Many parents are faced with the question of what manners to instill and how to teach politeness to a child in such a diverse world today. If a earlier society and the state presented more stringent and specific rules of behavior, now parents are free to choose whether to instill in the child the laws of politeness or educate him, remembering the rule "impudence is the second happiness."

Why is courtesy necessary?

Learning the rules of behavior is part of the difficult process of human socialization.

Firstly, the education of politeness teaches a person to control his impulses, it is socially acceptable to express emotions. This is important for the child to be able to communicate with people. If the baby tries to get his way with the help of a fight and direct aggression, growing up, he learns to express his desires differently. Politeness helps him feel more secure as well. helps you understand what to expect from people.

Secondly, the rules of politeness create patterns of behavior that help to decide simple tasks in society. They develop standard forms of dialogues, which makes it easier to communicate with unfamiliar people. Politeness also helps to create boundaries for what is acceptable in more difficult situations. Thus, the education of politeness helps the child to learn important laws by which society lives.

Thirdly, politeness determines the social stratum, it helps the child to decide who he is and where. It also helps to unite the family, to define one's environment: “We are cultured people, this is not accepted in our country”, “We are simple people, therefore we say everything without sentimentality”. These features help the child to pass the most complicated process self-identification.

What to teach?

Growing up, the child learns to control himself. Therefore, it is important to increase the “politeness load” in stages, remembering that the child has more low level self-control than an adult. The mistake of many parents is that they make demands unexpectedly and all at once: “You are already an adult, so you must ...”. This creates an overload and misunderstanding of the child: why yesterday it was “possible”, and today it is already “impolite”.

But a child learns politeness not so much from the words of his parents, but from their example. Therefore, it is difficult to instill rules of politeness that are not respected by parents. This is also dangerous, because it violates family identification, the child is confused in what he is taught and in what he sees with his own eyes.

How not to overdo it

Politeness is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it allows you to express yourself socially acceptable, simplifies the interaction between people. On the other hand, it deprives a person of the opportunity to be himself, makes the interaction too complicated and insincere. An example of this is the secular societies of past centuries, which are not accidentally called hypocritical. They had too many complex and unwritten laws of behavior that prevented people from being themselves.

Therefore, when teaching a child the rules of politeness, you should remember why you are doing this. If you see that the rules only complicate life without bringing any benefit, this is an occasion to wonder if they are really needed.

It often turns out that people following the rule“impudence is the second happiness”, it is easier to achieve their goal compared to the “intellectuals”. When teaching politeness, it is important not to put a complete ban on direct expression feelings and hard interaction, in some cases they are necessary. The child must be able to take care of himself.

"But it's different in the yard"

Parents often face the fact that their child hears completely different requirements from other people than at home. And he begins to compare and ask his parents why he is forbidden to pronounce some words at home, and his comrades consider him “cooler” if he pronounces them. Or, on the contrary, someone else's aunt suddenly scolded him for something that his parents never had any complaints about.

In such situations, it is important to explain to the child that the rules of politeness are not absolute and depend on the situation and the person. But they help to communicate and serve as an indicator of belonging to a certain circle of people. Therefore, it is important to learn and observe them.

Olga Novozhilova

What is politeness? But what about “impudence is the second happiness”? Where does this courtesy begin? What forms does she have? Let's figure it out...

Why is she needed?

Certain rules polite behavior they teach people to live in society, not to go beyond the limits of decency, to some extent to educate conscience. Politeness plays big role when raising children. In the future, when the child becomes an adult, he will feel more confident in society, he will know what to expect from other people.

We all live within certain limits of behavior and we can't get away from it. The rules of courtesy help to solve some life tasks, produce certain forms dialogues. They make it easier to communicate with people who are unfamiliar to you. Polite people rarely overstep their bounds in some tense situations. It is a stepping stone to humanity in the long ladder of life.

And thanks to politeness, people determine the social stratum in society, their environment: “We are people from a cultural family, we don’t act like that”, “We are simple, we don’t care about sentiment.” This is how self-identification happens. little man in family.

Children are the flowers of life. They must be polite. Some people think so. Others don't think so. And why in our world be polite? We are the working class and we us ... on whether our children will be polite. Yes, what is there to talk about, just go out into the street, take a ride in public transport. "Politeness" rushing from all the cracks and almost everyone.

