Questions (answer in writing):
1. What active listening techniques can a teacher use in their work? Prove your point.
2.What key principles beliefs must be applied by the teacher in his work (select three main)? Explain why.
3. What strategy of behavior in a conflict situation do you consider the best? Explain your point of view.
4. What causes of pedagogical conflicts do you encounter most often in practice? (select three reasons and bring three examples)
5. What benefits does information about the conflict map give to the teacher? Why does the teacher need to know about the conflict map?
6.*(optional) Give an example of an intrapersonal conflict.
Empathy in communication, rules of listening.
empathy(Greek ἐν - "in" + Greek πάθος - "passion", "suffering") - conscious empathy the current emotional state of the other person, without losing the feeling external origin this experience.
Active listening (Empathic listening) - a technique used in the practice of socio-psychological training, psychological counseling and psychotherapy to better understand psychological states, feelings, thoughts of the interlocutor with the help of special methods of participation in the conversation, implying the active expression of one's own experiences and considerations.
Active listening techniques
There are the following methods of active listening:
Pause- it's just a pause. It gives the interlocutor the opportunity to think. After a pause, the interlocutor may say something else that he would have kept silent about without it. The pause also gives the listener himself the opportunity to step back from himself (his thoughts, assessments, feelings), and focus on the interlocutor. The ability to detach from oneself and switch to internal process interlocutor is one of the main and difficult conditions active listening, which creates trust between the interlocutors.
Clarification is a request for clarification or clarification of something that has been said. In ordinary communication, small understatements and inaccuracies are thought out by the interlocutors for each other. But when complex, emotionally significant topics interlocutors often involuntarily avoid explicitly raising sensitive issues. Clarification allows you to maintain an understanding of the feelings and thoughts of the interlocutor in such a situation.
Retelling (paraphrase)- this is an attempt by the listener to briefly and in his own words repeat what the interlocutor has just stated. At the same time, the listener should try to highlight and emphasize the main ideas and accents in his opinion. Retelling gives the interlocutor feedback, makes it possible to understand how his words sound from the outside. As a result, the interlocutor either receives confirmation that he was understood, or gets the opportunity to correct his words. In addition, retelling can be used as a way of summing up, including intermediate ones.
Development of thought- an attempt by the listener to pick up and advance further the course of the main thought of the interlocutor.
Perception message- the listener tells the interlocutor his impression of the interlocutor, formed in the course of communication. For example, "This topic is very important to you."
Self-perception message- the listener informs the interlocutor about changes in his own state as a result of the hearing. For example, "It hurts me to hear this."
Notes on the course of the conversation- the listener's attempt to communicate how, in his opinion, the conversation as a whole can be comprehended. For example, "Looks like we've reached common understanding Problems".
When reflecting feelings, the emphasis is not on the content of the message, but on the emotional state of the interlocutor. This distinction is not always easy to grasp, but it is of fundamental importance. Let's compare two phrases: "I feel offended" and "I think I'm offended."
Reflecting the feelings of the interlocutor, we must show him that we understand his condition: “I have a feeling that you are upset about something.” It is advisable to avoid categorical formulations such as: "I'm sure you're upset."
The intensity of the interlocutor’s feelings should also be taken into account: “You are a little upset!” (absolutely, very much, etc.).
by facial expression, gestures, intonation of the interlocutor;
according to him, reflecting feelings.
Rules empathic listening №1.
Show full interest in his problems. Emphasize this interest with facial expressions, gestures, exclamations, etc. Do not use biased assessments given to the child by strangers.
Show your affection for him with a smile.
When listening to a child, do not be distracted. Concentrate all your attention on it.
Let the child speak. Do not rush, give him time to speak freely.
Do not emphasize with your whole appearance that the child is difficult to listen to.
Do not give advice and evaluations without his request.
Look for the true meaning of the child's words. Remember that the spoken word is complemented by shades that appear in the change in tone and color of the voice, facial expressions, gestures, movements, tilts of the head and body.
Show the child that he was heard and understood the meaning of what was said.
Rules for Empathic Listening #2:
1) it is important to free the soul from one's own experiences and problems, to abandon prejudices regarding the interlocutor, to tune in to the perception of his feelings;
2) in your reaction to the partner’s words, it is necessary to accurately reflect his experience, feeling, to demonstrate not only them correct perception but understanding and acceptance;
3) reflection of the partner's feelings should be carried out without interpreting his actions and hidden motives of behavior that led to concrete action, you should not explain to him your opinion about the reasons for the emergence of this feeling in him;
4) you need to pause. After your answer, the interlocutor usually needs to be silent, think, understand each other's feelings. Do not rush to additional considerations, explanations.
In empathic listening, as a rule, they do not give advice, do not seek to evaluate the interlocutor, do not moralize, do not criticize, do not teach.
Conducting a conversation. Persuasion rules.
Skazhenik E.N. BUSINESS CONVERSATION Tutorial. Taganrog: TSURE Publishing House, 2006.
Rules of Persuasion
There is nothing more important than to win the listener over to the side of the speaker. After all, people judge much more often under the influence of spiritual movement than in accordance with the truth.
Cicero
1. The order of the arguments presented affects their persuasiveness. The following order of arguments is most convincing: strong - medium - one strongest.
2.To receive positive decision on a very important issue for you, put him in third place, giving him two short, simple ones for the interlocutor, on which he will easily say “yes” to you.
3. Do not drive the interlocutor into a corner. Give him a chance to save face. Do not belittle the status and image of the interlocutor.
4. The persuasiveness of arguments largely depends on the image and status of the persuasive.
5. Do not drive yourself into a corner, do not lower your status.
6. We are condescending to the arguments of a pleasant interlocutor, and critically to the arguments of an unpleasant one.
