Entering into a conversation in an unfamiliar company, each of us must have noticed that sympathy immediately arises for some people, and outright hostility for others. Usually, human body is able to intuitively recognize the opponent's unconscious movements and form an appropriate attitude towards him. Each person is able to control his voice and facial expressions, but it is impossible to completely control body language, and if you learn to correctly interpret body language, you can easily understand the true intentions of the interlocutor.

Gestures

The science that studies gestures is complex and multifaceted. There are gestures that help people with hearing and speaking problems communicate, there are special characters making it easier for people to understand each other in noisy environments. A person may deliberately lie, may withhold information, or experience hatred. Yes, he is able to control the timbre of his voice, put on a mask of indifference on his face, but he is not able to completely control the body. To understand body language, you need to remember a few tricks:

Start of research

People have been watching the movements of the interlocutors for a long time, trying to somehow analyze and systematize them. But only at the end of the twentieth century, such a science as non-verbalism appeared, which studies exclusively body language. Non-verbal aspects of communication are beginning to be subjected to serious and thorough research. The general public became aware of the existence of a relationship between movements and emotions only in the early 60s. Then Julius Fast published a book on the non-verbal aspects of communication, but even today many people still do not know about the existence of body language. And those who know this, turn to the work of Alan Pease.

Note to businessman

The book "Body Language" by Alan Pease has become a real world bestseller, especially among businessmen. The book analyzes all the possible gestures that people use and presents them. detailed specifications.

Most of the gestures presented in the book are suitable for business. For example, in the book Body Language, Alan Pease writes that if the interlocutor sits with his legs crossed and his arms wrapped around her, then it is solid and stubborn person. To find such an opponent, you need to use an extraordinary approach. Such and similar recommendations are indispensable in building partnerships and business relationships.

It is also worth noting that many of the author's references are related to direct sales. In Body Language, Allan Pease draws attention to one interesting pattern: position in society directly affects the variety of gestures. For example, a person who is at the top of the social and professional ladder uses a rich vocabulary in the process of communication. At the same time, a less professional and educated person uses fewer words, relying more on gestures.

Negative Consequences

Research has shown that the most successful salespeople were those who could read body language and body language. Whatever business a person does, sooner or later he will encounter people and he will have to establish relationships with them. And for this you need to learn to understand the point of view of other people, create an atmosphere of easy communication and be able to convince.

With people, mutual understanding will be easier to achieve through an attitude of cooperation rather than competition. To avoid negative consequences from mistakes that can lead to the opponent's ill will, you need to ask polite questions that prevent misunderstandings. For example, if a sales representative is invited to the house and offered to sit down, he, without any malicious intent, can sit in the master's chair, which will cause indignation of the head of the family. To avoid such misunderstandings, you need to ask about where to sit, etc.

crossover effect

In Body Language, Allan and Barbara Pease note that crossed limbs represent resentment.

Arms crossed on the chest or a leg thrown over the leg, or all together, indicate that the interlocutor has taken a defensive position and is in an extremely negative state. Ankles brought together can also tell about this. As long-term practice shows, clamped ankles are tantamount to biting lips - this gesture shows that a person is holding back his bad attitude, excitement, fear and other unpleasant emotions.

Very often in interviews applicants to hide the excitement. If at the interview the boss sits closer to the candidate, provided that they are not separated by a table, then the excitement will go away and the conversation will become more personal and frank.

How to look at the interlocutor?

You can tell a lot about a person by their look. When conducting business negotiations it is important to look at the opponent with a serious look. To do this, you need to imagine a triangle on the interlocutor's forehead and look there, then the interlocutor will immediately feel a businesslike attitude.

To control the course of the conversation, you do not need to look below the eyes of the interlocutor. In the case when the gaze falls below the eyes of the interlocutor, an atmosphere appears social communication.

How to define a lie?

By nature, a person has a negative attitude towards lies, even if he is lying himself. Based on this statement, it is possible to identify gestures that indicate a lie. If there is a suspicion that the interlocutor is lying, you need to pay attention to the left side of the body, since it is much more difficult to control than the right.

A liar will definitely want to cover himself, so he is likely to cover his mouth with his hand. If the mouth is covered not by the speaker, but by the listener, then he does not trust the words of his interlocutor.

Another gesture of lying can be rubbing the nose or dimples above the lip with a finger, rubbing the eyelids, moving arms and legs that do not correspond to the pronounced owls. For example, during a conversation, the interlocutor can draw patterns on the ground with the toe of his boot - this also indicates a lie.

Also, an averted look speaks in favor of a lie. If the interlocutor looks to the side, then he really wants to be believed, and if down, then he is extremely ashamed or he feels insecure. But most of these rules can be applied to amateurs: as practice shows, experienced liars know how to control themselves, so it is much more difficult to convict them of lying by gestures.

You can determine whether a person is telling the truth as follows: look the interlocutor in the eyes or at the tip of the nose for a minute. If during this time he does not shrink and does not look away, then his words can be trusted.

Successful communication

In order to win over a person at the first meeting, you need to give preference to a restrained and accurate style of communication, but in no case be pedantic. You need to practice your gait and posture in advance. Men should walk firmly and confidently, women should walk softly and gracefully. You also need to pay attention to appearance, it should be accepted immediately.

A familiar greeting is considered bad form, it is better to limit yourself to a concise handshake, you do not need to hug and kiss a stranger who has just been introduced to you.

Potential enemy

No need to touch foreign objects or straighten clothes, you can gently gesticulate to the beat of speech. This gives persuasiveness and prevents a fussy state. You need to stay relaxed, show “open” gestures more often and smile, do not invade the personal space of a stranger. The main thing is to be internally tuned in to contact.

There is a lot to be said about body language. Human facial expressions and gestures can even reveal secrets. For example, a half-smile to one side indicates hidden contempt, protrusion of the chin forward with an accompanying widening of the eyes indicates that the person is afraid, and twitching upper lip and the tip of the nose indicates hatred.

Knowing about such things is useful for every person, you never know who you will have to face in life, because every stranger can be a potential enemy, and the sooner his true intentions are known, the better.

This book is unique in its kind and helps a person to reveal certain facets of his inner abilities. With the help of the material presented in this book, you will be able to learn, based on the gestures of your interlocutor, to consciously fix, designate and understand his internal mental characteristics.

Description

This book is unique in its kind and helps a person to reveal certain facets of his inner abilities. With the help of the material presented in this book, you will be able to learn, based on the gestures of your interlocutor, to consciously fix, designate and understand his internal mental characteristics, namely: his attitude to what is happening, disposition towards you, mood, etc. All this, in turn, will contribute to the fact that you will be able to influence those with whom you communicate, shaping your public speaking skills in accordance with new knowledge. The book is designed for both men and women, but it is especially recommended for men, because. they're in lesser degree than women, master the art of unconscious perception.

The book is composed of eighteen interesting chapters, in which very useful material. At the beginning of the book, the authors give an overview of body language, receptivity, intuition and anticipation, various signals given by a person, basic communication gestures and their origin, as well as many other interesting things. Then it comes to congruence, zones and territories of different people and groups of people, transmitted information, hand gestures and their meaning, protective barriers, positions of body parts, eye signals and different views etc.

The second half of the book deals with gestures and signals that are characteristic of the courtship process, the meaning of cigarettes, cigars, pipes and other accessories in human communication and the gestures associated with them, as well as gestures of possessive and territorial claims. And recent chapters devoted to such issues as, the impact on others with the help of certain postures; open positions, ways of expressing attitudes towards people, features of negotiations and important meetings; types of movement and accommodation during communication, positions of business interaction, organization of meetings and refreshments, arrangement of furniture, etc. At the end of the book is a summary of the meaning of all of the above in everyday life.

about the author

PIZ Allan is an internationally recognized expert in the field of body language and non-verbal communication. He has a huge amount of audio and video materials, books and speeches. He is also engaged in consulting activities and works with businessmen, politicians, representatives of the royal nobility and show business.

Piz Barbara is CEO Pease, a company that publishes videos, training courses and programs for businessmen, politicians and other high-ranking people from all over the world. In addition, Barbara Pease helps Allan write some of his books.

body language,

Almost all of us have studied foreign languages. However, there is another international language, public and understandable, about which little was known until recently - this is the language of gestures, facial expressions and body movements of a person.

Psychologists have found that in the process of communication between people, from 60 to 80% of the message is conveyed through non-verbal means of expression, and only 20-40% of information is transmitted using verbal ones.

A feature of body language is that its manifestation is due to the impulses of our subconscious, and the inability to fake these impulses allows us to trust this language more than usual, verbally communication. Body language can be faked, but at a very a short time because soon, the body will involuntarily transmit signals that contradict its conscious actions. Faking and imitating body language over a long period of time is difficult, but it is helpful to learn how to use positive, open gestures to successfully communicate with others, and to get rid of gestures that carry a negative, negative connotation.

A large number of gestures and body movements are used in communication. Let us pay attention only to those gestures and body movements that are often encountered in everyday life and which may become useful when discussing contracts or talking with other people.

