13 342 0 Hello! In this article, we will talk about how to stop being shy of people and become more confident in yourself. No one doubts that self-confident people always and in everything win compared to shy ones. Who is more sympathetic to others? Who usually convinces more effectively? Who is more successful at job interviews? Certainly a confident person. And if you are not one, then you are probably wondering: how to stop being shy and become more confident in yourself. There is a way out, and the recommendations below will help to cope with various complexes.

Reasons for shyness

1. Unfavorable factors of upbringing in the family. Quite often, shyness appears in those people who, in childhood, did not feel comfortable in communicating with their parents and were often criticized by them. Constant prohibitions, pulling, strict control, disrespect of the child by adults form a fear of the world around and reinforce shyness in his behavior. Focusing attention on this feature also leads to its memorization and habit to it. For example, on the part of adults, phrases could sound: “What a shy you are!”, “Well, why are you shy?” or “Stop being shy, no one will bite you here!”. If parents themselves demonstrate self-doubt and susceptibility to all sorts of fears, then these traits with more probabilities can be passed on to the child.

Childhood experiences affect our entire lives.

1. often leads to shyness. In this case, a person sees in himself more negative qualities than positive ones. He believes that other people appreciate him as well and tends to remain in the background, afraid of their criticism and unkind looks. And as practice shows, others usually treat shy people better than they treat themselves. That is, their fears are often far-fetched.
2. experienced adverse events(loss of loved ones and loneliness, divorce, betrayal, etc.) can also cause shyness in behavior.
3. If you had to look ridiculous, make a mistake in the presence of other people, catch sidelong glances on yourself, then a person may experience embarrassment in such situations in the future.
4. Physical disabilities (real or imagined) can cause a person to become embarrassed about their body in public.

The negative impact of shyness

• If a person experiences embarrassment, then he cannot fully express himself. His talents risk going unnoticed.
• Shyness blocks our movements. There are usually a lot of clamps in the body, the muscles are compressed, there is not enough freedom of movement.
• When we are embarrassed, we feel uncomfortable. , we turn pale, we worry about whether we look funny, ridiculous.
• Shyness prevents full communication with others. Getting to know each other, asking for something, expressing your opinion are tasks that are difficult for a shy person to complete.
• Embarrassment sometimes makes you give up your goals. And than more achievement of them is associated with interaction with people, the faster many pass.
• Shy people avoid conflict, fear quarrels, and have difficulty standing up for their point of view.

Therefore, if the question arises of in what cases it is necessary to get rid of embarrassment, we can safely answer: in any! After all, if we stop being embarrassed, then significant prospects open up before us.

How to overcome shyness: start thinking positively

1. It is important to realize that shyness is a common feeling that has no serious basis. Most often, a certain chain of thoughts arises in the style: “I am awkward, I will look funny, awkward, I will worry, I will not be able to communicate properly, they will think something unflattering about me.” It is important to be able to track such conclusions and reformulate them in the mind into positive tone, but without the "not" particle. They should sound in the affirmative form: “I will look confident”, “I will be able to answer all questions”, “I produce pleasant impression" etc. positive attitude make sure to run the program confident behavior!
2. Recognize the reason for your shyness. Why do you feel insecure? In what situations do you experience the most embarrassment? How does it manifest itself? Are you blushing? Trembling fingers? Do you hide your eyes from others? Do you want to fall through the ground? Be sure to track your feelings that arise when you are constrained.
3. After you identify the cause of your insecurity, there is a deep inner work. For example, you realized that this feeling arose in childhood in the process of education. Now it is important to get rid of those negative attitudes, ratings and criticism that were received at the time early time. To do this, take the position of an adult, self-sufficient person. You are no longer a dependent child who relies on the opinion of his parents in everything. You are a free person, and only those principles and attitudes that are convenient and valuable only for you should remain in your mind.

With other reasons, it is also necessary to work at the level of feelings and attitudes, not deceiving yourself, but accepting all your weaknesses as they are. In some situations, you may need the help of a psychologist, which you should definitely not hesitate to seek.

