Throughout its conscious life each person makes many decisions. Every day he faces a choice of how to act correctly in any situation, what to buy in a store, where to go to study or work, what to wear to a responsible or not so important event, how to distribute his finances. Decision making is often accompanied by stress, which is known to negatively affect our psyche. How to make a decision to reduce Negative consequences to the minimum?

"Debriefing" on the simplest example

The longer we linger, not knowing how to take the right decision, the more negative emotions we experience, the faster we lose the ability to correctly and quickly choose the right option.

It's good, of course, to think about the past and analyze your already actions taken. But when, say, we occupy our thoughts for a week with only one issue that is related to making a decision, this is no longer good, but harmful. The more we think, the more solutions pop up in our heads. If each of these options is not bad, we cease to perceive the task adequately, because we are in a suspended state that does not allow us to look at things soberly. There is no right decision here.

Psychologists have developed a set of rules that will make it easier to make a decision, regardless of the nature of the issue. Whether you are thinking about what to wear to a party or deciding whether to continue dating a man or better break up with him - in any case, take into account these rules.

to the title to the title

Do not rely only on yourself

Taking difficult decision discuss it with loved ones. There is a high chance that you will receive from them useful advice. This is first. Secondly, a problem that has been voiced several times ceases to be a problem, but takes on a clear outline of a situation from which there are at least two ways out. But we want to warn you: do not cross the line and do not ask for advice from everyone around you. Trust only those closest to you. After all, everyone can advise, but there will be no sense in this - an abundance of advice, especially from strangers who are unfamiliar with your situation, will simply confuse you.

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Do not decide from a moment of emotional stress

Postpone making any decision until the time when you are no longer overwhelmed with emotions and feelings. They are not in the best way affect the correctness of the decision. If you take it at the moment emotional tension the consequences may be undesirable. Wait until everything boils inside you, take a sober look at the situation and try to accept the right decision.

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think about it tomorrow

Remember how the unforgettable Scarlett O'Hara from the novel "Gone with the Wind" said? Right: "I'll think about it tomorrow." And it is not for nothing that people say that the morning is wiser than the evening. Psychologists are sure: our subconscious mind knows the answers to all questions. During the day, the brain is overloaded with information, it cannot decipher the signals sent by the subconscious. So don't take important decision afternoon or evening. It is better to ask yourself a question that worries you before going to bed, it is quite possible that in the morning you will already know what to do. In such a case, it is recommended to put a sheet of paper and a pen or a voice recorder on the bedside table near the bed. The solution to the problem may come to you even when you are half asleep, and it will need to be fixed so as not to forget.

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No matter how much sensible advice you are given, remember that you must make the decision yourself. After all, this is your life, you should not trust even very close people to manage it. After all, each person, regarding the situation, proceeds from his own considerations. What suits this person may not suit you. Consider opinions from the outside, but without fanaticism.

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Listen to your heart and trust your intuition

Remember the joke when inner voice said to an avid gambler who put his entire fortune on the line: “God, how wrong I was!”. The inner voice is often wrong, so you need to trust either your body or your intuition (everyone is different). One man, signing an important contract, felt an unpleasant tingling in his chest. The contract, as it turned out later, was unprofitable. Another felt a headache, the third - a slight dizziness. All these are the signals that the body sends us, and this is his request to delay the decision. In this case, we call intuition not an inner voice that can make mistakes, but hints from outside world- unique signs. Phrases dropped by someone in our presence, posters, objects, signs, and so on. Often the world around us contributes to our thoughts being concentrated in the right direction. The main thing is to notice the signs sent by fate.

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Do not repeat steps

Many people, when making decisions, are guided by analogies: this, they say, has already happened before, it was necessary to do this and that, and that’s what we’ll do now. Of course, experience is good, and it also needs to be connected when making an important decision. But do not forget that life is not a swamp, but a river, which, as you know, cannot be entered twice. try to find new way problem solving.

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Consider and plan for the future

There are decisions that affect our future. And there are those who can radically change our life path. These are very important decisions, making which you need to consider all possible options. So, a change of residence may make you lonely, and leaving work will make it impossible career development.

