Assertive people know they have rights, but they also recognize that other people have rights too.

Assertiveness is the ability to communicate one's thoughts, opinions, needs, and feelings in a direct, frank, and appropriate manner. It means standing up for your rights without hurting other people's feelings or denying their own rights. When you are assertive, you take complete control of your life.

In relationships with other people, we choose one of three styles of behavior: passive, aggressive and assertive.

Passive style

People with a passive style tend to put other people's priorities and needs ahead of their own. They do not believe that they are worthy to defend their rights and feel inferior.

Passive people find it hard to be assertive, while they own style opens up new horizons for them. They feel (usually subconsciously) that they are weak, incompetent, and therefore hesitant to make any decisions in their lives.

People choose a passive style of behavior when they believe that it is better not to enter into or provoke conflicts, although in reality this strategy rarely works. They are not respected, they are treated with pity. All this in combination leads to a drop in self-esteem, depression, stress and victim syndrome.

Body language of passive people:

• Avoid eye contact.
• Shift from one foot to the other.
• Hump.
• Clamp your body while talking.

Aggressive style

People with an aggressive style of behavior look around for enemies, enter into conflicts and defend their rights in a too harsh manner. Aggression infringes on the rights of other people. They tend to compete with people and prove their worth as individuals every day. They literally knock out respect and attention to themselves from others.

This style of behavior is outdated and does not work even where it flourished - in business. These people are rude, ignorant and have poor communication skills. They are not able to build relationships based on respect, but only on fear.

Body language of aggressive people:

• Point your finger at the interlocutor.
• Shout or raise your voice.
• Clench your fists.
• Lean too far towards the interlocutor and look into his eyes for a long time.

assertive style

Assertive people care about other people's feelings and emotions and are therefore good at criticizing, asking, or even complaining in a delicate manner.

They are flexible, so each situation is considered individually, unlike aggressive people. They are respected and appreciated, they are in complete control of their lives.

Body language of assertive people:

• Stand straight and steady, face to face with the interlocutor.
• Maintain unobtrusive eye contact.
• Speak confidently and clearly - loud enough for everyone to hear their words.
• Speak freely, without hesitation and with confidence in your voice.

To develop an assertive style of behavior in yourself, you need to follow simple tips.

1. Goal setting

Now that you understand the importance of assertiveness, it is important to identify areas of your life that are most important to you in which you can apply new style behavior.

Identify situations that you find most difficult. When do you need to be assertive? State them clearly. For example: “I would like my friend/colleague to be on time for meetings and value my time.”

Start with the simplest goals, then move on to the more difficult ones.

2. Viewing the Bill of Rights

The following list of rights is important to you and to others. The list items are not exhaustive, you can add to it.

• I have the right to judge myself for my thoughts and actions.
• I have the right to refuse to solve other people's problems.
• I have the right to change my mind.
• I have the right to make mistakes.
• I have the right to say "I don't know".
• I have the right to make my own decision.
• I have the right to say "I don't understand".
• I have the right to say no.
• I have the right to be happy or sad.
• I have the right to set my own priorities.

Be careful with this list, because your passive style (if you have one) can easily become aggressive. People love extremes. As we have noticed, there are no advantages in an aggressive style of behavior even in relation to a passive one.

Also remember that all your rights must be expressed in a sensitive manner. For example, if you decide that you have the right to change your mind, then apologize to the person who was given the word to spend the evening with him. Your right to refuse something does not mean that you now become an irresponsible person. And if you decide that you have the right to make mistakes, this does not mean that you should not draw conclusions and not be held responsible for them.

You have the right to say “no” as well, but everything depends entirely on the situation. You should not buy an item in the store if the consultant has spent his time on you, however, in family affairs you have responsibilities to fulfill.

3. Definition of personal rights

Using the list above, write down a statement that conveys your most valuable rights.

Go back to setting your goals and apply your statement. For example:

• Goal 1: __. What are my rights in this situation? Are my rights being violated? If yes, why?
• Goal 2: __. What are my rights in this situation? Are my rights being violated? If yes, why?

Ask the same questions for all your goals.