Controlling external manifestations of shyness

One of the most challenging tasks- control and change nonverbal behavior(look, gestures, facial expressions, etc.) But it is very important to develop this skill in order to stop being shy of people.

• Shy people cannot look into the eyes of others, so they hide their gaze or constantly move it from one object to another. To demonstrate your confidence while talking most time to look at the interlocutor. You have to force yourself to do it. Psychologically, it is easier to look at a point slightly above the bridge of the nose (the level of the “third eye”). For starters, you can use this technique.
• Watch your posture. Everyone likes a straight back. Stooped people are often perceived by others as insecure and closed.
• Do not cross your arms or legs while talking.
• Another important question: how to stop blushing at the moment of embarrassment?

• Usually, if we feel that a blush is coming to our cheeks, we try to hide it in every possible way: we turn away, go out. And this external fuss is noticeable to others. What to do? Paradoxically, you need to focus other people's attention on your reaction. For example: "I'm red again" or "Oh, yes, I'm on fire!"
• If you are speaking in front of big group people, then you can admit out loud: “I am very worried ...” This will help you cope with excessive anxiety, and others are likely to provide support.
• Remember that until you yourself show embarrassment and attempts to hide, close, others will not notice your embarrassment.

How to deal with shyness: reinforcing the habit of being confident

1. Do not bypass the now popular theme of leaving the comfort zone in this matter. If you want to become more confident, then you have to do it. Shy people try to avoid situations in which they feel uncomfortable, do not appear in public once again, and do not show activity. This strategy needs to be radically changed, forcing yourself to get into uncomfortable situations. You should regularly set yourself goals to develop confident behavior. For example: visit some crowded place where you are afraid to go, to communicate with three strangers, ask the seller in detail about the product and not buy it. At first there will be a terrible discomfort, but this is a matter of habit. The main thing is not to stop creating similar situations for yourself, otherwise the skill will not form.
2. The feeling of attractiveness gives self-confidence and increases self-esteem. Keep track of your appearance. Nice and neat people win over, others are drawn to them, and this reduces embarrassment. If you like yourself in the mirror, then confidence will grow. It is also important that everything looks harmonious, and you feel comfortable. Pretentiousness and excessive extravagance should not be. Green hair and an abundance of tattoos are not evidence of self-confidence.
3. Respect and love yourself. This is one of the basic rules of confident behavior. Praise yourself for new look, any goal achieved, the successful development of valuable skills. Get into the habit of smiling and complimenting yourself in the morning or before going out. In moments of self-criticism, when you find some negative trait, immediately remember two of your strong qualities. These are your powerful resources.
4. Preparation adds confidence. Remember yourself at school: when the lesson was not learned, what fear did you experience when the teacher wandered through the list in school magazine. Get ready for the big event important meeting, to a phone call - to any situation that makes you embarrassed. Think carefully about how you will look (style of clothing, makeup, hairstyle), what and how you will say, what actions you have to carry out. Try to rehearse key points in front of the mirror. Think about what situations might arise and how you should respond to them, such as what questions you might be asked or what responses to your proposal.

The pattern is: the more shy you are, the more thoroughly you need to prepare each time. Over time, when you become more confident in yourself, this need will disappear, the ability to improvise will appear.

1. Humor will be your true assistant. Try to respond to various incidents with jokes, learn to laugh at yourself.
2. Arm yourself with information. We all remember what the one who owns the information owns. Simply put, the more knowledge we have and the ability to apply it, the less embarrassment there will be. So you increase your chances of becoming an interesting conversationalist.
3. Communicate, communicate, and communicate again! Use every opportunity given to you. Chat with people you know to improve your speaking skills and oratorical skills. With strangers - to become bolder and more confident. Read aloud. Listen to how your speech sounds, correct it.
4. Once and for all, give up the desire to "please everyone." It's impossible. Focus your attention only on significant people.
5. Always tune in successful communication, but also imagine that the worst can happen in a situation of constraint. Try to accept any outcome.
6. Yoga classes, breathing exercises contribute to the stabilization of the nervous system and increase self-confidence.
7. Being in a society of people, concentrate not on your behavior, but on their features. Experience true interest in them: observe speech, actions, facial expressions and gestures, be able to listen. This will help to distract from your shortcomings, behave more liberated and learn skills successful interaction with people.

