Cancer is not always a death sentence, of course, and most people find it helpful to hold on to hope. But I have found that many cancer patients, especially those with a poor prognosis, think about their possible death and whether they can come to terms with it when the time comes. They want to reach an agreement with her before they find themselves days or weeks before leaving. In this article, I will describe how patients I know have come to feel some sense of accepting their death, even though it may take several months.

Although it was an inside-out process, it was not impossible. If you are struggling with this problem, trying to somehow come to terms with the fact that you are dying, then when the time comes, studying how other cancer patients died will help in resolving this issue. If you are firmly convinced that this is not your option because the feelings of the dying person are obviously unacceptable to you, studying how others have overcome this hard way, can help you.

The phrase "come to terms with death" means different things to different people, and other phrases are often used that convey the same general idea. They include phrases such as "feeling accepted," "feeling reconciled," "being at peace," "feeling compelled," "feeling good," "time to retire," "giving in," and "letting go." As you can see, there are different nuances of meaning in each concept, and I can't think of a single conceptualization that would cover all cases. Perhaps it is better to say that patients who come to terms with their death do not feel they have to continue to fight or protest against it. It can be a long, painful struggle to get to this point.

Another aspect of coming to terms with death is to stop being afraid of it.

It is difficult to approach death with a sense of peace or acceptance if you are afraid of the process of dying. What you know can help is that in the vast majority of cases, the pain and suffering of those dying of cancer can be effectively managed and controlled by the judicious use of opioids and other strategies. When the time comes, the hospice team or other palliative (aimed at maintaining an acceptable quality of life for the patient) care professionals do everything possible to ensure that the person's death from cancer or for some other reason is quiet and painless. Do not hesitate to contact them for help. This essay is based not only on what patients in therapy have told me, but also on interviews I conducted as part of a study with patients younger than 50 who were in serious condition. They strove to come to terms with their deaths as their cancer progressed, and found that looking ahead, more than anything else, helped them in the process.

Gratitude

This first factor was a startling finding that testifies to the power of gratitude. Gratitude was mentioned by 84% of cancer patients. They looked back on their lives and were grateful for the years they had lived and the positive experiences they had enjoyed. For most of them, gratitude helped to compensate for feelings of disappointment due to deceived expectations for long life. Gratitude is a common feeling for older patients - 70-80 years old - which is sufficient reason to be grateful for a long life, and in order to balance the negative feelings that death causes.

If you are a young person and have a poor prognosis, then you may look into the future and feel cheated by the life you will miss. But you can also look back at the life you already had and give thanks for it. Both approaches are fully justified. One patient said that it was his choice to look ahead or look back, and that he chose hard to look back and take stock of things he could be grateful for. Gratitude provided him with comfort and helped ease the pain of an untimely death. He was only forty-two years old.

People who consider themselves entitled to have good life, perhaps taking it for granted, and rarely feel grateful. Gratitude grows out of seeing your luck in a world where nobody's luck is guaranteed. Gratitude should come when you see that luck is on your side, although it is not guaranteed to anyone.

Feeling of pride

This factor is a sense of pride in one's achievements or personal traits developed over many years were mentioned by 80% of patients. Feelings of pride in yourself can come when you ask yourself, "What have I done with my life?" and “What am I?” Patients don't brag about it; in fact, many didn't want to use the word "proud". They were more likely to simply say that they felt good thinking about certain things — usually about what they achieved in their work or personal life, such as a long marriage or having been good parents. True, if you ask him, they will say that yes, it was a pleasant feeling of pride.

The concept of "meaning of life" combines several years into a single whole. This design gave birth to the question, what have we done with what is called our life? Have we just lived from day to day, without any sense of a unifying purpose that spans all these years? And if we believe that we have put our life to the achievement of positive goals, then we can approach death with deserved pride. Together with gratitude, this feeling can help calm heartache early death.

Religious faith or spirituality

Seventy-two percent of patients reported that their religious belief or spirituality helped them come to terms with the prognosis. For many it was faith in a kind afterlife such as heaven or reincarnation. Some have mentioned their spirit, essence, or soul as an aspect of their inner being that will live in some spiritual form. Some had a core belief in God's will or a plan—a plan in which something positive will arise from their death. Believing patients sought to accept their illness in this context. One patient mentioned the idea of ​​surrendering to God's will in order to let go and accept whatever might happen.

Some patients said that Buddhist beliefs and principles were helpful in thinking about death. In essence, this is a representation of the fleeting nature of everything that is. The following analogy conveys this important part teachings. Think of an ocean with countless individual waves and ripples on its surface. In the depths there is only a huge ocean, the whole, without any separate parts. Separate parts are only on the surface. These waves and ripples come from the ocean, but they are not the same as the ocean. They linger for a while on the surface and eventually return to the depths of the sea, deeper where everything is one. All nature, including ourselves, participates in this grandiose process of coming into existence on a short time and then the solutions go back to our source. This conceptualization has helped many patients feel good and leave safely.

Death is "inscribed" in our life. And with it comes pain. Is it possible to somehow help yourself when it does not go away, developing into despair and depression? How to let go of a person who has gone to another world, how to come to terms with the death of a loved one - a spouse, mother, father, child? ... This list of losses can turn out to be rather big, because in everyone's life there are living creatures whose death becomes a real tragedy ...

November is a month of nostalgia and sadness. The world around us loses color and slowly falls into a dead sleep. It is probably no coincidence that at the beginning of November there are religious-sacred days of commemoration of the dead and memories of people whom we knew, loved ... and still love. However, at the same time, this is an occasion to reflect on our attitude towards parting. After all, leaving this life is destined for everyone.

It cannot be avoided. In November, for many of us, with particular acuteness, the thought that everyone will step over the threshold that connects this world with that one is comprehended with particular acuteness. It is worth thinking about how we think about death, how much this understanding and awareness supports us. If not, can we change it to a mindset that can generate more positive than negative feelings?.. Why do you need to do this at all? Here is what experts say about this - the so-called life coaches.

How to Let a Person Go: The Power of Healing Acceptance

As part of modern science neuroscience, quantum physics and medicine in recent times many interesting discoveries have been made that can be considered in the context of positive psychology. Many of the theories already proven explain the processes we trigger with our thoughts and feelings. We influence them both on ourselves and on everything around. Therefore, it is worth being aware and being careful with what and how we think.

According to scientists, neurotransmitters, hormones and neuropeptides “transport” negative thoughts throughout the body, especially into cells. immune system. When we react to severe stress, emotional pain, when we are controlled by complex feelings, in the end we fall into the network of diseases. Therefore, any suffering that we experience in difficult life situations can harm us for a long time or even forever. And, therefore, is a signal to change beliefs.

Breakups and loss are certainly among the situations that cause us the most pain. Sometimes so deep that it is difficult to describe it in any words. How to come to terms with the death of a loved one, how to let go of a person from thoughts and hearts - no matter what psychologists advise, it seems that there can be no answer to these questions at all. Moreover, many do not look for it, because they plunge into grief, which has a high chance of turning into depression. And it makes people lose their desire for life and plunge into despair for a very long time.

It happens that someone after the death of a loved one peace of mind never fully recovers again. Is it an expression of love? Or maybe this state of affairs stems from fear and dependence on someone's presence and closeness?

