“Criticism can be easily avoided by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing” ~ Aristotle

People react to criticism in different ways. Someone learns from her lessons and treats her calmly. But for some, it is a problem that causes anger, excuses, self-doubt and a drop in self-esteem. How can this problem be avoided? How to properly respond to criticism? How to make criticism bring us benefit, and not bitterness and suffering?

Rule 1 - Calm down and observe

Do not give in to the first reaction that your mind and emotions give rise to. Yes, criticism can be unpleasant, and I know it. Sometimes, when we hear such criticism, we feel that our work has not been adequately appreciated, that our personal qualities were called into question. Differences between one's own expectations and the opinions of other people generates an unpleasant dissonance: resentment, irritation, bitterness and anger provoke a reaction of desperate defense or an aggressive attack on a criticizing person. There is nothing strange and surprising in this, because we are forced to act by the protective psychological mechanisms hidden in us by nature.

When we hear negative criticism, we unconsciously see a threat not only to our social position, but we also feel a danger to the ideas about our "I", which managed to take root in us. In general, we do not like it when people say things about us that we ourselves are not used to thinking about ourselves.

Therefore, it happens that we passionately and violently react to criticism. It is, one might say, an automatic mental reaction. But where there is automatism, there is not always room for common sense and understanding. Anger and resentment narrow the field of your perception, they attract all your attention only to themselves: you think a lot more about how to defend yourself from criticism or how to find in this criticism weak sides than how much she can help you.

But if you calm down and relax, wait out the first stormy wave of emotions, then your perception will become free from overwhelming feelings, and you will see a lot more that you have not seen before. For example, what is in critical appraisal, albeit too subjective, there is some truth. And if you take it into account, then in the future it will help you avoid many mistakes. Or, on the contrary, you will understand that the remark was completely unfair, and the person who made it was in a bad mood, which provoked him to an unfriendly assessment of you and your work.

A calm mind can see much more and to think much more constructively than a mind subject to strong emotions.

Therefore, before entering into controversy or answering email containing unpleasant information about your work, try to calm down. There are many different techniques that will help you quickly pull yourself together and restore mental balance:

• Slowly count to ten in your mind
• Make some deep slow breaths and exhale belly
• Write down all your thoughts and describe all your feelings on paper before answering. What do you feel? What do you think? Spill it on paper, not on a person

These are good and effective techniques, which will help you "wait out" the first reaction and relax.

But I like in this case (if time permits) just to observe my mind. To see how he worries and thrashes around under the heat of the fire of my wounded conceit. How he becomes biased, ceases to understand, and freezes in a militant stance in order to rush at the offender. How he showers me with heaps of flattery and self-justification to make the criticism less painful...

Instead of succumbing to the first reaction, just calmly observe it. As soon as you notice that your mind has begun to invent tricky ways to protect yourself from the attacks of criticism, turn your attention back to observation again. So you will not only see how the violent reaction gradually weakens and fades away, you will also learn a lot about yourself, about how your mind behaves, how your psyche works. You will learn a lot more from dispassionate self-observation than from all psychology textbooks put together!

But there is no need to somehow condemn this reaction of your mind. Remember, there is nothing wrong with it, because it is natural. We are so arranged by nature that we can respond to criticism. In a similar way. Therefore, treat this reaction with love and understanding, but at the same time, try not to succumb to it, but remain a spectator, not involved in the performance.

If you learn this, then it will be much easier for you (anger, irritation), you can not react to them immediately, but use the time to come to best solution the problem you are facing. This skill is very useful in life. It will help you avoid many quarrels, scandals and simply difficult situations. You will see that the first reaction is the strongest for just a few seconds: once you endure this time, do not succumb to the first wave, it will be much easier for you to pull yourself together.

Rule 2 - Use criticism as an opportunity to improve

Criticism is not always a reason to drop your dignity or offend you. It can serve as a reliable guide to point out your weaknesses or the weaknesses of the project you are working on. It is not very correct to plug your ears and resist when such an assistant is talking to you. But that's exactly what people do when they react violently to criticism.

If you listen to this helper, you will learn a lot about yourself and, perhaps, become the best person! If criticism points to your weaknesses that you can improve, then this is not at all a reason to be upset! After all, you are likely to say thank you to the person who tells you in time that your car's brakes are faulty. You will immediately take the car to the service and, possibly, save your health or life. Why is it so difficult for us to accept disapproving criticism of ourselves?

Accept it with gratitude and use it to your advantage! And rest assured, practically. Therefore, do not take criticism as a sentence and reproach to yourself!

But what if the criticism is aimed at qualities that you cannot change? Moreover, there is no reason to worry about it! What's the use of mourning for something you can't fix? circumstances as they are.

