There are several situations in which someone else's opinion should not be ignored. Be attentive to the words of people - this will help you become wiser and succeed in any area of \u200b\u200blife.
Listening to opinion and following it are two different things. Wise people always know when to listen to the words of others and how to highlight something important from them. A narrow-minded person either acts in the opposite way, or relentlessly follows the advice. Need to maintain self-sufficiency and connect common sense by analyzing what you are being told. This is one of the signs of a smart person.
When you can't assess a situation properly
There are many life situations when a person simply cannot understand the big picture and make correct conclusions on one's own. For example, when it comes to appearance. It has long been known that people see themselves in the mirror in one way, in the photo - in a different way, and according to the stories of those around them, they look completely different. Psychologists conducted special experiments during which it was proved that people see themselves not as beautiful as they really are. There is one "but" here - it does not work with too high self-esteem.
You should listen to the advice of people you trust if they point to your shortcomings or virtues. Chances are you just don't notice them.
When many people tell you the same thing
If a person is advised to do something or, conversely, not to do it, it often annoys him. In such a situation, it is important to consider the number of people who voice their opinion. If everyone as one repeats to you that you should not spend money on something or get into some kind of adventure, this is an important sign. You don't have to follow people's opinions, but you do need to listen to them.
good example: aggressive behavior. If many people tell you that you are too strict with others and cannot calmly maintain a dialogue, you should think about it carefully. If similar remarks are made to you by people who do not communicate with each other, this is an occasion to change your behavior.
A person who has earned your trust and has proven his loyalty more than once has the right to be heard. Be aware of the signs that you are being manipulated. Once you understand that the person is not showing any signs of a manipulator, you can trust them completely.
kind and fair man always speaks from pure heart, so his opinion will always be valuable to you. It's good to be able to evaluate yourself from the outside. Such a person will help you do it better and faster.
When someone else's opinion helps to solve a problem
We do not always know how to solve our problems, because we do not have enough information. If someone else's opinion contains information that was previously unknown to you, then you should listen to it. Subsequently, you can reject the information or accept it, but you should not ignore it in any case.
Sometimes a person's opinion or advice helps to gain confidence or find a solution. difficult problem. If you feel that the opinion of a friend, acquaintance, relative or even a stranger will help you overcome some kind of trouble, it is better to listen to him. A striking example- learning process. If you don't know something, you simply have no other choice. You are forced to listen to a mentor or mentor.
If you don't have an opinion
It happens that a person is in complete prostration and does not see any way to solve the current problem. In this case, the advice or opinion of others can be saving for you. This brings us to one important piece of wisdom, which states that the absence of thoughts for some reason important occasion does not mean that it is necessary to act recklessly. Always try to rely on at least some information.
social deprivation- this is a lack of communication or the inability for one reason or another to communicate with other people. The strength and consequences of deprivation depend on who initiated the isolation: the person himself, society or circumstances.
How does social deprivation manifest itself?
Social deprivation can manifest itself in different ways, depending on a number of factors:
- Partial social deprivation. Partial deprivation occurs in a situation where a person, for one reason or another, does not have social contacts with the people he needs or has them in not enough. Such deprivation occurs in children who are brought up in boarding schools, among pupils of military schools, among prisoners and other groups of people. With such deprivation, a depressive state, decreased performance, and loss of interest in life can occur.
- Complete deprivation. Can be caused by circumstances: shipwreck, landslide rocks in the mine, disorientation in the taiga. Under such conditions, deprivation occurs very quickly, proceeds rapidly and, if a person is not provided with qualified assistance in time, can lead to death.
- Person's age. AT childhood a person may not feel the influence of deprivation, but the lack of necessary social contacts is reflected in his mental and intellectual development. The older a person gets, the more difficult it is to endure forced isolation.
- The person himself chose isolation or ended up in it for one reason or another. If a person himself decides to leave society or limit contacts with him, the manifestations of deprivation will be minimal. With forced isolation, depressive states, neurotic and mental disorders can be observed.
- Person's character. The stronger, the more resistant it turns out to be in critical situations.
