The result of numerous answers was his concept of 6 rules, following which you can live without tormenting yourself and others. A word to a psychologist.

“Let’s first talk about why these 6 rules came about. How to answer the question What is love?

it difficult topic. Legally, a parent is responsible for their children, but psychologically, you can give your child a chance to answer for himself. In life, it turns out that anxious people try to preemptively understand how their behavior will affect the other person. No need! He will tell you himself if he doesn't like something.

Ideally, a person should focus on himself. If he loves himself, he argues like this: I'm good, which means I can't hurt anyone.

It doesn't matter if it's true or not. As soon as he focuses on other people, he falls, and he becomes dependent on the opinions of others. You can only focus on yourself, but for this you must be able to trust yourself. A very simple example: . If she wants to develop self-confidence, she should not call the saleswoman and ask her opinion. Yes, it will be difficult at first, but you need to learn how to make decisions yourself. Start small - then this skill will move to more global issues. This is how people begin to respect their actions.

How is this skill formed in a person initially? And why don't many people have it?

Parents should consider their child from the very first days: what does he want for breakfast? what does he want to wear? What does he want to play? From the age of 6, children themselves can choose their own clothes in the store (of course, within the budget and objective needs). And then the child is early age begins to understand what he really wants.

There are two problems with realizing your desires. The first is ambivalence. If an adult cannot make a choice, then his parents never cultivated his desires. And now it's torn apart! He wants 10 different things at the same time. The second problem is ignorance of your desires. A person simply does not understand what he wants - it means that his parents made all the decisions for him in childhood.

But this is not a sentence! You can learn to make decisions the same way you learn to walk, step by step. Make small choices every day—choices you can’t change later. Back to the woman in the fitting room: She can't return or exchange it. Decisions made must be brought to an end. It requires great job above yourself - everything that your mother did not do in childhood, now you must do it yourself.

6 rules of Mikhail Labkovsky work!

*Mikhail Labkovsky writes about himself:

“A practicing psychologist with 30 years of experience, and for the last 20 years also a TV and radio host. Born in Moscow, he entered the Faculty of Psychology in the hope of solving his own problems, learned how to solve them, realized that he could earn money with this. was a teacher and school psychologist, including in famous school(now 1543) about which the film "Tender Age" was shot. For some time he lived, studied and worked in Israel. He received his second degree in psychology there. In Jerusalem, he was engaged in negotiations between spouses who are getting divorced and at the same time sharing children and property. In Russia, such a specialty - Family Mediation Service - does not yet exist as a mediator, which is a pity. At the Jerusalem City Hall, he was a staff psychologist for the juvenile service in juvenile colonies. I am absolutely sure that you need to live in such a way that it is pleasant; and in order to be pleasant, you need to do only what you want, and what you don’t want to do - don’t do it! And that's how I live."

“Women are more likely to find themselves in a situation where they have to sacrifice themselves”

Six rules of psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky - without exaggeration, a trend today. The ladies were the first to peck: still, these postulates free us from the disgusting and endless “shoulds” - “endure for the sake of children”, “but you are married, and everyone is lonely around”, etc.

The ancient commanders said: "Do what you must, and come what may"; the modern military leader from psychology made an amendment: do as you like - and come what may.

Labkovsky frees us from conventions in exactly six steps - but what about the sense of duty imbibed with mother's milk, with spiritual growth through suffering, with the usual "I can't through"? And I considered it my duty to knock on the door of a free-thinker psychologist with the question: for what purpose are you planting? Where do such sentiments come from?

Help "MK":“Mikhail Labkovsky is a psychologist with 35 years of experience, who, due to personal circumstances, some time ago changed classical psychoanalysis to the author’s method, which shocked many by the fact that it gives out “indulgence” precisely in those situations where we were taught from the cradle to say to ourselves: “We must!”