Rule 3 - Ask for details

Sometimes it pays to clarify criticism. First of all, thank the person for their critical comment. Next, you should make sure that you understand him correctly: you can clarify some aspects of his remark. For example: “what do you mean by the lack of references to sources”, “give an example, please!”

This will help not only buy time, but also clarify, detail criticism and change your reaction to it. For example, at first it seemed to you that the quality of your work in general was being questioned, but after clarifying the critical remark, you became convinced that it was only about separate aspect of your work: "Okay, I'll give you an example. In chapter " software» you lack an analysis of the sources you relied on. In chapter " technical solutions» I didn't see either detailed analysis. As for the remaining 12 sections, there is enough analysis there.”

Agree, such criticism is much easier to accept than the generalized statement "in your work you do not refer to sources." People tend to generalize, so ask them to clarify their comments and confirm concrete examples. The same goes for life situations and not just workers. Instead of scolding your wife for calling you irresponsible, ask her in what situations you are irresponsible and how often such situations occur. Ask her for examples. It is always easier to agree with examples than with abstract accusations. You can't argue with the facts, they help to dot the i's. Maybe you find out that you really don't take much responsibility for your life and something needs to change. Or you will come to the conclusion that the facts of irresponsible behavior are exaggerated by your spouse, they are isolated. And in many situations, you remain serious and determined.

This tactic will not only help clarify what the critic has in mind, but will also allow you to take time out so as not to succumb to the first reaction, which can be the most destructive when you do not have time and opportunity to relax and calm down.

Rule 4 - Listen to criticism

When you listen to someone's criticism, try to only listen to it! You should not immediately think out after the first words what to answer and how to defend yourself. So you might miss some important details in the words of the critic and look stupid when answering him. And, of course, you should not interrupt the interlocutor, trying to give him your answer. Listen carefully to the end, this will help you better understand the words of another person, as well as collect your thoughts yourself to answer the most appropriately. Take a moment to consider his words. No one will judge you for this, on the contrary, in this way you will demonstrate respect for someone else's point of view. You took the time to think about it, and not just say the first thing that came to your mind.

And the more calmly and thoughtfully you answer, the less inadequate criticism you will hear in response, and it will be easier for you to accept criticism. Curb your ego, but also don't insult the ego of the one who criticizes you, treat criticism with respect. If two egos clash in a duel, then disaster cannot be avoided. Mutual respect, the ability to listen to prevent this clash from happening.

Rule 5 - Make sure the criticism is relevant to its subject

Sometimes you need to make sure that the one who criticizes you has a good understanding of the subject and purpose of your work. For example, often on this site I get critical reviews about your articles. Many of them really help me write better. But others seem to be aiming not at my article, but at another one that I did not write. For example, a person can criticize something that I did not indicate in the article. This may be due to different reasons. I could not explain my point of view very well. Or the reader didn't understand it very well. Perhaps he was simply too lazy to read the article to the end, but he had a desire to criticize it. I react to such criticism in different ways. Sometimes I try to find out what caused it. Maybe I really did not explain something well, and I should reformulate my thoughts. Sometimes I just pass by without answering, because I don't see the point in rewriting the stable image that a reader has formed who has reshaped my work in their own way.

Therefore, before responding to criticism, you should make sure that it is addressed specifically to your work, and not to the distorted image of this work in the head of the critic. No need to get involved in an argument about work that you did not do and respond to such criticism with resentment. After all, it is not addressed to your work, but to some distorted representation of it in the head of the critic. And this image may have little to do with real subject A: do not take it personally. A person could come up with something himself, and then criticize what he came up with, thinking that he condemns your work. Don't give in to this illusion.

Also, this criticism should take into account the goals of this work. For example, it's not very smart to criticize a washing machine for not sending SMS from it.

Rule 6 - Get rid of the mindset that you have to be perfect

Get rid of the belief that you have to be perfect and your work must be right the first time. the best way. If all people did their job perfectly, then there would be no need for teamwork, meetings and exchange of ideas. People are forced to support each other, discuss the results joint work, make suggestions and point out errors. Even the most senior leaders do not accept important decisions by oneself. Because they know that everyone makes mistakes.

Learn to be calm about your mistakes and shortcomings. No matter how hard you try to do something, no matter how ambitious goals you set for yourself, no matter how reverently you treat your tasks, there will always be room for error, imperfection. We are all people and we are all limited by our knowledge, experience, beliefs. And the more we think that we should be perfect, the further we push perfection away from us! What we fear becomes our reality over time! Rejecting criticism, rejecting everything that does not correspond to our idealized ideas about ourselves, about our work, we refuse to learn. We refuse to get better. We refuse to move towards perfection. The viability of our illusions and shaky ideas about ourselves becomes more important for us than any development.

About how destructive these installations can be, I will tell in next paragraph giving an example from life.

