Being confident is easy, being strong is easy. Until everything goes right. But when life cracks, it's harder to believe in yourself. And what we think under the onslaught of failure is the whole truth about our self-confidence.
It depends on our thoughts whether we stay afloat or get bogged down in a quagmire of despondency. Holding on and not breaking loose is not always possible. That is life. And everyone can fall, but why wallow there?
Or as Donald Trump would say: “Don't sit on failure as if on ashes. Lesson learned, learned - and move on.
Trump is rightfully considered the most combative business leader and knows how to meet difficulties head-on. And his book “Think big and don’t slow down!” - gives good recommendations how to develop self-confidence.
The quotes below are from Donald Trump's book.
GET USED TO ACT
Action is, in fact, the key to developing self-confidence. Desire is never given without the strength needed to make it come true. But how many ideas remain ideas because someone decided that he did not have enough funds, intelligence or experience to implement his plan. And instead of looking for a possibility, we look for a reason. But if we don't take risks, we won't know what we're capable of.
“Turn your big thoughts into action as quickly as possible. large-scale actions. Don't let false excuses slow you down. Excuses are symptoms of fear.
Throw yourself headlong and do what you were most afraid to do - your fear will disappear by itself! Nobody is born with full confidence in itself. It is being purchased.
Get used to acting - and your self-confidence will jump to the ceiling!
YOU ARE WHO YOU SEE YOURSELF
If the world is arranged like a big mirror and reflects our thoughts and actions, is it worth it to be offended when we are not appreciated? Doesn't this mean that we don't know what we think of ourselves? We are what we think we are, and until we take care of raising the level of self-esteem others won't notice it.
“You yourself dictate to people how they should think of you. Your attitude towards yourself is obvious to everyone. Behave in such a way that everyone understands that you are worth a lot. Then people will see you that way.
Move energetically, purposefully, look straight ahead, like a person who knows where and why he is going.
We all define ourselves, so feel free to define. You are the one who gets promoted, who gets clients, who has lots of friends. You are the one who climbs the ladder of life, the fountain of creative ideas.
Your attitude towards life, demonstrated to others, is more important than your IQ.
YOUR FEAR IS THE WORST ENEMY
Fear is good because it exists only in our thoughts, which means it can be controlled. And this task is simplified by the fact that we cannot think about two things at the same time. Therefore, as soon as doubt crept into your head, think about the goal, not about the problem. If someone is trying to intimidate you, answer like Trump: “I don’t want to think about it.”
“In order to take control of your life and develop self-confidence, you must get rid of fear. Destroy every negative thought, as soon as she sticks her ugly head out. stop worrying internal dialogue as soon as it occurs. Fear is your worst enemy."
“When they try to scare me, saying: “What if the market goes down? What if the banks demand that you repay all your loans? What if it all goes wrong?" I just say, "I don't want to think about it."
FIND A WAY TO TURN NO TO YES
As soon as you set out to achieve something, someone will immediately appear who will say: "It's impossible, nothing will come of it." But how many goals seemed unattainable until someone reached them. Therefore, it is better to stay away from those who sow doubt and undermine our self-confidence. Change of environment the only one the right way if such people are the majority among your acquaintances.
“If you want to succeed and develop self-confidence, you need to get used to the fact that you will often hear the word “no” - and learn to ignore it.
Most people who say "no" do so in their own interest.
Don't let someone's capricious or oppressive "no" stop you. Find a way stand up for your opinion, turn "no" into "yes", or find a clever way around "no".
DON'T SIT ON FAIL AS ON ASHES
What seems to us a failure today may become a boon for us later. So, Trump recalls how he suddenly fell ill with the flu and missed a very important contract. But as it turned out later, if he had made a deal then, he would have lost a lot of money.
However, no matter how events unfold, one must be able to draw experience from them and move forward without lamenting or looking back. There's nothing to be done - good learning is not always good.