4. Use of strategies

Assertiveness is a skill that can be developed by putting strategies into practice every day. Here is some of them:

1. broken record. Be persistent and repeat over and over what you want without getting annoyed or raising your voice. Stick to your point of view.
2. Free information. Learn to listen to the interlocutor and read the free information that he gives you. It will allow you to argue, referring to the phrases expressed by the interlocutor.
3. Information disclosure. Assertively disclose information about you - about what you think, feel and how you feel about the information that comes from the interlocutor.
4. Blackout. This technique will help you deal with incoming criticism. Don't deny criticism and don't counterattack.

• Agree with the truth. Find what is true in the criticism and agree with that part.
• Accept that there is a misunderstanding. Reveal possible truth in a critical statement and agree with it.
• agree in principle. Say, "That makes sense."
• Deny false assumptions. Handle inaccuracies and logical errors assertively.
• Work out a compromise.

5. Using Strategies to Say No

There are times in everyone's life when they need to say "no". If you do not learn how to do this, then after some time the realization will come that not a single goal has been achieved, and priorities have been violated. Remember that you have the right to say no, but do so in a gentle and respectful manner.

1. Use assertive body language. Remember that your body language affects your self-confidence and the perception of your confidence by the interlocutor. Manipulators always apply their methods to a person they consider indecisive. Make direct eye contact, keep your head straight, straighten your shoulders, relax your arms, and speak confidently and calmly.
2. Determine your position before you say something. If you don't know what your answer will be, you simply don't have it. Decide what and how you will say.
3. Wait for the request. Some people agree to a request even before it has been voiced. This is very convenient for the interlocutor, because he does not feel an obligation to you - after all, he has not yet asked for anything. You volunteered yourself.
4. Find the exact wording. Think about how and what you say. Be absolutely precise in your answer so that the interlocutor does not have any doubts that you will not be able to fulfill his request. Your wording should not be long and ornate.
5. Don't apologize if it's not necessary. An apology often puts you in the position of a debtor. This example is often used in sales. If you feel like you are being manipulated, don't apologize.
6. Don't get defensive or apologize if it's not necessary.. Do not say why you do not want to fulfill the request, otherwise the interlocutor will have the opportunity to manipulate your words.
7. Don't ask permission to say no. “Do you mind if I refuse your offer” is another phrase that puts you in the position of a debtor.
8. Strengthen your position. Do not think that the person after the refusal will not try to ask you for a favor after some time. Let him know that in the future, refuse the request.
9. broken record. This strategy is ideal for this case as well. Repeat the same phrase over and over without changing the words.
10. Don't wait for approval. You must convince the other person to accept your refusal, otherwise you will again fall into the position of a debtor.
11. Deal with the Consequences. You have the right to say no, and the other person has the right to take your rejection however they wish. Possible backfire, but deal with it, since you've already made up your mind.

6. Developing the ability to ask for a favor

Many people have difficulty when they need to ask another person for something. This can happen both in the workplace and in a cafe. They feel they don't have the right to ask or fear the consequences. As a result, such people do not ask for favors even when there is an opportunity to do so. We offer you tips on how to ask for something correctly:

• What can happen? In many cases, nothing terrible will happen to you if you ask for a favor.
• Is it reasonable? Before asking for a favor or favor, consider whether it makes sense under the circumstances. You can use the list of your assertive rights if you have trouble with this.
• Don't apologize for asking. When you clearly understand that a person has the right to refuse you, you will understand that you have the right to ask.
• Define the situation. Learn to read the mood and emotions of another person.
• Express your emotions about the situation. Concentrate on positive emotions, because in such situations a person is usually negatively minded.
• Use the personal pronoun "I". This makes the request personal and shows that you accept responsibility for the consequences.
• Be short. Limit yourself to one or two phrases.
• Make the request positive. Say what you want, not what you don't want.
• Focus on behavior. What do you want the person to do?
• Describe the results, which you think will follow if the person agrees to fulfill your request.

To develop assertiveness, it is important to learn the art of empathy. Only with such a competent combination will you make great progress in communicating with people. If you have applied our advice and started cultivating these skills, you have to develop the third one - the ability to listen.

Saturday, 25 Aug. 2012

Assertiveness refers to the manifestation of polite perseverance. Assertive behavior refers to positive behavior whole person demonstrating self-respect and respect for others, listening, understanding and trying to reach a working compromise.

- I want to suggest you, - here the woman pulled out several magazines bright and wet from the snow from her bosom, - to take a few magazines in favor of the children of Germany. A fifty piece.