Labkovsky calls to love yourself as you are, even in inaction and failures. Labkovsky's 6 rules are extremely simple, but they radically change lives:

1. Do only what you want

2. Don't do what you don't want to do

3. Immediately talk about what you don’t like

4. Do not answer when not asked

5. Answer only the question

6. Finding out the relationship, talk only about yourself.

Labkovsky owns such formulas healthy self-esteem and happy life as: “A healthy person loves only those who love him. All others are of no interest to him. "Concessions - a direct road to a cardiologist or oncologist." "You are not loved because you bend." “There are not only people, but entire countries without complexes.”

Labkovsky urges every minute of his life to do only what he likes, and do not care in advance what others think about it, otherwise instead of money and love there will be illness and depression. And in a relationship that you don’t like, you need to say only once, and if nothing has changed, goodbye.

Mikhail Labkovsky. Photo from personal archive

Knowing that Mikhail Labkovsky fundamentally does not tell anyone about himself, before meeting him, I collected a dossier - how open sources, and from the lips of patients who gave me information under the heading "strictly secret." And she reminded herself that male charisma I am no longer fooled: the years are not the same. After all, it turned out that most of Mikhail's patients were in love with him - both secretly and openly. And when asked what is so special about him, the ladies are almost unanimous: “There is something in the look - interest ... And some kind of internal breakdown is felt!”

Well, an old recipe for Casanova: a little personal dark secret, a pinch of intellect and a lot of attention to the counterpart ...

I didn’t set out to draw up rules for girls at all - for those who want to get a divorce, or, on the contrary, want to get married ... My rules are for everyone.

It just so happened that women often find themselves in a situation where they have to sacrifice themselves - for the sake of children, in order to be married, etc. This forms a neurosis. That's why I say to everyone: live the way you yourself like it, and only this way.

Within the same species, individuals cannot be different, so it is incorrect to say, for example, that men are polygamous and women are not. Both are polygamous, it’s just that each person proceeds from his own circumstances and understanding of what is good, what is bad, what is possible, what is impossible ... And depending on this, he either lives full life or neurotic.

It is possible that over time, the institution of monogamous marriage will completely die out. But not to die with him - we must proceed from our own internal needs and not depend on anyone.

- I will quote Anna Karenina: “Oh God, what will Dolly and Kitty say ?!”

And don't care what they say. People are not loved because they bend. And when a woman bends over to get married or because he is already a husband, this makes the situation even worse. You will be just for a man empty space if you can't tell who you are, what you are and what you like for breakfast.

If you constantly try to please, to level all conflicts, this is, first of all, harmful for a woman. According to statistics, single men live less than married men, and married women live less than single people.

The manner adopted in Russia to yield to a man in everything is one of the manifestations of fear. The advice of the mother-in-law and grandmother is nothing more than the realization of the fear of losing her husband, being left alone, and even without money. I do not approve of this behavior. He fell in love with you because you are you, because you were yourself. Where did everything go? Why does a girl at 16 send everyone to hell, and at 40 she is already sitting, not breathing and waiting for someone to pick her up?

But, they say, the personal freedom of each ends where the life of another person begins. Here is a man who decided to stop being neurotic and said goodbye to his partner. And he suffers. It turns out that he ruined the life of another. And the sense of duty, compassion?

No one has yet been happy from the fact that they are next to him through force! Here is a man, he does not like everything - his wife, home, country ... His whole life does not suit him. He does nothing, but lives and suffers, justifying himself with the principle “So it is necessary!”. Such a person does not accept the situation, and does not change it, but sits in it and suffers. He is neurotic and cannot make anyone happy.

No need to force yourself to love, win. If a healthy person communicates with you, loves you, lives with you, then this is his conscious choice. Only a person with a stable psyche can live with one partner all his life. Not only to live, but also to love him alone.

Now the meaning of your postulate “a healthy person does not want to get married” has been revealed. Men, apparently, are healthier than women, so they don’t want to get married more often, and women are sick, that’s why they rush into marriage ...