“Don't see every failure as the end of the world. Learned the lesson, learned it - and move on. Do not sit on failure as if on ashes. Start thinking big again.
And learn the great art of forgetting. Move on and don't think for a second about all the bad things that happened to you. See every failure as a step towards ultimate victory."
TAKE EVERYTHING AS IS
Life has a lot in common with rollercoaster It has both steep descents and steep ascents. We cannot know exactly what is waiting for us around the corner. And only the willingness to accept everything as it is gives us the flexibility that does not allow us to break.
“The harsh truth of life is that the results of the transaction do not always satisfy you, and the people with whom you do business are not always honest and decent. There have always been and will always be circumstances over which you have no control.
The only way to keep circumstances from shaking your confidence in own forces is to accept reality as it is and understand that negative events can and will happen. Of this you can be sure."
REFER TO YOUR GOALS, NOT THEIR GOALS
Each of us is unique and each of us has our own path. Problems arise when we go astray or choose someone else's path. Aligning with someone's ideals and following someone's aspirations, we live not our own, but someone else's life.
“If your life is not what you would like it to be, do not be afraid to ask yourself: are you doing what you would like to do? And what would you like to do? It doesn't matter how old you are. Check with your own feelings and goals, and not with strangers. It may happen that you go against friends, family and colleagues. Connect to own source nutrition. And most likely through a new outlet current go where it is better".
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Today I will teach you how to gain self-confidence. This will make your life easier, help you achieve what you want in your personal life and career.
In my opinion, the main qualities that prevent each person from achieving what they want are self-doubt and low self-esteem.
The "lucky ones" I truly sympathize with tend to have both.
But there is no need to despair ahead of time.
You can still be saved! "Success Diary" will turn even a notorious rabbit, afraid of its own shadow, into a confident and ready to do anything to achieve the goal of a tiger 🙂.
With due diligence on your part, of course.
It was not by chance that I started talking about complexes, indecision and other shortcomings human nature because today I want to teach you how to gain self-confidence.
This will greatly facilitate your life, help you achieve what you want both in your personal life and in your career.
Do you need to worry about how to develop self-confidence?
In fact, the answer to this question is unequivocal: “Yes! Need!".
I am touched by people who seriously believe that you can live your whole life like this. scarlet flower whose problems someone else will solve.
Modern life is a struggle for survival, where only the strong and confident can win.
A few frail plants manage to get into greenhouse conditions and grow quietly on fertile soil under the canopy of a powerful oak.
The rest have to either grow teeth or ... die.
And so you don't think that I'm trying to scare you, I'll tell you sad story with a happy ending to my mom's friend.
They have been friends since the institute and, according to my mother, Anya has always been with a complaisant character, and her external attractiveness made her a tidbit for representatives of the opposite sex.
While still at the institute, she married a man with power 10 years older than herself.
The need to take care of how to develop self confidence, and disappeared altogether.
Anya lived in full wealth, raised the baby.
Everything changed when from a woman who didn’t work anywhere for a day, and didn’t live at all normal life husband left.
And then there are the 90s, in which we had not to live, but to survive.
And in Anna's arms is a son and old parents, who are also accustomed to a good life behind the back of an influential son-in-law.
I remember how Aunt Anya cried in our kitchen, cursing her life.
But then she managed to pull herself together.
After selling some jewelry, she completed an accounting course, got a job, had an affair with one of the company's partners, and married him two years later.
But Aunt Anya did not want to repeat the mistakes of her youth, so she was not going to fall into dependence on men and again settle at home with dough, turning into an insecure and downtrodden slut.
These recommendations will be useful not only for those who want to gain confidence, but also for people who strive for success.
Yes, what is there - everyone normal people they will come in handy. 🙂
Get yourself in order.
It's hard to exude confidence if you're a shapeless doughnut who rarely bathes, walks around in a grandmother's dress and tries to avoid beauty salons three blocks away.
Start changing first from the outside.
Fall in love.
An arranged personal life makes a person more confident.