"No, I won't," answered Philipp Philippovich curtly, glancing sideways at the magazines.

Complete astonishment was expressed on the faces, and the woman was covered with a cranberry bloom.

- Why do you refuse?

- I do not want.

- You do not sympathize with the children of Germany?

- Sorry.

- Do you regret fifty dollars?

- Not.

- So why not?

- I do not want.

This is a dialogue from the famous " dog heart» Mikhail Bulgakov. Why did Professor Preobrazhensky suddenly become interested in psychologists? Because he was undoubtedly an intelligent person and knew the basics of assertive behavior.

It would make life easier for many of us, especially when there are so many people around who want to climb on the neck of their neighbor and dangle their legs - be it obsessive shop assistants, lazy work colleagues, neighbors always sticking in their noses, etc. etc. At the same time, it is not at all necessary for any of them to be rude! You can and should bend your line not only hard, but also gracefully - according to all the rules of psychology!

The term "assertiveness" comes from English verb “to assert”- to insist on one's own, to assert, to declare, to leave one's rights. Assertive behavior is understood as the positive behavior of a whole person who respects himself and others, listens, understands and tries to reach a working compromise.

This is a demonstration of polite perseverance, this is the ability of a person to behave confidently and benevolently; defend their rights constructively, showing respect for others; while taking responsibility for their own behavior.

In childhood, we all learned the lesson "how to behave well." For some, this is unquestioning obedience, the fulfillment of all the instructions of their parents, while the other was taught to achieve, go to the goal, not to be offended.

However, at the same time, were our rights respected, were our opinions taken into account? Not many people know how to respect their child. They love, care, take care of, but with respect it is more difficult. Models human behavior surprisingly similar to parent-child relationships. Upbringing - hard labour. Parents try for the good of the child, often teaching him to be passive or aggressive, to learn to manipulate. We have learned the lessons of childhood and continue to act in the usual way.

In any situation, we choose some style of behavior - and in to a large extent the result depends on it.

We can behave passively- that is, do not defend your rights, avoid conflicts, obey the decisions of others and, as a result, lose control over what is happening.

We can behave aggressively- that is, to rush to the problem, as to an embrasure, to demand everything at once, to impose personal opinion, disregard the interests of others, be rude, hostile and unpredictable.

By the way, passive-aggressive behavior is also common. They say about such people “devils are found in still waters”. " Passive aggressors» tend to accumulate resentment and secretly build and implement plans for revenge. Passive aggression can be expressed in refusal to comply with the request, inaction or open sabotage.

Usually people with low self-esteem behave aggressively or passively, and both of these positions are obviously losing.

At manipulation a person acts, covertly, without directly declaring his goal, but at the same time provokes another to commit the act he needs. In a similar way Small child, who feels guilty before his parents for having "not lived up to expectations" becomes sad and unhappy, thereby forcing his parents to curry favor with him.

But there is a third option - assertiveness, « golden mean between aggression and passivity.

Determine your type of behavior.

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR

ESSENCE

You protect your own rights and express your thoughts and feelings directly, honestly and openly in a manner that respects the rights of others.

An assertive person acts without unnecessary worry or guilt. Assertive people respect themselves and others and take responsibility for their actions and choices. They understand their needs and ask openly and directly for what they want.

When they receive a rejection, they may be sad or disappointed, but their self-image is not clouded. They do not rely too much on the approval of other people and feel secure and confident in themselves.

Assertive people show others how they would like to be treated. They are self sufficient.

EXPLICIT BEHAVIOR

That's what I think. That's what I feel. Here's how I assess the situation. What about you? If our needs conflict, I am of course willing to consider the differences, and may be willing to compromise.

HIDDEN THOUGHT

I will not allow you to use me and I will not attack you for being who you are.

GOAL

Communicate clearly and directly, like an adult to an adult.

• Active listening
• Firm, calm voice
• Direct eye contact
• Straight, balanced, open body position
• Voice volume appropriate for the situation
• Usage: "I", "I love, I want...", "I don't want..."
• Phrases of cooperation: “What do you think about this?”
• Underlined statements of interest: "I'd love to..."

BENEFIT

The more you stand up for yourself and act in a manner that you respect, the higher your self-respect. Your chances of getting what you want out of life increase if others understand what you want and that you are standing up for your rights and needs.