Collection of gestures

As in agriculture, where it is impossible to single out a single influencing factor, so in the study of body language, one gesture cannot be singled out and considered in isolation from other gestures and circumstances. For example, scratching the back of the head can mean a thousand things - dandruff, sweating, insecurity, forgetfulness, speaking lies. Depending on other gestures that accompany this scratching, one can draw a conclusion and correctly interpret. In a language, in order to understand the true meaning of a word, one must construct a sentence. So it is in body movements - you need to see the whole set of gestures in order to understand their true meaning.

For example, critical evaluative attitude: propping up the cheek with the index finger while the other finger covers the mouth and the thumb rests under the chin. The next confirmation of the critical attitude is firmly crossed legs, the position of the second hand across the body, as if protecting it, and the head and chin are tilted.

If a person, after you ask him for his attitude to what was said, begins to assure in his full consent, this means that he is lying, or that he verbal communication with you is incongruent with his gestures. What would you say, for example, about a politician who, standing on the podium, clasps his arms across his chest (defensive posture), lowers his chin (critical or hostile posture) and tells the audience how receptive and friendly he is to the ideas of young people?

The context in which a gesture is made is as important as the totality of gestures. If a person sits at a bus stop in winter with crossed legs, arms crossed tightly on his chest and his head lowered, then most likely this means that he is cold. However, if a person in exactly the same position sits at the negotiating table, then his gestures should most definitely be interpreted as having a negative or defensive attitude towards the situation.

Factors affecting the interpretation of gestures

If a person has a weak handshake, then often this indicates a weakness of his character. However, if a person has arthritis, then a weak handshake protects the hand from pain. Also, people in professions where sensitive fingers are required - artists, surgeons, musicians - try to avoid shaking hands, and if they are forced to use a gentle handshake. Sometimes people who wear uncomfortable or tight clothing are constrained in their movements, which affects the expressiveness of their body language. These are rare cases, but they should be taken into account.

How to tell a lie without revealing yourself

The problem with lying is that our subconscious works automatically and independently of us, so our body language gives us away. When we tell a lie, even with a conscious attempt to suppress all kinds of body movements, the body gives out a lot of microsignals. It can be either a curvature of the facial muscles, dilation or narrowing of the pupils, perspiration on the forehead, blush on the cheeks, rapid blinking, and much more, which signals a deception.

In order not to give yourself away at the moment of uttering a lie, you need to make sure that there is no review of your posture. When the interlocutor has the opportunity to fully view you, if the room has good lighting, do not try to lie. And on the contrary, sitting at the table, when the body is partially hidden, or talking on the phone, it is much easier to hide a lie.

Zones and territories

Territory is a space that a person considers his own, as if this space is an extension of his physical body. Like animals, a person has his own territory, an air shell surrounding his body, and its size depends on the density of the population of people in the place where this person lives.

The spatial territory is conditionally divided into 4 distinct zones.

Intimate zone- 15-46 centimeters. it main zone, and it is guarded by man especially jealously. Only those persons with whom you are in close emotional contact are allowed to enter this zone. In this zone there is also a subzone with a radius of 15 centimeters, which can only be penetrated through physical contact.

Private zone from 46 cm to 1.2 m. This is the distance that usually separates us when we are at parties, official receptions, evenings, friendly meetings.

social zone from 1.2 to 3.6 meters. At this distance, we keep from strangers, for example, a visitor or a worker doing repairs in the house. From people we don't know very well.

public area(more than 3.6 meters). When we are talking to a large group of people, it is most convenient to stand exactly at this distance from the audience.

Practical use of zonal space

Usually the intimate area is violated for two reasons. If the "violator" is our loved one, or if the "violator" shows hostile feelings. A person is quite tolerant of the intrusion of an outsider into personal or social areas, while the intrusion into an intimate area causes a "state of alert". At the same time, the heart begins to beat faster, adrenaline is released into the blood, and it rushes to the brain and muscles. This means that if you touch the hand or hug someone you just met in a friendly way, it may cause a negative reaction in him, even if he continues to smile at you. Therefore, if you want people to feel comfortable in your company, keep your distance. So, for example, if you got a job, then at first it will seem to you that colleagues treat you coolly, although in fact you are kept at a distance from the social zone. However, after some time, when colleagues get to know you better, you will be allowed to move within the personal zone. An exception to the rule requiring strict observance of the remote zone are cases where the spatial zone of a person is determined by his social position. For example, a company manager and his subordinate may be fishing companions, and while fishing, they cross both the personal and intimate zones of each other. At work, the manager will keep the subordinate at a distance from the social zone, observing the unwritten rules of social stratification.

palm strength

From time immemorial, an open palm has been associated with sincerity, honesty, devotion and gullibility. Oaths are given with the palm over the heart, and the oath is given by raising an open palm.

Most The best way to find out if a person is frank and honest with you at the moment is to observe the position of his palms. For example, when people are completely frank with you, they hold out one or both of their palms to you. In a frank conversation, the palms are fully or partially open. Like other body language gestures, this is a completely unconscious gesture, it tells you that the interlocutor is telling the truth at the moment. If a person is trying to hide something, then during the explanation he will hide his hands in his pockets or keep them crossed. This begs the question - if you keep your palms open, you can lie, and no one will notice. The answer is other gestures that become visible to the observant person. An interesting observation has been made that most people cannot tell lies if their palms are open. With open palms, you can make other people lie less.

There are three basic palm command gestures: palm up position, palm down position, and pointing finger position. Consider an example where you ask to move a box to another corner of the room. In doing so, we will use the same words, tone of voice and facial expressions.

The position of the open palm up is a trusting, non-threatening gesture, reminiscent of the gesture of asking on the street. With this gesture, a person does not feel any pressure, and under the conditions of subordination, he will perceive this as a request from you.

When the palm is down, your gesture immediately has a hint of bossiness. In this case, a feeling of hostility may arise in the person to whom you are addressing. If this gesture is addressed to your colleague, then he may not fulfill this request, as if he did it with his palm up.

With the palm clenched into a fist with the index finger extended, you force the person into submission. If you have a habit of pointing your finger, try to replace this gesture with palms up or down, and you will see that you will make great progress in communicating with others.

Allan Pease, Barbara Pease

New body language. extended version

Books by Allan Pease

body language bible

Facial expressions, postures, mannerisms, gait, gaze - a complete decoding of all body movements, by which you can easily unravel the real feelings and thoughts of other people. Also, this book will help you become aware of your own non-verbal signals, teach you how to use them to effective communication.

New body language

The authors have significantly expanded and supplemented the publication. “Read any person like a book”, choose the right line of conduct, feel confident and at ease in any environment, accept the most right decisions- all this is now real and available to everyone. learn new, modern version body language and you will certainly succeed in everything!

Why do men lie and women cry

World-famous interpersonal experts Allan and Barbara Pease, in their clever and fascinating book, tried to find answers to the questions that a woman asks herself when she wakes up on a Sunday morning, and which she tells herself

How to make a man listen and a woman be silent

Allan and Barbara Pease will teach you how to retreat from the battlefield in time, and sometimes avoid the fight itself. Practical Tips, which are easy to perform, will help you not only establish warm and trusting relationship in the family, but will also make your life more harmonious and happier.

Speak Accurately… How to Combine the Joy of Communication with the Benefits of Persuasion

This book, written by international "communication technology" experts, will teach you how to separate formal politeness phrases from grains of truth and decipher non-verbal cues. You will be able to appreciate the sincerity of a partner and correctly interpret his thoughts, and the ability to compliment and listen carefully will allow you not only to succeed in your personal life, but will also lift you to the top of your professional career, make you a "master of conversation."

Gratitude

Here are a few people who have contributed directly or indirectly to this book, sometimes without even knowing it:

Dr. John Tickel, Dr. Dennis Whiteley, Dr. Andre Davril, Professor Philip Hunsaker, Trevor Dolby, Armin Gontermann, Lothar Menne, Ray and Ruth Pease, Malcolm Edwards, Ian Marshall, Laura Meehan, Ron and Toby Hale, Darryl Whitby, Susan Lamb, Sadaki Hayashi, Deb Surtens, Deb Inksman, Doreen Carroll, Steve Wright, Derrin Hinch, Dana Reeves, Ronnie Corbett, Vanessa Feltz, Esther Rantzen, Jonathan Coleman, Trish Goddard, Kerry-Ann Kennerly, Burt Newton, Roger Moore, Lenny Henry, Ray Martin, Mike Walsh, Don Lane, Ian Leslie, Ann Diamond, Jerry & Sherry Meadows, Stan Zermarnik, Darrell Somers, Andres Kepes, Leon Biner, Bob Geldof, Vladimir Putin, Andy McNab, John Howard, Nick & Katherine Grainer, Bruce Courtney, Tony and Sheri Blair, Greg and Kathy Owen, Lindy Chamberlain, Mike Stoller, Jerry and Kathy Bradbeer, Ty and Patty Boyd, Mark Victor Hansen, Brian Tracy, Kerry Packer, Ian Botham, Helen Richards, Tony Greig, Simon Townsend, Diana Spencer, Princes William and Harry, Prince Charles, Dr. Desmond Morris, Princess Anne, David and Ian Goodwin, Ivan Franghi, Victoria Singer, John Nevin, Richard Otton, Rob Edmonds, Jerry Hutton, John Hepworth, Bob Hessler, Gay Hubert, Ian MacKillop, Delia Mills, Pamela Anderson. Wayne Mugridge, Peter Opie, David Rose, Alan White, Rob Winch, Ron Tuckey, Barry Markoff, Christina Maher, Sally and Jeff Burch, John Fenton, Norman and Glenda Leonard,

Dori Simmonds, whose attention and enthusiasm helped us write this book.