I am loved! They are waiting for me at home!
I'm not hopeless, since someone needs me!
Don't envy.
A person is often overgrown with complexes and, like a scab, due to the fact that he begins to envy more successful colleagues, friends, relatives.
It was not you who got the promotion, but another employee, because he turned out to be a more worthy applicant.
You need not get angry and spit poison, but work harder.
A nice guy chose not you, but your girlfriend, not because you are worse, but because love defies logical explanation.
Think positive.
Set yourself up for success, not failure.
Improve your knowledge and skills.
Praise from superiors and material bonuses give confidence.
Learn foreign languages, visit theaters and museums, read books.
Don't give up after the first setback.
Understand that life cannot consist of victories alone.
This only happens in fairy tales.
In real life, people constantly have to overcome obstacles, sometimes these obstacles are too high for them.
Improve your posture, change your gait.
Do not walk hunched over and looking down at your feet - from the outside it looks terrible.
Smile more often, even if you want to cry!
Do not be afraid!
I am not talking now only about the need to get rid of phobias.
Looking at some people, one gets the impression that they are afraid of life. Don't be like them.
3 exercises without which it is difficult to develop self-confidence
The exercises are extremely simple and, in order to perform them, you do not need any special efforts or a large number time:
parallel reality.
The name is conditional.
The essence of this exercise is to imagine every day for 15-30 minutes various situations in which you show miracles of self-confidence.
Fantasize, gentlemen, fantasize!
You must believe in your fantasies, so take care of the details: what you are wearing, what the room looks like, where you came, what kind of people surround you, what extraneous sounds or smells are in your fantasy, etc.
Complete relaxation.
In fact, this exercise helps not only to develop self-confidence, but also for overwork, a mess in the head, nervousness, etc.
Plus, I think it's a very enjoyable exercise.
Do it better at home, but if you have a nook in the office where you can take a horizontal position, then relax yourself there at lunchtime.
Lie on your back, close your eyes, turn off your phones, and for 15 minutes, move to where you feel most comfortable and safe: desert island, an oasis in the desert, a forest in the village with a grandmother, a picturesque waterfall, etc.
how to gain self-confidence.
Exit to the people.
With this exercise, you will have to work hard.
Once every few days or at least once a week (depending on how fast you need results) train your confidence.
Visit a cinema, theater, exhibition, restaurant alone, go to the housing department or some public service to find out about tariffs, invite a guy you like on a date, go for an interview, even if you don’t need this job, etc. .
You are capable gain self-confidence and get what you want out of life.
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Your life is a struggle! Self-confidence gives a person the belief that his thoughts and actions are right, reasonable and good. Self-confidence relieves fears or simply helps a person cope with their own weaknesses. He confidently passes all the illusions of the danger of this or that phenomenon. He destroys various phobias with confidence. He is sure that phobias and internal cockroaches do not have a solid basis for fear.
A self-confident person is much less prone to depression and even mental disorders. He's over successful and, no matter how trite it sounds, he feels even happier, because he is confident in himself! Self-confidence brings you closer to the state of Happiness! A confident person understands that one should not be afraid own fear. He is a living being, which does not deprive him of fears. But thanks to self-confidence and the security of his fear, he turns his weakness into an assistant, makes him his ally in achieving the goal, or completely neutralizes Fear in himself.
An insecure person very often succumbs to his own doubts, as well as to the persuasion of other people. A confident person believes in the correctness of his actions even if they are incorrect. However, this quality will subsequently allow a person to change the course of his thoughts and actions, so that next time he will do exactly the right thing. to achieve the desired.
You need to know what money is and the power of money! How is business success achieved? First of all - the idea, the direction! Then, very important point Your competencies- these are abilities, skills, skills! Of course, this is an absolute theory, in practice everything happens much more complicated! However, these recommendations should be followed.
Here is a scheme for analyzing all your actions when opening a business or your own business
The first thing is to stop thinking about how to develop self-confidence, and start changing!