Consequences of social deprivation
How faster man receives qualified assistance from specialists, the more likely it is that the consequences of social deprivation will be minimal. However, in some cases it is not possible to completely get rid of the consequences social exclusion. So, social deprivation in orphans leads to the fact that such children do not form the correct behavior patterns in the family, children grow up with a sense of rejection and low self-esteem, they do not know how to form and maintain close relationships.
The most severe consequences can be deprivation caused by circumstances, catastrophes, natural disasters when a person finds himself in unusual conditions. In such situations, death and the appearance mental illness caused not by the circumstances themselves, but by the mental reaction of a person to them.
A person differs from other living beings in that he is constantly faced with a choice, every day he decides the court - “this is to be, this is not to be” - from the type of coffee capsule for breakfast to a profession, spouse, citizenship.
All people are different
People spend most of their time and energy choosing in the area of life that matters most to them, and do not waste time choosing what they consider trifling. A sewing lover can pick up buttons for hours on fabric, but not notice what she ate. A gourmet, on the contrary, will study the menu, choosing a dish for tasting, but will pass by the poster of the theater, near which the playwright, who has not had a haircut for six months, will be dumbfounded under the reproachful look of a fashionista who has spent half a day in the hairdresser's. By observing what and how people choose, you can learn everything about them.
Anxious people choose everything for a long time, they are even more worried and tired of it. Confident people make choices quickly and this gives them determination and strength.
Some people like the selection process itself, they create a problem and a discussion out of everything. Others have learned to limit their choice with the help of habits, stereotypes. Same toothpaste, haircut, menu, route, hotel on the same coast.
One situation of choice replaces or overlaps with another, and sooner or later everyone encounters a difficult choice.
How do people behave in situations of choice?
Infantile
People for whom only pleasure is significant deny the choice, pretend that it does not exist, continue to behave in the old way. The girl met a guy and fell in love with another. Will date two. If it doesn't work out, he'll leave both of them. Children in words make one choice, in fact another and are not tormented by remorse. They say honesty good quality, but on the control they will write off without hesitation. There is no choice, only possibilities.
Realists
They know what they want, they choose only the way to achieve it, and in this they rely on reality - whether the planned is feasible or not feasible. The man wants money. Earn, steal, beg - they will choose what is easier to do.
Self-consent seekers
They choose what to do, what goal to achieve. Their situation is the most difficult, but much happens inside, and not at the level of behavior. Therefore, consider the behavior of most people.
Choosing how to live
Moderate for adults developed people any important choice it's a lifestyle choice. Buying a car, getting married, joining a fitness club, having a baby, changing careers is a lifestyle change.
Human behavior includes some or all of the actions in this list:
- rational search for a solution - collecting information about the subjects of choice, listening to consultants, acquaintances, reading reviews on the Internet. Drawing up lists of pluses and minuses, adding, deleting, transferring from minuses to pluses and vice versa, calculating short-term and long-term consequences;
- emotional search - collecting information about yourself, your needs, going to a psychologist. People listen to emotions, intuitions. They draw (sometimes with eyes closed), meditate, look at pictures, write down associations, imagine the future;
- the unconscious search for a solution is launched by people when they try to distract themselves - watch a movie, take a walk, ride a bike, visit friends, do the cleaning. It is assumed that the solution will somehow emerge from the depths of the subconscious;
- searching for signs of fate. People go to a fortune-teller, make horoscopes, play solitaire, roll dice, toss a coin. There was an aphorism from the movie “No Country for Old Men” that when you flip a coin, you have time to feel which side you want it to fall on;
- effective search for a solution - trials, if possible. Trials of professions, trial marriages, probationary periods at work, test drive.
When a decision is made and a person does not look back, does not regret, does not reproach, considers the payment for the choice fair, then he has done Good work and ready for the next election.
There are situations where people just don't know what to say. They begin to make excuses, look for reasons, try to change the subject so as not to feel embarrassed. But some of these situations are solved by one in simple words- "Thanks".
you received a compliment
Many people don't know how to respond to a compliment. Therefore, instead of smiling and thanking, they begin to deny everything and assure the interlocutor of the opposite. The result is an almost awkward situation in which now you both do not know what to talk about. In a word, the only correct reaction to a compliment is restrained words thanks.