7.Wishing to convince the interlocutor, start not with the moments that separate you, but with what you agree with him.
8. Be an attentive listener.
9. Avoid conflicts. (Conflictogens are rudeness, threats, ridicule, peremptoryness, etc.)
10. Check if you understand each other correctly?
Conflicts. ways out of them. Behavior correction.
Conflict- the sharpest way to resolve conflicts in the interests, goals, views that arise in the process social interaction, which consists in the opposition of the participants in this interaction and is usually accompanied by negative emotions beyond the rules and regulations. Conflicts are the subject of study of the science of conflictology.
A conflict is a situation in which each side seeks to take a position that is incompatible and opposite to the interests of the other side. Conflict is a special interaction of individuals, groups, associations that occurs when their views, positions and interests are incompatible. Conflict has both destructive and constructive functions.
Signs of Conflict
1. Bipolarity
Bipolarity, or opposition, represents confrontation and at the same time interconnectedness, contains an internal potential for contradiction, but in itself does not mean a clash or struggle.2.Activity
Activity is another sign of conflict, but only that activity that is synonymous with the concepts of "struggle" and "counteraction", activity is impossible without some impulse given by the awareness of the situation on the part of the subject of the conflict.
3. Subjects of the conflict
The presence of conflict subjects is another sign, the subject is active side capable of creating a conflict situation and influencing the course of the conflict depending on its interests. As a rule, the subjects of the conflict have special type consciousness - conflict. The contradiction is a source of conflict situations only for the subjects-carriers of the conflict type of consciousness.
Types of conflicts
Number of participants conflict interaction allows you to divide them into intrapersonal, interpersonal, intergroup .
Intrapersonal conflicts- represent a clash within the personality of equal in strength, but oppositely directed motives, needs, interests. A feature of this type of conflict is the choice between desire and possibilities, between the need to fulfill and compliance with the necessary norms.
interpersonal conflicts are a clash of individuals with a group, among themselves, a struggle for the interests of each of the parties. This is one of the most common types of conflicts.
Intergroup conflicts- conflicts between various groups, subdivisions in which the interests of people are affected, united during the conflict into single cohesive communities.
Classification of conflicts
Strategies of behavior in a conflict situation
In modern conflictology, five strategies of behavior in a conflict situation are identified:
Adaptation - one side agrees with the other in everything, but has its own opinion, which is afraid to express.
Avoidance is avoidance of a conflict situation.
Compromise is a joint decision that satisfies both parties.
Rivalry - active opposition to the other side.
Collaboration is an attempt to arrive at a joint solution.
Conflict Management Strategies
There are five main strategies of behavior in conflict situations:
Strategies of behavior of participants in the conflict
Perseverance (resistance) When a participant in a conflict tries to force them to accept their point of view at all costs, they are not interested in the opinions and interests of others. Typically, such a strategy leads to a deterioration in relations between the conflicting parties. This strategy can be effective if used in a situation where existentially threatening organization or hindering the achievement of its goals.
Evasion (evasion) when a person seeks to get away from the conflict. Such behavior may be appropriate if the subject of the dispute is of little value, or if the conditions for a productive resolution of the conflict are not currently in place, and also when the conflict is not realistic.
Adaptation (compliance) when a person refuses own interests, ready to sacrifice them to another, to meet him halfway. Such a strategy may be appropriate when the subject of disagreement is of less value to a person than the relationship with the opposite side. However, if this strategy becomes dominant for the leader, then he most likely will not be able to effectively manage his subordinates.
Compromise. When one side accepts the point of view of the other, but only to a certain extent. At the same time, the search for an acceptable solution is carried out through mutual concessions.
Cooperation when the participants recognize each other's right to personal opinion and are ready to understand it, which gives them the opportunity to analyze the causes of disagreements and find a way out acceptable to all. This strategy is based on the participants' belief that differences of opinion are the inevitable result of smart people have their own ideas about what is right and what is not. At the same time, the attitude to cooperation is usually formulated as follows: "It's not you against me, but we are together against the problem."
To pedagogical conflicts refer interpersonal conflicts between the educator and the pupil (teacher and student, parent and child), as well as intergroup conflicts , between the teacher and the class. Same way pedagogical conflicts are part of a generation gap. Pedagogical conflicts differ in their specific features. home distinguishing feature pedagogical conflict consists in opposing social role positions. The teacher's position can be conditionally expressed by the words "I am called to educate you!", The student's position is reflected in the classic phrase: "I do not want to be educated."
S. Yu. Temina cites the following objective and subjective causes of pedagogical conflicts.
1. Objective causes of pedagogical conflicts:
Insufficient degree of satisfaction of the basic needs of the child.
Contrasting the functional-role positions of the teacher and the student (the task of the first is to teach, the task of the second is to learn; the teacher is a priori considered to be superior to the student in mind, knowledge, experience and endowed with power over him).
Significant limitation of degrees of freedom (requirements of strict discipline, subordination, lack of the ability to choose a teacher, subject, class, obligatory visit lessons, etc.).
Differences in perceptions, values, life experience, to belong to different generations(the problem of fathers and children").
The dependence of the student on the teacher.
The need for teacher assessment.
Ignoring the personal problems of students in formalized educational systems.
The plurality of roles that a student is forced to play due to the different, sometimes opposite requirements placed on him in an educational institution, by parents, comrades, or any other significant people.
Difference between educational material and phenomena, objects of real life.
Social instability, etc.
Psychological incompatibility of teacher and student.
