place of a leader.
3. Blaming others if something is not liked or a conflict situation arises.
4. Dependency. This may manifest itself in a reluctance to work, as well as to lead household. Such men often attribute homework exclusively to women. They take the girls as their wives in order to shift the role of housekeepers to them, from whom they then constantly demand and criticize.
5. Weakness of willpower, which provokes an inability to accept important decisions.
6. Constantly sitting on the Internet, where the man plays, communicates on sites, watches movies, etc. He is fun and interesting, but completely irresponsible as a husband.
7. Preference for older women, as they will definitely be able to take on all the adult responsibilities.

Infantilism in women

Many believe that women are already infantile by the right of their sex. Next to them should be "daddies", adult men or romantics who will allow a woman to remain frivolous and naive. However, men often take advantage of such women.

Men who have achieved a lot in their lives are very interested in such women. They allow you to escape from everyday worries, think about the future, without striving to create a family and have children. Men can finally relax.

Infantile women themselves are looking for daddies who will be non-greedy, responsible, courageous, generous and wealthy. They want all their problems to be solved by men who, at the same time, admire their defenselessness.

In the arsenal infantile woman there are a lot of things that she uses to show herself defenseless and in need of a man:

1. She speaks in a high voice.
2. He is surprised that he does not understand anything.
3. Gets offended when he's actually angry.
4. Allows a man to be strong and experienced to raise his self-esteem.
5. Acts up, cries and pouts instead of saying what she wants.

Thus, the woman does not take responsibility, which helps her to shift it to the man.

How to get rid of infantilism?

If you want to get rid of infantilism, you should consider the following methods:

• Get into a situation where no one will help and you have to solve all the problems yourself.
• Have a child and take responsibility for its upbringing.
• Do something useful to others or yourself.

Eliminating infantilism, one should be careful. Too strong shocks can lead not to deliverance, but to regression - an even greater immersion in infantilism.

Modern man is becoming more and more infantile, that is, in his behavior and character, he resembles a child. And many people are so confused about what traits are childish and adult that they have driven themselves to depression and sadness, considering these to be adult manifestations.

What is usually considered childish in human behavior? When he has fun, rejoices, is surprised, shows curiosity, admires, etc. In fact, these traits are not childish. They are also inherent in adults, who can also be happy, inquisitive and spontaneous. In reality, there are only 3 infantile features of an adult:

1. Lack of independence, inability to provide for oneself.
2. Inability to take into account the wishes of other people.
3. Failure to plan, foresee further development events, trace the cause-and-effect relationships of their actions.

That's all! All other manifestations of an adult are natural to him and do not make him a child. Only these 3 qualities characterize his immature personality. And if at least one feature is present in a person, it means that he has not matured.

What is the result of infantilism?

If we talk about infantilism, then it deprives a person of many benefits and happiness. This result has already been reached by many people who are now trying to do something to get rid of it. But they do not succeed, because it is necessary to do everything themselves, and not to shift the responsibility to other people.

Every adult must provide for himself, be independent. Why, for example, can't he find a job: because there isn't one, or because he doesn't want to look for one? In the first case, the real lack of work does not allow him to work. In the second case, a person shows infantilism: he does not have to find a job for himself, but someone has to find a job for him and still force him to go for it.

Every adult must understand that he is not the only one living on planet Earth. There are also other people who have their own lives, their own desires and needs. And if you are going to do something, see if your actions will not interfere with the freedom of another person. In the same way, those around you should be adults, that is, their actions should not infringe or restrict your freedom. Of course, you can, for example, make repairs in the apartment and disturb your neighbors with noise. But it's one thing when you spit on their space of calm and silence, and another thing when you first warn your neighbors that you will be doing repairs and making noise. It is much more pleasant to make concessions to another person when he nevertheless showed interest in your desires than to understand him when he did not give a damn about your opinion and did what he wanted.

Every adult person knows how to plan his life, roughly understand the further development of events and notice the cause-and-effect relationships between his actions and the results he receives. This child cannot yet say what will happen next, because he has no experience. This child is used to blaming someone for his troubles, because he does not notice how he himself creates these troubles. And this can often be traced in adult people who have become adult bodies, but not the psyche and character.

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When you watch the American film Stepbrothers, the absurdity of the situation that underlies the plot becomes ridiculous. The main characters are two forty-year-old men who live with their parents, do not work, are completely financially dependent on their father and mother and behave like small children.

However, in life, such a situation, albeit not in such a hypertrophied form, is often encountered. An adult can live separately, have a job, even a family - and still remain infantile. What is infantilism, how to get rid of it and is it worth it - you will find some tips in our article.

Usually, the term "infantilism" means the immaturity of a person's behavior, the preservation of traits that correspond not to his age, but to earlier age periods.

We can talk not only about psychological infantilism, but also about physiological, legal, social.