Techniques and ways of training Confidence
There are many ways to become just such a confident person.
First of all, you need to conduct a deep introspection. It is not simple! Only a certified specialist can make a deep analysis. Going to a Psychotherapist is somewhat incorrect! There is a special profession for this - Coach.
The task of each person in difficult life situations is to identify the causes of failures and their insecurity, the complexes that led to it - it is they who create such great discomfort in life.
Think about how to develop self-confidence. Take a look at yourself from the outside, determine why those actions that are committed by someone in the order of things are simply unacceptable for you.
Make a decision, realize that you are no worse, and maybe even better than others in some way. Stop thinking about how to develop self-confidence, and take it, train your self-confidence!
There are many methods and tools that will certainly help to believe in yourself and in your abilities.
It is possible to develop self-confidence on your own
The essence of such exercises is to restore once lost confidence, remembering the details of the events, turn them off in the subconscious and replace them with a positive setting.
This is a very simple and even enjoyable exercise, which is designed to help insecure person. You will have to devote at least half an hour to your new “I” every day.
The essence of the exercise is as follows. First of all, you need to surround yourself with complete peace and quiet.
Relax and dream freely, but in these dreams you must be different from your daily self.
You must behave like a person who does not doubt himself and his abilities. For example, take some life situation in which you were defeated and mentally imagine the events in which YOU are the winner!
This method significantly increases self-confidence, because you begin to commit, albeit this stage only mentally, meaningful actions. Deeds worthy of a reasonably self-confident person.
Self-hypnosis as a method of self-realization
Self-hypnosis helps to develop self-confidence. An effective and, at the same time, simple way is self-hypnosis. This technique requires a struggle with oneself. You must find reasons and convince yourself that you are quite capable of doing what you could not even dream of until recently.
For example, to lead a department in which you already work recent years so ten. And to do it easily and naturally, because you have a lot great experience and knowledge than your current boss. Yes, and why do you need bosses, you have the strength to become a leader, a boss - on your own! Force, convince yourself to believe in your strength. Drive your fears away from your thoughts - what if it doesn’t work out, what if I can’t. Your main task at the stage of training is to live fragments of the life of a self-confident person and become one in your thoughts.
In order to develop and improve self-confidence, the exercises must be performed from the heart and with desire, and not because "it is necessary." One of the important conditions for the success of such training is constancy.
Classes of this kind should be carried out strictly daily. Over time, self-confidence will require a test in life. Do not be afraid of mistakes, you will definitely succeed. To begin with, exercise in your comfort zone, that is, among close and dear people with whom you have complete trusting relationship. Well, then go to the "world", meet new people, demand promotion and salary and be happy!
Read and most importantly understand, remember and repeat the following phrases:
I am who I pretend to be! My goal is real! My M thought, material!
essence positive psychology is that people who want to succeed should act as if they have already achieved success! We are all not perfect and make mistakes, but after a failure, you should not fall even further, but get up, make an analysis and conclusions, and again go towards your goal.
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How to develop self-confidence? This question, worries many people who want to change their lives for the better, because confident people achieve success faster than others, they are admired, they are recognized. A confident person is able to have an influential impact, her advice is listened to. Such individuals are very energetic, they are not exposed to excessive influence of external circumstances and create circumstances for themselves.
But an insecure individual is not accepted by others as a strong rival, since he does not know how to make responsible, fateful decisions and follow them unquestioningly.
A person who sets himself only small goals is not decisive and persistent enough, because he does not succeed in everything in this life. This means that a person does not know how to exert maximum force and work to the limit. Later, he will feel that it is so hard to live and will begin to look for ways to develop his confidence.
To develop self-confidence and become persistent, you need to make an effort. Thus begins, in fact, the development of perseverance itself. To achieve the goal, you must have perseverance and patience - these traits bring up a confident person.