The presence of a teacher or student of certain character traits that determine the so-called " conflict personality"(aggressiveness, irritability, tactlessness, sarcasm, self-confidence, rudeness, rigidity, pickiness, skepticism, etc.).
Lack of communication culture in the teacher or student.
Need for study this subject by all students and the lack of interest in him in a particular student.
Mismatch of intellectual, physical abilities this student and the requirements placed on it.
Insufficient competence of the teacher (lack of experience, deep knowledge on the subject, willingness to resolve conflicts, low level development of certain professional abilities).
The presence of a teacher or student of serious personal problems, strong nervous tension, stress.
Excessive workload of the teacher or student.
Forced inactivity of the student.
Lack of independence creativity in the educational process.
The discrepancy between the student's self-esteem and the assessment given to him by the teacher, etc.
A. Menyaev in the article "Conflicts in training and education" highlights three objective reasons adult conflicts:
interaction between adult conservatism and new cultural property children;
insufficient cultural level of adults (rudeness, tactlessness, etc.), its inconsistency with the level of culture of the people;
changes in the psyche of teachers or parents that arise in the process of accumulating experience in the systematic management of the child's behavior; these changes can be figuratively called "corruption by power" - the habit of constantly forbidding, ordering, correcting, forcing, reproaching, reprimanding, in a word, "educating" in severity, humility and discipline.
Types of pedagogical conflicts
Based on modern ideas about education as the most important social institution, integral, multidimensional social phenomenon There are three types of conflicts that arise in different plans education:
Systemic conflicts (conflicts based on contradictions that arise in the process of functioning of education as a system; they can be economic, organizational, political, ethnic, spiritual);
Procedural conflicts (pedagogical conflicts, which are based on contradictions that arise in the educational process);
Effective conflicts (arise on the basis of contradictions between the real and ideal results of the conflict).
Conflict map
For more successful resolution conflict, it is desirable to draw up a conflict map developed by H. Cornelius and S. Fair. Its essence is as follows:
identify the problem of conflict in general terms. For example, in case of a conflict due to the amount of work performed, draw up a load distribution diagram;
find out who is involved in the conflict (individuals, groups, departments or organizations);
define genuine needs and fears of each
Empathic Listening
Empathic listening is useful in conflict situations. If you demonstrate to a person that you understand his feelings, the emotional intensity will undoubtedly subside (“I see you are very disturbed by this situation and it is unpleasant for you to feel that you cannot always rely on me, but you understand ...”) active passive empathic listening
Practical exercises
Exercise "Broken phone": It is advisable to record the progress of the exercise on a tape recorder or film it with a video camera. All participants go out the door. At the invitation of the leader, they enter one at a time. Each entry is given instructions.
Instruction : imagine that you have received a telephone message, the contents of which must be passed on to the next member of the group. The main thing is to reflect the content accurately and in detail.
The presenter reads the text of the telephone message to the first participant, he must pass it on to the next, etc. If during the execution the text is reduced so much that it becomes too easy to transmit it, then the presenter reads the text again to the next participant.
Text : Ivan Ivanovich called. He asked me to convey that he was delayed in the rono, because. agrees on the receipt of new imported equipment for workshops, which, however, is no better than domestic. He should be back by 5 p.m., the beginning of the teachers’ council, but if he doesn’t make it, then he should tell the head teacher that he should change the schedule of senior classes for Monday and Tuesday, inserting an additional 2 hours of astronomy there.
After completing the exercise, the group members listen to the tape with the recording and analyze the features of listening (how inept listening can distort the transmitted information).
Listening skill exercise. All participants are divided into 2 teams. It is decided by lot which team will occupy one of the alternative positions.
For example: one team is for free attendance of classes by students, the other is against. Arguments are given by team members one by one. The one whose turn it is to speak should listen to the previous person, reacting “uh-huh”, and after stating the arguments, asks a clarifying question if it was not clear or uses a paraphrase if everything is clear.
Arguments in favor of your team can begin to be stated after the previous one has confirmed that he was understood correctly.
The rest make sure that there is a paraphrase, and not the development of thought and not to attribute what was not in the statement.
Analysis Q: What difficulties did you encounter during the exercise? Have there been cases where paraphrase helped to clarify the position? Who was to blame that the partners did not understand each other - the one who spoke or listened? Etc.
Exercise "Diplomacy": Participants work in pairs. between you started interesting conversation. But one interlocutor is in a hurry and needs to interrupt the conversation, while the other wants to continue it. How to be? Try to get out of this situation without offending the interlocutor.
Exercise "Revelation": The exercise is performed in 3 stages. Participants work in pairs.
Stage 1. One partner is invited to talk about their difficulties in relationships with other people, fears, prejudices, doubts.
The second listens attentively using active, passive, or empathic listening techniques:
- 2 stage. The speaker makes comments about the behavior of the listener.
- 3 stage. The listener repeats in his own words everything he heard from the speaker, and the speaker expresses agreement or disagreement with a nod.
At the leader's signal, the partners change roles. At the end - an exchange of impressions in the group.
Exercise "Reflection of feelings": Participants are divided into pairs. The first member of the couple utters an emotionally charged phrase. The second - repeats in his own words the content of what he heard (paraphrase). Then he tries to determine the feeling experienced by the partner at the moment of speaking (reflection of feelings). The partner evaluates the accuracy of both reflections. Then there is the exchange of roles.
Exercise "Empathy": All participants sit in a circle. One utters an emotionally charged phrase. The other members of the group take turns naming the feeling they think the speaker is trying to express.
Exercise "you're still doing well, because ...": Participants work in pairs. The first member of the couple says: "They don't like me because ...". The second, having listened, should respond, beginning with the words: "Anyway, you're done well, because ...".