If we accept life as it is and accept its terms, the rules of the game (and death is one of them), then we must be ready to let go of the one we love. Love is our preference, not addiction. And not "ownership". If we love, then, of course, we feel sadness, regret and even despair after the final break with a loved one. Moreover, this does not necessarily apply to his departure from life, because the question of how to let go of a loved one from thoughts, from the soul, people ask in other, less tragic situations. But we have (by at least, should be) and the other is the acceptance of the fact that this person left our life and the acceptance of all the negative feelings associated with this. Therefore, they eventually pass, leaving a feeling of peace and gratitude for the fact that we once met and were together.

But if our life is dominated by a position based on control and generated by fear, then we cannot put up with death, we cannot let go of loss. Yes, it seems that we suffer - we cry and feel unhappy - but at the same time, paradoxically, we do not allow true feelings to come to us! We stop at their surface, afraid that they will swallow us. Then we do not give ourselves a chance for true experiences and may seek help in some kind of forced activity or drugs, alcohol. And in this way we contribute to the prolongation of the state of despair, bringing it to the deepest depression. Therefore, there is no need to run away from yourself, from your real feelings, to seek salvation from them - you need to accept their existence and allow yourself to experience them.

Think with love

According to physicist Dr. Ben Jonson, a person generates with his thoughts different frequencies energy. We cannot see them, but we feel their pronounced influence on our well-being. It is known that positive and negative thoughts differ fundamentally. Positive, that is, associated with love, joy, gratitude, are highly charged with the energy of life and act very favorably on us. In turn, negative thoughts vibrate low frequencies that reduce our vitality.

In the course of research, it was found that the most creative, vital and healthy electromagnetic field generates thoughts related to love, care and tenderness. So if you deepen your state by drawing black scenarios like “I can’t cope”, “My life will now be lonely and hopeless”, “I will always be alone / alone”, then you will significantly reduce your vitality.

Of course, when a person is tormented by the question of how to come to terms with the death of loved ones, how to let go of a dead person who is always in his thoughts, in his heart, in his soul, he somehow does not have time to think about himself, about his well-being. However, there is a problem. After some time, it suddenly turns out that life, which has stopped for a suffering person, for some reason does not want to stop in external manifestations. In other words, a person still has to go to work and do something there, earn money for a living, feed children and take them to school ... For some time they will show indulgence, but this cannot last too long. And if a person is absolutely indifferent to his well-being, then there may come a moment when he will not be able to do what no one can help him with. Even an ordinary household problem may be a daunting task for him. He will understand that he needs to pull himself together, but shaky health will be a very big obstacle on this path.

No one calls for driving away thoughts from loss, but when the stage of acute grief is experienced, it is time to change the emphasis in these thoughts.

Thinking about those who left with love, remembering happy moments, a person strengthens himself, and in some cases simply saves himself.

How to say goodbye to a loved one? How to let him go and not interfere with his affection?

Psychologists advise: if you have suffered a bereavement, accept the feelings and emotions that accompany it. Do not run away from them into some kind of imitation of activity that should help you forget, become a little "insensible".

Here is an exercise related to the practice of so-called integrated presence. It is believed that it makes a person closer to himself and to his feelings.

1. When you acutely feel sadness and despair, fear, confusion, a sense of loss, sit down, close your eyes and begin to breathe deeply.
2. Feel the air fill your lungs. Do not take long breaks between inhalations and exhalations. Try to breathe smoothly.
3. Try to breathe in your feelings as if they are hanging in the air. If you feel sadness, imagine that you are taking in her lungs, that she is fully present in you.
4. Then look for the place in your body where you feel your emotions the most. Breathe on.

The feelings you give space to are integrated. Then sadness will turn into gratitude for the fact that you had the opportunity to be, to live with a loved one. You will be able to remember his character, actions and general experiences with a smile and genuine, authentic joy. Repeat this exercise as often as possible - and suddenly you will feel strength in yourself. Sadness will turn into peace, and the question of how to let go of a loved one in such a way as to give him and yourself peace, how to find the strength to come to terms with his departure, will no longer be so acute.

Astrologers say: Scorpio is the king of death

Of all the signs of the Zodiac, the theme of farewell, death, remembrance is closest to Scorpio. He rules the VIII astrological house, the house of death, understood primarily as transformation.

The Scorpio archetype brings us closer to this topic, taking us through all the deaths that a person experiences while in the body. Scorpio loves to kill broad sense- to help the old, already obsolete, go away, giving way to the new. What must die? According to Scorpios, these are mostly "rotten" compromises, including with ourselves, when we deny our true feelings and desires. Scorpio teaches you to clearly say “yes” or “no” in order to live truly, fully

Phoenix is ​​reborn only from the ashes. What happens to him before his wings open again? He purifies himself in the fire of suffering. Life, according to Scorpio, is purgatory. We won't be able to taste bright pleasures, we won't rise to the heights of bliss before we know what pain tastes like. Thanks to her, looking into her eyes, we start all over again. Scorpions are associated with a snake, a symbol of transformation, as well as an eagle soaring high in the sky - already changed, already healed, with already more earthly feelings ...

Talking about how to let go of a departed person, how not to keep his soul tied to his negative thoughts and grief, is very difficult in simple, “everyday” words. The very phenomenon that has to be comprehended and accepted is too difficult. Nevertheless, every person who is forced to embark on such a dramatic path must understand that he is obliged to go through it - not only for himself, but also for the love that he will always keep in his heart ...

First of all, you need to understand that you can deal with grief anyway. For some it takes a few weeks, for others it takes a few years. Do not compare yourself to anyone and do not rush to pretend that everything is fine. In due time you will understand that sorrow recedes. Remember: Mom always wanted you to be happy and calm. Try to understand that she would not want your grief. Start slowly returning to habitual life and don't blame yourself for it. The closest person would never be upset because you crave happiness.

First of all, you need to understand that you can deal with grief anyway.

How to deal with the death of a mother? Memories help you to accept the loss. Keep the image of a loved one as much as possible not only in memory, but also on paper - write down everything that you remember about it. Also, from time to time, talk about the deceased to other people. So her image for a long time will not dissipate. Ask relatives and family friends about your mother. Their stories will make your memories more alive and colorful. Remember that it is impossible to remember everything down to the smallest detail, so don't beat yourself up if you forgot something.

Regular and good sleep It will help you cope with stress and understand how to survive the death of your mother. Set aside 7-8 hours a day for it. So you will not overwork and will be able to adequately assess your condition. Don't forget to take care of yourself - try to look normal, but don't be too hard on yourself. If grief has consumed you so much that it has come complete apathy allow yourself to forget about everything for a short time. As soon as you feel the strength in yourself, try to restore the usual daily routine. Some things in it may remind you of your mother. Make a to-do list in such a way that in moments of acute anguish you will be in the company of people who can provide support.

avoid loneliness

Be sure to tell your friend about your feelings. At some point, you will want to hide from the whole world and just be silent, but it is in such a situation that communication with a loved one is necessary. Do not demand too much from him, because he may not know what to answer or how to console you. If a person does not understand you, do not move away from him, but simply speak out. Over time, you will become comfortable communicating, and this will greatly ease the state of grief. Don't go to parties or birthdays if you feel uncomfortable doing so. The atmosphere of the holiday may seem inappropriate and even offensive to you. Communicate with close relatives, the loss shocked them too. If the other parent is near you, give Special attention to him. Together, it will be easier for you to survive grief.

Find spiritual and psychological support

Don't be discouraged if you're having a hard time and can't handle your grief on your own. In this case, contact an outsider who will provide psychological or spiritual support. At psychoanalysis sessions, a specialist will help you understand yourself and return to normal life. The advice of a psychologist will give impetus to combat the oppressed state. It may happen that the sessions will be held regularly for several months or years. Remember - the main thing is that you feel comfortable.