Rule 7 - Don't argue with someone else's impression, listen to it

A few years ago, on a forum, I saw a request from a member to rate his online project. The concept of the site was interesting. But the implementation was very low level: small font, lack of paragraphs, confusing style of presentation of information, difficulty in navigating, completely unsightly design, lack of optimization.

Critics voiced all these shortcomings, showed examples of successful sites and made suggestions on how and what needs to be corrected in order for the site to become popular. That is, the criticism was aimed more at helping than at vilifying the work of this man.

But you can never be wrong in your impression! If your work has a repulsive effect on someone, then this effect is what it is. If someone says that they are uncomfortable reading the text on your presentation or their eyes are strained by the colors of the design you have developed, then they are most likely not deceiving you. Yes, this impression may change over time, but now it is exactly that and, most likely, for a reason. If you are doing work for people, and not to admire it alone, then it makes more sense to listen to people's opinions.

The author of the site I was talking about could listen to the opinions of those who were trying to help him make the site better for the public and perhaps win over his devoted readers. But in order to do this, he had to get rid of the attitude that the result of his many months of work had to be perfect. But he was convinced of the correctness of his assessment, that he knew everything better than other people whose impressions were "wrong", and no one but him could evaluate his work. From the very beginning, he did not want criticism, despite his request. He only wanted praise for a job well done. And as a sacrifice to his conceit and stubbornness, he brought a potentially successful project. His website no longer exists.

Rule 8 - Use someone else's opinion to complement the perspective

Different people think differently. They see the situation differently. They notice what others do not notice and, conversely, do not see what you see. That is why we are forced to cooperate: our points of view complement each other, even if, at first glance, they seem to be in conflict.

It's like looking at the same point on the landscape, but with different sides. You are standing on a hill to the north, while your colleague surveys a point from the plain to the south. You see the landscape from above: the roofs of houses, the peaks of towers, but you do not realize the actual height of the buildings. Whereas, if you look at them from below, your eye will more accurately notice how some buildings differ in height from others. And the contradiction generated by the view from different perspectives is only imaginary.

Open cooperation, a willingness to accept someone else's point of view, gives volume, depth and completeness to the problem under consideration, whether it is your relationship, your work or yourself.

Rule 9 - Assess the situation

Ask yourself: who is criticizing you? Maybe this is a person who was opposed to you from the very beginning? Or someone who feels important when they criticize others? Or is it your friend who loves you and wants to help you? Depending on the answers to these questions, your reaction to criticism will change.

Also ask yourself questions: Why am I being criticized? Fair criticism or not? Did they understand me correctly? Have I given any reason to be criticized? Perhaps you will realize that you did not clearly convey your idea, which caused an unfavorable reaction. Or your work really contains some flaws that you can fix, instead of convincing everyone that it is perfect.

Rule 10 - Give thanks for the criticism. Use it as an ego trainer

Before jumping into a controversy, mentally thank the person who criticizes you. After all, criticism helps you become better! I already wrote that it points out your mistakes and helps you avoid them. But not only truthful and polite criticisms may be useful to you! No matter how strange it may sound, but the most useful criticism for you can be the most unfair and offensive!

On my site, some people sometimes leave impolite, offensive and unfair remarks about my articles, sometimes passing on my personality. But it is precisely such comments that temper my ability to calmly respond to unflattering criticism, not to succumb to my emotions. I call comments like this: "ego trainer". Only the most unflattering criticism can awaken my Ego and leave me alone with him, see him in highest point passion and curb it. It's hard and doesn't always work. Sometimes this struggle leaves severe emotional wounds. But if these wounds are left alone, let them heal, and the fire raging inside is extinguished, then sooner or later the flowers of experience, development and knowledge will appear in their place.

A “trained” ego that is immune to insults is a guarantee of unshakable self-esteem and a strong character!

It is unpleasant for me to hear feedback from those who do not appreciate my work, like any other person. Especially if a lot of energy and moral strength is invested in this work. But often it was from these reviews that I had some kind of breakthrough in understanding: powerful emotions they kept me from forgetting what they said to me, and I returned to those hurtful words again and again. But gradually the veil of emotions subsided, and the truth was exposed. I have seen that even the most offensive criticism can contain some sound grain. A person's angry reaction may be due to his personal problems, but at the same time, it can be caused by something in me and point to something. Let his personal perception greatly distorted what he was trying to tell. But I can take his message and decipher it, strip it of everything unnecessary, and use it for myself!

Therefore, remember that whatever criticism is: mild or aggressive, truthful or inadequate, motivated by love or hatred, it can all be useful for you! You can find grains of truth in it. And even if you don’t find it, it will temper and strengthen your ego. Therefore, always thank people for criticism (not necessarily in words, you can do it in your mind), because they are doing you an invaluable service, even if they themselves do not know about it!