Then the partners switch roles. At the end, a group discussion is organized: who could not or did not have time to provide support and why. How did the one to whom the support was addressed feel.
Each person is much more pleasant to communicate with an interlocutor who knows how to listen, and not just chat. All studies have shown that only ten percent of people can listen to their interlocutor. In the article you will learn main types and techniques of active listening.
Each person wants to see in his interlocutor a friendly and attentive listener who happily supports the conversation. Therefore, everyone is pleased to communicate not with the person who knows how to speak, but with the one who knows how to listen. Studies have confirmed the fact that only about ten percent of humanity knows how to listen to their interlocutor. It is no coincidence that the direction of active empathic listening was introduced during the training of managers of the most leading countries of the world.
The most important thing when listening is Feedback, thanks to which the interlocutor has a feeling that his words are not pronounced in vain, but are important for the interlocutor. There are two content levels in various statements: the emotional level and the informational level. Also, feedback is of two types: a reflection of the speaker's feelings and a reflection of information.
There are several ways to actively listen: assent; deaf silence - no reaction; "mirror" - repetition of the last phrase of your interlocutor with a change in the order of words; "echo reaction" - repetition of the last word of your interlocutor; motivation; suggestive questions; clarifying questions; "paraphrase" - conveying the essence of the interlocutor's statement in other words; continuation - the listener wedged into the story of his interlocutor and diligently tries to complete his phrase; assessments and advice; emotions; "rude reactions"; irrelevant statements - statements that are not relevant at all this case or they are only formal; logical consequences - assumptions about the causes of ongoing events from the statements of the interlocutor; neglect of the interlocutor - lack of attention to the words of the partner or ignoring the interlocutor; questioning - asking a lot of questions without specifying your goal.
There are three steps in active listening: clarification; support; commenting.
During the support period of the conversation, the most important goal- give the opportunity to his interlocutor to express the adopted position, the appropriate reactions of the listener to the interlocutor to this stage- assent, silence, emotional "accompaniment", "echo".
In order to understand during the process of clarifying the goal that you have correctly understood your interlocutor, leading and clarifying questions, a paraphrase, are asked. At the moment of commenting on his interlocutor, the listener must express his opinion about what he heard - the listener gives his assessments, advice or comments.
There are two types of hearing: active listening, empathic listening and passive listening.
During active listening in the foreground is the reflection of information. Common Active Listening Techniques: Constant Refinement correct understanding information received through clarifying questions. Types and techniques of active listening only work if you take into account the current situation, the content of this conversation and emotional condition your partner. Also, techniques and types of active listening are best used only when the interlocutor is equal to you.
There are situations when you need to listen to a person who is in emotional affect, so in this situation, the types and techniques of active listening will not work in any way, because at that moment your interlocutor will be just a person who cannot control his emotions and is unable to catch the content conversation. In this case, you should reassure the partner so that he can cope with self-control, and only then it will be possible to continue the conversation on an equal footing. In situations like this, passive listening works great. So, when a person is in a state emotional affect it is recommended to just listen to him and let him understand that you support him and listen carefully, it is best to use “yup-reactions”.
The emotional state of a person resembles a pendulum, because reaching the very highest point emotional intensity, emotions begin to calm down, then the strength of feelings increases, reaches the highest point and falls again. If the process of the “pendulum” is not interfered with, the person will completely speak out and calm down, and then you can continue a normal conversation.
Without exception, all people want to share their experiences and feelings with them, as well as to understand. Therefore, the most important thing is empathy and understanding of the partner's feelings. And the secret to excellent listening is to give your interlocutor relief and discover new unseen ways to understand your own self.
Conclusion: empathic listening gives you the opportunity to experience the same feelings that your partner is experiencing, reflect these same feelings, understand the emotional state of your interlocutor and share it. Also, it is important to know that empathic listening does not offer advice, judgment, criticism, teaching, or morality.
There are a number of rules for empathic listening:
The most important thing is to tune in to listening, that is, to forget about your problems for a certain amount of time, because this is the only way you can understand the emotions of your partner.
In your reactions to the statements of the interlocutor, you must express experiences, emotions and feelings.
Maintain pauses. After your answers, the interlocutor should think and be silent, and you should know that this is only his time and you should not hammer him with your clarifications and considerations.
Empathic listening only requires reflecting the partner's feelings and does not need to explain to him the reason for the occurrence of such feelings.
If your partner is excited, it is best to keep the conversation going. in short sentences and interjections.
The teacher in his work is constantly faced with a wide variety of problems. interpersonal communication. The lack of a culture of communication or its low level often leads to the emergence of conflict situations, tensions in relations between the teacher and children, their parents, and colleagues.
Psychologically competent perception by the teacher of partners in communication will help to establish mutual understanding and effective interaction. This opportunity is largely provided to the teacher by the formed perceptual minds, i.e. the ability to correctly assess their emotional state by facial expressions, gestures, language, actions of partners. There are two related types social perception: actually perceptual (perception and from the mind of a child or another person) and empathy ( special sensitivity to the child, empathy and sympathy for another).
The process of social perception presupposes, first of all, the presence of listening skills. Numerous studies show that most educators lack listening skills
. Listening is a process during which connections are established between people, there is a feeling of mutual understanding, which makes any communication effective.