Introduction

A man's nails, the sleeves of his raincoat, his shoes, trousers, calluses on his hands, facial expression, cufflinks, movements - all this says a lot about a person.

A careful observer, by combining the observed signs, can come to an almost unmistakable conclusion.

SHERLOCK HOLMES, 1892

As a child, I always understood that people often say things that are not at all what they think and feel. And by understanding people's true thoughts and feelings and responding appropriately to their needs, you can achieve your own goals. When I was eleven, I began my working career as a sales agent. After school, I sold rubber sponges for washing dishes to earn some pocket money. I very quickly learned to understand whether the person who opened the door for me was going to buy my product or not. If I was escorted out, but at the same time the person’s palms were open, I understood that I could be persistent. Such people never showed aggression. When I was politely asked to leave, and at the same time pointed at the door with a finger or a clenched hand, I felt that it was really better to leave. I liked trading, I understood that I could achieve success in this business. In high school, I started selling dishes in the evenings. Then I managed to earn money for my first major purchase. Trading allowed me to communicate with people and study them with close range. I learned to identify potential buyers by body language. These skills proved invaluable in the disco. I accurately determined which of the girls would agree to dance with me, and which one would be better not to approach.

When I was twenty years old, I entered the insurance company and managed to achieve notable success. I became the youngest employee to sell a million dollars worth of policies in a year. My achievements have been commended. I was lucky because my knowledge of body language, acquired in school, turned out to be quite applicable in new area classes. I realized that I can succeed in any business related to communicating with people.

The world is not at all what it seems

Understanding what is really happening to a person is not very easy, but possible. You must mentally analyze what you see and hear, and in doing so, take into account the circumstances in which you are. And then you can draw correct conclusions. Most people see only what they think they actually see.

To clarify what I mean, I'll tell you short story.

Two men are walking through the woods. They pass by a large black hole.

“And the hole seems to be deep,” one remarks. “Let’s throw a couple of pebbles at it to test the depth.”

They throw a pebble and wait. No sound.

- Wow! The hole is really deep. Let's throw that big stone at her. There will definitely be sound from him.

They drop big Stone, waiting, but again there is no sound.

“I saw a railroad car in the bushes here,” one of the men remarks. “If we drop it down the hole, we’ll definitely hear a sound.”

They pull out a heavy wagon, push it into the hole, the wagon disappears, but there is no sound, still silence in response.

Suddenly, a goat appears from the neighboring bushes, rushing at a terrible speed. It flies between the men, flies into the air and disappears into the hole.

A farmer appears from the bushes and asks:

- Hey guys! Have you seen my goat?

“Of course you have! Will you forget this! He swept past us like the wind and jumped into that hole!

“No,” the farmer shakes his head. “That was not my goat. I tied mine to a sleeping car.

Do you know your own hand?

Sometimes we are convinced that we know something like our own hand, but experiments show that only 5% of people are able to recognize their own hand from a photograph. For a TV program, we did a simple experiment that proved that most people have no idea about body language. At the end of the hotel lobby, we installed a large mirror in such a way that the incoming people had the impression of a long corridor. On the ceiling, we hung climbing plants so that they were located at the height of human growth. Entering the lobby, a person saw his own reflection, and he had the impression that someone was walking towards him. He could not recognize the “other person”, because the plants suspended from the ceiling hid his face. However, the outlines of the figure and movement were clearly visible. Each guest stared at the “coming one” for five or six seconds, and then approached the porter's desk. At the bar, we asked if the man recognized the one who was walking towards him. 85% of men answered in the negative. Most men are unable to recognize themselves in the mirror. One even asked, “That fat, ugly guy?” We were not at all surprised that 58% of women said that there was a mirror in front of them, and 30% answered that the woman walking towards them seemed familiar to them.

Most men and almost half of women have no idea how they look below the neck.

How to deal with body language contradictions?

Almost everyone understands the body language of politicians very well, because we know that politicians constantly pretend that they believe in what they absolutely do not believe, and pretend not to be who they really are. They spend most of their time pretending, dodging, dodging, deceiving, hiding emotions and feelings, hiding behind smoke screens and mirrors, greeting imaginary friends in the crowd. But we instinctively feel that their bodies are sending us conflicting signals. Therefore, we prefer to see politicians up close in order to bring them to clean water.

What signal tells us that a politician is lying? His lips move.

For one television program, we conducted an experiment. This time we used the local tourist office. Tourists entered the bureau to get information about sights and interesting places cities. They were directed to the counter, where they talked with a bureau employee - a young man with blond hair and a mustache, in a white shirt and tie. After a few minutes of talking, the young man leaned under the counter to get the booklets. And then a completely different man appeared from there - shaven, with dark hair, in a blue shirt and without a tie. He continued to talk to the tourist from the same place where the first employee had left off. Surprisingly, almost half of the tourists did not notice that they were talking to another person. Neither men nor women paid attention either to the change in the nature of the body language, or to the completely different appearance of the interlocutor. If you don't have the innate ability to read body language cues, you're likely missing out on some very important information. In this book, we will tell you about what you do not notice.

How We Wrote This Book

Barbara and I wrote this book based on my early book"Body language". We have not only significantly expanded the previous edition, but also conducted research in new scientific disciplines- such as evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology, and also used data obtained using nuclear - magnetic resonance, which gave us an idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe processes occurring in the human brain. We tried to write our book in such a way that you can start reading it from anywhere. We focused on body movements, gestures and facial expressions, because this is what you should be interested in when communicating with another person. This book will help you become aware of your own non-verbal cues and teach you how to use them to communicate effectively. We will help you achieve what you want.

In this book, we have isolated and discussed in detail each component of body language in accessible terms so that everyone can understand us. However, we have tried our best to avoid oversimplification.

Surely there will be those among our readers who will raise their hands to the sky in horror, exclaiming that learning body language is just another way to learn how to manipulate other people in own purposes. But we didn't write our book for that! We just wanted to help you learn to communicate more effectively with other people, to better understand your interlocutors and yourself. Understanding body language will make your life clearer and easier. Ignorance and lack of understanding breed fear and prejudice, making us overly critical of others and ourselves. The hunter does not need to study the birds - he can simply shoot them and bring them home as a trophy. Learning body language makes communicating with another person an interesting and enjoyable process.

For simplicity, we everywhere use the words "he", "him", "him", meaning by it representatives of both sexes.

Your Body Language Dictionary

I wrote the first book as a guide for salespeople, managers, negotiators, and executives. This book covers almost every aspect of human life. It can be used at work, at home and on a date. It is the result of more than thirty years of work in the field human relations. We have tried to give you the necessary "dictionary" that would allow you to correctly understand the feelings and thoughts of other people. Here you will find answers to the most frequently asked questions about people's behavior and will be able to correct your own behavior. Imagine that you have been in a dark room for a long time. She was furnished, her walls were covered with wallpaper, but you never saw them. And suddenly someone turned on the light! Our book is the lamp that will help you really see what has always been around you. And now you will know exactly what the world around you really is and how you can live in it.

Allan Pease

Learning the basics

For representative Western world this gesture means "good", for the Italian - "one", for the Japanese - "five".

Each of us has acquaintances who, entering a room full of people, in five minutes can tell exactly who, with whom and in what relationship. The ability to understand the relationships between people and their thoughts on behavior is an ancient system of communication, and people used it long before the advent of oral speech.

Before the invention of radio, most of the communication took place in writing - through letters, books and newspapers. Dirty Politicians and bad speakers could succeed by working hard and writing a good, polished article. Abraham Lincoln was not a brilliant orator, but he was excellent at expressing his thoughts on paper. The era of radio opened the way for speakers. Winston Churchill was considered a unique speaker, but he would hardly have succeeded today, in the age of television.

Today, politicians understand that their success is determined by appearance and image. Most serious politicians have body language consultants who help them appear sincere, caring, and honest, when in reality, such qualities are completely out of character for them.

It seems incredible that, over thousands of years of evolution, body language began to be studied only in the 60s of the twentieth century. Many people today consider speech to be the main form of communication. In an evolutionary sense, speech is a very recent development. It is used, as a rule, to convey facts and data. Oral speech appeared about 500,000 years ago. During this time, the human brain has tripled in size. Prior to this, the main form of transmission of emotions and feelings was body language and sounds made by the throat. I must say that the situation has not changed much today. But because we focus on spoken words, most of us don't pay the slightest attention to body language. But he still plays important role in our life.

Nevertheless, many expressions have been preserved in oral speech, showing how important body language is in human life.

Take the weight off your shoulders. Keep at arm's length. Meet face to face. Don't bow your head. Shoulder to shoulder. Take the first step.

Sometimes such a phrase is not easy to take calmly, but it is simply impossible not to understand its meaning.

At the beginning it was...