How to loosen up and stop being shy about communicating with the opposite sex

Shyness often becomes a stumbling block in establishing relationships. Even in modern world there are a lot of girls who want to be bolder and stop being shy about a guy.

Causes female insecurity most often serve as a feeling of own unattractiveness, fear of taking the initiative in relationships, unsuccessful past experience interactions with the opposite sex.

How to overcome shyness in communicating with a guy?

• If it is necessary to get to know each other, then the setting should be: “I will approach him and be able to interest him”, “Whatever the result, I will enjoy communicating with him.”
• Don't compare yourself to other girls. You unique personality with your lifestyle. Ask him what you hooked him on, and you will surely hear interesting phrases.
• If fear is present, but you want to stop being ashamed of your body in front of a guy, you need to:

• First of all, love it yourself (your body). If we are dissatisfied with ourselves and the body, then we lack grace, plasticity, we do not master it perfectly and may look awkward.
• get busy exercise, tighten your shape, strengthen your muscles and make your body more attractive.
• “Please” your body with massage sessions and SPA procedures. You and it deserve it!
• Choose a suitable style of clothing, beautiful lingerie that will emphasize your figure and hide imperfections.

• Often there is uncertainty about intimate relationships. To stop being shy in bed, it is important to remember that guys love it when girls take the initiative, go for sexual experiments, surprise them. If you want to become more confident in this regard, it is always important to listen to your partner's needs, try to give him maximum pleasure, trust him and focus in the moment. intimacy not on thoughts and attitudes, but exclusively on feelings and sensations. And, of course, you need to constantly improve your level of competence in this matter.

Where there is love, there is no place for embarrassment!

The path to overcoming shyness is not easy, but justified by a valuable result. We can safely say that anyone who has strong desire become confident person, will definitely achieve this. History knows many examples of how notorious individuals at a young age became well-known figures and showed the world their achievements.

Overcome Shyness in 60 Seconds - Top Tips!

Communication is an essential part of every person's life. But at the same time, not all people are very willing to communicate with others. This is largely due to temperament, because as psychologists have long found out, the character of a person directly depends on his psychotype. But in some cases, communication problems are the result of some internal complexes and fears. Let's talk about how to overcome shyness and self-doubt.

How to overcome shyness?

Shyness is pretty unpleasant feeling, which causes a person noticeable discomfort during communication with others. From time to time, each of us encounters such a feeling, but for some people it becomes an integral feature, which in turn is a certain life hindrance.
If you need to deal with shyness, get ready for a long work on yourself.
The first step is to analyze what exactly causes you embarrassment: appearance, voice, the need to express your personal opinion etc.
Then try to accept that most people only care about self. Therefore, it is better to stop thinking about the opinions of others regarding you.

When constrained, it is necessary to communicate as much as possible, without closing from outside world. Need to ask more questions, learn to listen to the interlocutor. You should also look for forte: go in for sports, learn to control your voice, change your image. If you understand some narrow topic, find yourself interlocutors to whom you can give advice and talk about your experience.

If you are very shy, you should train at home to be more confident. It is necessary to monitor the posture and gait, learn to speak correctly and look good. You can imagine yourself as an actor rehearsing for a role. Over time, you will get used to this behavior and will no longer be shy.

Some psychologists advise dealing with your own shyness in the following way: find a person who is more shy than you, and start talking to him, helping to overcome his problem.

Psychologists also advise resorting to the method positive beliefs. Take an ordinary piece of paper and write your positive sides(including those that you would like to see). In this case, write all sentences in the affirmative form. Not "I'm not shy", but "I'm confident."

How to overcome self-doubt?