For both types of communication - first-time communication and long-term communication - are important. SKILL is reflexive. I. Non-reflective listening
psycho-emotional mechanisms that ensure the implementation of reflexive and non-reflective listening, is reflection, empathy, identification
. Reflection- self-knowledge internal states at a rational level (analysis)
. empathy- self-knowledge of internal states at the emotional level (sympathy, empathy)
. Identification- assimilation, attempts to become like a partner of interaction
To master the art of listening, the future teacher should form the appropriate listening skills and techniques, namely:
-maintaining attention focus and stability of attention, visual contact;
-use of elements non-verbal communication - gaze, posture, gestures, language of interpersonal space, change in voice pitch and intonation;
-remarks and questions;
-availability of developed personal formations - understanding, sympathy, approval
Reflective listening is a type of listening when the reflection of information comes to the fore. It includes constant clarification of the information that the interlocutor wants to convey, by posing and clarifying questions.
Listening can take place in both reflexive and non-reflexive forms. Reflective listening is often called active listening, as it uses verbal form more actively.
. Productive Ways of Reflective Listening
. Reflection of feelings (empathy)
. The essence of the reception: emphasizing the speaker's perceptions, attitudes and emotional state
. the main objective - reflecting the feelings of the interlocutor, to demonstrate understanding to him, to provide psychological support his personality, strengthen contact
. Possible word forms: . I think that. You feel. I understand. Your condition
Reflective listening is indispensable in conflict situations when the interlocutor behaves aggressively or demonstrates his superiority. This is a very effective means of calming down if there is a desire to develop a conflict that has begun.
A typical mistake people when using reflective listening are formal compliance with the rules. In such cases, a person puts the “necessary” question: “Am I right. You understood that,” but, having not heard the answers, continues to develop arguments in favor of his own point of view, actually ignoring the point of view of the interlocutor. Then such a person is surprised that the active listening technique of non-working listening does not work.
Reflective listening can be used in all cases when the child is upset, offended, defeated, when she is hurt, ashamed, terribly. In such cases, it is important to let her know that. You felt her experiences "Voicing" the child's feelings helps to relieve conflict or tension or tension.
It happens that you have to listen to a person who is in a state of strong emotional arousal. In this case, the techniques of reflective listening do not work. In this state, a person does not control his emotions, is not able to catch the meaning of the conversation. She needs only one thing - to calm down, come to a state of self-control, and only then can you communicate with her. In such cases, the technique of non-reflexive hearing works effectively. Annannya.
. Paraphrasing (echo technique)
. The essence of the reception: return to the interlocutor his statements (one or several phrases), formulating them in your own words. You can start like this: "As I understand you", "In your opinion", "In other words,. You think"
. The main goal of "echo technology" is clarification of information. For paraphrasing, essential ones are chosen - more important are the moments of the message. But when "returning" the remark, it is not necessary to add anything "from oneself", to interpret what was said. Luna-technician ka will allow you to give the interlocutor an idea of \u200b\u200bhow. You understood him, and prompt a conversation about what seems to you the most important in his words and the most important to you.
. Possible verbal forms:. As I understand you, in your opinion. You think
. clarification (clarification)
. The essence of the reception: an attempt to draw a logical conclusion from the partner’s statements, assumptions about the reasons for what was heard
. the main objective- clarify the meaning of what was said, quickly move forward in the conversation, the ability to get information without direct questions. But one should avoid haste in conclusions and use non-categorical formulations and soft tones.
. Possible verbal forms:. Please agree on whether to repeat this again. Don't explain your opinion
. Verbalization
. The essence of the reception: on the basis of what was heard from the communication partner, forecasting the possible factors that determined the situation that he spoke about
. The main goal of verbalization: forecasting and analysis of possible factors that determined the situation, which was told by the communication partner
. Possible verbal forms:. It seems to me that u. You have such a situation because. U. Your problem is that
. Summary
. The essence of the reception: reproducing the words of the partner in an abbreviated form, a brief formulation of the main thing, summarizing "If now to summarize what has been said. By you, then"
. The main purpose of summarizing is selection main idea. The reception helps in the discussion, consideration of claims, when it is necessary to solve any problems. It is especially effective if the discussion has dragged on, gone in circles, or reached a dead end. Summing up allows you to avoid wasting time on irrelevant conversations and can be a powerful and harmless way to end a conversation with a very talkative interlocutor.
. Possible verbal forms:. If we now summarize what has been said. By you, then. Your main idea was Like me. Understood you
. Situations in which it is appropriate to listen reflectively
Important situations of personal life;
Important professionally oriented situations;
Situations in which you need to evaluate another person (his knowledge, skills, behavior, etc.)
. Non-reflexive listening - the ability to make it clear to the interlocutor that he is not alone, that they listen to him, understand and are ready to support non-reflexive listening consists in the ability to be attentively silent, not to interfere with the speech of the interlocutor with your remarks, however, this silence is active, as it requires great concentration on the subject of the conspiracy, manifestation of understanding, approval and support for the speaker. Best of all, the so-called “yep-reactions” work best: “yes-yes”, “yes-yes”, “well, of course”, head nodding. Also, niche answers can be such similar answers as:
go on
It is interesting
Nice to hear
More
Need to think about this
Incorrect construction of a replica during non-reflexive listening can lead to disruption of contact with the interlocutor. It is not recommended to use such phrases: “Come on”, “It can’t be that way. Ogan”, “Yes, you can’t do it”, etc. The emotional state is like a pendulum: having reached the highest limit emotional stress, the person begins to calm down, then the strength of his feelings increases again, bending to the highest limit, then subsides. If you do not interfere in this process, do not "swing" the pendulum additionally, by speaking, the person will calm down, and after that it will be possible to communicate with her calmly, you will be able to talk calmly with her.