If you are a believer, then turn to the church, talk to the priest. Many who have lost loved one, order magpie for the deceased. The atmosphere of the temple will help you gather your thoughts and strengthen your spirit. In addition, you will be able to communicate with parishioners who will be able to support in this difficult life situation. You can visit a psychologist and church at the same time.

Change your usual life

As soon as you feel the strength to move on, change the usual daily routine. If you haven't left your house before, go to a cafe. Change the place where you constantly walk, shop in another supermarket. Any little thing can remind you that mom is no longer around, so try to keep yourself busy for the whole day with routine things - it's very distracting. Find a new hobby: positive emotions from unfamiliar hobbies is one way to deal with depression. Get a pet: a dog, a cat, or at least a parrot. In addition to the fact that you will be forced to radically change your schedule, you will also begin to take care of the animal. It also helps to integrate into a new rhythm of life.

It takes a lot of effort to get over the death of your mother. At first it will be very difficult to do something on your own, friends and relatives will help with this. Follow the advice of psychologists and loved ones, and then it will be easier for you to pull yourself together and continue a full life. Communication is an essential part of dealing with depression. Visit thematic forums where people share their stories and give support to each other. There you will not only speak out, but also find a new circle of friends.

I can't come to terms with my mom's death. and don't want

Psychologist, gentle therapy skype

Almaty (Kazakhstan)

Psychologist, Skype Online

Good afternoon everyone. My mother was a very sociable kind person, a doctor by training. But oncology was merciless. Mom fought for 15 years until cancer ate almost all her organs. I saw her pain and how she steadfastly endured everything and raised 3 children alone. On day X, she fell and was taken to the intensive care unit. I don’t even want to remember the inaction of doctors. Mom passed away overnight. I lost her forever at the age of 26. Words cannot express how the world was divided before and after. It was aggravated by the fact that no one morally supported. Husband lasted a month. Now I want to beautifully equip the grave and that's it. Then what is the meaning of life? Why kind people suffer and quickly die?

Condolences to your loss ((I myself lost my mother very early, the impression is that I still have not experienced it. It takes time to survive this grief. You will find your meaning. Maybe in passing her love for you further - to your children.

“You really become yourself the day you lose your parents.”

Henri de Monterland

How to deal with the death of a mother? Talking about the death of someone close is always difficult. Especially if we are talking about the native person. It is impossible to come to terms with such a loss. Mom is support, understanding, care, forgiveness, love. There are no such people in the world, and there never will be. But you must continue to live.

The first step is to realize that each of us in certain moment buries his parents. This is the natural course of things. And although no advice will reduce the pain of loss, it is important to read the opinion of psychologists on this matter. You must know how to build your life further, what to rely on, where to find an outlet, how to let go.

How to deal with loss?

Regardless of age, the death of a mother always makes you feel like a small child again, abandoned, left forever. He is horrified by what happened, does not understand what to do next. Getting rid of this feeling is not easy.

Learn the secret intimate relationships that will bring real passion to your relationship! The famous TV presenter and just a bright woman tells.

You need to make every effort to come to terms with reality - mom is no more. Now mom (or dad) is you. Future or present, it doesn't matter. You have already matured, and what happened was inevitable. Sooner or later your mother would have died. Of course, you wanted her to stay with you longer, be happier, not suffer, etc. Most likely, you did not have time to say goodbye properly, did not say or did not do the main thing. You feel guilty. Maybe that's what pisses you off the most?

In fact, when suffering from the loss of a mother, a person is overcome by self-pity. He thinks: “I feel so bad that I won’t see her anymore, won’t hug, won’t talk”, “no one else will love me like my mother”, “I was deprived of the most important support, support, understanding”. Yes this is true. But it is not right to dwell on these thoughts all the time.

It is necessary to direct all the pain in a creative direction. You can get really close with your kids. To give love to the remaining living relatives. start writing beautiful poems(or do something else). Of course, it won't bring Mom back. But it will help to establish peace in the soul.

The opinion of psychologists

Psychologists say that after the death of parents, a person suffers greatly for about a year. Then emotions subside, and interest in life gradually returns.

In order for the pain to really subside, it is important to go through all the stages of “mourning”:

1. Shock state (1-3 days). The announcement of the death of the mother at first introduces into a stupor. Man denies reality. It seems that this is a mistake, a bad dream, etc. He has to confirm the fact of death again and again. Some don't get out of this state long years and even for the rest of your life. For example, a daughter leaves all things to her mother, hoping that someday they will be useful to her again.
2. Sobs (1-9 days of death). During this period, a person is overcome by the most powerful emotions, he feels pain, despair, cries a lot and strongly. Periods of sobbing are replaced by complete physical and emotional exhaustion. Especially often this is observed immediately after the funeral.
3. Depression (on the 40th day). Relatives and friends return to former life. Support is getting smaller. There is an acute feeling of emptiness, strong melancholy, anger rolls.
4. Mourning (up to a year). Emotions subside. Acute pain appears only occasionally. A person realizes his loss, spends a lot of time on memories, carefully sorting through them, trying to talk to someone. When sadness rolls in, she cries.
5. Anniversary. An important moment when all relatives gather again. It is customary to celebrate this day with a commemoration, commemoration, prayer, a trip to the cemetery. Such a ritual should help to finally say goodbye and let go of the mother. Not necessarily on the same day. Mourning can last up to 1.5 years. Further, unless there is a jam, the daughter or son returns to everyday life. At times they feel all the same emotions, but general state remains satisfactory.

Important. Nature has laid down a natural mechanism for living grief. Interfering with it or neglecting it is fraught with consequences. A person can get stuck at a certain stage, which means sinking into a long-term depression. No wonder our ancestors invited professional mourners to the funeral. They helped me get in the right mood. Therefore, at first, you need to move away from all important matters, take a vacation, send your children to visit in order to cry enough. At the same time, it is categorically not recommended to suppress experiences with alcohol, sleeping pills or sedatives.

Dealing with the death of a mother is very difficult. Doubly hard to do it alone. That is why we have collected advice from those who have coped with such grief. Perhaps they will be useful for you too:

1. Speak out your grief, do not withdraw into yourself. From the outside it may seem that people are avoiding you, but this is not so. They simply do not know what to answer you, how to support, so as not to aggravate the pain of loss. So just start the conversation with the phrase: "I need to talk now, please stay by my side and listen to me." Try to find a person who has already experienced the death of a loved one, or talk about this topic with a priest, a professional psychologist.
2. Get creative. The pain that has accumulated inside you must find a way out. It is impossible to express or cry out all of it. But you can express it in your work. Try painting or beadwork. You can also start writing a book or poetry. Choose any art that is close to you in spirit.
3. Start helping others. Caring for others makes you feel needed. It returns from heavy thoughts to reality, fills life with new meaning. You can take care of lonely old people, animals, children left without parents.
4. Occupational therapy. Physical work, especially in nature, helps to distract from dark thoughts. You can plant a beautiful garden, start building a house, etc.
5. Think of your mother only in in a positive way. Try to remember only the good things, how mom was happy, was happy, what she was proud of, where she went and what she saw. You can even do it cherished desire. For example, visit an exotic country, attend a concert of your favorite star, visit friends of your youth.

Author's advice. Often, the intense pain of loss is associated with understatement. You did not have time to tell your mother how much you love her, ask for forgiveness, thank you. To get rid of these thoughts, start writing letters. After writing, immediately burn them. You will definitely feel better!