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Positive thoughts help

Books by popular psychology, Related positive thinking are of great interest to readers. If you have heard about the methods of N. Pravdina, A. Sviyash, V. Levy, N. Kozlov, then you know that any of our desires materialize and come true. Dreams turn into reality. Therefore, when making a decision, it is better to present a positive picture of fulfilled desires. This helps not only to make the right decision, but also not to go astray. Difficulty breaking up with married man? Do not think about loneliness, but imagine yourself free and dream of meeting with big love. Can't eat after six? Imagine how your figure becomes perfect. Afraid to leave the underpaid and unloved work? Save money as a financial cushion and look for a new activity. Imagine how happy you will be in doing what you love.

Our whole life is woven from the many decisions that we make every minute. It happens every second, and even unconsciously. At some moments we think about how to make a decision, at other times a decision is required only to perform some of the actions we are used to. But one way or another, in order to start doing something, you must first make a decision.

Do you know what is great multitude things, and even life-changing things, that can be achieved by thinking about it for just one minute. Just 60 seconds of our time.

1 minute is a lot or a little?

Perhaps some of you will now smile and think to yourself that this does not happen. And that serious and business people must weigh all the pros and cons… Yes, I agree with this, although this is already happening after you have made the decision to act in this direction.

Let's say you've been thinking about changing jobs for a month. So, sometimes, after gossip with colleagues or meeting with a successful classmate who, in the same time as you, has achieved much more in his life. But then, this vague desire, under the onslaught of everyday and daily routine, completely disappears from your field of vision. And in again Someday it will appear timidly and just as strangely disappear.

And just need to be distracted at such a moment from all other things, concentrate, ask yourself some serious questions and decide now and here: how much I want to leave this job. Especially doubters can draw on a piece of paper or in their imagination the well-known “pluses and minuses” (pluses are why I like and are satisfied with all this, minuses are all that is why I cannot continue to work here), determine what is more and quickly make a decision.

Yes, I know, I know. Now say that you will hurry, you will make people laugh. Yes, it happens. But you must clearly understand that almost any decision can be made in a minute. Almost any. It is clear that not all. Here, too, the mind must be included.

Well, here is such a non-trivial desire, how to become a millionaire, you see, can be accepted in a minute? No, I hear it in the comments ... I bet you, you can read about this in a very exciting and interesting book Mark Victor Hansen and Robert Allen "Millionaire in a Minute". A book about business, I think many will be interested in reading it. The authors assure that the decision to become a millionaire can be made in just a minute. Everything that follows is no longer relevant to the decision. Do you agree?

And in our rather common example of the desire to change jobs, there simply wasn’t that minute of time to stop for a minute and make the right decision. You know, I had those too. life situations when the decision matured for a long time, but I did not dare because of more Pluses to make the decision that I needed. Until the moment when the minuses became more. Most likely, this is normal, but it is quite possible that if I had acted faster, I would not have missed so many opportunities.

The secret of successful people

Do you know the secret successful people, and why are they much more effective in their lives than many of us? They just get more done in the same amount of time. And not just manage to do more, but manage to do more MAIN things. Here's a simple secret. If you agree with yourself, and every day do one main thing more than in the previous one, I assure you that our personal effectiveness will increase many times over in a short time.

This means that the next day we will have to spend more than one minute making a decision, but two whole, since we should also have not one, but two tasks. It is clear that no one forces us to bring it to infinity, yet all our affairs must first of all be brought to a logical result. But if it is reasonable to approach this moment, then the main things will appear regardless of our participation with enviable regularity.

Most importantly: how to make a decision

And here I will give some more interesting considerations on how to make a choice.

heads or tails

You are walking along the seashore and notice a bizarre bottle half sticking out of the sand.
You pick it up and open it.
A light mist comes out of the bottle, which turns into a fabulous genie.
Unlike other genies, this one does not offer to fulfill your three wishes.
He gives you the right to choose.
Option one:
You will receive five additional years life, provided that the life of another person, chosen at random, is reduced by five years.
Do you want to prolong your life on such terms?
Option two:
You can get twenty thousand dollars if you agree to get a tattoo the size of a dollar bill.
Will you take this money?
If so, where will you tattoo and what pattern will you choose?
Option three:
When you wake up tomorrow morning, you will be able to acquire a new quality or skill.
What will you choose?

Good test. And how many similar alternatives appear in our lives when you can’t decide what to do in this situation. Experts advise developing your own system for evaluating options, which is based on many factors: logic, reason, practical experience, emotions, feelings.

