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The content of the article:
identity crisis- it's special state of mind caused by dissatisfaction with oneself, others, work and even the world in which a person lives. Such a mental phenomenon can appear at any age, at any time of the year and under any circumstances. Whatever the life situation, it is always extremely difficult, and in some cases there are even negative consequences that can only be eliminated professional psychologist.
Causes of the emergence of a personality crisis
Most people at least once in their lives have experienced the feeling that their existence has no meaning, and all actions are absolutely empty. it inner feeling It has strong impact to the psyche. And most often it is quite difficult to determine the cause and understand how to overcome a personal crisis.
There are several key factors, which can push to such a complex emotional state:
- Self dissatisfaction. A fairly common reason that every second person faces. The fact is that the mass media are actively imposing certain standards of appearance, the level of prosperity. In life, not everyone can achieve similar indicators.
- Problems at work. The person may be the best worker but his work goes unnoticed. Or, on the contrary, he understands that his knowledge is outdated, no one needs his services anymore, and age and fear no longer allow him to start something new. The loss of a well-paid job will no less affect the state.
- Self perception. Usually middle-aged people face the crisis. It is connected with the oppression of oneself with thoughts that most of life has passed, that much has not yet been done from what we wanted, and time is inexorably running.
- Family problems. The departure of one of the couple to a new partner hurts not only pride, but also makes them start the process of self-oppression. After all, being abandoned is very difficult.
- Difficulties at school. Crisis is often adolescence. It is especially pronounced in children who are "not like everyone else." They become outcasts, they are not accepted by society, and they still cannot or do not know how to realize themselves in other directions and with other people.
The main symptoms of a personality crisis
The fact that a person has a crisis can be seen with the naked eye. Its features are:
- Changes emotional state . Such people are extremely apathetic to everything that happens and do not express feelings. It is very difficult for them to cause a smile or hear sincere laughter.
- Detachment. The crisis of personal growth in people who are faced with it causes absolute indifference to everything that happens. They do not care about the worries and problems around, they are completely immersed in themselves. In some cases, irritability, nervousness and even aggressiveness are observed when relatives and friends try to get them out of this state.
- Sleep disorders. Individuals with a similar problem sleep very poorly, get up regularly at night, and cannot wake up in the morning.
- Physiological changes . During a crisis, a person begins to refuse food or eat it in very small quantities, which causes rapid fatigue. Due to lack of sleep, the color and condition of the skin changes. Mental disorder can negatively affect physical well-being. Such people often get sick because of a weakened immune system.
Features of overcoming a personal crisis
An oppressed state will necessarily affect both the person himself and his relationships with others. He can completely immerse himself in himself without seeking help. When he realized that something needed to change, it was time to act. If you look at it, then overcoming a personal crisis is within the power of every person. The main thing is not to lose control and gradually achieve your goal.
Assessing the situation and drawing up a plan for overcoming a personality crisis
To understand the depth of the problem, you need to take a sober look at what is happening, turn off feelings. If it is difficult to do it yourself, you can ask for help from loved one.
Some psychologists recommend writing a list of what causes dissatisfaction. Describe what area of life is in critical point. In some cases, the problem is absolutely obvious. It could be the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, illness, or something else.
In any situation, you need to try to separate emotions from facts and draw up a plan of action for yourself. The way out of a personal crisis largely depends on a well-thought-out step-by-step list of work. To regain your former self, it is important to understand what to do next and where to go.
The plan will only work if:
- Clearly set a goal. You need to choose a real and achievable goal, which will at least slightly correct the deplorable situation: find a job, learn English language, go to college, meet a soul mate, make friends, travel. Do everything that will help get out of the crisis and deliver positive emotions.
- Find the main motive. It is worth noting that there may be several of them, but it is important to determine the main one. For example, a new job is the way to a good financial position. That is, set a goal for yourself and explain what it will give.
- Define search options. What specific job do you need to find, what to do there, who to be? How should others, colleagues, friends perceive? What should a work day look like? What level of income will suit? What can you sacrifice to achieve your goal? All these questions will have to be answered. So you can correctly identify a potential goal and not deviate from it.