Regarding children. You should not demand everything from children at once: “You are no longer small, so you owe this, you owe that ...”. This will only overload the psyche of the child, cause him to misunderstand. Yesterday you allowed him to do this, today suddenly his act has already become “impolite”. Politeness should not be taught with words, but with own example. It is impossible to instill polite behavior in a child if you yourself do not possess it. It turns out that in words one thing, but before the eyes of another.

Very educated and very polite people

Badly. Sometimes it's too bad to be overly polite. You can be fired from your job. Morning. Monday. Stop. Minibus. It's an hour and a half drive to work. We're late. People, crowd. There is only one bus and it is full. Out of courtesy, we skip a pretty girl. I went. We are standing. We are waiting, sir. We're late. Anyway. The second one arrived. Crowd of people. But we are polite. Let's skip the old lady. Grandma would take a tram, a trolleybus. But, alas, only minibuses go here. We are standing. We are waiting, sir. We're late, sir. We smoke nervously. The third one arrived. Crowd of people. But don't care about courtesy. Got in first. Let's go. Nervous, we're late for work. The boss is a beast. Prize on the nose. Well, okay, let's get out. We've arrived. Not too late, but enough. Reprimand in a rather impolite manner. Prize down the drain. Thank God they didn't get kicked out of work. And could...

A stick that has two ends. Meet Her Majesty Courtesy. It greatly simplifies human relations allows you to express yourself in society. It also robs some people of the opportunity to be themselves, deprives them of sincerity in relationships, complicates the interaction between people. A striking example from the past, and even today, the so-called secular society that is filled with hypocrisy. So think about it, is it necessary to be polite? As for me, so where greater value has sincerity and humanity, respect.

“Intellectuals” find it harder to achieve their goals than those who spit on polite behavior, for whom “impudence is the path to happiness.” It is a fact. A fact that has stood the test of time and life.

Politeness is not absolute. It depends on many external factors, certain situations. And learn to apply the rules of courtesy, that's what is important. You just need to be a person, but it is also important to know who a person is.

It is always a pleasure to communicate with a well-mannered, cultured, educated, polite person! A lot depends on our ability to behave in relation to other people in life, and often we do not understand or underestimate this. The circle of friends and acquaintances, reputation in the team, success in business, harmony in personal life - well-being in any of these areas, you see, largely depends on how we communicate and behave with other people.

Being polite is actually not always easy. Many of our entourage or even outsiders do not really like us or frankly do not sympathize, often troubles in personal life, fatigue, and stress interfere with restraint and adequate behavior. But one of the most important qualities successful modern man is self-control and courtesy. That is why it is so important that our children learn this from the very beginning. early childhood. A polite child will always be preferred to a rude and boorish one, even and especially when he grows up. And you need to strike while the iron is hot, that is, it is necessary to teach children the rules of politeness from an early age.

Rules of polite behavior and communication for children

The most universal, perhaps, the rule can be known to all: do to others the way you want others to do to you. But children do not always consciously want to be greeted or paid the slightest attention to them. However, without this in the formation of politeness is indispensable.

Perhaps it should start from the fact that explain to the child what politeness is, what polite children are and why it is better and even very important to be polite. Then gradually move on to practice and begin to apply the acquired knowledge in Everyday life. A very convenient help for parents are the rules of politeness for children in pictures, the rules of politeness for children in verse and many other publications, which today will not be difficult to find and buy.

It is hardly possible to clearly and point by point state all the rules of polite behavior, because in almost every life situation or a small episode you can behave in a certain way. But Starting point may be the study, understanding and application of the so-called magic words, words of politeness: "hello", "goodbye", "thank you", "thank you", "sorry", "permission", "please", "be kind" and so on Further. But you can use them in completely different situations. For example, apologies are asked not only when they act badly, wrongly, cause someone inconvenience or feel guilty about themselves. The word "sorry" can be both a request (for example, when trying to move forward in a large crowd of people or a desire to ask something), and a way to get attention (for example, by joining other people's conversation).

Using verbal (that is, verbal) politeness tools will get better as you increase life experience child: the more he meets and communicates with other children and adults, the more he can practice.