The main thing in non-reflective listening:
o not be silent, because deaf silence causes irritation in any person, and even more so in an excited person;
o do not ask clarifying questions, because this will only cause a reciprocal outburst of indignation;
o do not tell the partner: "Calm down, don't worry, everything will get better" - he cannot adequately understand these words, they outrage him, it seems to him that his problem is underestimated, that he is not understood
Sometimes in such cases it is useful to "adapt" to a partner, repeat his words, emotions, movements, that is, behave the way he does, share his feelings. But this must be done sincerely, otherwise the repetition of actions by me will be assessed as a mockery of his feelings.
Non-reflexive listening, accompanied by non-verbal communication techniques, expresses understanding and sympathy much better than verbal. Non-reflective listening can be used in relation to soromyaza rain and insecure students, in situations where the student wants to express his opinion, emotional attitude or if he is having difficulty expressing his painful problems. In the examples given, the use of non-reflective listening allows you to limit interference in the conversation as much as possible, which makes it easier for the speaker to express himself.
. Situations in which it is appropriate to listen to non-reflexive
In non-essential personal situations;
In unimportant and uncomplicated professionally oriented situations;
When the interlocutor is in a negative emotional dominant so as not to exacerbate his emotional state
empathic listening allows you to experience the feelings that the interlocutor is experiencing, reflect them, understand the emotional state of the interlocutor and share it
During empathic listening, they do not give advice, do not seek to evaluate the interlocutor, do not criticize, do not teach. This is the secret of good listening - one that gives the other person relief and openness. Riva him new ways to understand himself.
. Empathic Listening Rules
1. It is necessary to tune in to listening: forget about your problems for a while, free your soul from your own experiences and try to move away from ready-made attitudes and prejudices regarding the interlocutor. Only in this case it is possible to understand what the interlocutor feels, to “see” his emotions and emotions.
2. In your reaction to the partner’s words, it is necessary to reflect exactly the experiences, feelings, emotions behind his statements, but do it in such a way as to demonstrate to the interlocutor that his feelings were not only correctly understood, but also accepted.
3. You need to pause. After. Of your answer, the interlocutor should usually be silent, think in order to understand his experience
4. It must be remembered that empathic listening is not an interpretation of the secret motives of his behavior hidden from the interlocutor. It is only necessary to reflect the feeling of the partner, but not to explain to him the reason for the occurrence of this feeling. Remarks like: "So it's so with you that you're just jealous of your friend" or "In fact, you would like to be paid attention to you all the time" cannot evoke anything in response, except for aggression and defense of aggression and outrage.
empathic listening provides a better understanding of the child by the teacher, helps to neutralize the teacher's tendency to evaluate. The desire of many teachers to listen to the student is not so much for the purpose of listening to it. The first thing she tells him, how much in order to appreciate him, often causes communication barriers. These include barriers to dialogic communication (prejudice, distrust, lack of a sense of humor, the ability to social contact). One of the varieties of dialogue between a teacher and a student is a discussion. Only high culture dialogue insures against the danger of turning it into a dispute, that is, into a "state of mutual hostility."
. Conflict Interaction Hearings
Listening shows our openness to what the other is saying. Does listening show this receptivity in dialogue?
Maintain constant eye contact;
Do not interrupt;
Don't give advice;
Summarize what. you heard;
Make reflective remarks showing that. You understand what the other feels
Only irreconcilable enemies do not listen. If a. You will use these rules of listening, the interlocutor will feel that. You are not his implacable enemy and are ready to understand his needs and concerns. If he feels that his needs are being respected, he will be less aggressive in trying to bring him to. Your own consciousness. Gaki.
If a person feels irritated or fearful, she should get rid of these emotions, as they can be an obstacle in the relationship. Only after the person has been listened to and reassured can the usual conflict-free communication be restored. If a person is not allowed to speak out, then hostility and suspicion may arise on her part, and communication will be reduced to chaos and unrest.
An important element of listening technique is the ability to ask questions. They allow you to support the interlocutor, to help in the presentation of considerations. With the help of skillful and timely questions, the teacher can manage the dialogue with the student.
Correctly chosen tactics of the formulation of questions by the teacher contributes to the creation of a favorable psychological atmosphere interaction with the student, disclosure of his creative possibilities with sufficient completeness, identifying the need for mastering educational information.
5 Communicative culture of personality Training of communicative culture of a social teacher
. Communication culture training
. Communicative culture is a system of qualities, properties, traits and skills of a person that ensures high performance in communication. It consists of two groups of characteristics:
1. General human qualities and characteristics (to feel the need for communication and pleasure from communication; to feel the need to be among people for a long time, benevolence, sincerity, humanity; altruism; altruists and tendencies - the desire to bring joy and positive charge other people).
2. Personal and professional qualities and characteristics (reflection, empathy, the ability to listen reflexively and non-reflexively; self-regulation of psychophysical well-being; culture and technique of speech, the ability to convince you and inspire.
Communication training involves the following steps:
1) diagnostics (autodiagnosis) of sociability;
2) socio-psychological and professional communication training, the purpose of which is the development of two selected groups of characteristics in special training groups (TG) or intensive communication groups ((GIS.