Rule 11 - Refer to statistics

Criticism is often subjective. Instead of losing peace of mind because of the opinion of a single person, think about what other people think about the subject of criticism? If someone has criticized your work, then find out how your other colleagues appreciated it. If someone criticized you personally, remember what your friends think of you. They communicate with you, love and respect you despite all your shortcomings. You can also ask yourself what do you think about yourself and your work? Do you also have great right to vote and to participate in these statistics! Often we worry so much about the opinion of another person that we forget to ask ourselves what we really think about it.

Opinions are subjective, we all know this very well, but we do not use this knowledge. Thousands of laudatory reviews about us and about our work can pass us by, unnoticed by us. But one and only negative feedback able to deprive us of mood for whole days! But such reviews will inevitably arise, especially if many people evaluate your work. (Remember Aristotle's aphorism at the beginning of the article?) This is natural. You can't be perfect. You can't please everyone.

Rule 12 - Don't get into pointless arguments

Try to listen to criticism if it's reasonable, and just ignore it if it's not true. This will save you time and nerves. In my article "" I wrote the following. When a person argues, his mind is fully focused on attacking the opponent or defending his own point of view. He is not interested in the truth, he either defends himself or attacks, being unable to understand and perceive. This makes it difficult to benefit from criticism and improve, and also gives rise to many unpleasant emotions.

Of course, pointless arguments should be avoided, but this does not mean that in situations where the public is waiting for your answer, any, even the most unfair criticism, should be silently accepted. Sometimes, however, one should pay attention to the shortcomings of criticism or its inconsistency with its subject.

Rule 13 - React when needed

In this article, I wrote how important it is to accept someone else's criticism, listen to it, and show respect. But there are situations when criticism turns into rudeness and insult. And you need to respond to this in accordance with the situation. If someone offended you on the Internet - pass by. If in real life someone regularly offends you, then you can’t just endure it silently. I hope that your wisdom will tell you how to act in this situation.

Other people's opinion of you is not always based on real facts. Sometimes it is only the result of their personal conjectures, the projection of their fears onto you. It happens that people have a negative impression of your personality or of your work as a result of a cursory impression, their tendency to generalize and not see the whole. Often a person's opinion of you, expressed in criticism, is only his personal problem, and not yours, even if there is some truth in this opinion.

Feel free to take this truth, use it for your needs. And leave all the bitterness and anger to the critic himself, let them stay with him!

Remember, opinions about you only exist in other people's minds, and more often than not, they stay there if you don't let them in. Give people the right to carry in their heads any thoughts and any opinions they want! Do not make a big deal out of the fact that this opinion is just that, and not some other.

But, nevertheless, one should not avoid responding to any criticism. Sometimes you may be criticized simply to annoy you, or simply out of a desire to offend you. Such criticism can be intrusive and annoying, and should not be left as is, but reacted to.

In many situations, you still have to defend your opinion, cut off unfair attacks and defend yourself. If you have to do it, then do it with a calm heart, without undue indignation. Be persistent in defending your opinion where the situation calls for persistence, without losing tact and listening skills.

Rudeness or rudeness, taking us by surprise, knocks us out of the usual life rut for a long time. As a result, spoiled mood. And in my head all the time scrolling thoughts how it was necessary to answer, whether he behaved correctly?

Let's see what is right and what is wrong in this situation. And How should you respond to rudeness?

First, let's find out why people are rude. For clarification, we turn to psychologists. So, they believe that by using rudeness or rudeness, a person is trying to force others to reckon with him, to respect himself. The rude man is sure that in this way he demonstrates strength. Although, in fact, this is a manifestation of weakness. Unwillingness, inability and lack of understanding of how to win over people in a different way.

React to rudeness?

Imagine a stump that is next to the path. For some reason, he often interferes with people, as if standing in the way. And there are many who want to just kick him. If the stump is old and rotten, but it is not difficult not only to hit it, but also to destroy it. If he is strong, then you can beat off the leg.

Let's draw an analogy with our life. If a person reacts emotionally to rudeness, he opens up and becomes vulnerable. It breaks easily, like a rotten stump. Staying calm, not showing the mind that you are hurt, you can adequately get out of the situation. Realizing that he attacked the wrong person, seeing yours, the offender will quickly leave you alone.

When do you need to answer?

Often people, without realizing it, ask tactless questions. Such, for example: Why are you not married? And how old are you? Sometimes, they make incorrect remarks, such as: “You have recovered again or“ This color does not suit you. ” This is also human stupidity and rudeness.

In this case the best choice will answer a question with a question. And do not be afraid to use your sharp tongue and wit too. Those who do not have such a gift can pretend that what is happening has nothing to do with them. And keeping an indifferent look to pass by.

How else can you answer?