- Write a list of things that are necessary on the way to achieve the goal. To find new job, you need to register at the labor exchange and search for vacancies on your own. You can also call friends and acquaintances, because very often work appears in an unexpected way. To attain high altitudes, it is recommended to go to refresher courses, tighten up foreign languages and take the time to educate yourself. If a the main objective- is to find friends, it is important to visit public places, communicate more and show interest.
- Don't deviate from the plan. After its compilation, in no case should you give up slack and retreat even by one point. And, despite the fact that the result is not immediately visible, this does not mean that actions have been taken in vain. Sometimes you have to wait to get the desired "fruit".
- Don't give up. Even if some point of the plan does not lend itself to the first time, then this is not a reason to doubt your abilities. Many successful people at the beginning of their journey, they faced several setbacks. Easy way does not lead to something great and bright.
Changing Behavior to Overcome an Identity Crisis
A peculiar infantilism in behavior can lead to the formation of a problem. A change in behavior, a rethinking of values and outlook on life will help to cope with it.
In this case, the action plan will be supplemented with the following tips:
- Take responsibility. Everyone must be responsible for both defeat and victory. Impossible to pass a long way without these two components. In case of defeat, you should not lose heart, you just need to draw a conclusion and not repeat your mistakes in the future. You should not look for the guilty in the event of a defeat - this is a very bad satellite of success.
- Stop looking around. very many modern people are under the influence social networks, where classmates, friends and acquaintances post their photos from bright travels, happy moments or happy shopping. Colleagues also brag about trips, purchases to the house. Never compare your life with others. Also, young people often look at their school friends and see how great their family life and career has been. A person may start to panic because he does not have something. If you regularly compare your life with more wealthy people, then this is a direct path to a personal crisis.
- Get rid of constant expectations. In most cases Life is going not according to plan, and this must be recognized as an indisputable fact. Some expectations are met, while others are missed. In any case, there is no reason to be upset and, moreover, to sink into depression. You should learn to get rid of constant expectations, and if something did not work out, then put up with it and try to achieve the goal again.
- Stop hoping for someone. Also, do not place high expectations on other people. This is especially true if a person wants to start a relationship and a family.
Important! Can not be ideal people and great expectations strike only great disappointments. Remember one simple truth: they will always be better and worse than you, you should not chase and compete with someone, it is better to fight with yourself and conquer your own peaks every day.
Work on yourself to get out of a personal crisis
It is very important for people to feel beautiful and successful. It gives confidence, courage and self-love. That's why great value in the fight against a personality crisis, personality improvement plays, for example:
- Fulfillment of a real dream. Almost every person has a small dream for which there was not enough time or energy. Perhaps you always wanted to learn how to knit, do floristry or bake deliciously, go fishing in uncharted places or conquer a mountain. Do not limit yourself, inspire your nature and do what brings spiritual pleasure. People who devote time to such an activity will never be immersed in an identity crisis.
- Sports. It may not be just a gym, the modern sphere allows you to find something to your liking. For girls, dancing can be an excellent option, because they not only improve the figure, but also add femininity. If there is a personality crisis in men, then you can choose some combat types art or pool. Some people do not have time to attend individual classes, in this case ideal option will be a morning run. Plus, such a pastime has a positive effect on brain activity. It is worth noting that during sports, the production of a hormone is stimulated, which is responsible for our feeling of happiness.
- Personal care. As the statistics show, a personality crisis in women very often appears due to dissatisfaction with their appearance. But men are also subject to this factor, albeit in lesser degree. If you don’t like the reflection in the mirror, then you need to try to make yourself the person you want to see every morning. Of course, this will take a lot of effort, but the result is worth it. Change the hairstyle, style of clothing, manner of speaking, hair color - this is within the power of everyone. Anything, as long as the appearance inspires you to get out of the house and start doing important things.
It also happens that all measures are practically useless. Often this is faced by people who put unrealistic demands on themselves and their dreams. Therefore, breakdown becomes inevitable.
How to avoid a mental breakdown during an identity crisis
Any crisis reaches its climax, and at this moment it is extremely important to prevent a mental breakdown. Otherwise, only a professional psychologist will help to cope with the problem.