A healthy person marries or marries out of love and mutual desire, and not because "it is necessary." The only “must” is to accept yourself in any form, with or without a stamp, with or without a job, with or without money ...

- That is, you can force yourself to accept the situation and start to rejoice? Do you teach it?

Accept what you cannot change. For example, age, disability, the personality of the parents ... If this is not accepted, one will have to suffer from their presence day after day - and this is a typical lot of a neurotic. You still need to accept and love yourself, and then you, beloved by yourself, will be able to change the whole world at your discretion. You will see it from a different angle. And I only propose to return to that moment of life when the neurotic reaction was fixed, and to destroy it.

- And how to understand when it was?

Most often, neurotic reactions are fixed up to 5–8 years of age as a result of the behavior of parents. It's very simple: certain repetitive actions cause you to repeat reactions - and once this reaction is fixed, staying with you forever. adult life, unless it is deliberately destroyed. For example, parents quarrel and yell all the time, their child experiences fear at the same time ...

And one day this fear is fixed, and this grown-up witness of parental scandals in adulthood lives with fear - not only of scandals, but also of loud sounds, and other people's opinions, and is generally afraid to open his mouth once again ... And so they become neurotics - people who have internal conflict and those suffering from it. And when a person ceases to be a neurotic, his state changes - and everything around him changes. For him.

Here, for example, in this age period, my mother took care of me in detail, and it seemed to me that she was suppressing me. As an adult, I unconsciously resist any attempt to take care of me, suspecting that they want to deprive me of my freedom. Is it a neurotic reaction?

Yes, definitely. Your mother is an anxious neurotic herself, but she did not at all think that she somehow offended you by this, she had to deal with her fear.

Remembering those of my emotions, I gave my daughter the right to vote and the right to choose at the same age. And years later, instead of thanking her, she heard that she was "deprived of a carefree childhood."

You have a different psyche, you are not interested in petty guardianship. And the fact that your daughter perceives this as neglect is her own neurotic reaction, while you simply have different ideas about the relationship between daughter and mother.

My recommendations are a vector, according to which everyone should first of all take care of himself, then he will not poison the lives of others. It's like on an airplane, when the flight attendant gives safety instructions: first put the oxygen mask on yourself, and then on the child. Because a panting adult is of little use.

And by and large, people have all the problems are divided into 3 categories: 1) personal; 2) problems in relationships (both with the opposite sex and with everyone else - with children, parents, colleagues, friends, etc.); 3) the problems of children are not relations with them, but directly children's problems.

- What about the professional ones?

There is no profession as such - there is a sphere in which a person applies his knowledge and skills, communicates in a certain team, brings (or does not bring) benefits, is realized or not. So the problems at work are categorized as personal - that is, related to the person's personality.

If Grandma Had Balls, She Would Be Grandpa...

Our hero believes that this formula contains the answer to all questions from the series “But if yes, if only ...”

They say that people go to psychologists out of compensatory motives. Hoping to solve their own problems, being on the other side of the barricades. Are you also “from psychos to psychologists”?

All psychologists are "psychos" to some extent, I do not argue. Ideas - from the head, yet 35 years of experience, rich experience. I have worked in total 10 years as a teacher and psychologist in high school. Then - in the evening school of the city of Jerusalem.

There was a time when I smoked maliciously, loved those women who looked through me, could not build relationships with my daughter - in general, I was a typical neurotic. But one day I realized this and changed first myself, and then the method of my therapy.

I used to love psychoanalysis - now I have an author's technique. I realized that I don't like smoking, but I can't stop doing it because I'm addicted to it - and soon quit. Stopped loving those who don't love me. And as soon as I changed, my relationship with my daughter improved.

- Nothing about your wife and family... How many children do you have?

As my daughter says when she needs something from me: “Well, I’m your only daughter ... of those you know!” I broke up with her mother, my wife, 20 years ago and have been free ever since. My daughter is 30 and recently married.