How to develop self-confidence and boost self-esteem
Many people are interested in how to develop determination and self-confidence? To do this, it is important to ensure that the environment consists of successful individuals. However, this does not mean that you should completely stop ties with less successful friends, the main thing is to find people from interaction with whom you want to develop yourself.
In cities, lectures and trainings are often held on the topic: "How to develop courage and confidence in yourself." Periodic visits to these events will have a profound effect on the individual. There, they will best teach how to develop determination and self-confidence, to develop high self-esteem.
So how do you develop courage and self-confidence? To do this, you need to find the necessary strength within yourself and let it out, and reading the appropriate books on the topic of developing confidence will help you achieve better results.
It will also help to expand the circle of acquaintances, consisting of interesting and enterprising people, from whom a person will involuntarily begin to adopt effective habits.
How to develop confidence in communication? Retelling is an excellent method of developing confidence. So, for example, a person read or heard something new information, then he must retell it first to himself. In this way, a person learns to pick up the right words, train your brain to express thoughts accurately.
The next way to develop confidence in communication is an exercise that involves thinking about what a new person has borrowed for himself from a work, film or poem, reflecting on what benefits it has for life.
Thanks to this exercise, the brain trains, a person begins to analyze information, seeks to understand its meaning and develop the essence. People love to talk to smart people, so by demonstrating their analytic skills you can earn respect.
Whoever wants to develop self-confidence must forbid self-criticism. Insecure people often they are because they subject their personality to excessive self-criticism.
As soon as a person stops doing this, it immediately becomes easier for him to live. It frees up much more time that can be used to good use in developing itself. Any failure can be turned into positive points considering it a life experience.
It will also help build confidence in sports. A person who has a trained body is more pliable, so it is easier for him to make decisions and act independently. A person who is actively involved in sports beautiful body criticizes himself less. The development of confidence is influenced by affirmations - these are verbal formulations containing a positive attitude. Constant pronunciation or listening to affirmations contribute to the development of personality. These verbal formulations must be built in the present tense. This is important for the perception of a person who repeats them many times as a given, and over time he begins to think accordingly. For example, if he often says the affirmation: “I am sure, then I will achieve everything,” he begins to perceive himself as such - confident, strong and purposeful.
Another popular way is to keep a diary. own victories and achievements. Rereading these records later, a person will understand that he is worth something. Such a diary of success, albeit small, is a powerful incentive.
How to develop self-confidence in a woman? It's difficult and exciting question for individuals who doubt their femininity. A woman must develop self-confidence, because only in this way can she win much more sympathy.
A confident woman can be seen from afar - she has a beautiful posture. Therefore, even just standing in front of a mirror, straightening her shoulders, raising her head, pulling in her stomach, a woman automatically feels confident. To build confidence, a woman needs to develop her body, try to make it even more beautiful.
How to develop self-confidence in a woman? Write down all the perfect deeds that she is proud of. Such a "diary" of personal victories will feed the feeling self-importance and help build confidence.
In order to become decisive, a woman must learn to say “no” in order not to allow her interests to be infringed. Although it is not easy to refuse others, but you have to learn this in order not to let others “ride” you. Such behavior can command respect.
How to develop confidence and perseverance
It is impossible to develop perseverance without having a target desire that takes a long time to reach. Successful people set significant goals for themselves and only thanks to the work that they had to put in did they become experienced, wise, successful and confident individuals. Small goals will not bring proper experience and knowledge, will not help the individual develop the necessary qualities.
Best in professional field put big goals, then the benefit of goal achieved will bring, in addition to personal gain (development of confidence and perseverance), an improvement general position affairs.
In order to develop your own confidence faster, it is worth forming a habit: to make all decisions immediately and act according to decisions. Many insecure personalities try to slip away from making a responsible decision, which only harms their personality, as they become insecure. This method is very efficient. Each time when making decisions, a person must understand that the fate of loved ones depends on his choice and position, so the speed of the decision undoubtedly plays a role.