The words of gratitude deserve special attention. You need to thank not only for the gifts or surprises provided, and this should be done even if the present was not to your liking. With words of gratitude, you need to respond to a compliment addressed to you, to a service or help provided. By the way, helping others is also a sign of politeness.

It is possible to be impolite/polite even without using these special words. The kid needs to be explained that it is unacceptable to call names, make fun of or invent nicknames for other people, focus on their shortcomings, express your displeasure or anger aloud. Instead, you should compliment others and express praise, note the merits and good qualities be able to listen and be interested personal affairs others. For example, after answering a question posed to a child, how is he doing, it will be polite to ask his interlocutor about the same.

Even without saying a word (and often children do not want to respond to a greeting or goodbye), you can behave politely or ugly. A sincere smile in response can replace words that are sometimes so difficult to pronounce. The same smile in the appropriate situation can be completely inappropriate and speak of bad parenting.

A polite child should know and understand that others need to be respected (especially adults and even more teachers), that one should not think only about oneself and one’s own comfort, that one should interrupt without emergency or shout, talk loudly in in public places- ugly, just like picking your nose or biting your nails.

There are many other rules of politeness, among which some more basic ones can be mentioned:

• Always say hello first and return the greeting.
• Smile, be in a good mood.
• Don't interrupt when others are talking.
• When you enter a closed door, knock.
• Coming out closed door hold it with your hand.
• When coughing or sneezing, cover your mouth with your hands.
• Yawning or hiccupping during a conversation with the interlocutor, you need to apologize.
• Ask permission if you're not sure about something.
• Use the word "may": may I ask you? let me ask? let me pass?
• Don't show that you're not interested.
• Don't argue, avoid conflict.
• Don't answer rudeness with rudeness.
• Remember: a polite person will never intentionally offend another or create trouble for him.

There are rules of courtesy for children and adults great multitude. But a child brought up in a cultured, educated family will feel many of them intuitively, even without special emphasis on them from adults.

How to raise a polite child: rules for parents

Probably, many parents will agree that children learn bad things faster and easier than good ones. It is worth sending the baby to kindergarten or taking a walk in the yard near the “bad” company, as in the culture of the child’s behavior and communication there is already something to work on.

Meanwhile, the truth is also that no matter how we raise our children, they will still be like their parents. And this means that raising a child, teaching him polite communication and behavior does not make any sense if we ourselves act differently. Whether we like it or not, whether we notice it or not, children always copy their moms and dads, though not always to the same extent.

So the rules of politeness exist not only and not so much for children, as in the first place - for parents. And the most important, the most important of them is to be the best example for the child!

You can repeat to your child a thousand times that arguing and swearing is ugly and unworthy, but once you quarrel with the man who pushed you in the store, the child will take such behavior as a model. Learn to control your thoughts, emotions and actions in any situation and maintain a good tone of behavior, regardless of the situation. And, by the way, it is necessary to start with communication with the child: when addressing him, use words of politeness, have the patience to listen to the end and not interrupt, be able to ask for forgiveness and be sincerely grateful.

Trying to instill the rules in a child good manners, follow the recommendations that will help you achieve your desired goal and not get the opposite result:

1. From the first days of your communication with the baby, build warm, kindred, trusting relationship. Then you will be an authority for the child, he will listen to your instructions, will turn to you for help and advice.
2. Start teaching courtesy early age: not even talking kids everyone understands!
3. Use game form learning: role-playing games, reading thematic literature, discussion of images or life situations.
4. Do not impose courtesy rules on children. Do not force them to act or speak in a certain way, do not scold them for "wrong" behavior, and do not shout.
5. Give a choice to do one way or another, but at the same time explain the advantages of one tactic and the disadvantages and consequences of another.
6. Explain why you should do this and not otherwise.
7. Do not proofread, scold, or lecture in front of other people.
8. Do not be ashamed because of the child's behavior and do not shame him. Focus on what should have been done, criticize the behavior, but in no case the child.
9. Always take into account the characteristics of the character and temperament of the baby, his mood and well-being. The personality of your child, his experiences should be above the rules established in society.
10. Praise for politeness and culture. Note how much you enjoy it.

Teaching children politeness should be unobtrusive, harmonious, bring mutual pleasure. In this process, not only the child is improved, but also the adult. Polite people easier to find mutual language and this is so important!