You late
At first glance, words of gratitude seem out of place here. Nevertheless, instead of long excuses and arguments about how wild traffic jams are in the city, it is better to say: “Thanks for waiting. I miscalculated the time." In general, a more positive image is formed when a person does not apologize for a mistake, but expresses appreciation for loyalty!
When you became the object of criticism
Criticism must also be dealt with appropriately. And not only constructive and useful, but also groundless. It is almost always worth reacting with a positive tone, and by no means justifying it. You can name the reasons why a mistake was made, but in no case should you do it in order to justify yourself in the eyes of your superiors. As universal example You can take the words “Thank you for the comments. I figured out where I went wrong."
When someone needs your support
You may be surprised, but this is also one of those situations in which saying “Thank you” is more than appropriate. Imagine that a person close to you is talking about his family problems. Together with huge amount Possible words you can say to support him include these: “Thanks for sharing with me. I am always with you".
Just say "thank you" more often
There is different categories people: some are completely devoid of the consciousness that someone needs to be thanked, others, on the contrary, thank you for everything with cakes, chocolates, souvenirs. You just need to say "thank you" more often.
Helpful Hints
Each of us, at least once in our lives, has found ourselves in a situation where, out of shame, we want to fall into the ground - whether it's a word spoken at the wrong time, or a life failure. However, there are several simple ways quickly and easily get out of an awkward situation, sometimes even to your advantage.
In this article, we will tell you what to do if you or your loved one is in an awkward situation, or you are asked an uncomfortable question.
awkward situations
If you offended someone
Many have had a situation in life when they complained about another person in a long angry message, and accidentally sent it to the offender instead of the desired addressee. On the one hand, the degree of awkwardness of the situation rolls over, but you should not reproach yourself for this stupid mistake.
This situation can be an impetus for reconciliation if you finally talk to the person about what really worries you. At least you will be sure that he knows the reason for your dislike for him. In no case do not try to make excuses and apologize - this will only aggravate the situation.
You are much more likely to have normal communication after you discuss the situation and put everything in order. If you do not want to see this person in your life - do not hesitate and do not try to build a relationship. An embarrassing mistake like this can help you get rid of toxic people.
If your work partner is lazy
It often happens that at work or at school, when working on projects, you get the laziest colleague or classmate as a partner. Many find themselves in an uncomfortable position, embarrassed to force or refuse.
And in the end, a really awkward situation is created when that person, like you, receives praise. This is exactly the situation where in no case should you be given a second chance, otherwise you will literally "sit on the neck." Yes, each of us makes mistakes, but if it becomes a habit, do not give up. Explain to a colleague that you are not going to do his job, and he should either start working or he will not get anything.
Don't talk about his mistakes - talk about your needs and desires. Instead of "You did not do as we agreed", say the following: "I need us to discuss more, I need your desire work." Be confident.
How to get out of an awkward situation
If you are afraid to quit
If you are in this moment you are trying to quit, but something seems to be stopping you - this item is for you. Surely you know the feeling of fear of change, or you feel awkward and insecure when communicating with the employer, which prevents you from expressing your opinion.
If you don't like your job but don't feel comfortable letting your boss know, especially if you're in good relations– say that you have found a job that will teach you something new. After all, this is an invaluable experience that should not be missed, and there is nothing shameful and awkward in self-improvement.
If you think that your dismissal will jeopardize the work of the company, and you are embarrassed to admit it, offer to train or find a new employee yourself. This will play into your hands and help you maintain friendly relations with the company, because sincerity and honesty are important when communicating with people.
If you have a terrible boss
The bosses are different, and everyone can get into a team where the boss has unique methods of work. Often, employees feel awkward and constrained when the boss constantly stands above their souls, frankly stares, or, without finishing the information, demands quick results. Such an attitude, on the contrary, knocks down and puts a person in an uncomfortable position.
In order to start a conversation if you are afraid, you can use some simple but convincing phrases: "It's hard for me to work without your information", "work will go faster if each employee has free personal space while doing it." Often the bosses do not deliberately break down on the wards - everyone has their own ways of doing business, not always humane. Don't be afraid to ask questions about what could make the company successful.