If you directly express feelings of indignation, then negative emotions do not accumulate. Not experiencing painful feeling shyness and anxiety and without wasting energy on self-defense, you can see, hear and love more easily.

PAY

Friends may take advantage of your assertiveness and may sabotage your newly acquired assertiveness. You are reformulating your beliefs and re-evaluating the values ​​that have been formed since childhood. This may cause resistance.

BASIC RIGHTS OF AN ASSERTIVE PERSON

The philosophy of behavior is based on the assumption that many people have forgotten, or simply not been told, that we are all equal and have equal rights. The goal of assertiveness is to assert one's rights without violating the rights of others.

• I have the right to express my feelings
• I have the right to express my opinions and beliefs
• I have the right to say "yes" or "no"
• I have the right to change my mind
• I have the right to say "I don't understand"
• I have the right to just be myself and not adapt to other people.
• I have the right not to take responsibility for other people's problems
• I have the right to ask others for something
• I have the right to set my own priorities
• I have the right to be listened to and taken seriously
• I have the right to make mistakes and be comfortable admitting them.
• I have the right to be illogical when making decisions
• I have the right to say "I don't care"
• I have the right to be unhappy or happy

But the types of behavior from which we often try to get rid of but not always succeed!

PASSIVE BEHAVIOR

ESSENCE

You are violating your own rights by not expressing your feelings, thoughts and beliefs, and therefore allowing others to violate your rights.

Passive or non-assertive behavior can also mean expressing thoughts and feelings in such an apologetic and modest manner that others simply don't notice them.

A passive person allows others to stomp on him, like on a rug in the hallway. Non-assertive people think that they are not in control of events, that they are in control and that they do not have the ability to act on their own. They will not let their needs take precedence over the needs of others. They let others make decisions for them, even if they know they will regret it later. They feel helpless and powerless.

EXPLICIT BEHAVIOR

I'm still not considered, so you can use me. My feelings, needs and thoughts are less important than yours.

HIDDEN THOUGHT

Take care of me and telepathically understand my feelings and needs. Will you love/respect me if I am assertive? I must protect you from pain.

SUBCONSCIOUS

Hiding a deep fear behind uncertainty, not meeting the expectations of others.

GOAL

Appease the other and avoid conflict and trouble at all costs.

VERBAL AND NONVERBAL CHARACTERISTICS

• Let events pass by
• Beating around the bush - not talking about yourself, what you really mean
• No place to apologize in a soft, unstable voice
• Be fuzzy, avoid looking directly
• Avoid bodily contact- step back from others, slouch shoulders
• Blink or laugh when expressing anger
• Cover your mouth with your hand
• Use the phrases: "If it's not too difficult for you" and "But still do what you want ..."

BENEFIT

You have been rewarded for your selflessness. If something goes wrong, you, as a passive observer, will not be blamed. Others will protect you and take care of you. You avoid, delay or hide the conflict you fear.

PAY

If, due to a lack of assertiveness, you have allowed the relationship to develop not as you would like, then it is very difficult to change this. You limit yourself by creating in the eyes of others an image of yourself as good, soft person, and no more. You limit yourself in expressing sincere negative emotions (anger, contempt, etc.). You suffer from this, drawing pictures in your imagination at night of your own confidence and sincerity.

AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

ESSENCE

You protect your personal rights and expression of feelings, thoughts in such a way that it becomes unacceptable and violates the rights of another person. Superiority is achieved by humiliating others. When you are threatened, you attack.

Relationships are usually built on negative emotions and unstable. Sooner or later it turns out that you can no longer behave non-aggressively, you hurt people who care about you and suffer from it. Besides, human body cannot live long under stress and begins to falter.

EXPLICIT BEHAVIOR

I don't care what you feel. What is important to you is completely indifferent to me.

HIDDEN THOUGHT

I will "make" you before you do. I'm number one here.

VERBAL AND NONVERBAL CHARACTERISTICS

• Invasion of other people's space
• A shrill, sarcastic, or condescending voice and look
• Parent gestures
• Threats: “Better be careful”, “If you don’t ...”, “Come on ...”, etc.
• Interruptions: "What are you talking about", "Don't be a fool", etc.
• Judging Comments

BENEFIT

Others do what you want. Everything goes the way you want, and you like the feeling of a person who is in control of his own life. You are less vulnerable in an environment characterized by strife, hostility and competition.