How actively we participate at the moment of decision-making depends on the level of our intellectual form. That is why it is so important to learn how to choose correctly. No wonder they say: "You are what you choose." By the way, this statement belongs to management consultant John Arnold. apt statement very quickly became an aphorism.

What needs to be done to make a decision?

Let's stop for a moment and learn the most important thing that will help us learn how to make the right decision:

1. This common truths, my friends. I'm sure you all know this. In fact, you know all this, just don't apply it. The problem is just what needs to be done. And if you do unusual things, then this means that you need to get out of your comfort zone. Now this is uncomfortable. Truth? That's why We start and get out of our comfort zone.

If you don't know where you're going, it doesn't matter which path you take.
Brothers Karamazov, outstanding jugglers

3. We determine the parameters to which our goals must be aligned. This is not difficult. We ask ourselves three important questions.

What do I want to receive?

What do I want to avoid?

4. Looking for an alternative solution. We try to make our requirements, obtained by answering the questions listed above, generate alternative solutions themselves.

5. Evaluate and validate the chosen solution. Mathematics is king here. We will have to compare according to criteria, parameters, technical specifications, degree of risk, size of resources, etc.

Quick decisions are wrong.
Sophocles, poet and playwright

He who thinks too much does little.
Johann Friedrich Schiller, poet and playwright

6. Introducing the consequences the decision we made. Most interesting point, in my opinion. It already depends on the power of our imagination. In no case at this stage do you need to consult with relatives, friends and neighbors. For them, you must always remain as you are. They will advise you...

7. Required we feel ourselves and our own intuition. We must try to choose correct option and make the right decision, that is, what we feel is right.

8. We make a decision and we are not afraid of what we have done incorrect choice. We also need mistakes, though not in in large numbers. Mistakes are the experience that will later allow us to evaluate the decision made more quickly.

9. Once you have made a decision, you need to understand that will have to act in accordance with it.

I hear your indignant remarks: And all this can be done in a minute? Well, at first, it may not be possible to be in time for a minute, but over time, the action of our thought process will be brought to automatism, and it will become much easier to make decisions than it is now. And then, no one bothers you to develop own methodology decision-making, I hope that you will definitely share it with us.

Make a decision in 1 minute

A lot can be done in one minute. You can just dream or regret. You can say "I'm quitting", you can say something important or let something important happen, thanks to your silence. You can decide who you want to live with, what you want to do, whether you like doing it. In one minute, you can determine your most important desire, and understand why it is worth living. In one minute you can read this article and find out how to make a decision.

Find those things, those tasks, those tasks to start with, that you can decide on in just 60 seconds. Just one minute of our time. Appreciate the time and do not do it in such a way that later you will regret the missed opportunities. Let's act faster!

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Many decisions in our lives have uncertain outcomes. What to buy: a bike or a gym membership? Once you buy a bike, you can ride whenever and wherever you want. By purchasing a subscription, you can exercise on simulators and swim in the pool. Everything seems to be clear, but why is it so difficult and sometimes even painful to make a decision?

The fact is that when we make a decision, for example, with two options, then on the one hand we gain something, on the other - we lose. Having bought a bicycle, we will not be able to go to the pool and to the simulators. And after purchasing a subscription, we lose the opportunity to ride a bike with friends in the evenings and get a lot of pleasure associated with it.

Therefore, even when we make the right, as it seems to us, decision, we experience pain. But in many cases the problem is contrived. For example, the flour of the morning choice - tea or coffee - is sucked from the finger. Both options are good. You can drink tea, forget about coffee and get maximum pleasure. For some, this is obvious, while the other will experience doubts and spend mental energy on a choice where it is not necessary to make it. So, why is it sometimes not important what decision to make? Because it does not affect the quality of life and is unlikely to negatively affect the future. If you drink tea this morning instead of coffee, it doesn't matter ( possible harm leave the coffee aside).

Therefore, the first thing to ask yourself is: is it really something important, or can you choose one option at random and not worry? Many successful businessmen, who make dozens of decisions a day, are aware of this, so they try to relieve themselves of the burden of everyday worries. They wear the same clothes and eat the same breakfast in the morning. An ordinary person, on the other hand, brings himself to stress already at the beginning of the day, because for him clothes and breakfast have great value. But actually it is not. Stop worrying about nonsense.