Let's listen again to the opinion of psychologists. They say that the main thing is not to let the storm of emotions take over you. This is where some assertive behavior techniques come in handy. What's this? Everything is simple! For example, repeat out loud the flaws that you are accused of, but from your own point of view. It is not only effective, but also spectacular! The attacking person is ready for battle, and you go to the "safe haven". Hearing, for example: “Yes, I shifted the documents, but forgot to warn,” he will freeze in indecision. If he keeps going like this, keep going. Sooner or later, he will realize that it is useless to be rude further. You will also look like an innocent victim.

Rudeness

This is one of the types of unjustified aggression directed at a person or a group of people. It is important to learn to give a worthy response to rudeness without losing the feeling dignity.

The correct actions against rudeness will be the following:

not to notice

If there is an opportunity, then it is better to simply ignore the boor than respond to an insult. Pretend you haven't heard, act like it doesn't concern you, and the offender will quickly lose interest in you. After all, such a person is waiting for a response, and rudeness, but it simply will not happen. No…
Do not show your resentment. Why give boor pleasure. Calmly say that you are uncomfortable with his words.

regret

If you can not leave the barbs unnoticed - do the unexpected. Have pity on this person. It is immediately clear that he has problems and considerable ones, since he behaves in this way. If you treat him as wretched, it is clear that plans for you will change dramatically. But here you have to be careful. Sometimes pity can cause a violent reaction from the offender.

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No matter how strange it may sound, but rudeness is great opportunity show off your wit. Load it with philosophy, ask an unexpected, purely rhetorical question. It is unlikely that a rude person will understand what they want to convey to him, but he will definitely be discouraged. For example: “Confucius said that good should be repaid with good, and evil with justice. And what do you think?" Another question...

Aerobatics is to respond to rudeness with a sharp joke. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of this. Therefore, if witticisms do not come to mind, then simply switch to a jokingly sympathetic tone: “Do you want to be rude? Why do you need it?

An eye for an eye

Many people think that rudeness should also be answered harshly. But think about the fact that, going on about emotions, you become on the same level as a rude. it short cut to turning himself into a boor. Do you need it? Of course not! And don't let others do it! If you hear humiliating remarks about what is dear to you, do not tolerate such an attitude. You were badly served public place- let me know. Only people with a slavish worldview are tolerated.

Rudeness in the virtual world

While communicating on the Internet, we often encounter negative statements, read unflattering comments. Not much fun to see this on your page. However, heed the advice: do not answer the rude. By doing so, you will not shake the void. It's completely absurd to be upset about evil words stranger. These are inadequate and unfortunate people who already have a hard time living. They want to attract attention, evoke emotions and grab someone else's energy. Don't let them empty you. Understand that this person has nothing to do with you personally. best practice is a complete disregard.

The way the above tips will help you in right moment and they will tell how to respond to rudeness.

Any of us sometimes have to deal with human rudeness and listen to our hurtful words and expressions. Someone has a tense situation at home, while someone is very unlucky with work, where a scandalous atmosphere prevails, ready at any moment to explode with a stream of abuse and insults. So how to respond to rudeness and rudeness?

Why is it necessary to respond to rudeness, and not be silent?

Psychologists have established that every aggressive trick from the outside gives rise to normal person auto-aggression, eventually resulting in a depressive mood, decreased performance, low self-esteem, etc. Such a reaction of the body does not bring anything good with it, and, therefore, you need to learn effective protection from manifestations of alien aggression and the correct reaction to it.

Reasons for rude behavior

One of the most common causes gross attacks on a person is his underdeveloped. Such people are much more likely to become victims of rudeness than strong and self-confident individuals. Hams and brutes differ quite well developed flair and will never contact someone who can give them a decent answer.

If in front of them is a person from a different category, then why not amuse yourself and say something rude to him. Most often, the following types of people fall into the number of offended:

• highly cultured and brought up in the old traditions;
• having low self-esteem;
• trying to avoid conflict situations;
• With high feeling guilt;
• afraid of hurting and offending other people.

In this situation, the reaction to rudeness can be different, but you should first work on your own so as not to be a constant victim of poorly educated citizens. gaining inner strength forever relieve third-party aggression, because strong man cannot be attacked.

Helpful Hints

No one wants to just put up with the rudeness and rudeness that you can hear in public transport, at work, online, and just on the street.

No need to play the role of a victim, but learn to respond correctly to aggression towards you.

Obviously, for most people, rudeness towards them can negatively affect well-being, self-esteem and performance.

How to respond to rudeness

To be able to respond to rudeness, you first need to work on increasing self-esteem.

It is worth noting that being rude to a person with strong spirit not easy.

And yet, if you urgently need to learn how to communicate with a boor, you can use one or more methods of struggle.

responses to rudeness

calmness

When talking with like people you should never show them that you are confused. Try to express your point of view frankly, firmly and openly.

Try not to get defensive and speak calmly and relaxed.