SUBCONSCIOUS

Behind aggression is always hidden deep self-doubt.

GOAL

Dominate, win, make the other lose and punish others.

PAY

Aggressive behavior creates enemies that can develop fear and paranoia, making your life difficult. If you control what others do, it takes a lot of effort and energy and does not give you the opportunity to relax.

Relationships are usually built on negative emotions and are unstable. Sooner or later it turns out that you can no longer behave non-aggressively, you hurt people who care about you and suffer from it.

Remember: there is no panacea that guarantees 100% results.

Manuel Smith formulated the rules for assertive behavior in the book "Self-Confidence Training":

1. I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts and emotions and be responsible for their consequences

Manipulative Bias: I shouldn't judge myself and my behavior unceremoniously and independently of others. In fact, in all cases, it is not I who should evaluate and discuss my personality, but someone more wise and authoritative.

2. I have the right not to apologize or explain my behavior.

Manipulative bias: I am responsible for my behavior to other people, it is desirable that I report to them and explain everything that I do, apologize to them for my actions.

3. I have the right to consider for myself whether I am responsible at all or to some extent for solving other people's problems.

Manipulative Bias: I have more commitment to certain institutions and people than to myself. It is advisable to sacrifice my own dignity and adapt.

4. I have the right to change my mind

Manipulative bias: In case I have already expressed some point of view, it is not necessary to change it ever. I should have apologized or admitted that I was wrong. This would mean that I am not competent and unable to decide.

5. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for my mistakes.

Manipulative Bias: I'm not supposed to make mistakes, and if I make a mistake, I should feel guilty. It is desirable that I and my decisions are controlled.

6. I have the right to say: "I don't know"

Manipulative Bias: I wish I could answer any question.

7. I have the right to be independent from the benevolence of others and from their good relationship to me

Manipulative bias: It is desirable that people treat me well, that they love me, I need them.

8. I have the right to make illogical decisions.

Manipulative Bias: It is desirable that I observe the logic, reason, rationality and validity of everything that I do. Only what is logical is reasonable.

9. I have the right to say: “I don’t understand you”

Manipulative Bias: I have to be attentive and sensitive to the needs of others, I have to "read their minds". In case I don't do this, I am a ruthless ignoramus and no one will love me.

10. I have the right to say: "I'm not interested in this"

Manipulative Bias: I must try to be attentive and emotional about everything that happens in the world. I probably won't succeed, but I have to try my best to achieve it. Otherwise, I'm callous, indifferent.

There are various trainings to develop assertive behavior, for example, for salespeople. At the exit, the seller learns what assertive behavior is, will be able to develop a personal attitude towards assertive behavior, realizes his rights and obligations in the context of assertiveness, learns to accept criticism and defend own position without following the client's lead.

But such corporate training has risks, and these risks are associated with the willingness of management to work with employees practicing assertive behavior, with the level of development corporate culture their companies.

Imagine that the same salesperson comes to his superiors and assertively says: “Dear Vladimir Ivanovich, after the training, I realized that I was not satisfied with your management methods, I don’t want to correct your mistakes anymore, and if you want to continue our communication in a positive I propose to start by considering the question of raising my salary.”

ASSERTIVITY - WHAT IS IT?
It is worth starting with a definition. What is it, assertiveness and assertive human behavior.
Translated from English, "to assert" means to insist. The term "assertiveness" refers to the ability of a person to insist on his own and defend his point of view. Skill in complex life situations, to solve problems, do not resort to an aggressive or passive way of solving them.

AT everyday life, we most often encounter two behavioral models: passive and aggressive.
Passive problem solving is a way in which a person plays the role of a victim. This type of people lives according to the principle “I am weak, I need help and support, therefore, you owe me”. These people are not self-confident, if they have their own point of view, they are unlikely to be able to openly state it.

Aggressive way of problem solving- this is a way of a real manipulator, trying in any way to subjugate the people around him. These people always feel their superiority and their life principle, "I am stronger than you, so you owe me."

At aggressive way solving problems, you will be able to defend your needs, while the needs of other people (perhaps not indifferent to you) will be ignored.

At passive way, you will give the right to choose to others, and their interests will be higher than yours, and own feeling dignity, self-respect, again will remain unclaimed.