Especially for - Ekaterina Vlasenko

An episode in a supermarket was described: a cashier complimented the author's daughter for saying "thank you" when he handed her one of the items. “It is rare to see good manners in customers,” the store employee said, “and the parents themselves are often the most rude.”

What used to be considered a sign of good taste began to lose importance. Being in public, we increasingly withdraw into ourselves and into electronic devices without noticing what is happening around. Therefore, elderly people and pregnant women ride standing in minibuses, neighbors do not greet each other near the elevator, men do not hold doors in front of women, children interrupt adults without hesitation. Modern man acts for itself, therefore, first of all, it carries itself into this world.

Now adults often say: “We do not teach children to say hello or say “thank you” with the help of instructions. They will grow up - they will learn for themselves, what is the use of the phrase "say the magic word"? There is some truth in this: most likely, children will really learn to say “please” and “thank you” with the help of kindergarten teachers and school teachers. But how much easier it will be for them to communicate with others if the habit of smiling when they meet, asking permission to take someone else's thing, to apologize when they hurt someone, from an early age will be the norm, and not labored words that must be pronounced, but do not want to.

It’s great when a child uses a knife and fork at dinner, knows that you don’t need to talk to stuffed mouth, and does not put his elbows on the table. But success in communicating with other people will most likely be determined not by table etiquette, but by how the child behaves on a universal human level, how much his manners correspond to generally accepted ones, and how much he himself fits into the environment.

Politeness is evidence that the child treats other people with sensitivity and respect. And here the boomerang law works: we treat another person the way he treats us. Therefore, a polite child in most cases will meet mutual good relations, and going out of fashion magic words different doors will be opened for him.

An apple from an apple tree: 8 useful rules of courtesy

“Thank you” and “please” cannot be memorized like a multiplication table - brought to automatism, these words will not sound from the heart. The natural way to instill good manners in children is to set an example in your own daily reactions. Like our children look at us in a mirror. We thank the girl who gave the flyer on the street - and the next time the children will say “thank you” to the cashier who packed a box of Happy Meals for them. We ask permission to look at their drawings in the album, and children will not take their parent's phone without asking to take a picture of their craft. We apologize when we accidentally stepped on the baby's foot, and the child, inadvertently pushing a peer on playground, apologize for the awkwardness. How useful things can adults teach children?

Greet. Most parents teach kids to wave their hands and say “bye”, but the child will have to say hello no less often: with relatives, friends, neighbors, educators, sellers. Practice this useful skill with puppets and soft toys, playing "guests", "shop", "hospital". Be the first to say hello at first to provoke your child to answer you. Greet and smile at the janitor, the cashier, the doctors at the clinic, the taxi driver. Teach the boys to shake hands when you meet - for them this is a ritual of special importance.

Say "thank you". Children will be treated many times, give gifts, fulfill their requests. Remind them that it is customary to say “thank you” for a kind gesture. Thank yourself for the fact that the child brought his laundry to the laundry, helped to sort out the package of groceries, treated him with chocolate. While he is small, unable to speak, or shy of the guest who gave him balloon, each time you say “thank you” for the baby, without reproaching him for being silent.

Say "please". AT modern language this word is increasingly being reduced to a textual “please”, and until it becomes archaic at all, let the first “please” come from the parents. Politely asking the child to pass the sugar bowl or bread, adults demonstrate correct form requests. When playing in the sandbox, ask another kid for an extra spatula. When buying ice cream in the park, say "please" at the beginning of a sentence. Hearing polite form many times, the child will begin to use it in his vocabulary. And you, when you hear “please” from the baby, hug and kiss him, this will give him a good sign that he is doing everything right.

Say sorry. To make it easier for children to pronounce this not the easiest word in the world, be generous and forgive their mistakes with a light heart. Do not be afraid to apologize yourself if you understand that you undeservedly shouted or reacted too violently to a childish misconduct. So the child will understand that the word "sorry" - important step to reconciliation and building relationships with those whom he offended, as well as medicine for those whom he inadvertently hurt.

Give in and help the weak. Give way to the check-in queue at the airport for a family with a baby, because it is more difficult for small ones to wait. Give way to a girl, mother, grandmother. Give way to elders in transport, hold the door for another person. Children may not guess what exactly needs to be done, but they love to help - whisper in their ear to help grandma carry a bag of groceries to the refrigerator, cut off the first piece of cake for her. Gratitude from another person is sure to inspire the child.