It takes time to get over the death of a mother and let go. Of course, you will never be able to completely forget about your loss. But the day will surely come when you think not “what a pity that mom left”, but “what a blessing that she was”!

Arina, Petrozavodsk

Psychologist's comment:

(A psychologist's commentary on this article is not yet available.)

Forum

How to deal with the death of a mother. how to deal with pain.

I don't even know where to start. The thing is, I'm really, really bad. Especially at night, I don't know what to do. My mother died 1.5 years ago. To say it was a shock is an understatement. I still can't believe it. They say the pain goes away after 6 months. But it's not. Yes, it has become less sharp, but what a dull, aching chest pain. I miss you terribly, I'm constantly looking at photos. I want to return old time, but it doesn't work. My mother was not only a mother to me, but also a sister, friend, father. My mother raised me alone, my father left when I was 4 years old. Constantly with my mother, that's who you could talk to on different topics, that's who will give advice and support in Hard time. How it all happened, how it happened that my mother was gone, just does not fit in my head. Everything is so fast. For three months she was gone, literally "burned out" from the disease, I saw that my mother was getting worse and worse, as we did not run around so many doctors, as soon as we were not treated. But it didn't help. Every day I saw that she was getting further and further away from me. Then they had an operation, I dangled under the windows of the hospital all night. After 15 days, she was gone. Farewell, funeral, the first days without her - everything is in a fog, but I remember all the details, little things. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I just had to go to university, and here it is. I ended up failing my exams. Every day I went to the cemetery to my mother, talked to her, came home and immediately went to sleep so that I could see my mother in a dream. Then she began to move away a little, but she did it anyway. 5 months have passed. And I began to be disturbed by nightmares, something seemed to me, it seemed, voices were heard. Slept at night with the lights on. I thought I'd go crazy. I went to church, prayed for my mother's peace. But the nightmares haunted. I just close my eyes and see my mother there, underground, in an ugly form, or I saw a funeral in a dream, crosses, vampires. I thought I'd go crazy. But then it stopped, as suddenly as it started. How I lived a year without her, even I myself wonder where the forces came from, is also not clear. Because When I started studying, I had to communicate with classmates, teachers, but I couldn’t see people. As soon as I see that someone laughs, smiles, rejoices, I was immediately "thrown" into a rage. Although I myself understood that people have their own lives, their own misfortunes and joys. But this is how she reacted. Close girlfriend, with whom we communicated for a long time, betrayed me immediately. She argued that I was constantly sad, sad. In general, it is difficult to communicate with me like that. A friend also did the same, found a more fun and no problem. Therefore, it was very difficult for me to communicate with people, they constantly asked why I was like that. If I told this, then they began to feel sorry for me. And that irritated me a lot.

Now I seem to have begun to communicate, I just overcame myself. I began to go to parties, changed my wardrobe, forcibly forced myself to communicate with people. My grandmother also helped, both helped each other. On the outside, everything seemed to be back to normal. With my grandmother, I don’t cry, I’m cheerful. But I feel that it's hard for me to communicate with people. I got older or something. They can't understand me, but I can't understand my peers. I mean the team where I study. Everything is easy for them, easily, but I, as it were, have become more practical. For me they are children. And at night, longing gnaws at me, aching pain. This is how I live.

I apologize for the confusion. I had to speak up. If someone had the same situation, who lost loved ones, please tell us how you overcame it, what you did. I will accept all advice, and criticism too.

How to deal with death

For some reason, in society, it is either customary to avoid talking about death, or they consider this topic nowhere inappropriate and unpleasant. The topic of death is bypassed and some even cross themselves whenever the conversation concerns rituals or the dead. Why is this happening? Why do we have such fear in the face of death? For most people, death is the worst thing that can happen on our planet. Even from childhood, we are afraid of death. As children, we are afraid to tell the truth that our beloved pet did not leave and did not evaporate, but died.

Still, to be afraid of death is a wrong attitude. If you look, then death is not something in a black robe and with a scythe. Death is just a process. physiological process. Another thing is whether this process occurs naturally or not. Then the conclusion is asked that it is not death itself that is worth fearing, but how it will overtake us. But after all, we are people and we are not immortal, therefore it is also wrong to live in fear all our lives, because sooner or later death will find everyone and we are all equal before it!

In fact, we are afraid of the unknown. What will happen next after death. Will I feel pain? Will I go to some other realm? What if heaven and hell really exist? What if I go to hell? All these questions scare us.

However, when someone close to us dies, we think of something completely different. We hurt. We cannot let go of a person and his soul. We are attached to him and we cannot imagine that he was only yesterday, and now we need to live without him. We are passing different stages. There is even a stage when you want to "leave" after your loved one, who died. And at such times it is very important that someone was near. Usually, moralizing and various abstruse phrases from the cinema do not help when a person has such grief. You just need to let this person know that he is not alone. Make it clear that his life goes on, but it is better not to say this phrase to him. Indeed, at the moment of such anguish, he most likely will not even hear the meaning in it.

When a dear and beloved person dies, we become discouraged. We cannot accept the fact that death takes the best and most important people to us. We cannot accept death itself. We hate death! We blame her for everything! But who - her? After all, it's not a person. It is something intangible. Why blame anyone at all? Also, blame what is inherently natural.

Strange, but we know, always know and realize that people die. We can even be indifferent to the news of the death of some strangers, because it natural process, to which we are all accustomed, but when a loved one dies, we seem to learn for the first time that life is not endless. As if time stops and comes the realization of one's own helplessness and the transience of time. We begin to understand that everyone "leaves" and someday we will have to "leave" ourselves.

How do you come to terms with the death of a loved one?

How to come to terms with the death of a person in general? Is it possible to come to terms with this? This is bigger rhetorical questions, because you can’t just work out a certain algorithm of “resignation to death”. You can’t just open the manual, read it and accept it.

We all know one simple phrase: "time cures". In fact, of course, it does not heal and leaves scars in the form of memory. It is not able to completely heal the pain of loss, but it gradually helps to find that very humility! We live every day and get used to doing it without a loved one who has already gone to another world. We do not resign ourselves to death itself. We find strength in ourselves and get used to living without this person.

How to deal with the death of a husband or wife.

Sooner or later there will come a time when you want to live on full life. You need to mourn your soul mate and move on! There is even in religions, and simply in traditions, such a rule that a widowed person needs to mourn for a year and mourn his spouse. And then, time. Over time, awareness will come, such a sobering awareness of reality and the need to live, and not exist in mourning and despondency.

How to come to terms with the death of a mother or father.

This is a very long process. Humility comes with time, but the residue remains forever. You just need to learn to live with this sediment. It is impossible to come to terms with death, but once you come to terms with the fact that your mother or your father has died.

With this, you can learn to live and even sometimes feel complete, but mother and father will always be the closest people in the world, so they will always be missed. The thought of not having a mom or dad will always hurt. With this pain, however, you can live fully. Just taking it for granted.

How to deal with the death of a loved one.

Believers are saved from despondency and unbearable grief in the church. They are in constant prayer. No, it will not help to come to terms with death, but it will definitely ease the mental pain. Faith generally helps not to fall into despondency, because despondency itself is a sin. And religion gives a lot of hope. Every Christian, for example, knows that the soul lives forever, and when a person dies, there is no need to grieve for a long time, because the soul has gone to better world and you just need to accept that a person is not around. But he is where he is good! A believer knows that death occurs when it is pleasing to God and means that his time has come!