Most often, rude people are weak, envious people who are difficult to get used to honesty and calmness, and sometimes do not know these words at all. They take energy for their negativity precisely from those people who succumb to rudeness and begin to get nervous. Don't let them feed on your nervousness.

sneezing

This method is more suitable as a reaction to prolonged rudeness.

If the person who is being rude to you can't stop, you might as well help them do it.

To begin with, try to listen to him calmly, until he himself is convinced that he is right. After that, sneeze loudly and defiantly - there will be a short pause in which you calmly say the phrase: "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit" and politely add: "So where did you end up?"

Aikido

Simply put: you to me, I to you. This method transfers the negativity of your interlocutor to him. You just need to agree with his attacks on you, thank you for the time and effort spent to emphasize your shortcomings.

You can even praise the interlocutor for attentiveness and those "advice" that you heard. Do it calmly and try not to show the causticity of your phrases.

It is worth noting that the more witnesses to the conflict will be, the better for you, because. a rude person is unlikely to receive the necessary approval from the outside, and most likely will cause laughter and jokes in his address.

boredom

A similar method can be used by administrators of forums, sites, blogs and groups in social networks. networks.

Although most community members are familiar with general rules, some still deliberately violate them, after which they express dissatisfaction in the personal accounts of administrators due to the fact that they were denied access.

After all the arguments are over, these characters move on to outright rudeness and rudeness.

It's easiest to just ban, but if you want to prove you're right, try not to be emotional, describe in detail all the errors of the offender. At first, the interlocutor will resist and continue to "have fun" with rudeness, but when he realizes that they are communicating with him dryly, without emotions, he will simply fall behind.

Ignoring

Perhaps the most famous and simplest method of dealing with rudeness. Sometimes silence is not only effective and safe, but also beautiful.

If you don’t need anything from a rude person, or you are simply not psychologically ready to enter into a debate with him, or if the “interlocutor” is simply out of his mind and can harm your health, just ignore him. Rude people want to win your attention, do not give them this joy.

It is worth noting that it is also necessary to ignore correctly. No need to include an offensive look and sighs- These are signals that you paid attention to him. Do not show any emotions, a boor is an empty place for you.

How beautiful to respond to rudeness

There are several phrases that can be used when "skirmish" with a rude:

"Excuse me, is that all?"

"I had a better opinion of you"

"Rudeness doesn't suit you"

"Do you want a polite answer or the truth?"

"Why are you trying to look worse than you really are?"

"Like everyone else, I also have bad days. Don't be upset, you will succeed"

"Yes, of course, come in. May luck be on your side" (in case someone climbs out of line)

"It doesn't sound like the role is right for you. What do you really want?"

"Thank you for showing interest in my person"

"You want to hurt me? For what?"

How to respond to an insult

If you are accidentally or intentionally scolded, you should not take these words literally and take everything personally.

Understand that if someone who insulted you has Bad mood or is he just not well educated, this does not mean that you are to blame.

In order to be able to respond correctly to insults, you must, first of all, know that the person who insults you is possible ways, he himself is a victim, namely the victim of the obstinacy of his character.

Most often, those who "attack" and try to humiliate others are weak individuals who are simply not able to cope with negative emotions, which inspires them to splash out everything on others.

What to do in response to an insult

If insulted by a stranger

The best option is to ignore it. Just try not to notice the one who is trying to offend you. Of course, there are times when you need to act differently, but most often you need to act as if the stranger is not there, and his words are empty words.

If offended by a loved one

From the very beginning, try to dot the "I". You should calmly and directly tell him that the words spoken hurt you. The right step would be to discuss the situation.

If offended by a work colleague/boss

Under this set of circumstances, try to carefully avoid the conflict. If a colleague relentlessly insults and silence you does not help, try to answer with a neutral barb.

In the case of the boss, conflicts are not needed, which means that you do not respond to insults. Instead, imagine your manager as a naughty and pugnacious little child.

In your head, pat him on the head, feed him porridge and help him sit on the potty. This is the way psychologists recommend. You will not only endure insults, but also gain good mood, or at least it will bring a smile on your part and increase your efficiency. In addition, the boss may also pay attention to your stamina.

How to respond to an insult

The person who is trying to insult you wants to assert himself, stand out, which means you need to give him a cold answer, "Well, did you assert yourself at my expense?".

Listening to such a person, try to understand what the goal is, why they want to offend you.

* If you do not know how to respond to an insult, then you need to know one important thing - not wellit is necessary to reach mutual insults and rash reactions.

In addition to looking silly, you are also susceptible to manipulation, which can end up being a trap for you. You don't have to play by the rules that are imposed on you.

*Another main rule - respond to rudeness calmly without losing self-respect. But, it is worth noting that the cultural response to the "attack" of the boor most often does not produce any effect, because. The game takes place on someone else's territory and not by your rules.

* When it comes to trolling, or other similar situations, it is best to ignore the offender.