Self-doubt is also a fairly common problem for many people that prevents them from trying new things, growing and developing. But she can be dealt with.
First of all, you need to stop reproaching yourself for appearance flaws and a variety of mistakes. Learn to smile at your reflection several times a day and say at least three compliments to it. With visible shortcomings in appearance, take care of their correction, visit the gym, beautician, makeup artist, stylist, hairdresser, etc.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. After all, only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. And on the way to success and the top, everyone periodically falls and rises, makes mistakes and corrects them.

If you feel great at your place of work and surrounded by familiar people, but are very afraid of change, resort to next tip psychologists. Once every two or three days, start doing something absolutely not typical for yourself: take a walk down the street in a bright dress, visit the gym, go to the movies yourself (unaccompanied) and, finally, tell your boss about your rationalization proposals.

At the same time, be sure to keep a diary in which you will record all your changes and successes. Also, do not forget about the analysis committed mistakes.

Also, to cope with uncertainty, try writing on a piece of paper a list of all the most scary horrors that you may experience when interacting with other people and at work. Also list all the possible intrigues of others (employees, etc.) with whom you are forced to communicate, and all your possible inconvenience from such intrigues.

Next, take another sheet and list in it maximum amount good points that you can acquire for yourself by eliminating your fear and insecurity.
Fold both leaves side by side and analyze. Finally, decide what is more important for you: an impartial assessment of others (possible in fact only in theory) or success in life, peace of mind and general psychological balance? Burn the leaf with the negative and scatter the ashes in the wind, and the important and positive list put it under glass and do not forget to reread it regularly.

If you want to say goodbye to insecurity, be sure to learn not to think about what causes you bad and anxious emotions. If such thoughts do not change your life at all, why waste your nerves on them. Just draw the appropriate conclusions and get the situation out of your head.

Also, do not be afraid to offend other people: if necessary, defend your boundaries and interests, remaining, of course, within the bounds of decency. And remember to respect the boundaries of others.

If you feel that you cannot cope with shyness and self-doubt on your own, seek the advice of a qualified psychologist or psychotherapist. The specialist will help to find the roots of such a problem and suggest methods for its effective correction.

Modesty, of course, adorns a person. But only in reasonable quantities. And sometimes there are times when it really gets in the way. At an important meeting, you can’t squeeze out a word, your face is filled with color, and from embarrassment you just want to fall through the ground. Are you familiar with this? Shyness can and should be overcome.

How to get rid of shyness and insecurity

This problem is posed to very tight people who find it difficult to communicate, since their level of verbal relationships is quite low. As a rule, they are prevented from discussing generally accepted topics, as well as about relationships, by a small vocabulary, stereotyped thinking and excessive idealization of communication as current.

Reasons for shyness

The first aspect associated with a lack of literacy or objectivity of reasoning is solved by acquiring communication skills and increasing the level of one's intelligence.

This means that any person at any time is ready to communicate on absolutely any topic, since the necessary baggage of knowledge for discussing them is always with him. Therefore, do not think that the difficulty of communication will always arise for you.

It also does not matter that you will constantly reflect on what has been said. To overcome shyness, the main thing is not to try to look for an extraneous meaning in what was said to you, but to answer strictly the question posed.

Be yourself, shyness will go away on its own

The emergence of interest in a person also helps to get rid of shyness in a conversation, since it is then that what you receive in response is genuinely important to the brain. In fact, this means that the engine of communication is interest.

Your interest, your desire to learn something and possibly like it. It is worth brushing aside all thoughts that it is not interesting to talk with you, that your thoughts are boring, since there are always people who are not biased about this.

And perhaps this is the case if, even before talking about appearance and behavior, someone has an interest in you. Then they forgive you some hiccups, when you are required to just be real and speak for yourself.

There is a proverb: people are greeted by their clothes. Agree, when you are stylishly dressed and well-haired, it is much easier to feel more confident.

Are you satisfied with the reflection in the mirror? So you can start working on yourself.

Good practice is talking to a stranger. If a passer-by asks you for directions, don't automatically brush it off: "I don't know!" First think, maybe you will find a way to help the person navigate.

Ask the people around you more often what time it is. This can be done without much need. This exercise will help you overcome shyness. Pretty soon you will notice that you no longer have to overcome yourself to ask a stranger a question.