- dance more. Psychologists have found that during stress, a person puts himself in the so-called shell, it is difficult for him to relax and throw out negative emotions. It is very important to be able to relax emotionally. In order not to let the negativity take over, you need to dance every day until there is relaxation in the muscles. The body should move easily, naturally, without excessive stiffness. To do this, you must definitely choose your favorite dynamic music. Psychologists believe that if you dance for at least five minutes a day, the body will become more flexible, which means it will begin to develop resistance to stress.
- Learn to breathe out quickly and relax. Crisis is exactly the state that makes you be in constant voltage. Therefore, it is important to learn to relax and leave negativity behind. In addition, it is better to start solving any problem after you have completely got rid of past experience. Tension is sickness, stress, crisis and fear. Relaxation is success, joy, creativity and lightness. Today you can find great amount relaxation techniques to help you achieve your goals. If stress is taken by surprise, then there is one simple and effective way: Tighten all the muscles of the body as much as possible and hold your breath for five to ten seconds, and then exhale sharply. Try to take deep breaths for at least a couple of minutes.
- Focus on positive thoughts . Even in a crisis there is positive side, and it is worth thinking only about it. For example, in most cases, some negative moment starts to act. It encourages self-development and self-improvement. appearance. Therefore, the crisis can force to become better. It is necessary to set yourself up exclusively for positive thoughts. Even if all this does not help to think in in a positive way, it is worth writing a story with a good ending and believing in it. For example, in the fact that they really achieved their ultimate goal and completely happy. Many psychologists say that believing in yourself is half the journey.
- Be sure to praise yourself! If you focus solely on the negative aspects, then you can completely lose control over the situation. Plus, it puts you in a position to achieve your future goal. Each time a small goal is successfully completed, praise yourself. Focus and act.
When stressed, it is important to focus on end result. This will avoid all failures and achieve your goal. Do not pay attention to external circumstances, but simply act. During a crisis, you need to quickly set goals for yourself and achieve them. Each conquered peak will gradually lead out of a depressive state. If you start to think long and hard about all the pros and cons specific situation, for example, a job change, then it will be extremely difficult to make a decision. Therefore, act quickly and think only about the good.
Any person living today has ever faced crises in their lives. Each of those who are reading this article now has already encountered this not the most pleasant life situation through their bitter experience.
Crises bring us a state of depression, constant stress, sometimes reaching despair. Often we cannot understand what is happening to us, why suddenly life ceases to please us as before, why everything suddenly changes, and we stop feeling the taste of life, not knowing what to do with it.
But do not despair - a way out of the crisis not only exists, but is also available to everyone. Moreover, this exit can become for each of us a new leap, qualitatively changing life in a new direction.
This article, part of a series of articles on coping with the crises of life, is written for those people who want to learn how to get out of crises with the least loss for themselves and the greatest gains for their future.
Any crisis of life, large or small, is nothing but a period of qualitative change. When something has to change in life (whether because of growing up, or because of a change in relationships with others, with oneself), this something will definitely have to change. This “something” is, first of all, an attitude towards the world, an attitude towards other people, an attitude towards oneself.
Such transitions between the past and the future occur in our lives all the time. Very often, we practically do not notice such periods, they pass “by themselves”, without even being imprinted in our memory. We can say that we overcome these crises easily, without any difficulties and losses.
But there are crises in which we literally “get stuck”, in which we go deep to the very top, unable to get out of them. These crises are the most painful for us. There can be many reasons for such "stuck" - unwillingness to change, fear of change, the presence of the so-called "secondary benefit".
Actually, all crises can be conditionally divided into "big" and "small" according to their significance in our lives. “Big” crises are crises that take years to form. These include age crises(including the crisis of 30 years, midlife crisis, teenage crises), which appear in connection with the need to reconsider their entire life, their goals, aspirations, desires, attitude to life in general; crises family life(3 years, 7 years, etc.), manifested in a change in relationships with your partner due to the mutual change of two people in the course of their lives.
"Small" crises are crises that arise rather spontaneously, as a reaction to a suddenly changed life situation- this is the loss of a loved one, and crises resulting from constant stressful influences (problems with superiors at work, for example).