An alternative, aggressive and passive behavior, is the Assertive behavior model, (you defend your interests, while maintaining the needs of others) "I don't owe you anything, and you don't owe me anything either, WE ARE PARTNERS."
It is important to understand that assertiveness and assertive behavior is not a removal of responsibility for one’s actions and last resort selfishness, just because main principle assertiveness says “I don’t owe you anything, but you owe me” Assertive behavior is positive attitude developing self-confidence, self-respect and respect for others. This is a way of solving the problem that will suit both sides of the conflict.

PRINCIPLES AND RULES OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR:

Don't be afraid to express your feelings;
Stand up for your opinion;
If the situation calls for it, don't be afraid to say "NO";
If your point of view has changed, to the opposite, say so (a person has the right to be wrong);
Do not be afraid to look stupid, admitting that you don’t understand something (we cannot know absolutely everything);
No need to adapt to others, losing your individuality (be yourself);
Do not shift your responsibility to others, but you should not take someone else's responsibility on yourself either;
When you need someone's help, don't be afraid to ask for it.

ASSERTIVE TEST:

1) Can you absolutely sincerely, without internal stress, telling people what you really think and feel, while in no way diminishing the feeling dignity your interlocutor?

2) Is it possible for you to express anger or anger in a way that does not offend others?

3) Can you say firmly "no" if you don't want to do something?
4) If during a heated argument you suddenly realized that you were mistaken, would you be able to admit it?

If you answered “no” to at least one of the four questions, then you should work on improving your assertive behavior.

ASSERTIVITY. EXAMPLES OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR:

Assertiveness and assertive behavior method: "Mr. Calm"
This method is very good for extremely aggressive behavior of your opponent. Try to be consistent and rational, and most importantly, calm. Do not answer the aggressor in the same way, do not allow yourself to be drawn into his game. Your calm appearance and calm intonations of the voice will soon extinguish the excessive aggression of your interlocutor.

Assertiveness and assertive behavior method: "Spoiled record"
There are situations when it is too difficult to defend your point of view, under the onslaught of a too persistent person. No reasonable arguments can make him stop putting pressure on you.
In such a situation, this method is quite effective.
Find one phrase that will become your "broken record", and in any case, do not change it. Repeat it harder and harder each time. In the end, the annoying interlocutor will understand that it is not possible to persuade you to his point of view.
For example: to the request "Give me a loan"
You can answer: “I would be glad, but I have no money” and further to any arguments and attempts to convince you to “loan”, you answer with only one phrase “I would be glad, but I have no money”

Assertiveness and assertive behavior crab method
If you were incorrectly and very rudely made a remark, sometimes it is better to answer evasively, without giving the opportunity to ignite a conflict. For example, to the question: "Couldn't you have noticed such a simple mistake?"
You can answer: “Maybe I made a mistake, but to answer your question, I have to analyze the situation”
And sometimes it’s better to remain silent altogether, giving your opponent a meaningful look.

Assertiveness and assertive behavior: answering the wrong questions correctly.
It happens that the questions that people ask us make us want to answer quite aggressively. Given the tactlessness and irrelevance of the question, aggression would be quite understandable. But, there are other ways to deal with "rudeness".
To begin with, you are not at all obliged to answer the question, just because "one has a very smart person”enough mind, conscience and arrogance, you ask him. Another option is to answer a question with a question.

From all of the above, we can conclude that:
Assertiveness and assertive behavior this is not an innate, but an acquired quality, and with sufficient work on yourself, you can achieve excellent results.

Assertiveness Self-affirmation without boasting or false modesty. Confidently defending one's interests or one's point of view, taking into account the opinions of other people.

Brief explanatory psychological and psychiatric dictionary. Ed. igisheva. 2008 .

ASSERTIVITY

(English) assertiveness) - the ability of a person to defend his rights confidently and with dignity, while not violating the rights of others. Assertive is direct, open behavior that does not aim to harm other people. Various special programs socio-psychological training aimed at developing and strengthening A. Some of them in more follow a behavioral orientation, others are more tradition oriented humanistic psychology , however, all of them, to one degree or another, are guided by the principle of developing a person's ability to be firm, honest and friendly. Not to be confused with assortativity. (I. A. Meshcheryakova.)

Big psychological dictionary. - M.: Prime-EVROZNAK. Ed. B.G. Meshcheryakova, acad. V.P. Zinchenko. 2003 .

assertiveness

   ASSERTIVITY (With. 58) is a term borrowed from of English language, where it is derived from the verb assert - stand up for one's own rights. It is rarely used in everyday speech, but in psychological jargon it has recently become quite firmly established.