Kindness will help ease the burden of the soul. That is, doing good to others. You can help those in need and feel grace from the fact that grief gives rise to something good and new, and does not take you into the world of shadows and depression. You need to direct all your energy for the better. Let death give birth to life and goodness!

You can relieve yourself of suffering by doing something you love. Or, for example, to do some business that a now deceased person close to you wanted to do during his lifetime. Perhaps you wanted to do something together, but did not have time. It will become much easier for you if you find the strength in yourself and bring this matter to the end or even start! You can be sure that the soul of your loved one will rejoice! And this will make it easier for you!

We think too much about death, although at the same time we easily waste our time on some nonsense, on some useless things. Often we know that we could do something good, but laziness prevails over us. Sometimes we don't find time for our loved ones. We rarely tell them what we feel. We rarely hug, rarely let them love us. And most importantly, we do not always appreciate what they do for us. We are not always honest with them and more often closed to them. And we begin to appreciate only after we lose.

Probably, every person once experienced or will experience the feeling when his loved one "leaves". And it's very important point. After all, then you begin to look at life differently. In this world, everything is so interconnected and everything is not just like that. All sorrows are given to us so that we learn to appreciate life and what we have. No matter how painful it is from losses, namely, they are the most important lessons of humanity. And even children should tell the truth right away. The truth that their grandfather or grandmother, cat or hamster died, and not, for example, turned into a bird and flew away. Then the child will have the opportunity to mourn a loved one with you and in the way it is needed. Without lies. It is necessary to instill from childhood the understanding that life is not eternal, that it is one and must be appreciated. And there is nothing wrong with a child understanding what loss is. The most important thing is how to present it. Well, it’s better to present it right away, because the child already feels that something is wrong and let him better immediately understand what happened than illusions will be built around him in order to preserve the imaginary cloudless children’s world.

No need to try to come to terms with death. You just need to realize that this is not something bad or good. It just is, like life! And everything has its time. And we just have to appreciate each other, respect and help! And, of course, not to "burn through" your life, but try to bring as much as possible more benefit try to enjoy life itself and what is given to us more.

How to come to terms with the death of your mother and how not to become a hostage to memories?

I’ll tell you from my own experience, you can put up with it, but the memories will remain forever and you will always think in any situation what she would choose now and how she acted. Live on, enjoy life, achieve success. It helps to think that she is next to and watching our lives. He rejoices when everything is good and worries when everything is bad. I myself am a mother of two children, but I really lack maternal care and love. Get the most out of your life - family, work or school, hobbies, helping orphanages - anything to fill the void. Remove all photos of mom from a prominent place, away in the album. Things, if possible, too.

8 years ago, my mother died in an accident. At first, I thought that my thoughts and memories would "go crazy." But on reflection, I came to the conclusion that this could not continue. I decided that the best thing I can do is fix what I was once guilty or wrong about my mother. my drunkenness), my mother is not alive and I just can’t ask for forgiveness for something done wrong or said? - so I began to take care and help lonely old women who have no one and sometimes they don’t even have anyone to talk to, let alone help .I began to go to church. This is how I learned to manage my memories and do what my mother would be happy with in life. So I think my memory of her will be better preserved.

How to deal with the death of a mother?

Mother. Her love was unconditional. Everyone, consciously or not, rejected it aside in order to gain independence, is now forgiven forever. How to cope with the loss of a mother? Death comes to every family on this Earth. It is not merciful, it is a natural consequence of life. But, there is something indescribably personal when famous event, happens in the Universe with you. There is pain that has no end. There is no plan or map to guide the sad man further.

Yes, it is painful to become an “adult orphan”. But death is a spiritual practice. It must be realized, passed through the mental, emotional and physical way. It's over. Mom left. It is beyond imagination, but now, her being is free from tension and pain, it is independent.

The other side of sadness

The best remedy for moral healing is the lesson in "transferring life." The loss of the main human connection with the death of a mother is accompanied by numerous emotions. Numbness, confusion, fear, guilt, relief and anger are just some of the feelings.

Grief from the loss of a mother of gratuitous happiness affects the psyche in a unique and different way. Mom has finished her time on this planet. A new phase of existence begins. Thinking about mom's death won't go away for long as life goes on.

The other side of the mother's death is the comprehension of the present moment as the last. Mom's death is closer than ever. You can't stop living until you die. It is necessary to accept the death meaningfully, to experience it in own pace. Mourning - open expression avalanches of emotions and an integral part of healing. There is no magic secret to recovery, be sad while accepting the pain.

The feeling of overtaken relief does not mean dislike. Understanding the end of suffering from the death of a mother, a natural continuation of love. It's normal to feel relieved for a number of reasons. Whatever the reason, it's normal. Examining the source of anger will lead to coming to terms with it. Feelings of guilt and regret, a common reaction to the death of my mother. Do not judge, do not try to suppress painful thoughts. Every time you can find someone who will listen.

When there are siblings, the death of a parent affects them differently. Each had their own unique relationship and mourn the loss in their own way, their right. Perhaps grief will bring you closer to each other. If so, welcome to such a gift.

Towards chaos

Loss and sadness overshadow clear thinking, energy. The most compassionate action towards yourself is to accept a helping hand. You need to relax, follow a pleasant diet, make a “bright” schedule for the day. Afford small dose sadness, not reacting to what happened every minute. Yes, you must mourn, but you must also live. Maybe it's time to get a pet? It's hard to live alone with sadness, you need someone. Cat or dog - someone. The dog is more of a concern though... They become best friends. Pets bring great joy.

Embrace spirituality. Perhaps there is faith in the heart, be around people who understand and support your beliefs. Angry at God because your mom died? This feeling is nothing more than work on grief. spiritual mentor, like no one will help healing better, he will not condemn, he will only listen. You need to carefully go through the stages of grief that arise. Communication will throw sad notes out of the head, leaving only living moments.

isolation in oneself unhealthy way. Surging emotions, like ebb and flow, running with the moon. Life goes into slow pace. As if you are inside a bubble from which you can see the changed world. Outside - noise, inside silence and muffled sounds. Memories, and the bubble bursts, a cacophony of sadness invades the head. Isolation is a retreat that prevents you from living in real time.

Look for meaning. Why is mom dead now? What happens after death? Explore the search for the meaning of life, there is an answer to the death of a parent. Probably not definitive, the important thing is that questions have arisen about it. Death brings light, going beyond the material. Frankly - everyone dies happy, apart from everything else, it's just science. Time helps but cannot cure. Time can make the sharp and burning pain of loss less intense, and red-hot emotions less painful. But the feeling of emptiness, it will not fill.

To move towards grief means to be healed. Love life again. The wound will not heal without expressing sorrow. Grief is a process, not an event. It changes lives forever.

A person cannot be replaced, but peace in the soul can be found by recognizing the scale of the loss.

Justifying death, you go on a journey through a revolving door. The path is endless. When despair strikes, direct your thoughts to other people experiencing the same. Reappraisal of sadness from a different point of view will lead one step towards reconciliation.

Happy people are those who appreciate what they have, they don't get upset about what they lack. Control over emotions and actions, the first step towards overcoming obstacles. You can't change what's unchanged, you can react differently.

Equilibrium

Consider the connection between mind and body. deal with acute stress loss of mom, you can take care of physical health. Take advantage medical examination, make sure that grief does not affect negatively. Stay alert, eat well, get enough rest, and do basic exercise. Body and mind find balance. Grief is a physical thing, it is a dagger in the heart. Feelings move up and down in unpredictable ways. Sadness has no schedule. Forward movement will appear as soon as possible.