Silent film actors were the first to actively use body language, as it was the only means of communication available to them. Good actors used gestures and body signals well, bad actors poorly. With the advent of sound cinema, the non-verbal aspects of acting began to be given less value. Many silent film actors were unclaimed. Success was achieved only by those who skillfully combined verbal and non-verbal skills.

Among the scientific works devoted to body language, we can highlight the work of Charles Darwin "The Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals", published in 1872. However, only scientists are familiar with this work. And yet it has greatly influenced modern research on facial expressions and body language. Many of Darwin's ideas and observations are still widely used by researchers around the world today. Since the writing of Darwin's work, scientists have identified and recorded almost a million non-verbal cues and signals. Albert Merabian, a pioneer in the study of body language, who worked in the 1950s, found that the information of any message is divided as follows: 7% of it is transmitted verbally, that is, in words, 38% - vocally (tone of voice, stress and way pronunciation of sounds) and 55% - non-verbal signals.

The meaning of what you want to say is conveyed to a greater extent by how you look at the moment of speech, and not at all by your words.

Anthropologist Ray Birdwistell has done original research on non-verbal communication. He called his observations "kinesics". Birdwistell assessed the degree of non-verbal communication between people. He came to the conclusion that average person speaks approximately 10–11 minutes a day, and the average sentence lasts only 2.5 seconds. Berwistell also found that a person can produce and recognize about 250,000 facial expressions.

Like Merabian, Birdwistell found that the verbal component of interpersonal communication is less than 35%, and over 65% of the information transmitted during communication is transmitted non-verbally. Our analysis of numerous sales transactions and negotiations conducted in the 70s and 80s showed that body language helps convey 60% to 80% of the information at the negotiating table. Most people form an opinion about a stranger in less than four minutes of conversation. Research also shows that when negotiations are conducted by telephone, the participant who relies on more strong arguments. If the negotiations are conducted in the process of personal communication, the result is not so predictable, since the final decision largely depends on what we see, and not just on what we hear.

Why are we sometimes misunderstood?

Although similar approach may seem incorrect, when meeting strangers for the first time, we very quickly draw conclusions about their friendliness, desire for dominance and sexual attractiveness. And at the same time, we do not look at the interlocutor's eyes at all.

Most researchers believe that words are used by a person mainly to convey information, while body language helps to convey interpersonal relationships. In some cases, body language effectively replaces verbal messages. For example, a woman can give a man a "killing look" and use that look to convey a very clear message without even opening her mouth.

Regardless of culture, words and movements are combined with a high degree predictability. Birdwistell was the first to notice that a trained person, after listening to a speaker on the radio, can absolutely determine exactly what movements the speaker made. Birdwistell learned to determine what language a person is speaking simply by observing his gestures.

It is difficult for many to come to terms with the fact that people are just biological beings, practically the same animals. We are representatives of primates - Homo sapiens. We are hairless monkeys who have learned to walk on two legs and have developed brain. But like any other animal, we are subject to the same biological laws. It is biology that governs our actions, reactions, body language and gestures. The most amazing thing is that people very rarely realize that their postures, movements and gestures say something completely different from what they are trying to say with words.

How body language reveals emotions and thoughts

Body language is external reflection emotional state of a person. Each gesture or movement is the key to the feelings that a person is experiencing at the moment. For example, a man who is aware that he is starting to gain weight can, in a moment of thought, twist the crease under his chin with his fingers. A woman who realizes that her hips are too full will unconsciously tug at her skirt and pull it down. A person who is fearful or defensive will cross their arms or legs. A man talking to a buxom interlocutor consciously tries not to look at her breasts, but at the same time unconsciously makes groping gestures with his hands.

Prince Charles found a spicy companion

In order to understand body language, you must understand the emotional state of the person at the time of the conversation, hear what is being said, and take into account the circumstances in which the conversation is being conducted. This will allow you to separate fact from speculation, reality from fantasy. Not so long ago, we humans gave excessive great importance words and oratory. However, most people have no understanding of body language cues and the impact they have. And this despite the fact that we know for sure: most of the information in the process of conversation is transmitted using body signals. Let's take an example. French President Chirac, US President Ronald Reagan, Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke actively use gestures to express the relative scale of the problem under discussion in their own minds. Bob Hawke once advocated an increase in the salaries of politicians, comparing their income with the income of the heads of large firms and enterprises. He argued that executive salaries were exorbitant, and that the salary increases he proposed for politicians were relatively small. Each time, mentioning the income of politicians, Hawk spread his arms about a meter. When he spoke about the salaries of managers, he spread his arms only 30 centimeters. The distance between the prime minister's palms showed that he perfectly understood the significant benefits of his proposal for politicians, despite all the verbal tricks.

President Jacques Chirac: shows the scale of the problem under discussion or just talks about his own love affairs?

Why are women more susceptible

When we say that a person has good intuition and receptivity, we unconsciously note his ability to understand the body language of the interlocutor and compare the received signals with verbal ones. In other words, speaking of the fact that we "gut" that the interlocutor is lying to us, we want to say that his words do not agree with the movements he makes. Speakers call this feeling collective or group consciousness. For example, if the listeners lean back in their chairs, raise their chins and cross their arms over their chests, an empathetic speaker immediately understands that he clearly did not succeed in his speech. At such a moment, he may adjust his speech to capture the attention of the audience. A speaker who is not distinguished by such sensitivity will continue his speech and will not achieve any success.

Susceptibility is the ability to notice contradictions between the words of a person and the movements and gestures he makes.

In general, it can be said that women are more susceptible than men. Women's intuition has long been proverbial. Women have an innate ability to understand and correctly decipher non-verbal signals, as well as notice the smallest details. This is why only a few husbands succeed in deceiving their wives. The women themselves are very successful in leading their faithful by the nose.

Research carried out by psychologists Harvard University showed that women are much more attentive to body language than men. The subjects were shown short videos with the sound turned off, and then they were asked to explain what was happening on the screen. The videos used scenes of communication between men and women. As a result, it turned out that women correctly assessed what was happening in 87 percent of cases, while men - only 42 percent. Almost female intuition is possessed by men whose activities are related to caring and communicating with other people. Homosexuals also showed good results. Women's intuition is especially strongly developed among those who raise children. During the first years of a child's life, a woman has to rely almost entirely on non-verbal channels. That is why women have much more developed intuition than men: they have to learn this art very early.

What Science Says

Most women have a more organized and socialized brain than men. The NMR images clearly explain why women are better at communicating and evaluating than men. From fourteen to sixteen regions of the female brain assess the behavior of the interlocutor, while in men there are only four to six such regions. That is why a woman, having come to a party, can immediately assess the relationship between the rest of the guests: who quarreled, who is in love with whom, who recently broke up, etc. almost impossible.

As we discussed in The Language of Relationships, the female brain is geared towards multitracking. Ordinary woman can speak simultaneously on two or more unrelated topics. She can watch TV while talking on the phone, listening in on the conversation behind her back and still drinking coffee. She can touch on several completely different topics during one conversation and use five intonational emphasis to change the topic or emphasize something. Unfortunately, most men are only able to recognize three such discharges. As a result, when women try to communicate with men, they often lose the thread of the conversation.

Research shows that a person who relies on visual cues from face-to-face communication makes more accurate inferences about their interlocutor than someone who relies solely on words. And in this they are helped by knowledge of body language. Women have this skill subconsciously, everyone else can learn it. That's why we wrote our book.

Why do fortune tellers know so much?

If you have ever turned to fortune tellers, you must have wondered how they know so much about you. And sometimes these people know something that, it would seem, no one should know. Maybe they really are clairvoyants? Studies show that most fortune tellers use a technique called "cold reading", which reaches 80% accuracy when fortune telling for perfect stranger. To naive clients, this may seem like a real miracle, but in reality, the predictor simply correctly interprets body language signals, has profound knowledge human nature and relies on probability theory. Tarot card readers, astrologers and palmists use the same technique. They begin to collect information about the client literally from the first minute, as soon as he crosses the threshold of their office. Many soothsayers are not even aware of their ability to read non-verbal cues and are sincerely convinced of their "supernatural" abilities. It is not surprising that such conviction lends additional persuasiveness to the presentation. And besides, those who often visit the predictors are pre-configured for a positive result. Tarot cards, crystal ball, mysterious atmosphere create ideal conditions to read body language signals. In such an environment, even the most hardened skeptic can be convinced that magic really exists. An experienced predictor is excellent at deciphering the client's reactions to the questions asked and the statements made, and in addition, he receives a lot of information simply from the visitor's appearance. Most predictors are women, because, as we have said before, women have an innate ability to read body signals and determine the emotional state of the interlocutor.

Alan Pease - Body Language.

Chapter I. General understanding of body language.

By the end of the 20th century, a new type of sociological scientist, a specialist in the field of non-verbalism, appeared. Just as an ornithologist enjoys observing the behavior of birds, so a non-verbalist enjoys observing non-verbal signs and signals when people communicate. He watches them at formal receptions, at the beach, on television, at work - everywhere where people interact with each other. He studies the behavior of people, seeking to learn more about the actions of his comrades in order to learn more about himself and how to improve his relationships with other people. It seems almost unbelievable that in over a million years of human evolution, non-verbal aspects of communication began to be seriously studied only from the early sixties, and the public became aware of their existence only after Julius Fast published his book in 1970. This book summarized the research on the non-verbal aspects of communication done by behavioral scientists before 1970, but even today most people are still unaware of the existence of body language, despite its importance in their lives.