Do not discuss others in public. What parent has not been in a situation where a child, seeing a person with a different skin color or appearance for the first time, points a finger at him and loudly asks why his uncle is so dark color face or no hair. Agree that if the child is interested in something about passers-by, he can ask his question quietly, without attracting the attention of others. Explain that discussing the appearance of other people out loud is not accepted: it can be unpleasant for them. But always focus on how interesting it is when people look different.

Don't interrupt. One of key points conversations - let the other person finish the sentence before responding with their own line. It is important to adhere to this rule both in relation to dialogues with children and to expect from them mutual respect when you are busy or talking to another adult. Come up with a sign by which the baby can attract your attention: touch his elbow, wave his hand, gently squeeze his palm - so that you immediately understand that he wants to tell you something, and can come up when you are free. When that moment comes, listen to the child's request with full attention.

Respect the rules of the other house. It is important to explain to the children that in every place outside your home different rules behavior. They don’t scream or run in the theater and restaurant, but on the playground or in the play maze - please. At home, you can talk in any voice you like, but in the clinic it is better to lower the tone. It is allowed to jump on the bed in your room, but you can do it at a party only if the owners themselves allowed it.

What is all this for? It's no secret that children with good manners easier to adapt to kindergarten and school, to follow the rules adopted in the collectives. With them it is easy to go to visit and cafe, visit social events without risk, constantly make sure that they do not spoil something and do not interfere with other people's rest. But with a polite child, it is easier not only for others. First of all, he himself feels at ease everywhere, because he has a habit of thinking about the feelings of others and about what he says. And this habit comes from the parental home, in which the main thing is not the motto "do as I say", but the example of adults - "do as I do."

In dealing with another person, it is not always possible to be kind and delicate. At the same time, we still want to be treated politely and try not to violate our borders. We understand how important politeness is, how it affects relationships, and why it sometimes seems insincere and fake.

What is politeness

Modern psychologists consider politeness as a behavioral pattern. When a person is delicate and polite with others, he builds more "useful" communication. Not only observes etiquette, but respects the boundaries of other people.

Polite behavior is one way to get what you want and not go against the wishes of other people. The founder of Gestalt therapy, Frederick Perls, said that a person is always in conflict with society. He has his own needs, society has a set of laws and rules on how to satisfy these very needs. Laws and regulations are written down in documents or passed from mouth to mouth. Being polite is a norm that is not spelled out in laws, but is passed from mouth to mouth. If you want to be a good neighbor, friend, colleague, you want to achieve feedback and line up stable relationship- be polite.

Why politeness is important for a sustainable relationship

Politeness is based on love for other people. Being polite is not a formality. Not being rude, not being rude means thinking about your friends, relatives or bus neighbors. Remembering that you are a person, and not breaking down on others helps. rule of four seconds by Peter Bregman. If you want to flare up, just breathe deeply for four seconds (at least). With a deep exhalation and inhalation, anger, if not gone, will decrease.

Politeness helps keep boundaries. When people want to be respected, they want their boundaries to be respected. They asked about their consent, took into account the needs. This does not mean that you need to ask everyone on the bus if you can open the window. But if someone asked to close, because it's blowing hard, you should take into account his opinion.

Politeness sets an example for others. Polite behavior is an important tool in teaching and raising children. And not only children. If you require courtesy from relatives, formulate your opinion in a respectful, not harsh form. The word “please” and the appeal to “you” are soothing - you immediately want to answer just as politely.

Politeness allows you to remain human even in emergency situations. It seems that politeness is not needed in a crush, in a fire or in an accident. But this is not so - slowness and indifference are not needed, but love for others and respect for boundaries are still important. You can’t get out of the crush on the heads - you need to help everyone who is in trouble.

How to be polite

Rely not on words, but on deeds. Saying "I'm sorry" is not polite. Thinking about others and trying not to step on your feet on public transport is polite. You can be delicate and without unnecessary words.

Think before you do. Leonard Mlodinov in his book “(Un)conscious” writes that what distinguishes man from animals is the ability to calculate the consequences of his actions. And to calculate not only what will happen, but also what others will think about it. This ability allows you to be polite - to predict reactions to actions and understand whether this will disturb the peace and health of others.