- Now there are many discussions about the need and functions of psychologists in schools. What do you think about it?

When I first came to school as a psychologist, no one knew what he should do, there was just such a bet. And I led elementary grades, Code of Criminal Procedure and general school psychology. I changed several schools, including working in the 43rd, about the events in which Sergei Solovyov’s film about teenage problems “Tender Age” was shot, his son was just studying with us.

I was also a psychologist at an evening school in Jerusalem. I remember her with stabbings every other day and fights along national and racial lines.

- And what, you separated?

Well, I'm a fool, right? I was watching. But now I know for sure: the school needs a psychologist! Moreover, today his duties are clearly spelled out. In Israel, for example, in addition to a psychologist, there are also consultants in schools - these are teachers who have completed psychology courses, who at any time are ready to communicate with a student, talk, listen, no matter how insignificant their problems may be. Communicating is their job, and sometimes it's really enough to talk to an "independent expert" about a problem.

In general, with the change in the style of therapy, I also changed my attitude to the issue. school psychology. I used to think that children are already the way they are, and nothing can be changed. But it turned out - you can, and a lot! It's like with diseases that were previously considered incurable, but are now treatable.

Today, only sociopaths are intractable - they are the most of prison dwellers. These are people who go directly to their goal, making no distinction between "good" and "bad". For example, the guy killed the old woman at the station. They ask him why? And he: I asked her for money, but she didn’t give it, but I wanted to eat, so I had to kill and take away my wallet. For him, this is a natural chain of events leading to his goal.

- And what does the now fashionable word "ambivalence" mean?

This is a disturbing conflict between intrinsic motivations, inability to make choices and make decisions. Well, for example, you want to eat and poop at the same time. But you just can’t make a decision where to start, and in the end you do nothing, but sit and suffer from hunger and overcrowded intestines. And the word is fashionable because it is a diagnosis of almost a whole generation. Even in the distant 90s, the lads came to me with this. They wanted a normal family, and money, and a business, and that they had everything, and they didn’t have anything for it ...

And it happened to you: you are conducting an appointment, and suddenly the patient begins to flirt with you like a man. How will you do it? Who will wake up in you first: a psychologist or an interesting man?

Yes, both two! .. People need to meet halfway, if you yourself want it - see 6 rules! But only after therapy. Before and during it is impossible, and after the psychologist turns into an ordinary, normal, healthy man.

Why doesn't anyone want me?

- In my opinion, today there are three most painful questions for men and the same number for women. Answer?

Blitz only. Because each particular situation requires individual consideration, and general tips, suitable for everyone without exception, these are just my 6 rules.

- Okay, let's go. Women's issues. First: Why doesn't anyone want me?

Because she herself does not want and does not love. And he behaves in such a way that it is visible. Even if she is diligently engaged in improving her appearance. For love, there is no appearance - there is only character. And until a woman loves herself, and a man does not love her.

- Second: why does no one want me for a serious relationship?

Because she does not want herself for this relationship and subconsciously fears and avoids them. She behaves like a victim, understands that she is being used, but does not change anything, because she is afraid to lose that too. It is necessary to talk about what does not suit you in a relationship. But do not evaluate the partner, but evaluate your own perception - that is, instead of "You are a scoundrel because you do not give me gifts!" should be voiced: “I don’t feel loved because you don’t give me gifts.”

- Third: why do those who do not deserve me want me?

Because when she was a child, it seemed to her that her parents paid little attention to her, and she did everything to win this attention. And she felt happy when she managed to win back grains of attention. And attention without first winning it is no longer a joy. The neurotic reaction is fixed, and please: the girl wants those who do not look at her. And those who look after her without special tricks on her part seem to her "unworthy" of her attention.

Now let's go through the three sore points of men. First: I love my wife, we have great sex, but I still want other women from time to time - am I crazy?