Almost everyone has a dream, only for some people dreams remain dreams, for others they turn into life goals who are trying to develop and achieve. People who have a clearly articulated dream become confident and assertive in the process of achieving the goal itself. It is necessary to realize what a person wants from life, what is his purpose and create such a dream, or form and develop it in such a way that you want to strive for it all the time.
The main thing is to achieve exactly what you really want. Therefore, in order not to waste time separately on the formation of the qualities of confidence and perseverance of the individual, it is worth making more effort and reaching for the dream, and the desired qualities will come in the process. A person who knows what he wants in life will achieve this, overcoming all difficulties.
Getting out of your personal comfort zone helps you develop confidence. It means doing things that are not human. Too many insecure and indecisive individuals feel that beyond their comfort zone is an inhospitable world that hides hostility. But in order to develop your own confidence and become complete personality you just need to learn to perceive these difficulties, meet them and try to figure it out, otherwise a person will be imprisoned in his cozy “shell” without knowledge of the outside world.
Being in familiar conditions and doing the same actions every day, it is difficult for a person to develop confidence and categoricalness, like the rest important qualities, he lives life in an invisible cage, out of which he is afraid, because he is used to its conditions. By learning to move out of this zone, remaining serene and balanced, a person gains a great incentive to develop his self-esteem and personal confidence.
It is important to determine what actually constitutes the boundaries of this “zone”, for example, it can be: the habit of watching TV, unwillingness to go out for a walk even in holidays, fear of the public. All this can be replaced by other activities: jogging, meditation or yoga, reading books on psychology, purchasing a gym membership for group classes, evening walks, learning a language, traveling.
How to develop self-confidence in a child
Sometimes the problems of developing a person's self-confidence are contained in childhood, when he was raised incorrectly. If from the very early childhood stick to certain rules in education, then you can educate and develop a confident personality.
It is necessary to develop communication skills, expand the environment for communication of the child, introduce him to peers various characters, give him a visit to various circles, so that he would look for friends of interest there and try to develop friendship. At the same time, observe the behavior, how he behaves and acts with his peers, analyze his tactics of behavior, help him cope in situations that are incomprehensible and difficult for him, develop confidence and determination.
By enlisting the support of loved ones, the child will be able to develop self-confidence faster. However, it is advisable not to overdo it, since the child can completely place the responsibility for the behavior on the parents themselves.
To develop and nurture a child's confidence, parents may deliberately do ridiculous things. sometimes inappropriate funny expressions or actions help to develop confidence in the child, because he will see that not only he himself can blunder. He will also see that if parents, who are even much older than him, can do something wrong and still laugh, no one scolds them, so they can win over the child.
To develop responsibility and confidence, the child needs to be provoked into discussions, but not too difficult, preferably those that will be appropriate for his age. It is desirable to conduct such a discussion until the child can develop a train of thought, prove his correctness of thoughts and make arguments, at least those that correspond to his age. For each induced argument, it is worth praising the child and rewarding him for perseverance and initiative. This is good method which helps to develop confidence and intellectual abilities.
Positive attitudes are very good for developing confidence. The child should be reminded more often that he is smart, erudite, attentive, kind and confident. Each compliment needs to be backed up with examples from his own life, to confirm the words, in this way you can develop self-esteem. Over time, the child himself will begin to think this way and act accordingly, in order to further reinforce the words with appropriate actions. So, little by little, he will be able to develop confidence and become more determined.
One of the greatest discoveries that man makes, one of the greatest surprises for him, is to find that he is able to accomplish what he fearfully thought was superior to him.
Henry Ford
Each person is capable of changing as much as he is ready for it. And the result of any transformation usually depends on how confident we are in ourselves.
Self-confidence is the ability to accept yourself completely and trust yourself. Accepting yourself fully means being aware of your growth areas and your strengths simultaneously. After all, relying on your strengths, you can achieve any success, acquire and improve any skills.
The problem most often lies in the fact that we talk a lot and colorfully about our shortcomings, but somehow not very much about our abilities and talents ...