Infantile teenagers, and then adults, are usually the result of upbringing.

In particular, the emergence of infantilism is associated with the fact that in adolescence parents did not allow a person to make their own decisions, completely took full responsibility for all areas of his life, and stopped any attempts to show independence.

It is important to understand that there are several types of infantilism, and some of its forms can lead to psychopathy. Therefore, if any features in the behavior of the child alarm parents, it is important to contact specialists for advice.

Both men and women can be infantile. However, this feature is more obvious when we are talking about representatives of the strong half of humanity. Since it is from them that society and most women expect perseverance, confidence, the ability to solve complex life situations. A soft woman who does not want to grow up is usually taken lightly, and men are often called and bypassed by the tenth road.

• Infantile people are usually naive and careless.
• Often they do not want to start a family, because this is an excessive responsibility.
• Can't get a good job.
• They have superficial interests and are not serious about relationships, not only love, but also friendship.
• Often they cannot control their interests - for example, they play games for hours computer games. Of course, there are such hobbies and quite independent people, however, they can manage their addictions, understand that business is time, and fun is an hour.

Infantile people have only their own “want” and no boring “shoulds”.

Leave your comfort zone

Interested in how to get rid of infantilism, it is important to understand that this is the path of growing up. The key difference between an adult and a child is the degree of freedom and degree of responsibility. Therefore, in order to mature, it is important to achieve two main results:

• Take responsibility for your life.
• Reclaim your freedom, if necessary.

And for this you have to leave your comfort zone - not daily, but every minute.

Own Solutions

An infantile person does not know how or does not want to make decisions himself, preferring to give this responsibility to others. Usually - to parents, and then the role of mom and dad can be played, for example, by a wife or husband. It can reach the point of absurdity: such people call their parents to ask for advice, several times a day; ask their mother what to wear; cannot decide which job to choose if the parent does not approve it; will not meet with a person if the family does not like him, etc.

A person can consult, listen, compromise, but still decisions and responsibility for them are the lot of adult men and women.

Solve your own problems

Infantilism is brought up from an early age. And that might be convenient. For example, in early childhood mother solved her son's conflicts in the sandbox, and she herself went to school to deal with hooligans and teachers who offended him, at the institute she ran to the dean's office to ask why her genius was given a B in the exam. When overage baby goes to work, a logical continuation suggests itself - if the boss deprives the bonus, mom will also have to deal with this issue.

It sounds strange, but the situation when a mother calls employers, asking if she and her son can come for an interview, is quite possible and occurs in real life.

Adult men and women decide their own issues. Even if it’s scary, lazy and it’s not clear where to start working on the problem. To grow up, you need to calmly but persistently refuse parental offers to help.

Own territory

Being interested in the question of how to get rid of infantilism for a woman or a man, it is important to understand: it is difficult to be an adult and independent when mom collects socks scattered around the room in the morning to wash them, and dad tells what programs to watch on TV.

To grow up, it is optimal to start your territory.

Of course, given the situation with real estate prices, this advice for most is empty sound.

If there is absolutely no opportunity to move, it is advisable to win back your territory in common house. For example, in your own room: take out an old chest of drawers and a gramophone, furnish the room to your liking, maybe even install a lock.

personal money

It is impossible to be an adult, begging mom and dad for money for travel, manicures or beer. An adult is a financially independent person, period.

Alas, today there are often very different variations of adult boys and girls who do not want to work, relying on their parent's salary or even a pension.

There can be a thousand explanations:

• Man is looking for himself and his vocation;
• he is not hired anywhere;
• he is very talented, but no one recognizes his genius yet, etc.

Of course, real reasons, according to which healthy people can't work, almost none. You can search for your calling by standing behind the counter in the store, and not sitting at home and looking sadly out the window. Writing a brilliant novel - in the evenings after work at a gas station. But the problem of “they don’t hire anywhere” is quite real - the labor market can be overflowing with specialists of this profile ... But in order to have the moral right to say so, you need to respond to vacancies day and night and run through interviews, and not plunge into philosophical reflections about the impossibility of finding a job without even bothering to write a resume.

Conclusion

Conclusion

Being an adult and realizing that you still have not got rid of infantilism, do not despair: the situation can be changed. If a person has realized his peculiarity, he is already on the path to success. One should not hope that today a person cannot decide what color to choose a tie, and tomorrow it will become the embodiment of independence. You need to set yourself up for long-term painstaking work, and start with the little things. Deciding what to eat for breakfast, how to drive to work, what to say... These small decisions and successes will lead to big ones - the ability to manage your lifestyle, relationships, feelings. If necessary and possible, it is always useful to turn to someone who will help you go this way.

Each of us at least once heard the expression "infantile person." What does such a definition mean? How is infantilism manifested? How to deal with it, and is it worth it, in general?

What it is?