Normal. And to change or not, you have to decide for yourself, based on the 1st rule - always do only what you want. But first, find out what you want more: go left or save your family? And if one contradicts the other ... choose what you want more!

- The second male pain: why do I not want anyone?

Well, if you're not born asexual (sex indifferent) and don't currently suffer from depression, maybe you spend too much time on the computer. The fact is that communication in social networks relieves stress, but increases desire. And if this desire is not satisfied for a long time, the feeling of loneliness only grows. And to satisfy a real desire in virtual space problematic ... Therefore, a person gradually gets used to helping himself. And he really doesn't want anyone anymore.

And the third, the most sick: how can I understand if I satisfy her? And how to determine the behavior of a woman that she is changing?

This is the question of an anxious, paranoid, insecure man. Of those who every time asks: have you finished? .. They don’t need to find out and determine anything - you need to relax and enjoy life. If your woman is with you, it means that she wants to be with you, what's the point of “defining” something there?

Even if there is no sex at all in a couple, but both partners do not see this as a problem, nothing needs to be done. And when someone alone declares a problem, about what worries him, it means that he has already begun to solve it. And if he eliminates it from his side and ceases to be a neurotic, then he himself will change, and his life, and healthy and happy ones will replace unhealthy neurotic relationships. And healthy ones are harmonious, where there is no such thing that one is fine, and the other is bad.

It is necessary to solve the problem from our side - regarding ourselves, to designate and defend our interests and priorities. This is how you need to behave every day, with everyone around you - friends, colleagues, bosses, parents, lovers. And gradually life will change ... And if each of us does this, then everyone will be happy and harmonious and will not solve their problems at the expense of others. For the simple reason that these “others”, who will allow you to decide something at their own expense, will also no longer exist - if, of course, they follow my 6 rules.

But how to apply your rules if, for example, a loved one suddenly becomes seriously ill and needs your care? Do you want to live the same easy life? How to choose between duty and desire?

Very simple! If you love him, you will want to make his life easier and will look after him without any coercion. And if you don't like him, then quit without any of my rules.

And what about the spiritual growth of the individual through suffering and disappointment in love and friendship, as described in classical literature?

Suffering does not make a person kinder and more spiritual - it only breeds aggression. However, just like reading, it is not a guarantee of spirituality: Stalin, for example, read 600 pages a day, including excellent poetry.

The Gospel says: “Love your neighbor as yourself!” When you love yourself, you live not according to someone else's orders, but according to your own will, you realize yourself as a person - this is spiritual growth. And the one who spits on everyone around him, obviously, does not care about himself either ... And in order to love someone, in principle, you must first learn to love yourself.

The Year of the Red Rooster is coming soon. I understand that you will meet him the way you want ... And what are your desires - quietly in a family way or, maybe, an orgy?

I think a quiet orgy will suit me. meet New Year I am different every time, but usually in Moscow. If I leave, then in the first days of January.

Of the most memorable New Year's nights, many years ago, in my student youth, my classmate, a graduate of a medical university, from December 31 to January 1, was put on duty in an ambulance on the old Arbat until 6 in the morning. We arrived after midnight. There was no more fun party that night in Moscow! It was cold outside, and they gladly climbed into his car to warm up. beautiful girls, and he has everything prepared there: medical alcohol, artificial respiration ...

And a few years ago I spent new year's eve on the Moscow River in the area Serebryany Bor. I remember that in one night and along the same river I rode a snowmobile, skating and a hovercraft. This boat first rode on the ice, and then rose above the ground and drove through the snow into the forest ... It was like in a fairy tale!

- a practicing psychologist with 35 years of experience, TV and radio host. He was born in Moscow, graduated Faculty of Psychology, worked school teacher and a psychologist. Then he lived in Israel, received a second degree in psychology, advised spouses who are getting divorced - they share children and property, and also worked with difficult teenagers.