Also Read: 5 Signs You're Bored
awkward conversation
Extra word or awkward pause
Has it ever happened in your life that you say things that are completely inappropriate? After all, the word is not a sparrow, and there is no way to return it. After that, a person may be offended by you and consider you absolutely tactless, and an unpleasant pause will occur in the conversation. However, there are several ways to restore reputation after being told.
Determine the degree of awkwardness: You will become the master of the situation only when you find out what is the reason for its occurrence. The reasons can vary from awkward long pauses in conversation to differences in opinion or perspective. the world. Find true reason an awkward situation, and it will be easier for you to come up with a solution. Has it happened in
If, for example, a person brings news that you expected, do not be ashamed to say: "Give me some time to think about what you said." This will allow you to focus on the words, understand your feelings and identify the reason. negative emotions on this occasion.
Continue the conversation: Awkward long pauses in a conversation do not occur out of the blue - they have reasons that do not always depend on the person himself. At the same time, they always cause a feeling of inferiority. According to research conducted in 2010 by a Dutch university, continuous conversation leads to an increase in self-esteem and positively affects the feeling of involvement in a group, society.
To make life easier for yourself and the interlocutor, if the conversation is necessary, continue it at all costs so that awkward pauses do not have time to arise. Change topics, ask questions, talk about what you like, learning the interests of the interlocutor along the way.
A drop of humor: If the conversation is at an impasse, or you feel that the topic is uncomfortable or even unpleasant for you, add some light. This can be done by telling a relevant anecdote or funny story, laughing at the current situation or adding a little self-criticism. Remember that with all this, it is worth remembering whether such behavior is appropriate at the moment.
If appropriate, act, because laughter, smiles and a relaxed atmosphere are able to correct the situation. They will also help you continue the conversation, because the ice will melt and the interlocutors will open up. If you encounter an awkward pause at the very beginning of the conversation, and do not know how to develop it before introducing yourself, tell a relevant joke. Use interesting turns, light and subtle humor, word play and anything that can melt the ice.
Find a compromise:Often awkward pauses arise due to the fact that people in a conversation cannot agree on anything, trying to defend different opinions. Undoubtedly, in order to solve such a situation, it is necessary to find a compromise, because not everyone is willing to give in.
Try to understand the interlocutor, what drives him, why he thinks differently, and what he wants to achieve in the end. This will help you offer an option that will be available to both you and your interlocutor. This practice will allow you to solve the problem without giving up your point of view.
Listen and paraphrase: If there is an awkward pause in your conversation, or you don’t know what to answer, just listen to your interlocutor and paraphrase a little what he said. For example, if your classmate complains about bad grade, or a colleague - to the boss, in the first case, say: "You, apparently, are extremely dissatisfied with the result," and in the second - "He must be unfairly picking on you."
It is often more important for people to know that their feelings are understood and realized than to receive advice from someone. In addition, this practice will save you from having to constantly think about what to say. Just listen to the person and, if you don't know what to answer, say the same thing as him, but in other words.
Also Read: 10 Psychological Tricks To Manipulate People
Top awkward situations
Ask a question: Your conversation with another person can be awkward because you don't know much about them. This sometimes creates some problems in communication. In this case, you can ask a few non-personal questions to get to know each other better and find possible common interests. Then it will be much easier for you to talk with a person, because you will know what is common between you and what he understands.
Questions can be asked not only to get to know a person better - after all, you always need to be careful with them so as not to offend anyone. If you have previously discussed a topic that is at least slightly interesting to both of you, ask something that would help you delve into it and show the interlocutor that you did not let his words go past your ears. Do not ask too many questions in a row, otherwise the interlocutor may close in on himself or simply lose the thread of the conversation.
Suggest changing the subject: A fresh topic of conversation will always help fill the gap in an awkward conversation. If you want, you can prepare in advance a few that seem most interesting to you, so as not to invent on the spot. Among common themes- TV shows, upcoming holidays or events, everything that can connect you with a potential interlocutor, for example, a field of activity, school exams. Remember that not all topics can be raised in society.
New topics can be a great solution when talking to unfamiliar person. Things as small and ordinary as the weather will break the ice and help you move on to something more useful.
Be assertive: If it happens that your interlocutor is rather rude, or asked you an uncomfortable or too personal question, be prepared to stand up for yourself. Remember that you have personal boundaries that no one has the right to violate. And if it does happen, there is no shame in stopping it. You can confidently tell the interlocutor that you do not intend to discuss this with him without explaining the reasons.