What really matters are the important decisions:

• Where to go to study?
• Which company do you want to work for?
• What product to start producing and what to refuse?
• Is it necessary to learn Chinese?
• What house to buy?
• What skills to develop?

The implications of these decisions are important. They allow you to lose or earn money, spoil or improve relationships with loved ones, lead to growth or degradation.

Find out which questions are important to you and which are not. And then read on.

Decision making process

1. Definition of a problem, challenge, or opportunity. Problem: which dentist to go to treat teeth. Opportunity: what will be more important in five years - knowledge of English or Chinese?
2. Creating an array options. You can find several dental clinics on the Internet, and then ask your friends.
3. Estimating the costs and benefits associated with each option. On the one hand, even treatment in an inexpensive clinic costs a pretty penny, on the other hand, you still need to be treated, because then you will be forced to pay ten times more.
4. Choice of solution.
5. Implementation of the chosen solution.
6. Evaluate the impact of the decision and change it if necessary.

You may not go through all six stages in every instance of your life, and not always in sequence. But even so, there should not be many difficulties in making decisions, because there are step by step algorithm. Although life is usually not so simple. So what's the difficulty then?

Why is it so hard to make a decision sometimes?

Some of your decisions are so simple that you make them without thinking. But complex or ambiguous require more attention. These include:

• Uncertainty: many facts and variables may be unknown.
• Complexity: many interrelated factors.
• High Risk Consequences: the impact of the decision on your fate and the fate of other people can be significant.
• Alternatives: different alternatives may arise, each with its own set of advantages, uncertainties and consequences.
• Interpersonal problems: You need to predict how other people will react to your decision.

All this flashes through your head in a second, so you don’t even have time to understand why this viscous appeared inner feeling. One thing is clear: the more complex the decision, the more time you need to allocate for reflection.

How to learn to make decisions

Before moving on to specific problematic issues, it is necessary to develop general mechanism making informed decisions. It consists of three parts:

1. What you focus on. What you think about shapes you as a person and changes you. Many people focus every day on things they cannot control. You can make decisions based on what you have, what you can influence.
2. Make a decision not to focus on what doesn't work. Sounds weird, but that's what most people do. We are so accustomed to cast doubt on everything that we do not notice how instead of working solutions, we first of all sort out non-working ones.
3. Assess situations. Life is changing every day, you are changing, the people around you and situations in general. Some problems may not be problems at all.

But this is all theory. AT real life we think in specific categories and are often limited in choice by many factors. Here are some practical requirements to a process of reflection that will allow any situation to be considered more carefully and soberly.

Make a decision quickly

Yes, in this case it may not be the best. However, even bad decision better than deliberation that drags on for days, months, or years. During this time, people psychologically put up with the fact that no decision will be made.

Successful, great people often make decisions quickly. They know that doubts and fears can ruin even the greatest undertakings. They change and adjust their plans as they go, learning along the way.

If you hate your job, why not make the decision right now to change it? Not to change, namely to make a decision. This means that you start looking for another job, improve your skills and prepare the ground. But you make the decision now, there is no need to delay.

Often we think along the following chain: information gathering - analysis - evaluation - information gathering - analysis - evaluation. And so on ad infinitum. Make a decision (you already know that you need to change the hated job) right now and only after that look for information that will help in the process of implementing your plan.

The more you wait, the more you will suffer. To be tormented by the fact that you perfectly understand the importance of making a decision, but do not accept it in any way.

Find a decision criterion

Should I take it? In many cases, everything is too obvious, in some - not. What are your criteria? For example:

• What is good for me.
• What is good for my loved ones.
• What will bring money.
• That will bring experience and knowledge.

Gather information after making a quick decision

Again: do not confuse and swap the first and third points. If you need to study, make a decision here and now, and only then start collecting information, looking for books, self-study books, enrolling in courses (all this can be done a minute later).

When the decision is made and the goal is set, collect all the necessary information, having previously put forward a condition for yourself: I will do the following important step in this direction after a certain amount of time. For example, you decide to study English language in the morning, gave yourself four hours to search for the entire necessary information, and at six o'clock in the evening they decided to call several English schools and choose the best one for themselves in terms of class time, distance, etc.