As in many similar cases, the word used to define psychological phenomenon, acquired a more definite and specific meaning than in everyday, everyday vocabulary. Assertiveness began to be understood as a certain personality trait, which can be defined as autonomy, independence from external influences and assessments, the ability to independently regulate their own behavior. Thus, it is quite justified to allow a very close analogy with another fashionable concept - self-sufficiency. In fact, the content of these concepts intersect almost completely, and, probably, one could confine oneself to the latter, especially since its meaning is quite clear. However, the term assertiveness(probably due to an inexplicable tendency domestic psychologists instead of mother tongue speak in pidgin English) has become widespread among us, although it has not yet managed to enter into any psychological dictionary.

   assertiveness concept took shape in the late 50's - early 60's. 20th century in writings American psychologist A. Salter and absorbed key points humanistic psychology, which was in vogue at that time - in particular opposition of self-realization to soulless manipulation of people, as well as transactional analysis.

In Salter's theory, assertive behavior is seen as the optimal, most constructive way interpersonal interaction, and perhaps the worldview in general, as opposed to the two most common destructive ways- manipulation and aggression. Traditional mechanisms of socialization unwittingly form a person's vulnerability to all sorts of manipulations by other people. A person is too susceptible to external influences, and others often abuse this, manipulating him for their own selfish purposes. Faced with unacceptable demands, he does not find the strength to contradict them and reluctantly obeys despite his own own desires and settings. And he, on the contrary, often does not even dare to express his own demands and claims. Constantly checking his motives and actions with other people's expectations and assessments, a person is embarrassed by his feelings, afraid to show his true face. Trying to overcome the awkwardness of such a situation, a person himself involuntarily learns manipulative techniques, learns to respond with aggression to aggression or simply to criticism, even if it is fair. If such tactics give an effect, it is only temporary and, by and large, illusory, since it does not enrich, but, on the contrary, impoverishes a person both in terms of interpersonal relationships as well as in terms of mental comfort.

The formation of assertiveness as a personality trait, first of all, requires that a person realize how much his behavior is determined by his own inclinations and motives, and how much - by someone else's attitudes. This procedure is very similar to scenario analysis Eric Berna, that is, in Berne's terminology, requires you to realize by whom and when the main lines of the scenario of your life are written, and also whether this scenario suits you, and if not, then in what direction it should be corrected. It often turns out that a person is in the grip of attitudes that are alien to his true being, and suffers unconsciously from this. He is invited not only to take on leading role in the script own life, but actually rewrite the script and direct the entire production.

In fact, the code of these rights, which are the key provisions of any assertiveness training, is a clip of new, assertive attitudes that are proposed to be learned in place of the former, supposedly unsuitable. These are the magical rights, or rules.

   You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts and emotions and are responsible for their consequences.

You have the right not to give any explanation or rationale to justify your behavior.

You have the right to decide for yourself whether and to what extent you are responsible for the problems of other people.

You have the right to change your views.

You have the right to make mistakes and be held accountable for them.

You have the right to say, "I don't know."

You have the right not to depend on the good will of others.

You are entitled to illogical decisions.

You have the right to say: "I don't understand you."

You have the right to say, "I don't care."

Popular psychological encyclopedia. - M.: Eksmo. S.S. Stepanov. 2005 .

Synonyms:

See what "assertiveness" is in other dictionaries:

assertiveness- noun, number of synonyms: 1 self-confidence (1) ASIS synonym dictionary. V.N. Trishin. 2013 ... Synonym dictionary

ASSERTIVITY - personality trait, which can be defined as autonomy, independence from external influences and assessments, the ability to independently regulate their own behavior Dictionary of business terms. Akademik.ru. 2001 ... Glossary of business terms

assertiveness- This article lacks links to sources of information. Information must be verifiable, otherwise it may be questioned and removed. You can ... Wikipedia

assertiveness- assertiveness, and... Russian spelling dictionary

assertiveness - social quality personality, manifested in an orientation towards compromise and cooperation as the leading strategies for interaction ... Modern educational process: basic concepts and terms