If you realize that you have a person in front of you who purposefully intends to offend you, change the subject or simply end the conversation. Don't keep unpleasant feelings in yourself, otherwise you risk getting bad taste from talking for a long time.
Know when to be silent: There are situations in life in which conversations are completely inappropriate. While constant communication among friends helps to keep the company together, it is not always necessary among strangers. Your fellow traveler on a long bus ride or your neighbor on an airplane isn't always interested in talking.
If suddenly the conversation is nevertheless unleashed, but you see that the interlocutor is reluctant to answer, or answers with one or two words, then you should not continue. You should not force a person to talk - perhaps he is too polite to refuse you this.
Weed out uncomfortable topics: If you feel uncomfortable discussing something, just say: "That's very interesting. But you know what else I learned a few days ago?". If someone off topic comments on your conversation or inserts an inappropriate phrase, just ignore it. This is the most The best way avoid problems. Just pretend you didn't notice and continue the conversation. The person will remain without spectators and will leave attempts to annoy you.
If the option to remain silent is not for you, tell the interlocutor that you do not intend to discuss this with him or anyone else. You can tell him that you can’t stand rumors and various empty talk that you don’t see the point in wasting your own time.
If the person you are talking to has recently lost a loved one or is in a quarrel with the family, express your condolences to him with his permission. If you have never been in the same situation, do not under any circumstances say that you understand him. If you ever had a 78 year old die great uncle you cannot understand a father who has lost his son. Therefore, this topic should be avoided.
uncomfortable questions
End the conversation gracefully: When there's nothing left to say and you feel like further conversation will lead to nothing, just end it. This decision will have a much better effect on the situation than trying to continue communication. If you're afraid of getting into an awkward situation by ending a conversation, learn how to do it gracefully.
Thank the other person for taking the time to talk. If the person is trying to control your time and doesn't intend to end the conversation, find an excuse to end it. Say that you want to get yourself another drink or that you need to call urgently.
Show understanding: Remember that not every person is the soul of the company and loves lively conversations, especially with strangers. Some may suffer from shyness or social anxiety. In such a situation, in order to stir up a person, it takes a little more time than usual.
Sometimes people even suffer from various disorders that create communication problems. In this case, you need to show understanding towards the person. Avoid stupid and tactless questions, act friendly and show the person that you can be an interesting conversationalist.
Fight your own fears: If the reason for the awkward pauses in the conversation is your own fears and anxiety in front of society, and it really bothers you, start working on it. Find out what exactly is bothering you and what causes such feelings, as well as what you can do to get rid of it.
Practice social and behavioral skills, visit a specialist if necessary, study the relevant literature. Your future communication and social life depends on how hard you work on them.
Smooth out the abrupt end of the conversation: Sometimes the conversation ends abruptly, causing awkwardness that causes discomfort to both parties. Instead of simply ignoring the current situation, during the next conversation with the same person, apologize for the harshness, or simply state the fact of an unfortunate conclusion.
If the abrupt ending was your fault and hurt the person, explain that your goal was not to offend him, and you had completely different reasons. If the person who abruptly ended the conversation suffers from anxiety or communication problems, his desire to suddenly leave should be treated with understanding, because it appears through no fault of his and independently of him.
Solve Problems: If suddenly during a conversation with a person, especially close ones, you have a misunderstanding or any problems, do not hesitate to report it. The same applies to any other issues outside the conversation. Tell a friend what's bothering you and ask for advice.
If you see that your interlocutor doubts something, cannot find words, or simply does not know what to say, gently ask him if he needs help. If he refuses, do not press, but if help is accepted, come together to solve the problem, and this will help you become closer and develop your communication.
To summarize: You can end the conversation beautifully and profitably by drawing a conclusion about it. You will not only benefit from the conversation, but also show the interlocutor that you were listening carefully.
For example, if you were talking about a sporting event that took place in your city over the weekend, say: "Looks like you had a good time running the race. It was interesting to learn a little about it. By the way, I think next time I will also accept participation". This way of ending the conversation will allow you to say goodbye to the person without inconveniencing each other and will lead to further communication in future.