Returning to Moscow, Labkovsky opened his own consultation, practices group, individual and family therapy. For eight years he hosted the program "Adults about Adults" on the Ekho Moskvy radio station, now he performs on the Kultura channel in Rules of Life and on the Silver Rain radio.

He tells and answers any questions about relationships between men and women, adults and children, self-love, addictions, jealousy, self-confidence and much more. Labkovsky formulated 6 rules that helped him solve his own problems and, he is sure, these rules help others.

6 rules of Labkovsky:

1. Do only what you want.

2. Don't do what you don't want to do.

3. Immediately talk about what you don't like.

4. Don't answer when not asked.

5. Answer only the question.

6. Finding out the relationship, talk only about yourself.

Of course, these rules raise many questions. How is it “do what you want”? We are used to the fact that everything is “necessary” to do: study well, earn money, get married, do exercises, and not wallow on the couch. Labkovsky believes that if we fail to live as we want, then we should deal with ourselves. We lack self-confidence, we do not love ourselves, in our adult life we ​​continue the relationships that developed with our parents in childhood. Our parents loved us the best they could, but they weren't happy either.

Labkovsky does not hide from his listeners that he studied poorly at school, his mother was harsh with him, he fell in love only with those women who did not pay attention to him, earned 69 rubles a month. But now he loves himself and the world around him, maybe we can do it too?

Mikhail Labkovsky answered a few questions for readers website:

They say, the main problem with which they turn to a psychologist, this is loneliness. What is loneliness, are you lonely?

There are many reasons. He was abandoned by his parents, he felt lonely. Parents were, but did not pay attention to him. Got in early childhood in some hospital for a week, felt abandoned and left there as an absolutely lonely child.

These emotions, the feeling of loneliness, arises when a person is not interested in himself. At the heart of loneliness lies a feeling of dislike of a person for himself. He does not love himself, he is not interested in himself, which means that others do not love him, he is not interesting to them.

You are often asked questions about the reason neurotic relationships between close people who seem to love each other, but at the same time they constantly swear and endure the brain. Anything can be a reason for a scandal: politics in Ukraine, put a mug in the wrong place, looked at the wrong person, didn’t call, but I was waiting. This can go on for years. Are people afraid to be alone and therefore continue these relationships?

Neurotic relationships are built on fear. That you will be abandoned, you will never have a family, no one will tolerate and accept you except this person. This is the fear of loneliness, the fear of lack of demand, the fear that I will not have close relationships.

Yes, this man is mocking me, but I still won’t meet another. Better that way than nothing. Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships for years? They were born in a neurotic environment, such were their parents, their relationship with their parents. And for these people, the need for suffering, sado-masochistic relationships are the norm.

Moreover, when they get out of this relationship, they suffer a lot and try to return them. Because love is in in a certain sense and there is the experience of these childhood emotions.

- How to get out of unhealthy relationships and never return to them?

- The psyche of the child is formed up to 5-8 years. He, for example, was formed as a lonely person, did not receive the expected love from his parents, got used to the fact that relationships are only neurotic. That they are dissatisfied with him, they yell at him, they don’t like him, they don’t pay attention, they constantly criticize him, they don’t accept him for who he is.

As an adult, a person enters into a relationship where all this exists, where he will be treated as in childhood. This is the tragedy of neurotics and unhealthy relationships. And in order to get out of them, a person needs to change his head. With this, you need to go to a psychologist - change psychology, mental reactions, neural connections. It's not easy, but it's real.

- What is a comfort zone, why is it needed, is it necessary to leave it?

- The comfort zone is a life in which a person feels familiar, comfortable, everything is familiar to him there. But the problem is that some happy family and great relationship, while others have alcoholism, screams, fights, conflicts, scandals, jealousy, suspicion. Depends on who grew up in what family.