No need to hide emotions, whether positive or negative. And don't be afraid to seem too much impulsive person. You will notice that people are not at all as critical of your every word as you thought before.

Change is always for the better

To get rid of shyness, you need to take failure philosophically. Being engaged in self-discipline, you are wasting your time, because everyone knows for a long time that only the one who does nothing is not mistaken.

Reconsider the circle of communication, it needs to be expanded. Have you liked to draw since childhood, but did not have enough time to paint? Sign up for courses and find new friends whose support you need.

Change your surroundings more often, go out into the world. To combat shyness, spend your vacation in an unusual way. Instead of the usual trip to the country, it is better to make a short trip abroad. Once in a country that you have long dreamed of visiting, you will forget about your fears. And besides, you will learn a lot of new things.

Every day, set before yourself, albeit small, but real goals. When the plan in the diary is completed by the evening, in addition to a sense of satisfaction, self-confidence will also appear.

How to stop being shy

How to overcome the fear of talking to strangers? Do not worry, many people experience bouts of shyness every day. To get rid of shyness, fears must be learned to control. A common person differs from the "coward" only in that he controls his fear, and not at all in that he never has to experience it. Therefore, the main task in the fight against shyness will be to overcome fear in communicating with strangers.

How to overcome this fear and how to stop being shy of people forever? Here are some tips to help you:

If you feel uncomfortable in a large company of people or in a crowd, then in order to combat this kind of constraint, you need to regularly perform the following exercise. feel like a part of the world that surrounds you. Take your eyes off the asphalt and observe what surrounds you (houses, trees, people passing by).

Get to know your friends. Thus, the circle of your communication will quickly expand. To stop being afraid of people, try to communicate with them more.

Interact with complete strangers. Go up to a person on the street and ask him something: how to find a grocery store, if they like the color of your suit, etc. It's amazing, but only 10% of people do not want to communicate. The rest are very friendly.

Look people straight in the eye. At first, this may seem like a difficult task, but then you will realize that no one wants to "kill you with a look", and the feeling of discomfort and fear will immediately decrease. But remember that you should not stare or stare.

AT public transport get used to sitting next to another person, even if there is vacancies. This way you will show your cowardice that it is completely unfounded.

Very efficient and unusual way to get rid of shyness is to imagine that the people around are the characters of some movie. You watch them through the TV screen. Then the fear disappears quickly.

Think about how your life could change if you finally overcame fear and successfully got rid of shyness and timidity. Remember and partially apply the above recommendations, and then you will understand that by getting rid of this problem, you become happier, a free man, new horizons are opening before you, do not miss this chance!

The word "shyness" speaks for itself - shy person constrained, restricted, constrained. A synonym for shyness is the word "shyness", even more expressively; shy person, indeed, as if located behind the walls. How can you free yourself from this “prison”? How to overcome shyness?

Who constrains a person, fences him off with an invisible wall from the environment? Only himself, no one else!

shyness- this is a state of mind, a character trait and a special behavior of a person, characterized by:

• indecision
• timidity
• timidity
• tension
• stiffness
• awkwardness in human society.

Shyness may appear situationally, due to specific situation, causing shame, and can be repeated many times, appearing without sufficient reason and after transforming into character trait.

shyness- this is a feeling of awkwardness, inconvenience with oneself in the presence of other people. The more person thinks about his shyness, pays attention to it and concentrates, the more he plunges deep into himself and the more he is shy.

Shyness is a "cocktail" of shame and fear. These two basic emotional states natural, but negatively affect a person's life and personality when overly expressed. Also shyness, which, initially being normal and even encouraged by society trait, in character combined with decency, restraint, reliability and good upbringing, provokes many inconveniences and serious difficulties.

Since childhood, all people, and especially girls, have been told that modesty and restraint in behavior adorn a person. Not too pronounced shyness is touching, it can look like coquetry and cause positive feelings, while excessive shyness irritates, repels and can be a reason for ridicule.