. The task of socio-psychological and professional training
a) removal of clamps, tension, isolation in situations of communication;
b) organization of special situations requiring appropriate actions for self-expression;
c) development of skills and abilities of reflective and non-reflective listening;
d) auto-training and self-regulation of psychophysical well-being in situations of difficult communication;
d) development of individual sensitivity (perception, empathy, reflection, non-verbal means of expressing feelings);
e) training effective ways and communication techniques
. Methods of socio-psychological and professional training of communication skills
1)imagotherapy- individual training of self-confidence, overcoming complexes, carried out by self-hypnosis and group, role training. Exercises: verbal formulas for self-hypnosis and. JSC ("Consignment shop", "Self-presentation", "Associative perception of the other") is more effective than accepting another");
2)functional behavior training- behavior training Everyday life. Exercises: "Compliments", "Nakhabnik", "Press Conference";
3)method useful game - a technique based on transactional analysis. E. Berna. Game - a system of transactions aimed at achieving a win and have hidden motivation. Similar to the game level of communication. Effective for training relationships in the family, with children. Exercise-situations: the child pretends to be sick, does not want to go to school, refuses to eat, does not want to go to bed in certain time hour;
4)psychodrama method- behavior training extreme situation. Situation exercises: attacker, thief, fire, terrorists, natural disaster
LISTENING TECHNIQUES
The ability to listen is the most important condition for productive communication. What is listening and why is the possession of this skill so important for establishing psychological contact and creating a sense of satisfaction from communication?
Often listening is understood as passive behavior in conversation, that is, non-verbal behavior, "not speaking". In this case, while one of the partners is speaking, the other only silently waits for a break in his speech at best, and as soon as he stops talking, he begins to talk about his problems. AT worst case he begins to do this without waiting for a break, that is, interrupting his partner. Remember cases from your life when communication took place exactly according to this scheme and remember the feelings that arose in you in these cases. Would you like to continue talking about your problems, especially if these problems are important and meaningful to you? Did you have a feeling of confidential communication, a feeling that you are being listened to attentively and your partner needs you?
Probably the answer will be negative. Why did this happen?
Remember other cases when someone listened to you in such a way that you wanted to talk to this person again and again, when after talking with him you had a feeling of relief, a sense of your importance, need.
The thing is that listening is not silence, but a more complex, active process, during which invisible connections are somehow established between people, that feeling of mutual understanding arises, which makes any communication effective.
One of the most important points in any listening there is a moment of feedback, thanks to which the interlocutor gets the feeling that he is not speaking into the void, but with a living person who listens and understands him. Moreover, in any statement there are at least two meaningful levels: the informational level and the emotional level. In this regard, feedback can be of two types: reflection of information and reflection of the speaker's feelings. The type of listening, in which the reflection of information comes to the fore, we will call ACTIVE LISTENING.
What is active listening and what does it do?
To find out if a person uses active listening techniques, you need to pay attention to whether he asks clarifying questions, whether he gives “feedback” to the speaker using a paraphrase: “Did I understand you correctly that ..?” and whether he waits for an answer: "You understood me correctly" (or similar in meaning). The use of such simple at first glance techniques allows you to achieve the following:
Providing adequate feedback, your interlocutor gains confidence that the information transmitted by him is correctly understood.
You indirectly inform the interlocutor thatin front of him not a child to whom you can point, and not a "dictaphone" into which you can dictate your thoughts and reasoning, and his equal partner. Partner position means that bothThe interlocutor must be responsible for their words. This goal is achieved faster than the first, especially in cases where you are dealing with an authoritarian, tough interlocutor. The use of active listening skills will help a lot if you are in the “victim” position, as it not only knocks you down from the usual position of an authoritarian interlocutor, but also raises you to the level of partner communication, makes it possible to focus on the essential points of the conversation, and not on your own experiences and concerns.
Active listening is indispensable in business negotiations, in situations where the communication partner is equal to you or stronger than you, as well as in conflict situations when the interlocutor behaves aggressively and / or demonstrates his superiority. It is also a very good way to calm down and tune in yourself (and set up your interlocutor) for a business wave, if you have a desire to tease your partner, develop the conflict that has begun. A typical mistake teachers make when learning active listening is to follow the rules in a purely formal way without really reflecting the content of the conversation. In such cases, the person asks the "right" question“Did I understand you correctly that…”, but not hearing the answershe continues to develop arguments in favor of her own pointki point of view, actually ignoring the point of view of the interlocutor. Then suchthe teacher is surprised that the active listening technique "does not work."“I said: “If I understood you correctly, then ...”, but we still don’t They accepted each other, and the interlocutor became angry with me. For what?"
So active listening involves:
Interested attitude to the interlocutor.
Clarifying questions.
Paraphrase by type: “Did I understand correctly that…?”(with a question mark at the end of the phrase).
Getting an answer to your question (this could be: "Not really,wrong", "Not exactly, I mean...").
The fact is that active listening, like any other effective listening, implies constant awareness of one’s “I-listenings” and only in the presence of filters "I want to understand you", "It's interesting" active listening will "work".
Is active listening always necessary?
Like any other technique, active listening techniques are not universal. They only work when you consider the situation, the content of the conversation, and the emotional state. interlocutor. Active listening only makes sense if your partner is at least equal to you. It happens, however, that you have to listen to a person who is in a state of passion, in a state of strong emotional arousal, and in this case, active listening techniques will not work. Your interlocutor is not literally an interlocutor, he is now just a person who does not control his own emotions, is not able to capture the content of the conversation, and he does not need it. And he needs only one thing - to calm down, come to a state of normal self-control, and only after that it will be possible to communicate with him “on an equal footing”, only after that he is able to HEAR what you say to him.
In such cases, the so-called PASSIVE LISTENING works effectively.
What is passive listening?