Charlie Chaplin and other silent film actors were the pioneers of non-verbal communication, for them it was the only means of communication on the screen. Each actor was classified as good or bad based on how they could use gestures and other body movements to communicate. When sound films became popular and less attention was paid to the non-verbal aspects of acting, many silent film actors left the stage, and actors with pronounced verbal abilities began to predominate on the screen.

As for the technical side of the study of the problem of body language; Perhaps the most influential work of the early 20th century was Charles Darwin's "The Expression of the Emotions in Humans and Animals", published in 1872. It stimulated modern research in the field of "body language", and many of Darwin's ideas and his observations are recognized by researchers today. all over the world. Since that time, scientists have discovered and recorded more than 1000 non-verbal signs and signals.

Albert Meyerabian found that the transmission of information occurs through verbal means (only words) by 7%, by sound means (including tone of voice, intonation of sound) by 38%, and by non-verbal means by 55%. Professor Birdwissle has done similar research on the proportion of non-verbal means in human communication. He found that the average person only speaks words for 10-11 minutes a day, and that each sentence lasts no more than 2.5 seconds on average. Like Meyerabian, he found that less than 35% of the information in a conversation is verbal, and more than 65% of the information is conveyed through non-verbal means of communication.

Most researchers share the opinion that the verbal (verbal) channel is used to convey information, while the non-verbal channel is used to "discuss" interpersonal relationships, and in some cases is used instead of verbal messages. For example, a woman can send a murderous look to a man, and she will clearly convey her attitude to him without even opening her mouth.

Regardless of a person's cultural level, words and their accompanying movements match with such a degree of predictability that Birdwissle even argues that a well-trained person can tell from their voice what movement a person is making. the moment of pronouncing a particular phrase. Conversely, Birdwissle learned to determine what voice a person is speaking by observing his gestures at the moment of speech.

It is difficult for many people to accept that man is, after all, a biological being. Homo sapiens is a species of large, hairless monkey that has learned to walk on two legs and has a well-developed brain. Like other animals, we are subject to biological laws that control our actions, reactions, body language and gestures. Surprisingly, the animal man rarely realizes that his posture, gestures and movements can contradict what his voice says.

Susceptibility, Intuition and Premonitions.

When we say that a person is sensitive and intuitive, we mean that he (or she) has the ability to read another person's nonverbal cues and compare those cues to verbal cues. In other words, when we say that we have a premonition, or that our "sixth sense" tells us that someone has told a lie, we really mean that we have noticed a discrepancy between the body language and the words spoken by this person. Lecturers call this the feeling of the audience. For example, if listeners are seated deep in their chairs with their chins down and arms crossed over their chests, susceptible person there will be a premonition that his message will not be successful. He will understand that something needs to be changed in order to interest the audience. And an unreceptive person, accordingly, will not pay attention to this and aggravate his mistake.

Women are usually more sensitive than men and this explains the existence of such a thing as female intuition. Women have an innate ability to notice and decipher non-verbal signals, to capture the smallest details. Therefore, few of the husbands can deceive their wives, and, accordingly, most women can find out the secret of a man in his eyes, which he does not even suspect.

This female intuition is especially well developed in women involved in the upbringing of young children.

For the first few years, a mother relies solely on non-verbal communication with her child, and it is believed that due to their intuition, women are better suited to negotiate than men.

Congenital, Genetic, Acquired and Cultural Signals.

Despite the fact that much research has been done, there are heated discussions about whether non-verbal signals are innate or acquired, whether they are transmitted genetically or acquired in some other way. Evidence has come from observations of blind, deaf, and deaf-mute people who could not learn nonverbal language through auditory or visual receptors. Observations were also made on the gestural behavior of various nations and the behavior of our closest anthropological relatives, monkeys and macaques, was studied.

The findings of these studies indicate that gestures are classifiable. For example, most primate babies are born with the ability to suck, indicating that this ability is either innate or genetic.

The German scientist Eibl-Eibesfeldt found that the ability to smile in children who are deaf or blind from birth manifests itself without any training or copying, which confirms the hypothesis of innate gestures. Ekman, Friesen, and Sorenzan confirmed some of Darwin's assumptions about innate gestures when they studied the facial expressions of people from five very different cultures. They found that representatives different cultures used the same facial expressions when showing certain emotions, which led them to conclude that these gestures must be innate.

When you cross your arms over your chest, do you cross right hand over left or left over right? Most people cannot reliably answer this question until they have done so. In one case they will feel comfortable, in the other case not. From this we can conclude that this is perhaps a genetic gesture that cannot be changed.

There is also controversy over whether some gestures are acquired and culturally determined or genetic. For example, most men put on their coats starting from the right sleeve, while most women start putting on their coats from the left sleeve. When a man passes a woman on a crowded street, he usually turns his body towards the woman as he passes; the woman usually walks away, turning away from him. Does she do it instinctively, protecting her breasts? Is this a woman's innate gesture, or has she learned it unconsciously from watching other women?

Most non-verbal gestures are learned, and the meaning of many movements and gestures is culturally determined. Consider these aspects of "body language".

Basic Communication Gestures and Their Origins.

All over the world, the basic communication gestures do not differ from each other. When people are happy they smile, when they are sad they frown, when they are angry they look angry.

Fig.1. Shrug.

Nodding one's head almost all over the world signifies "yes" or an affirmation. It appears to be an innate gesture as it is also used by deaf and blind people. Shaking the head to indicate denial or disagreement is also universal, and may be one of the gestures invented in childhood. When the baby has sucked milk, he, refusing the mother's breast, makes a movement of his head from side to side. When a small child is full, he turns his head from side to side to dodge the spoon with which his parents feed him. In this way, he very quickly learns to use the shaking of his head to express his disagreement and negative attitude.

You can trace the origin of some gestures on the example of our primitive communal past. Baring teeth

Fig.2. "Everything is fine".

preserved from the act of attacking the enemy and is still used modern man when he grins wickedly or shows his hostility in some other way. Smiling was originally a symbol of threat, but today, when combined with friendly gestures, it denotes pleasure or goodwill.

Shrug gesture is good example universal gesture, which means that the person does not know or does not understand what it is about. This is a complex gesture, consisting of three components: turned palms, raised shoulders, raised eyebrows.

Just as verbal languages ​​differ from each other depending on the type of culture, so the non-verbal language of one nation differs from the non-verbal language of another nation. While a certain gesture may be universally recognized and have a clear interpretation in one nation, in another nation it may have no designation, or have completely opposite meaning. For example, consider the difference in the interpretation by different nations of such three typical gestures as the ring of the fingers of the hand, the raised thumb and the V-shaped gesture with the fingers.

Gesture "O`Key" or Circle Formed by the Fingers of the Hand. The gesture was popularized in America in the early 19th century, mainly by the press, which at the time began a campaign to reduce words and catchphrases to their initial letters. Exist different opinions as to what the initials "OK." stand for. Some believe that they meant "all correct" - everything is correct, but then, as a result of a spelling mistake, they turned into "Oll - Korrect". Others say that it is an antonym for the word "knockout", which in English is denoted by the letters K.O. There is another theory that this is an abbreviation for "ol Kinderhoor", the birthplace of the American president who used these initials (O.K.) as a campaign slogan. Which theory of these is correct, we will never know, but it looks like the circle itself stands for the letter "O" in the word 0"keu. The meaning of "OK" is well known in all English speaking countries, as well as in Europe and Asia, in some countries this gesture has a completely different origin and meaning. For example, in France it means "zero" or "nothing", in Japan it means "money", and in some countries of the Mediterranean basin this gesture is used to indicate the homosexuality of a man.

Therefore, when traveling around different countries, one should obey the rule “You don’t go to a foreign monastery with your charter.” This will help you avoid possible embarrassing situations.

Raised Thumb Up. In America, England, Australia and New Zealand, the thumbs up has 3 meanings. It is usually used when "voting" on the road, in an attempt to catch a passing car. The second meaning is "it's all right", and when the thumb is sharply thrown up, it becomes an offensive sign, meaning a swear word or "sit on it." In some countries, such as Greece, this gesture means "shut up", so you can imagine the position of an American trying to catch a passing car on a Greek road with this gesture! When Italians count from one to five, this gesture means the number "I", and the index finger then means "2". When Americans and British count, the index finger means "I", and middle finger"2"; in this case, the thumb represents the number "5".

The thumbs-up gesture is used in combination with other gestures as a symbol of power and superiority, and also in situations where someone wants to “crush” you with a finger. We will take a closer look at the use of this gesture in this specific context below.

Fig.Z. "No problem".

V - Figurative Sign with Fingers. This sign is very popular in the UK and Australia and has an offensive connotation. During World War II, Winston Churchill popularized the "V" sign for victory, but for this designation, the hand is turned back to the speaker. If, with this gesture, the hand is turned with the palm towards the speaker, then the gesture acquires an offensive meaning - "shut up." In most European countries, however, the V gesture means "victory" anyway, so if an Englishman wants to tell a European to shut up with this gesture, he will be perplexed what victory the Englishman meant. In many countries, this gesture also means the number "2".