Other stories of dealing with grief will help you find your own path. People find solace in different things. Walk or hot bath, yoga or soothing activity. What matters is not what exactly, but the process itself. Songs and fragrances that give a comfortable state in general. In a moment, there will be a reason to smile. Honor your mother and her love with a smile. She would not want to see a child paralyzed with grief. Find joy again. Try something completely new. Break the routine. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live the life your mom wanted. Take care of life. Be a little more gentle with yourself than usual.

Can't deal with my mom's death

alena, age: 18 / 06/03/2012

if she knew about it. In general, it would

it's good for you to find those people whom you can

trust. And don't just trust, find friends, don't

fake ones, but real ones that you can go with

even to the end of the world. And more. try to jump

with a parachute. You probably won't be afraid to live

You still do not want, but this very life

Stanislavsky. , age: 15 / 06/03/2012

I will share with you my story. My father was

56 years old when he committed suicide. We have in

the family did not have any quarrels and scandals,

There were no financial problems either. He's just all

life helped people and when the moment came when

he became useless to anyone except his family, he

lost meaning in life. He left his mother

wife, two adult children, grandchildren. But its not

stopped. The moment he took

decision to die, he felt sorry only for himself and not

took pity on his family. He meant a lot to

our family and we had to learn to live without

him. The banal phrase "time heals" many

seems absurd, but nevertheless it has

meaning. The main thing is not to give up and want to live

have just begun to live and ahead of you may be

there are many more pleasant and happy moments.

I think that your mother wished you only happiness and

I wanted you to be happy in life.

Try to fulfill her wish. Good luck to you!

And GOD help you. If you want to talk

Mikhail, age: 31/06/03/2012

In this life, you can help your mother by doing good deeds in memory of her, praying for her.

Rusik, age: 06/22/2012

Don't even think about it! A year ago, I also lost my mother! But time heals and you need to continue to live! Meet a guy, find friends, some hobby and everything will be fine!

Anna, age: 23/04/06/2012

Alain, since you love your mother so much, do you want to be with her? If you commit suicide, you will never be with her, your souls will be in different places. You will upset and upset your mother with this, because. she sees everything and worries about you. Therefore, it is better to pray for her, do good deeds in her memory, and when the time comes, you will meet with her.

Nika, age: 06/29/2012

You just write like that three times already tried. The Lord protects you and thank him for this. You don’t want to live, you just don’t know how to live alone, this is a big difference. it state will pass when you come to terms with your mom's death. a person is not eternal, because sometimes death frees a person from torment that no one could ease. You just have to live knowing that your mother sees you and prays for you. He is waiting for your prayer, our prayer for the deceased is the best memorial to him. Pray means love and remember. And if you didn’t have time to tell her something, then write a letter, and believe that it will “reach”, even if it remains lying in the desk drawer. Remember whether you have always been an impeccable daughter, I doubt it, but if so, then the meaning of your life was somewhat different. We appreciate what we have lost, I lost my mother at the age of 28, and only after 40 years did I begin to understand what had happened. Now I am as old as she was when she died, and only now I understand how many kind words we did not say to each other. If you focus on it, then things will not work. May your worthy life will be a gift for your mother, God is all alive. I had a girl next door, a week before she came of age, her mother died, and she learned to do laundry, cook soup, wash dishes, and appreciate her mother. She told me about this more than once that she was capricious with her mother, and now there is no one to show whims to anyone. Pray to the Mother of God, now she is your helper and intercessor. My mother was seven years old in 1945, she was left an orphan. The war had just ended, she ended up in Kazakhstan, a German, the daughter of an enemy of the people. She had an orphanage behind her, from the age of 16 she worked in a mine underground, then she raised me alone, until she was 12 and only at 35 did she begin to She got married, and the marriage was not very successful, although outwardly everything was decent. You must be very attentive to who you communicate with, how you live, and everything else will be yours. So Alyonushka live, do not be discouraged, you just started adulthood a little earlier than others. Help of God

Olga, age: 51 / 06/04/2012

Even if it is very difficult, painful and lonely, you still cannot deprive yourself of life. We will all die in time. These are the laws of our Being. But the souls of suicides do not inherit the Kingdom of God. They go to hell. And then nothing can be fixed, even with prayers. Tests in this life are sent to each person according to his strength. Every day a struggle, every day a choice. Pray to God. He gives strength to overcome everything and overcome any trials. If you suddenly feel like committing suicide again, write here as much as you want, BUT DON'T GIVE UP. Let's fight depression together.

Even through your pain and despair, help your neighbors. Keep on suffering and praying. Suffering humbles, purifies and enlightens us. Be sure to pray for your mother, give alms for her. The Lord will not leave you and will always help you.

Sergey K, age: 06/29/2012

Alena, you can't commit suicide. it grave sin. After him a man

goes to hell. In hell, the torment is much worse than any, even the most difficult,

torment on earth. AT literally this word. You cannot take your own life.

Only God can take a person's life. The God who gave him this life. Sin

suicide is not forgiven a person, because after it a person can no longer

confess. Repentance is possible only while a person is alive. There is no repentance after death.

Happiness to a person if his suicide attempt failed and he survived. He

can repent, ask the Creator for forgiveness, go to Confession in the church.

God will forgive sin. But if a person, having committed suicide, dies, then he goes to hell.

Do not commit this gravest sin. Ask God to give you the strength to live, ask that

How to let go of a dead person and come to terms with his death?

November is a month of nostalgia and sadness. The world around us loses color and slowly falls into a dead sleep. It is probably no coincidence that at the beginning of November there are religious-sacred days of commemoration of the dead and memories of people whom we knew, loved ... and still love. However, at the same time, this is an occasion to reflect on our attitude towards parting. After all, leaving this life is destined for everyone.

It cannot be avoided. In November, for many of us, with particular acuteness, the thought that everyone will step over the threshold that connects this world with that one is comprehended with particular acuteness. It is worth thinking about how we think about death, how much this understanding and awareness supports us. If not, can we change it to a mindset that can evoke more positive than negative feelings. Why do you need to do this at all? Here is what experts say about this - the so-called life coaches.

How to Let a Person Go: The Power of Healing Acceptance

Within the framework of the modern science of neurobiology, quantum physics and medicine, many interesting discoveries have recently been made that can be considered in the context of positive psychology. Many of the theories already proven explain the processes we trigger with our thoughts and feelings. We influence them both on ourselves and on everything around. Therefore, it is worth being aware and being careful with what and how we think.

Breakups and loss are certainly among the situations that cause us the most pain. Sometimes so deep that it is difficult to describe it in any words. How to come to terms with the death of a loved one, how to let go of a person from thoughts and hearts - no matter what psychologists advise, it seems that there can be no answer to these questions at all. Moreover, many do not look for it, because they plunge into grief, which has a high chance of turning into depression. And it makes people lose their desire for life and plunge into despair for a very long time.

It happens that after the death of a loved one, peace of mind is never fully restored to someone. Is it an expression of love? Or maybe this state of affairs stems from fear and dependence on someone's presence and closeness?

If we accept life as it is and accept its terms, the rules of the game (and death is one of them), then we must be ready to let go of the one we love. Love is our preference, not addiction. And not "ownership". If we love, then, of course, we feel sadness, regret and even despair after the final break with a loved one. Moreover, this does not necessarily apply to his departure from life, because the question of how to let go of a loved one from thoughts, from the soul, people ask in other, less tragic situations. But there is (at least should be) something else in us - the acceptance of the fact that this person has left our life and the acceptance of all the negative feelings associated with this. Therefore, they eventually pass, leaving a feeling of peace and gratitude for the fact that we once met and were together.