I literally face this every day in coaching and training - the simple question of what turned out "excellent" causes almost a stupor, and instead participants begin to talk about what mistakes they made ...
As a result, the emphasis on defeat makes next step more difficult. After all, the experience of achievement and success is not formed. And failure does not encourage us to find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of embarrassment again and again.
Situations of self-doubt are often associated with fears.
"How will they perceive me? What will they think of me? What will happen if...?"
And it is possible to overcome these fears only by relying on yourself, on your past experience achievements and victories. Therefore, any job with success (and any job with self-confidence) begins with acceptance of yourself and your achievements.
It is love, respect and warmth for oneself that help to cope with situations where we are not sure. This is partly because we allow ourselves to "be imperfect," ready to give ourselves a second chance.
Self-confidence is a personality trait. And each of us has it developed in varying degrees. At the same time, everyone is able to develop self-confidence. With one important condition- when he understands why he needs it.
Man is so arranged that he does nothing for nothing. After all, no one wants to make serious efforts for the sake of vague promises of a better future. Therefore, we usually begin to act when we are faced with a serious problem, crisis or passionate, keen desire change something in your life.
If we talk about self-confidence, then people are usually much more accustomed and more comfortable "to live in a rut", to do "as they say smart people". It is often easier to compromise, to give up something really important, than to stand your ground.
Many people have a philosophy of service to others, trying to avoid the responsibility of changing their lives,” writes Robert Anthony in Secrets of Self-Confidence.
how practical psychologist, I can say that they come to me with a request to develop self-confidence when this quality becomes vital.
What reasons often stimulate people to think about developing self-confidence?
For example, in a leadership position, it is important to defend one’s opinion, by the nature of one’s activity one has to speak to an audience a lot, one cannot get to know and start communicating with a girl / young man, one does not develop relationships with important people and etc.
What is self-confidence?
What can a confident person do? Here are just a few options:
- independently makes decisions in his life;
- knows how to insist on his own in the discussion;
- boldly expresses his opinion and gives arguments in support of it;
- able to resolve conflicts and negotiate with others;
- knows how to defend his interests in disputes, negotiations, communication;
- knows how to cope with the fear of speaking in front of an audience;
- can meet / chat with a stranger and feel comfortable doing so.
- knows how to say “no” in time, while maintaining good relationship with those who are rejected.
How to develop self-confidence, what needs to be done for this?
Self-confidence includes: internal state + features of behavior.
The internal state includes:
- comfort level while doing new actions,
- the ability to rely on your inner self
(including your values, beliefs), - the ability to defend one's boundaries when interacting with other people
(know and understand your internal needs), - the ability to regulate one's inner state
(for example, reduce the level of anxiety in public speaking).
Behaviors include:
- the ability to say "no";
- the ability to express your need when communicating with other people;
- the ability to argue your point of view and negotiate with other people;
- specific skills for specific action(For example, public performance, acquaintance).
From this point of view, work on the development of confidence is usually built with two components at once - with inner feeling themselves and with some specific skills.
Working with the state begins with the awareness of the advantages and benefits that gives a person current situation. After all, if some situation does not seem very comfortable or right, but a person remains in it, it means that he needs it for something.
Practice shows that we are usually well aware of why we need changes in life, and rarely realize why old problems hold us back so much.
As a result, we can talk a lot about how we're going to lose weight, quit smoking, get rich, or develop self-confidence - but nothing really changes in life.
The answer to this paradox is simple - we can only realize consistent intentions. Any internal contradiction between the desire for change and unconscious opposition leads to the fact that no changes occur.
If you are reading this article now, it means that the topic of developing self-confidence is something that attracts you. Perhaps you want to feel more confident. Then answer yourself honestly:
- what did you do in last month in order to develop self-confidence?
- what kind concrete steps What have you done and what changes have occurred in your life?
If the answer is no, it's important to figure out what's keeping you in your current state. Why do you prefer to "want", but not to act.