If too free, cheeky, self-confident behavior causes more harm to others than to the individual himself, then the antipode of arrogance - shyness - is a problem only for the most shy person.

Human, " driving "I myself into the framework of shyness:

• often misses a good opportunity, a chance;
• putting on a mask of shyness, does not reveal its positive aspects;
• is afraid to prove himself both at work and in his personal life and therefore is inactive;
• deprives himself of the possibility of development and personal growth;
• is isolated from society and is lonely;
• provokes the formation of complexes and negative feelings(regret about what was not done, anger at oneself and others, guilt, etc.).

There are many reasons for the emergence of such a character trait as shyness. Most often, they are grouped and talked about two main reasons:

• lack of social skills
• lack of self-esteem.

The fact that shyness is due to a lack of social skills explains children's shyness. The kid hugs his mother and hides behind her when someone unfamiliar with him speaks, because he is not yet socialized enough.

Interesting that the reason for the lack of social skills explains the relevance of the problem of shyness. Children, teenagers and young people, too often immersed in gadgets and freely communicate in virtual reality, lose communication skills “live”, which is why they are more often shy and clamped down in real society.

Social skills are acquired and developed, but with self-doubt as the cause of shyness is more difficult to understand. Such shyness can be conditioned:

1. personality traits. According to the observations of scientists, shyness often becomes a character trait of introverts, melancholic and phlegmatic people, people with internal locus control.
2. Happened in the past traumatic situation. It happens that one event that hurts the soul is enough for an active and brave man turned into a tight and fearful. How more people observed a situation that is subjectively perceived as shameful and humiliating, the more traumatic it will seem.
3. Features of education in childhood. If a person grew up shy, this does not mean at all that he was taught this or set an example. It is enough just to limit and suppress the initiative of the child, to treat him indifferently, dismissively, to humiliate and mock him in public, to scare him with horror stories about evil strangers.

Worthy of special mention congenital shyness theory, owned by psychologist R. Cattell. Studies conducted by him at the end of the last century showed that heredity can be the cause of shyness! Shyness, caused biologically, according to the followers of R. Cattell, unfortunately, is not amenable to psychological correction.

This is perhaps the most pessimistic view of the problem of shyness. Representatives of other branches of psychology adhere to opposite point vision and work with the problem of shyness. Moreover, psychologists say that adults can cope with shyness on their own, without resorting to the help of a specialist.

lack of social skills the following tips will help:

1. Act like a confident person. Shyness is manifested in everything, including behavior, posture, speech. Shy people lower their eyes, smile fearfully, lift their shoulders, slouch, speak quietly, because of fear, their speech sounds unintelligible and often gets lost.

Inner feelings and states are reflected in appearance. The converse statement is also true - the position of the body determines the internal state.

Through the force of smiling for five minutes, you can feel joy. By straightening your back, keeping your head straight, looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, you can feel self-confidence.

1. Do things that cause embarrassment, take your time walk towards fear.

The more often a person does something that causes embarrassment in him, the less often he is embarrassed, since the novelty of the action and its significance are reduced. The action that caused shame becomes ordinary, familiar, completely fearless.

For example, if a girl is shy when guys meet her (because of which she can’t manage her personal life), she should overpower herself and at least once show courage when meeting, at least look into the person’s eyes and smile.

1. Don't be afraid of mistakes. This is one of the biggest fears of shy people, preventing vigorous activity and development. If you treat mistakes as an experience that is always beneficial and set yourself up for success (rather than thinking about how to avoid failure), you can regain your courage and determination.

If the reason for shyness is self-doubt psychologists recommend:

1. Realize the equality of people. Shyness can be caused by thoughts of insignificance or superiority. For example, if it seems that someone is much better dressed, there is embarrassment, shame and even envy; when someone is much worse dressed, there is awkwardness, guilt, it becomes ashamed that the other person feels worse.

It must be remembered that all people are equal, born with relatively the same data, inclinations and abilities. The way a person lives - his area of ​​​​responsibility and the consequences of his work, you should neither envy him nor feel sorry for him.