Analyze past decisions

It is important to understand two things:

• Why have you made good decisions in the past?
• Why have you made bad decisions in the past?

What happened then? What principles did you follow? Perhaps when you make decisions quickly and intuitively, they turn out to be the best in your life. Then do the same in the future.

Create a spreadsheet

It's very simple, visual and effective: all your choices on one screen with their ratings, pluses and minuses. This allows you to dive into the details or look at the big picture - depending on the goal.

Tony Robbins Method

Potential flaws in decision making can be avoided when you have a system in place to help break down options and anticipate possible outcomes. weak spots. It's called OOC/EMR. This is the decision method from Tony Robbins. He applies four rules to the very process of its development.

Rule one: all important or difficult decisions should be made on paper.

Don't do it in your head. This is how you end up getting hung up on the same things without reaching any resolution. The revolving of thoughts creates pressure and leads to stress.

Remember yourself when last time It took a long time to make an important decision. Or rather, they did not want to accept it. Months and even years passed, and the matter did not move from dead center. If you took a pen and paper, the decision could be made in one hour.

Rule Two: Be absolutely clear about what you need, why you want it, and how you'll know you've achieved it.

You must clearly understand what you want, what is the goal. Even if it is absolutely clear what you want, you may forget the reasons why you want it. WHY is what will make you follow your decision. This is where it appears.

Get as much as possible specific information about what you want, why you need it, and how you will know when you get what you need.

Rule Three: Decisions are based on probability.

Don't expect complete and absolute certainty. In most cases, you will never get it. So, you have to give it to yourself.

No one can clearly say what the consequences of the decision will be. Yes, you need to collect information and analyze it, but no one can give a 100% guarantee.

Rule Four: Decision making is refinement.

In most cases, there may be multiple results. Find out what solution will bring the most benefit in all areas of your life. Sometimes benefits appear where you could not even think.

So we got to the decision-making process. Robbins calls it the fancy acronym OOS/EMR. It consists of the following steps:

1. Results.
2. Choice options.
3. Effects.
4. Evaluation of options.
5. Damage reduction.
6. Solution.

Let's consider each step separately.

results

Tony Robbins starts by defining the results he wants to achieve. He asks the following questions:

• What will be the results?
• What exactly do I want to achieve?

This helps to create clarity about the results as well as to prioritize them. After all, there can be a lot of them, and they can carry completely different benefits.

Robbins: "Think first, then answer."

Choices

He writes down all options, even those that may seem strange. Why? Tony says that there is a principle here: “One option is not a choice. The two options are a dilemma. Three options - a choice.

It doesn't matter if you like any of these options, just write them down.

Effects

Robbins tries to figure out the consequences of each of the options he came up with, asking each of them the following questions:

• What are the advantages and disadvantages of each option?
• What will I get from each option?
• What will it cost me?

Options evaluation

For each option or choice, Tony Robbins asks the following questions:

• What results are affected? (this is what we discussed in the first paragraph)
• How critical are the disadvantages and how important are the advantages on a scale of 1 to 10?
• What is the probability from 0 to 100% that a negative or positive consequence will arise?
• What emotional benefit or consequence would result if I chose this option?

Robbins uses this step to eliminate certain options from the list.

Damage reduction

He then considers the consequences of the shortcomings of each of the remaining options. For every Tony Robbins spends brainstorming alternative ways eliminate or reduce damage.

You can lean towards one option, but still know that there are downsides to it. That's what this stage is for: think about how to reduce their impact.

Solution

Robbins chooses the option that provides the most confidence in achieving the desired outcomes and needs based on the most likely outcomes.

He offers next steps at this stage:

1. Choose the best option.
2. Complete it to make sure it works.
3. Decide for yourself that regardless of whether the option works 100% or not, it will lead to victory (this way you can stop tormented by thoughts that choosing one option, we lose another).
4. Develop a plan for implementation.
5. Take action.

Books

You are unlikely to learn how to make decisions by learning a couple of methods. This is a process that takes years. Next books help speed it up.