ASSERTIVITY- - self-promotion or promotion of one's will. The author of the methodology is the American scientist A. Salter, who gave A. the following definition: "to be able to insist on one's own, to convince." The development of A. requires training spontaneous reactions, corresponding to the manifestation ... ... encyclopedic Dictionary in psychology and pedagogy

- (assertiveness). Standing up and defending your rights... Psychology of development. Dictionary by book

assertiveness- Self-affirmation without boasting or false modesty. Confidently defending your interests or your point of view, taking into account the opinions of other people ... Dictionary of Gestalt Therapy

Assertiveness or assertive behavior- - behavior and ideas that are based on the desire to defend own interests or the interests of others. Many people are familiar social situations caused by a lack of assertiveness. Situations where a person ... ... Social Work Dictionary

Assertiveness training- T. a. designed by Andrew Salter and popularized by Joseph Wolpe and Arnold Lazarus. TA most often forms one aspect of a broader therapeutic program. Its goals include: a) raising awareness of personal rights; b) distinction ... ... Psychological Encyclopedia

Books

• assertiveness. Speak out. Say no. Set boundaries. Take control, King Patrick. Who makes the decisions in your life for you? Make sure you have the assertiveness to choose what to do and resist pressure from all sides. All ones life…

assertiveness is ability to defend personal boundaries own goals and interests, while maintaining respect for the people around us, let's take a closer look at what assertiveness is. The development of assertiveness helps to achieve a higher level of efficiency in working environment. It should be understood that the definition of assertiveness is different from the concept of aggressiveness.

In conditions career development, constant competition, a person quite often goes on the attack. The reason for this may be different types behavior or lack of skills and experience. Several recommendations, which are described in this article, will allow you to develop assertiveness, while not resorting to violent forms in relation to other people.

Lack of internal aggression

If aggression lurks inside a person, then at the first opportunity it will definitely manifest itself. For example, someone else violates your personal boundaries, a symmetrical response to such behavior is still the same aggression. In this case, the fact of the attack may return again, then the person unconsciously takes a shaky path. There is another option - excessive and strict requirements for people around, directive instructions, and this indicates the presence of aggression inside. Calmness and confidence, diplomacy and justice, that's what can cause gratitude and respect. Wherein, development of assertiveness happens at an accelerated pace, helping a person become an excellent leader.

Choose your own reaction

Assertiveness in psychology is awareness, which has nothing to do with aggression. That is, a person knows how to independently choose his reaction, thereby reacting to an irritant. During conflict situations, a habit is formed to ask yourself some questions: “How this situation Will my actions/words affect me?”, “Does this situation affect my interests in any way?”. Similar questions, provide some reserve time for understanding their feelings and choosing a behavior model.

Development of assertiveness among officials

Without fear for their behavior, an assertive boss knows how to form active cooperation in his team. He does not try to assert himself and does not impose his own opinion, as an aggressive leader likes to do. In the work of a modern chef, cooperation is main point at work. Encountering the disapproval of a subordinate, an assertive boss will not try to suppress him, but will try to analyze the reasons for disagreement. "What is needed to given task been done?”, “How can we combine our efforts?” - such questions are asked by those leaders who highly value themselves.

The ability to admit one's own mistakes

Development of assertiveness provides an opportunity to correctly evaluate their activities, that is, the effectiveness of work and the time spent, which in right moment allows you to abandon the wrong and ineffective plan. An assertive person is able to do this, even if he has to admit he was wrong. The majority of people are unable to calmly take any criticism personally. They usually include defensive reaction or respond with attacks, thereby completely closing. Assertive worker can adequately and calmly respond to criticism, using it to better perform their duties.

Calm but not timid

If a person has external tact for others, it may seem. The main thing is that in any desires there should be respect for others and concern for one's own interests. assertiveness is a complex skill that takes some time to maximum development. A simple rule will help you if you have gone astray. It should be during each meeting - communication with management, colleagues, to clearly articulate their goals and needs. It is advisable to write them down so that after the end of the discussion you can check with the tasks.

Do not forget about your life and work goals

Need to create in a team comfortable conditions, since the productivity of labor directly depends on the presence of harmony among their colleagues. We dedicate the main part of our lives to work, so relationships in the team are very important.

We have examined in detail and defined what is assertiveness. The development of assertiveness is a skill that allows you to achieve personal goals, at the same time, without contradicting the goals of other people, which gives a good atmosphere in the team, greater productivity and enough high level life.