These examples show how misunderstandings can lead to misinterpretations of gestures that do not take into account national characteristics speaker. Therefore, before drawing any conclusions about the meaning of gestures and body language, it is necessary to take into account the national identity of a person.

Collection of Gestures.

One of the biggest mistakes newcomers to learning body language can make is trying to single out one gesture and treat it in isolation from other gestures and circumstances. For example, scratching the back of the head can mean a thousand things - dandruff, fleas, sweating, insecurity, forgetfulness, or telling a lie - depending on what other gestures accompany this scratching, so for a correct interpretation we must take into account the whole complex of accompanying gestures.

Like any language, body language is made up of words, sentences, and punctuation. Each gesture is like one word, and a word can have several different meanings. You can fully understand the meaning of this word only when you insert this word into a sentence along with other words. Gestures come in the form of "sentences" and accurately speak of the actual state, mood and attitude of a person. An observant person can read these non-verbal sentences and compare them with verbal sentences speaker.

Figure 4 shows a set of gestures denoting a critically evaluative attitude. The main thing here is the gesture of "supporting the cheek with the index finger", while the other finger covers the mouth, and the thumb lies under the chin. The next confirmation that the listener is critical of you is that his legs are firmly crossed, and the second hand lies across the body, as if protecting him, and his head and chin are tilted (hostilely). This non-verbal sentence tells you something like, "I don't like what you're saying and I don't agree with you."

Congruence - Coincidence of Words and Gestures.

If you were the interlocutor of the person shown in Fig. 4, and asked him to express his opinion on what you just said, to which he would respond that he did not agree with you, then his non-verbal signals would be congruent, i.e. e. matched his words. If he says that he really likes everything you say, he will lie, because his words and gestures will not be congruent. Research proves that non-verbal cues carry 5 times more information than verbal, and in case the signals are not congruent, people rely on non-verbal information, preferring it to verbal.

It is not uncommon to see a politician standing on the podium with his arms crossed tightly over his chest (defensive posture) with his chin down (critical or hostile posture) and telling the audience how receptive and friendly he is to the ideas of young people. He may try to convince the audience of his warm, humane attitude by making quick, sharp blows to the podium. Sigmund Freud once remarked that when a patient verbally assured him that she was happy

Fig.4. A typical pose of critical appraisal.

in marriage, she unconsciously took off her finger and put it on wedding ring. Freud understood the significance of this involuntary gesture and was not surprised when the patient's family problems began to emerge.

The key to the correct interpretation of gestures is to take into account the totality of gestures and the congruence of verbal and non-verbal signals.

Context value for Gesture Interpretation.

In addition to taking into account the totality of gestures and the correspondence between words and body movements, for the correct interpretation of gestures, it is necessary to take into account the context in which these gestures live. If, for example, on a cold winter day you see bus stop a person sitting cross-legged, arms crossed tightly on his chest and head down, then this will most likely mean that he is cold, and not at all his critical attitude towards something. However, if a person in exactly the same position is sitting opposite you at the negotiating table for a deal, then his gestures should most definitely be interpreted as having a negative or defensive attitude in the current situation.

In this book, all gestures will be considered in relation to the surrounding situation, and, if possible, a set of gestures will be considered in context.

Other Factors Influencing Gesture Interpretation.

If a person has a weak handshake, then we can conclude that his character is weak, and in the chapter on the characteristics of the handshake we will explore the reasons that explain this statement. But if a person has arthritis in the joints of the hand, then he will use a weak handshake to keep the hand from pain. Therefore, artists, musicians, surgeons, and people in other delicate professions where sensitive fingers are required, usually prefer not to shake hands, but if they are forced to do so, they use a gentle handshake.

Sometimes people who wear ill-fitting or tight clothing are constrained in their movements, and this affects the expressiveness of their body language. These are quite rare cases, but it is important to keep them in mind in order to understand which psychological impact have such things on body langwidge.

Position in Society and Wealth Gesticulation.

Scientific research in the field of linguistics has shown that there is a direct relationship between social status, the power and prestige of a person and his vocabulary. In other words, the higher the social or professional position person, the better his ability to communicate at the level of words and phrases. Research in the field of non-verbalism has revealed a relationship between a person's eloquence and the degree of gesture used by a person to convey the meaning of their messages. This means that there is a direct relationship between the social position of a person, his prestige and the number of gestures and body movements that he uses. A person at the top of the social ladder or professional career can enjoy the wealth of his vocabulary in the process of communication, while the less educated or less professional man will rely more on gestures rather than words in the process of communication.

In this book, most of the examples describe the behavior of people of the middle class, but the general rule is that the higher the socio-economic position of a person, the less developed his gestures and poorer body movements.

The speed of some gestures and their obviousness to the eye depends on the age of the person. For example, if a 5-year-old child tells a lie to his parents, then immediately after that he will cover his mouth with one or both hands (Fig. 5). This "covering the mouth with the hand" gesture will tell the parents that the child has lied, but throughout a person's life the person uses this gesture when they lie, usually only the speed of making this gesture changes. When a teenager tells a lie, the hand covers the mouth in much the same way as a five-year-old child, but only the fingers slightly circle

Fig.5.The child is deceiving.

lip line (Fig. 6). This gesture of covering the mouth with the hand becomes more refined in adulthood. When an adult lies, his brain sends him an impulse to cover his mouth in an attempt to hold back the words of deceit, as is done by a five-year-old child or teenager, but in last moment the hand avoids the mouth and another gesture is born - touching the nose (Fig. 7). Such a gesture is nothing more than an improved adult version of the same gesture of covering the mouth with a hand, which was present in childhood. This is an example of the fact that as people age, gestures become less flashy and more veiled, so it is always more difficult to read the information of a 50-year-old person than a young one.

Fig.6. The teenager is cheating.Fig.7. The adult is lying.

Ability to Fake Body Language.

The most typical question is "Is it possible to fake in one's own body language?" The usual answer to this question is no, because the lack of congruence between gestures, bodily signals, and spoken words will give you away. For example, open palms are associated with honesty, but when a deceiver opens his arms to you and smiles at you while telling a lie, his body's microsignals will give away his secret thoughts. These may be constricted pupils, a raised eyebrow, or a curvature of the corner of the mouth, and all these signals will contradict open arms and a big smile. As a result, the recipient tends to disbelieve what he hears. It seems as if in human brain there is a safety device that "goes off scale" every time it registers non-congruent non-verbal signals. There are, however, cases where body language is specifically taught to achieve favorable impression. Take, for example, the Miss America or Miss Universe beauty pageants, in which each contestant is trained in body movements that radiate warmth and sincerity. The more skillfully a contestant can transmit these signals, the more points she will receive from the judges. But even experienced specialists can only imitate the desired movements for a short period of time, because soon the body will involuntarily transmit signals that contradict its conscious actions. Many politicians are experts in copying body language and use this to woo their constituents and make them believe their speeches. Those politicians who do this successfully are said to have " God's gift". Face more often than any other part human body used to hide false statements. We smile, nod our heads, and wink in an attempt to hide the lies, but unfortunately for us, our body tells the truth with its signs, and there is a discrepancy between the signals read from the face and from the body, and words. Studying facial expressions is an art in itself.

Little attention is given to this in this book, and more details are given in Robert L. Whiteside's "Face Language" and in "Reading Faces" by Leopold Bellan and Sam Sinpolier Baker.

In conclusion, it is difficult to imitate and fake body language for a long period of time, but it is useful to learn how to use positive, open gestures to successfully communicate with other people and get rid of gestures that carry a negative, negative connotation "? This will make you feel more comfortable in the company of people and will make you more attractive to them.

How to Tell a Lie Without Revealing Yourself.

The problem with lying is that our subconscious works automatically and independently of us, so our body language gives us away. That is why it is immediately noticeable when people who rarely tell lies are lying, no matter how convincingly they present it. The very moment they begin to lie, their body begins to give completely opposite signals, which gives you the feeling that you are being lied to. During a deception, our subconscious mind throws out a bundle of nervous energy, which manifests itself in gestures that contradict what the person said. Some people whose professions are directly related to deception in different forms, such as politicians, lawyers, actors and TV commentators, have trained their body movements to such an extent that it is difficult for them to notice that they are telling a lie, and people fall for their bait, trust them.

They train their gestures in two ways. First, they work out those gestures that give credibility to what is said, but this is only possible if you practice lying for a long period of time. Secondly, they almost completely eliminate their gestures so that there are no positive or negative gestures at the moment when they are lying, but this is also very difficult to do.

Try this simple experiment just in case. Deliberately tell a lie to your friend and make a conscious attempt to suppress any body movements, and be in full view of your interlocutor. Even if you consciously hold back bright, catchy gestures, many tiny micro signals will be transmitted by your body. This can be either a curvature of the facial muscles, dilation or constriction of the pupils, perspiration on the forehead, blush on the cheeks, rapid blinking, and many other small gestures that signal deception. Time-lapse studies have shown that these micro-gestures only occur for a fraction of a second, and only people like professional interviewers during a conversation, experienced businessmen during negotiations, and those people who, as we say, have developed intuition, can notice them. The best interviewers and salespeople are those who have developed the ability to read the meaning of their partner's microgestures during close, face-to-face contact.