• "Problem Solving by Secret Service Methods" by Morgan Jones.
• "Refraction. The Science of Seeing Differently" Bo Lotto.
• "Guide to Lies. Critical thinking in the Post-Truth Age by Daniel Levitin.
• “How not to make mistakes. Strength mathematical thinking» Jordan Ellenberg.
• Why are we wrong. Thinking Traps in Action by Joseph Hallinan.
• “Traps of thinking. How to Make Decisions You Won't Regret by Chip Heath and Dan Heath.
• "Territory of delusions. What mistakes are made smart people» Rolf Dobelli.
• “Proactive thinking. How simple questions can dramatically change your work and life.” John Miller.
• "Mental traps at work" Mark Goulston.

This article sheds light on only part of the complex process like decision making. You can learn more about it on our free course « ».

We make decisions all the time. Sometimes more than a hundred of them can accumulate in a day, and all of them will have certain consequences. This means only one thing: the quality of decisions determines the quality of our lives. When you achieve mastery in this matter, you will achieve success in many areas. We wish you good luck!

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There is only one person who is able to lead fate - you yourself. It is foolish to sit in anticipation of the impossible, one must achieve success, act, be decisive, show fortitude. It happens that circumstances are against us, what to do? The answer is simple:

1. do not despair;
2. never give up;
3. set goals for yourself;
4. fight for your happiness no matter what.

Agree, every person at least once suffered from depression, stress, misunderstanding or betrayal, he wanted peace, quick decision Problems. Alas, we must perceive the realities as they are. Until there is determination, there is nowhere to take results.

You can get rid of any obstacle and it is necessary to do it with enthusiasm, understanding that obstacles change thinking, make us stronger, wiser, more demanding.

To every trouble in life one should seek individual approach, which depends on many factors: goals, values, priorities, etc.

Sometimes it seems that there is no way out, making the right decision is an impossible task. But Life is going take its course, and it's much better to be an active participant than to just sit and suffer constantly, and then get angry at yourself because of missed opportunities. Difficulties make it possible to enjoy joys, victories, accept defeats, adapt to changes.

So how do you make the right decision and not regret anything? This is what will be discussed in the article.

The main thing is motivation

Change not for others, do not prove anything to anyone, just be conscious of the opportunity to motivate yourself correctly. Understand why it is needed, what are the ways to implement the plan, then even a difficult decision will be easier.

The most stubborn and responsible one who really wants to achieve results understands that he simply has no right to give up.

In fact, motive is an impetus to action. If arguments can be made, then this can no longer be attributed to spontaneity and thoughtlessness, which means that there is no risk of harm.

It is important to analyze own thoughts if in doubt, think carefully, take your time.

Let's set an example

If a girl is overweight and dreams of a perfect figure, then it is reasonable to take an example from athletes. You can seek advice from a nutritionist, and not starve yourself in a panic, ruin your health.

Motivation is great, but it must be real, help in making difficult decisions rather than create new trouble.

trust your intuition

As a rule, it is better not to make an important decision in a hurry, you need to think, weigh all the pros and cons, but if you need to decide quickly, do as you originally intended.

Usually the subconscious tells us the correct option. What comes to mind first, often works with a bang.

The more we think, the more questions and doubts appear.

1. Never bring yourself to nervous exhaustion.
2. Don't suffer.
3. Learn not to delay solving a problem.
4. Act harmoniously, perceive what is happening without panic.

Before trusting your intuition, think about whether you or someone you know has been in such a situation before, is it possible to predict the outcome, is there enough experience and knowledge to independently determine the difficulties that have arisen?

Use Descartes' Square

There is a simple scheme proposed by Rene Descartes that will simplify the task of making the right decisions.

For example, we think about changing jobs, but we are afraid that we will screw up. Let's plunge into reality and determine how adequate thoughts visit our heads.

• It is correct not to dwell on one of the parties, but to analyze the act with its possible consequences.

It is best to work with a square in writing. Detailed written answers will push you to the right decision without a doubt.

• What does a Descartes square look like:

For all four questions, it is worth giving extensive statements that will help you stay in the same job or quit, break up or continue the relationship with the person. We need to find arguments in order to convince ourselves, to understand how strong values, goals, desires, priorities are.

There is always at least one person who is involved in our lives and is ready to help.

From the outside, a friend can consider the same situation, only calmer, reason more sensibly. It is easier for everyone when it concerns us indirectly.

If there is no such person, imagine that they came to you for help with such a problem, then you will be able to show calmness and a cold mind.

Decide on your priorities

When it comes to something serious, you should forget about the opinion of the masses, inheritance, collective intelligence.