If you need help, you can contact a professional coach or psychologist who can help identify internal barriers and so-called "secondary benefits" that keep you from moving towards your goal. You can also learn the basic skills of working with metaphorical associative cards and in this way help yourself move in the chosen direction.
As a first step in developing self-confidence, I offer a simple algorithm.
Follow 4 steps in sequence, be honest with yourself.
- Write answers to 2 questions:
What is self-confidence for you?
How will you notice that you have become more confident person?
Give at least 5-7 answers. - Find 10 reasons why it is important for you to be self-confident.
Which good changes will it bring you to life? - Find 10 reasons why you are comfortable staying in the current state and being insecure. What "benefits" do you get without changing anything?
- Make a self-confidence development plan for the next 30 days - what action you will perform every day, and how it will bring you closer to the result.
The most difficult questions are usually points 3 and 4.
So, point 3 - what are the benefits of maintaining self-doubt?
I will give one example from practical work with a client.
In one of the sessions with a client, we discussed the topic of confidence in detail. And they determined that confidence is when the client makes decisions on his own, without the advice of other people.
The obvious question is what prevents an intelligent adult and strong man make your own decisions in your life? Starting from what to wear to a business meeting, and ending with questions about where to go on your next vacation.
As a result of working with metaphorical associative maps, 2 things came to light:
- when he receives advice and / or a decision from his relatives, he feels their concern for himself, feels that he is important to them;
- in difficult questions when a decision is made instead of him, he is not responsible for the consequences of that decision.
Obviously, as long as shifting decisions to other people tells the client that he is loved, that he is cared for, and as long as he can avoid unpleasant consequences responsibility, it is useless to develop confidence in this aspect.
Benefit current state much stronger than the benefits of change.
But once these two things are worked out, then acquiring the skill of making decisions and giving responsibility to others will become a mere technical matter.
As a result, we built a work on understanding how loved ones can take care of him in addition to making decisions and advice “for every day”, how he can feel their love and support in other ways.
And on the second point, we figured out what decisions in the past led to undesirable consequences how such consequences can be prevented in the future and how responsibility can be shared.
The result of the meetings was the fact that the client really began to rely more on himself and make decisions on his own.
Of course, the intrinsic “benefit of insecurity” varies from person to person. And when we begin to realize them, we can already decide how we should be: leave everything as it is, or change something in our lives.
An action plan for developing self-confidence usually includes both work with internal state, detection personality traits development of self-reliance and self-acceptance, as well as the formation of the necessary specific situations skills.
Moreover, the development of skills is more simple part inner work above oneself.
Self-acceptance is much more difficult, and it is important to understand that this is not a one-day process.
Unfortunately, we are not trained to treat ourselves with love, respect and warmth. Very often I meet with the fact that people are immediately ready to name their shortcomings, their mistakes and failures. But the question about their talents and abilities causes bewilderment, pauses, sometimes shock.
We rarely think about what our uniqueness in the world is, what is our value and purpose. And the work of a psychologist in a consultation, a coach in a session or a trainer is precisely to help a person see his strengths and learn to build on them.
When we receive such support, we can move on and develop new qualities and skills. This includes developing self-confidence.
Robert Anthony writes about the art of coming to terms with oneself:
"Understanding your true value as individuals - another decisive factor to gain self-confidence... Positive self-esteem is not only an intellectual acceptance of one's talents or achievements. This is personal consent.
Self-confidence is closely related to self-esteem, the ability to rely on yourself and take responsibility for your life.
Can this be learned? Definitely - YES!
A person who wants to move a mountain
starts by carrying small stones,
- says an old Chinese proverb
- Start by recognizing who you are, what qualities and abilities you have right now. How do these qualities help you? What are your accomplishments and successes to date?
- Formulate what you would like to be and how it will help you improve your life. How can what you already have help you?
- Look for opportunities to develop the qualities and skills you desire.
- Take action!
Human intention and action can transform the world!
And for sure - you can transform yourself ...