* It happens that you need to answer, but you obviously know that all your arguments simply will not work against a stubborn rude. In this case, the most the best option will be turn around and leave.

* The person who insulted you or is trying to do so may just have a bad day. Therefore, with you enough to ask: "Bad day?" . If a person is adequate, he will agree and may even ask for forgiveness.

But, when it comes to a troll, then such a question is not only inappropriate, but can also lead to additional insults against you.

* More often than not, responding to an insult is not a good strategy, and you can get away with it by simply asking the person in a neutral way about what they just said to you. Try to pretend that you did not hear his words or did not pay attention to them. In this case, only a frank boor will continue his "attacks".

* If you find yourself in a situation where it is simply necessary to answer the offender, or you are strangled by the desire to do so, do not rush at him. The main thing is to be calm, cold in words and expressions. It is desirable to suppress insults with witty remarks and only after the interlocutor has finished his monologue.

* Sometimes an insult is more like a mockery. In this case, perhaps the best option would be to answer in the form of a joke, which not only does not offend the person, but also maintains a normal relationship.

One of common mistakes, which people allow, is an attempt to justify, they say, "no, you're wrong, it's not my fault". Firstly, such a strategy can make you humiliated, and secondly, trying to justify yourself is simply pointless, because. an excuse, as a rule, no one listens.

uncomfortable questions

"How much?", "When will you get married?", "What is your salary?"- these questions are annoying, and despite the fact that asking them is a bad form, some still cannot restrain themselves.

Several situations can be considered, but first we note a few universal answers.

How to original answer

- "I'm amazed at your ability to ask questions that can lead to a dead end!"

- "You amazing woman(the male). I was always amazed by your ability to ask uncomfortable (correct, difficult, rhetorical) questions!"

- "I'll be happy to try to answer your question, just answer you first, why are you so interested in this?"

- "And for what purpose are you interested in this?"

"Do you really want to talk about it?" If the answer is yes, then simply answer: "And I'm not very" - and end the dialogue with a smile.

If a person is not very pleasant to you, and you have no desire to communicate with him, especially after an incorrect question, you can coldly answer: "That's my fucking business."

- Ask again: "I understand correctly that ..."

Questions about money

When you face an unpleasant question, you have every right not to give the interlocutor any specific answer. For example, to the question "How much do you earn?" you can evade the answer "Like most average salary industry (significantly less than Abramovich)".

You can also answer this question with a counter question. For example, to the question "How much is the jacket?" you can ask the interlocutor how much his jacket costs. Another way to answer this question is significantly overestimate or underestimate the figure and then turn the conversation into a joke.

Questions about work

"What do you do?", "What do you do at work?".

When answering similar questions, psychologists advise you to name the profession that can give you more confidence in what you are doing. If your work is different, you are doing a lot of different things, you can sort out all the work for the month on the shelves. This way you will know what takes the most time.

Questions about personal life

"Why is there no girl (boyfriend)?", "When is the wedding?", "Why haven't you got married yet?".

Do not take such matters seriously. In response, you can ask the interlocutor why such an unusual question came to his mind. In this case, the interlocutor will be in an awkward situation.

There is another option - just answer directly as it is. For example, to the question "Why one more (one)?" proudly admit that you are patiently looking for your soul mate, who would not leave you in difficult times.

The third option would be "mirroring". For example, "Do I understand correctly that you don't mind holding a candle over my bed?" , or "... that, today, your main task is to discuss my personal life?" , or "... that interest in other people's troubles is in the order of things for you?"

How to respond to rudeness

Hams can be found everywhere. These are people who often experience pressure on themselves, which leads to rudeness as a defense weapon.

Why are they rude

Reason 1: Despair

A person has a bad day - so he is rude. For example, a saleswoman who is tired for the whole working day, a client, a colleague, brought to stress.

Most often, such people, after throwing out all the anger on someone, feel guilty about themselves and may even apologize.

If you decide in such a situation to respond with the same weapon, then the feeling of guilt will go away and the person will think that being rude is normal.

Reason 2: Self-affirmation

When a boor humiliates another person, he feels superior to him, especially if this person, for one reason or another, cannot fight back the offender.

Usually such boors have, albeit not great, but still power. They believe that they can just take out their anger on those who depend on them and get away with it with impunity.

Reason 3: Wanting to be seen

If rudeness is an integral part of a person, then its roots can be hidden in childhood.

A child always wants attention and love from his parents. If he does not receive this, then he begins to be rude, so that at least somehow they pay attention to him. With age, a person uses the same strategy.

Responses to rudeness

Method 1: You don't have to take everything you say personally.

Often a person who is rude does not do it specifically to you - rather, it is anger at the world in general: ill-mannered youth, men are goats, etc. and only the rude man himself is white and fluffy.