In "small" crises, the severity of feelings is often much higher than in "big" crises, although the length of "small" crises is often much less.
It would seem that crises in our lives have a strictly negative role, but at the same time, crises help us change, make us alive, help us develop, live.
It just so happens that we develop and grow in our lives thanks to crises. But often we do not always know how to properly overcome these crisis moments.
Can the crises of life harm us? Of course, in the final analysis, there is practically no harm from the crises of life, if they are correctly overcome. But what happens if the crisis does not want to be overcome, if we “get stuck” in it?
Any "stuck" leads to stagnation. We stop developing, changing, becoming as if frozen in this life. Life ceases to please us, it becomes literally gray - disappear in it bright colors, bright live sounds, aromas, smells. Life becomes a kind of torment, filled with despair and suffering.
Every crisis comes with stress. And any stress tends to accumulate, which brings with it very negative consequences.
There are three ways out of any stress: resistance, escape, passive position.
by the most the best way out from stress is resistance - because it carries the least negative consequences. So, ancient man he entered into a fight with the enemy, if he attacked him, and when he won, he changed, became the winner, stronger, more confident in himself, in his strengths.
But in our time, there are more and more opponents, and it is becoming more and more difficult to fight them. Society itself is arranged in such a way that it is often impossible to fight the enemy. You can’t hit the boss at work if he yells at you, annoys you. Can't fight with the means mass media, you can’t beat neighbors who don’t let you sleep at night. Although you can, of course, try - but then you will have to fight with law enforcement- and the consequences of such a struggle are already much more serious.
That is, we see that direct opposition to stress (and the enemy that generates it) is very problematic in our time.
Another type of protection, flight, is most common in our time. We just run away from stress, often very inadequately. You can run into addiction (alcohol, drugs), you can run into religion, you can run away to another city, another country. But often you can't get away from yourself. A person who constantly runs away from everything, finally runs away from reality, from the world, even from life - and earns neuroses, or even psychoses, eventually getting to a psychiatrist, or commits suicide. I have described, of course, the most negative flight scenario, but this does not mean that it is not so relevant.
The third option for protection against stress (if it can be called protection) is passivity. Stress is simply passively accepted by a person, “swallowed”. This option is perhaps the worst. They shout at a person, they beat him - but he does not attack in response, but he does not run away either, but passively accepts everything. In the end, such a person falls ill, because stress begins to destroy him from the inside, causing the development of psychosomatic diseases in the body. At present, scientists consider psychosomatic diseases more and more diseases. Such diseases are based not only purely biological mechanisms but also psychological.
With the development of society, stress is becoming more and more, and, consequently, the consequences of their influence on people are becoming more and more.
But, fortunately, the effects of stress can be overcome. As well as crises, which are a kind of quintessence of stresses, a complex consisting of stresses.
In the following articles in the series, I will elaborate on the ways and strategies to overcome the crises of life. Do not miss!
Psychologists define a crisis as a moment of realization that “the old way is no longer desirable, but the new way is not yet possible.” The traditional definition of a crisis three years, when a child defines his personality in the world around him, adolescence crisis, a crisis of ambition in people from 22 to 28 years old, a crisis of first maturity - 33 years old, and a midlife crisis that overtakes closer to forty years. The latter is perhaps one of the most complex and controversial phenomena. developmental psychology. It is important to recognize it in time, understand the causes and find ways to successfully get out of it.
I want to “live my life in such a way that later it would not be excruciatingly painful for the aimlessly lived years” - this phrase from the novel “How the Steel Was Tempered” can become a kind of motto for a midlife crisis. After all, it is precisely “having gone through half of earthly life” that a person evaluates his past, analyzes the present and estimates his possibilities for the future. How many can boast that all their life plans and dreams of youth have been realized? Hardly. A midlife crisis exposes everything we've never done, reveals us to who we are. Exactly on average age accounts for more than half of divorces and prolonged depressions, at this time, women can start drinking and getting fat, and men find mistresses, or, waving their hands, move to finish their lives on the sofa.
The psychology of everyone individual person is individual, and therefore the age limits of the crisis, as well as the features of its course, may differ.