But if our life is dominated by a position based on control and generated by fear, then we cannot put up with death, we cannot let go of loss. Yes, it seems that we suffer - we cry and feel unhappy - but at the same time, paradoxically, we do not allow true feelings to come to us! We stop at their surface, afraid that they will swallow us. Then we do not give ourselves a chance for true experiences and may seek help in some kind of forced activity or drugs, alcohol. And in this way we contribute to the prolongation of the state of despair, bringing it to the deepest depression. Therefore, there is no need to run away from yourself, from your real feelings, to seek salvation from them - you need to accept their existence and allow yourself to experience them.

Think with love

According to physicist Dr. Ben Jonson, a person generates different frequencies of energy with his thoughts. We cannot see them, but we feel their pronounced influence on our well-being. It is known that positive and negative thoughts differ fundamentally. Positive, that is, associated with love, joy, gratitude, are highly charged with the energy of life and act very favorably on us. In turn, negative thoughts vibrate at low frequencies that lower our vitality.

In the course of research, it was found that the most creative, vital and healthy electromagnetic field generates thoughts related to love, care and tenderness. So if you deepen your state by drawing black scenarios like “I can’t cope”, “My life will now be lonely and hopeless”, “I will always be alone / alone”, then you will significantly reduce your vitality.

Of course, when a person is tormented by the question of how to come to terms with the death of loved ones, how to let go of a dead person who is always in his thoughts, in his heart, in his soul, he somehow does not have time to think about himself, about his well-being. However, there is a problem. After some time, it suddenly turns out that life, which has stopped for a suffering person, for some reason does not want to stop in external manifestations. In other words, a person still has to go to work and do something there, earn money for a living, feed children and take them to school ... For some time they will show indulgence, but this cannot last too long. And if a person is absolutely indifferent to his well-being, then there may come a moment when he will not be able to do what no one can help him with. Even an ordinary everyday problem can be an overwhelming task for him. He will understand that he needs to pull himself together, but shaky health will be a very big obstacle on this path.

No one calls for driving away thoughts from loss, but when the stage of acute grief is experienced, it is time to change the emphasis in these thoughts.

Thinking about those who left with love, remembering happy moments, a person strengthens himself, and in some cases simply saves himself.

How to say goodbye to a loved one? How to let him go and not interfere with his affection?

Here is an exercise related to the practice of so-called integrated presence. It is believed that it makes a person closer to himself and to his feelings.

1. When you acutely feel sadness and despair, fear, confusion, a sense of loss, sit down, close your eyes and begin to breathe deeply.
2. Feel the air fill your lungs. Do not take long breaks between inhalations and exhalations. Try to breathe smoothly.
3. Try to breathe your feelings - as if they are hanging in the air. If you feel sadness, imagine that you are taking in her lungs, that she is fully present in you.
4. Then look for the place in your body where you feel your emotions the most. Breathe on.

The feelings you give space to are integrated. Then sadness will turn into gratitude for the fact that you had the opportunity to be, to live with a loved one. You will be able to remember his character, actions and general experiences with a smile and genuine, authentic joy. Repeat this exercise as often as possible - and suddenly you will feel strength in yourself. Sadness will turn into peace, and the question of how to let go of a loved one in such a way as to give him and yourself peace, how to find the strength to come to terms with his departure, will no longer be so acute.

Astrologers say: Scorpio is the king of death

The Scorpio archetype brings us closer to this topic, taking us through all the deaths that a person experiences while in the body. Scorpio loves to kill in a broad sense - to help the old, already outdated, go away, giving way to the new. What must die? According to Scorpios, these are mostly "rotten" compromises, including with ourselves, when we deny our true feelings and desires. Scorpio teaches you to clearly say “yes” or “no” in order to live truly, fully

Phoenix is ​​reborn only from the ashes. What happens to him before his wings open again? He purifies himself in the fire of suffering. Life, according to Scorpio, is purgatory. We won't be able to taste bright pleasures, we won't rise to the heights of bliss before we know what pain tastes like. Thanks to her, looking into her eyes, we start all over again. Scorpions are associated with a snake, a symbol of transformation, as well as an eagle soaring high in the sky - already changed, already healed, with already more earthly feelings ...

How to deal with the death of your mother. How to deal with it?

It is very difficult, no one will help you.

Live in her memory. Unfortunately, everyone has their own destiny and it is impossible to conclude a contract with the Lord. You can't put up with it either - it hurts a lot. Every person is destined to rejoice and cry --- and everyone goes through this.

Try not to withdraw into yourself, only close people and communication with them are able to relieve this pain at least for a while.

Be in public more, do not create emptiness around you. To make the pain not so acute, you have to be constantly busy.

You just need to learn to live again.

You need to understand that life has not ended, that you HAVE to live on, that there will be something good in life. lots of good stuff!! ! Time heals everything.

Be the way your mother wanted you to be --- be happy.

Please do not give a name. Hello Yana! Thank you for your creativity and inspiration. I just can’t forget your post, in which you calmly wrote that after death you allow your children and grandchildren to throw away all your things, because you understand that they simply won’t need them. I have a question - how did you manage to come to terms with the idea of ​​death?

I have never been drawn to suicide (so don’t send me to a psychologist). It's just very hard to come to terms with the idea that one far from perfect day we will lose everything that we work so hard for - money, relationships, everything that is dear to us - everything will go down the drain. Why then develop, teach foreign languages, work on relationships? We will all die, and all our knowledge, experience, everything that is dear to us will be lost. I understand that you have to work to maintain your pants. But why then somewhere to strive, to try, to develop? Any day we will be pulled out of this life, and everything will be wasted, unless you are a scientist who came up with a cool medicine. Thank you for the answer. you are very a wise man. How did you manage to achieve Buddhist calmness in this regard?

***
Great question! I really believe that everything has nothing at all more value. In the sense that life will continue after our death, people will manage without us. Everything we did will eventually turn to dust. And from everything that we have not done, no one will lose. It doesn't matter. everything important will probably be done for us - if not by us, then by others. Or no one will, and the world will not collapse either.

On the other hand, I do not think that my life is completely meaningless. While I'm here, I can do something good. Yes, it is absolutely not important in the future - all my books, paintings, spiritual impulses. But a lot of what I do at any particular moment in my life matters at that moment. Here's the truth - my child fell into a puddle, I picked him up, hugged him and comforted him - and that's enough. I do not expect from life that my every movement should go down in history as some kind of feat. For a second, the child had the feeling that he was not alone, he was welcome in this world, he was not indifferent to someone. He has people who love him, will give him a hand, and regret it. And maybe thanks to this moment, the next moments or years, he will live a little easier and more joyfully. Because something warms his soul, and something gives stability. Here I communicate with my family and friends, they were pleased to spend an hour with me - so we gave each other interesting hour life. Is this not enough? I made tea for a man, baked a cake - he was delighted - in my opinion an excellent contribution to the cycle of life. Even an unfamiliar woman who smiled at me on the street has already contributed to the fact that my world became brighter for one second.