And those who are doing well do not have to go anywhere, because they are doing well anyway. And in neurotics, the comfort zone is associated with neurosis. A person may not like constant clarification of relationships and conflicts when he treats them rationally. But he is mentally attached to this situation, he has had it since childhood. And it must be broken.

And imagine what kind of withdrawal a drug addict or alcoholic has when he decides to recover from addiction! So, people who are also dependent on neurotic relationships need to break these relationships in order to get out of their comfort zone. They also experience withdrawal because the psyche does not receive the usual dose of screaming, scandal, etc.

A person needs to get out of such a relationship, but this needs to be worked on. If he breaks an unhealthy situation, then there is a high probability that he will again step on the same rake in other respects. To consolidate success and help overcome this trauma after leaving a neurotic relationship, a psychologist is needed.

Some psychologists advise to think positively - think about the good, and a happy future will come. Do you agree with this?

If grandma had balls, it would be grandpa. People suffer from the fact that they cannot stop thinking about the bad because of their fear and anxiety. Therefore, the advice is very strange.

- Then the question of negative thinking. At the beginning of November, a depressive demonstration called "War - Unemployment - November" took place in St. Petersburg. Participants took to the streets with posters "You will not change anything", "Pain, emptiness, patriotism", "Born, suffered and died." You have recorded a video commentary for this demo. What are the causes of depression around the world, is the number of depressed people growing?

- One of the causes of global scale is instability, uncertainty in tomorrow in Europe. Between the first and second world wars, Europe was unstable, and after 1945 there was a huge period of time when everything was more or less calm in Europe and in the Soviet Union.

In the countries of the USSR, including Latvia, there was confidence in the future, with all the wretchedness Soviet power. Many did not like the authorities, but everyone knew that tomorrow you would go to work, get medical care, you will have money for travel, food. And in Europe there were no wars, there was an economic recovery, sometimes there were oil crises, but, basically, the 70s-90s were quite prosperous.

Now the world is in turmoil, finances in Europe have become much worse, so we don’t know if there will be work tomorrow or not. What will I eat tomorrow, what money will I use to feed my children. This instills anxiety, and anxiety leads to depression.

- It objective reasons depression, and what are subjective?

— Internal causes are the same because the number of people with depression remains the same. Like the number of homosexuals, it does not increase or decrease. But financial and economic instability in the world entails anxiety. When the psyche cannot digest information, depression occurs as a mental reaction to instability and anxiety.

- Is there a difference between your audience in Russia, London, Riga?

- There is a small one. I give lectures for the Russian-speaking public, although Latvians also come to Riga - when they ask questions, I hear an accent. People may be different. Some are more emotional, others less. The further north you go, the more reserved people are. The further south, the more emotionally active. But everyone's problems are the same - the loneliness you talked about unhealthy relationships, relationships with children and parents, lack of love and family and so on. It looks like this for everyone.

You said in an interview that you once received 69 rubles per month, and now you earn 600 euros per hour. How did you do it?

“To do that, you have to let go of fear. I earn money not a lot or a little, but as much as I want. I feel that I am comfortable working for some money, but uncomfortable for others. And although I am not engaged in any business, I appoint such a fee that suits me.

But when you behave like this, you should be prepared for the fact that people may not meet you halfway. And this is a matter of fear. And when you are not afraid, you are sure of yourself, you have a high self-evaluation, then everything works out. Fear destroys people: “What if they don’t pay me that much?”, “What if I offer to pay me that much money, but they don’t agree, what will I do then?”. As soon as fear starts, everything goes downhill.

- Before in your life everything was different. What happened?

- If a person has been working for 35 years, something must have happened. No wonder I wiped my pants for so long. If the lawn is cut for 200 years, then in the end it will be even.

- Some of them degrade or freeze in 35 years, but you are moving forward. What's the secret?

I don't know, I don't have an answer to that question. Good luck, write it down!

There are no indifferent to the opinion of Mikhail Labkovsky. Some people are very impressed with his ideas, others reject them. But be that as it may, his words have great strength. They are based on the experience of 30 years of practice as a psychologist and healthy cynicism.