What is infantilism? This is a property of a person, characterized by his psychological immaturity, inability to accept serious decisions. There is another term "infantilism", but it differs from infantilism and means an almost pathological condition, involving a delay in the formation of a personality, as well as a discrepancy between a person's behavior and age characteristics.

In fact, an infant is a psychological unhealthy person, and the infantile person is quite healthy and behaves abnormally for the sake of his comfort.

It is worth noting that infantilism can manifest itself in women, and in men, and in adolescents. It is quite difficult to identify such a trait in a child, since all children, in fact, behave infantile.

The reasons

Psychologists believe that infantilism develops in childhood. There may be several reasons for it:

• Overprotective parenting. If mom and dad constantly take care of their child and do not allow him to make decisions and make mistakes on his own, then he will simply get used to the fact that someone always makes important decisions for him, and therefore later he will not be able to make them on his own. "Mama's sons" often become infantile.
• It may be related to a lack of love and care in childhood. The child was left to himself and did not receive parental warmth, but in adulthood he wants to catch up and fancies himself a child whom everyone around should take care of and protect.
• Total control can also lead to the development of infantilism. For example, if a teenager was not allowed to walk and was forced to constantly report for his every step, then he was probably dissatisfied with this state of affairs. And infantilism in this case is a riot. The person seems to be saying with all his behavior: “Did you want to keep everything under control? So, get it!”.
• If the child had to grow up too early and become independent, then for sure he was very offended because of this. And even if the parents showed their love, the child will still be offended by them because they literally took away his carefree and happy childhood. And infantilism will become a kind of revenge.
• In some cases, infantilism develops already at a conscious age. For example, if a partner seeks to fence off a lover from all troubles and problems (of course, with the best of intentions), then he may soon get used to this and simply forget how to take responsibility and make decisions.

How is infantilism manifested?

The main signs of infantility:

• Inability and unwillingness to make important decisions. If there is a need to urgently solve something, then an infantile person will try to shift this task onto the shoulders of someone else. If no one is around, then he can let everything take its course or make a completely rash and spontaneous decision, literally pointing his finger at the sky.
• Striving for dependency. An infantile person will not necessarily strive to live at someone's expense. He can earn, and not bad. But from servicing himself in the everyday sense (washing dishes, washing, cleaning, and so on), such a person can shirk in every possible way.
• Most often, infantile people are quite self-centered and selfish. They believe that the whole world should revolve around them. If such a person is asked for something, then he will surely find many reasons to refuse. But he himself often turns to others for help and believes that everyone owes him and should.
• Since infantile people are used to go with the flow, they often have difficulties in relationships. At some point, the other half will understand that the partner is not capable of anything, and will try to change this. But if an infantile person himself is not aware of his problem, he will not be able to cope with it and change.
• These people are very fond of entertainment and often put it in the foreground. And it does not matter that the house is not cleaned, and the refrigerator is empty. If someone offers something interesting and fun activity, then an infantile person will immediately agree.
• In most cases, these people are very lazy. They are ready to live in disorder, just to do nothing.
• An infantile person is likely to change jobs quite often. First, work is the need to decide and do something. Secondly, it prevents you from having fun and living for your own pleasure.
• Such people live one day and do not think at all about what will happen tomorrow and even more so the day after tomorrow or in a month. For this reason, they often do not have savings or even a small “stash”, as well as food supplies in the refrigerator.
• An infantile person does not strive for development, self-improvement. Everything suits him, he does not want to become better or stronger.

How to solve a problem?

How to get rid of infantilism? Helpful Hints:

1. Before you start the fight, you should be aware of the problem.
2. Some people just need a shake. cardinal changes can make an infantile person finally start thinking about the future. You can change your job or even the city. And the really big change is moving to another country. If a person realizes that no one will help him, then he will begin to act independently and gradually learn to make decisions and take responsibility.
3. You can find a job that involves making responsible decisions. Of course, you should not choose a position that involves responsibility for people's lives, but, for example, a cashier is already a responsibility, albeit a material one.
4. If an infantile person lives with his parents or with his other half, then he can try to live separately and provide for himself. Probably in a few months he will learn to serve himself, plan a budget and think about tomorrow.
5. Goals should be set and achieved. Let them be small goals at first, for example, a certain wage or some purchase. And then you can move on to more global achievements.
6. As strange as it may sound, but you can get a pet. Yes, if the owner understands that he is responsible for caring for the animal, he will gradually begin to get used to responsibility and stop being afraid of it.
7. You can contact a psychologist, find out the causes and eliminate them. For example, if the roots of the problem go back to childhood, then you should find out what exactly became the trigger. It is important to understand that childhood is long gone, and adulthood- is not nothing. It should be understood that decisions are an integral, but not at all terrible part of life.

Now you know how to deal with infantilism, and you can help yourself or a loved one.