If you are dealing with a person who is in a state of passion, strong emotional arousal, you just need to calm him down. Usually a person in this state does not control his emotions very well and does not understand very well what exactly he is saying. Therefore, reflecting information or his feelings to him is completely meaningless and even harmful. This will most likely cause him an additional explosion of irritation. Block words do not help either: "Calm down", "Don't cry""You don't have to be nervous." Therefore, it is important to simply LISTEN to a person, just to let him know that he is not alone, that you hear him, understand and are ready to support him. Best of all, the so-called "uh-huh-reactions" work in this case: "Yeah, yeah, uh huh, of course" etc. The fact is that the emotional state of a person is like a pendulum: having reached the highest point of emotional intensity, a person begins to “go down”, calm down and come to his senses. If you do not try to stop the pendulum, then, having spoken out, the person will calm down and, having felt it, you will be able to communicate with him normally. Do not be silent, because deaf silence in any person causes irritation, and in an excited person this irritation will be intensified.
This technique, therefore, requires one thing from you: that the conversation should not be interrupted until the interlocutor “cools down”. Therefore, in those moments when the interlocutor falls silent, ask clarifying questions in the most natural tone: "And what did he tell you?" or "And what did you answer?" or "Where was Masha at that time?" Your main task is not to get infected from the interlocutor with his emotions, which is not so easy to do, especially if these emotions are directed at you, and not to fall into the same emotional state, which will certainly lead to a violent conflict, “showdown” and ultimately, to very unpleasant feelings. Remember some case when you reacted to a stormy emotional remark of one of your students, parents, work colleagues with the same emotional intensity, remember how this conversation ended and try to realize the state in which you were at the time of it. start. Have you been annoyed by something? You were in a bad mood, before that you had some kind of trouble? Was this conversation preceded by another one of the same kind? Probably, it was so, and all this suggests that your “I-listening” at that moment could be called the word “Resentment” (your Victim woke up), or maybe “I’m right anyway” (and then the remark you said in an emotional tone was perceived by you as another threat and caused a desire to additionally assert that you are right, and you began to vigorously prove it).
Passive listening is thus passive in name only. In fact, it requires a certain mental work, the work of becoming aware of one's own "I-listenings" at the beginning of a conversation, and this work is not so simple. The fact is that any technique is just techniques that exist, as it were, outside of us and can be effectively used, or may turn out to be ineffective. It is important WHO uses them and HOW he does it - consciously or not. Passive listening techniques will be effective only if you first work with yourself, with your “I-listenings”. What "I-listening" do you have now, in this moment? Are you able, without any filters, to hear the emotion that now dominates in another person, to hear objectively, without relating it to yourself, without being infected by it, without reacting to it personally? If yes, then your listening will be successful, if not, then you will just succumb to the emotional pressure that comes from your interlocutor and, in fact, become the object of his manipulation of you.
In addition to situations when you need to understand and objectively reflect the information that the interlocutor wants to convey to you, and those cases when your partner needs to speak out, vent emotions, calm down, there are also situations when none of the types of listening described above works, does not cause the interlocutor to feel gratitude, relief and trust in you. Since we are still considering mainly communication between a teacher and a teenager, and this communication is characterized by conversations about personally important things that are significant for a teenager, conversations that ideally should have the character of psychotherapeutic conversations, we will try to determine the specifics of these conversations. And here we introduce the concept of EMPATIC LISTENING.
empathichearing
Let's think about why you tell someone about your problems? Maybe in order to listen to advice on how you should behave in this situation? Or in order to be evaluated, told whether you are behaving correctly? Or maybe in order to hear how the interlocutor behaved in similar circumstances? Probably not yet. For any person, the main thing in such cases is the desire to be understood, to share with you those feelings, experiences that you experience. After all, they say that grief divided is halved, and shared joy is doubled. The main thing, apparently, is precisely this - in understanding the feelings of the interlocutor and empathy with him. This is the secret of good listening, one that gives the other person relief and, unexpectedly, opens up new ways for him to understand himself.
Thus, the most important in our case is the emotional coloring of the conversation. A conversation about one's own problems, one's own personality is so important and significant for a teenager, and the subject of conversation is so vague that the main thing for you is not the "objective information" that he reports, but the feelings that he experiences about this. In this case, it is important not so much to understand the words that he says, but to understand his emotional state, what he is experiencing at the moment. That is why any teacher working with teenagers needs the skill of empathic listening, that is, listening, in which the listener (teacher) is able to experience the same feelings that a teenager experiences and, like a mirror, reflect them, so that the teenager himself begins to better understand himself and accept, along with his contradictory feelings.
Rules for Empathic Listening:
It is necessary to tune in to listening: forget about your problems for a while, free your soul from your own experiences and try to rebuild from ready-made attitudes and prejudices regarding this student. Only in this case you can feel what your interlocutor feels, "see" his emotion.
In your reaction to your partner’s words, you must accurately reflect the experience, feeling, emotion behind his statement, but do it in such a way as to demonstrate to the interlocutor that his feeling is not only correctly understood, but also accepted by you.
You need to pause. After your answer, the partner needs to be silent. Remember that this time belongs to him, do not fill it with your additional considerations, explanations, clarifications. A pause is necessary for a person in order to understand his experience.
It must be remembered that empathic listening is not an interpretation of the secret motives of his behavior hidden from the interlocutor. It is only necessary to reflect the feeling of the partner, but not to explain to him the reason for the emergence of this feeling in him. Type notes: "So you have it because you're just jealous» or “Actually, you would like thoseI was paying attention all the time" cannot cause anything but rejection and protection, especially if they are pronounced at the beginning of a conversation, when a trusting atmosphere has not yet arisen.
In cases where the partner is excited, when the conversation develops in such a way that he is overwhelmed with feelings, “without closing his mouth”, or he just tends to talk like that, and your conversation is already quite confidential, it is not at all necessary to answer with detailed phrases. It is enough just to support the partner with interjections, short phrases like “Yes, yes”, “Uh-huh”, nod your head or repeat it last words("echo reaction").