One can only sympathize with such a boor, because. the world he lives in is not easy to live in. Remember, each person sees the world differently. If a boor says that you are an uneducated person, you can try to refute his statement with your knowledge, but this is unlikely to succeed.

Method 2: Ham should not become the master of the situation

Try not to give the boor power over the situation so that they do not feel stronger.

If your boss is rude to you, and it is impossible to get away from this, think about the fact that you are not chained to him for life. You are not a slave, you are only professionally doing your job, i.e. you help him to carry out the work, which means that you can call yourself a partner in a certain business. You can demand more respect for yourself, because. you have every right to do so.

Method 3: Remember your rights

When you are rude in a public place, then you need to fight not with the offenders, but with their superiors.

Find out the name, surname, position and contacts. You can ask for a book of complaints, if there is one. If this does not help, try contacting a consumer protection society or a lawyer.

Use your weapons - human rights and leverage. This method is suitable if the boor is an official, manager, waiter, security guard and other representatives of large organizations

Method 4: turn on your imagination

Try to imagine an offender behind a glass wall: you see him, you notice that he is saying something, but you simply do not hear.

You can also imagine a boor in the form of a big fish in an aquarium: it seems that he moves his lips, moves his fins, but it is not clear why all this is.

If you watched the movie "The Matrix", then remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling with a ringing on the floor.

Method 5: Try to contact the boor

Try to find out the reason for the aggression. For example, you can say: "Now you are rude to me, why do you need this?" or "You have a smile on your face and you say mean things, so I haven't figured out how to respond to your words yet."

Perhaps the person who heard you will consider his actions, look at himself from the outside and rethink his behavior. You can use this method when communicating with people with whom you will have to meet and talk more than once - work colleagues, acquaintances, relatives.

There is a chance that a person will look at himself from the outside and rethink something in his behavior.

How beautiful to respond to rudeness

Rudeness can be well treated with politeness, which scares boors, forcing them to be careful when communicating:

- "You see, dear, I do not intend (a) to communicate with you in such a tone"

- "Dear, you may have confused me with someone"

If the boor cannot stop in any way, after all your attempts, then save your nerves, wish him all the best and leave the place of conversation.

Sometimes a boor needs to be put in place, otherwise you will make them stronger with your silence. A good answer can close the mouth of a boor. But remember, to be rude to rudeness does not put you higher.

Try to use humor. If you are being rude, smile and say "Well, you and blockhead (fool, idiot)!" Such an act can anger the boor even more, whose reaction will make you laugh.

Smiling back often irritates a boor, so smile sincerely.

- "You deign to be rude to me ... Why? Is your goal to offend me? Why?"

Answer so that your word is the last and then the rudeness will stop.

Pay no attention to the boor. Imagine a scenario in your head: "You are a leaf by the road ... Everything passes by and nothing hurts you" .

The reaction to insults can tell a lot about how sustained and socially adapted a person is. The most important thing is not to lose your temper when you hear aggressive statements.

Such behavior will always ensure an even and elated mood, as well as endurance and high performance. But the offender, in turn, will once again think about his behavior.

Often people find themselves in a position where someone offends them and makes you feel stressed with yelling and insults. In this case, care must be taken equally both about your nervous system, and about how to influence the offender and prevent him from "sit on his head." After all, how events will develop in the future largely determines the reactions of the person whom they are trying to offend.

What is important to remember when you hear unpleasant words?

The one who has been attacked should understand that the offender is also a victim, a victim of his severe nature. Most often, a person who does not have to offend another is morally weak. Yes, he is trying unleash your aggression out and get rid of negative emotions eating it from the inside.

In most cases, the offender falls under the dependence of the one he is trying to offend. This often happens to people in leadership positions. It happens that they try to offend a complete stranger. How the current situation will be resolved depends, first of all, on how the one they are trying to unbalance will react to the offense.

Possible reactions

A person who responds to insults in the same way delays the resolution of the conflict. Thus, a person not only discredits himself, but also harms his nervous system.

The best response to an insult will be a calm response and an attempt to explain that the offender is mistaken. This has a sobering effect. In addition, such a line of behavior allows you to put out the fire of negative experiences.

If it is very difficult to force yourself to react in this way, then you can turn away from the offender without uttering a word, because you should not forget that the psyche of the offender is unbalanced.

If the situation allows, it is best to retire and keep doing what you love. negative energy shoot instantly. Washing your face and drinking water is also a good alternative. There are people who find it easier to get rid of resentment if they cry. It's also better than carrying negativity in you.

But one must also be careful with tears, because if they transform into hysterics, they overload nervous system. The calm reaction of a person who cannot be pissed off will not only add respect to the one they are trying to offend in the eyes of others, but will also make the offender unarmed. If the offender observes the worthy behavior of his "victim", then he is unlikely to want to continue insulting her.