But seriously, many of my relatives and friends died many years ago, and we still remember them. Let's remember what they taught us. It was some incident with them that had an impact on us. That's just a bright memory - here, he was so good, it was so fun to drink tea with him, it was so good to talk about the art of talking with him. So he explained well, do you really think that this is not enough? Just think about it! Ten years have passed! Indeed, we can say that everything has already turned into dust and ashes. And their photographs and pictures hang on someone's wall, they are remembered, they are missed. Someone looks like them, someone is proud that he went to him. Someone looks into the faces of their children and grandchildren, and sees familiar favorite features in them. Just think about it - there are billions of people in the world, and billions of events take place every day. In every second, everyone has a myriad of impressions, events, experiences. And in the midst of all this, even after years, for these people, someone has a memory, a kind word, or a whole evening of memories!
When I think about this, I have only one thought: what else can you want, being just a small person, one of billions? This is a lot. Highly. Every day you leave traces in this life - many traces. Now you will say something, do something, open your soul to someone. And then you die, and he will remember about you. Maybe he will be bored, and will say that it is a pity that you are no longer there. I think it's worth living for! Is not it so? :-)

In general - while you are here - make a little noise in life, leave a bright trace so that there is something to remember about you - some more or less significant trifles. Be happy, and people will remember you as a source of optimism and inspiration. Live well so that you have a lot of strength for a long time. Plenty enough not only to keep the minimum necessary functions, but also sometimes give something to others - even if it is only a smile or a kind word. And do not lay any extra expectations on all this - I don’t know what it is necessary to erect in this world, so that it would not be a pity to leave. Leaving now is no longer a pity! So many good things have already happened! There have already been so many! So many reasons to be grateful.

It seems to me that in order not to be sad that "everything is useless", we need to change our attitude to what we have and what is happening. Do you think that it only makes sense to leave some gigantic invention to humanity? You just good word from a neighbor - not enough? And it seems to me that I just drew something, posted it here, as many as five people smiled for a second - this is already cool! That's honest! I got great pleasure from the process, I solved some of my creative tasks in the course of work. She did what she wanted, and lived an hour of life happily. Because she was busy with everything. And then someone else noticed it! I really think it's a lot. Some strangers they saw and noticed, because they are subscribed to the stream of consciousness, which I throw out here every day. That's a lot of attention for one individual person. And if you come home and the child runs to you, happy that you have returned - this is also a lot. And if the cat runs - too. See how much you mean to someone! :-) How much attention is paid to you every day different people. How many emotions and deeds can you exchange with the world. It's all for nothing! :-)

And the fact that someone will forget you, you will disappear for someone - so you don’t have to die for this. You can already remember thousands of people who you met somewhere, and then they forgot about you forever. And you don't cry about it. For them, you are what you were, what you were not. You focus on those who love and remember you. And you won't be completely lost for them, don't worry.

AT modern society It is customary to avoid everything related to death. People who have experienced the death of a relative or friend try not to show their sadness. They get lost when children ask questions about the deceased. Tears and a long manifestation of grief are equated to a painful state. How to come to terms with the death of loved ones? This question worries almost everyone.

How can you help a bereaved person?

A person who has recently experienced grief finds himself in isolation. Friends begin to avoid him.

Communication with friends stops. It does not cause others positive emotions only brings discomfort. A person cries, and you have to console him, but it is not always possible to find the right words. Talking about a departed relative or friend seems superfluous. Conversations on extraneous topics seem inappropriate. A person may think that others are showing insensitivity. All these circumstances lead to the fact that friends and relatives try to leave a loved one alone so that he survives the loss on his own. How to come to terms with death? This question comes to the mind of many of those who understand that they themselves must help themselves cope with grief. After all, only strong people able to stay close in such a situation. It should be remembered that emotional condition After a loss has been experienced, it goes through several stages.

Stages of grief

They represent the steps, overcoming which, the individual acquires management skills. negative emotions. Everyone who asks the question of how to come to terms with death should know that this sadness has several stages:

Main goals

How do you come to terms with the death of a loved one? To overcome mental pain, it is necessary to go through several stages, which involve Active participation a relative or friend of the deceased in his life. These tasks were identified by the psychologist J. William Vorden. These include:

1. Recognition of loss. In order to get used to it, you need to give yourself time.
2. Experiencing feelings of grief.
3. Reorganization of the environment and environment.
4. Formation of a new perception of the deceased and continuation own life without him.

The active role of a person in the process of accepting grief does not mean that you need to rely only on your own strengths. If there are relatives or friends in the life of an individual who are ready to provide support, this circumstance helps to improve state of mind.

Loss of a child

This problem worth discussing separately.

Some parents soon after such a tragedy decide to have a new baby into the world without giving themselves time to accept the loss. This testifies to the denial of the irreversibility of the event. In such circumstances, mom and dad will subconsciously compare just born child with the recently deceased. So they won't be able to line up healthy relationships with a baby. Many people ask the question: “What should I do if I cannot come to terms with the death of a son or daughter?” The birth of another child soon after the loss of the previous one is not the best way out of this situation. Psychologists recommend that you first go through all the stages of loss, let yourself go through mental pain. Only then can you plan a new baby.

Mother's death

Such an event is very difficult. It doesn't matter how old the son or daughter is.

If attention is not paid to overcoming all stages of grief, the consequences of the tragedy will haunt a person throughout his life. How to deal with the death of your mother? - this question is asked by individuals different ages. Reviews recommend the following:

1. Gotta give yourself certain period time to get used to the situation. Gradually, a person needs to return to daily duties. After all, a mother would hardly want her son or daughter's life to stop with her death.
2. It is important to try to keep things and memories associated with a loved one. You can collect things, jewelry, photos in a box. Invite relatives and treat them to the food that mom loved, talk to them about her.
3. It is important to devote enough time to your health, good nutrition, rest and sleep.
4. Try to communicate with those who are able to provide support.
5. Try to distract yourself from sad thoughts. Walking, hobbies, housework will help with this.

Loss of a spouse

Relationships in marriage are often difficult. However, there is a special connection between husband and wife, because they experience both joyful and sad events together. They are engaged in raising common children, equipping life in their home. And when a beloved spouse passes away, his companion feels emptiness and hopelessness.

How do you deal with the death of your husband? This question worries all women who have experienced such a loss. Left alone, the wife begins to blame herself for the death of her beloved. She comes up with the idea that it was possible to change the course of events and prevent the tragedy. In the first days after the death of a husband, such a state is natural. But you need to move on to the next step. You have to learn to live without a spouse. To make plans for the future, you need to give yourself time for tears and sadness. Only after the woman expresses her feelings In a similar way she will feel lighter. Children, relatives and friends can help to survive the loss. They can be given warmth, love, care. Thus, a woman will be distracted from sad thoughts. Reviews are also advised to do charity work. It is important to find for yourself a favorite thing that brings pleasure (painting, needlework, writing poetry, caring for pets).

When is a specialist consultation needed?

The question of how to come to terms with the death of a person is very difficult. Not everyone manages to cope with this problem on their own.

Psychologists say that you need to be able to distinguish between experiencing stages of grief and manifestations of a depressive state. Pathology is characterized by the following symptoms:

1. Constant thoughts about the hopelessness of life.
2. Talk about death and suicide.
3. Denial of the loss of a loved one.
4. Uncontrolled seizures tears.
5. Lethargy.
6. Sudden weight loss.
7. Inability to solve everyday problems.

According to experts, a person with similar symptoms needs the help of a psychotherapist.

Conclusion

Many people around have a person who cannot come to terms with the death of a brother, sister, mother, father or other relative. Sometimes it's hard to find the right words to support loved ones in such a situation. The bereaved need time to cry and be alone. But that doesn't mean he doesn't need support.

Of course, you should not impose your presence. But a person should feel that relatives and friends are near him and are always ready to help.