It is quite obvious that in order not to give yourself away at the moment of uttering a lie, you need to make sure that there is no complete review your posture. This is why, during police interrogation, the suspect is placed on a chair in a well-viewed or well-lit area of ​​the room so that he can be seen by the interrogator and it would be easier to detect when he is telling a lie. Naturally, your lie will be less noticeable if at that moment you are sitting at the table and your body is partially hidden, or standing behind a fence or closed door. It's easier to lie on the phone!

How to Learn to Speak Body Language.

Challenge yourself to spend at least fifteen minutes a day studying and interpreting other people's gestures, as well as analyzing your own gestures. An experimental space can be any place where people meet and interact. In particular, the airport is an excellent place to observe the whole spectrum of human gestures, because here people express a whole range of emotions through gestures: longing, anger, horror, grief, happiness, impatience, and much more. An excellent observation point is also official receptions, business meetings and evenings, parties. Once you learn the art of body language, you can go out for an evening, sit quietly in a corner all evening, and enjoy watching the body language ritual in society. Television also provides a delightful opportunity to explore the features of non-verbal communication. Turn off the sound and try to guess what is happening on the screen just from the image. By turning on the sound every 5 minutes, you will be able to check the correctness of your understanding of non-verbals, and soon you will be able to watch the entire program without sound and understand everything that happens on the screen, as deaf people do.

Chapter II. Zones and territories.

Many books and articles have been written on the subject of how animals, birds, and fish establish and protect their habitats, but it has only recently been discovered that humans have their own protected areas and territories. If we study them and understand their meaning, we will not only enrich our understanding of our own behavior and the behavior of other people, but we will be able to predict the reaction of another person in the process. direct communication in a personal meeting.

American anthropologist Edward T. Hall was one of the pioneers in the study of human spatial needs, and in the early sixties he introduced the term "proximics" (from the word proximity - closeness). His research in this area has led to a new understanding of our relationships with other human beings.

Each country is a staked territory with clearly defined borders and border troops guarding this area.

Within each country there is another territorial division as states or counties. These territories are further subdivided into even smaller ones, called cities, within which there are districts made up of streets, which in themselves constitute a closed territory for those who live on them. The inhabitants of each territory are united by an invisible sense of commitment to their territory, and history knows many examples when bloody wars and murders begin to protect their territory.

Territory is also understood as a space that a person considers his own, as if this space is an extension of his physical body. Each person has his own personal territory, which includes the space surrounding his property, for example, his house surrounded by a fence, a car in the yard, his own bedroom, his personal chair and, as Dr. Hall discovered, he also has a clearly defined airspace around of your body.

This chapter will focus primarily on issues related to this kind of territory and how people react to attempts to violate it.

Personal Territory. The physical body of most animals is surrounded by a certain spatial zone, which they consider their own personal territory. How far this territory extends depends mainly on how densely populated the places in which this animal lives. A lion raised in the vast areas of Africa can have a habitat radius of 31 miles or more, depending on the density of the population of lions in this area, he marks his territory with feces and urination. But if a lion has been raised in a cage with many other lions, his personal territory can be limited to literally a few feet, which is a direct consequence of the overcrowding of the habitat.

Like other animals, a person has his own air shell surrounding his body, its size depends on the population density of people in his place of residence. Consequently, the dimensions of the personal spatial zone are socially and nationally conditioned. While members of one nation, such as the Japanese, are accustomed to overcrowding, others prefer wide open spaces and like to keep their distance. However, we will talk mainly about the territorial behavior of the peoples of the Western countries.

A person's social position can also be significant in describing the distance a person holds in relation to other people, and this issue will be discussed below.

Zonal Spaces. The size of the personal spatial territory of a person of average wealth social level are basically the same regardless of whether he lives in North America, England or Australia. It can be divided into 4 distinct spatial zones.

1. Intimate zone (from 15 to 46 cm). Of all the zones, this is the most important, since it is this zone that a person guards as if it were his own property. Only those persons who are in close emotional contact with him are allowed to enter this zone. These are children, parents, spouses, lovers, close friends and relatives. In this zone there is also a subzone with a radius of 15 cm, which can only be penetrated through physical contact. This is an extremely intimate area.

2. Personal zone (from 46 cm to 1.2 meters). This is the distance that usually separates us when we are at cocktail parties, official receptions, official evenings and friendly parties.

3. Social zone (from 1.2 to 3.6 meters). This is the distance we keep from strangers, such as a plumber or carpenter who comes to fix our house, a postman, a new employee at work, and people we don't know very well.

4. Public area (more than 3.6 meters). When we address a large group of people, it is most convenient to stand exactly at this distance from the audience.

Fig.8. Various zones.

Practical Use of Zonal Space.

Usually our intimate zone is violated by this or that person for two reasons. The first is when the "violator" is our close relative or friend, or someone who has sexual intent. The second is when the "intruder" shows hostile tendencies and tends to attack us. If we can tolerate the invasion of strangers into our personal and social zones, then the invasion of a stranger into the intimate zone causes various physiological reactions and changes inside our body. The heart begins to beat faster, adrenaline is released into the blood, and it rushes to the brain and muscles as a signal physical readiness our body to fight, i.e. alert.

This means that if you touch the hand or hug the person you just met in a friendly way, this may cause him or her to react negatively towards you, even if he or she smiles at you and, in order not to offend you, do look like she likes it. If you want people to feel comfortable in your company, follow the golden rule: "Keep your distance." The more intimate our relationship with other people, the closer we are allowed to enter their zones. For example, a newly hired employee at first may think that the team treats him very coolly, but they simply keep him at a distance of the social zone, because they do not know him well. As soon as colleagues get to know him better, the territorial distance between them is reduced, and in the end he is allowed to move within the personal zone, and in some cases penetrate into the intimate zone.

The distance between two kissers can tell you a lot about the nature of the relationship between these people. Lovers tightly press their bodies against each other and are inside each other's intimate zone. The distance will be completely different if you receive a kiss from a stranger wishing you a Happy New Year, or from your best friend's husband, since both will push the lower body along at least at a distance of 15 cm from yours.

An exception to the rule requiring strict observance of the distance zone are cases where a person's spatial zone is determined by his social position. For example, a company manager and one of his subordinates may be fishing companions, and while fishing, they cross both the personal and intimate zone of each other. At work, the manager will keep him at a distance from the social zone, observing the unwritten rules of social stratification.

The crowding of people at concerts, in cinema halls, on escalators, in transport, in elevators leads to the inevitable intrusion of people into each other's intimate zones, and it is interesting to observe people's reaction to these intrusions. There are a number of unwritten rules for the behavior of a Westerner in crowded conditions, for example, in a bus or elevator. These are the rules:

1. You are not allowed to talk to anyone, even acquaintances.

3. The face must be completely impartial - no display of emotion is allowed.

4. If you have a book or newspapers in your hands, you must be completely immersed in reading.

5. The closer in transport, the more restrained your movements should be,

6. In the elevator, you should only look at the floor sign above your head.

You can often hear people driving in public transport to work during peak hours, called miserable, unhappy, depressed. These epithets are usually used due to the fact that these people have expressionless faces, but outside observers are mistaken in their assessments. They simply see how people conscientiously follow the rules of conduct in the face of the inevitable intrusion of outsiders into their intimate zone.

If you have any doubts about this, watch yourself the next time you enter a crowded theater. As soon as you enter the passage leading to your place, surrounded by many unfamiliar faces, notice that you begin, like a programmed robot, to obey the unwritten laws of human behavior in crowded public places. When you start competing with your neighbor for a corner on the arm of an armchair, you will understand why people who come to the cinema without a companion usually do not take their place in the hall until the lights are turned off or the movie starts. Every time we ride in a crowded elevator, sit in a crowded movie theater, or ride on a crowded bus, those around us cease to exist for us, and until we are directly affected, we do not react to them. It seems that by their unconscious encroachment on our intimate territory, people put us in a defensive position.

An angry mob or an aggressive group of people united by a common goal reacts to violations of their territory in a completely different way than individuals. In reality, the following things happen: as the crowd increases and its density increases, the personal space of each individual becomes smaller and he takes a hostile stance, therefore, as the crowd grows, its hostility and aggressiveness increase, and at any moment assault can begin. This is very well known to the police, and they always strive to disperse the crowd so that each person regains his zonal space and calms down.

Only in last years the government and urban planners began to pay attention to the fact that multi-storey housing complexes have bad influence per person, because they deprive him of his personal territory. The negative effects of living in overpopulated areas can be seen in the example of the deer population on James Island, located near the state of Maryland. Deer there began to die out in large numbers, despite the fact that at that time they had enough food, there were no predators and there was no epidemic. Similar phenomena had previously occurred with rats and rabbits. Studies have shown that deer died out as a result of overactive adrenal glands caused by stressful condition animals, created from the fact that, as a result of the growth of the deer population, they were deprived of their personal territory. The adrenal glands play an important role in the body's growth, reproduction, and disease resistance. Thus, it was overpopulation that caused physical reaction on stress, and not factors such as hunger, infection or aggressiveness of other animals. With this in mind, it is easy to understand why areas that have greater density population, have more high level crime.