“The takeoff, then the landing…”
Men approach the fatal line in the period from 38 to 45 years. Signs of a progressive crisis: growing irritability, dissatisfaction, isolation, throwing, falling into childhood, new hobbies that were not characteristic of them before. A manner of grasping at some undertakings appears; the desire to change jobs and even areas of activity is punctuated by attempts to return to what they did, say, in their senior years of university. Attacks of melancholy alternate with periods of splashing energy, which they try to find use. Unfortunately, in most cases, men begin to blame their family, in particular, their wife, for the fact that they did not do something in life. They remember how, because of marriage, they quit playing in a rock band, or did not leave to enter graduate school in St. Petersburg. It's funny that in half the cases during that period they did not even know their wives. Anyway, it's all the woman's fault. For their part, women, trying to distract a man from the crisis, give birth to a second or third child, take their husbands on trips abroad, try to load them with domestic problems, and at a certain stage, all this helps quite well. But really, it's just a delay. real solution Problems.
Read " Midlife crisis in men»
It is important for a man to realize his role in this life, in the family, in the profession, and - most often more importantly - in a philosophical sense. So that he does not have a sense of collapse, help is needed, followers are needed - and a woman in this situation cannot be limited to a rear role. She must take an active position, convince the man that he is not a loser at all. On the contrary, everything he did in life is important and necessary. Since the vicious circle "home - work - home" is familiar, monotonous and boring, you need to change the situation more often, look for new emotions and new ways to release energy. It is during this transitional time that many men begin to seriously engage in sports: skiing and snowboarding, swimming, hiking, hunting, for others yoga, Tibetan monk exercises or just jogging. Along with the tone of the body, the tone of the spirit also returns. negative emotions come out with sweat, and the body is charged with freshness and strength. For men who approach the problem of the midlife crisis in the right way, it can be a new birth, the starting point of a new, more happy life. If you competently sum up the results of the first half of your life, it turns out that there are undertakings that promise both self-development and the conquest of new heights. Just sometimes a lost man may not see this, and someone must gently turn his head in the right direction.
In pursuit of youth
Otherwise, there is a midlife crisis in women. It comes earlier, in the early thirties. If a man in such a period is concerned about self-determination, then a woman is worried about leaving youth and fear of imminent old age. Unfortunately, cosmetology is not omnipotent in the face of time. But mature woman beautiful in her own way: she is wise, interesting, she knows and can do a lot, and sex life on biological reasons blooms for real only by the age of thirty.
The crisis of married and unmarried women manifests itself in different ways. Successful but lonely business women sometimes begin to regret their choice and realize that social Darwinism led them to the wrong path. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that “if by the age of forty a person’s room is not filled with children’s voices, then it is filled with nightmares.” This frightening phrase reveals all the horror female loneliness. At the moment of crisis, many women change, suddenly discovering new sides in themselves, become devoted wives and caring mothers. So the warmth of the family hearth - the best rescue from the misfortunes of life. But there is another side of the crisis: it is at this time that women leave their families. Those who are not ready to bury themselves in diapers and saucepans, and feel that they are capable of more, can wake up one fine morning - and leave home, like the heroines of Henrik Ibsen's plays, to start a new full-blooded existence.
Read " The crisis of 30 years in women»
A huge role in overcoming this period in women, of course, is played by her beloved and loving man. He, like no other, can convince her that she is still beautiful, young and attractive. The husband should take on some of the chores around the house, unload a slightly faded and tired woman so that she has time to take care of herself. Again, sports, fitness, dancing, new hobbies, interesting hobbies help a woman shine new force. The opportunity to give yourself a few hours a week is the best therapy for married woman immersed in caring for hearth. A man who understands the state of his life partner and helps her, "at the exit" will receive a rejuvenated, strong woman with burning eyes - the very one he once loved, but only wiser, more mature.
Successfully overcoming a midlife crisis depends on two main factors - the support of loved ones and permanent job above oneself. If a person did not give up until the moment of the crisis, did what he loved and surrounded himself the right people, he will pass the matriculation exam without hindrance. The crisis exposes the mistakes and shortcomings of the past, and therefore its foundation is laid from youth. Successful overcoming of the crisis, new horizons, clear sky over your head and pure thoughts!
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