One of the main problems of an unhappy person, according to Labkovsky, is neurosis. To get rid of it, you need to follow six rules that a famous psychologist has identified.

1. Do what you want.
2. Don't do what you don't feel like doing.

3. Say what you don't like.
4. Be silent when not asked.
5. Answer only the question.
6. When you sort things out, talk only about yourself.

Mentally healthy people live by these rules, but neurotics do not even understand how they can be applied in real life.

Labkovsky believes that healthy people always choose themselves, and neurotics - relationships to the detriment of themselves.

To save a person from neurosis, you need to remove old habits and introduce new ones. We must try to break stereotypes and act differently than before. The easiest way to do this is with the help of the rules created by Labkovsky.

They can be applied in any situation. For example, in the domestic sphere, solving even the most simple questions: eat porridge or cake. Or use the instructions in the fateful life circumstances: whether to get married, change jobs, take a loan.

Mikhail is often asked by people at lectures what they should do. To which he replies: "What do you want?" Those who are interested do not know what to answer, because they are not used to taking their desires into account in making decisions. And this is very important.

You need to stop being afraid, because fear limits and reduces the quality of life. At first, people do not raise their hands at school, then they go to the circle where their grandmother took them, they enter where their parents decided, and work in their specialty, because it is prestigious. And life has a way of ending.

A person adapts and endures, while not changing anything. "What if it gets worse?" he asks himself. As a result, she lives with her alcoholic husband, working in an unloved position, and much more. Do not be afraid - it is better to change!

To gain new life, you need to follow simple rules. At the same time, you need to understand that by changing your behavior, some people will leave you. For example, you will tell your colleague that you are tired of him constantly interrupting you. He will most likely be offended and will communicate less with you. But now it will open for you new door in life where faithful friends, inspiring work and pleasant colleagues.

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The famous Russian psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky does not hide the fact that he became a psychologist in order to solve his own problems. And he succeeded. The result of his more than 30 years of observation of his clients and himself was the method of 6 rules. According to the author, these rules consistently help to get out of neurosis.

website figured out what the 6 rules of Mikhail Labkovsky are. And invites you to start implementing them - for the sake of happiness, for the sake of health, for your own sake.

Rule 1. Do only what you want

This rule is the main one. Just do what you want and that's it. And it works in all situations, from everyday (what to eat for breakfast?) to life-changing ones (whether to get married? have a child? move to another city? change jobs or not?). Just listen to yourself, to your feelings and do what you want.

For the child to grow independent person with a healthy psyche, the rule must be applied from birth. And questions such as: “What do you want to do now?”, “What would you like to eat?”, “What shirt do you want to wear today?” - the first step towards this.

Rule 2. Do not do what you do not want to do

One of famous quotes Mikhail Labkovsky: “Concessions and compromises are a direct road to a cardiologist or oncologist.” Life from the principle “I don’t want to, but I do it because I have to” is the road to the same place.

So don't do what you don't want to do. Never. And if you do, then do not be surprised at illnesses, depressions, the fact that you are unhappy, restless, unsuccessful.

Rule 3. Immediately say what you don’t like

Hush up, accumulate resentment in oneself, suffer, lead an endless mental dialogue with the offender - these are typical neurotic behaviors. To say: “You can’t do this to me, it’s unpleasant for me,” is certainly much less romantic, but it healthy way response.

Rule 4

Remarks in the style: "You're an asshole!" or “How tired I am, how tired I am of everything. My strength is no more” and the like is not a question. And you don't have to answer them.

They provoke the other person to some kind of response. For example, “What happened to you, why are you complaining?” It must be understood that such remarks are a provocation and manipulative behavior of a neurotic. Such phrases, according to Labkovsky, should never be answered or answered according to rule 3: "I don't like this kind of conversation."