Shyness makes it difficult to realize dreams, achieving goals and meeting needs significantly complicates.

1. Raise self-esteem. For shy people, the gap between the “I-real” (how a person evaluates himself in the present) and the “I-ideal” (what you want to be) is very large, this is a sign of low self-esteem. You need to learn to notice and develop your strengths, not focusing on your shortcomings, to accept yourself, to adequately assess your abilities, and not to make excessive demands on yourself.

Like any phenomenon that negatively affects a person’s life, shyness can be eradicated or at least made less pronounced.

Being shy means being afraid of people
especially those who for one reason or another
negatively affect our emotions.
Phil Zimbard about

Every day we are faced with large quantity shy, insecure individuals. Psychologists say that almost all people suffer from shyness to one degree or another.

One of best books on this topic - work American psychologist F. Zimbardo, which is called “Shyness: what it is and how to deal with it,” suggests referring to the famous Webster dictionary, which says that being shy means being “difficult to approach, because of timidity, caution and mistrust” . Zimbardo gives several quotations from the dictionary:

"A shy person is cautious, not inclined to meet or contact with any particular person or object." "Impressionable, timid, reluctant to defend their rights", a shy person "may be retiring or secretive due to self-doubt or fear of harassment by his antipode, a dubious, suspicious, "dark" personality." Webster's Dictionary defines shyness as awkwardness in the presence of other people.

Shyness goes hand in hand with embarrassment, which the same Zimbardo defines as a "short-term acute loss of self-respect" that periodically happens to many people. Embarrassment coexists with awkwardness, during which it becomes clear from the outside that a person is absorbed in himself and a painful reaction to the way other people see and perceive him. Shy people are self-conscious, that is, they are negatively disposed towards themselves.

What are the causes of shyness? There are many of them and they have both an innate genetic basis and an acquired origin. The origins of shyness must be sought in childhood, where a person was not taught to love himself and accept himself as a whole. In the future, life traumas and problems consolidated this property and made it a constant companion of a person. A shy person constantly rejects some part of himself in himself and hides it from others, fearing that those around him will discover it and in some negative way (mockery, discontent, criticism, aggression, etc.) will react to it. To feel more comfortable and confident, people who can't get rid of shyness surround themselves with a whole cascade of clumsy, conspicuous psychological shields, and this makes them even more tense.

If you take a closer look at shyness, you can see at its basis a special mechanism for unfavorably comparing oneself with a certain standard of confidence and emancipation that exists in the minds of such people. Comparison is always the result of the work of the mind, however, it is evaluated and experienced on emotional level. The state of security directly depends on the depth of experience.

A person is afraid to be himself in the presence of other people and therefore takes an artificial clumsy psychological pose. He narrows the space of interaction with other people, he begins to avoid everything new in life, and the fabric of his consciousness is covered with scars from psychological trauma that almost every contact inflicts on him. He does not live, but exists, as if being in a half-bent state.

We live in cruel world where weakness is trampled under the law brute force and selfishness. Shy people are beaten all the time for profit or for the sake of self-affirmation, and they will probably be beaten for a long time if they don’t start up, get angry at themselves with good sports anger and don’t try to become stronger. Such people themselves attract blows both by their appearance and by the expression on the face, on the forehead of which capital letters it is written: “I am a victim”, and with subtle energy, as if intended to be beaten all the time. Even if shy people sometimes explode and protest, their outbursts are almost always belated attempts to force themselves to be respected and restore the status quo. They either have no effect on the aggressors, or cause those even more fury and a desire to finish off the awkwardly protesting victim.

Shy insecure person instead of discharging the dissatisfaction that has arisen in communication with the behavior of other people in the correct form, giving them a signal about the inadmissibility of their reactions, accumulates anger and resentment in himself. When accumulated negative emotions overflow the edge, many people of this type turn on defense mechanisms and an explosion occurs. However, it often happens that, due to their weakness and disbelief in own forces a shy person does not dare to throw out dissatisfaction on the one who is really to blame, and begins to take out his annoyance, transferring irritation to even weaker people - relatives, friends, children, lower-ranking employees.