1. You cannot be negligent, lack of independence, manage your life without the help of outsiders, show your ideas, and do not chase what is in trend.
2. Don't let people impose anything on you. Everyone is different by nature, each has its own purpose.

Based on the character, morality, values, hobbies, field of activity, priorities should be formed. We get what is close to us and makes us rejoice.

The morning is wiser than the evening

For some reason, the brightest thoughts visit at night. Naturally, no cherished insight will happen in the morning, but by delaying the moment a little, you can make a worthwhile decision. It will be rethought several times and with a logical conclusion.

Emotions aside

Accept final decision always on your own. Do not try to push the responsibility away, to protect yourself from the problem instead of trying to solve it. Do not rely on luck or happy coincidence. Take responsibility for everything that happens in life.

Remember: Life position an outsider is a way of existence “as long as no one touches it”.

Emotions are life, but you always have to take over and be able to manage them. In the heat of the moment, you can do such things that you will have to regret for a long time.

To be or not to be - that is the question! Perhaps the words of Hamlet best describe a man who is so insecure. “He knows that he must kill his stepfather, and he hesitates only because the goal he is pursuing unconsciously frightens him,” explains Nifont Dolgopolov, a Gestalt therapist. - He strives for the ideal and is tormented by his own imperfection. And therefore cannot be fully satisfied with any of the solutions.

At that moment, when a person should give an unambiguous answer and is not able to do this, real panic can seize him. “He feels embarrassed, annoyed, embarrassed, feels guilty for dragging out time,” says Nifont Dolgopolov. “These feelings are exacerbated and can develop into irritation and even anger if his companion or companion begins to urge or criticize him.”

Paradoxically, the more he hesitates, the more sure he really is about what to do. But still waiting for someone to make the decision for him. Such an unconscious strategy gives a person the opportunity not to take responsibility for the consequences and for the choices made by others.

"I'm learning to listen to my desires"

Ekaterina, 36 years old, doctor

“When I have to choose black trousers or a red dress in the store, I buy both. For several years now I have been hesitant to leave the hospital to go into private practice. I am not able to connect my life with the man I love, because I cannot answer simple questions: should we live together or not? Have kids or wait? As soon as I have to make a choice, I involuntarily begin to procrastinate, procrastinate, as if waiting for someone to decide for me ...

The situation became so unbearable that I decided to take a course transactional analysis. With my therapist, I am working on learning to listen to my desires, trying not to be guided by the opinions and tastes of my authoritarian mother. My way of healing is to finally give free rein to my inner child, still living in me, who was deprived of the right to vote since childhood.

Fear of error

Those who find it difficult to make their own decisions suffer from self-doubt. They are afraid of making mistakes, because having made a choice in favor of, say, one dish in a restaurant, they have to refuse others that are presented on the menu.

“Self-doubt becomes the main property of a person in the event that with early childhood when making a decision, he is used to relying on the opinions of others - parents, friends or people who are authoritative for him, - explains Nifont Dolgopolov. - Such a tactic of behavior develops in a child if his parents are authoritarian and adhere to a strict parenting style. They constantly evaluate the child, criticize his behavior, his preferences, make decisions for him ... And he gradually ceases to rely on himself.

It is pointless for an indecisive person to give advice, but it is dangerous to make decisions for him, because then he will lay all the responsibility on you. Another mistake is to blame him for inaction: this will strengthen him negative attitude to yourself.

Help him figure out what is preventing him from being more decisive. Make it clear that he only clings to self-doubt because he focuses on hypothetical losses rather than potential gains. It is difficult for a self-doubting person to recognize the consequences of his indecision. Point out to him what can happen if he never learns to make his own decisions.

What to do?

Don't be afraid to take risks

Challenge yourself, others and win - learn to enjoy it. Each decision like every victory over ourselves, strengthens our self-confidence. Use the technique of model behavior: choose for yourself a brave, determined person who, in your opinion, can serve as an example of success and willpower. And every time you make a decision, ask yourself: what would he do in my place?

Change position

You are mistaken when you confidently say about yourself: "I am not able to make this decision." In fact, you are like Molière's Monsieur Jourdain, who did not even suspect that he had been speaking prose all his life until he was told about it. After all, from morning to evening, every day you make a lot of decisions! So change your perspective: be more attentive to the decisions that you yourself made today.