Police investigators use special methods, built on the violation of the territory of the individual, in order to break the resistance of interrogated criminals. To do this, they seat the offender on a chair without armrests, put a chair in the center of the room and constantly during interrogation penetrate into his intimate and especially intimate zone, remaining in it until he gives an answer. With the help of such methods, the resistance of the criminal is very quickly suppressed.

Administrators can use the same method to get hidden information from a subordinate, but people in sales should not use this tactic when dealing with customers.

Rituals Associated with Occupation of Free Space.

When a person claims a seat or space that is already occupied by other people (for example, a seat in a theater, a seat at a table in a conference room, a towel hook on a tennis court), he acts in a predictable manner. He usually looks for the widest distance between the two present and places himself in the middle. In the theater, he chooses a seat that is in the middle between the last chair and the person sitting in this row. On the tennis court, he chooses the towel hook that is in the largest free space, halfway between two hanging towels, or halfway between the nearest towel and the end of the hanger. This is done with the aim not to offend others present either by excessive proximity to them, or by excessive distance from them.

If in the theater you choose a seat not in the middle between the seated and the last chair, but closer to the edge, then he may be offended that you sat too far from him, or embarrassed if you sit too close to him. Therefore, the main purpose of this ritual is to maintain harmony.

An exception to this rule is the occupation of a free cubicle in the toilet. It has been proven that 90% of people choose the outer booths, and only if they are busy, take the booths in the middle.

Zonal Spaces of Different Nations.

The young couple, who had just emigrated to Chicago from Denmark, were invited to the local Jayce club. A few weeks after they were accepted into the club, the women began to complain that they felt uncomfortable in the company of this Dane, because he "sticks" to them. The men of this club felt that supposedly the Dane non-verbal behavior hinted that she was sexually available to them.

This situation confirms the fact that in many European nations the intimate zone is only 23-25 ​​cm, and in some it is even less. The Danes felt confident and at ease, being at a distance of 25 cm from the American, unaware that they were invading his intimate zone, which is 18 inches. The Danes also use the contact gaze more often than the Americans, which has given rise to misjudgments of their behaviour.

Moving into the intimate territory of a person of the opposite sex is a way of expressing his interest in this person and is called flirting. If the flirtation is not accepted, the person will back off and keep their distance. If courtship is accepted, the person allows

Fig.9. Acceptable distance for conversation between city dwellers.

"violator" to stay inside his intimate zone. What was normal for the Danes public behavior, was interpreted by the Americans as their sexual flirtation. The Danes, on the other hand, thought that the Americans were cold and unfriendly because they moved away from the comfortable zone for them to communicate.

Recently at a conference, I noticed that when two Americans met and talked, they stood at a distance of 90 cm from each other and maintained this distance throughout the conversation. When the Japanese and the American were talking, they slowly began to move around the room. The American constantly moved away from the Japanese, and the Japanese gradually advanced, approaching him. Thus, each of them tried to adapt to the familiar and convenient space for him to communicate. Japanese man, whose intimate

Fig.10. The negative reaction of a woman whose territory is invaded by a man. She leans back, trying to set the right distance. However, the trouble is that a man may turn out to be a rural resident with a small amount of personal space, he tries to get closer to a distance that suits him more. A woman may perceive this movement as a sexual gesture.

the zone is 25 cm, constantly took a step forward to narrow the space. At the same time, he invaded the intimate zone of the American, forcing him to take a step back in order to expand his zonal space. The video of this episode, played at high speed, will give the impression that both of them are dancing around the conference room, and the Japanese is leading his partner. It becomes clear why Asians and Americans look at each other with some suspicion in business negotiations. Americans think that Asians are "familiar" and overly "pressive", while Asians think that Americans are "cold and too formal".

Ignorance of cultural differences in the intimate areas of different people can easily lead to misunderstandings and misjudgments about the behavior and culture of others.

The difference between the Spatial Zones of Citizens and Rural Residents.

As mentioned above, the amount of personal space required for habitation depends on the population density of people in terms of

Fig.11. Two city dwellers shake hands.

Fig.12. Two people from a small town.

the place where people grew up. Those raised in sparsely populated rural areas need more personal space than those raised in densely populated areas. capital cities. By the way a person holds out his hand for a handshake, you can judge whether he lives in major city or in remote rural areas. For urban residents, their personal "air shell" is 46 cm, and it is by this many centimeters that the hand extends from the body when shaking hands (Fig. 11).

In this case, the hands of the interlocutors meet on neutral territory. People who grew up in a district city where the population density is low may have " air shell"up to 1.2 meters in a radius or more, and it is at this distance that the hand is located from the body when the villagers shake hands (Fig. 12).

The villagers will usually stand firmly on the ground and lean towards your handshake, while the city dweller will take a step forward when shaking hands. People who grew up in remote or sparsely populated rural areas usually have very large personal space needs, up to 9 meters. These people prefer not to shake hands, but rather to wave to each other at a distance (Fig. 13).

City salesmen believe that knowledge of these features is of great importance for the success of sales operations with farmers in sparsely populated rural areas. Given that such a farmer has an "air shell" from 92 cm to 1.8 meters or more, shaking hands with him will be regarded as a territorial violation, to which the farmer will react negatively and will take up a defensive position. Successful salespeople almost unanimously state that the most favorable conditions for negotiations on the purchase and sale are added when they greet a resident of a small rural town with a wide handshake, and a farmer from the outback with a wave of his hand.

Fig.13. People from sparsely populated areas.

Territory and Property.

A person regards his property or the area he regularly uses as his personal territory, like personal airspace, and is ready to fight to protect it. Things like your own home, office, and car represent a territory that has clearly defined boundaries in the form of walls, gates, fences, and doors. Each territory can; have multiple sub-territories. For example, a woman has her own private areas in the house, such as the kitchen or laundry room, where she forbids anyone to enter while she is working there. The businessman has a favorite seat at the negotiating table, the patrons have their favorite seat in the cafeteria, and the head of the household has his favorite chair in the house. These places are usually marked by the fact that the owner leaves his things there, or by the fact that he constantly sits only in his place. A cafeteria visitor may even go so far as to carve his initials with a knife in "his" place at the table, and a businessman will mark his territory at the table by placing his ashtray on it, putting a pen, book or napkin that takes up the distance of his intimate zone in 46 cm. Dr. Desmond Morris, observing the seats in the reading room of the library, found that if you leave a book or personal item on the table in the reading room, it will save you space for an average of 77 minutes, and if you hang your jacket on the back of a chair, The place is saved for 2 hours. Family members at home can mark their favorite spot with their personal item such as a pipe or magazine by placing it on or near the spot to claim ownership of the space.

If the head of the family invites the salesman to sit down, and he quite unintentionally sits in "his" chair, the prospective buyer may involuntarily feel dissatisfied with the intrusion into his territory and then become uncooperative when negotiating. To avoid negative consequences from such a mistake, ask the owner where "his" chair is.

Cars and Their Influence on the Feeling of the Territory.

Psychologists have noticed that people behind the wheel react in a completely different way to factors related to their territory, and this reaction is different from their usual social behavior. It seems that the machine has a magical effect on the size of a person's personal zone. In some cases, the size of their territories can increase 10 times, because the driver feels that he can claim distances of 3.7 to 4.6 meters in front of his car and behind it. When another driver jumps in front of him, he (even if it did not bring him any harm) can experience a series of physiological changes in the body, such as rage, up to the desire to attack the other driver. Now imagine a situation where the same person wants to enter the elevator, and someone is ahead of him, thereby invading his personal territory. He will respond to these circumstances with an apology and let the other person go first. His style of behavior is significantly different from the situation when the driver crossed his path on the highway.

For other people, the car becomes a protective cocoon in which they can hide from the outside world. And when they drive slowly along the curb, they can be just as much of a nuisance on the road as a driver with extended personal territory.

In conclusion, other people will welcome you or avoid you, depending on how respectful you are of their personal space zone. Therefore, a kind of shirt-guy who pats everyone on the shoulder or constantly touches others during a conversation is internally unpleasant to others. Before making a judgment about a person who maintains a certain distance in a relationship with you, it would be reasonable to analyze all the factors that influence the definition of the distance of communication.

Figure 10 depicts a woman's reaction to a man's intrusion into her territory. She leans back, trying to regain a comfortable distance for her. But the point may be that this man simply has a narrower personal zone and steps on a woman in order to maintain a comfortable distance for himself. A woman can interpret this gesture as a sexual intention.

Looking at Figure 14, one of the following assumptions can be made:

1. Both are city dwellers and the man has sexual intentions for this woman.

Fig.14. Who is who and where?

2. The intimate zone of a man is significantly narrower than that of a woman, and he unknowingly violates her zone.

3. The woman grew up in the countryside, and the man belongs to a nation that has a narrow intimate zone.

A few questions and further observation of them will help to draw the right conclusion and avoid mistakes.

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