If you are serious about getting rid of shyness and becoming confident and secure at all times, here are a few steps you can take.:

1. Take a close look at your shyness and insecurity and try to understand its origins. Where did you get this property from? Is it congenital or acquired? And if you bought it, what influenced you the most - failures, bullying, ridicule, criticism, difficult circumstances or some other reasons? Also answer the question - is it easy to eliminate these causes with a simple strong-willed decision or do they require painstaking work, perhaps together with a specialist.
2. Try to see in yourself that inner standard of confidence, the comparison with which brings you into a state of emotional stress and clamp. Why are you so painfully worried that you are not like him? Where did you get this inner standard and image from? Who implanted it in your mind? Think about it, could you live without comparing yourself to anyone or anything, but accepting yourself the way you are?
3. Try to understand what you dislike so much about yourself and why do you reject it? What motivates you to hide this trait or property from other people so tensely? What will happen if, on the contrary, you accept it first for yourself, and then open it to others? To get rid of shyness, first try to imagine it mentally, and then gradually transfer your idea, vision and mood into reality.
4. Learn the great art of calmly and objectively seeing yourself as if from the outside without judgment or judgment. Such an outwardly neutral vision will gradually awaken your positive emotions, a feeling of joy and love for the whole world, including oneself, as part of this world. Direct this love to that darkened inner line that you do not like so much and that you so carefully hide from other people's views.
5. Introduce a light detachment and mild humor into your relationship with yourself. Make fun of your shyness and insecurity. Accept them easily, without tension, without judging yourself for such qualities, but perceiving their presence as a springboard for further improvement.
6. Collect all past resources of your victories or at least successful communication scenarios in any situation. Remember all the cases of your confidence and looseness in companies. Try to recall and relive your positive emotions that you experienced then. Then gather these emotions together into one big holistic feeling of faith in yourself and tune in to its further expansion. Saturate with this feeling, as if with a light substance, your whole being - body, organism, nervous system, psyche, consciousness, your "I".
7. Mentally observe yourself and try to find in yourself some internal obscurations and energy blocks that are responsible for the state of insecurity and prevent you from getting rid of shyness. Then dissolve this feeling and state on all levels of your being from consciousness to body and replace it with a state of confidence.
8. Take a close look at confident, liberated people. Try to understand what is the secret of their success and how they manage to keep themselves relaxed and confident in all situations. Try to imagine how they are arranged inner world. Think about it, are there at least some weak rudiments of such confidence and looseness inside you? If there is, then tune in to this state again and again, catching and fixing it. Consider also whether you are capable of the things these people do or not.
9. Try to behave the way people of this type behave - freely, confidently, liberated, doing what they like to do, without regard to others. Bring impulses of freedom and emancipation into your gestures, movements, looks, gait, intonations, facial expressions, decisions, actions. Achieve a clear feeling that a stream of freedom is passing through you.
10. If the self-confidence techniques and methods described above are not enough to save you from shyness, then turn to Higher Powers with a prayer and a request to help you acquire this state and property. Ask with all your heart and being, bringing the energy of emotional sincerity and aspiration into prayer, and after a while you will begin to receive an answer and support.
11. Give serious consideration to liberation from muscle clamps. Shyness simply ceases to exist as a property if a person has learned to truly relax his body. Each facet of shyness has its own muscular manifestation. Examine the muscle pattern of your shyness. Try to understand which muscle groups are the main forces that support this negative emotional state.
12. At the moment of blows or pressure of circumstances, try to respond to them by putting up an energy shield woven from the substance of confidence. Trust that you can handle the problem.

At the same time, don't turn yourself into an overconfident biorobot. Confidence is not a goal, it is just a means to an end and an indicator life force person, indicating that the goal will be achieved. Leave room for pain, failure, experience. Remember the thought expressed by Zimbardo: “Do not overprotect your ego: it is more durable and cheerful than you think. It bends but doesn't break. Much better time from time to time feel pain in the soul from the fact that you acted not in the best way rather than avoid pain at the cost of emotional sensation.